IV. She just hated him.
She made it late to the dinner, but still looked gorgeous, even if she said so herself. Make up was such a gift from the gods to hide all of her exhaustion and the non-slept hours.
She had bought a long black dress. It had long sleeves with little see through details over the arms and the chest, but that was just for cuteness, it wasn't hot or anything. What was hot was the big slit on the skirt, which came all the way up to her thigh. She paired that with a pair of black and silver shoes and let her hair on place with a loose braid.
The house was already filled with people when she came in, everyone was chatting while standing around being served champagne and some light snacks before the main event. She tried to find her best friend but found another blonde instead.
-Wow Bonnie, you decided to let your leg have fun today- said Lexi with a suggestive smile.
-Yes and you decided to buy the white dress, I see
-Yeah, it was the perfect excuse- she smiled at her and Bonnie just decided to let go the animosity between them. Lexi was just blunt and didn't think before she spoke, but she meant well- I just wanted to apologize for making you feel weird
-Well…you… wow… I wasn't expecting that- she admitted with a smile
-I can totally take it back if you want me to
-No, no. I like it. I just didn't think you would
-Yeah… I just forgot what it was like between you two. The fights and all that. It's been so long since you haven't talk to him that I thought that maybe if I told you everything… you guys would… you know, finally come to terms with what happened and we'd all be friends again. I guess it was just wishful thinking.
-It's ok. I understand that nothing's been the same since we stopped talking. But things are still going to be awkward if you sleep with Klaus
-Nah, we have already. This is just our way of getting through all of this.
-WHAT?!
-You never realized? Why else would we sneak out together?
-To smoke weed?
-I mean, yeah, but also. There's nothing like stoned sex
-Ok, ok. I really don't need to know that kind of detail. I appreciate you apologizing, though. I'll try to take it easy on him, maybe that way we can all hang out someday
-That'd be great- said Lexi with a little smile. Bonnie wasn't used to seeing her looking vulnerable, it made her younger looking. It suited her- Oh. I can't not tell you this though, as soon as Damon saw you he spit his drink so… all right, bye
That definitely surprised Bonnie. Especially because she could now feel a pair of eyes on her and she could tell who's eyes it was. Her heart started racing, but her face seemed calm, which was all she could ask of herself.
-So, you kind of look witchier. I dig it- said Damon to her back, of course Lexi left because he was coming over.
-Yeah, you'd like anything that can be made into a triple x fantasy- she said while turning around. He looked hot in a suit. But that wasn't a surprise, he always looked hot. Bastard.
-Ah, you know me so well. I wasn't going to go with the sexy comments, since you despise them so much but since you brought it up, it is kind of a fantasy of mine to be subdued by a witch.
He was awfully close and that wasn't good for her concentration, she almost smiled at his comment, but she caught herself and rolled her eyes instead. Good thing was that at least with the heels on he wasn't as tall so her neck wasn't suffering that much.
-So, when do we start eating? I'm starving
-After blondie makes her big entrance. Should be soon, though
They stayed silent, for once there wasn't animosity between them so it felt good to just be quiet and look around the room. She could feel his eyes on her though, and that wasn't making her more comfortable.
-Mmm... I… am going to make myself a drink, smell ya later
She knew that wasn't the smoothest exit and it kind of made her feel like an idiot. Especially after listening at his soft laugh behind her. He knew the effect he had in her and it made her angry. She just wished she had that effect on him too.
Well, according to Lexi, she did.
So she decided to try something. She took some champagne from a waiter and wandered around while looking at the guys in the room. Most of them were her friends, so of course she wasn't going to flirt with them, but maybe she could do that with Stefan's co-workers. Or Caroline's.
There was a very hot guy looking at her from a distance. She looked back at him and that was all it took from him to come to her. Well, that was easy. She still had it.
-Hello there, I'm Jamie- he said kissing her hand. Kind of charming and kind of sappy, to be honest.
-Hi, Bonnie. Are you friends with Stefan or Caroline?- she asked while feeling a pair of familiar eyes on her. She looked up and yes, there he was. Very angry and determined eyes were fixated on her while he drank from his glass. Point for Bonnie.
