XVI. Happiness
-What?!- she screamed pushing him out, praying that he hadn't seen Damon.
-Yes. I know, I've seen the looks, the way he whispers to your ear. You know I'm right, that's why you won't let me in.
-I'm not letting you in because this is a woman's restroom and because I don't owe you any explanation.
-What do you mean by that? We were together for years and you were always in love with him. He treated you like trash and now he says a few sweet things in your ear and you're back in the palm of his hand? Come on Bonnie! I thought you were smarter than that.
-Enzo, you are the one who convinced me he felt the same way I did and now you're here throwing a tantrum over you believing that we're together. How old are you? Twelve?
-Bonnie he doesn't deserve you. I've been thinking about it, he's still a jerk.
-If he was and I were with him that would be a hundred percent my problem. I don't owe you explanations about my life and you shouldn't be here "trying to warn me". Or what were you expecting to do? Caught us together and separate us? Start fighting with him?
-I don't know! I just knew I had to come here and see it with my own eyes.
-Enzo…-she starts to calm down, pinching the bridge of her nose- I really wanted for us to end this on good terms but you're making it impossible. This is my life, I make my own decisions and you shouldn't be meddling, let alone making a scandal on a wedding. Get a grip.
She pushed him, walking towards the party. She knew there was a chance that he still got into the bathroom and saw Damon inside, but she didn't care. If he wanted to follow her and try to amend things, good, but if he didn't she didn't care at this point. She was mad.
-Bonnie- he called grabbing her arm to stop her.
-Let me go- she said very quietly and menacing. She didn't want to make a scene but she was starting to lose it.
-I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I just... Lost it. This is hard for me, Bonnie.
-Enzo, shut the fuck up. –she whispers turning around- You're the one making it harder for everyone. We broke up months ago and because you wanted it. You're the one who left for Chicago and left me alone and then only came home to keep me away from Damon. I thought we could finally move on after the other day, but you just can't let it go. You can't let me go.
-You're right. You're my first love, Bonnie.
-But you don't even love me anymore, Enzo. We stopped loving each other years ago, we just kept lying because we were comfortable.
He looked at the ground, avoiding her eyes. He knew she was right and he knew all of this was because of his pride and his hatred of Damon and she was tired of taking shit from him.
-Everything okay?- asked someone from behind her and she was relieved it wasn't Damon. This wasn't the moment for another round for those two.
-Yes, Stefan, thank you.
-I'm sorry Stefan, I'll have to head out early, but it was a lovely wedding.
-Thank you Enzo. I hope you make it back safely to Chicago.
She didn't know how much Stefan heard, but it sounded like he was glad he was leaving. Almost like an indirect threat: "go back to Chicago or else". Enzo turned around and walked out, not looking back, which made her feel like a weight had lifted from her shoulder.
-Thanks, but I was handling pretty well.
-You were, I just wanted to let him know that you're not alone and if he was going to keep bothering you I didn't care about starting a fight on my own wedding.
-You're a psycho- she responded smiling, before hugging him- these have been a crazy couple of days.
-Yeah, but I want you to know that there's nothing you can't tell me or Care. We're here for you and we'll kick the hell out of anyone if they're being assholes.
-Well, you could've thought about that before inviting him.
-It was Care's idea and you know I can't say no to her.
-Why would she do that?
-Look at her- he whispered looking past her with a very adoring smile. She was looking at them with a scheming smile and a glass of champagne on hand. She toasted to her and looked all proud of her best friend.
-What?
-She knew you would have to go through that kind of conversation and she knew you'd handle it. She said she wanted to give you an opportunity for actual closure.
-I thought I had it the other day, we talked and he let me know he always knew about my feelings for Damon and… he seemed understanding and caring, but today he lost it and acted like a jealous boyfriend, I don't get it.
- He was jealous. That's the only reason why he didn't broke up with you when he left for Chicago. He didn't want to drive you to Damon's arms. And given the way you and Damon have been behaving… he realized he just did that.
-What do you mean? We've been just working on the wedding.
-And flirting heavily- she could feel her face on fire and he laughed before pulling her into another hug- don't worry, we were counting on having you joining the family soon.
That didn't make her face feel any colder, actually it had the opposite effect. So she held him tight as well, to keep him from seeing her face, and to thank him for being there for her.
-You've had a lot to worry about these last few weeks, I don't know how you still have a mind to realize that we've been flirty.
-It's glaringly obvious, Bon. Plus, Damon has been staying at home. We've seen how happier he's been since you two are besties again. We've heard him singing in the shower and being grumpy when you guys are mad. It's seeing a soap opera on real life.
