A/N: Okay, I'm the worst. I know. It's been over a year and I left this story off with a massive cliffhanger. To tell you the truth, I kinda fell off the wagon with writing and it was the last thing I wanted to do. Then summer came around and I randomly crunched out like maybe 6 chapters of this? I never got around the posting because I started thinking (and doubting this story) about another way this story could go, but I decided against going that path since I already had so much of this already written. Maybe in the future I will write another fic that is similar to this with that scenario, but for now we must experience pain. I'm so evil. If there are any grammatical errors or if something doesn't make sense, I apologize. I've been looking at this doc so often that my mind has adapted to what's written so my eyes may not notice any errors.

If you ever want to reach out about anything, or if you're struggling, by all means contact me. I don't judge and sometimes all we need is someone to listen. Other than that, I again recommend you read at your own discretion.

Jay couldn't sleep.

Something felt wrong. Did he forget to do something? Was the garage door closed? Did he check the front door? Did he brush his teeth?

He was dead tired. How was he not asleep yet?!

After adjusting his position in bed for the umpteenth time, Jay felt Erin's arms snake around his waist before she cuddled into his chest.

"Go to sleep, babe. You've had a long week." Erin's voice was deep from sleep and exhaustion.

"I'm restless, my mind needs time to wind down." Jay whispered. "Maybe I should go watch TV downstairs or something?"

"Just take some deep breaths and close your eyes, you'll be asleep in no time."

"Yeah…" Jay followed Erin's directions and in a few minutes, he could feel himself succumbing to sleep safely in his wife's arms.

"JAY!" He was in the kitchen making breakfast when he heard his wife's panicked screams. Rushing up the stairs two at a time, he stopped at his son's bedroom door when he saw Erin leaning over the bed. "Jay, please. Do something." She begged, tears flowing steadily down her cheeks.

Trying to stay calm at the sight of the scene, Jay first searched for a carotid pulse knowing it would be useless. His son's skin was pale—almost grey—he was wasting time being stuck in his stupor. Pulling out his phone, he quickly dialled 9-1-1. "This is Sergeant Jay Halstead, badge number 51163. I need an ambulance at my house ASAP!" He yelled into his phone, sense finally coming to him as he tightly held onto Shawn's right wrist.

"What's the nature of the injury?" The dispatcher asked.

"My-my son. He slit his wrists. Please just hurry." He pleaded. His heart was beating hard—it was the only thing he could hear other than Erin crying.

Everything after that was a blur.

The paramedics arrived with a stretcher, quickly getting Shawn onto the backboard and then into the ambulance. Both Jay and Erin piled in, watching the paramedic perform chest compressions over and over again while keeping an eye on the heart rate monitor, flatlining. The ride to the hospital felt agonizingly long, the seconds going by feeling like hours. There was a look in the paramedics eyes that made Jay want to throw up—he knew he had had that look in his own too many times.

The doors opened abruptly and the stretcher was pulled out of the ambulance quickly. Looking up, Erin noticed Will and Natalie hopelessly standing and watching Dr. Rhodes take over compressions.

Once they had gotten into the trauma bay and Shawn was attached to heart rate monitors, there was a heaviness that filled the room.

"He's asystole." Those words stopped Connor from continuing compressions as he hesitantly looked around the room filled with his team. He couldn't bare to look at Jay and Erin who stood outside of the exam room.

"Does anyone object?" The silence that filled the room was enough of an answer. "Time of death…" He looked down at the watch on his right wrist. "7:31." In his periphery, he saw Erin collapse, only to be held up by both Jay and Will. When Rhodes finally looked over, he noticed the blood on both Jay and Erin's clothing and hands. There were tourniquets placed on both of Shawn's forearms—helping to staunch any blood that he had left in his body—and judging by the cloth material used, it was evident that Jay had tied them.

Peeling off his gloves, Dr. Rhodes approached Jay and Erin with a sombre expression. "I'm sorry." He put his hands in his pockets before walking away, Erin's pleas and screams for them to do something—anything—to bring her baby back to her.

That sound would haunt him for days, he was sure of it. He couldn't wait to get home to wrap his arms around his own children that night.

They sat stoically in the plastic seats at the hospital surrounded by their family and teams. The nurses were preparing and settling Shawn in a room so that they could say goodbye before the autopsy would take place.

The temperature in the room dropped as Dr. Rhodes made his way towards Jay and Erin. They were still covered in blood, neither of them had the energy or desire to stand at the sink and wash away the last part of their son they currently had left.

Connor cleared his throat to gain the attention of the couple and when he noticed everyone's eyes on them, he led Jay and Erin to a more private area. He really didn't want to tell them about what he had learned. This was the worst part about being a doctor—having to deliver news that would absolutely crush the family.

"Jay, Erin. I'm sorry but there's no easy way to say this." Dr. Rhodes took another deep breath before continuing. "On Shawn's body, there is evidence that he sustained abuse." He couldn't bare to look at the emotion on Erin's face, so he maintained eye contact with Jay. "We have an autopsy scheduled even though we know that it's not the cause of death."

"H-how do you know? That he was abused." Jay spat out as if the word was toxic. "We never put our hands on him!"

"Hey, I know. But there is a lot of bruising on his upper body that needs to be investigated." Connor wasn't done. "One more thing. There was evidence that Shawn tried to stop the bleeding on his own." Dr. Rhodes rushed out.

"What?!" Erin said, her voice clouded with emotion. "What does that mean?"

"In one of his lacerations, we found a crumpled up napkin. It looks like he was trying to stop the bleeding. He likely passed out too quickly to make a difference though."

"Wh-what time did he—" Jay left the sentence up in the air as he searched Connor's face for any cue that this was all some kind of sick joke.

"We're not sure, but based on the amount of blood loss, I'd say in the late hours of the night. Sometime after midnight."

Jay felt as if someone was squeezing his chest. He couldn't get any air in or out of his lungs. He knew he should've checking in on Shawn last night. I'm such an idiot. It's all my fault. As he turned his head to look over at Erin, fresh tears were making their way steadily down her cheeks. He knew he'd have to tell her eventually, but now wasn't the right time. Right now, he needed to stay strong for his wife.

I didn't know today would be our last

Or that I'd have to say goodbye to you so fast

I'm so numb, I can't feel anymore

Prayin' you'd just walk back through that door

And tell me that I was only dreamin'

You're not really gone as long as I believe

Jealous of the Angels by Jenn Bostic

XXXXXX

Don't forget to review ;)