Thank you so much for the kind reviews!

This chapter is a bit darker, and contains a scene that may involve some self-harm. I've deliberately left it vague so readers can make their own interpretations, but please be aware. I'm sure we can all understand that Ben Solo has quite a bit of unresolved trauma to work through.

Nine months post-Exegol.

-And when you called yourself by that new name, you saw your truth. It represents what you want to do on a deep level. The part of yourself you want to cut away. The part you want to kill. Perhaps someday you will do it, and the galaxy will hear that name and see you-

-Kylo Ren-

"No!" Rey cried into the darkness, choking on her breath as she bolted upright on the bed. She was alone again, which she hated, but Ben had had a particularly nasty nightmare earlier in the night and told her that he needed to get some air. She hadn't wanted him to leave since she could sense the torment and self-loathing emanating from him in waves, but he had been so anxious about possibly hurting her that she eventually gave in and let him go.

She knew he was at least fairly close by, as she could still sense him easily, but she couldn't pretend that she wasn't upset by all of it. Ben's nightmares had been growing steadily worse over the last several days, sometimes even causing the walls of the cabin to shake, and she hated that he felt like he needed to try to work through them alone, without her help.

Shivering, Rey pulled the blankets up to her neck, burying her nose in the thick fabric and inhaling deeply, allowing Ben's heady, masculine scent to permeate throughout her body. There wasn't anything specific she could pinpoint that could explain the sudden worsening of Ben's dreams, nothing that had changed in their daily routine that she could identify as a trigger point, and it frustrated her immensely. Ben was hurting, and his pain was her pain, and one of the most agonising things that she'd ever felt in her life. She had sensed the deep-seated conflict inside him from the very beginning, conflict stoked by the fires of whispered voices and feelings of abandonment. Needling him, taunting him, telling him over and over that he was a disappointment, that he would never be good enough.

That he would always fail.

Sensations that only intensified once Rey finally admitted that she loved him.

Guilt pierced her chest as she recalled Ben lying on the burning floor of Snoke's throne room. She'd left him there, unconscious and vulnerable, right after he had just killed the creature who had tormented him his entire life, only because he didn't immediately switch gears and try to aid the very Resistance that he knew wanted him dead.

Not even she was able to change flight paths that fast, and yet she had expected him to just do it because that's what she had wanted, without giving any thought towards the bigger picture.

Rey had abandoned him, just as he felt he had always been abandoned.

Just like she had been abandoned.

Never again.

The sight of Ben crouched on the floor of that ancient Resistance base on Crait when she literally closed the hatch of the Falcon in his face, the hatch to what was arguably his ship…

That look in his deep brown eyes of pure anguish… it still haunted her.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to."

But she couldn't seem to let it go. The guilt… it clung to her like grains of the Jakku sand, scratching her raw whenever she tried to brush it away.

She knew that Ben had forgiven her, just as she had forgiven him for interrogating her on Starkiller Base, but yet… she couldn't help but think how things might've been different if she hadn't. If she had taken the hand that he offered her, listened to him as he pleaded…

"Join me."

"Please?"

How many lives might have been saved if the war had ended an entire year earlier? On both sides?

She supposed it didn't do any good to dwell on it now. Not while Ben was hurting so badly.

Blinking back tears, Rey lay back down, pulling the blankets up to her nose as she curled into a tight ball, trying to keep from shivering. She'd put on Ben's tunic after he left to try and stay warm, and she burrowed down into it as far as she could, trying to surround herself with the last of its remaining warmth as she succumbed to the exhaustion still coursing through her.

-The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what all Masters live to see. Raw, untamed power! And beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline… a new Vader-

-Now… I fear… I was mistaken-

-I've given everything I have to you… to the Dark Side-

-You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo!-

-I killed Han Solo! When the moment came, I didn't hesitate!-

-And look at you! The deed split your spirit to the bone! You are unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! You failed!-

The scream forced its way from Rey's throat before she even realised what was happening, her entire body lanced with a current so white-hot that it contorted her limbs and stole all the breath from her lungs, leaving her momentarily paralysed. As soon as she was able to move again she threw off the blankets, forgoing her boots as she raced out the cabin door on trembling legs, heading in the direction of the river.

"Ben!" she shrieked, crying out as she stumbled, slamming her bare toes into the large root of a tree and nearly falling flat on her face. The pain and despair were so intense that she felt as though she were drowning, as though everything dark and shadowy had wrapped around her ankles like gnarled tentacles, holding her just far enough beneath the surface where no light could reach.