-We're not as dramatic, though- she said pulling back to smile at the groom.
-Oh, that's what you say now. But just wait a couple of months and you'll realize how much drama there is when you two are together.
-Don't put ideas into Bonnie's mind. You'll drive her away from me.
-I don't think I can, Damon. That's something only you can do.
She smiled, almost eager to tell her friend about her and Damon, but she knew she needed to tell this to both him and Caroline and she was happy dancing with her champagne glass, so this day had to be about her getting married. She'd tell her later after the honey moon.
-I think we all know that it was Enzo's job at some point.
-But that's on the past. I talked to him.
-I saw, he seemed really scared at one point, good job witchy- he said pulling her in for a hug from the side.
-Thank you- she answered smiling sheepishly. She didn't know how to act with him around her friends, their relationship was just starting and they didn't even know about it.
-Well, as adorable as you kids look right now I have to go to my equally adorable wife. And get ready for the dancing. It's due in half an hour.
-I'm older than you, you don't get to call me kid.
-I just got married, kid. I get to do whatever the fuck I want- he said before turning around and flipping him off.
-Wow. He gets a little bit of power and abuses it like that. Imagine if he would've been a superhero, or worst: Politician.
-Or a Wall Street's guy.
-Or a mafia boss.
-Or anybody's boss really. I fear for the future interns or trainees looking for advice from that motherfucker.
-Hey, I've never heard you said that. It's kinda hot.
-Everything it's kinda hot for you, Damon- she responded rolling her eyes and suppressing a smile.
-No. Everything you do it's kinda hot. Like right now, acting like you don't wanna smile, rising your right eyebrow to me, so sexy.
-Shut up- she whispering starting to feel heat in two different parts of her body.
-You don't need to blush. I haven't even told you yet about what I'm planning on doing tonight.
-Damon, stop it. Enzo noticed us being flirty and so did Stefan. You're blowing our cover.
-I didn't realize we had a cover in the first place.
-What do you mean? We talked about this.
-You talked about not wanting to make this day about us, but the happy couple is perfectly blissful over there without even paying attention to us and you're still over here asking me to pretend we're not together.
-That's just because Stefan already kind of knows.
-And? He doesn't care, Bonnie. Nobody cares as much as you think they do.
-Okay, calm down. Can we go outside to talk?
-No. It's all good. See you before the dance- he said before turning around and walking away from her. She inhaled deeply and took a drink from a tray walking close to her. Stefan and Caroline started their speech, obliviously happy.
Damon was right, she was exaggerating, and she knew that as well. But she had no other choice, everyone had such big expectations for them, because their whole lives had lead up to this. They had created a huge anticipation from everyone in their lives without even realizing it and she feared they wouldn't be able to navigate that.
She was afraid that they'd go too fast or too slow and end up crashing.
-Hey girl, why so lonely?- asked Lexi offering her another drink, she finished hers before taking it- damn, maybe slow down. We still need to dance, you know.
-I know. That's what has me all riled up- she lied looking at her glass like it was the reason of all of her ills.
-You sure it's not a certain best man?
-You saw?
-Girl, everyone saw. You too send sparks every time you're together. We're kind of used to watching the show.
-That's what actually has me riled up. I feel like we're some kind of tv show to you, like anything we do it's documented when we're around you. Why can't we just be two people together?
-Because you're not. You guys are our friends, who have been in love since you were teenagers and have been too blind to see the other felt the same way. And there's too much chemistry, so of course sometimes you clash and it's entertaining as hell.
-Not for us!
-Then stop running in circles and fucking do something.
-But then you'd be all up in our relationship. What if we only last a month? Then what?
-Then that's fine. You tried and it didn't work out. That's life, man.
-How can you be so chill?
-Because I don't let other's people expectations dictate my life. It's time for you to do the same, girl.
-Yeah… maybe…
-Hell yeah. Plus, I don't think you'll just last a month- Bonnie looked at her with a rebuttal, but Lexi rolled her eyes and covered her mouth- ask to see what's on his wallet.
-What is it?- she asked when the blonde pulled her hand out of her mouth.
-Something I came across looking for a rolling paper once a couple of years ago. If it was still there after five years of not speaking and it's still there today… girl, he's in it for the long game.
-I don't understand.
-Then fucking go to him, ask him and then come to dance with us, no makeup sex yet.
She pushed her towards Damon, who was sitting at the bar, with that same blonde from the rehearsal dinner by his side. He seemed to not be paying attention to her babbling, but she was still talking and trying to flirt with him. That kind of got her mad.
She walked close enough she could hear what she was talking about and stayed there trying to look as if she was busy fixing something, while also trying to decide if she should interrupt or not.
