Massive trigger warning. Read at your discretion.

X

The next morning, Shawn got ready for school as he usually did. He put on his uniform and strapped his watch to his wrist before grabbing his bag and heading down to the kitchen to get his lunch.

"Don't you need to take all those books back to school with you?" Erin asked as she noticed her son carrying what seemed like an empty backpack.

"Nope."

"Okay…" Erin drew out the word. "Do you have everything that you need for the day?"

"Yup."

"Is everything okay?" Erin approached Shawn but before she could get close to him, he was already running to the door. "What about breakfast?!"

"I'm not hungry, I gotta go." Shawn slammed the door behind him before Erin could question him further.

"Did Shawn leave already?" Jay asked as he made his way down the stairs, fresh out of the shower.

"Yeah, he didn't even eat breakfast, said he wasn't hungry." Erin replied with a hint of worry in her voice.

"He left early… did he remember to take his lunch?" Jay commented as he eyed the time. It was unusual for Shawn to be ready to leave the house on time, let alone early.

"He snatched it off the counter quickly before running out of here." Erin replied as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Hey, don't worry. We'll have a talk with him." Jay soothed, sighing deeply as he got a text message. "I'll see you after work." He placed a quick kiss on his wife's lips before heading to the garage door and answering the text simultaneously.

Instead of walking to his bus stop around the corner, Shawn continued to walk. He walked past all the other houses in his suburban neighbourhood and headed deeper into the city. Sneaking into an alley, he waited until the streets cleared of office workers making their commute downtown and school buses that could identify him as a student at his school.

Behind a dumpster, he changed out of his uniform into street clothes—blending in with the rest of the world. He didn't know how he was going to pass time in the day. Maybe he could go to the mall or sneak back home. He just needed to avoid places where he could be recognized. He couldn't afford to get into any more trouble.

Closer to the time that Shawn was due home, he walked into a random drugstore. As he was buying Skittles, he managed to snatch a package of razor blades. He learned how to make himself blend in with the crowd and act natural—as the son of two cops, it was second nature to him.

As he paid for the candy, he slipped the package of razor blades up his sleeve. He made sure to be aware of everyone around him, checking that nobody was watching him. He left the store quickly—stuffing his change and the receipt into his pocket—and ran down the street before pulling the sharp pieces of metal from his sleeve. He inspected it through the package and ran his finger along the sharp edge. The plastic protected his skin from being sliced open.

For now.

He just needed to get home and hide them in his room without his parents snooping or asking questions about why he was so jumpy. He could tell his hands had been shaking during the day and doing anything abnormal in front of them would surely tip them off—they were trained to watch for that.

He followed his regular after-school schedule and managed to have a snack before his mom got home. Hunger wasn't something he felt often anymore—the stresses of his life kept his appetite suppressed and he would only realize of the lack of food in his body when the acid in his stomach started to burn. Sitting down in front of the TV, he mindlessly changed the channels, looking for something to watch. Just as he settled on an episode of his favourite TV show, Erin walked through the door.

"Hey." She kissed his forehead as his eyes stayed glued to the screen. "How was school?"

"Good."

"I gotta get started on dinner, I thought I'd make your favourite?" She asked hopefully. It had been a while since she had seen a smile on his face. "Then maybe after we could just chill for a bit? Together?"

"Yeah, sounds perfect. Thanks, Mom."

"Just let me know if you need anything."

His room was spotless, there wasn't even a speck of dust on any of his furniture; his desk was organized and everything in his closet was draped over hangers nicely.

Dad will be proud.

After dinner, Shawn knew his mom had gone to bed early that night. She had a long week and gave him and hug and kiss goodnight before turning in. His dad was due home any minute—he was working a big case with the FBI and had been coming home at around midnight every day for the past month.

Shawn opened his bedroom door quietly and peeked down the hall, wanting to make sure his mom was asleep. There was no noise coming from the bedroom so he quietly closed his door and made his way over to his bed. He reclined against his pillows and tucked his legs in with the blanket before reaching into his nightstand, pulling out the shiny piece of metal. He inspected it just as he did earlier in the day, only this time he ripped open the packaging to feel the cool metal against his fingers. He flipped it over in his hand a couple of times before running his finger over the edge. He felt the stinging on his nerves as blood immediately pooled and ran down his fingertip.

Taking a deep breath, he didn't think twice before pushing the blade into his inner wrist on his left arm, before repeating the action on his right.

He couldn't describe the pain. It was like a mixture of burning and cooling. He felt relief as he watched the red liquid pour down his forearms—like his internal pain was literally pouring out of him. Shawn's vision began to get spotty and it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open. When his eyelids got too heavy, he stopped fighting. His eyes only fluttered open one last time as he heard the garage door open.

Exhaustion was an understatement of how Jay felt. This case was kicking his ass and he wasn't sure if he even had enough energy to make it to his bed. He locked the car door and made his way into the house, double checking that he closed the garage.

It was dark. He knew Erin would've gone to bed without him tonight, the youth division had their own major case this week and she barely got any sleep. Slowly, Jay made his way up the stairs and towards his bedroom.

He stopped outside of Shawn's bedroom, debating on whether or not to check in on him. The light was diffracting from under the door—no doubt that he was still awake—but Jay honestly didn't have the motivation to strike up a conversation with him this late in the night.

His bed was calling his name.

He'd just have to see Shawn in the morning at breakfast.

He dropped his hand from the doorknob and quietly made his way into his own bedroom, closing the door behind himself gently.

All I want is nothing more

To hear you knocking at my door

'Cause if I could see your face once more

I could die as a happy man I'm sure

- All I Want by Kodaline