She had only felt something that devoid of light once before; on Exegol, when she first laid eyes on the wrinkled, twisted, and gaunt visage of Emperor Palpatine.

"Ben!" she screamed again, the frigid pre-dawn air stinging her lungs like tiny ice crystals as she swerved to avoid a low-hanging branch. "Ben, don't!"

-Use your fear. Let it crystallise into anger. Turn that anger into power-

"No! Stop! Leave him alone!" Rey cried, ducking just in time to avoid yet another tree branch. She could hear the words in her mind as clearly as if Snoke was standing right next to her, causing her panic to spike again. It shouldn't be possible for Ben to still be hearing Snoke's voice in his mind. Snoke was dead, and Palpatine with him. She had personally seen to it.

Which could only mean that it was Ben himself who was replaying them, like a holo designed for nothing more than to continue his torture.

Please, Ben, stop! she begged with her mind. Please, don't do this! Something sharp scratched across the side of her face as she rounded the final corner, stopping short so fast that she skidded on the damp, spongy forest floor.

Ben was hunched over on the very edge of the riverbank, soaking wet and shivering and clutching a rock the size of his head in his blood-covered hands. He looked up as she called out his name, a shocked gasp tearing from her frozen throat when she saw the jagged gash running the length of his right cheek, the very same cheek that she had slashed back on Starkiller Base.

"Oh my—what—?" she stammered, her heart in her throat as she stumbled over to him, ripping the rock from his hands and sending it flying into the river with a loud splash. She reached out to cup his cheeks but then drew back, hesitating as she locked eyes with him, the terror and panic she sensed from him hitting her like a blaster shot to the chest. Ben was as frightened as a wounded animal, so she needed to tread carefully.

Slowly, and without breaking their eye contact, Rey reached for Ben's blood-soaked right hand, wrapping her fingers around his wrist as she gently worked open his tight fist so she could inspect the bleeding cuts.

"I'm going to heal these cuts now," she said, gently but firmly, leaving no room for argument. Even so, she waited until Ben gave her the slightest of nods before she began.

Thankfully the cuts on Ben's hands were mainly superficial, so Rey's eye contact was only broken for a short time. Once she had healed them both she clasped them between her own, trying to infuse them with at least some warmth. Ben was shivering violently, his pale skin the same sickening dull grey colour of the fish they often caught, and Rey knew she needed to get him inside, but she also knew that there was no way she could carry him and he was in no way ready to move yet.

"Ben. Ben, I'm here," she murmured, brushing the soaked strands of hair from his forehead. The gash on his cheek was still there, but on second glance Rey saw that it wasn't as deep as it had initially looked and it wasn't actively bleeding, so she figured it could wait until she was able to get him warm.

"Ben," she said again, waiting until he acknowledged that he'd heard her before continuing. "I need to get you a bit warmer, so I'm going to sit on your lap, okay?"

At Ben's nod, Rey positioned his long, lean legs in front of him and crawled onto his lap, rucking up the front of his shirt and her tunic so she could press their bellies together. She flinched at the first touch of his skin against hers, as cold as the furthest corners of space, before burying her face into his neck and sliding her palms up underneath his shirt to splay them across his broad back. Tears stung her eyes when Ben echoed her movements, gliding his shaking hands under her tunic to hold her close.

You're not alone, she thought, over and over across the bond. I am with you.

They remained that way for several minutes, until a choked sob tore from Ben's throat and his forehead thudded against Rey's shoulder, his arms tightening around her so tightly that she let out a light squeak.

"Rey," he said, tight and raspy, the single word so thick with emotion that a knot rose in Rey's throat.

"I'm here," she murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his neck, just below his ear. He was starting to come back to her, as his shivering wasn't quite as violent and his limbs were a bit more pliant, but she knew he still wasn't ready to tell her what had happened. Ben's mind was a swirling whirlpool of dark emotions, like the pool she had encountered while training on Ahch-To, and with his stubbornness Rey had learned that she needed to be patient with him. He would open up to her when he was ready, and not before.

Be with me, she heard across the bond. Please.

I am with you. You're not alone.

Several more minutes passed, and Rey waited patiently, listening to the river flowing across the rocks and the birds chirping in the trees overhead, accompanied by the strong thud of Ben's heartbeat against her chest. Jakku had been almost completely devoid of both rivers and birds, at least as far as she'd known, and there had been many a day since she and Ben had arrived on Naboo where they'd spent hours just sitting along the riverbank and soaking up the sounds of bustling life.