-So, there I was, skinny dipping with my best friend when the cops showed up yelling we get out of the water with our hands up.
Oh God. Really? That was her approach? Well, she probably only wanted sex with him and making him think about her naked could work.
-Did it work?- asked Damon, still not looking at her.
-What do you mean?
-Did it work to make you come out of the water naked?
-Well... yeah they're the police.
-Psht. Should've flipped him off. He was abusing his power.
-But he would've arrested me.
-I guess.
A silence between them and the girl seemed kind of awkwardly trying to make herself more desirable by his side, but he still wasn't looking at her.
-Maybe you could abuse your power with me tonight.
-Wow- said Bonnie before she could stop herself, making Damon turn around- aren't you straight forward.
-You have to go for what you want.- responded the blonde, defensive.
-That's wisdom right there- he said before chugging his bourbon, looking straight into Bonnie's eyes.
-Yes. So, are you in?- she asked trying to ignore Bonnie.
-Am I in? Actually I don't know. What do you think Bon, should I be in?- he was testing her. Of course she knew that, because if she said he shouldn't fuck the blonde because of her the girl would tell everyone and if she said he should, she was sending him off to have sex with her. Not good for their relationship.
-Shouldn't you decide that?
-I don't know anymore. I'm giving you the power.
-Okay. Fine. No, he's not available- she said talking to her- but I wanted to know if you were available to talk right now- she continued looking at him in the eyes.
He stayed silent for a while. Studying her face and making her nervous, but she wasn't going to budge. She stayed put and with the same determination in her face or so she thought.
-Fine. I'm sorry, it wouldn't have worked out either way- he said looking at the blonde who was pouting.
-But why do you care about her so much?
-Sometimes I wonder the same.
She knew he was trying to be hurtful because he was hurt, but that didn't make her pain go away. He could be so thoughtful and sweet sometimes that she forgot how quick he could turn into an asshole.
They finally got outside and away from everyone and he turned to look at her without saying a word.
-You know you don't have to hurt me to feel better yourself right?
-I know. I just forget.
-Are you too drunk to talk right now? Because we have to dance, I don't know if you remember.
-Of course I do, that's why I drank so much, because I'll have to dance close to you and feel you and then let you go. Because this can't be all our relationship is. We can't keep fighting and making up until death do us apart. It's not healthy.
-So your healthy way of letting me know that is by hurting me?
-That's the only way I know to push you away.
-You could say you don't feel the same way about me and it would be over. I would forget you if I knew this wasn't meant to be. If I knew that we are just hurting each other.
-We are.
-That's because we're still starting are we're still not a hundred percent honest with each other. I'm still learning to be honest about my feelings about you. It's been years of hating you and talking shit about you to mask my true feelings, it's hard to bounce back to show the world how I truly feel.
-Well we're not on the same boat then because I'm dying to let them all know that we're finally together. Because I'm so fucking happy that you feel the same way about me that I want everyone to know, but you hiding it makes me feel like you're embarrassed about me. Like this is just a fling you don't them to know about.
-You're not just a fling Damon. That's what scares me. We've been dancing around each other for so long that everyone has huge expectations about this. That's what scares me. We've never been more than best friends and we've been through some awful shit these years we've been apart. How do I know that we'll last?
-So you want to hide it until you're sure we can last? How long will that be? How will you know?
-I don't know Damon, I'm just as confused as you are. And I know it's stupid, too. I'm just scared.
-Of what? Me hurting you? Leaving you?
-Would that be much of a stretch? We had one fight and you already thought about going to sleep with another woman and talked about not knowing why you care about me. You hurt me on purpose.
-That was… it wasn't like I was going to sleep with her.
-But you acted like that. Why do you do that?
-Because I sabotage myself, Bonnie. Because you're not the only one that ended up screwed up from the trauma in your life. Because I… I have such feelings for you that it scares me how much power I'm giving you to wreck me. I'm an asshole, too. I'm impulsive. I don't think before I speak and I end up hurting you trying to prove to myself that I'm shit and I deserve to be alone.
-You don't deserve that.
-But I do. My dad told me that I was a fuck up before he left to die, Bonnie. And all my life I tried to show him, either if he's looking fro heaven or hell that I wasn't. That I could pull my life together without him and that I was enough. That I was deserving of love. But I knew inside that I wasn't. That's why I destroyed the only good thing in my life: you and I. I left town, where my brother and you were and I kept fucking up relationships until there were none left.
