VIII. His own medicine
They ate the pancakes on her very old table, in an awkward silence. She hadn't decided yet if Caroline's call had save her or doomed her. Did he really mean it? It seemed like it, but he had never really said anything or expressed interest before.
Well, there was that kiss. But it was hardly a kiss, it was a peck in the lips and then he never addressed it again, leaving her wondering what that meant, exactly like right now.
-Earth to Bonnie- he teased, taking her out of her head, apparently he had talked to her before.
-Yes?
-I'm sorry if I made things awkward. I was joking.
-Oh- she didn't try to sound disappointed, but she was and he seemed to pick it up, because he smiled wryly- I know. That's not why I was silent.
-Then what is it?
-I… I was just thinking about something Caroline told me- she lied trying to sound convincing.
-What is that?
-Well… you know. She and Stefan got into a fight the other day, over new guests. I was just wondering why Stefan did what he did- she lied again, because she was sure that Caroline wasn't even mad anymore, but she needed a way out.
-Oh… that.
-Yes, that. Why? Do you know something about it?
-Me? Psht. No- he answered looking at his pancakes, he definitely knew something.
-What is it?
-Witchy, it's not my business. Actually it's not yours either, so leave it alone.
-So there is something to know. Interesting.
-Everything's okay. Relax. Eat your pancakes.
She looked at him for a while before she kept eating what he cooked. There was something he was hiding but she didn't know if she wanted to push anymore, if he ended up telling her something and wanted her to stay quiet, there was no way in hell she could. She would have to tell her best friend. But she couldn't let it go.
-Is he going to be in trouble? Is the wedding going to be in trouble?
-Come on! Why do you believe the worst is going to happen?
-Because I know Caroline. She was freaking out about this in the morning, if there's more she's going to freak out even more.
-Bonnie, really, there's nothing to worry about. Worry about your life, getting a job and buying more stuff for your house, your Grams doesn't care about these pans. She'd hate to see that you're holding on to these things instead of her memory.
She didn't know where that came from. He was not playing nice and that meant that she had struck a nerve. She was dwelling on how to proceed but he seemed to feel bad under her gaze, he was fidgeting and he wasn't looking at her. He knew he messed up.
He couldn't take it anymore, apparently, so he stood up and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes.
-Damon… You didn't have to snap at me. You know something and you don't want to tell me and that's fine, but you don't need to push me away by hurting my feelings. That's messed up.
She was calmed, she wasn't mad but she was tired of accepting these kind of behaviors from her friends. She needed to put her foot down sometimes and he needed to listen to her.
-You're right- he whispered turning around. He was standing in the middle of her kitchen while she looked at him from the table. He was looking at the floor, like a scolded kid and that made him look adorable but she wasn't going to budge.
-And?
-And I'm sorry. I hate saying that because I feel it doesn't change anything. I already messed up and hurt your feelings.
-Yeah, but if you say you're sorry I can see that you realize you messed up and maybe even forgive you.
-I do and I won't do it anymore... I need some changing on my own- he continued after a while.
-We all do
-Yeah, but you're really working on it, you're actually changing and I feel like I'm staying behind. I mean, that's a crappy self-defense mechanism. I used to use it with Stefan and Elena, but never with you. We've been all right for what? A few days now? And I'm already fucking things up. Are you sure you're in this ride?
He looked actually insecure, even if he had said it in a humorous way. He was trying to pass it as a joke but he was scared. And that broke her nonchalant façade.
She stood up and walked up to him, he was avoiding her gaze and seemed taken aback when she put her arms around him, which made her smile.
-I know you, Damon. The real you. I know how you get when you are excited, when you're cranky, when you're tired and when you're happy. I was your ride or die for years, even before we knew what that meant. We were friends in the worst time of our lives, why wouldn't we be friends now that things are going so good?
-I've missed you Bonnie Bennet.
-And I you, Damon Salvatore.
-One, two, three. Go!- screamed Mary Louise and they started to move.
