XI. The truth
She was so nervous she could hardly put the decorations up, her hands were slippery and a bit shaky. Caroline was looking at her from the corner, clearly amused, but Bonnie refused to give her the satisfaction to acknowledge her.
The guys should be home any minute now and she knew Damon wasn't going to jump right into the conversation, but she was also incredibly eager to harass him until he did. She knew she had to contain herself in front of others, but… how? He had told her he had a crush on her at the same she did, but she had so many questions about that.
-Bonnie, pull yourself together please.
-Care, stop it. I'm fine.
-Then why haven't you put up a single decoration in the last ten minutes?
-Because I don't know how to, these things are confusing.
-It's literally the easiest thing to do, honey. Why don't you go up stairs and get ready and I'll finish up here?
She really wanted to but she also knew she wasn't going to be very productive up stairs. Her mind was running and there was excitement in her veins for once. She had hope and that was really, really wild.
-Ok. I'm sorry for being a mess right now.
-It's all good. I understand, this is what we've all been waiting for since we were teenagers. Hell, I'm excited, I can't imagine how you're feeling right now.
-Come on, Care. I have already too much hope. He said he wanted to invite me to prom, nothing else. I think he may have had a crush on me, but I don't know.
-And if he did he may as well do now.
-Shut up. Don't make me be more nervous. I'm making too many assumptions already, you're just making it all worse.
-Ok, go make yourself sexy. I'll be there in ten.
Bonnie walked up the stairs to the guest room, where Caroline had left all of her stuff. She said she better stayed the night so she'd be ready for her the next morning, because they had a lot to do for the rehearse dinner. She liked the idea, there was no way Damon could escape from her if they were in the same house, right?
She started to put on make-up in the vanity that the room had, trying not to get caught up in her thoughts again, but it was really hard. She couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. She tried to remember how he had behaved around her during that time.
He was about to go to college, it was right before the last summer they could spend together in their town, they had better plans for the next few years. Even though they never came to be.
-Hey Bon Bon- he said from her back. She was putting her stuff in her locker.
She had a sundress on, because it was already hot and her school wasn't as strict as others when it came to women's clothing.
-Hey Damon- she responded without turning around, she was putting her stuff in order.
-So… has anyone invited to prom yet?
-No. I don't know many people from your class, though. So I probably won't get any invite. Why?
-I… I don't know. You haven't told me if you have a crush on one of them.
She turned around now, he was looking at the guys walking by, seemingly uninterested in the subject, but she could see he was also very stiff. Did he hear something? Did someone said something about her feelings for him?
-I don't- she was telling the truth, she didn't have a crush in any of the other guys- plus, it would be counterproductive. Most of them are going outside to college and the ones that are staying are not really my type.
-And what's your type?- he looked at her without hiding his interest now and she got a little bit nervous. Defensive even.
-I don't know. I know when I see it. It's not like I have a list of my favorite features in a man.
Of course not, because the only thing in that list would be: Damon.
-I see. Wanna go for ice-cream?
-You know I do- she answered with a smile and he offered his arm. He had been liking to act like a gentleman from the forties recently and she really liked it.
-I need to ask you for a favor- he said after a few minutes.
-Is that why you're taking me for ice-cream?
-Of course, did you think it's because I like your company? Psht.
She smiled and rolled her eyes, Damon would never stop being Damon. And that's why she liked him so much. God, she should stop pinning for him, he was just his best friend.
-Ok. Tell me.
-Will you?
-You have to tell me first. I don't know what you want me to do.
-Oh, it's not a big deal. I...- she looked at him, he sounded embarrassed, and he was. His cheeks were very red and he was scratching the back of his head with his other hand.
-You know you can tell me anything- she said squeezing the arm he had interlock with hers, knowing this could mean he liked a girl and that her heart would be crushed again.
-I need… I need for you to help me with something.
-You already said that.
-I know! I just… I… I don't know how to dance- he whispered.
