VI. The explosions
Bonnie was alone in the Salvatore house, waiting for Damon to show up and start fighting with her, because she deserved it. She hadn't been honest to him or to herself and she had dragged this mess for longer than it needed to be done. It was her fault, so she had to apologize now.
That sounded easy, but was it? He had broken her heart, he had walked away from her life just like her mom and every time he came back, he was mad at her. At her? Why?
Yeah, yeah. This is an apology Bonnie, he was to blame too but he needed to hear her apologies because she had made some bad choices herself. She couldn't keep being mad at him for things he hadn't done. He wasn't his mother, it wasn't his responsibility to stay by her side.
They were friends and things had gone wrong and then escalated because they were both headstrong and couldn't let things go.
Besides, they had some deep-rooted traumas, that had made her do the things she did, but she hand't listened to his reasons and in order to heal and move on she needed to, so they needed to have this fight.
The clock and her breathing were the only noises she was hearing, until those were interrupted by the sound of some keys moving outside and then the door being opened.
She had to remember herself to breath, because she had definitely stopped doing so for a few seconds there. She listened to his steps and then, finally, saw his face.
-Oh. Why are you here?- asked Damon going from disoriented to angry as soon as he got to the living room and saw Bonnie standing there by herself.
-Because I need to talk to you
She was fidgeting and playing with her hands a lot, she knew she only had a few seconds before he decided to leave and she needed to convince him not to before that.
-So this was a set up?- he asked crossing his arms and looking very mad.
-…Kind of
-Bye- he turned around but Bonnie run to blocked the door
-No, we need to talk- she pleaded with her words and eyes
-I remember you made it a lot more difficult for me to apologize last time. You should just let me go, it's only fair
-No, as much as I want to, I need to tell you something.
They looked at each other's eyes with a lot of intensity, Damon was a little mad and she was just really trying to persuade him. He ended up sighing and looking away.
-Ok. Since it's the first time you want to actually have a conversation I'll give you five minutes, if we can't fix it, I'm out.
-Ok. I…- her mouth was dry and her heart was beating so fast it was almost leaving her body.
This was going to be rough, but she made promise to Caroline and to herself. She needed to start making changes.
-Any second now
-I'm sorry. I… I blew things out of proportion. I blamed you for everything when I also was to blame.
-And?
-What do you mean and?
-This is your big apology?- he was really mad now, she could sense it and he was right, there was more, but she was scared to tell him everything.
-You haven't just blamed me for this, you blamed me for our fall out. For leaving to New York when you promised you'd be there with me the next year. You've been an asshole to me since then.
-Well, it's not like you weren't an asshole yourself. And that's because you started ghosting me and only talking to me about your new friends when you finally picked up. Of course I wasn't going to run to New York with you after that.
-And why didn't you have the guts to tell me yourself? Why did you never talk to me about it and just decided to leave it at that? Like it didn't matter that we had a deal and that we used to be best friends?
-I… - she swallowed through the knot that was forming in her throat and as the coward she was, she looked away and tried to come up with excuses again before the truth- I wasn't sure you even cared anymore
-What?! – he asked jumping back, like he needed to be away from her after that, breaking her heart a little bit more- Oh, hell no. Stop blaming me for everything. You didn't tell me because that's who you are. You just run away at the first sight of confrontation. You see a problem and you avoid it until it disappears and if it doesn't you disappear.
-You have no idea what you're talking about. We haven't been friends in seven years and you think you can just come here and 'give me a lesson about who I am'? I changed. I'm here right now confronting you and trying to fix our stupid drama for the wedding's sake.
She knew she was changing the subject and apologizing way less than she expected, but he was right. She was afraid and that made her so mad she was lashing out to him yet again.
-You haven't changed since you were a teenager Bonnie. You have the same system and that's the truth of our 'stupid drama'. You weren't mature enough to talk about it so you run away from it. You-
-And what was I supposed to do? – she interrupted shouting- Run after you? Beg you for your time? You weren't even answering my calls, Damon! I wasn't going to go live to a city I didn't know with a guy that clearly didn't have any intention of being my friend any longer.