It was early and she and Damon were still adjusting to the rhythm, but they were doing it fairly good, mostly because they just had to stick to the basic step for a few tempos. The hard part, though, was that they had to change positions around the bride and groom, who were in the middle of their friends, dancing and smiling oblivious of the other's struggle to find their mark and the perfect symmetry.
After that, they had to do some actually simple things, basic steps, spinning in the same place and a few steps to each side, all that was easy peasy. However, there was one step in particular that was difficult for her, mostly because it was too intimate. He had to turn her around and then pull her in with her back leaning on his front side. She could feel every muscle in his body and God it was a good body.
They also had to be cheek to cheek and her face was very hot from the proximity, she knew he could feel it because she felt his face turn to a smile. Bastard. He knew the effect he had on her and he was enjoying it.
Then he spun her and they were face to face again, he had that cocky smile and she just rolled her eyes, making him smile wider and more honestly.
They rehearsed the same movements and when it was time for her to lean on him, she prepared herself to not get flustered and to see if she actually had an effect on him. So, she arched her back and felt how he stifled immediately. She could also feel the heat on his face this time. And something else down south.
He spun her again and his, now red, face had no trace of cockiness, he was avoiding her eyes, which made her smile triumphant. So she had an effect on him as well, that was good to know.
Next time they did it, they both tried to get a reaction from each other, but got one from someone else.
-Hey kids, I get there's sexual tension, but let's keep it PG-13- screamed Lexi over the music, making them blush even more. She had forgotten for a moment that they had an audience.
-Focus!- screamed Mary Louise, making everyone stop looking at them and doing their steps, so Bonnie thanked her with her eyes. She nodded, so she was well aware of how she was saving their dignity. Damn. She started liking the scary lady.
She couldn't look at Damon in the eyes for the next five minutes, but oddly their dance moves got better, even thought there was a good distance in that particular movement.
When they were finally looking at each other again, they couldn't keep the embarrassed little smiles and complicit looks, like little kids getting caught while doing something they shouldn't do.
And then, when they were finally getting comfortable with each other again the class finished and the embarrassment fell onto Bonnie again like a pile of bricks.
-This was an interesting class- offered Matt, seemingly to make things comfortable again and she'd always thank him for that.
-Pretty much- said Rebecca
-I mean, I knew you both had urges but damn!
-Lexi!
-What? Isn't that what we're all thinking? Let it be known, maybe then…
-Just shut up, please- said Stefan softly, he could never scream or be mad at her, but even he could see she was taking things too far.
-Ok, I'm sorry
-It's ok love, they just like deceiving themselves- offered Klaus with a knowing smile.
-Yes, let's bounce. You promised me lunch.
-Weren't we going to the spa?- asked Rebecca a little bit angry, she didn't seem to enjoy the attention Klaus was giving Lexi.
-Oh, didn't Caroline told you?
-Tell us what?- chimed in Bonnie, relieved the attention wasn't on her anymore.
-Sorry, I got confused last night. I was just so looking forward for it that I messed up. The spa thing it's scheduled tomorrow. I actually wasn't the one to realize, Stefan did.
-It's ok, with all the things we have going on, it's better if we just have a day off- said Stefan putting his arm around her fiancé.
They kept talking about the wedding and all they had to do, but Bonnie was just paying attention to the warmth coming from Damon's body by her side. She knew he was going to want to hang out, but she wasn't sure that that was the best. She needed some space.
After those movements, she kind of felt turned on and that wasn't okay, they were just starting to rebuild their friendship but she hadn't had some in a few months now. Almost a year, actually, and he was just so fucking hot.
But she couldn't let herself succumb to her physical needs, she had feelings for him, the situation was already messy, she didn't need to make it messier with sexy thoughts.
-You okay?- asked Damon, taking her out of her mind. Everyone was getting out of the studio and they seemed to be the last ones.
-Yes, let's get out of here- she responded taking her stuff from the floor and walking outside, with him following her.
-Okay, I was thinking, we have nothing to do after this. Maybe you could cook for me this time.
-As fun as that sounds for me, I think I should do some very late spring-cleaning.
-We're in summer.
-Exactly. I need to get rid of a lot of stuff and maybe decide on getting some new things.