-You want me to teach you? I don't know either.
-I was just thinking you could… you know… dance with me a few times until I get the hand of it.
-Okay.
He smiled so bright after she answered that she almost confessed she liked him. She loved that smile, more than anything else in this world. But she couldn't tell him, because he already liked someone and she was sure she wasn't her.
But now she wasn't so sure. Why was he so interested in knowing if she liked someone from his class? And why was he so happy about her dancing with him? Was he about to ask her to go to prom with him when they were dancing? Was that why he kept making those ridiculous faces?
A knock in the door took her out of her thoughts. She went to open it and her best friend was on the other side.
-Bonnie, you only have foundation on half of your face.
-I need to talk to him, Care. This is driving me crazy.
-I know. But everyone is arriving in thirty minutes, so we're getting ready together.
That's when Bonnie realized that Caroline had a bad on one hand and her dress on the other.
-Ok, help me not to get distracted.
-Fine. I'll talk to you about what we have to do tomorrow so you'll get depressed about it instead of thinking about Damon.
She smiled, it was actually a good a strategy. They started getting ready, while Caroline spoke as much as she could, and it was actually a ton of work they had ahead of them, so the next day she wasn't going to be able to talk to Damon, she needed to know everything tonight.
-Why did you bring that black top with your dress? It's a bold choice, but I don't know if it'll work- interrupted Bonnie once the activities for the next day had distracted her so much she could actually function again.
-Oh, I know you brought jeans and a blouse but I think this top in better than the one you brought.
-But Care, it's too see-through
-Do you want to be sexy or not?
-I just think it needs a jacket on top, I'll probably get it off me when I get drunk, but at first… I'd rather a jacket.
-Ok, you can borrow one of my leather jackets.
-Great.
-Wow, you girls are going all out today- said Stefan from the living room, he was sitting with Damon and drinking bourbon. Damon was all sprawled on the sofa, anyone would've thought he was relaxed. But she knew him, he was on edge. His eyes were all over her and he was equal parts delighted and scared.
-Thank you fiancé
-You have just two more days to keep calling me that- said Stefan before standing up to meet her in the middle.
-Kids, we don't need you to start making out right now- said Damon a little too cranky before taking a sip of his glass.
-But we're going to, nevertheless- answered Caroline.
Bonnie walked to the sofa and sat by Damon's side. He didn't move.
-We're going to get the food out- said Caroline dragging Stefan to the kitchen.
-Do you need help?
-No, Bonnie. It's all good. You guys relax here.
They left them alone and the silence was so deafening that she had to pour herself a glass of bourbon to feel more comfortable.
-It's everything ok?- she asked after a while.
-Of course, why wouldn't it?
She was about to answer when they heard a knock on the door and he stood up instantly to open it. She sighed, she should've acted sooner, now he'd have the excuse of having everyone around them and she'd have to wait to have him alone.
-Hi girl! You're looking bomb!- said Lexi coming in all dolled up in a very tight dress.
-Look who's talking! That dress is really sexy.
-Of course, everything I put on my body is.
-Including me- said Klaus from behind them, walking with Damon.
They both looked hot, but Damon just had something about him that was different. He usually had a blind confidence that could make anyone fall to their feet, much like Klaus, but today he was holding back a bit. He seemed stressed and he wasn't shooting magnetic waves around him, he seemed unsure about himself and that made her feel much more attracted to him. How could he do that?
He kept avoiding her gaze and she just drank the whole glass instantly. This was going to be a long night.
-Hi guys!- said Caroline from behind and another knock on the door followed her voice- that must be Rebekah.
-Yeah, she refused to come with us.
-I'll get it- said Damon turning around swiftly.
-It's everything okay with him?- asked Lexi
-Mmmm… that's hard to answer. Let's just give him space.
-Ok, Care. That wasn't cryptic at all.
Bonnie smiled to thank her friend, she didn't want anyone meddling in their business, it was nerve wrecking as it was, but with them all knowing and talking about it? That would just destroy her nervous system.
