notes:

fun fact: i listen to kimi no na wa's ost for inspiration, plus, i even got the titles outside the windows of our classroom and on mornings spent swaying to and fro on the train from Sparkle's lyrics. expect part 3 to be named in the same fashion. now, let's start manipulating the lives of the characters. buckle up friends, you're gonna need it today. (i hope)

[Elephant in the Room—a very large issue or an obvious problem that everyone is aware of, but nobody wants to talk about]

iv: The Elephant in the Room

So that's how it was.

Karma had taken off the buttons; it was the only explanation to give, given the fact that the cardigan had holes on the other side where the buttons were meant to go. But why would he do that? Manami frowns, smoothing down her skirt, her hair loose and pin-straight in its dampness as she stood in front of the mirror. It seemed like too much effort, even if the cardigan itself was still usable button-less. But still, Manami liked to think. Thinking made sense. So what sense was there to it when he removed the buttons?

Thinking about buttons made her think back to Karma's second button; the one he'd given her all those months ago, the one that she kept in the empty pill box on her desk. Manami glanced at it, cheeks rosy. Of course she knew what that meant now… though, did that button belong to the cardigan she was wearing now? …No, it didn't. It was a bit too small, and would have kept slipping through the button hole. So where did he get it?

The questions just kept coming and Manami's nose scrunched. I should just ask him myself… it's just a question of where he got it, isn't it? Another question. Manami sighed as she bent to retrieve her elastics.

But even then, the scent of the cardigan that had nestled around her wafted to her nose, and even Manami was not so blind to not realize that he'd made her smell like him. You smell like home, he'd said. Did he mean he liked the way he smelled? But that would make no sense, whatsoever. Manami pinched a bit of the black cotton and brought it to her nose, smiling against the cloth. But, it made sense that Karma would like the way he smelled; no one liked to smell bad, and Karma always smelled nice.

What about smelling like home? Ah, he must like the scent of his cologne and fabric conditioner that much to the point he's made her use it; it was the way his house smelled. That must be it! Manami nods, beaming now as she braided her hair, confident she'd figured out the meaning in his words. Ha, she cheered to herself, now I know what you meant, Karma-kun!

There was a knock before her door creaked to admit her mother. Manami looked to find her mother peering at her, sharp gray eyes unreadable as always. Manami directed her cheery grin at her.

"Good morning!"

Okuda Rie crossed her arms, brow rising. "Good morning… breakfast is ready. And why are you wearing such a big smile so early in the morning, dear?"

"Oh, I've just figured out the answer to something."

"Must have been a really interesting one." Her mother said with a shrug, turning away and beckoning her to follow, and follow Manami did.

"It was something like that, yes."

Her father was already on the table with his tea, waiting for them to arrive. To his left sat a number of files and Manami knew they were her reports without looking. He had her file last month's inventory and stocks from the pharmacy last night after all, plus, they were color-coded. She was the only one who color-coded notes and files in their family, and her father always put the blue ones on top of any other color, saving the orange ones for last simply because he hated the color orange.

"Good morning, father."

"Good morning." He didn't even look up from the papers.

Manami took a seat and immediately found fault with the steaming beverage set next to her breakfast. "This is tea."

"I'm glad you know what it's called. Green tea's healthier," her father said as he sent her a stern look she would have believed had the corner of his mouth weren't twitching. "Drink that. You need to cut down on black coffee. Remember, I'm watching your acidity levels, Manami. You stay up late enough studying as it is."

Manami sunk low on her seat, mumbling, "I-I only take black coffee in the mornings…"

Her mother tapped her head with a newspaper as she passed, scoffing. "Studying, so he says. Your daughter is up late because she's being kept out late, Eiichi." She turned to Manami, eyes stern. "Don't get me wrong, dear. I'm grateful you get home at all as late as it is, but please, it would make me feel better if I meet Akabane-kun one day. I'd like a few words."

The vaguely accusing tone paired with her mother's sharp look had Manami averting her eyes as she put bits of omelette to her mouth, cheeks rosy. "Yes, mother." She wondered how Karma would fare against her mother—charm and sweet-talking could only get so far… and Manami knew her mother can be a brick wall if she wanted to. Worry made her frown; I should have gotten him to meet mother sooner…

Her father was chuckling against his cup. "How is Karma-kun, honey? Everything fine with you two?"

