Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit/Lord of the Ring books, they (sadly) belong to J. R. R. Tolkien

Chapter Three: Tom, Bert and Bill

"Common"

"Sindarin"

"Khuzdul"

"Black Speech"

For several days they rode, singing songs and joking around as they went. On the fifth night of their journey, they stopped to make camp at a run down house that used to belong to a farmer and his family. The place unsettled Gandalf, who stalked off muttering about having enough of dwarves for one day. Thorin assigned Fili and Kili to watch the ponies, while the others helped Bombur prepare dinner. The dwarves start to eat.

"He's been a long time."

"Who?" Bofur said through a mouthful.

"Gandalf."

"He's a wizard! He does as he chooses. Here, Bilbo, do us a favor: take this to the lads." He walked out balancing three bowls in his hands, completely unaware of the eyes that followed his backside. Reaching the boys, the hobbit sighed, noticing that they were looking around nervously.

"What's the matter?"

"We're supposed to be looking out for the ponies." Kili said, wringing his hands nervously.

"Only we've encountered a slight problem. We had sixteen. Now there's thirteen."

"Daisy, Kex and Bungo are missing." Bilbo growled.

"Nobody steals my pony. This is not going to end well for whoever took them. Which one of you wants to tell Thorin?" The two dwarves shared a panicked look.

"Uhh, no." Fili said. "Let's not worry him. As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into it." Bilbo snorted.

"Which really means that you are too scared to tell your uncle and want me to save you guys." Fili and Kili both frantically nodded their heads, their eyes pleading. "Fine, I'll help you. Something big uprooted these trees."

"That was our thinking." Kili said.

"Something very big, and possibly quite dangerous. You guys should just let me go alone." They ignored him. Fili pointed into the trees

"Hey! There's a light. Over here! Stay down." Sighing, Bilbo placed the bowls on a rock and the three ran into the forest, hiding behind a log when they realized that the light was a fire. Harsh laughter could be heard even from their hiding spot.

"Trolls." Bilbo whispered. Fili and Kili ran towards the fire; the hobbit following them. Bilbo hides behind a tree and sees a massive mountain troll walking toward the fire, carrying a pony under his left arm.

"He's got Minty! They're going to eat them, we have to do something." Kili said. The dwarves made to leap up and over the log when they were pulled back by strong arms and pushed to the ground.

"No, no, no..." Bilbo said. They groaned.

"It's perfectly safe! We'll be right behind you." He shook his head.

"You two are staying here. In fact, I'm not in the mood to take on three trolls tonight without more weapons that just my sword." Bilbo did actually have more weapons on him than that, but they didn't need to know that. "Fili run back and tell the others where we have gone. Kili, you can cover me with your bow. No matter what, do not come into the glade." Kili nodded as his brother took off running out of the forest.

"If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl, once like a brown owl." But the hobbit doesn't hear him, nor does he see the concerned look that is thrown at his retreating back. He is too focused on the trolls. The one that brought the ponies has a blue hat on, another has on a dirty vest and the last one seems to be the cook and is wearing an apron.

"Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don't like like mutton again tomorrow." The cook griped, throwing some greens into the pot. Blue hat slapped him on the back of his head.

"Quit yer' griping. These ain't sheep. These are West Nags" Red vest scowled.

"I don't like horse, Tom. I never have. Not enough fat on them."

"Well, it's better than the little old farmer. All skin and bone, he was. I'm still picking bits of him out of me teeth." The first troll said. Red vest sneezed into the pot they have boiling over a fire.

"Well, that's lovely, it is, a floater. Good job, Bill. "

"It might improve the flavor!" Tom said. Bill stuck his fingers into his nose.

"Ah! There's more where that came from." All the while, Bilbo had creeped along behind them, and had reached the gate that the horses were in. He begins to untie them, but doesn't get very far before he has to duck behind a bush, hiding from a troll that had looked his way.

"I hope you're going to gut these nags. But I like the stinky parts." Bill sighed happily. Bert hits William with his ladle, and William squeals in pain.