-Does this have to do with what I said last night?- he asked while opening her door.
-No, well… you were right, but I've been thinking about it for some time now- she said without looking at him, even thought he was standing there with the door open.
-Okay- he closed the door and walked to his side to get into the car- I'll just take you home and do some work of my own then.
There was an uncomfortable silence while they were going to her house, she wasn't sure what caused it, so she didn't know how to fix it.
-Did I say something wrong?
-No, it's all cool- he responded rapidly, making her feel like she had.
-Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything.
He smiled and turned his head to the side, his eyes said "are you sure?" and both knew she was lying. She didn't know what he wanted to tell her, but she knew she wasn't ready, whatever it was. So she just stayed quiet until he dropped her at her house.
-So? Have you done the deed?-asked the blonde moving her eyebrows at her the next day.
-What are you talking about Lexi?- answered Bonnie while putting her face inside the hole in her massage table.
They were at the spa, getting relaxed, which she definitely needed and thank God Caroline decided to postpone the dancing lessons until tomorrow, they were going to be in the studio for quite some time the next day, but with the way things ended up with Damon she'd rather face him after the spa thing.
-Oh, come on! Even I can see that all that sexual tension, just get it over with already!- shouted Rebecca from her massage table, which honestly startled her, she was the only one that hadn't commented on her situation yet.
-What are you guys talking about?- asked Bonnie playing oblivious, still hiding her face. She was mortified they were freely talking about her sexual life in front of all these massagers.
-Bonnie, we have seen you as friends, best friends, stranded friends and now with this weird sexual friendship. We all know what you guys have gone through and we all see it. Why don't you?
Caroline was speaking about it too? Have they made too much of a scene that they were all commenting about it freely? Were they right? Was she wasting her time just being friends with him?
Nah, they just wanted them to be together, like they used to when they were teens.
-Because there's nothing to see. We are trying to get back to being friends and there's no sexual tension whatsoever.
-Agh! That's bullshit. You had your butt on his crotch. Not even Klaus and I were doing that, and we're actually boning.
-Come on, Lexi! I don't wanna hear about it
-Rebecca, you know about this for quite some time now
-Which doesn't mean I like hearing about it.
-Ok, but we're not talking about that, we're talking about Bonnie and Damon and how they need to fuck already.
-Can we just, not talk about this right now?
-When, then?
-I don't know. Let's go get some drinks later, but just let me relax right now, okay?
-Fine- said all three of them.
-But we're going to your place, Lexi. I love the views of your apartment.
-And you don't want us to go to your place because I'll stay there with Klaus.
-You're so smart, love, that's why I'd like for you to be my sister in law instead of her fuck buddy.
-Honey, no. Your brother is great in the bed, but he's and asshole. If I get into a relationship it will be with someone that treats me right and spoils the shit out of me.
-You're right. I should break up with Matt, shouldn't I?
-What? Where the fuck did you get that from?
-He doesn't spoils me that much, he hasn't proposed yet!
-He puts up with a lot of shit, honey, you're a handful. And he makes you happy, why do you need marriage, anyway?
-Lexi!- shouted Caroline
-What?
-She's not a handful, she has bad stuff, but she is also crazy talented, beautiful, loyal and funny. Don't undermine her.
-Fine. I just think that you're asking too much of him. You guys haven't been together for more than three years, Caroline and Stefan were together for eight years before getting engaged.
-Yeah but…
Bonnie stopped listening to them, she was finally relaxed and enjoying her massage. She had no idea what she was going to talk about with them once they got to the drinking, but she didn't want that to get in the way of her massage.
Okay, maybe she was procrastinating thinking about stuff again, but this time she had a good excuse right?
She realized it was still an excuse. But she really didn't want to talk about that, much less think about it. He was just a flirt, with everyone, maybe he was testing his skills with her? But he had never done that, so why start now?
They had been always very hands on deck, they used to hug each other all the time and invade each other's personal space almost every chance they got, but that was just part of being friends. Their friendship came with that kind of behavior and she never thought anything of it, unlike her friends. They always said that that meant they wanted to be together and it was the case on her part, but him? She always thought he wasn't on the same page.
