VII. Friendship
Hope you're ready, I'm picking you up in ten
Damon? Why would he pick her up? ... Oh, shit, the sitting arrangements.
Bonnie jumped from her bed, where she had been thinking about last night. How her friendship with Damon and the other guys was coming back and she couldn't help but feel giddy, even through the hungover. But now she was running up and down her room putting on clothes and brushing her teeth at the same time.
She completely forgot they had to do that thing, she thought she had a lazy morning before the dance rehearsals, so she drank a gallon of water, had breakfast in bed and just watched the Property Brothers until she couldn't pay attention anymore because her mind was stuck in the previous day.
Her phone started ringing and she knew Damon was outside. She finished brushing her teeth as the phone continued to sound and when she was getting out of the bathroom, he started knocking in the door.
-I'm so sorry, I forgot. I'm ready- she said quickly when she opened the door.
-You have toothpaste in your chin- commented Damon scratching his own chin to show her where it was- it's nice to see some things never change
-What do you mean?- she inquired while going to the kitchen to get a napkin.
-You're always late. Always finishing brushing your teeth when I'm at the door already. You learnt nothing from our school days.
-I didn't need to be ready before that because you'd be chatting with Grams. But now I'm ready so we can be on our way
They stepped outside and Damon's mind seemed to be somewhere else, he walked towards the car without saying a word and he didn't even open her door for her, so she walked to her side and once she got inside she turned to him.
-What?- he asked immediately, startling her.
-I don't know. Your mood changed- she answered fidgeting in the seat, the sudden change in the ambience made her nervous.
-Yeah.
He started the car and stayed silent for a while, Bonnie didn't know how to react, because as much as she wanted to think they were back to how things were before, things didn't work like that, they had to earn each other's trust back. And that was what she was going to do.
-You know you can tell me what's wrong, right?
-Yes. I just don't know how you're going to take what I have to say
-You won't know until you tell me.
He seemed hesitant but shook his head and parked in front of a stranger's house to look at her.
-I came home for your Grams funeral.
She didn't know how her face looked but he looked away looking ashamed. She didn't want to talk about the time when she lost the last person in her family and the most important one for the majority of her life, but she wanted to know what happened.
-Then why didn't I see you?
-I…- he sighed and looked at her again, looking afraid- I got into a fight with Enzo.
-Wha… what? How? He was with me the whole time- she didn't want to seem angry, but her high pitched voice betrayed her. She wasn't angry, thought, she was surprised and he was very nervous, you could tell because he was playing with his hands.
-You were in the bathroom, I was trying to see you but he said that you had enough in your plate to deal with me too. I got mad and pushed him, but Stefan stopped me from knocking in your door. He said you were not in the best place and I was being too aggressive at the moment. Enzo told me to step outside. He said that you were fragile and that seeing me would make it worse because I was close with both of you.
-That's bullshit
-What?- he seemed actually surprised, he seemed to be waiting for anger or sadness, but not that.
-I wanted you there. My Grams would've too- she could feel the tears coming but she kept talking anyway- she loved you. She… she wanted to say goodbye to you before she left... When she told me that, so I called you from the hospital's telephone, but when you picked up… I couldn't speak. I started crying and didn't know how to say that she was dying – she sounded like she was about to sob, so she took a deep breath to control herself- so I just hung up. She died that same afternoon… You wouldn't have made it anyway- she finished with a whisper.
He cleaned her tears and she could see that he had some of his own, gathering in his eyes.
-I loved her too, Bonnie. Whenever I think of my parent's funeral I can see her. I can feel her hands in my shoulders- a single tear started running down his cheek and Bonnie was quick to swipe it- thank you. You, Stefan and Sheila were the only reason I made it half-sane.
-She cared about you. I don't know why Stefan told you to walk away.
-He said that you just had gone in there to cry so he didn't know how you'd react to seeing me fighting with your boyfriend.
-Well, if you guys would've let me have a saying about how I felt, things would be different. Why do you guys think you have to protect me from everything?
-Because we haven't been able to protect you from all the things that have happened already.