"I told you to sit down!" Bilbo turned back to the rope, but failed to notice the hand that came swiping at him, knocking him against a tree.

"Hey look what I-" The hobbit bit the hand holding him, which sent him tumbling down, his ribs burning; he thinks that he might have cracked one. "The little blighter bit me! Help me catch him!" Their prize was no longer there, him having climbed into a tree moments before. Bilbo just hoped that Kili stayed hidden. Which means, of course he didn't.

The moment Kili had seen their burglar getting smashed into the tree, he had charged into the clearing, several other dwarves following behind, attacking the foul beasts. With the trolls sufficiently distracted, Bilbo swung down from the tree, ignoring the pain in his ribs, and freed the ponies from their cage. They ran off into the forest and he started to think that maybe this hadn't been the best idea, and that was before a strangled cry caused him to whip around with his sword drawn. What he saw made his heart drop into his stomach. Two trolls, Bert and Tom, had Kili by the arms and legs, holding him eagle spread like in the air. Despite only knowing the lad for a little over a month, he had grown very fond of him, along with Fili and Ori.

"KILI!" Bilbo screamed. Luckily, several other dwarfs, including Fili and Thorin had yelled at the same time as he, effectively drowning out his voice and keeping him hidden.

"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip his off." Tom said. Most of the dwarfs immediately dropped their weapons, the others just seconds behind. 2 minutes later, all of the dwarfs were in sacks save four, who were slow roasting over the fire. Bilbo had to come up with an idea, and quick.

"Why bother cooking them? Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." Bill whined,

"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." Contented sighs filled the glade.

"Ooh, that does sound quite nice, Bert." Tom whacked him on the back of his head, again.

"Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone." Sheathing his sword, Bilbo started whistling and walked into the clearing as if he hadn't a care in the world. The dwarfs looked at him like he was crazy, though there was a hint of fear for him in their eyes. The trolls just looked confused.

"Who's that?" Bert asked. They other two shrugged.

"I don't know can we eat him, too?" Bilbo forced out a laugh.

"You know, if you want to eat me, you'd have to catch me first. But if you'd rather me show you where you could find more food than you could possibly ever eat, then follow me!" Bilbo stood waiting patiently as the trolls gathered in a circle, talking over his offer as if he couldn't hear every word that they were saying.

"What do you think, Bert?"

"I don't know. Should we follow him, Tom?"

"We should. What if he is telling the truth? As soon as we find this hoard of food, we could just eat him."

"Nice thinking, Tom. And if he's lyin', we can eat him anyway. I'm going, it's not as if the dwarfs can go anywhere."

"Me too."

"I'm coming." The three turned back to the hobbit, who was staring at them innocently.

"Alright, ferret. Show us your glorious piles of food." Sending one last glance over his shoulder at the dwarves, Bilbo smiled at the giant humanoids and beckoned for them to follow him.

"It won't be so long until we get there. Just over this next hill, in fact." That was the last thing the dwarves heard before they could no longer see the hobbit. Thorin wiggled around in his bag until one hand came free and reached out for the knife that Bilbo had thrown to him while the trolls had been busy talking. Cutting himself free, the dwarves made quick work of freeing the others from the sacks. Getting the ones down from the spit, however, proved to be much harder, and took several minutes to set them on their feet without burning them. Gathering up their weapons, the dwarves turned to the direction that Bilbo had led the trolls off in, only to find their way blocked by Gandalf.

"There are only 13 of you; where is our hobbit." Kili wiped at his nose, not at all ashamed of the tears that could be seen pooling in his eyes; he was only 5 years past his majority after all.

"Bilbo saved us from being eaten by drawing the trolls off somewhere that way and giving one of his knifes to Uncle. But now the sun will be coming up soon and the trolls will need to get back to wherever they spend the day, which means that they are going to kill him!" Gandalf chuckled.

"Do not worry, youngling. I have seen Bilbo take out more attackers than that with only a knife."

"Were those attackers over 10 feet tall with skin that probably can't be pierced by just a knife?" Thorin's voice was calm, but they could all hear a line of panic laced into it. Gandalf frowned at the king's question.