Finally, Ben slid his hands further up to cup Rey's shoulders, tilting his head up to press a kiss to her collarbone. A bolt of heat shot through Rey's body at the gentle touch, her shoulders sagging in relief.

He was back.

"Ben," she whispered, softly, reverently.

"I'm here," he replied, just as softly. "And I'm sorry—"

"No," Rey cut in. She cupped his left cheek in her hand, her thumb brushing across Ben's lips. "No apologies, all right?"

Ben's lower lip trembled, his dark eyes glassy with unshed tears that did nothing to hide his shame.

"I'm going to heal your cheek now," she added, smiling slightly at Ben's answering nod. She raised her palm next to his face, closing her eyes as she concentrated on knitting the bruised and broken flesh back together.

It was exactly how she had healed his stab wound on the Death Star and her kyber crystal on Coruscant. Creating an image of the damaged fibres in her mind and then reforming them, strengthening them, knitting them back together until they were once again made whole.

Making him whole again, and by extension, her.

"I frightened you," Ben said once she was finished, brushing a gentle kiss across his smooth cheekbone for good measure.

"Yes, you did," Rey replied matter-of-factly. "But I'm fairly certain that you managed to frighten yourself even more."

"Yes." Ben gave a stuttered nod, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "But I—I'm—I shouldn't—it's not fair to you, and—" He paused as he blinked, his eyes first narrowing then widening in shock as he gingerly touched the stinging scratch on Rey's cheek. "You're hurt! Let me—let me—!"

"Shh, no. I'm all right," Rey soothed. She combed her fingers through Ben's damp hair, the strands so long that they reached past his shoulders. "I just want to help you. Can you tell me what happened?"

Ben huffed out a sharp breath, his chin quivering. "It was—it's been three years. Three years since—since I—" He broke off as the tears finally spilled over, trailing down his ghostly pale cheeks. "You—you were right… when you—when you said that I was haunted, that I couldn't stop seeing it, because… I can't. I just… can't."

"I can see through the cracks in your mask," she had said to him while on Pasaana, searching for the Wayfinder. "You can't stop seeing what you did to your father."

"Oh," Rey gasped as another sharp stab of guilt pierced her heart. She squeezed her eyes closed, shaking her head as she tried to stamp it back down, back into the deep recesses of her gut where it belonged. This wasn't about her.

"I shouldn't—I shouldn't've said that," she murmured. She pressed her forehead to his, brushing the tears from his cheeks with her thumbs. "Ben, I was angry, and afraid… but… I—I shouldn't've said that to you."

"But you were right. I can't stop seeing it." Another tear streaked down Ben's cheek that Rey hastily brushed away. "Every single day for the last three years I've been haunted by it. Snoke… had tasked me with finding Master Luke… and when I couldn't, I thought—I thought that—"

"No, Ben, please," Rey begged. "You are a completely different person now than you were on that day, and I know that you mourn your father because I've felt it, and I've seen it. Just like you also mourn your mother and Master Luke."

Ben lifted his head, his tortured brown eyes meeting hers. The feelings of abandonment he still carried from all three of his parental figures were still so fresh, like a wound covered only by the thinnest of scabs, ready to bleed again at only the slightest jostle or provocation.

"Yes, I do, but—"

"You've been trying to hide this from me," Rey said. "It's why your dreams were getting worse, and why you insisted on leaving during the night, isn't it?" While it wasn't her intention to peel the scab away from his mental wounds, she needed to make it clear that whatever had happened that morning by the river could not happen again.

When Ben didn't answer right away, Rey tucked his head back down on her shoulder, threading her fingers through his hair. They'd already had this discussion several times before, but Ben being… well… Ben, it hadn't exactly gotten resolved to Rey's liking.

"I wish you didn't feel that you need to hide things from me," she said gently. "You know how I feel about it."

"Yes, I do," Ben said, muffled against her skin. "But—"

"No. No buts." Rey pulled back, meeting Ben's eyes. "You are not the same person who did all those awful things, and you know it. There's no way that I would be here if you were." She drew in a deep breath, pressing a light kiss to Ben's trembling chin. "And I'm certain that there's no way those memories would still be torturing you if you were."

Ben gave a stuttered shake of his head. "No."

"No," Rey echoed. "Because I know for a fact that Snoke preyed upon your feelings of rejection and abandonment and used them to keep you isolated."

"Yes," Ben whispered. "I couldn't—there was no one I could trust. No one."