"He's okay… um. We're okay." Manami murmured, staring pointedly at her meal.

"Mm-hm," her father hummed, his tone laden with fanfare. "I was under the impression he's your good friend. Have you two broken up already? Oh, no, why? Don't you want him anymore?"

If there was anything she got from Okuda Eiichi, her father, it was surely his talent of barraging questions. Except her father was inquisitive to the point of nosy, and Manami knew her mother was his complement and her saint from the way she could shut him up with simply a look. Her father merely gave her a complacent smile.

"Please stop." Manami pleaded, hiding behind her tea as it fogged her glasses over. It was one thing to have your friends tease and pry; her parents… her father, on the other hand…

He laughed, and even her mother was smiling. "Oh, humor me, child. My birthday is nearing, at least gift me your words." Her father hummed again. "Come to think of it, I'm thinking of taking the day off for that one. It'll be Manami's summer break by then too, won't it?" Manami nods, and his smile brightened. "Then let's all go out for dinner. No work, no school stuff. Just us and dinner somewhere nice."

Dinner with her parents was something short of a luxury; they worked for 12 hours every day, sometimes more. Weekends were no exception—manning the pharmacy required 24/7 service. Though there were other staff and shift rotations, there was no denying her parents were workaholics. "I-I'd like that!"

Her mother titters against her cup. "Oh, alright. It has been a while since we went out. I'll take a leave, too."

They make plans for her father's birthday and swear promises. By the time Manami is walking towards the train station there's a warm ball of happiness within her that she hadn't felt in a long time, smiling beneath her scarf against the sway of early morning passengers and station chatter. For now, there was nothing that would bring her day down.

"…And at the 31st, there's a mixer for you and Sora-chan with some of my old classmates."

Nothing, except Ayasegawa Riko's sudden announcements involving mixers she hadn't agreed to.

"Excuse me?" Daimonji voiced out what Manami couldn't, thick with betrayal and annoyance. Her friend had scrambled up from her seat with such haste that her pack of carrot sticks almost clattered off the desk—Manami zoomed forward to catch it, sighing. Then she looked back at Ayasegawa, frowning. A mixer? Her? Now, she may have gotten her high school friends out of happenstance, sheer power of will and mutual interests, a mixer was a different matter altogether. Doubt and discomfort wound its way around her, displacing the happy ball of warmth that she'd cradled just an hour ago. And the 31st was 3-E's reunion!

Ayasegawa stood in front of them, unshakable, and the fact that her fingers were twined with Yamamura's might have helped her stand firm. Yamamura, however, looked less supportive of her and more sympathetic when Manami found him shaking his head at her, looking put out. Yamamura and Ayasegawa were cloudy skies apart, and rain on sunny days together. Some things don't change, Manami thinks, managing to smile despite the news she just received.

"Riko," Daimonji says, voice low. "Just because you and Kouichi got your stuff together doesn't mean everyone else has to."

"Everyone will have to get it together someday. I'm helping speed up the process for you and Manami-chan."

"I don't have time for mixers," Daimonji insists. Me too, Manami thought, looking up at her and Ayasegawa. "And why involve Okuda-chan when she already has Kunugigaoka-san? And I already have someone I like—"

"Wait, first off, they're not together, so it doesn't count. I like Kunugigaoka-san, I really do, but they're not exclusive as far as I could tell. They're free to see other people!" Ayasegawa relinquished her hold on Yamamura's hand to cross her arms. Ah, why am I caught in this? Manami thinks, fingers picking at the cardigan sleeves, avoiding Ayasegawa's probing stare and pretending she hadn't just torn through her standing with Karma. Sometimes Manami did not like Ayasegawa's assertiveness. It's more than that. Beside her, Yamamura nudges her and Manami shrugs weakly at him. "And… you've never told me you liked somebody before."

Daimonji reddens, but she stood to her full height, bristling. "So now you do. I have someone I like, like how Kunugigaoka-san likes Okuda-chan, so I think it's safe to say we won't be going, thanks."

"You're going, Sora-chan. You and Manami-chan both. And it's just a mixer—you love parties! What's wrong with this one? It's like a mini party!"

Daimonji does not answer, her mouth pursed. A beat of silence as they stared each other down, and Manami suppresses a sigh as she reclined on her chair. They were best friends and they were fighting… Her hands wrung and played with her sleeves again, thinking that if Daimonji couldn't shake Ayasegawa down, there was no way Ayasegawa would listen to Manami. Saying no to Ayasegawa Riko isn't an option.

