Jay straightened his black tie before pulling on his blazer over his crisp white dress shirt. He walked out of the bathroom towards his polished dress shoes, making note of Erin pulling on her heels.

He never imagined a day like this—a day where he would be getting dressed for his son's funeral.

Parents aren't supposed to bury their children.

Quietly, he made his way down the stairs and waited for Erin to finish getting ready. They had barely spoken to each other the past few days, there seemed to be nothing that needed to be said. While he waited, he grabbed the umbrella they kept in the closet near the front door. It reminded him of his mother's funeral—it rained that day too.

The ride to the cemetery was filled with Erin's occasional sniffles and it pained Jay that he couldn't do anything to help. He reached his hand over the console towards her own, squeezing it gently. He hoped it would bring her some semblance of solace.

They were the first ones to arrive meaning they got the closest parking spot to where the funeral would be held. Slowly, they walked hand in hand towards all the chairs being set up. The hole in which the casket was to be lowered had already been dug, the dirt piled neatly next to it.

There was no headstone.

Unexpected deaths meant that the headstone wouldn't be ready for a few months.

Jay sighed deeply. He wasn't sure if he could do this. He didn't want to be there.

It was nice having people over at their house afterwards. For the first time in what felt like forever, it wasn't quiet. Their guests made quiet conversation and ate from the assortment of food. Their dining table was full of flowers and cards, but they honestly didn't want them. They didn't want any of it.

The one thing they wanted would never come back.

Jay looked over towards the large bay window where Erin stood with a glass of red wine in her hand. There was nobody else around her and he wasn't surprised—everyone was walking on eggshells around both of them.

When he approached her, he noticed that her eyes lingered on the neighbours kids playing a game of soccer. Jay's heart broke at the sight—but it wasn't from only witnessing his wife. His memory went back to the photo Erin had been holding the other night.

Slowly, Jay approached Erin, clearing his throat slightly to make her aware of his presence. She didn't turn around, but she knew he was there. He walked up next to her, also watching the kids playing. He wrapped his arm around his wife—feeling a little bit content as she snuggled into him—as they both blocked out the noise around them.

It had been a few days since the funeral and the emotions in the Halstead house were strained.

Jay and Erin seemed to bicker more often, and it wasn't their usual playful banter. Every little thing seemed to tick off the other person, they had never been so impatient with each other. There had been a lot of fights lately, and they both knew the tension was being reflected at work—whenever they could sneak back against orders.

On a night off for the both of them, Jay cooked some pasta while Erin sat at the breakfast bar, drinking a beer. Her eyes burned the back of Jay's head, and he could feel the wheels turning in her head without even turning around. He was hesitant to ask her what was on her mind considering anytime they had talked lately, they fought. So he kept quiet and stirred the tomato sauce in the pan.

There were a few more minutes of silence, before Erin broke it.

"You know…" Her voice was raspy—tired. "If we didn't work so fucking much, maybe he'd be here right now."

Jay picked up his head slightly, alarmed by her confession. He had thought about that over and over again. Maybe if he wasn't a cop—or a sergeant—he would've been able to give his son the time he wanted—needed. He let a sigh escape from his mouth before turning off the stove to face his wife. He wasn't going to say anything. There was nothing for him to say that would comfort her.

"When we first started dating, you always mentioned how your father never took the time to get to know you—to spend time with you. You were afraid of being like him." There was anger laced in Erin's words. She knew she was taking it out on the wrong person, but Jay was an easy target right now. He was vulnerable. "And for some fucking reason, I convinced you that you wouldn't be. That you'd be amazing. What happened to that, huh?"

"Erin…" Jay replied weakly, hurt by her words.

"I never wanted kids." She shook her head, willing the tears to go away from her eyes. "But you always wanted to be the knight in shining armour. You convinced me differently. Well look where it got us. We're just as bad as the people who raised us. No, we're worse. We actually survived. Our kid is dead." Erin finished off her beer in a gulp, slamming the bottle down on the countertop. She was surprised it didn't shatter in her hand. "It's all our fault that he's dead." Her last words were whispered out.

"You know, the night he died?" Jay asked, tears already making their way down his cheeks. "You were fast asleep. Oblivious to what he was going through." If she wanted to hurt him, why couldn't he? He wasn't going to be her punching bag when he was already beating himself up over everything. "He was going through all this pain and you had no idea. But you want to know what's worse? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S BEEN FUCKING EATING ME ALIVE EVERY BREATH I FUCKING TAKE?! HE SLIT HIS WRISTS AT MIDNIGHT AND I COULD'VE HELPED HIM IF I WENT INTO HIS ROOM THAT NIGHT! But I didn't." His voice softened. More tears slucied down his cheeks. "I didn't because I just wanted to get into bed and go to sleep. I was too tired to check in on him." Stubbornly he wiped away his tears, anger seething out of him. "I didn't even fall asleep right away. Remember that? It was something telling me to get my ass out of bed. I had so many chances to go into his room and see him. But I didn't. It's my fault he's dead."

"Jay…" Erin had been surprised by his confession. She didn't know he had been carrying that guilt within himself. She felt like a total ass. "I'm sor—"

"No. You don't get to say you're sorry. I need some space from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Erin asked, her voice breaking.

"I'm gonna go check in to a hotel. I don't want to be here—not when I have to walk past his room everyday, not when you're being a bitch. I'm grieving too, okay? Get that through your fucking head." With that statement, Jay stormed upstairs and quickly packed a duffle bag and grabbed all his necessities.

All Erin could do was sit on the couch, crying, before watching him leave through the door. The sound of the door slamming immediately triggers a memory from her childhood. She can remember the back of her father's head after he left her and Bunny after a drunken tirade. That was the day that Erin vowed to herself that she would never marry a man like her father—she didn't want her man to walk away when things got hard. She wanted a man that would unconditionally love their children; a man that would take care of everything.

Maybe her time to have that had run out.

He never walks away

He never asks for money

He takes care of me

He loves me

Piece by piece, he restores my faith

That a man can be kind and the father could, stay

Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson

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I know I should've posted something else especially with all the stress going on in the world, but I wanted to update my fics as much as possible. Please don't hate me too much! Please leave me a review!

P.S. Wash your hands and stay home!