-You promised Bonnie. I thought that meant something- his voice cracked a little bit, finally showing something other than rage, making her also show the sadness she was masquerading with anger.
-And I thought our friendship meant something to you.- a little tear escaped her right eye- I guess we were both wrong.
They stayed silent for a while. She had so much to say but she didn't want to give herself away, show him all of her weaknesses, confess her true feelings. She had said that she was going to let it all out but it was easier said than done.
And he seemed like he was holding back too. But he was also pissed. And then, when they were looking at each other's eyes, fuming, his eyes seemed to softened when he focused on her tear, making her rapidly swipe it away. He shacked his head before talking again.
-I know you hate me right now, Bonnie. I hate you too, to be honest. Because you hurt me. I thought that no matter what you'd be there for me that next year. I…-he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes to say what he seemed to need to say- there was a time when I didn't hate you. There was a time when the sun shone only when I was by your side.
She looked at him with wide eyes and feeling her face on fire. Was he just trying to fluster her when they were just screaming at each other seconds ago?
-What? When?- she merely whispered.
He looked kind of taken aback by her reply. It seemed like he wasn't expecting her to react, maybe he thought that if he was honest enough he'd scared her off and this conversation would come to an end.
-When my parents died.
-Oh
-Being home was awful, because I could only think of them. Being in class without you was awful, because everyone looked at me like I was a fragile idiot. I hated how they pitied me. But you were different, you told me how you felt when your dad died. How it felt when it was his first absent birthday and how you felt four years later without him. You walked me through it, without pity but with compassion, I guess. That's why you will always be important for me Bonnie Bennet. Even if you hate me, even if I hate you. But let's be honest, we don't hate each other. We are just mad.
She was so surprised of how matured he sounded. He wasn't that immature before, but she remembered he'd rather joke around to showcase his true feelings, so this was definitely new. And she couldn't help herself. She went for a hug.
He seemed surprised but quickly reacted to her gesture. They spent a few minutes like that, holding each other tight.
-You're right. I'm so mad at you Damon. Still, after all these years- she said against his chest and she was going to stop there, but since he was being honest she needed to do the same- and it has nothing to do with you.
-What do you mean?
-I mean… you left me. You stopped caring about me, you replaced me…- she continued with her voice wavering a little- You abandoned me…
-Like your mom
-Yeah- he held her tight again and she didn't realize when she started crying but suddenly she was fully sobbing into his arms while he was rocking her and holding her as tight as he could. Good thing he wasn't wearing his leather jacket because all of her tears were in his shirt now.
She realized that she was holding his shirt rather than him, tugging him closer. And he was just taking it all, like he had so many times in the past. That thought started calming her down after a few minutes.
-I'm sorry Bonnie, I... I thought that maybe there was a reason for your hatred and I thought it could be because we helped each other through our loses but I never realized it had to do with you mom. To me it was all about losing, never because of being left.
-I didn't either realized why I felt like that with you, either- she responded pulling away from him, but still holding him- I just knew I felt so betrayed. I was just so angry at you, I couldn't let it go. And then, I realized why.
-When did you realized it?- he asked giving her a paper tissue he had in his pocket.
-Thank you- she said before blowing her nose and then whispered- After I screamed at you in the engagement party
-Then why didn't you tell me sooner? I… kind of realized I fucked up and I deserved your yelling but…
-It's not your job to know what's wrong with me Damon. I know that now. But I didn't tell you because… I didn't want to seem weak, I guess…
-I wanna yell at you- he stated putting his head at her level so she could see how much he meant it- I wanna shake you so badly until you take that shit out of your mind, because I shouldn't have been in the dark about that Bonnie. We were best friends.
-I'm sorry
-But- he interrupted- that's something I can understand. That's the reason I stopped talking so much to you when I got to New York. I was miserable there without you… and the others-he added quickly, with a little bit of pink on is cheeks- I knew that if I talked to you for too long, you'd realize and I wanted to look strong.
-Why would you do something so dumb?
-I didn't realize I was condemning our friendship. I was stupid. I thought you'd forgive me about everything and that you'd be even more curious to go to New York with the stories I told you- he stopped looking at her eyes when he said that, so there was definitely more to the story, but she didn't want to push him. There were already a lot of truths coming out and she didn't want to push her luck. Also, if he did that to her she was going to tell him how she really felt about him.