What would she say to Karma? Could she even say it? Even if she didn't, he'd find out one way or another, or maybe Yamamura and Yotsuki would say. I think it would be better if it came from me. Easier said than done. Manami frets.

"Fine, whatever." Daimonji reluctantly mutters, looking away. "Just this once."

Ayasegawa smiles, pleased. "Once is enough."

"You say that as if one trial is sufficient to yield results." Yamamura drawls. "You're supposed to conduct a lot of tests before coming to a conclusion. You sure you're in the right field?"

"Might I remind you we met on a diner at first year junior high and you fell so hard you transferred the following year?" Manami and Daimonji turned wide eyes to Yamamura, who looked sucker-punched, then blushed to his ears. Ayasegawa looked smug. "So don't tell me about repeating experiments now, Kouichi."

Yamamura scoffed, looking away to hide his burning cheeks. "Sometimes I wonder why I love you."

As Ayasegawa and Yamamura started an entirely new debate, Daimonji settles back down with a sigh and nudged Manami—who inclined her head in askance. "I guess it's true that love has no logical explanation, huh?"

Manami refrained from saying that it did. There was always a logical explanation to everything, though not everyone could make sense of it.

"What would happen if we don't go?" Manami dared ask, her voice low. "I have plans on that day, too…"

"Tough. She'd pester you non-stop until you agree, so you'd best go along on this one." Daimonji sighs. "You don't wanna learn the hard way of saying no to Riko, Okuda-chan."

Manami really, really did not want to go. The idea of meeting people she did not know nor possessed any prior knowledge of made her stomach turn; the fact because it was for a mixer, more so. "I wish Yotsuki-kun were here."

"Believe me, Manato stands no chance against her either."

With that, both of them sighed.

Classes came and went. Manami was ashamed to have been so preoccupied to do her hundred percent. Before she knew it, last period had ended and Manami waved back as Nonoe waved her goodbye. Ayasegawa was in a conversation with three of her classmates by the front and Yamamura was already done with his things and approaching Ayasegawa; Manami quickly rounded her desk and pulled him back before he got too far.

"Okuda, hey," he breathed, surprised. "Need anything?"

"Um, I know this would be really irresponsible of me, a-and I'd like Yamamura-kun to know that under different circumstances I would never ask of this, but, um…" Manami squared her shoulders. "C-Can I have the day off today? I promise I'll make up for it tomorrow!"

Yamamura snorted. "If I had it my way, I would've been forcing day-offs on you whether you liked it or not." At her indignant look, he chuckled and patted her head, smiling. "But sure. Take all the time you need."

Manami beamed. "Thank you! I only need today."

"Should I ask why you want a day-off?" Manami hesitated. Yamamura noticed, and his mouth quirked. "They won't know."

"I'm going to Kunugigaoka." Admitting it was worse than thinking about it. Her face warmed, and her courage to look at Yamamura in the eye dwindled to zero. Manami shrugged; she felt silly. "Um. So there."

"So there." The blandness of his tone is betrayed by his amused eyes. Manami can't help smiling, and Yamamura rolled his eyes as if annoyed. "What the heck are you still here for? You're not putting your day off to good use."

Manami liked Yamamura. Sometimes he reminded her of Isogai, the way he handled their class and the responsibilities that came with being section leader, except Isogai isn't as brusque and aloof. Assured of his loyalty but wanting to be sure, Manami grabbed hold of her bag but looked back at him. "You won't tell Riko-chan or anyone else, right?"

"I would hide a dead body for you, Okuda."

Giggling, Manami all but ran out the classroom, navigating the hall against the crowd of students and past the gates in no time. Out of campus perimeters did she break into a run, ducking into empty sideways and alleys for the shortest way to the station; she couldn't explain the nervous energy and her rush, just feeling the inexplicable need to get to Kunugigaoka and who she wanted to see there.

They're free to see other people.

Of course they were. Manami just couldn't. And wouldn't. Manami didn't understand a lot of things when it came to topics normal to one of her age, but she isn't incompetent; she's getting there. Exclusive or not, there was this strange loyalty to him that she didn't want to endanger. Friendship, companionship, relationship, whatever it is or whatever it isn't didn't matter now—this is what Ayasegawa does not understand.