"And you didn't feel any more accepted under his rule than you did under Master Luke's, but by the time you realised it you felt it was too late to go back." Rey ducked her head under Ben's chin, her ear pressed over his heartbeat. "But it's not. It's never too late, Ben. And your parents, they both loved you even as they feared you were lost to them, and so did Master Luke. I saw it. I saw it in all three of them."

"But… they're all dead because of me," Ben said, so softly that Rey had to strain to hear him. "All three of them."

"They all died trying to bring you home because they all believed it was possible," Rey said, her voice catching as she recalled the very moment when she felt Leia reaching out to Ben through the Force, begging him to renounce his Sith persona and return to the side of light.

And then again on Exegol, when Leia transferred the last remaining fraction of her life force so that Ben could live on. Rey was absolutely certain that her heart didn't beat even once during those seconds when Ben hovered in the shadows between death and life, coming so close to being torn away from her forever.

Be with me. Don't leave me here alone.

You're not alone, she heard in her mind. I'm here.

"You're my home," Ben murmured into her hair.

"And you're mine." Rey shivered as a light gust of wind blew across the river, cool and crisp against her exposed skin. The sun was just starting to peek through the trees, the chirps of the birds growing louder as they began their morning routines. "Do you think you can head back now? I think you could probably use some hot tea and dry clothes."

Ben gave a nod, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of her head before helping her to her feet, then immediately sweeping her into his arms when he noticed that she was barefoot. Rey opened her mouth to protest that barefoot or not, she was perfectly fine to walk on her own, thank you very much, but then quickly thought against it. She would never admit it out loud, but there was something terribly romantic about being carried by the big strong man that she loved more than anything.

And even though she would never admit it out loud, she knew very well that Ben knew how much she enjoyed it, a fact made even more apparent when he glanced down at her and winked, sending a burst of warm fuzzies fluttering through her body.

Ben—her Ben—was back.

"Here you go," Rey said as she handed Ben a steaming mug of the tea concoction she'd been perfecting ever since they arrived on Naboo. Apparently his mother had introduced her to the beverage during the year she spent with the Resistance on Ajan Kloss, and Rey had grown so fond of it that she'd insisted on trying to replicate Leia's favourite blend. Ben still remembered Rey's triumphant, "Yay!" from the fire pit when she finally got it right, the wide, excited smile that stretched across her beautiful lips, the adorable crinkles in the corners of her hazel eyes that he never grew tired of seeing, and that dimple in her right cheek that he was convinced could either start wars or end them.

They were curled up next to that very fire pit now, with Ben's bare feet stretched out by the roaring flames and every blanket they owned draped across his shoulders. He accepted the mug with a grateful nod, taking a small, tentative sip, trying to hold it in his mouth for as long as possible before swallowing so he could savour the different flavours of all the herbs Rey had so masterfully blended.

He had found he'd been doing that a lot since he and Rey arrived on Naboo, and she as well. It was such a simple thing, really, to take pleasure in the preparation and eating of a meal, but it was also a pleasure that neither Ben nor Rey were used to indulging. The rations that Rey earned as a scavenger were always the same bland portions day in and day out, and while Ben had access to much finer cuisine in the First Order, he never actually allowed himself to enjoy it, preferring to retreat to his quarters to eat by himself.

Alone.

Solo.

"Good?" Rey asked as she sat down next to him with her own mug. She ducked under his arm, curling up next to him with her legs draped across his lap. Ben instinctively wrapped his free arm around her waist, tucking her as close to him as possible.

"Yes," he murmured, punctuating his answer with a kiss to her forehead. "Thank you."

Rey gave a nod, taking a small sip from her own mug before resting her head against his shoulder.

"Do you feel like telling me what happened now?" she asked a few heartbeats later, and Ben's heart clenched at the barely-disguised worry in her voice. She already worried about him enough, sometimes even lying awake at night to watch over him while he slept, his head resting on her chest while her fingers combed through his hair, just waiting to comfort him through yet another bad dream.

"You mentioned something about it being three years since… well, since?" Rey said before Ben could even open his mouth. "Do you think that's why your dreams have gotten so bad lately?"

Ben took another sip of his tea, closing his eyes as he nodded.

"Yes."

"All right. Then how 'bout you tell me what's been happening, and let's get this sorted out," Rey said. She could've been trying to diagnose a malfunctioning droid for how matter-of-fact she sounded, which Ben actually found rather amusing since he knew exactly how resourceful she could be with anything that needed fixing.

And Rey loved him, of that Ben had absolutely no doubt, and therefore he had no doubt that she would pour her entire heart and soul into finding every single last one of the murky thoughts that still tormented him, and then obliterate them.