-What do you mean? You couldn't have protected me from my dad dying the same way I wasn't able to protect you from your parents' death.
-But you didn't deserve that
-Neither did you, Damon. Neither did Stefan. Even Caroline was left by her dad and she didn't deserve that either. We all have bad experiences and no one could protect us from that but that doesn't mean we have to shelter each other from bad experiences. I know I do that with myself but that doesn't mean you all have to do it to me too.
-I'm sorry- he said after a long pause, where they only looked at each other's eyes- You're right. I could've been there for you.
-And I for you. You lost her too. She told me you kept calling her every year on her birthday.
-She called me too.
-I'm sorry, Damon. You guys had a relationship on your own, you needed to be there for her, not me.
-Yes. You're right. I should've…
They smiled sadly at each other, they needed this type of conversation to move forward but it hurt so much thinking about her.
-Would like to go see her after the dance rehearsal? –she asked whispering, kind of afraid he'd say no, she wasn't brave enough to go on her own still.
-Yes, I'd like that very much.
She smiled fondly and he responded with a crooked one before starting the car. She took a deep breath and felt content with herself, because even if it was a very hard thing to do she was happy they got around to do it, there wasn't any other way to actually rebuild their friendship.
Once they got into the store, Caroline and Stefan were already in there with Nora.
-Hi guys!
-Caroline, please don't scream- said Stefan by her side, with a deep frown.
-Uh, someone's hungover
-Shut up Damon.
-He's been like this all day. I told him he could stay in bed and just leave me hang out with you guys, but you know how he is.
-I know how you are. We have a budget and you don't usually stick to it, so I have to come with you.
-If you're going to be grumpy and take all the fun out of this, then please leave.
-Ok, guys, it's not that deep. - intervened Bonnie, trying to not sound too tough, in case Caroline didn't like that either- It's siting arrangements, let's just relax, take a breather and not fight over these small things.
-You're right, Bonnie. As usual, let's just dive in- responded Caroline gleefully and took her by the arm to move around the store.
-Do you like this? –asked Bonnie pointing at a very cute antique chair.
-No, I want something more majestic
-Care, I love you, but it's going to be in the outdoors, right? People want to see you and maybe the altar, but these magnificent chairs? That's just a waste of money, in my opinion
-You're on Stefan's side now?- asked the blonde putting her hands on her hips.
-Caroline, what's with you today? I feel like I've gone back in time to see my high school friend and not my adult one
-I'm sorry. We got into an argument today and I've been kind of immature about it. You have nothing to do with it, though, so I should stop behaving like this.
-What happened?
-He just told me today that we need to make room for three more of his colleagues. He said one of them got him the job, so he kind of "owes them". And now I have to fix the siting chart, call the food supplier and tell them we need more stuff and it's just too much. The wedding's around the corner and he pulls this thing, I feel like I can't rely on him.
-Oh, come on, Care. You've been relying on him since we were… what? Fifteen? He messes up once and you believe your marriage is doomed? That's unfair.
-I know, it's just… I don't know, I have a bad feeling about this. He has that guilty look on his face, like he isn't telling me everything and… I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid.
-Yeah, I'm sure if he had something to tell you he would've already. He's a good guy, Care.
-I know, that's why I'm marrying him
-So, goldilocks, what about this one?- said Damon from behind them.
-I actually really like that one- she responded approaching said chair and dragging Bonnie with her.
-See witchy? I'm helpful
She smiled but didn't want to keep looking at him, the memory of their last conversation still in her mind. She didn't know how he could do it, be totally nonchalant in front of their friends when he was just so open and vulnerable with her a few minutes ago, I mean, they just cried together.
-Yeah, now let's see if we can find something for the decorations- said Caroline unaware of the tension between the other two.
-I already did my part, it's your turn- responded Damon pulling the ends of his lips down.
-All right
She turned around and walked across the room looking for something cute to put in the new chairs they just picked, while everyone else was talking about prices and the logistics of the chair choice.
-It's everything okay?
-Yeah- she turned around and saw a very relaxed Damon, looking at the decorations she had in her hands, but once he looked at her eyes, she could see that he was kind of worried- why?