Until now. I mean, he had kissed her before he left and now he had enjoyed getting her flustered and he had got flustered when she did something, but maybe it was a human thing to do when you touched someone like that?
She wasn't sure.
They finally came out of the spa, relaxed and with their skin glowing.
-I'm hungry, guys- said Bonnie while walking towards Caroline's car.
-Yeah, me too. Let's order sushi!- shouted Rebecca with her eyes glowing.
-Oh, I can't, you know I'm on a diet.
-Care. I love you, but you're crazy. You're slim, hot and perfect and if you keep dieting you're gonna lose your butt. So sushi it is- sentenced Lexi. She took her phone out and started asking everyone what their favorite store was to order.
-I love that we're drinking and eating together, we haven't had a girls night out in forever!
-Caroline, we had one a few months ago- said Rebecca looking at her nails.
-Yes, but without Bonnie. This one is with all of us.
-Well, then it's been years.
They got to the car and Bonnie didn't know how to feel. She usually avoided girls' nights out, but she never realized she had skipped them so much that they didn't tell her about them anymore, even though it made sense. I mean, she was in residency and she obviously was going to say no, but it still stung a bit.
They got into the car talking about the sushi and prices and stuff and Bonnie just faked a smile and accepted everything that the girls suggested.
Lexi and Rebecca were sitting in the back, loudly discussing about a certain ingredient but she didn't really care.
-Are you okay Bonnie?- whispered Caroline
-Yeah, why?
-I don't know. You seem off.
-It's all good.
-You know I love you right?
-Yes and I love you. So? What happened between you and Stefan?- she said trying to get the focus of the conversation out of herself and Carline smiled knowingly.
-He apologized and worked on the sitting chart with me. He called the food providers and catering – she answered gleefully- so, I forgave him.
-That's what I wanted to hear
-I'm still curious, though. – she said starting to sound serious- He wouldn't tell me the names of these people and he still has that look. I wonder if that's bad news
-You have to talk to him, there's no other way to resolve things but to communicate
-Someone's all shrink in here
-Well, you have to learn from your mistakes.
-And Bonnie knows a thing or two about avoiding communication, in ….
-Lexi, stop it- interrupted Caroline rolling her eyes.
-Oh, but she's going to talk about it. We're all talking about it and some other stuff too. I need to know what is going to be your honeymoon's lingerie. And Rebecca has to tell us if Matt it's good in bed. I tried to hook up with him a few times but he never fell on my trap.
-Your vagina, you mean?
-CAROLINE!
-Oh, come on, Bex, you were thinking it too.
-Well, maybe but I don't wanna talk about my boyfriend like that.
-Don't worry, you'll be very drunk when we get to that topic, first on the list is Bonnie, then Care and then you.
-And what about you?- asked Bonnie this time, getting the hang of the dynamic.
-What else do you need to know? I tell you bitches everything.
-Well, you need to tell us how was the first time you hooked up with Klaus of course- responded Care
-I need buzz first- said Lexi with a wince.
-Don't we all?- asked Rebecca dramatically, making them all laugh.
Well, maybe she had missed hanging out with them all.
They ate, drank, danced and laughed together. When she wasn't so defensive about her personal life she had much more fun with the girls, especially since Lexi liked to call everyone out, but she had waited a long time this time around, probably waiting for them to be drunk first.
-Okay, now will you tell us what's in the way of you and Damon being in bed already?
-Lexi, we spent years hating each other, we just started being friends again and we're trying to be that, friends. I don't want to ruin it with sex.
-You could maybe just sleep with him once to get him out of your system.
-No, that's not what I want to happen.
-But maybe Damon does. And, let's be honest, you both want that, why aren't you just friends with benefits if one time isn't enough?
-I just said it, that's not what I want
-And I know why not. Because you're…
-Lexi, stop it- interrupted Caroline with a warning in her eyes- stop pushing it. If they ever want that, then they'll do it. But you can't tell everyone to just do what you'd do.
-I think they should, though, it's liberating when you start just saying what you think and what you want. The worst that can happen it's them saying no and then if you don't say anything it's already a no. Just do something brave for once in your life, Bonnie.