Just because you and Kouichi got your stuff together doesn't mean everyone else has to.

We can't expect to have all of it figured out that fast, right?

When Manami boards the train, she's surprised to find how little passengers there are compared to her usual train. Calculating the time, the hours and the schedules, this was four trains earlier than her usual one. The one that's supposed to be mine, she thinks with no little amount of awe, but always the one Karma-kun takes, in another station, on another day, for the path to Oku Tokyo. It's Wednesday, and he had judo. Karma liked judo; he never missed practice for the opportunity to 'take down and knock Asano off of his high horse,' even for her.

And that is fine. He was always waiting for her. She could wait for him this time around.

Or so that's what's been said.

But as she stood there by the gates of Kunugigaoka, trying to ignore the curious looks (there's this one girl though, a little ways next to the gates—she was texting and sending looks Manami's way that looked almost surprised) thrown her way, Manami is fretting. What should I say? And how should she say it? She did not think this through. Stupid mixer! She'd let her feelings take over, and she had no strategies. Manami wrung her hands together. Maybe she should just leave, and he hadn't known she would coming anyway. He'd be none the wiser.

Yes, she'd just leave. There was no need to rush; she had more than a few weeks left, and—

"You there." The shock of being addressed made her jump, and Manami took more than two stumbling steps back until someone grabbed her elbow, pulling her back. She looked up into the eyes of none other than former class 3-A's Asano himself; he was frowning as he let her go, but Manami took one step back nonetheless, nonplussed by his appearance. "You've been standing here for a while. What business do you have?"

"Um," Manami swallowed. She had never interacted with Asano so directly before—he'd always spoken to class 3-E as a whole unit, that, or it was Karma. He doesn't recognize me… Which was good. But why is he here? Didn't he have judo practice, like Karma did? He was in uniform, too! "I'm-I'm waiting for someone."

Asano's stare narrowed. "Someone from this school?" His eyes flicked back to the Kunugigaoka gates, then back to her. "Who are you waiting for? Which school do you go to? You look like a freshman—" His eyes lit up with an idea. "Or perhaps you are interested in transferring? We have requirements, of course—"

So much questions! Manami struggled to come up for answers; the Asano she knew as a student of class 3-E did not coincide with this Asano. Maybe it was because he doesn't actually recognize her, and there was no class 3-E anymore to speak of, but nonetheless, it was strange to be alone in his presence. Nothing like the Asano who controlled the school on the chairman's orders. Nothing like the Asano who Karma fans the fire of rivalry with.

"So which is it?" Even his polite smile is disconcerting. Manami hesitantly smiled back.

"Um, I'm really just… waiting for someone."

Another contemplative look stealed over Asano's face. He is… very curious. Manami watched as he seemed to gain another revelation, eyes determined. "Ah, are you confessing to this someone?"

"No!" Manami blurts, blushing furiously. Was that how she looked like? Oh gods. She never expected to hear that sort of thing from Asano himself. It simply… it's weird. Has he always been so nosy? "You got it all—" She's silenced by how Asano put up a hand, another contemplative look to his face and Manami almost grimaces. Another question?

"Wait, you definitely look familiar now." He hums, leaning into her space to study her—Manami leans back as well, blinking rapidly. Was there any need to get in her space just to verify a familiar face? "I've seen you somewhere, just…"

Standing as close as he is she saw how his bright stare stagnated, and how his polite smile fell—just a bit. Did he realize something unpleasant? Manami would never know what ran through Asano's mind that moment. She could wonder, but she would never guess how he realized the reason of her familiarity.

"Ah, you are the Okuda that Koyama could not shut up about." He straightened up and Manami did too. Koyama talked about her? Probably because you beat him in science, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Karma chimed through her thoughts. She did not feel sorry. "From class 3-E. Correct?"

"That's right," Manami bowed a little. "Hello, Asano-san. It's nice meeting you… um, again."

"I wish I could say the same," he sighs, voice droll and unamused, "but I keep being haunted by you people, and it had to be by the worst of the bunch. Let me guess, you are waiting for him? Akabane?"

Out of courtesy, Manami bit back her amusement and simply nods. Asano crossed his arms.

"Practice is almost over, but not for another hour. "

"That is fine, but I do wonder why you're here and not there, Asano-san."