-Just pour yourselves some bourbon or champagne. We have Jo working on some Mojitos in case you want something like that- offered Stefan.
-I know I do.
-Oh Bonnie then let's go get some- said Lexi taking her arm and walking with her to the kitchen- What's going on?- she asked when they were far enough.
-Nothing, he just needs some space
-Why?
-I can't tell you. I should've known you only wanted my company to get secrets out of me.
-Oh, don't be unfair. I just wanted to know if you needed some of my expert words for your service.
-Your expert words are just being blunt and calling out people. That doesn't help.
-It does!
-You girls ok?- asked Jo from the counter.
-Yeah, sorry. We wanted to know if you needed some help.
-No, I'm almost done.
-Ok, let us take some of them then so you don't have to carry them all.
-Thank you, Bonnie. You're always so thoughtful.
Bonnie smiled and took some glasses in a tray, Lexi did the same and they walked together to the living room. By the time they were back everyone was in the room. Everyone but Damon.
-Where's Damon?
-That's exactly what I was wondering Lexi.
-He went to buy something he and Stefan forgot about- said Caroline approaching them.
-Fuck- muttered Bonnie. He was really making her wait.
-Why don't you just drink a mojito, eat some chips and forget about him for a while?
-I wished it was so easy, Care.
-Okay, I don't know what's going on, but if this is making you feel bad, we're cheering you up. We're drinking, dancing, playing some shit and making you forget about that asshole.
-Thank you Lexi.
They were right, she couldn't just wait around for him to make up his mind about talking to her, she needed to have fun, as hard as that sounded.
-IT'S KARAOKE TIME!- screamed a very drunk Lexi and everyone in the room cheered, except for Damon, who was just smiling and sitting away from everyone else.
-Ok, we first- said Caroline dragging Stefan to the center of the living room, they had YouTube on the TV and they put a karaoke video in it. The song: Perfect, by Ed Sheeran.
-You guys really are too in love- said Lexi before making a disgust face.
-And you're horny all the time and no one says anything so leave us alone!- screamed Caroline before starting to sing, she was very drunk, being on a diet wasn't very good for sobriety endurance.
-Uh, snap!- screamed Rebecca before laughing like a maniac.
Two hours had gone by since they started drinking, Damon had been absent one of those and he was notoriously less drunk than the rest. Even though Bonnie had had a great time while not worrying about him, she was starting to feel bad for him.
She walked up to him and she could feel him stiffen, God, he was scared.
-Are you okay, Damon?- she asked sitting by his side.
-Never better.
-Then why are you all the way here instead of partying with everyone else?
-Because someone has to be responsible. You guys are all too drunk.
-I'm not.
-You're pretty close to yelling right now.
-Okay- she whispered- I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to.
He looked at her for the first time in the whole party, he seemed cautious.
-Are you sure?
-Yes, I don't want you to be torturing yourself here instead of enjoying this party and the buzz and all. We haven't hung up in years, all of us. I want you to be happy and enjoy it and not be here miserable.
-I'm not miserable.
-You look like it.
His eyes were so soft now, he seemed much more relaxed and he even had a little almost imperceptible smile on his mouth.
-I just… I don't wanna lose you, Bonnie. I don't want you to think that I was your friend just because I wanted to make a move on you.
-I would never think that!
-Shhh. You don't need to yell, I'm right here- he had that wry smile on, but his eyes were so sweet.
-I know there's a lot we need to unpack. But right now I think Lexi is right and we should just enjoy ourselves. You owe me a song, you know.
-What?
-Yes, you said we'd sing Shake it off the next time we went to the karaoke.
-But this isn't the karaoke I meant.
-Potato, potatoe- she said moving her hand like it was all the same- you owe me.
-Ok, I need to get drunker for that, though.
-And what's the big deal? We have a lot of alcohol.