-Lex, I don't wanna lose him again- she whispered, the alcohol had clearly gotten to her, because she wasn't always this sincere with Lexi.
-I know, but I don't think you will. Damon… like… adores you.
-What are you taking about?
-Do you not have eyes? Do you not see the way he looks at you? Talks to you? How he wants to spend every single moment with you?
-That's because we've lost so many years. We were like really tight back in the day and he's always looked at me the same way.
-Exactly.
-Lexi, just let her get there on her own- said Rebecca after a few moments in silence- they both need to get there on their own terms, you can't force them.
-But they could be so… fucking cute- she said making her hands into fists, she seemed passionate about it.
-Ok, now you're making it weird- commented Caroline before laughing. They all did.
-Ok, fine, I'm out of your lives. It's Care's turn.
-Oh, boy.
They all kept drinking and sharing and Bonnie felt so much better with their presence and also with what they all said. I mean, Lexi was the one that talked more, but the others seemed to agree, even when they didn't say anything to her.
Could she be so blind that she couldn't see what everyone else did? And what that? Sexual tension? Feelings? She needed to pay more attention.
-Ok, honey. Don't … don't worry I called you… an uber just for you- said Lexi, struggling to get the words out, because of the alcohol.
-Ok- Bonnie was just relaxed on the sofa. Caroline and Rebecca wanted to stay there to sleep, but Bonnie hated sleeping in other people's bed.
After a few minutes of her falling sleep in the sofa, Lexi started moving her.
-He's here!- she screamed excited. Bonnie didn't know why she was so excited about it but lifted herself up and walked out of the house with Lexi.
-Oh fuck. Really Lexi?- she asked opening her eyes wide once they got to see the "uber".
-What?- asked Damon outside.
-Did you really called him? You said it was just an uber.
-Are you mad it's him?
-Shut up- she said rolling her eyes while walking towards his car, he seemed puzzled but opened the door for her without saying a word.
-Are you okay?- he asked once he got into the car himself.
-Excellent
-Are you sure? You seem a little too much to the left
She realized he was right, so she moved her body to be sitting straight
-Is this good enough for you, Mr. Salvatore?
-Uh, bitchy Bonnie is here. I like her.
-No. You don't know me when I'm bitchy. You only know me on my cranky self.
-Bon bon, you were a bitch to me literally for years.
-That was pissed off Bonnie, not bitchy Bonnie- he looked at her like saying 'really?'- EYES ON THE ROAD!
-Okay, all right. Jesus. You haven't changed a bit.
-Really? After all the effort I've put into changing you're telling me that?- she knew she was acting like a child but the alcohol just got her and wasn't letting her behave.
-Oh, come on! I meant you haven't changed the good stuff. You are changing what you realized was wrong, but all the other stuff? The funny, sassy, childish, quirky Bonnie is still here. And I live for it, honestly.
-Really? Do you?
-Yeah, I love that stuff about you.
She remained in silence for a bit, thinking about what the girls said today. About how the sexual tension was building up and how he adored her. I mean, she had had very strong feelings for him before but she never knew how he felt. I mean, on her side and present tense she felt attracted to him, obviously and she could rely on him for everything and it kinda felt like she was falling again for him but she could just be evoking feelings from the past and she could totally be over him.
Maybe the girls were right and she needed to have sex with him to get him out of her system.
-Maybe.
-Maybe what?
-What?
-You said maybe.
-No I didn't.
-Yes you did, like five seconds ago.
-Nah.
He smiled and shook her head, he was so sexy with his wild bed hair and the light striking on his blue eyes and his old T-shirt that was clearly a pajamas. She really wanted to invite him over. But she knew it was a mistake.
-Is everything okay?
-Why do you ask?- she said with her eyes still wandering on him.
-You have been staring at me for the past five minutes.
-I was just thinking.
-About what?
-Nothing, stuff the girls said. They're crazy- she kind of wanted to tell him and not. She really wanted to see his reaction but she knew it was reckless.
-What were they saying?
-I don't wanna tell you.