"Well, no. I suppose it would be better to find them now." And off they went, none saying anything as they were all to worried about the hobbit.

Bilbo was doing perfectly fine when they finally found him in a valley a few miles away. He had already taken down one troll and was fighting the others. Gandalf held Fili and Kili back from rushing to aid him.

"Do not ever rush into a fight between Bilbo and his foes without him knowing you would be there. He plans everything out in his head beforehand - you joining the fight would only hinder him, as instead of focusing solely on taking down his opponents, he would protect you, even pushing you out of harm's way and taking the injury himself whenever he can." So the dwarves watched and saw that the wizard's words were true. Mesmerised by the grace and agility of the hobbit, they could do little more than stare as he raced towards a troll, ran up him and backflipped off, landing on the head of the other, before plunging his sword into it's skull. They could see that the sun was almost over the hill, yet Bilbo never stopped moving, weaving over the roots that caused the remaining troll to stumble, until finally, the sun peaked over and the trolls, both dead and alive, immediately were turned to stone.

Chest heaving, Bilbo turned away from the defeated trolls, only to wince and grab his ribs, falling to his knees. Without waiting to see if it was okay, Fili and Kili ran down towards him, the others following closely behind. The hobbit nodded at them.

"You guys are late. It took you a lot longer to free yourselves than I originally imagined. I hadn't expected you to find me so soon though." The Company laughed, but Bilbo hissed in pain, causing Oin to kneel beside him, gently pressing his hands to his chest, checking for injuries.

"You're very lucky, nothing seems to be broken, only bruised. Once we get back to the camp I'll bind them for you and you should be good in a couple of days." Nodding his thanks, Bilbo lowered himself to a more comfortable position.

"He'll be fine, then?" Kili asked. At Oin's nod, he reached down and punched Bilbo's arm, startling them all. "What kind of half-brained plan was that, just leaving us while you went off with three MOUNTAIN TROLLS?" Wincing, Bilbo pulled Kili down next to him, throwing his arm over his shoulder.

"Well, alright then. I guess next time I'll just allow you guys to become dinner, how's that sound?" Kili nodded into his shoulder, leaning into the hobbit's embrace with his eyes closed. He was exhausted. While the other dwarves watched as Fili, Kili, Ori, and Bilbo pretended to argue, Thorin turned to Gandalf. The wizard took notice of how the king's body seemed to have relaxed when they saw that Bilbo was alright.

"Where did you go to, if I may ask?"

"To look ahead." The wizard replied.

"What brought you back?"

"Looking behind. Nasty business. Still, you are all in one piece." Thorin had a ghost of a smile across his face.

"Yes, all thanks to your burglar. It seems that there is more to him than meets the eye. I wonder what other things he has up his sleeve."

"Indeed, Thorin." Gandalf smiled. "You haven't even gotten to know Master Baggins." They turned when they heard a chuckle from beside them. Bilbo, with the help of Fili and Kili, was standing next to them.

"Yes, well, if you two are done talking about me, would it be possible to return to camp now? My chest is aching and my belly is empty; I would not object to a warm meal right about now." Blushing, Thorin nodded, and pulled out the knife Bilbo had thrown at him.

"Your dagger, Master Baggins." The hobbit stared so intently at the king that he had to resist the urge to shift his weight. Finally the man nodded.

"It's Bilbo, Master Oakenshield. As for my dagger, keep it. I have plenty more where that came from and who knows? It might one day save your life." With that, Bilbo, Kili and Fili started the trek back to their campsite leaving a stunned Thorin and an amused Balin behind. Tucking the knife into his sleeve, Thorin looked over at the other man, who was watching him with a knowing look in his eyes.

"What?" Balin just shook his head laughing.

"If I have to spell it out for you than there is no hope for you two." He walked down the trail towards the others, leaving Thorin behind staring after him. It was official. He'd only known him for a month and already he was completely head over heels for Bilbo Baggins-Took.

So I just now figured out how to add that line thingy and I am honestly so proud of myself! :) Now I have to go back and edit everything on all of my stories. *sigh*