He smiled and she put her hand put to help him stand up from the chair. He took her hand and then put it round his arm, like he used to do when they were teenagers, making her smile brightly.
-God, you're beautiful, Bonnie.
Her smile grew bigger and she had to bite her lip not to scream of excitement. She should look away and act modest, a thank you maybe, but she couldn't take her eyes off him. She was very drunk and also scared that if she spoke she was going to say something along the lines of "I think you're the most beautiful one in the world", so to not kill the moment she went for a safer option.
She kissed him in the cheek, surprising the hell out of him. She would've liked to actually see his reaction, but his head moved instantly to the cheering sounds behind her, everyone was watching them and cheering, including Mary Louise.
After all the drinking, singing and screaming, Jo and Ric went to bed as soon as the first guest left, which was deserving, they weren't used to partying that hard. Stefan took Caroline up stairs on his arms, because she was too tired and drunk to do it herself.
Bonnie went upstairs to put on sneakers, because she was sure that Caroline was too drunk to put stuff in order and she didn't want Stefan to do it all by himself.
But when she arrived to the living room she could only see Damon moving stuff around.
-Do you need some help moving that?
-No, it's okay. Just rest like everyone else, I got this.
-Damon, I know you do, but I wanna help.
-Suit yourself.
He wasn't looking at her, the whole funny and relaxed act Damon had put through the rest of the party was gone and now the real Damon, embodiment of indifference (hiding the fears and anxiety, of course) was in full force once again.
They moved the sofa to the place it belong to. They also moved the other furniture they had temporally relocated to have a dance party. There were also a lot of bottles, glasses and empty trays and plates around the living room. They put everything in order in silence, a comfortable one.
She was still a little bit drunk, but not as much as before. She could walk straight if she focused and she her sight wasn't as blurry as it once was. She was starting to get very, very tired thought. All the activities she had the last couple of days were taking a toll on her and her eyes were starting to feel heavy by the time they were done.
-It's there anything else you need help with?
-No, it's all good, I just need to finish sweeping. I don't think we can walk to your house, though. I'm wrecked. Should I call you an uber?
-No, I'm staying in the guest room.
-Oh. That sounds better.
There was an awkward silence, they had put off the conversation long enough to know that they needed to have it now.
-I can wait for you in the room, if you still wanna talk I mean, I'll put on my pajamas while you finish this up.
-Sounds good.
She reckoned he needed his space and to feel in charge of the situation, she knew she had to tell him about her crush, but he didn't know that she had one, so he probably felt like he was giving too much away without anything in return.
She went to her room and took off all of her make-up and put on a hydrating cream before putting on her pajamas. She brushed her teeth and when she was finally thinking about going out herself to find him, she felt a soft knock on her door.
She opened it and he was outside with his own pajamas on, fidgeting in his place.
-Come in- she invited moving over so he could walk.
-I thought you might be slept by now.
-I was just thinking about going to find you so I could sleep soon.
-You really want to have this conversation, don't you?
-I don't think I'll be able to sleep if we don't.
He sighted and sat on the bed, she followed his lead and sat not too close, to not make him uncomfortable.
-Ok, I'm ready. What do you want to know?
-Did… did you just wanted to go as friends? Or did you… you know…- it was so hard for her to ask him if he had feelings for her, it seemed so pretentious.
-Did I wanted something else? I thought I answered that in the party.
-When?
-When I said I didn't want you to think I was just trying to make my move on you the whole time?
-Oh… that's… true- another awkward silence- So you did want more? I… I can't believe that you'd want something with me
-Why not?
-Because you were always going on dates, bragging about having those girls in the back of your hand- she moved her hands a lot, the alcohol still in her veins letting her be more herself and less restraint.
-I was trying to make you feel jealous. I didn't even kiss them… I was just thinking about you the whole time- she could feel him stiffening and she looked at his very red face, that made her stomach fill with butterflies- When they said I did I didn't deny it because I loved seeing how that bothered you- he finished whispering.