-Stefan, we work together at the law firm- responded Jamie making her attention come back to him. He was very cute. Tall, dark and grey eyes. Also a very beautiful smile. Maybe this could be more than a test for Damon, he seemed to have a similar idea in mind and she had spent a long time away from human contact.
-Oh, that must be exhausting.
-Not really, when you like what you do.
-Yeah, I know. I'm finishing my residency on ER and as awful as it is sometimes I just love being able to be there
-Yeah, that must be hard
She was going to say something but someone collided with Jamie and spilled all of his drink on his vest.
-Damon!- she screamed, of course it was him.
-What? Oh Bonnie, I'm so sorry I spilled on your date. I'm just so clumsy- he said not convincing at all. She hated that guy sometimes.
-Oh, yeah? You never spill good bourbon. That just doesn't happen.
-You guys know each other?
-Yeah, he's Stefan's brother- responded Bonnie before chugging the whole glass of champagne.
-Well… I guess I'll just make myself scarce now- he said surprising her but delighting Damon, apparently, who smiled content.
-What? Why?
-Because I have to clean this up and I don't want to get in the way between you two
-What do you mean?- she asked him while he disappeared- what the fuck Damon?
-What? I made you a favor, that loser's a coward. You can do much better
-I don't need your help, Damon- she turned around to stay away from him, she was starting to get angry again.
-Oh, come on, Bon Bon. I'll help you find someone better suited
-I don't want you to!- she almost screamed while turning to face him startling some people around them- also I just wanted to have a nice conversation with a guy and maybe go home with him after and I don't need you to approve of men for me. I need you to stay away.
-Well… you were boring him to death with you ER thingy. I think I might've saved him
He seemed a bit defensive but more taken aback. And she was more pissed than she cared to admit. Which was weird considering she started it all. She knew that but she just hated that he still felt like he could influence her decisions or anything in her life.
Which meant, she proved her hypothesis and she hated the outcome.
-I don't need your help, Damon- she repeated calmer now before turning around, she was afraid that he was going to follow her again but Caroline made her big entrance, coming down the stairs with a huge blue dress on and they all went on to sit on their respective tables.
She was of course in the same table as the bride and groom and best man. Good thing was that the whole court was there too, so at least the other people kept the conversation going long enough for her to not have to talk.
-Are you ok, Bonnie?- asked Caroline after her not speaking for at least twenty minutes.
-Yeah, I'm just tired- her friend looked at her with doubts so she reassured her- I had to take a double shift to be here today, so I worked twenty hours straight. I did sleep at least five hours before getting here, though, so you don't need to worry.
-Of course I worry. Why didn't you tell me, we could've worked things out
-What for? You'd still make her work on your wedding on her days off- interrupted Damon before drinking all the contents of his glass.
That made Caroline look down, seemingly guilty so she decided to take her friends hand and squeeze it to make her feel better.
-It's ok. I'm ok. I chose this- she smiled at her best friend and she seemed to believe her. As she should, it was all true. She was exhausted but she was also very happy about helping her friend. And about tonight, she had to make some arrangements with some colleagues but she made it and that had given her the energy to get there and try to have a good time.
It had worked out until her little fight with Damon. Maybe that's why it drove her over the edge in such little time. She was exhausted, it had been an awful shift and when she was finally forgetting about it with a new guy he came and destroyed her chances of getting laid and getting all of the stress out of her body.
Yeah, that's probably why. It wasn't because she secretly wished he offered himself instead.
Nah. She was mad at him for continually screwing her over with the excuse of helping. Like what he just did, making Caroline feel bad for needing her maid of honor, that wasn't cool.
She could feel him looking at her, so she gathered all of her anger and looked back.
Damn it. He looked like a sad puppy. For real, though. This wasn't just a way of getting himself off the hook, he actually looked sorry. And just like that all of her anger went away.
Damn it. She really hated him sometimes.
-Thank you all for being here, celebrating this amazing new journey with us- said Stefan before everyone clapped.