"The star," he began, whispering. "Starkiller Base, it was drawing its power from the star, and—" He broke off, raising his head to look at Rey. "You were there, remember? With FN-2187—"

"Finn," Rey corrected. "He goes by Finn now. And yes, we were there, but I couldn't hear everything that you and Han were saying."

"It doesn't matter," Ben said quickly. He took another gulp of tea, shuddering as the burning hot liquid scorched its way down his throat, sending heat spreading across his chest like a warm blanket.

"My dad… he told me to take the mask off, so I did. And then I taunted him, saying that he was weak, and foolish, and that I—I'd thrown all that off when I joined the First Order."

"All right," Rey said after a short pause. She hadn't moved a single inch; if anything, she'd cuddled in even closer.

"He told me that Snoke was just using me, and that he would toss me aside when he was done with me, and—" His throat caught, his eyes filling with tears. How badly had Ben wanted to believe his father in that moment, how badly had he wanted to believe that he could've just left it all behind? Snoke, the First Order, the Sith, the Jedi…

All of it.

"Then he said that I could leave there with him, that I could go home… and… I—I looked over his shoulder at the star, and the light of it was fading, it was almost gone, and—and—"

He broke off again, the memory of how he'd felt in that moment, as if his soul was literally tearing right down the middle, so overwhelming that he nearly dropped his mug. Rey of course noticed right away, taking it from his hand and setting it down in front of him.

"Ben," she said softly as she clasped his hands and brought them to her lips, brushing them across his skin like the softest and frailest of silks. "It's all right. I'm here."

You're not alone.

"I almost did it," he whispered, staring into the flickering flames of the fire. "I dropped the helmet, and… I held out my lightsaber, but then—then the star went out, and the light was gone, and there was nothing left except darkness. I couldn't—I couldn't even see you and FN—Finn anymore. All I could see was my father, standing in a beam of red, and I just—"

"Ben, it's okay," Rey interrupted. "You don't—you don't need to say it out loud."

Anguish welled deep inside Ben's gut at Rey's words, and he doubled over as the tears finally fell, streaking his face and dripping onto his lap. It had been three years since he'd plunged his unstable lightsaber right through his father, three years since he'd seen that look of stunned horror on his dad's face as he yanked it back out.

Three years since his dad had touched his cheek in a final gesture of fatherly affection, right before he fell into the abyss.

The very same cheek that he'd cupped in Ben's memory, standing on the ruins of the second Death Star. The memory that finally gave Ben the courage to launch his lightsaber into the raging ocean, taking with it the final vestiges of Kylo Ren.

But even if Ben felt that his dad had forgiven him for what he did, how could Ben possibly forgive himself for something so terrible?

"I could barely breathe afterwards," Ben continued. "I felt like—like my uniform was squeezing me so tight that I was suffocating, and then I heard you, and I heard Chewie, but it was so distant, like I was underwater, drowning, and… I almost—I almost followed him, Rey. I almost jumped right into that abyss after him, but then—"

"Chewie shot you," Rey said, her voice flat. "And then the stormtroopers starting shooting at him, and—"

And all hell broke loose.

"Yes."

Rey set down her own mug, shifting until she was sitting in his lap face-to-face, her small hands stroking his hair.

"Ben, you told me yourself that Han forgave you for what you did," she said. "You told me that you saw him, there on the Death Star, and that—"

"But what if I only saw what I wanted to see?" Ben asked. He looked away, swiping at his running nose. "What if I was looking for something that I didn't deserve, just because I wanted to make myself feel better?"

Like you, he added in his mind. I didn't deserve you.

I still don't.

"You do," Rey stated, her eyebrows knitted together in a deep frown. "And that's all we're going to say about that."

"But—"

"What if he were here, right now?" Rey said, as if she hadn't heard him. "If Han Solo were here right now, what would you say to him?"

Ben's eyes went wide at the abrupt question. "I don't—I don't know."

"Then I think that's part of the problem," Rey said gently, a tiny shiver racing down Ben's spine with every light scrape of her fingernails against his scalp. Stars, he loved when she did that! "You're still trying to hold on to the pain you felt on that day as a way to punish yourself, even as you know deep down that's not what Han would've wanted."

"But I killed him!" Ben exclaimed, the lump in his throat so large that he nearly choked. "I looked him right in the eye as I stabbed him! I don't deserve to be forgiven!"

"But Han didn't believe that!" Rey said, just as forceful. "And neither did Leia. And neither do I."