They got to her house and he parked outside. He walked out to open her door and took her hand to help her out.
-Thank you
-You can thank me telling me what they said- he whispered very close to her, still with his hand in her hand.
-I shouldn't- she whispered back a little breathless, making him smile crookedly and closing a bit of the distance, making her remember more and more of the kiss they had all those years ago.
-But you want to, don't you?- he whispered, making her fall onto his spell, like a fog filling her brain.
-I kinda do ...- she whispered looking at his mouth. So close…
-Then go for it
-They... -she couldn't get her eyes to leave his lips, so close to hers and her caution flew out the wind- they said we should have sex.
He pulled back when she answered and she could feel a the fog pull back with him.
-Really? And do you think so too?
He wasn't very happy with her answer, it seemed. His frown was down and his eyes were very intense, he wanted to know what her answer was, but she wasn't ready for it.
-I don't have to tell you anything- she said letting his hand go.
He tried getting closer to her again, but she walked to her house, she needed the space between them. He followed her and when she got to her door he took her arm very gently.
-Can you please tell me?
She turned around and he looked very tired, very young also. The pajamas and crazy hair were part of it, but also the honesty and raw emotion in his eyes. It remembered her of herself, looking in the mirror, practicing how she was going to ask him what that kiss meant. She never got to do it, because when he came back he was an asshole to her, so she felt like giving him some of his own medicine.
-I'll answer if you answer something first.
-And what would that be?
-Why did you kiss me before going to New York?
His eyes widened and he took a step back as soon as she finished her question, making her take a step forward.
He looked at her very surprised and suddenly his head moved to the left.
-You're losing balance again- he whispered.
He was right, she was. She was very drunk, but this conversation needed to happen.
-You're right, but that isn't an answer to my question.
-I think it's okay if we both keep our secrets for a little bit.
-So you don't want my answer either?- she asked almost screaming, she was starting to get angry at him.
-I'd rather not. I think it's okay to have secrets between friends, it's healthy even- he answered with that usual nonchalant attitude she usually envied.
She turned around and opened her door, she heard him sight but he hadn't moved and that's when a brilliant idea came to her mind.
She let her door open and turned around.
-Then what's another secret between friends? - she asked before walking to him and giving him a peck on the lips, just as fast as he did almost eight years ago.
When she pulled back his eyes were huge and he was opening his mouth, but she wasn't going to let him say anything.
She turned around and closed the door behind her, smiling triumphantly.
Hi guys! I'm so sorry I couldn't upload on schedule, but I've been crazy busy lately. I'm still kinda proud I could upload so soon. Part of the issue was that I felt like the chapter wasn't exciting enough and then I changed a bunch of things and added some scenes that weren't intended for this chapter but I just felt like it was lacking somewhere. I finally felt good about it like ten minutes ago, before I decided to edite and then submit. Hopefully you guys will tell me if you felt it was too slow somewhere or if you liked that this once had more opinions and dialogues from the other people in this world instead of just focusing on Damon and Bonnie.
Another thing I wanted to discuss is a review I got about a line I put in the last chapter: "good thing she was black because if she wasn't she'd be the same color as her blood." Someone called me out on it for perpetrating stereotypes about black people and how Bonnie is lightskinned so she'd still blush and I'm so sorry about it. I've tried to avoid stereotypes and make my characters as human as possible and not just go with what they're supposed to be like. I didn't mean it as she wouldn't blush, though, I know she'd do it but I meant it wasn't going to be as noticeable as if Caroline blushed furiosly, for example. I was thinking about the context of having an audience and her being relieved that it wouldn't be as obvious for the rest, but since it can be taken out of context I decided to take it out from the chapter.
Thank you for calling me out on that and for the rest of your review, it was very sweet. Also, all of your reviews bring a smile to my face, so thank you very much guys! have a nice week and hopefully I can upload next week without issue, but I'm not sure if it's going to be Tuesday or Wednesday. I don't know if I'll have time, so I won't make any promises. I always write on the tumblr if things are not coming soon and also some sneak peeks so it's worth checking that out :)
Anyway, happy reading!