He and Caroline were saying their toasts to finish the party. It had gone great, actually. When the dessert got to the table, Damon gave his to Bonnie, making everyone look at him with secret smiles. He just blurted out "peace offering" and Stefan made a toast to his brother for actually growing up.
They all knew it was so that the tension and the looks disappeared. Stefan was a good brother like that.
So with two chocolate cakes on her belly and a shit ton of champagne she was feeling amazing. She had started talking and joking and things went a lot smoother.
-We'll see you at the wedding rehearsal- said Caroline finishing off the thankful toast and everyone clapped and laughed, before starting to stand up.
-It was amazing, Care. And I love your dress.
-I love yours too!- screamed the blonde while hugging her, clearly the champagne had gotten to her.
-You do look gorgeous, Bonnie- said Jamie behind them. Caroline smiled and just left them alone without saying anything. She could just laugh at her drunken and not subtle best friend.
-Thank you, Jamie.
-You know, I wasn't sure if I should make a move on you after what Klaus said, but I just think you're too damn beautiful for me to ruin my opportunity.
-I'm sorry, what? What did Klaus say?
-Oh… nothing, can we focus on the other part?- he said looking every part of her body but her eyes.
-Tell me- she demanded taking a step forward and looking at him as intimidating as possible.
-Ok, fine… he said that you were just out of a long distance relationship and that you'd probably be looking for a rebound guy. I thought that maybe, you'd be too clingy or talking about him or something and then Damon showed up and I thought that meant he called dibs on you… I didn't know what to do, but since you told Damon you only want to have a one night stand…
-When did I say that?- she said starting to feel furious, these damn men would be the death of her.
-When he threw his drink at me, I mean… I'm sorry… are we on the same page?
-No. Get the fuck out of my face.
-But-
-You heard the lady. "Make yourself scarce" – said Damon from behind her, of course he was there again.
Jamie left and Bonnie felt like kicking every men on earth on the balls.
-Did you know?- she said with her back at him.
He stayed quiet for a bit so she turned around and looked at him in the eyes. He seemed pissed, but also a little bit wary.
-It's Klaus. He's an asshole, what did you expect?
-I didn't ask you that
-Ok- he sighed and put his hand on his hips, ready for her attack- yes, he said it to all of Stefan's colleagues when you came in.
-Why the fuck didn't you just tell me?
-Oh, so now you actually wanted my help? Didn't you say you didn't need it?
-Oh, for fucks sake. Why did you interrupt us and spilled bourbon on him instead of just telling me he was an asshole?- she was speaking too loud and she was well aware, but there weren't people around them anymore and she was even more mad than she was before.
-Because you wouldn't have believed me. I thought that if I did it, he'd just understand that you were off limits.
-So you preferred to assert your dominance instead of just let me make my own choices?
-What? Would've you slept with him?
-I don't know Damon but that's my decision and you shouldn't be here making it for me- she said trying to calm down because she felt like she was about to explode
-I was protecting you
-I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP! – she screamed before she could stop herself- I'VE SURVIVED EIGHT YEARS WITHOUT YOU DAMON. I SURVIVED MED-SCHOOL, MY GRAMS DYING, MY PATIENTS DYING, MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP FAILING! EVERYTHING! I … I survived everything without you.
They fell into a silence and as unexpected as her outburst was, the tears started streaming down her face also were. She felt suffocated, like the walls were closing on her, she needed to leave the house. She left Damon standing there alone and started walking home. She wanted to run, but those stupid heels would kill her ankles if she tried.
Those screams had surprised even her. She knew she used to have feelings like those before but she thought they were gone. She thought that after all those years she had gotten over it.
Apparently not .
She couldn't stop the tears from coming and she was one second away from starting sobbing on the street, God, why did she use those heels? If it wouldn't hurt her feet she'd take them off.
She hated that she was feeling like that even after eight years, she hated that it still hurt her so much and that he could trigger her so hard. She was mess and she knew it and worst of all, Damon knew it.
A car stopped by her side and she hid her face.