"Rey—"

"You told me yourself that your lightsaber was unstable, yes?" she asked. "Because of when it bled to red?"

"Yes," Ben whispered, swallowing hard. "It's—it's why I had to add the side vents, to—to release some of the energy."

"Or it would've exploded."

"Yes."

Rey was quiet for a moment, her small, lithe body curled up against his, his arms wrapped around her under the blankets. She was so petite that Ben was a head taller than her; if he'd have been in the Resistance he would've been deemed too tall to fly the X-wing fighters, and even his own personal First Order TIE Interceptor had had to be specially altered to fit him.

He could pick Rey up and carry her with only one arm, but yet she was still so much stronger than him.

"And how did you feel when you threw it into the ocean?" she finally asked. "The saber?"

Ben sucked in a deep breath, his nose buried in Rey's neck.

"Free," he said. "Like I could breathe again. And for the first time in so long I knew exactly what I needed to do."

I needed to find you.

"But you were still scared," Rey said.

"Yes."

"Well, Master Luke told me that confronting fear was the destiny of a Jedi."

The corners of Ben's lips curled into the slightest of smiles.

"He told me that too. A few times."

"You didn't allow your fear to keep you from getting to Exegol," Rey said. "Even calling the First Order for help to get there."

"I didn't care how I got there, Rey, I couldn't let you face Palpatine alone! He would've killed you!"

He almost did kill you.

Shuddering, Ben slid his hand up Rey's back, tucking her even closer as his fingers caressed the soft skin on the back of her neck. Palpatine had killed her. She had been dead, almost lost to him forever, and—

I'm here, love, he heard in his mind. You're not alone.

"Neither are you," he said, nearly sobbing the words. "And you never will be."

"Shh," Rey whispered as she lifted her head, cupping Ben's face and kissing him. It was a sweet kiss, meant to convey comfort and hope as well as intimacy, and Ben practically melted into it.

"Don't do that to me again, all right?" Rey said once they broke apart, her fingertips trailing down his cheek, tracing along the scar that was no longer there. "Don't feel like you have to shut me out when your thoughts grow dark. I'm not only here for the good days, Ben. I'm here for all of them."

Ben gave a rather reluctant nod, his forehead thudding against Rey's shoulder.

"I know. And I—I love you so much, I can't—I can't—"

"Shh," she said again, brushing her fingers across his lips. "I do have a suggestion though."

"Okay?"

"I'd like us to write letters, one each to Han, Leia, and Master Luke, telling them everything that we should've told them but lost out on the chance. And once we're done we can bury them by the river, and then maybe you'll have a bit more of a measure of peace about all of it. All right?"

Ben had to admit that it was a brilliant idea, as were most of Rey's ideas, even as the thought of what he could possibly write was nearly paralysing.

"The words will come to you when you're ready," Rey said, as if she'd read his mind, which she likely had. "We don't have to do it today. In fact, I'm fairly certain that we're almost out of paper anyway, and don't you have some deliveries to make?"

As a matter of fact, Ben had just the day before completed his latest assignment from the owner of the old-fashioned book binding shop he and Rey had discovered on their second trip into the nearby city. They had arrived on Naboo virtually penniless, with only a few credits that Ben had stolen from the First Order ship that transported him to Exegol to their name, and Ben was convinced that it was the Force that had led he and Rey down that narrow alley where they'd discovered the small bookshop, filled to the brim with shelf after shelf of dusty volumes dating back hundreds of years, and a sign tacked to the front window advertising for a paid copywriter.

At Rey's urging they'd gone inside the shop, approaching the owner and offering a sample of Ben's writing skills. It had been so long since Ben had held a quill in his hand that at first he was worried that he'd forgotten how, but he'd only managed to write out three words before the owner told him he was hired, saying that he'd never seen such brilliant longhand calligraphy in all his years of printing. Ben's stipend of two hundred credits per week, while modest, still allowed he and Rey to purchase everything they needed that they couldn't glean from the forest themselves, including extra paper, quills, and ink for Ben to use to teach Rey how to write.

And, like most things that Rey learned, it wasn't long at all before she was excellent at it.

"We'll go tomorrow," Ben said as he picked up his mug of tea, draining the rest of it in three large gulps.

Rey smiled, a radiant, absolutely beautiful smile that showed off her dimple in all its glory, a smile that Ben couldn't help but return.

"That sounds wonderful," she said.