-I don't know. We've been kinda walking on eggshells with our… friendship so I was just wondering if I did something wrong.
-No, don't worry- she smiled to reassure him- I think it's just me not being able to act normal too soon. Probably because I'm trying to find a balance in between being open and vulnerable and then not worrying people around me.
-So you're really trying to change, ha?
-Yeah, I'm trying to be a better version of myself. It's like… I opened up and it's hard to close myself again so I have to just walk away.
-I get you. I've been there.
-Thanks- she smiled at him with all of honesty and he smiled too, before turning around and helping again on the decorations hunt.
She was happy they got to talk and open up, being vulnerable with each other without a romantic undertone (that was totally one sided). Maybe this could be them now. Maybe she could actually have a real friendship with Damon without being in danger of falling in love with him.
They were at the dancing class and although the moves they were showing them and making them do were fairly easy she was messing up a lot, mostly because of nervousness.
-Come on, Bon Bon, you promised you wouldn't step on my feet- he teased her, making her realize she could to go back to their banter instead of talking about heavy subjects.
-It's your fault, you made me drink too much last night and now I'm too hungover to know what I'm doing- she was happy to oblige in their little back and forth, especially because there were a lot of other people around and breaking down wasn't an option.
-You said you could handle your liquor.
-I said I wasn't going to get violent. I never said I'd be okay today.
-Jesus. And now you tell me?
-Hey, you too, stop talking and dance- said the teacher, Mary Louise.
She was a bit stiff and hadn't smile the whole time they had been there, but according to Caroline's wedding planner she was the best choreographer in town.
-Just let me lead you, you step on me because you wanna move on your terms, you gotta let me guide you- he whispered to not draw attention to them again.
-Why does it have to be you? Isn't that sexist?- she whispered as well, she was kind of scared of Mary Louise.
-It kinda is, but I can't let you lead because you don't even know what she wants us to do.
-I know, it's this- she moved away from him trying to imitate the other couples but she wasn't very successful.
-Just let me lead for now, when you get the hang of it, you can lead me. I don't really care.
She nodded and took a step forward to take his hand and he placed his other hand in the small of her back. She tried not to react to it and looked past him, because she didn't want him to realize what effect he had on her.
-You need to look at your partner in the eyes- said Mary Louise from behind them, but looking at her through the mirror. That woman was very scary.
- I don't bite, Bon Bon.
-I know. But you'll distract me with your facial expressions.
-What do you mean?
-Remember when you tried to learn to dance because you finally wanted to go to prom? And then we rehearsed together and you just kept making weird facial expressions and threw me off?
-That was ages ago. - he responded with a wince, but his face had a bit of red. Weird- I won't do now it I promise
-Ok
She looked at him in the eyes while he started guiding the dance, he kept his face neutral as promised and they could finally move along the music in the same way the others were.
And suddenly his eyes were a lot more expressive than before, they were soft, with a few wrinkles around them, and an almost imperceptible smile on his mouth, but she was so close she could see it.
Suddenly he looked at her lips and her heart did not only skip a bit, it seemed like it had exploded and she actually tripped.
-Careful there, witchy- he whispered to her ear, pulling her close so she didn't fall.
-Ok, just let me stand up on my own- she said trying to regain restraint with some space, feeling her face on fire, she could only pray no one around them would realize.
-Fine- he said with a small smile, letting her go and making her lose her balance again, but she recovered and stood up alone, regaining composure.
-Come on, we don't have all day. It's not that hard- yelled Lexi from the back of the room, where she and Klaus were moving in perfect harmony. Actually the only other couple having issues was Rebecca and Matt, but the other four were doing great. She hated that Caroline and Stefan were mad and still were dancing perfectly.
Bonnie took a deep breath and took Damon's hand so he started guiding her again, she looked at him in the eyes and decided that the best way of not getting flustered was to talk to him about regular stuff.
-So, why did you decide you weren't going to prom?
-Because the girl I wanted to ask to come with me already had a date.
-Oh my God, why didn't you tell me you had a crush on a girl that rejected you? I could've stayed home with you, watching a sad movie and eating ice cream.