-Hey Bonnie- whispered Stefan very quietly, while getting out of the car.
She wanted to keep walking, but she also just wanted to be held by someone who knew her and loved her despite everything.
-I'm so sorry- she said before throwing herself into his arms. He held her tight and rocked her while she started sobbing.
-You have nothing to be sorry about
They remained like that until Bonnie could finally calm herself. She pulled away embarrassed.
-Do you want to get in the car? I bet those shoes are killing you- he said with a soft smile. He was the best at comforting people. She nodded and they got inside of the car. As soon as she could she took her heels off and he started the car to get her home.
-I'm actually sorry, Stefan
-And you actually have nothing to be sorry about
-Yes, I do. I made a scene. And it wasn't even worth it, it was such a stupid thing and I blew it out of proportion.
-I think you had just kept things inside of you for too long and this was just the last straw. You have been working your ass off on ER, now with us to help with the wedding stuff and on top of that my brother decided to come and stress you even more. Of course you exploded, Bonnie. I actually think you handled it quiet well.
-Yeah?- she said with a sad smile- I think I yelled at Damon for something that I shouldn't have. It wasn't the time nor the place.
-It never is. My brother is a handful. You, out of all people know that and after dealing with him for years you finally snapped. It happens to the best of us.
-You too?
-Oh yeah- he nodded a little too enthusiastically, but didn't add anything to that topic- But you need to now that he means well, he's not a dick just to be a dick.
-I used to think that but I'm not so sure anymore.
-Well… - he sighed- he makes bad choices, but he cares about you. He has a weird way of showing it, though.
-What makes you say that? What if he just enjoys patronizing me?
-Well, take this for example. We only heard screams, I didn't know what was going on and before I could come down stairs he was on my bedroom door begging me to come get you, so you'd get home safe.
She wasn't expecting that at all, she thought Stefan heard everything and went after her to clean up his brother's mess. But apparently he did care a bit.
-Ok, he's still a dick though. He could've come himself.
-He said he was sure you wouldn't accept a ride from him.
Well, the son a bitch knew her. She was never going to get on a car with him right after she yelled at him for abandoning her, because let's be honest, they all knew what those screams were really about. She let out years of resentment and pain out in the open for him to see. He knew now what she truly felt like. Like he abandoned her. Just like her mother.
Oh God. This was definitely something to dwell on later, right now she didn't have the energy.
They got to her house and she sighed relieved, only problem was, she had to put those damn shoes on again.
-Thank you Stefan. You are a great friend.
-Hold on, my duty is not over yet- he said before getting out of the car and coming to her side- hop on
-What?
-Yeah, I'll give you a piggy ride, it's been years. I kinda miss it- he said with his back on her and his knees bent. She just smiled and hopped on his back- well this got a bit harder
-That's because we're older- she said between laughs. God she loved her friends, they always made her feel better.
-Yeah, and I can't go to the gym anymore, there's no time.
He got her safe inside of her house and they hugged one last time. Then, she got inside and drank two glasses of water, because with all of the alcohol plus the tears, she knew she'd be dehydrated tomorrow and she had to work in the afternoon so she couldn't just let herself have a hungover.
She took a bottle of water to her bedroom and an advil just to be sure. She was incredibly tired and emotionally drained to care about her pajamas so she just took her clothes off and slept on her underwear and as soon as she covered herself she felt asleep.
The next day was a good day, a night shift. So she could sleep until her body decided to stop and then she ate some Thai food she got delivered.
The shift was a regular one, not many emergencies that night. A few minor things, but one of those was a toddler with a broken arm, so her head was about to explode because of his crying. She was out at six am.
Another person who was outside of the hospital at six am was Damon. She immediately felt like turning back and hiding inside the hospital until he got bored and left, but she decided to be more mature and walked right past him.
-I know I'm the last person you want to see right now Bonnie, but I need to talk to you before I go.
-I don't need a ride, Damon- she responded without stopping and she could feel him walking behind her.
-But you could use one, I bet you're really tired.
God, this man was relentless. Her phone had at least thirty missed calls from him and he didn't seem to take the hint that she didn't picked up for a reason.