They set out after breakfast the following morning, arriving in town just as the shops were unlocking their doors. The bookshop owner was as jovial as ever, gushing over Ben's work as he handed him his credits and his next assignment. He also offered them a spare half-ream of paper for free, saying he couldn't use it due to some slight boxing around the corners. Rey thanked him profusely, causing the man to blush up to the roots of his sparse, paper-white hair.

"You hold onto that one, you hear, son?" the owner whispered to Ben as they readied to leave. "'Cause you won't find another girl like that if you searched the entire galaxy."

"I know," Ben told him, a lot more emphatically than was probably necessary. He didn't need to be told how wonderful Rey was, he saw it in every single moment of every single day. But that didn't mean he didn't enjoy hearing it from others as well.

Once they left the bookshop they wandered around a bit, visiting various shops and people-watching. The soles of Rey's boots were nearly worn through so Ben had her choose a new pair, after which she insisted that he get a haircut. He had already broken three of her hair ties trying to keep his hair out of his face while training, so he supposed it was time.

They didn't work on the letters right away. In fact, it was almost a week later before Rey even brought it up again, telling Ben one rainy afternoon that she was going to start working on her letter to Master Luke. She didn't try to hint or prod at him to begin his own, she simply sat down at their tiny table, turned up their oil lamp, and started to write.

And it was only a day later that Ben knew exactly what he needed to say.

He asked Rey to sit with him while he wrote, the words pouring from the end of his quill and onto the page, everything he wished he could've said to the three of them but didn't for some reason or another. To his mother, he wrote how grateful he was that she had taught him how to braid, saying that it was one of Rey's favourite things when he braided her hair for her. How much he missed the smell of her perfume and the way she used to kiss his temple. And that he forgave her for never telling him that Darth Vader was his grandfather.

To his father, Ben wrote how much he'd admired him, a self-made man in a galaxy full of wannabe self-mades who'd never made it. How thankful he was for the piloting skills he'd inherited and for introducing him to Chewie and Lando, two of Ben's most favourite people as a young child.

And that he forgave him for not ever visiting him while he was training with Master Luke.

He saved Master Luke's letter for the end, knowing it would be the most difficult, and in fact had to write and rewrite it several times until he felt it was ready. In it, Ben wrote how much he'd always looked up to him, as both the Jedi hero who'd saved the galaxy by destroying the ruler of the Galactic Empire, and as his uncle, his only living relative besides his parents. How much he had enjoyed their travels during his training, exploring ancient Jedi lore and artefacts.

How he forgave him for being frightened of the growing darkness inside him, because it had pretty much scared everyone. Including Ben.

And he ended the letter by telling Master Luke how sorry he was that in their last face-to-face meeting, Ben chose to not accept his apology and instead tried to kill him.

Rey read over the letter once he was done, the pale lamplight giving her smooth skin an almost ethereal glow from her place next to him at the table.

"It's perfect," she said. "I think we should bury them tomorrow."

Ben nodded, softly kissing her forehead. He held her close the entire night, occasionally dozing off only to awaken out of fear that his dark thoughts might return before he had the chance to properly bury them.

The morning dawned clear and cool, the kind of day that Leia used to love. As soon as the sun was fully up, Ben and Rey dressed in their best clothes and headed down the path towards the river, their letters carefully rolled into scrolls and tied with thin white ribbons. They buried them by hand right along the riverbank, side-by-side, carefully covering them with dirt and rocks and marking each spot with another ribbon tied to a stick.

Once they were done they stepped back, watching the ribbons dance in the light breeze as the river flowed downstream and the birds chirped overhead. After a moment, Rey slipped her small hand into Ben's, squeezing it gently.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

Ben hesitated before replying, curling his arm around Rey's shoulders and hugging her close before breathing in a long, deep breath. There was a sweetly fragrant scent in the air, just like he remembered from his childhood, and as he glanced down at Rey he noticed that the sunlight was highlighting the lighter brown strands in her hair and the light sprinkling of freckles across her nose.

She looked like an angel, one of those mythical creatures that pilots sometimes saw on deep space flights, and he couldn't help but break into a smile.

"Lighter," he finally said, turning to face her. "I feel lighter."

And he did. If he had to guess, the weight equivalent of the entire Starkiller Base had just been lifted from his shoulders.

"I can tell," Rey said, beaming as brightly as the sun streaming through her hair. "That's good, Ben. That's really, really good."

"Thank you, sweetheart," he murmured as he dipped his head to kiss her. He'd meant it to be a quick kiss, just enough to convey how grateful he was and how much he loved her, when Rey wound her arms around his neck to hold him in place and he suddenly needed her so badly that he thought he might combust right there by the river.

