Another Traveller
[111 AG]
[Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom]
Toph never had been the most open of people.
She very rarely told him she loved him with quite so many words – or any words at all, really, as she much preferred to squeeze his hand two times, step a little closer, actually hug him despite other people being close by, and it had bothered him, in the beginning of their relationship, that he got only her fingers brushing against his for every proclamation of love, her fist against his shoulder for every whispered compliment, though he'd known, of course, that she wasn't one for openly showing affection.
He'd just assumed it would be different once he was her boyfriend.
It wasn't, and they'd argued about it – their first real fight as a couple – and he hadn't stormed off like he was wont to do, but she had been very tempted to, she'd told him later, mumbled it into his shirt, because it hurt, having him accuse her of not loving him as much as he loved her, and not everyone expressed themselves like he did, he should know that by now.
So Aang made an effort to understand her more quiet love and Toph tried to actually say 'I love you' once in a while, and that had worked fine for them the last two years, they had been fine, they were fine.
He snuck a glance at her, for a moment distracted from freeing Appa of his saddle by the thoughtful expression on her pale face, the flickering shadows the bonfire cast on it.
She'd been more closed off than usual these past few days, and it troubled him greatly, that he had no idea what had let to this shift in her mood – all he knew was that she had gotten up during meditation one morning, which wasn't surprising in and on itself; he'd just assumed she'd gotten bored.
It had happened before.
But then she hadn't turned up again for almost three hours, and he hadn't been able to find her anywhere during that time, and he didn't like any of this, because she still wouldn't tell him what was going on.
Appa grumbled happily when the saddle hit the ground.
"You done?", Toph asked.
He turned his head, hand still resting on Appa's warm flank, fingers tangled in his soft, soft fur, and watched her stir their dinner with very little enthusiasm – she didn't enjoy cooking on the best of days and today was evidently not one of those.
The sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon, the world tinted orange and red, and Momo was curled up on Appa's head and Appa was chewing grass and Toph looked as pensive and tense as she had for days now, with her shoulders stiff and her knees drawn to her chest.
"Yeah. How's the rice?"
"Doesn't smell burned yet", she shrugged.
"That's always good", he replied and tried to grin, even if she couldn't see it; she'd once told him she could hear him pulling a face and though he wasn't entirely sure how true that was – he certainly couldn't hear a difference –, he had come to expect the unexpected from her.
He plopped down next to her after giving Appa a last pat and peered into the pot hanging over the fire.
She fiddled with the wooden spoon she'd used to stir the rice.
"I've been meaning to ask you something."
"Oh?"
He perked up at her tone – and the words alone made his heart beat a little more hopeful, because he usually knew what was going on in her head, she wasn't afraid of letting him know what bothered her, and he didn't want that to change.
"I'm all ears."
"Always have been", she sighed and he almost smiled again at the halfhearted joke, because she hadn't cracked one of those for a while; she continued before he could: "How'd you feel about someone travelling with us again? I know it's been mostly just the two of us for ... well, almost seven years now, but ... yeah. How'd you feel about that?"
That was what this was about?
He was a little confused.
"Depends, I guess ... I mean, it's not like we never had anybody join us before."
"This would be permanent, though. Like, ... really permanent."
She twirled the spoon between her fingers.
It was nice having someone with them from time to time – Katara had travelled with them last year, because they'd been on their way to the North Pole (which Toph had hated, she hadn't even liked the Spirit Oasis) and she'd planned on recruiting new students up there, and a few years before that, Sokka had joined them for a while because they'd gotten word of a Magical Spirit Sword stuck in a stone that matched Space Sword's description (and they'd cheated to get it back and the villagers hadn't been happy with them), though they hadn't yet been a couple back then, he supposed.
Having them with them had been nice, almost like old times again.
Travelling with Teo when he was still Toph's boyfriend, on the other hand, hadn't been a pleasent experience at all, which had been mostly his own fault, if he was being honest. He'd handled his crush on Toph and the jealousy that came with seeing her and Teo together pretty badly.
Pretty immaturely.
(And he'd apoligized for being an idiot to both of them, multiple times; if Teo ever wanted to go anywhere, he'd just have to ask, because he honestly owed him that.)
Then again, she'd said this person would be joining them permanently and he wasn't too sure if he'd be happy about any of their friends doing that – a month or two were fine, but ... forever was a different matter entirely.
Most of the time, he quite enjoyed travelling with Toph alone.
And he couldn't imagine anybody they knew wanting to do that, either.
So he only really had one question: "Well, who is it?"
Toph bit her lip.
"Not quite sure yet. But ... I mean, ... hopefully they're gonna be a lot like you."
He blinked.
"... What?"
"Spirits, I'm bad at this", she groaned and stood up, dragged her free hand through hair that was down and loose for once. "So ... fucking bad. I've been thinking about how to say this for days and this is how it comes out. I'm sorry."