-I'm not Caroline. That's not what I wanted
-Then what did you want?
He looked at her warily. He didn't seem to want to continue and she wasn't going to push. Even though she really wanted to know who on their right mind could go to prom with someone else having the choice of going with him.
I mean, she had gone with a guy whose name she couldn't even remember, all because she was sad Damon was planning on taking a girl to prom and she couldn't bear the thought of being home alone when he was out partying and kissing somebody else.
That was very bad planned, now that she thought of it, she definitely didn't want to see him kissing someone so she shouldn't have been there for starters. Teenagers have weird plans.
-I don't know. To just spend that night with you
She was so into her own mind that she felt like that came out of nowhere and flustered the hell out of her.
-What?
-Yeah, you know, just spend time the way we used to. Talking about stupid things like UFO's and TV shows and that kind of stuff. I didn't care about ice cream or chick flicks.
-Oh, come on. You watched Pride and Prejudice and you loved it.
-Yeah, it was a good movie but I still don't understand why you had to watch it so many times. With once it's enough.
-What are you talking about? Just one time? You have to see it multiple times to realize about all the little details and the camera work and the way the actors move and everything. Ugh. Such a masterpiece.
-You really love that thing- he said smiling and shaking his head
-Yeah, I love it love it.
-So much that you haven't realized we've done all the steps perfectly
She was about to comment but Mary Louise started showing them new steps so they had to pay attention to her.
The whole way from the dance studio to the cemetery was silent, a stark contrast with the banter and the romantic music on their ears from a few minutes ago. But now she didn't know what to say or how to act, and neither did him, apparently, so they just stayed quiet.
Once they got out of the car, they looked at each other and nodded, it was time they made peace with her passing and said goodbye together, like they used to do before going to school every morning.
-Do you think she'll be mad?- he asked suddenly in a whisper
-I don't think so, why do you ask?- she asked back in a whisper, something about being in a cemetery made her feel weird about talking too loud.
-Because I haven't visited her in years.
-Wait, so you have visited her?
-Yeah. The day after the funeral, I had to pay my respects.
-Oh. Well, for what it's worth I don't think she could be mad at you about it. She had a soft spot for you, I remember that she used to defend you when I talked shit about you.
-You talked shit about me?- he almost screamed
-Shut up- she shushed him and he smiled but moved his hands, inviting her to respond- Oh, you know. When I used to be mad at you.
-I was too, but I never talked shit about you to Grams.
-She's my Grams, I talk whatever I want to her. Or used to, anyway.
-I bet you still talk to her. I wouldn't blame you, sometimes I feel like calling her too.
They got to her grave and the heaviness came back to them. She felt a little bummed that they hadn't bring her flowers, but she knew that her Grams didn't care about that as much as she cared about them visiting.
She hadn't been able to come in a couple of years, she had told herself that it was because she was so busy with the residency but the truth was that she had no one to go with and she didn't like the idea of going there to cry alone.
She could still hear her voice sometimes, when she was struggling the most. She missed her hugs, though. Tears started streaming down her face and Damon squeezed her shoulder, she turned to him and he had some tears gathering in his eyes as well, but stubborn as he was, he wasn't letting them get out. She decided it was time for some distraction.
-What did you talk about when you called her?
-Everything. About my ideas to start a company. About college, Elena, my relationship with Stefan. How much I missed her and you.
-You talked about me?
-How wouldn't we? You were our only link for so long. She used to say that I should be patient with you, that you'd come around and try to fix things or that I should do that. I told her that I never saw you interested in making up and that your boyfriend seemed more of a bodyguard. She laughed at that, we started calling him your bodyguard after that.
-She made fun of Enzo?- she swiped her tears away, genuinely interested in this side of her Grams she never heard of.
-All the time. She said she liked him as a person, but she didn't like him as your boyfriend.- he seemed to blush and debate if he should carry on and this time she moved her hands to make him continue- She said that she wasn't being fair to him, though, because she always thought that we'd end up together, so she was just mad because he was in the way of that.