"Can we—can we go home now?" he stammered, his heart thudding madly. "Please?"

Rey didn't even answer, only pecked his lips again and grabbed onto his hand as they practically ran back to the cabin. As soon as the door closed behind him, Ben grabbed Rey around her waist, capturing her lips and reaching for the tie that held her dress together as Rey untucked his shirt from his trousers, slipping her slim fingers underneath.

"Need you," he said as he kissed down her jaw to her neck, his hands sliding Rey's dress from her shoulders to pool at her feet. He traced a finger down the strap of her delicate lace camisole, slowly slipping it over her shoulder and down her arm as Rey drew his shirt up his chest, making a frustrated noise when she couldn't reach high enough to tug it over his head.

"Off," she said, and Ben quickly complied, pulling off the shirt and tossing it to the floor. He gasped as Rey's cold palms landed on his bare skin, sliding his own hands under her thighs to pick her up and carry her to their bed. There he laid her down, his eyes sweeping hungrily across her nearly-bare body. She was so incredibly beautiful, could entice any man in the galaxy with just a single one of her dazzling smiles, and yet she loved him.

Ben Solo.

I do, he heard in his mind, and his heart swelled nearly to the point of bursting. I do love you. More than anything.

He would never, ever tire of hearing it.

"I can feel it," he whispered. A few strands of Rey's hair had come loose from their braid, and he gently tucked them behind her ear, his previous sense of urgency replaced with a nearly overwhelming desire to spend the entire rest of the day worshipping her.

Be with me, he thought as he slowly removed the rest of Rey's clothing, trailing his fingertips across her collarbones and down between her perfect breasts. Stay here with me. Don't let me slip away.

I'll never leave you, she thought in reply, gasping in pleasure when he lowered his mouth to her right nipple, nipping and teasing her sweet, sensitive skin.

"Ben," she said, moaning as he kissed across her chest to her left breast, her fingers tangling in his hair. "I'll always be right here with you."

"So beautiful, my love," he murmured, now trailing his fingers down, past her flat stomach to the apex of her thighs, the hitch in Rey's breath sending such intense pleasure across their bond that he nearly came right then. He was so hard that it was almost painful but he was trying to ignore it, wanting to focus all of his attention on her.

"Relax, sweetheart," he whispered as his fingers slipped down to her centre, finding her slick and ready for him. "I'm gonna take good care of you."

"Ben," Rey said, murmuring his name like a prayer, her tiny hands clutching his arms and his hair as he made her fall apart first with his hand, then with his mouth. "Ben, please!"

Tell me you'll be right here with me, he thought as he kissed his way back up to her mouth, his cock screaming for mercy. Hearing your voice is like hearing an angel sing.

"I'll always be with you," she said right before he covered her mouth with his, fumbling with his trousers as he kissed her deeply.

Through the good and the bad, and all in between.

And then she hooked her legs around his waist, her heels nudging the back of his thighs as he slowly pushed inside her, tears welling in his eyes once they were joined.

What were the odds? Ben wondered as he propped himself up on his arms and started to move, not taking his eyes off Rey's face, so flushed and dewy that she glowed like the light of her golden lightsaber. He had often wondered, given that Force dyads were so incredibly rare, if he and Rey would've ever even met had there not been yet another war. If her parents hadn't left her alone on Jakku, and if he hadn't accidentally destroyed Master Luke's temple. If… if…

Would they have still managed to find each other? Or would they both have been destined to spend their entire lives alone?

He supposed it didn't really matter, because in the end they had found each other.

Never tell me the odds.

You're not alone.

Neither are you.

Be with me, Ben. Always.

He came with Rey's name falling in ecstasy from his lips as she clung to him, her blunt fingernails digging into his shoulders as she told him over and over that she loved him, that she would never leave him.

That he was going to be okay, and that she was certain of it, so he had no choice but to believe her.

They ended up making love twice more before dark, finally falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms. For the first time in years Ben's sleep was a dreamless one, a deep, heavy sleep that had eluded him for so long that he had forgotten what it was like.

Until suddenly, right before dawn broke, something woke him. An unusual sensation, something that felt both odd and strangely familiar.

Something that sounded almost like a voice, carried on the wind. It wasn't Rey, nor was it his mother or father, or Master Luke. Or even Snoke.

A voice that simply whispered, "Ben."

I can't wait to see what you think! Please don't hesitate to leave me a review!

I'm also on tumblr at geeky-writes and geekys-starwars :)