Mauve eyes narrowed. "Huh. You know about club practice, too?"

"Karma-kun tells me stories. Sometimes you are included." Her smile slipped out, and no matter how Asano scoffed and scowled, she couldn't stop it from spreading. "He doesn't like you very much."

"He's not my favorite person either." He sneered, then his expresion smoothed to one of grudging regard. "But he is a worthy opponent."

"Aha, I knew you praise me behind my back!"

Asano turned around so fast that Manami was more surprised by the action than the sudden appearance of Karma himself; he looked wild, his uniform looking ragged (or hastily put on?), with his hair mussed and damp. Arms akimbo, Karma grinned at them, and already Manami could feel one of hers surfacing to her mouth.

"You didn't say anything about missing practice, Asano. Shirking your responsibilities?"

"And you're missing practice, as well. Where do you think you're going?" Asano jibed.

Karma gestured to himself somewhat theatrically. "I think I'd like to mention that unlike someone, my presence actually graced practice today, as I always do." He glanced at Manami, eyebrows rising. "I would like an explanation why the captain missed practice, or I'd have to assume you're harassing Okuda-san."

Asano scowled. "I manage my time well, if that's what you're insinuating!"

"Doesn't look it~"

There's a pause, the seconds of their stare down counted. At the five second mark, Asano clicks his tongue as Karma harrumphs, smirking. Manami keeps her thoughts, watching. It's fascinating to watch Karma and Asano interact up close without the weight of class 3-E and histories to reflect on. This is high school, and while many things have changed, Manami thinks, this remains constant.

"Shoo now, Asano. I'll take over from here." Karma made dismissive motions as he approached her. "Lucky you. If you spent another second here you would have been poisoned."

They share a look, and she smothers the urge to laugh when she reads the mirth in his stare, though—what exactly did he mean? Not the surface one taken at face value; no, the one that simmered and went under and hid behind external cues. She looks at Asano, but he looked just as confused.

"The only poisonous thing here is your presence." He scoffs, turns, and surprises Manami when he gives her a nod. "Good day, Okuda-san."

"L-Likewise, Asano-san," she bows, but he is already walking away before she even finished, and Karma's arm went around her shoulders the moment she straightens. The warmth of his closeness as he pressed her to his side is constant, too.

His question is both teasing and speculative. "Fraternizing with the enemy?"

"No," Manami reddens. "He's… Asano-san is very… chatty. I couldn't keep up. Is he always so curious?"

"Curious?" He snorts. "More like nosy. He was worse last year—total breach of confidentiality, and it's always Korosensei this, Korosensei that. You'd think he wouldn't pry since it was class 3-E, but no. He just had to be Mr. Have-To-Know-It-All."

Manami laughs under his arm, and they start walking; his arm slides off to offer it to her instead. That's new, Manami observes. She takes it anyway. "So, anyway," he starts. "S'not everyday you find yourself back here… don't you have research today?"

"I asked for a leave."

Karma made a surprised noise. "Really? You…" As he trailed off she looked up at him, sees the redness of his ears. She tried not to let one of her own rise, but fails. Somehow, she thinks he meant to finish that with waited for me? And if he did ask maybe she would have said yes. "I mean, you don't usually do that. Why?"

Manami picks at the cloth of his jacket where her fingers rest. How should she say it? Had Asano not come as a distraction she would have pieced together something acceptable as a form of explanation.

She found herself stalling. "B-But how did you know I was here?"

"A classmate told me," Karma waved his phone in the air. "She said you've been waiting here for a while now. Why didn't you just call me? Or… did you want to surprise me?" His teasing grin sent her cheeks ablaze.

No sense in preparations. The words pour out, and they stop walking. "B-Because Riko-chan set me up on a mixer and I wanted to tell you myself before you found out from someone else and—and I never knew about it until this morning, and I can't say no to Riko-chan, no, so I have to go but I really, really don't want to b-but…" She squeezed his arm just as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" He ruffles her hair, knowing she hated it and even then she couldn't muster up her annoyance. Her eyes opened, but they remained downcast. "Hey, come on. Why are you so down? It's just a friendly gathering, no?"