-Wow- she was the one to get embarrassed this time, so she tried to change the topic fast- Grams really put a lot of trust in you, didn't she?- but she couldn't do it, it was too big not to discuss it- She wanted us to get together? Damn. She never told me that.
-She said that if she did you'd feel like you had to and she wanted you to choose. She said you had a thing for pleasing the people you love and I always told her that that wasn't like I remembered you, but it makes sense now.
-Yeah… I let your going to New York affect me way more than it should have.
-I'm sorry, Bonnie.
-I know. I'm sorry too. I'm glad I stayed, though. I wouldn't have liked being away from my Grams on her last years.
-Yeah.
They remained silent for a few minutes, looking at her grave and remembering her.
-I don't wanna forget her, Damon- she whispered with a broken voice. She hadn't told anyone about that, but it was a huge fear of hers.
-I don't think you could, Bonnie. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her, you're out of danger of that.
-That's because she passed just a couple of years ago. But I don't remember everything about my dad. I used to remember the way he smelled, how his hugs felt and the way his voice could always calm me down on a thunderstorm. But I can't remember the details now and that makes me feel like a terrible daughter.
Damon turned to her and took her shoulders to make her face him as well.
-You are not a terrible daughter, Bonnie. You were nine when he died. You don't have memories from him before being like three? Four? So you only have, what? Five years worth of memories? Forgetting details does not make you a bad daughter, Bonnie. It makes you human.
-But I want to remember.
-I know, so do I. I forgot stuff, too. And it kills me, but I made peace with it, because I was 14 when they died. I'm about to have lived twice that.
-There's still a couple of years- she tried to lighten up the mood she had brought down, but Damon needed to get this out, it seemed.
-Yes, and that means that there's going to be more details missed by the time I get there and there's nothing I can do about it. Except maybe watching old family videos, but those break me.
-Yeah. The year before my Grams died we watched a video of my dad on my sixth birthday. I almost couldn't see the next day because of how swollen my eyes were. At first it was fun seeing him, remembering the way he moved and walked but when he laughed… oh God, listening at his laugh made me realize how much I missed him.
The tears came back and Damon pulled her in for a hug, which made her cry even more. She hated that they both had such shitty experiences. A kid deserves to grow up with their parents by their side.
-I know Stefan watches videos like that, but I can't. I can't see them again- he whispered holding her tighter.
They stayed embracing each other and the pain they both tried to ignore, but always came back.
-I can't stay here any longer. Let's just go to my house and watch Pride and Prejudice.- she said looking up at him, still hugging him.
-Really? Pride and Prejudice again?- he smiled at her, with it somehow reaching his eyes and that made her feel better about herself.
-Since we talked about it, I can't stop thinking about it. Plus, I need something to comfort me.
-I thought I was doing that- he argued squeezing her inside of his arms, making her smile this time.
-Yeah, but we're still in the cemetery.
-True. I feel like having some comfort food as well.
-We can make pancakes in my house.
-Deal- he kissed her in the forehead, making her feel warm inside. So, without thinking twice she kissed him in the cheek, which surprised and seemed to embarrass him, because his face turned pink.
-Thank you- she said to distract herself from the fact that she provoked that reaction on him.
-Thank you and your Grams. You two have been a huge part in my life- he finally let her go and turned to the stone in front of them- Thank you, Sheila- he was silent for ten seconds before he started laughing sadly a little bit, sparking Bonnie's interest.
-Why are you laughing now?
-Because I know exactly what she'd say. Anytime I thanked her for something she'd say "I don't need no thank you, I want you to take your ass here, mend things with Bonnie and have dinner with us". I'm sorry I never got around to it, Sheila.
-I'm sure she understands. Plus, we're having dinner now in her house, I'm sure she'd be happy about that.
-You're right.
She looked at her name on the stone and blew it a kiss.
-Thank you, Grams. I miss you. I'll always will, so I promise to come here again with flowers soon.
They walked towards his car in a calm silence this time, without the heavy atmosphere they walked in surrounding them.
Bonnie felt liberated, all these conversations exhausted her but in a good way, it felt like they helped her heal, somehow. She was happy they did this, getting to know her Grams through another person's eyes and getting to hang out with Damon feeling nothing but comfort.