She knew she needed to tell him, she breathed deep and closed her eyes to make herself feel brave.
-Damon…
-Wait. Before you say anything, I want you to know that my friendship was always real. Yes, I had feelings for you for the longest time and maybe I idolized you, but that's on the past now. I'm loyal to you as a friend and I want you to know that.
Two things stroked her heart. One made it feel like it grew on size "for the longest time", but the other one broke it. That was on the past, those feelings weren't there anymore, of course they weren't, she was stupid to think otherwise.
Their new friendship seemed so fragile now, it had been changed so many times that she wasn't sure she'd be ever ready or felt confident enough to tell him her real feelings. She sighed, she was still telling her about her crush, but she sure as hell wasn't telling him how she felt now. She couldn't bear for him to reject her.
-I also had a crush on you- she whispered, still with sadness in her voice.
-WHAT?!- he screamed, kind of shocked but also kind of angry.
-SHH! There's people sleeping.
-I'm sorry but… How? When? You never showed you had feelings like that.
-Because I thought you didn't have feelings for me.
-I was so obvious Bonnie, how could you not tell?
-No, you weren't. The only clue I had was when you kissed me before leaving for New York, but after that you started ghosting me and talking about other girls and stuff.
-I was an idiot. The reason I didn't speak to you at first was because I was mad you didn't care about the kiss, you weren't talking about it and you didn't make a big deal out of it, so I thought it was your way of rejecting me.
-I thought you'd say something about it, but you kept talking about other stuff, never addressing it so I thought that maybe I just imagined it at some point.
-I didn't know how to proceed. It was impulsive and I didn't even know if you liked it or hated it.
-Why didn't you ask me?
-Because I was scared. And then Christmas came by and we saw each other and you seemed fine without me. I tried to make you jealous and when that didn't work I just decided I'd take that year to fuck around and meet other girls before you came to NYU so I could get over you. I thought I had it all figured out, but I never thought about your feelings. I didn't consider that you would be so mad at me for ignoring you that you'd go to another school.
-I just don't understand why you didn't stay in contact with me. I was already listening at you talk about your dates, I wouldn't have minded knowing you were a fuckboy, that would actually helped me get over you easily.
-I couldn't sleep around while talking to you Bonnie. If I started talking to you I would've stayed on my dorm, face timing you the whole day and telling you how lonely I felt and the whole plan would've gone to the trash. I wanted to prove that I could survive without you and I just messed everything up.
She put her hand on top on his, he seemed very sad about the way things had turned out. His attitude did make everything hard, but she also contributed by not acknowledging anything.
-It's our fault, Damon, not just yours. I should've been more open too. I should've stopped you before you left that day and confront you about the kiss. Or maybe do that in Christmas. I was just too scared.
-I was scared too. I didn't want to lose you, and that's exactly what happened.
-But we're here now. Years later and we can finally move on and have a real friendship, right?- she asked looking at his eyes, this was her last attempt at getting a confession out of him. She couldn't tell him that she had feelings for him now, because he wanted for them to be friends. Unless that's not what he wanted either.
-Yeah- he smiled for real and she almost said "screw it, I'll tell him", but he kept talking- I'm so glad it's all out there now. I can finally tell you I'm the reason Tyler never asked you out.
-What?
-Yeah. I flipped out when Tyler started saying that he was thinking about asking you out, I think I was 16 already though, because I thought 'I can't hit a 15 year old because he wants to date my best friend'. So I lied to him and told him that you liked older men and that's why you liked Klaus. He was so sad and I was just thrilled. I invited you to the movies that day just to pretend that we were going on a date.
-Really?- he was smiling smugly, like that was a big battle he had won and she just laughed at how adorable that whole story was.
-Yes. I never tried asking you out for real, though, because I was terrified I'd loose you. That's when I started talking about New York and telling you to come with. When you said yes I almost kissed you.
-I would've kissed you back- she offered. He looked at her so intensely, but looked down soon.