"But… it's a mixer." Manami stressed, finally looking back at him. She couldn't say what Ayasegawa said. They're free to see other people. "And mixers are commonly meant to socialize with people you could be potentially interested in and—"

"—having a good time." Karma interrupts. He looks around, then he tugs her to a shady area for some semblance of privacy, wedged between a closed retail store and a notice board. He keeps her there, unable to escape nor look away, and her mouth is dry. "Okuda-san, didn't we promise to take it slow?"

Manami sighs. "We did." For my sake.

"It's just a mixer, not a date. It's a group of people, not just two." He laughs lightly. "You don't have to worry about me. It's okay. And if you're not comfortable anymore, just call me. When is this anyway?"

"The 31st."

Karma blinks. "The same day as our reunion? How though?"

"I can make it." She looked at him with conviction. "There's no way I'll miss it."

His eyes shine, then soften. "Good. Then no worries then. Double fun for you, with the mixer and all."

"I still feel like it's wrong," Manami mumbles, slanting her gaze to his shoes, her cheeks reddening. "And you don't know what Riko-chan said."

"What did she say?"

Her hands clenched. "That we're free to see other people, and—" Manami swallows, and grabbed his hands in both of hers. "Karma-kun, the truth is I can't. I-I don't know how to explain it, but I can't. It's like… seeing other people for the purpose of companionship, somehow unless it's not you… I don't think I can. I can't. And you know that things like love and all of that, it's not so easy for me—I'm not easy, I know that, but…"

She knew her explanation was pathetic, but his smile remains soft. "I'm still here?"

"Yes." She breathes, and almost jumps when his hand moved in hers to grip back. She looked at it in wonder. "Why are you still here?"

"Same reason as you." He grinned. "I can't. Plus… there aren't a lot who could all of this awesomeness now, can they?"

She hears his unspoken I trust you and suddenly it's all too hard to breathe. Manami swallows the welcome surge of relief that sent her heart racing. "Oh."

"So I guess we're stuck with each other." Karma shrugs, then he pulls her close. Manami leans into him, and almost melts as he loops both arms around her shoulders. He cannot hide behind a cool facade as his heart raced against her ear. "I said it before. It's you or nothing."

"You did."

"Are you getting there?"

"I think so."

"Then I have nothing to worry about." Manami hesitates, then puts her arms around him as well, squeezing. Karma laughs against the crown of her head. "Gosh, this is what I live for. That sounded almost like a confession, Okuda-san."

Manami still hears what he is allowing her to hear. He was jesting, but there is caution. She decided she'd like to hear what she wanted to hear from him. "You can call me Manami, Karma-kun."

He falls silent. Manami lets go to take a look at him, wondering if she'd been too forward again. She was ready to apologize (again), that was until—

"Manami."

Oh. He said it. Her face flamed, her mouth opened, closed, and she nodded, unable to do anything else. The blush just deepened under his warm stare, and she was unable to look at him in the eye any longer. Yet another thing she's unprepared for; the ease of how he says it, and how much she liked it. It's just my name! Get it together!

It's easy, because she does not know how often he is left alone to practice the pauses and rises to her name, each carefully worded syllable, said with utmost care. Ma-na-mi. Manami. She does not know that when he says "Okuda-san" it is Manami in his head, and he couldn't count how much he'd almost slipped up because of this.

She'd never know it, but Karma would let it be. Today, she was finally Manami.

"D-Do you want to go to the okonomiyaki place?" She says slowly, after a sufficient time and stewing her courage together, and Karma's face brightens.

"Of course."

He was looking at her, waiting for answers, but all Manami could think about is how she could remember the last time she's had this sensation. The tightness in her chest, the queasy turning of her stomach and the stormy confusion in her head—the feeling similar to that of 10 years ago, when five year old Manami had been pulled out school by her father because her mother collapsed.

Or, according to her pale-faced father, "Mom's in the hospital because she passed out."

He had desaturated the definition of 'collapsed' to something simpler so her five year old mind could understand. And Manami did understand, and she also understood that her very pregnant mother, collapsing, meant bad things. And so the feelings surfaced, roiling and foreign and invasive, made her grip her father's hand so tightly back; it was the first time little Okuda Manami had felt such intense feelings. At the time, the only word she could associate those feelings with was 'bad,' and that she never wanted to feel it again.

Her parents were simple, too. While her father knew to let her down gently, her mother is blunt to the point of being acerbic and hurtful. But that wasn't her intention; she simply wanted to be direct to the point. So when she's told she wasn't going to be a big sister anymore, Manami just nods, even if she'd wanted to cry.

