They both returned to work after that. Erin mindlessly sat at her desk, watching her team work on their current case from her office.
She was the sergeant for the youth division in one of the biggest cities in the United States yet she was too blind to notice the turmoil her son lived in. He was being abused by someone and she didn't notice!
Should I even be doing this job?
Her thoughts were interrupted when Adam Ruzek knocked on her office door and let himself in. She wasn't in the mood for having a conversation, but she knew Adam wouldn't leave her alone in a time like this.
He had transferred over to the youth division with Erin—being her right hand man—while Kim stayed with Intelligence. He and Kim were the first two people to find out about Erin's pregnancy almost 17 years ago, when Jay and Erin had asked them to be Godparents.
Adam closed the door behind him—giving them some privacy—and sat down in one of the chairs opposite her desk. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say, but he knew that Erin needed someone to lean on.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before she broke the negatively charged tranquility.
"You know he was being abused?" Her watery gaze made eye contact with Ruzek's stunned one. "He had cracked ribs and we didn't even know." She tried to gather herself, but failed. "H-how am I supposed to call myself an ally with youth when I didn't even see what was going on under my nose?! How am I supposed to do my job after this?!" She was hysterical now. "H-h-how…" She didn't finish her question as she felt Adam's arms wrap around her. She cried into his chest, surprised that she still had any tears left.
Jay sat in his office, ignoring everything going on beyond the door. His eyes were focused on his computer, going through records of students at the school. He didn't get all this information in the most legal way, but he didn't care. He needed to get some names.
He looks down at the white watch around his wrist—the one he had gifted to his son—before shaking away the memory of that day and returning his attention to his research.
Intelligence had been working a very high profile case for the last month and needed all hands on deck. They were close to solving it, with the FBI's help. Jay ignored the hustle and bustle outside his office and didn't even notice that everyone had hastily vacated the bullpen.
It wasn't until Commander Platt knocked on his door later that evening that he noticed that the sun was no longer in the sky. He stood as she let herself into his office and sat down after she had taken up one of the seats in front of his desk. They didn't speak for what felt like the longest time—he couldn't find any words.
"Halstead, you need to go home." Platt said calmly. Her eyes flicked down to the accessory around his wrist before meeting his gaze again. "Take some time. Be with Erin."
"I'm good." Jay stated flatly.
"Jay, you need to get your head in the game and right now, you're not doing anyone any favours by being here."
"I-I don't know what else to do." He quickly blinked away the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "This is all I have left."
"Right now, you need to take time to grieve. Intelligence should be the least of your worries." Platt stood up, signalling that there was to be no conversation on the matter. She watched Jay slowly stand up and exit his office, his head hanging down. As Platt watched him leave, she debated on whether telling him of the news she heard. She knew it would crush him, but better that it came from her instead. "Jay…one more thing." She waited until he turned around and made eye contact with her. "Both you and Erin are being investigated for Shawn's death."
The blood was still there.
Neither of them had called a carpet cleaning service yet.
As soon as they had gotten home, Erin made her way to Shawn's room again. She stood in the middle, looking around at her surroundings. It was the last place where her baby had been alive.
Everything had been cleaned up and put in it's own space. Usually, his room looked like a tornado had gone through it.
Another sign she had missed.
She sat down on the bed and opened the top drawer to his bedside table, intending to find out why her son was in so much pain. Inside, she rummaged through his belongings. Right on top of the pile was a package of half-eaten Skittles, along with the packaging that housed the matching, unused razor blade. She took a hold of it, feeling the cold metal in her fingers. Just as her son had done. She flipped it around a couple of times before softly placing it down on the hard surface of the table. Her eyes were drawn to something colourful under a few pieces of paper and she pulled it out of the drawer.
The tears she had been holding back fell freely down her cheeks as she looked down at the image. It was a picture from when Shawn was eight years old.
He was missing his two front teeth but he smiled wide for the camera, with both Jay and Erin on either side of him. She remembered that day like it was yesterday. Shawn and his soccer team were playing for a gold medal in the city's finals. He had a medal around his neck that was so long that it reached his hips and was proudly holding a trophy. He scored two goals that day and had been so excited.
Jay entered the room when he heard Erin's cries. It had felt like forever ago when he last saw her dimples and the light shining in her eyes. Cautiously, he approached her and sat down next to her on the bed, looking at the photo in her hand.
He wished for anything to go back to that day. Life had seemed so simple back then—it was happier.
"How did I not know? How did we not know?" Erin begged her husband for an answer.
Jay sighed deeply as he ran his fingers across his forehead. His throat felt raw and dry, words barely making their way out his lips. "I don't know, babe. I don't know."
Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, enfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Breathe Me by Sia
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