-Are we really watching this movie again?
-Oh, come on, you loved it last time.
-Yeah, but I thought it was a onetime thing.
-It's not. Just put it on while we make the pancakes.
Bonnie was looking at the things in her fridge to start cooking, thankfully she had all they needed and she started putting everything in the counter, while Damon was moving behind her, playing with her stuff.
-This is a nice sofa, I don't remember this- he was stalling. He didn't want to put the movie on, but she played along to see where this went.
-I bought it with my first residency paycheck, the other one was too old and was hurting Gram's back.
-That's sweet of you- he murmured before finally putting the movie on.
-Ok. Are you going to help me or what? Why do you have your ass on the couch instead of doing something useful?- she said trying to revive the playful tone they used to have.
-Uh oh, bossy-pants is here. I already put the movie on. What else do you want me to do?
-I need help with this.
-Oh, you can't make pancakes on your own? Classic Bonnie- that made her roll her eyes at him and he smiled wryly.
He walked up to her while she was doing the mix and he looked at her propping up against the wall beside her.
-What?- she asked after a few moments, when things started to get awkward. Or at least she was.
-Nothing, I was just remembering the first time we did pancakes in this kitchen. Almost everything is the same.
-Yeah. When she died I stopped caring about modernizing the house, because that meant getting rid of her things and I couldn't do it.
-That's why you still have those pans?
-Hey, the pancake pan it's fairly new.
-You have a pancake pan?
-I love pancakes, okay?
-I know. I introduced you to them.
-You did not. You just told me how to make them.
-Yes, introduced you to the home made ones.
-You're so annoying- she complained with a smile.
-That's why you love me, now scoot over. I'm making the pancakes. You just watch and learn.
She laughed at his cocky attitude and walked away from her spot to watch him work.
She loved the view she was getting, not just because of his backside, but because he seemed like he belonged there, in her kitchen, making her pancakes. For a moment, she let herself fantasize about having him there daily, cooking for her and making her feel more at home.
He turned around and smiled crookedly at her, making her feel like he caught her, but her defensive mode jumped out.
-What? I can't look at you now?
-I'm not saying that but it looks like you're enjoying it too much.
-Well, it's nice to have someone to cook for you for a change- she responded looking at the floor, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was still racing but she didn't know if it was because of the fantasy or feeling like she got caught.
-Pff, Enzo was really crappy if he didn't. If you would've dated me instead of that idiot, you'd have pancakes every weekend.
That didn't help to slow her racing heart, in fact did the opposite. He seemed honest, to make it worst and she thought about teasing him to make the feeling go away.
-You kind of seem a little bit too excited about that scenario.
-And what if I am?
They looked at each other in silence for a bit, she was taken aback and he seemed to be honest again, which sent a million butterflies to her stomach and her heart was racing harder than before. But it took her too long to respond and her phone started ringing. She vacillated, unsure of what to do next, but Damon turned around, so she looked at her phone.
It was Caroline so she picked up, she called to remember her that the next day they had rehearsals early and then a spa day with the girls. When she hang up, Damon was flipping pancakes and being a total Master Chef on her kitchen, which made her smile.
She remember how she had thought earlier that they could actually be friends without her crushing on him the entire time, but it seemed like she was wrong, if anything, the friendship aspect of this new relationship was making it feel more real. Exactly the way she used to feel all those years ago, but somehow different. It scared her that now that they were older and wiser she could be in more danger of falling hopelessly in love with him.
He turned to her with that crooked smile and she could feel herself losing her breath. Damn it.
This feeling was definitely more than just friendship
Ok, this was a long one. Hopefully you guys liked it. I know everyone is waiting for them to kiss and confess but these people are stubborn and I'm into slowburns haha. It's still advancing and building the foundations of their relationship, we are close to uncovering secrets and Bonnie shifting the way her relationships work.
I hope you guys like the way this is going and you let me a review about your opinion of it, I looove reading those and sometimes I respond them, unless I feel like I'm giving too much away.
All right, have fun and happy reading! See you next week.