Manami understood those words, and understood just how powerful words really were if wielded efficiently.

"Oh."

Maybe it's why she did so badly in language arts and literature. In expressing herself. It was easy for her to be simple and direct to the point; why be subtle, why beat around the bush, why be ambiguous? Granted, it took time to yield results (and very contradictory to her nature), but Manami knew every second spent in inactivity is time that could have been used to do something else worthwhile. It was living in a fast world with so little time and so much to do—there was no time for language nuances. It was going all out or nothing.

Then came Korosensei. "To deceive someone, you must know your opponent. You must plan out your words. The power of language is a necessity to skillfully deliver poison." Manami would never forget those words, how they saturated and desaturated in her mind, simple, effective. It was something as simple as that old adage: sticks and stones may break my bones but words can't hurt me—except Manami knew that words can hurt, how they can cut deep and poison the mind with all sorts of harmful ideas. Maybe that was what Korosensei meant—there were words meant to kill, and words meant to save.

A hand brushed her face, and Manami starts. She was no longer looking at the memory of her sharp-eyed mother and smiling ghosts of teachers, but at the golden eyed Karma, whose eyes remain trained on hers even though she's spent a few minutes retreating to a world of her own again. And then in her chest there's a rush of warmth for him, through the mess of her feelings and the urge to flee. Karma was waiting for an answer, waiting for her to come back.

Swallowing her nerves, she pushed back against those invasive feelings that threatened to swallow her whole as her hands refused to settle down and stop shaking. For once, Manami thinks, for once let me do this for Karma-kun's sake! Hands grab hers and trapped them, stilling them. She looked at Karma, committing the patient, encouraging smile on his face to her memory, lets her abnormally fast-paced heartbeat—tachycardia?—take its time to calm. And tries again.

"Karma-kun…" She paused to breathe in deep, then squared her shoulders. It is easy to be simple. Karma deserved simple and honesty and explanation. "I don't know what to feel. And… I don't know what to think. I don't know what I should do, but…"

"But…?"

Manami turns their hands over, moves so it's his hands being held in hers instead. "But, I do know that I don't want to lose you." Ah, a blush spread past to his ears again."Not at all."

"I can't imagine anyone wanting to lose someone like me either," he airily replies, but there Manami hears something brittle and uncertain.

"I don't want to lose you," Manami affirms softly, almost to herself, "but what should I do so I wouldn't lose Karma-kun?"

It was right to worry about that, wasn't it? Before anything else, Karma is her friend. Her partner in crime, her classmate, her confidant. Though the way she felt for him in light of what he felt for her is blurry to her still, he is all those things—Karma is Karma, he is… Karma simply just is. And the thought of not having Karma with her… His hands tighten in hers, too big to be enveloped in her hands and something inside her pinches in a peculiar way.

I want these hands to be always near enough to hold.

"What we will do is take this slow." He ruffles her hair, grinning gently now. "There's no rush. We have a lot ahead of us, Okuda-san. We can't expect to have all of it figured out that fast, right? We need to think. We need plans and strategies, but we must need to be prepared when the plan is not enough."

Manami's voice shakes. "Why are you so patient with me?"

"Haste makes waste, and it's not good to make half-hearted decisions." He sends her a meaningful smirk. "You know that I don't half-ass anything with you, Okuda-san. And I think you'd want to do the same if you ever feel the same way as I do."

He's seated from a safe distance now, but her heart has yet to completely settle, their hands still clasped. It must be because of that look again, and those kind words. Mercurial eyes that only seem to mellow for her alone.

Manami breathes in again, and nods the words, "W-Well, then, please take care of me," leaving her mouth in a single breath even though at the back of her mind it's what he's been doing all this time.

She could only hope to be able to do the same for him soon.

i have this headcanon that manami does not experience romantic/sexual attraction unless she has this really deep emotional connection with the person. that's why manami can't, and to some extent, why karma can't either—though one might argue that it's because he doesn't trust people that easily. this is why i can't write them falling in-love at first sight; it's illogical for them. also, this chapter was a pain to write because i keep losing the drive to write, and by the looks of things on the next draft, chapter 5 would be a bigger pain. well, things we love doing tend to hurt the most, i guess.

on mornings spent swaying to and fro on the train is also found under chuunihans for the series one train ride away on ao3.