-You were stupid. But so was I. We were stupid teenagers.
-Yeah, but we're adults now and I'm really really REALLY hating that I've made you cry so much these last few times we've seen each other. So let me make it up to you.
-How?- she asked with a small smile
-Well… there's a new Karaoke bar downtown. We can invite Caroline and Stefan. Maybe even Jo and Ric too, so they can have a night out. What do you think?- he asked before starting to wipe her tears off.
-I think I need to blow my nose and put some eyes drops and I'm good to go.
-Great
He smiled a little less crookedly than usual, closer to that secret smile he used to only show her when they were teenagers and that made her stomach feel full of butterflies and also made her aware of how close they were. So she pulled away a bit more.
-Can I go to the restroom while you call the guys?
-Of course, mademoiselle- he responded with a bow
-You're so corny- he said rolling her eyes and smiling.
-But I made you smile.
-Oh my God, I'm so glad you guys are finally ok!- screamed Caroline getting inside of the booth that Damon and Bonnie had chosen. Behind her was Damon's family, all of them smiling wide and looking at him weirdly proud.
-Me too- responded Bonnie with a small smile and looking away from the others, they were looking at them like they were in a kind of triple date and even thought that made her feel excited it also embarrassed her. And made her a bit sad, because that wasn't the case at all.
-Ok, ladies and gentleman, let's start this party- said Damon standing up and taking Stefan with him to the stage. She may have seen his face a bit red, but that could totally be the lighting.
-Ok. But we're gonna need some shots first- responded Stefan walking to the bar instead
-Great idea, let's get drunk and sing
That was the last from their interaction that she could hear. She smiled at their backs, because there had been a while since she'd seen them happy like that.
-I love that you guys are in good terms now. I missed you at the family parties
-Jo, take it easy- said Alaric with a cryptic face. Weird.
-Well, this guys are going to sing, so I suggest we start paying attention to them
-You're right, as always Care- responded Jo with a smile.
Soon enough, they started listening to a very off-tune rendition of Highway to hell. They seemed to be having fun though, faking guitar solos and all. The other people there loved it and clapped throughout the performance.
When they came back to the booth, the others were ordering their drinks.
-I think I want a Margarita
-Bonnie, are you sure? Last time wasn't a… smooth one.
-Yes, Care. That was a long time ago and I was working my ass off in the residency, now I'm worries free.
Caroline just lifted her hands in surrender while murmuring something along the lines of "just saying".
-Oh, come on, goldilocks. You're trying to have drunken Bonnie just for yourself? I want a sight of that as well.
-Not a really pretty sight- said Stefan with a grin- there's some violence involved- he whispered loud enough for all of them to hear.
-Really Stefan? That was one time.
-Kids, you're scaring the waiter- said Alaric- we'd like some cabernet, please.
-And I'd like a bourbon- said cheery Damon.
-Make that two
-Wow. My little brother is all grown up.
-I'm getting married, Damon. Get over it.
-Never. I used to change your dippers.
-You didn't do shit
-Uh, sassy.
She loved seeing Damon like this. He was so comfortable around the ones he loved, and since there wasn't any tension between the two of them she could finally see him all relaxed and funny. She had missed this side of him.
-All right. While you kids bicker, my wife and I are going to sing.
-What? Honey, no
-Oh, come on, Jo. They must have our song, plus we haven't done anything fun like this in years.
She finally gave in and walked with him towards the stage. While they were waiting for the person with the mic their drinks came to the table.
-Bring us another round in ten minutes, on me- said Damon to the waiter
-Ok, sir
-Thank you- said Bonnie with a smile when the waiter gave her the margarita
-Yeah, thanks man- followed Damon.
She looked at him and he was sporting his infamous crooked smile.
-What?- she said squinting her eyes at him.
-Nothing, I sometimes forget manners. New York is wild. Thanks for reminding me, though.
She tried not to smile but she couldn't stop herself. So she decided to start drinking before she said something stupid.