-I don't want to. I want to walk home alone, so please leave me alone.
-Oh come on, Bonnie. Imagine I'm just your uber ride, you get on my car, I talk, let you in your house and then you forget about me for months.
-Or I can just forget about you now
-All right, I'll walk with you then
-I just want to walk home alone, Damon- she stopped to look at him in the eyes for the next part, pleading him to leave her alone with one look- today's been a very long day, I just finished a twelve hour shift and I really need to stop arguing with you and just be on my bed.
-Then the more reason I take you home in my car. We don't need to argue, Bonnie. We can talk like grown ups. I just really need to say this.
She just started to walk away from him without any answer, but he followed her, a few steps behind. She turned around starting to get mad.
- What part did you not understand Damon?
-The part where you'd rather walk home alone and get yourself robbed or killed instead of having me walk in silence behind you
-Nothing ever happens in Mystic Falls, I don't need your protection
-Didn't you say that you were twelve hours on ER? That sounds like an eventful town to me, Bonnie. You've seen people die, too. So I'm not taking any chances.
She hated it, but he was right. She stopped feeling safe at night after working at ER in the hospital. So she just gave up, she was too tired to keep fighting, and her rational side knew she should just go with him to his car.
-Fine, but we're taking your car.
-Yes!- he said smiling and taking his keys out to open the car.
-Oh and I don't wanna talk about what happened the other night.
-You won't. I'll take you to your house while I speak and you just listen.
She nodded and they started walking towards the car, once they got there he opened the door for her. He was obviously trying to be charming, the bastard. She shouldn't really be mad, because she knew she owed him an apology too, but she just hated how he imposed himself like that, never taking a no for an answer. He always drove her over the edge.
He got into the car and turned to her with a determined look in his eyes.
-Ok, first of all, you were right. I should've told you about Klaus' stupid comments and I should've told you that that idiot was there because of said comments. I shouldn't have made your decision for you, since you're a grown up and you don't need my help and haven't need it in a while.
He said it all very fast and it seemed rehearsed. It made sense actually, he probably realized he messed up when he saw her crying so he tried to make her feel better telling her exactly what she wanted to hear and he didn't want to let anything out of his apology.
That didn't really made her feel better, though. She was right, he messed up. Ok, and? It felt flat. But she didn't want to keep discussing the issue anymore, because the issue wasn't what he thought it was. The issue was he abandoned her and neither of them were ready to discuss that.
She didn't respond and he sighed and started the car as promised.
-Why haven't you taken your car to New York? -She asked after a silence
-Because there's no use to having a car in New York- he responded somewhat surprised it seemed, he was expecting something else from the apology, apparently. But she wasn't going to give him what he wanted.
-Then why haven't you sold it?
-Are you crazy? This is my baby. My first project and the thing that inspired my business
That was right. Damon started his own bussiness from scratch by buying old, damaged cars and turning them into treasures. I mean, of course, having the Salvatore money helped, but it was still impressive that he took that and turned it into a profitable enterprise, with employees and everything. She didn't want to tell him that she admired that about him, so she just decided to change the subject and ask him something she had been dying to ask.
-Why are you on Mystic Falls Damon?
-What? – that seemed to take him by surprise, but he recovered soon enough- Can't I do something nice for my little brother? Do you really think I'm such an asshole that I need an ulterior motive?
-Well, you haven't done anything like it, ever. So, of course I have my doubts
-I made Elena a party for her birthday once
-All right. You haven't done anything like it for any of us, the ones you left behind- his jaw tightened. She knew he hated the term but she couldn't help to use it, that's how it felt. She knew it made room for him to address her meltdown but she didn't care, she felt courageous.
-Why would I do that before? Nothing good ever happens in your lives - she knew he said that to get back at her, but after a silence he started being more honest- But now my brother is marrying his high school sweetheart. Terrible decision if you ask me. Not because of her, but because he hadn't been with many women. But he seemed happy, so I decided to join on the fun.
