The sky was a deep crimson, the color of blood. Ash fell from the heavens, leaving a thin dust across every surface. If had been a different day, you could've mistaken it for snow. The air was thick with smoke, blocking out the rays of the sun. There was no hint that it had been daytime except for the baskets of groceries and personal belongings scattered in the street, dropped by people that had been going about their normal day as the walls came crashing down.
The primal screams of people being eaten alive- flesh torn from their bones- filled the air and permeated Eren's ears. It was the only thing he could hear as his feet pounded against the ground beneath him. He tried to take deep breaths, but his throat filled with smog. His chest ached and he gasped with every step, begging oxygen to fill his lungs, but he kept running. He knew his mom was closer to the walls than he was.
He heard Armin calling out to him, but Eren didn't even turn around. He closed his eyes and prayed to whatever gods were there to keep Armin, Mikasa, and his mom safe.
Too bad the gods weren't listening that day.
Eren made it to his house just in time to see his mother pinned by the bricks and shingles of his childhood home. His mouth fell open and a guttural wail poured from his lips. She smiled softly, blood oozing from the corners of her mouth. She could barely make a sound as she whispered to him, "Go, Eren." A strangled sob escaped him as he felt Hannes scoop him up.
Eren fought with everything he had in him against the strength of the older man's grip, but it was futile. He watched with horror as a tall, lean titan approached his mother, grinning coldly- the dead, icy smile that would one day be familiar to Eren. He couldn't will himself to look away as the monster pulled his mother from the rubble. He could see his mom struggling against the hand enclosed around her, and Eren sobbed soundlessly, his body heaving with emotion. A loud snap of a jaw closing was enough for Eren to pull his eyes away- or was it the sound of his mother's bones splintering? Blood gushed from the titan's mouth and Eren felt the contents of his stomach erupt onto the ground beneath him.
"Eren? Eren, can you hear me?" Hannes asked. "Eren, wake up-" and suddenly the scene faded away.
—
"Eren? Eren, wake up. Eren, please."
A voice pleaded with him, calm and steady with a barely-there sense of panic. The worry in the voice was so subtle that Eren wouldn't have been able to detect it if the voice had not been that of his captain-turned-lover. He felt a calloused palm against his face, a thumb brushing underneath his eye in a way that was oddly tender for his captain. Eren's eyes fluttered open, eyelashes contrasting against his tan skin. Levi released a breath he had been holding in, relief flooding his features as Eren's large green eyes met his own. "You're okay," Levi said, quickly removing his hand from Eren's face. "Which one was it?"
Eren breathed deeply, ashamed of the wetness on his cheeks. "The day Shiganshina fell. My mother." He tried to sound strong, but his voice trembled. He turned his face away from Levi's, embarrassed by his display of weakness. Despite sleeping together, Levi was still his captain, and Eren didn't want to appear fragile.
Levi's hand reached out and caught Eren's chin, pulling his face towards him. Eren's heart pounded. Levi was never gentle with him, and he especially was never tender. Their agreement was of a strictly sexual nature. Levi's grey eyes bored into Eren's and - as if he could read minds- he said, "There is nothing to be ashamed of. Men are not meant to see what we have seen. You can cry if you need to. I won't think any less of you."
The feeling of Levi's hand on his chin reassured him, and Eren suddenly felt as if all strength left him. He crumpled into Levi's arms, his body wracked with silent sobs. At first, Levi felt tense, his hands barely resting on Eren's back, as though he was afraid the younger man would break with even the slightest pressure. However, as Eren continued to shake, Levi's arms tightened, drawing Eren in closer to his chest.
Under different circumstances, Levi would be pleased that they were sharing this surprisingly vulnerable moment. Their relationship had evolved over time, but so far it had never turned into anything tender. They had started as superior and subordinate- Levi still cringed when he thought of the time he mercilessly beat Eren in front of the tribunal- eventually turning to friends after many battles together, and a few months back, after one drunken evening, Eren made his way into Levi's captain's quarters and between his sheets. Levi wasn't particularly proud of the situation, given that he was in his thirties and Eren was eighteen, but he couldn't bring himself to end it either. There were no expressions of feelings in this relationship, just late night fucking and occasionally, Eren crawling into Levi's bed, neither wanting to be alone after particularly rough encounters with the Titans.