Alaric and Jo started singing "Can't take my eyes off of you". Ric was way more into it than Jo, but they seemed to be having a fun time. They cheered and continued to drink while the couple was up there and by the time they came back they all seemed to be a bit happier than before.
-You guys killed it!- complimented Stefan beaming.
-Come on girls, it's your turn
-We're not as easy persuaded as your brother. We need more buzz
-Oh, Blondie here wants me to buy her more alcohol, you should've said it sooner.
-Well, you're the rich one
-Oh, come on. Steffy bear here is a lawyer, count your blessings, young woman.
-Yeah, but we're spending a lot on the wedding, so of course you have to buy the alcohol tonight
-Fair enough- he made a sign to the waiter for another round and seemed to understand it immediately- but you guys are drinking this and going to sing in five minutes tops.
-Oh, he has rules- intervened Bonnie feeling the bravery the alcohol usually provided.
-Oh, she finally spoke. I'm missing the violence I was promised.
-Nothing of the sort is going to happen, I'm a lady.
He smiled wryly at her and she didn't have time to banter because the waiter came with the third round.
-All right girls, deal's a deal. Bottoms up.
They looked at each other with a smile on their face and chugged it immediately. This wasn't their first rodeo.
-Wow. You married an alcoholic one, Stef.
-Not married yet. And not alcoholic, I think. Not sure though.
- Oh you'd love me even if it was the case but it's not. I'm just good at partying. Come on, Bon. Let's kick their performance's ass.
-Yeap.
She stood up and the ground seemed to move a bit, but she recovered quickly and walked to the stage with her best friend.
-Do you have a song in mind?
-No, let's see what's in store.
They looked through the catalog while a couple was singing a very sappy song and Caroline's eyes went wide and bright when she found 'You belong with me' by Taylor Swift.
-Do you remember how we used to sing this in my room with our Pj's on?
-We used to blast this to the heavens.
-It was exactly what I needed when Stefan started dating that stupid Valerie. And you hated that Damon was always dating around.
-This was our jam- responded Bonnie pointing to the catalog very aggressively, she was going for assertive but it kind of back fired. Either way it took her best friend's mind off the Damon crush she used to have.
-It's like we wrote it ourselves.
-I remember the lyrics. All of them.
-And now it's even more perfect because he IS with me. He belonged with me all along and now we're getting married and that bitch and him are no longer together
-Why do you hate her so much? You do realize that it was a long time ago?
-Because she broke his heart. Of course I know that was years ago but still. She just left, without even saying goodbye. I thought he'd never recover.
-But he did and now you guys are stronger than ever.
Caroline smiled and the couple finished, so they got to the stage and put the song on.
They sang kind of ok. They weren't the best singers and the alcohol wasn't helping but they had nice voices and they knew the song by heart, even after all those years.
Caroline was especially giving her all, still mad about that bitch and Bonnie was just happy. The people was singing along and their booth was cheering them, so she felt pretty fearless.
When the song finished the room applauded and they got a standing ovation by the guys they used to sing that song to, making her feel giddy inside.
As soon as they got to the table Stefan took Caroline in his arms and lifted her, surprising her very much, judging by the squealing noise she made.
-You were amazing!
-Should I do that too?- asked Damon standing up
-No!- screamed Bonnie
-YES- screamed everybody else
-We gotta give the audience what they want.
She tried to get away but he was faster, he put his arms on her waist and lifted her pretty high, making her squeak.
Everyone laughed and he put her in the ground soon enough. As soon as she got her foot in the floor she exploded in laughter, a mixture of relieve and actual happiness. Caroline joined her, clearly intoxicated with the alcohol, but she didn't care. She was really happy.
She locked eyes with a very radiant looking Damon. The laughter stopped but she smiled wide basking in the moment, trying to pay attention to everything going on right there and then, so she could remember it later. She didn't realize how much she had missed this, being with her best friends, just laughing and having a good time. Feeling the warmth coming from Damon and the way he was looking at her right now.
That shit was addictive.
-All right, all right. I know what you're all thinking. Next round is on me- said Stefan before Caroline jumped to hug him, beaming. They truly loved each other with their whole hearts.