-I think it's romantic. I mean, when you know you just know. You don't need to date much to know who's your soulmate- she argued defending her friends.
-Was it like that with Enzo?- she looked at him confused, he was asking a serious question though and he had been honest before so she felt like she had to answer. After all, she started all of this.
-At first it was. But we couldn't take the whole distance relationship thing. And Elena? Is she your soulmate?
-Nah. I loved her and she loved me, but she was also with me because she was trying to rebel against her parents. And then she was trying to change me in every way she could.
-Im sorry to hear that- she whispered surprised at how much he had opened up with her, maybe her outburst inspired him to start being more honest. Or maybe he just needed to talk.
-Me too
They remained in silence until they arrived to her house. He pulled over and she decided to try it one more time
-Can you be truthful with me and tell me why you decided to throw this party and come here months before the ceremony?
His jaw tightened and he got out of the car to get her door open. He took her hand to help her out of it and started walking her to the door.
- I wanted to see you- he responded once they got to her porch.
- What? Why?
- Because Stefan told me you were single again. He also told me you'd been killing yourself between the hospital shifts and this wedding. I wanted to know how you were doing. And I know I shouldn't talk about it, but for the looks of it, you don't seem to be doing so well.
She sighed, hating that he was right in the last part. But was it true, though? Was he here to check on her? She looked at him looking for a lie or a joke but there wasn't any. He was telling her the truth and she didn't know how to feel about it.
-Why did you need to check up on me?
-Because now that he's gone we can actually have conversations again
-Don't put the blame on him, Damon. We had stopped talking long before he appeared in my life
-True. But there was still a little bit of banter.
They stayed quiet for a bit, until Bonnie realized she didn't have anything else to say.
-I think it's better if I just go inside now
-Ok. Just one last thing- he said taking a step forward- make that two. Stop letting blondie take over your free time. You deserve to rest, I know you feel like you have to constantly be there for everyone, but you don't. She's an adult, she can candle herself.
She hated that he still knew her so well. He was right, she felt like she had to be there all the time for her friends, and that was starting to take a toll on her.
-Thank you. As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. And the second thing?
-You look beautiful on your white coat- he whispered before turning around and getting into the car.
She hated that man most of the time. She hated that he always said something to startle her right before leaving, so he didn't have to explain himself.
She decided to just go inside to sleep. She didn't have to talk to him anymore, she had months now to just be alone with her thoughts and study and work and get him out of her mind. She hated that they talked a little for a few days, but he could still read her like a book and stun her like that. She was feeling like she did all those years ago.
She was used to keep everything bottled down, everything under control, she only cried alone on her house when she just couldn't keep it together anymore, but he always had her on edge. He made her smile, scream, laugh, cry, fluster and get so angry.
She also hated that she hadn't realized that the reason why she was so hurt by it all was her own abandonment issues. She was usually smart about these things. Although it was probably harder when it was you, who you had to analyze.
She stopped herself from thinking again and tried to sleep as much as her body needed. Actually, scratch that, as much as her body could, she had been treating it unfairly lately and she needed to give it some love.
Her mind drifted soon enough, but not before she could hear his complement in her mind again. She really did hate him.
Right?
Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed that rollercoaster. I know a lot of you picked up on the fact that there were some deeper things going on in the fall out and that they couldn't be that mad just to be mad. I wanted to give you the same mindset as Bonnie, so that you could realize it at the same time as her, because she usually just keep going, trying not to think about stuff and then when she finally does it hits her like a ton of bricks. Also one of you pointed out in the reviews that ER people thrived under pressure and Bonnie doesn't seem to be this way with the matters of her personal life but she's just on residency, she's still not making the decisions, and we are going to adress that in a few episodes but I thought that if it bugged someone I should at least give you something to work with.
I'm thinking about uplouding tuesdays and having a sneak peak on mondays on the tumblr. In case anyone wants to see that :) Also the picture of Bonnie's dress is going to be there as well soon enough.
Anyway, I love reading your reviews! Thank you so much, they keep me going :) And if you want to have a conversation you can always send me an ask on the tumblr blog :)
Happy reading!