Levi had never held Eren so gently, his fingers tracing down Eren's spine as he shushed softly into his ear, and the captain's heart swelled with compassion, concern, and maybe even the smallest fraction of something resembling love. Levi opened his mouth as if to speak, and Eren looked up at him with puffy, red-rimmed eyes. "I-," Levi hesitated, "I have them, too. The dreams. That's why I always look so tired. I rarely sleep. I tend to lay awake at night. When you're here I can sometimes count your breaths until I fall asleep. But I have the dreams too. I see my mother's dead body. Or when the female titan killed my whole squad. Sometimes I dream about seven years from now, when… when you're gone. I don't know how I'll sleep then. We're only human. Our humanity is what separates us from them. Without nightmares, how would we know we truly are capable of feeling… of being truly human?" Levi's voice trailed off as he looked down at Eren, his grey eyes full of what one could only describe as adoration and sadness. As he pulled Eren closer to him, he shut his eyes tightly, willing himself to forget that Eren's life would only last as long as his titan form.
"I have seven years left, huh?" Eren whispered hoarsely into Levi's chest. "I forget, honestly. So much is happening that months feel like lifetimes, and seven years seems so far away. But I guess, it's really not long. I'll be twenty-five." Levi's breath drew in sharply. He had never done the math, and it was staggering.
"Twenty-five," he breathed. "It's not fair. It's not fucking fair. Why do mere men get to choose when people live and when they die? I'm in my thirties, Eren. You'll never even make it to be as old as I am. And I feel like I have so much more left."
Eren smiled softly at Levi for the first time since he had awoken from his nightmare. "You do have so much more left, Levi. You are the strongest that humanity has to offer. You have decades left." Eren hesitated, then allowed his fingers to brush the older man's cheek and pushed dark hair out of his eyes, placing the raven locks behind Levi's ear. "And when I'm gone, I expect you to keep it up. For me. For Mikasa, and Hanji, and Jean, and Connie. For everyone we've lost. For humanity. For all of us."
Levi's throat felt prickly, and his face began to feel hot. He had never been this open and vulnerable with Eren, or anyone. Levi always kept himself guarded, but the idea of losing Eren and there being absolutely nothing he could do about it was devastating. He had saved the younger man's ass more times than he could count, but knowing he was utterly helpless against the passage of time rendered him unable to breathe. He desperately tried to swallow his emotions, but his voice wavered as he whispered, "A lifetime with you would never be enough."
Eren looked at Levi, his heart near bursting. "I know. I'm the lucky one. I get to spend my entire lifetime with you."
That was enough to send Levi over the edge, and he felt tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes. Eren's mouth dropped open. He had never seen Levi express any feelings besides anger, lust, or neutrality. The mere fact that the reality of his impending doom could bring this out of Levi was shocking to him.
"My lifetime is short, it's true, but we get to spend almost a decade together. In the grand scheme of it all- I don't think that's too shabby," Eren said, attempting to comfort his lover.
Levi was overcome with emotion. The world they lived in was cruel, he knew this. He watched men and women die daily- be torn apart and eaten. He watched humanity as he knew it near extinction. But never before had he believed the world to be as cruel as this moment- the moment where he realized that the man he loved, a man of barely eighteen, only had seven years left of his life because his own father had decided to take it from him. He felt some semblance of joy that he was able to spend these next seven years with Eren, and gratitude that he was able to even have seven years at all. But mostly, he felt an overwhelming tidal wave of grief crashing down around him. Everything he loved was eventually taken from him. His mother, his squad, his best friend, and now the man he loved.
"Levi, please," Eren's voice pleaded, "I'm here right now."
Levi snapped out of his reverie. If he only had seven years, he needed to make them count. He began placing fluttering, gentle kisses all over Eren's face. He's right, Levi thought. He's here right now. And I have 7 years to give him a lifetime of my love. As he showered Eren with kisses, his heart felt as though it was mending. He pulled Eren's face towards his own, and pushed his lips squarely against the other man's. Eren nearly gasped. They never kissed unless they were having sex. Levi always insisted on keeping "feelings" out of it. But as their lips touched, it felt as though Levi was baring his entire soul for Eren.
When they broke the kiss, Levi leaned his forehead against Eren's and looked fiercely into the other man's deep green eyes. Levi whispered, "I love you. It has always been you. It will only be you. There will never be anyone but you."
Eren's mouth fell open, and as he recovered from his shock, he began to smile. "I love you too, Levi."
"We have 7 years to fit in a lifetime of me loving you," Levi stated, matter-of-factly. He began kissing his way down Eren's torso, leaving marks and drawing gasps and groans from Eren's lips. As Eren felt the waistband of his pants get pulled down, Levi smiled and mumbled into Eren's hips, "Let's start tonight."