-My brother's trying to steal my shtick. I'll just let him because he's getting married- whispered Damon to her ear, she turned to him and they were really close. Like, she could feel his breathing in her face close. He smiled crookedly at her and that snapped her out of it.
-That could be your wedding gift- she whispered trying to sound unaffected, but failing to do so.
She walked to the booth and sit where she was before, trying to regain her composure. And also, trying to regain control on all of the feelings that were exploding inside of her.
She was feeling dizzy when she came out of the karaoke bar so Damon offered to walk with her to her house. While the other four went home on an uber.
They were walking down the street at night. This felt romantic as fuck but she convinced herself it was just the alcohol in her veins.
-I'm fine, you didn't need to come with me- she commented after a few minutes in silence.
-You're hammered. And I paid for most of your alcohol so I kind of feel like it's my responsibility.
-You paid for all of it. You didn't even let me give that guy more tips.
-Because I had already given him 40%
-But he had to put up with us aaaall night. And we weren't actually talking most of the night, we were yelling.
-And that's why I gave him double than most people.
-But I wanted to put some money too.
-Ok, next time you'll tip him.
-Next time?- she dared to look at him, and he was smiling satisfied with himself. Bastard.
-Yeah. I think I nailed it bringing you here, having seen you this happy in years.
-Well, that could be because we haven't seen each other in years.
-We have, we just haven't talked. Actually, we have, just not without ending up fighting.
-You're right. I'm glad we're past that.
-Yeah…
They stayed quiet for a while, finally content with each other and themselves.
-Thank you for today- said Bonnie when they were getting close to her house. The cold air had helped her to feel less inebriated.
-I wanted to thank you, actually. If you hadn't decided to talk things out, we wouldn't have done it.
-Yeah, it was time I did some growing up.
-Yeah, me too. We kinda should've had this conversation a long time ago.
-Yes- she responded before laughing, mostly because she was feeling nervous. This whole thing was feeling very romantic and she wasn't prepared for it.
-We've been wasting time- he said completely unaware if her feelings, probably.
-Yeah! We could've had sang some Taylor Swift before- she joked trying to lighted up the mood.
-Yeah, next time it's you and me and Shake it off.
-Uh, I didn't know you were a fan of hers.
-I'm not, I wanna see you shaking it off.
She laughed at his comment, finally letting herself go and enjoying his company. She just needed to relax, things were the way she wanted them to be, if she wanted for them to be just friends that's what they'd be.
-You're so dumb
-Yeah, but you still want to be my friend. Right?
That's what she was talking about.
-Of course. How about you?
-Hell yeah. Especially now that you are like this.
-What do you mean?
-Well, you look more... Free? Younger? I don't know. There was something about tonight, something different.
-Different how?
-Umm... You reminded me of old Bonnie, the one that sang in the car with me when we'd go on around town. Or on a road trip.
She smiled wide, she did feel more free than in a few years, like if realizing why she felt the way she did and then actually saying it had taken a big heavy weight from her back. They had finally arrived at her home and they stopped on her porch.
-I feel free now. More confident too
-Maybe that's why you looked so beautiful- he said with that crooked smile before turning around… to his house?
Oh no, she had to make an end to this kind of behavior. These Damon's shenanigans kept her up at night and she knew that to end it she'd have to talk about other things she didn't want to talk about but she had to make decisions to make her life better, to stop making everyone comfortable but herself.
-Damon- she called out right before he got to the street, so she walked to meet him in the middle.
-Yeah?- he turned around startled, she knew he didn't see this coming, which caused a rush of adrenaline. Good, because she was going to need it.
-I hate when you do stuff like this. You always comment stuff to startle me right before leaving and they keep me from being sane at times.- that sounded dramatic, she needed to elaborate or she'd look like an idiot- I just think that in order for this new friendship to work we need to be honest with each other and this is something I don't like.
-Wow- he responded after some time in silence- I love this new you. Maybe we should've fought sooner.
-Damon, I'm serious
-Me too. This is definitely my favorite Bonnie. And you're right. I like seeing how you look when you're surprised. And I actually thought you kind of liked it. But, well. I'll leave my commenting on your good looks out of this friendship.