He was shaking, he had started murmuring but now he was almost full-blown shouting. His eyes were full of tears too stubborn to fall from his eyes, but his breaths were deeper every time he drew air in. Bonnie didn't know what to do, other than hug him. He crumbled on top of her and wrapped her from every angle, holding her tight, as if she was going to disappear.
-You're not a fuck up, Damon. You're an amazing man, who pulled himself through college, made his own business and has the love of his brother and friends. And mine. You're loved, Damon.
He kept crying, or at least that's what she thought, because he was still breathing deep, but nothing was coming from his mouth for a long time.
-I'm sorry, Bonnie. You're the most amazing woman on Earth, that's why I care about what you think. That's why I care about you… I… I don't deserve you. You're right to be embarrassed of me.
-Damon I'm not embarrassed, at all. Hell, you're the hottest and most amazing guy on our generation I should be the one parading and yelling than we're together. And there's not deserving someone, that's not how relationships work. We have to work together to be better, because we both have flaws, I'm not as amazing as you say. I fuck up pretty frequently actually.
-But you're always there for everyone, even me right now when I knowingly hurt you.
-Yes, but I'm forgiving you because you regret it and because I'm sure that it won't happen again, because if it does I'm not staying here to keep being hurt. You have to realize that.
-I do. I promise I will think before I do that again. I don't want to hurt you again, Bonnie. I was just trying to push you away because you're stronger than me. I could never tell you to leave.
-Is that what you used to do? Just avoid Elena, so she'd leave you and not the other way around?
-Yes. Old habits die hard.
-They have to die though, because that's fucking unhealthy.
-I know. I'm sorry.
They stayed holding each other for a few more minutes, slowly Damon's breath started to calm down and he started to relax thanks to her hand moving up and down his spine.
-I'm sorry you've carried that thing with you your whole life. That's a fucked up thing to say to a fourteen year old.
-He was an asshole. That's why I'm like this. I hate him and yet I follow into his footsteps.
-It happens to the best of us.
He pulled away and looked at her for a few second, then he moved closer to her but stopped to look her in the eyes, like asking for permission and Bonnie smiled before closing the gap between them. He had salty lips from his tears, but it still tasted sweet somehow. His hands moved up to cup her face, holding her with such care that she felt like a precious piece of art for a few minutes.
-I'll make it up to you Bonnie.
-Okay. How about we go to dance in front of everyone and after that I'll tell you what I want as reward- she offered while cleaning his tears.
-You're such a horny lady.- he responded with a small but honest smile- I like it thought.
-That's not what I meant- she said laughing, she loved that he could be joking again.
-I love your laugh. I'm gonna make you laugh more.
-I like that.
They kissed again, slowly and with all the feelings they still had inside, the ones they hadn't fully vocalized because their relationship seemed so fragile, they were both scared to taking steps that seemed too big.
But Bonnie was chipper, Damon hadn't been that vulnerable in front of her in years. He hadn't cried like that since they were teenagers and she knew that he needed to talk about it to let it go and she knew that from his voice he wasn't letting his past or his usual self-sabotaging tactics take over this relationship.
It somehow felt like he had let it all out, all the bad things that he had, he had displayed them to push her away and make her rethink about being with him and when she hadn't pulled back it felt like he had relaxed enormously.
She smiled, she had done the same many times with him and he stayed there, called her out and put up with it. They were really idiots, but two idiots with so much love for each other.
The music started with a slow song first. They moved accordingly, everyone on their positions surrounding the newlyweds, whom of course had the most complicated and over the top moves, to impress everyone, but when the music changed pace to a more tropical sounding one, they had to start moving faster, closer, hotter. She could feel Damon's body reacting to it, and hers as well.
They were moving quickly and in tune with the music which had the crowd losing it, cheering and applauding every time Stefan lifted Caroline and when they finally finished, every girl was on top of their partners in different ways: Bonnie got to put her legs on Damon's hips but from the side, Lexi was on top of Klaus' shoulders, Rebekah was being bridal-style carried and Caroline and Stefan had done the "dirty dancing" last movement.
Everyone cheered and some even screamed making them feel pretty good about themselves. Bonnie was sweating profusely and she was so tired but she felt like it was all worth it, because everyone seemed so happy. Caroline was jumping up and down, Stefan looked at her with so much love she felt like she was interrupting them just by standing near and everyone else had a brightness in their eyes. All in all, it was amazing.
Bonnie went to the bathroom, because she and the girls had decided to bring second dresses for after the dancing, she had brought a simple white silky dress and Damon went to change his shirt as well. When she got out of the bathroom, having freshened up and changed clothes, Damon was there, smiling at her.
-Don't you look amazing.
-Thank you, so do you.