-That would've changed our whole history- he whispered lost in his thoughts.
-Yeah. I would've gone to New York with you and I would've hated myself for not being by my Grams side when she died.
-I don't think we could've lasted. We were too young and stupid. I don't think you would've liked seeing me in my destructive moment.
-I don't think I would've let you.
-It had to happen. It made me grow up.
-And we're finally friends again, so maybe it's all for the better.
He nodded looking at the ground and they stayed in silence for a bit. Bonnie finally felt like the weight in her shoulders had lifted, she had said what she said she would and they finally had come clean. She knew now that he liked her back but there was nothing there now, so she maybe would be able to move on more easily.
Her eyes started to feel heavier and his warmth made her feel safe.
-Ok, you look like you need to sleep now. I'll just leave.
-No, wait- she put her hand on his arm and she knew what she was about to ask was too much, but she could totally tell him the next day that it was because she was drunk- can you stay here, telling me more about what I didn't know until I fall sleep?
-You'll fall sleep in a second.
-Then you'll just have to stay here for a second.
He looked so handsome, tired, but still managed to have something about him. His little sweet smile made her feel all sorts of things and she just wished she had known he liked her before so they could avoid all the years of misunderstandings and just be together.
-Fine, get in bed. I'll just be sitting here like a creep.
-You could always lay on top on the covers, you know.
He nodded and did exactly that. She nuzzled close to him and he smiled very close to her.
-Did you really never see that I had feelings for you?
-Never. I thought I was stupid for pinning after you when you just wanted to date girls and then never call them again.
-Because I didn't care about them. All I cared about was you.
-You had a weird way of showing it.- she managed to respond, even though those words made her heart flutter- Dating other girls sure made me feel special- she ended up teasing him to make things more comfortable.
-Okay, you're right. That was stupid. But all the other times I was around you, with you, going out with you, driving you to hang out with Caroline, taking you to different places… I was really devoted to you.
-Well and I was just with you all the time, never dating.
-Except for the time you went to the prom with another guy.
-I did that because you told me you were taking another girl to prom! I was just hurt and decided to accept the promposal from that guy.
-You don't remember his name?
-No, I was just looking for you the whole time we were there.
That brought a huge smile to Damon's face, making her realize how intimate the position they were in really was. He was so close and they were talking about how they both liked each other and vener realized, of course it was too intimate.
-You liked me so much, I can't believe I didn't realize.
-Yeah, me neither. We were kind of obsessed with each other.
-Yeah.
She fought the urge of saying "I still am" and her eyes started closing again. But a recent conversation came to her mind.
-So, when you told me about Elena and all that, you said something about being mad at others girls you liked before and also me. Was I both?
-Yep. I tried to make it less obvious, but I actually only had feelings for you before Elena, so… yeah. I only hated you. Sorry.
-You were the only guy I had feelings for before Enzo, too.- she said smiling and with her eyes closed.
-Such great company.
-Why do you still hate him so much?
-Because he was an asshole. – he claimed sounding very upset still and that made her smile- you're so falling sleep right now, I'll be out here in a second.
-Will you stroke my hair for just a few seconds?
-You're really needy, you know.
-I'm just love deprived. I feel like I've been single for longer than just a few months- she said dragging her words while he started to stroke her hair.
-You've been. Your ex sucks.
-Stop it
He kept on stroking while she started to drive away and he murmured something that the next day she'd wonder if it was a dream or something he actually said.
-What would you do if I told you I still have those feelings?
All rigth, this one ended up in such a big way, hope you guys enjoyed it :) This week was much more relaxedthan the last one, so I had the time to write all of this. I hope you guys liked it, the truth is finally coming out, not all of it because we have two very stubborn people, but they are having to come to terms wth the fact that they've been idiots and that maybe they need to open up a little bit more.
I hope this reached your expectations and now that things are finally moving forward you like the way this gets delivered. Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading your reviews and what you think about it :)
Happy reading!