-I didn't mean just that. You always say something that you know I won't want to deny because it would be uncomfortable or makes me embarrassed, but I'd like it if we could actually have conversations now. Not just yell at each other and walk away. I want us to be actual friends again.
He smiled like he hadn't in years, with that real, wide and special smile that made her heart skip a beat and her stomach filled with butterflies. God, she thought those feelings were long dead.
She knew she was getting herself into a mess with this, but she didn't care. She needed to have a more open and honest relationship with her friends, even if that meant having a messy one or even losing them. Or falling in love with one of them. Again.
But she really wanted to stay friends with Damon, shad missed him a lot, so in order to have healthier relationships she needed to stop relaying on her friends so much and she needed to start seeing her worth without them telling her, so this was a step on the right direction.
- I'm proud of you Bon Bon. And you did look beautiful today, it's not like you don't always look beautiful, but today was different. You had like... I don't know. A thirst for life, for enjoying the moment in a way I haven't seen in years. I missed that.
-Me too. And I missed you. I missed us- she whispered looking at the ground, being mature and letting yourself be vulnerable was hard and as much as she was trying she was still very afraid of saying the wrong thing.
-Me too.
They looked at each other in silence and Damon did that stupid cocky smile, making her roll her eyes with a small smile of her own. He opened his arms with that same smile, but his eyes were inviting her in with more warmth than anything else, so she walked the distance between them and hugged him really tight. He put his chin in the top of her head and sighed. She smiled buried into his chest.
-We should say goodnight now, tomorrow's going to be rough.
- Why?
-First dance rehearsal, remember?
-Oh shit. Yeah. I should go to sleep.
-Yeah, me too.
They pulled away, both smiling fondly and went their separate ways. Bonnie's heart was beating so fast that she asked herself if he could feel it when they were hugging, but if he did he didn't say anything.
She smiled like an idiot until she fell asleep.
Hi guys! Uff this was a big one. It was very loaded at the first scene so I wanted it to lighten in the middle, with them having fun and let the dialogue pick up more than the descriptions, so it was more fast paced. I don't know if you liked the way that was handled, please let me know because I was not sure if it worked or if it felt out of place because I usually try to descrive movements a lot, but hopefully it translated the way I wanted it to.
By the way, I'm so happy you guys took your time and wrote me reviews, I received more reviews than in the others chapters and that made my week, seriously guys! Thank you! I love that you take your time to tell me everything you liked or didn't and where you think this story is heading or what need o happen for a good ending and I agree with a lot of you but I don't want to actually give anything away so I'll just thank you because I read every single one and I looove them.
One that I wanted to adress, though, was the one were someone said they didn't like my interpretation of Bonnie because she was too weak and that that she let everyone walk over her and stuff. Well, I'm sorry but the way the show was it's the same. Bonnie literally died for her friends, not one but twice. Her grandma died because of Damon, she watched her father get killed and couldn't do anything and we never saw what that did to her, they just brushed it off and this one is from her perspective so of course we have to linger in her trauma and we have to see what those things made to her and how they shaped her relationships because Bonnie in TVD in self sacrificial as shit and never really got anything in return, o in this one, we get to see her work through her issues and save herself. That's what I wanted to see, anyway.
Ok, maybe that was too much, but in case anyone else wanted to know why this is written that way, there it is. Plus, we are only in chapter six, people move forward, evolve, we have to give them time, nothing in our lives happens and leave us the same, so that's what we are doing in this fic, but if you don't like it it's ok, it's just not for you and that's cool.
Anyways, there was a lot to unpack and there's still some stuff but we are moving slowly, the way regular people do. Step by step, you know. Still I hope you liked it and if you did a review always make me smile and makes me happy, specially the long ones were you tell me how you feel about the story and the characters so far, because then I know if I'm making things right, if it's coming across the way I want them to and so far it has, so thank you!
Oh, and people can be good friends and still don't know what bothers you if you don't tell them, they can be self-absorved too, you know we all make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we are bad friends, we are just invested in something else. Ok, this was long, so sorry. I'm out now.
Happy reading!