-I look the same as before- he said rolling his eyes before trapping her inside his arms-, you were incredible.
-We were!
She buried her face on his chest and held him tight at the same time he hid his face on the crook of her neck. They stayed like that for a few minutes, listening to the sound of chatter and music away from them, it was fairly relaxing.
-It's been a hell of a day- he said starting to leave small kisses on her neck.
-I know. If I wasn't the maid of honor, I'd leave now.
-I know, me too- he sighed and nuzzled her with his nose- you smell amazing even when you're sweating. That's further proof you're a witch.
-How?- she asked laughing.
-Because human's are not like that.
-Then I could be anything other than human. An alien, a fairy, a ghost…
-A witch.
She chuckled and pulled away from him and kissed him slowly.
-I'm sorry for making you feel like I was embarrassed by you.
-I'm sorry for being a dick.
-Forgiven.
-Thank you.
They looked into each other's eyes, with heavy feelings in between them, words they couldn't yet speak, but understanding that they were there for both of them.
-I want to cash in my reward, though.
-What reward?
-You said you'd make it up to me.
-We can't do it here, they'll see us.
-That's not what I mean- she said rolling her eyes- I want for you to show me something.
-I'm pretty sure you've seen it all.
-Not your penis! I wanna see your wallet.
-You've seen my wallet.- he murmured, something shifting in his eyes.
-I wanna see what's inside it.
He was silent for a few minutes, making her believe he wasn't going to let her get her way but suddenly he sighed and looked at the door behind her, his eyes saying something she couldn't decipher.
-Who told you?
-Nobody has told me what it is- she said stroking his hair, trying to get him to relax.
-Then why do you want that?
-Well… Lexi told me to ask you that. She said something about you being in it for the long run.
-I'm gonna kill her. I knew I shouldn't trust her.
-Don't be mad at her. She just wanted to convince me to stop being a bitch to you.
-If I show you this, you won't run scared right?
-Why would I?
-Because… it's personal. And I thought it was creepy for some time.
-Stop with the mystery and just show me.
-Fine- he said somewhat on edge. He took his wallet off, slowly and suddenly he just put it on her hand- find out yourself.
He watched her from a safe distance. She opened it carefully, knowing this wallet meant a lot for him and only found cards and some money. She looked at him puzzled he and rolled his eyes and opened a zipper, revealing a few pictures.
There was one of Stefan and him, holding each other when they were kids. There was one of his mother when she was young, another one of their parents getting married and finally a polaroid. It was her, with the lake and the sunset behind her. He had taken this photo the summer before he left and he had kept it in his wallet all this time.
-Damon…- she could only whisper, feeling as the emotion started to overcome her.
-I just… It reminded me of better times- he said putting his hands on his pockets, trying to make himself smaller- I looked at it when things were bad.
-You had it there… all this time?
-Yes. I…- he took one of his hands off and scratched his head before pointing to the picture- if you turn it around…
She did and the word "Iridescence" was written, with his handwriting, making it impossible for her tears not to gather on her eyes.
-You've thought about me like this this whole time?
-Well… yeah… but not just you. It was that moment, the whole day and you and the place and…
-I love you- she blurted out. Because she did and she was tired of pretending like she didn't. She was tired of wasting time being scared when he was right there.
He was silent for a second and the next he was kissing her desperately. Holding her as close as humanly possible and as hungry as he'd never been. He wasn't just passionate, he was relieved and he was ecstatic and she could feel all that on his kiss.
-I love you too, Bonnie Bennet- he said when he finally broke apart, only to kiss her again with the same feelings.
They laughed when they finally pulled away, fishing for air, but he put his forehead against hers.
-Hey dorks! Caroline's about to throw the bouquet!- shouted Lexi from the door, smiling, she'd probably seen them kiss.
-Coming!- screamed Damon before kissing her again.
They went to the reception with renewed energies and danced the whole night together, Bonnie stopped restraining herself and started kissing him in front of everyone, making them cheer the first time, but afterwards it seemed like everyone settled in and somehow it felt like they were always like that in front of everyone.
And for the first time in years she could feel happiness. Unrestrained, explosive, overwhelming happiness.
Hey guys! Did you like the chapter? I hope you did because it was so much fun writing it! I wanted for them to finally be completely honest with each other. Finally! After years of pinning and fighting (each other and their feelings) finally everything's on the table.
This was going to be the end of it, as planned prior to my newest idea, but it'll probably be two or three more chapters now, hope you like what I have in store :)
I hope you guys let me comments about how you liked it and what were you expecting and what you weren't, hopefully it met your expectations.
Anyway! I have to go to sleep, see you next week!