I jump as Draco calls out entering my study, and I hastily shut the drawer back, silently recasting the locking charms.
"You ready to – Hermione, are you okay?" his voice is laced with concern. "You look pale."
"Just – fine." I attempt to smile casually, but it comes out a bit forced. "I've been looking over my campaign. A shock, I suppose, it's all I've ever worked for."
He eyes me warily, looking from me to my desk and back. "Right, well, it's 15 till your appointment. We'd best be going, dear."
We make our way into the living room to floo out to St. Mungo's.
"Hermione Granger," Draco announces to the witch behind the desk, and she proceeds to direct us to where we'll be needing to go.
"They informed me they'll be scanning my brain in an attempt to see any damage that may keep my memories locked away. They're hopeful that they can restore them if they can find why this happened. It's one thing to lose all memories but less common to lose only a chunk of time. I could be back to normal soon." I ramble on weakly as we walk to our destination.
Draco hums in acknowledgment, apparently not allowing himself to be too hopeful. We enter the room, and I'm taken aback to see Padma Patil greeting us.
"Hermione. Draco." she nods to each of us, respectively.
"I didn't know – or likely forgot you went into medicine."
"Forgot." She smiles, sympathetically. "Right, then. As I'm sure you're aware, this appointment is to try and get a clearer glimpse into your brain now that you've had time to heal and settle. We'll see if we can't find a solution to get you back into the race for Minister. Britain could really use you. Any questions before we start?"
She directs me to the table, and my nerves are on end. Hoping that this can be behind me soon. I need to know what is going through this Hermione's head. Hiding threats instead of talking to the Head Auror, my best friend. What good could I have possibly thought I was doing? All I did was put myself in danger.
"Cerebrum Inspectionem," Padma mutters as she moves her wand to the side of my head. "Proicere Imagini."
She brings forth a projection of my brain and enlarges it for us. "Things look well, considering." She hums. "The case of your memories, however." She pauses as she moves the spell around. "Do you happen to know Occlumency?"
"I - I'm not sure. I must because I've used it since my accident and I didn't know it in the parts of my life that I remember."
Draco allows me to finish. "She does. She's very skilled, I trained her once it became rumored that Shaklebolt planned to retire early. Occlumency is crucial for a government official to know."
I'm gaping at him and recover quickly.
"There you have it."
Why? Does my Occlumency have something to do with my memories?"
"Here we will have to traverse from fact into guesswork, but it appears as if you started to shut down your mind, from the attack I assume, should your security have been breached. As you were pulling up your shields, must have been when your head smacked into the marble. Here you see the impact. It's healed, of course, but you will always be able to see the evidence of that fall on a scan."
She points to a white area where my head was impacted. "You can see here where the white spreads like streams throughout your brain, blocking and surrounding certain parts of your brain. It's not as severe in coloring as your injury, so I'm fairly certain that these memories aren't lost to you. At least, not permanently." She smiles softly at me and squeezes my hand.
"Guesswork? That's the best you can give us?" Draco growls sourly.
Her voice is clipped as she turns a harsh gaze to him. "Yes, Mr. Malfoy. Guesswork. Highly skilled guesswork, if you please. I can not back this claim as fact as I was not in your fiancée's mind while she was under attack."
She ends the spell and turns to me, returning to her soft expression as she begins to question me.
"Any tenderness? Blurry vision? Nausea? Dizziness?"
"No, no, no, and no."
"That pretty much concludes what we can do for you today. I'll be sending this scan to some colleagues of mine, with your permission here, of course. We'll begin research to formulate a potion allowing your mind to release your memories."
I sign Padma's release forms, eager for my life back, realizing that'll include Draco. Sneaking a glance at Draco, I find his head in his hands as if in prayer and feel a pang for him. The woman he loves is gone, even if for only the time being. She's gone because of what she was hiding. What I was hiding.
Padma and I shake hands. As I thank her, I turn to find Draco rounding the corner out of the door. I smile sheepishly back at Padma and take off. I have to jog to catch up, his long strides already putting him halfway down the hall. I reach him and grab his arm.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
Draco pulls his arm from my grip and lets out a frustrated growl. He buries his face in his hands then runs them through his hair, looking everywhere but at me.
"I miss my fiancée, okay, Granger?"
I scowl. "I a-"
He eyes me as if to issue me not to challenge him further.
"You're not. Physically, you are. But mostly, you're not." He clenches his teeth and takes a deep breath. "I miss my Hermione. We had a future planned together, and now I'm floating on borrowed time. I can tell you wish you'd have woken up engaged to anyone but me. You were mine, and I just want my fiancée back. I miss our conversations. Kissing you without seeing a moment where your self-loathing is all over your face. Telling you, 'I love you' and hearing it back even though I don't deserve it. I miss your passion, hearing about your day at work, dinners with you, planning our wedding for once you're Minister. The-"
His cheeks tinge pink, and he snaps his mouth shut. He looks into my eyes, and I feel like he can see straight to my soul.
"So you see, I'm kind of pissed. It's not like I can be mad at you, and the Aurors still aren't any closer to finding out who ordered this attack, so it's just been eating at me with nowhere to go."
He shakes his head, turning sharply, leaving me dumbfounded at his kind words with an aggressive tone.
I can feel a heat creep up my neck at his suggestion that he can't be mad at me. I should have never kept those threats hidden. Again, I wonder what could have possessed me to think I could handle this alone.
I know I certainly wished for anyone but him upon finding out, but do I really still feel the same? Not to say I've fallen in love with Draco Malfoy, but I don't find purchase on wondering why we were ever together.
I feel a mixture of frustration and confusion at the words he spoke, and I'm not quite sure how I should feel at this moment. I know for sure, however, that I don't want to leave our conversation like this.
I take off running after him, cursing his long strides once again as I struggle to keep up.
"I don't!" I almost shout, breathing heavily from my sprint.
He turns around, lifting an eyebrow with curiosity. "Pardon?" he asks.
I tilt my chin up slightly, hoping to exude more confidence this way. I fight to even my breath,
"I don't hate you," I say calmly "or myself."
Draco looks at me with a mixture of confusion and amusement, seeming to not understand I'm speaking of his accusations from a few minutes earlier.
"You said when you kiss me, you see self-loathing," I snap, "maybe at first, yes, but could you blame me? How would you feel waking up, thinking you're 20 years old, and your life is one way, only to find you're missing eight bloody years that apparently were the best years of my life!"
I expected Draco to snap a retort at me, but instead, his expression softened. "Best years of your life?" He seems hopeful at this statement.
"Well, I can't remember," I smile sheepishly, "but it seems it would be so."
Draco chuckles, running his tongue along the edge of his teeth as he looks everywhere but at me.
"They were the best years of my life," he says softly.
The urge to kiss him for this statement is overwhelming. Unknowing what possessed me to do so, I throw myself forward, planting my lips onto his with brute force, smacking our teeth together accidentally. He stumbles slightly, seeming prepared to feign off an attack for a moment. He relaxes after a split second, snaking his hand into my hair as I into his. Our tongues swirl together in an intricate pattern as I drink in the entire experience of kissing Draco Malfoy. His kiss sends a wave of electricity through me, and I forget that we are still at St. Mungo's. Everything around us doesn't exist to me at this moment, because right now, he is the only thing I care about.