"I'm not sure I understand what you're talking about."
She sighed.
"I'm pregnant."
For a moment, his mind stood completely still and with it the world.
Because they hadn't planned this, and he hadn't expected this, and his heart was beating in his ears, and though a part of him couldn't help but think and feel and know that this was still the best news he'd received in possibly forever, Toph looked so very worried and he didn't know if he could be entirely happy about this if she wasn't.
He jumped to his feet.
He was going to be a father.
He struggled to form any thought beyond that.
Toph started pacing.
"A baby, huh?", was what finally left his mouth and he wanted to kick himself, because that was probably one of the least assuring things to say in this situation and she furrowed her brow, so he added: "That's brilliant!"
She shrugged.
"Is it?"
"... Is it not?"
"I don't know!"
She threw her arms up in helpless exasperation, and he ducked the spoon she was still holding before it could make contact with his face.
"I've ... This is terrifying. We've never properly talked about this, it was always 'maybe later', but now there's no later anymore, there's just now, and I don't know if I'm ready for this, Aang, but that doesn't really matter anymore, does it? I don't know anything about pregnancy or about children and how are we having a child before Katara, doesn't that feel wrong to you?"
Aang took a careful step and grabbed her wrist to pull the cooking utensil from her fingers and drop it, then wrapped his arms around her tightly.
She sagged against his chest after a heartbeat or two.
Her hair tickled his chin.
"Don't you find this scary at all?", she asked in a small voice.
And she felt very small, too, tiny in his embrace; sometimes, it was easy to forget that she couldn't reach his chin on tiptoes, because her presence would fill a room easily and that was one of the things he loved about her.
"It is scary", he admitted after a moment. "Very scary, actually. But ... Sokka once told me he thinks nobody's ever ready to be a Dad and that he sure wasn't, and look at how awesome of a father he's now ... I'm assuming the same's true for mothers. And we did a lot of scary things, but we're still here, aren't we? We managed, we always do, because you refuse to back down from a challenge and what can I say, you've kinda been rubbing off on me these past few years. You taught me earthbending, you invented metalbending, we ended this war together ... Well, ... not just the two of us, obviously, but ... I think you know what I mean. I don't doubt at all that you'll be great at this, too. You're great with Sesi and Little Iroh. Gan adores you."
"Gan's supposed to adore me", she muttered, "he's my brother. And Little Iroh and Sesi we see maybe twice a year. And then they're always more excited to see you!"
"That's just because I can take them flying."
She continued like he hadn't spoken: "They're not my kids, either. I'm not responsible for any of them, I've never been responsible for anyone but myself, and I just ... Babies can do literally nothing on their own! He's gonna be entirely dependent on me and-"
"We're a team", he interrupted softly. "You can't possibly think I'd leave you alone with this. I'd never! Whatever you want to do now, I'll be by your side. You know that. Right?"
"I ... Of course I do, Aang."
Toph sighed again and tried to take a step back, so he let go of her, if a little unwillingly.
"But a baby changes ... everything. My body and our relationship and the life we've built over the last ... well, seven years, really, because that's how long it's been just the two of us, Appa and Momo. My parents will want us to get married and maybe we should do that, I don't know. Suki and Sokka got married because they were having Sesi and they're doing fine, right? I think they are ... But what if they're not? What if we won't be? What if this ruins everything? What if, in the end, we won't even have a baby – Mom lost two children between Gan and me and one before me, and then I was so sickly, they weren't sure I'd even make it for almost half a year. What if I'm like her? What if this kid's gonna be like me?"
She took a deep breath, and he opened his mouth, then closed it again, wordlessly, because he understood now why she had been so quiet, if this was what she had been thinking about for the last three days.
"If our child's anything like you", he said slowly, "then they're going to be absolutely fine. Because you're a fighter and you made it, you're still here. And if you start feeling like anything's wrong, you tell me immediatly and I'll get you to a healer. In fact, maybe we should find you a healer anyway? To check if everything's fine? That's what you do, right?"
"Maybe. I don't know."
She tugged on her hair.
She sounded tired.
He wanted to hug her again, but he wasn't sure how much she'd appreciate that right now – she'd stepped away from him, after all –, and so he hurried to continue: " And I understand that you're scared and ... and why you're scared and ... I ... I ... I want to make it better, but ... I ... Spirits, I'm sorry. I really, really am. I don't know what to say to make this better, I don't even know if there is any making this better, because ... these things did happen to your Mom and ... I don't know how likely they are to happen to you and ... Tell me what I can do ... and I'll do it."
Aang pulled his shoulders up helplessly and froze in surprise for just a second when her arms were suddenly around his chest again, maybe just a little too tightly, and her face was hidden in his robes, buried in the dark green fabric, and he returned the hug with all his might.
The sun and all its light had almost completely vanished now.
"I love you", Toph said quietly.
"I love you, too", he mumbled and kissed her head.