A/N: Sorry this chapter isn't as long as the others. Still, I hope you enjoy. Be kind. I feel this chapter is a little ruff. Please let me know what you think anyway-Please R&R!

Chapter 46

Mutual Destruction

Merlin's mind was in chaos. Morgana's needs and demands collided with his own resistance and borrowed magic. Omari, and both James and Ranoue had tried to help him, and it did help strengthen parts of himself that the poisonous bond tired to tear down, but ultimately it was up to Merlin to fight his way free. He was Emrys for Gods sake. He was more powerful than a mad High Priestess, Damn it!

But that made no difference- this was archaic magic at work and he was still young and inexperienced when it came to ancient spells.

Ominous clouds, darker than the disappearing night around them began to gather in the brightening sky, the dawn only hours away. The wind began to howl along with his mental struggle. He was drowning. He didn't know witch way was up and he didn't care all that much if he resurfaced.

Merlin fell to his knees, hands griping his hair in tight fists. He felt like he was going to explode. He couldn't contain it and he didn't want to, so he didn't. Merlins arms fell to his side and he tossed his head back and let loose an agonized bellow from deep within his belly. He let the wind carry away the frustration, hopelessness, fear and pain. Thunder rumbled accenting his anguished howl in an eerie display of power.

He felt and heard an echoing roar farther in the distant forests beyond Camelots borders. The answering bellow seemed to calm something deep and ancient in him, something he hadn't realized was there before. He held onto it, channeled it and embraced it for all he was worth.

He felt Morgana in his thoughts, roaming around in his mind. She brushed up against his mind but was unable to access it. She clawed and screamed at him. Desperate to break past his defenses. She was a banshee wailing at the walls of his mind. She cursed and commanded that he let her in. She wanted him follow her in to hell. Her compulsions pushed at him. It scrambled something in him. She was strong and it was difficult before to disobey, but now it was as if the synapses in his brain were misfiring. The lines in his head that separated right from wrong, good from bad, friend from foe, blurred and blended until there was only what was in front of him, nothing more, nothing less-

Merlin didn't know what he was doing any more. He had felt Morganas compulsion to kill Omari lessen the farther he got from her, but it still tugged at him, demanded he finish the job. It took everything in him to walk away from her and not turn around. He let his knees sink into the cold earth and let it ground him. The winds died down, the clouds cleared and the thunder vanished as if none of it happened.

Morgana kept her assault up as he kept pacing away from the woman he stabbed. Merlin did his best to stand against her, but he was so tired and verging on madness and she was a dark and beguiling abyss he could get lost in. almost wanted to, it would be simpler to just give in and not fight her any longer. So easy. The guilt of all he has done made it so.

With one last enraged screech, Morgana shoved at the shield. She felt his emotions rise up inside her. Tasted each emotion on the back of her tongue. Rage. Despair. Guilt. There is only one way you can ease your guilt, Merlin. Morgana's voice whispered through his mind with razor wire.

And what is that, Morgana? Merlin asked. His mind and body tensed at her intrusion.

Morganas laugh echoed around the deep reaches of his mind as if bouncing off cavern walls. That is to give into your sins. Now, come.

With that she attacked his mind and demanded he fight and kill any who stood between him and Morgana. She wanted him by her side, now. It was enough to spur his tired mind into obeying. His movements became not his own. He was mindlessly following Morganas orders;like a good attack dog, he came when she called.

Merlin did whatever he could to avoid a head on confrontation. It was easy when most of Camelots knights knew who he was and chose not to engage him, but sometime it was inevitable. Merlin came across some knights that didn't know his face. He had no choice but to react.

A young knight rushed Merlin. At first Merlin didn't do anything. He kept his swords in the holsters across his back. The knight swung his sword at him, unsure of his attack. Merlin ducked and cut under and around the kids sword arm easily avoiding the slash to his head. Merlin rounded on the kid and shoved him away. The kid stumbled, righted himself and charged again. His movements were panicked and jerky. Dangerous and unpredictable. He came at Merlin with deadlier intent. It was as if Merlins body reacted without his consent. He dodged the first strike, but his clumsy nature came roaring up and tripped over his feet and tumbled to the ground. As soon as Merlin hit the ground he was moving. He barely just missed being skewered. The tip of the sword embedded into the ground.

As Merlin rolled, he tore one of his swords from their holster, crouched down ready and waiting for the next attack. But it didn't come from the kid.

A large and heavy force hit Merlin from the side. He hit the ground hard. An older, taller and stronger knight pinned him down to the cold wet earth. Again, Merlin didn't hesitate, his movements were not fully his own. With a flash of gold the knight s weight was lifted from Merlin and flung back. The knight landed hard on his side and his breath left him in a rush. Merlin stood up and stalked the knight. He scrambled back away from Merlin but Merlin advanced too quickly, gave him no time to recover. But before he could reach the fallen knight, there was a sting on his back and Merlin turned to see the young knight with a bloody dagger.

Merlin reacted before he knew he even moved. He swung his sword around and sliced cleanly across the kids neck. The kid dropped his dagger in surprise to grasp at his neck, trying to keep is head on his shoulders. The kids eyes widened when the realization of what happened penetrated his young and startled mind. Fear and horror clouded his brown eyes.

Merlins own widened in shock. His insides quivered but otherwise he showed no reaction to what he had just done. The larger knight roared in anger and tackled Merlin to the ground once more and did nothing to prevent it. The enraged knight straddled Merlins abdomen and pinned his arms under his knees. He punched Merlin repeatedly. Over and over the hits rained down on him, and Merlin just took it. The pain helped ground him, it helped him remember why he was there. Why he kept fighting Morgana. He hopped she felt this. All of it. Merlin laid there hoping the knight would kill him eventually. But unfortunately he had horrible luck.

o0o

Morgana took her fury out on any and all who stood before her. Merlins resistance was becoming too much. She was going to need to do something drastic, and soon, if she was going to keep control of the man. She knew he was on his way, but she still felt a unimaginable amount of rage for him and let her anger rain down. She took down as many knights as she could with both magic and steel. She had just beheaded another knight when a sudden pain bloomed along her back.

Morgana looked behind her but no one was there. It wasn't her that was hurt. Merlin, Morgana growled. She looked into the bond and what she felt made her blood boil even more. He wasn't fighting, wasn't even trying. He was playing a very dangerous game. Soon her face started to ache. Merlin was in pain and still he want defending himself. Infuriated, Morgana let the bond lead her to him.

Morgana found Merlin on the muddy ground. The snow beneath them was slush and had turned red from the blood of the dead and wounded. Merlin was pinned under a rather large and vicious knight who punched him repeatedly. And now Merlins blood mixed into the stained snow.

Morgana's eyes flashed gold and she sent the knight flying into a group of fighting men. She walked over to Merlin and gazed down at him.

Merlin spat out a gob of blood and smiled up at her. "You felt that, huh?"

Morgana seethed at him. "Get up," She snapped. "And keep up." Without another word she rejoined the fight expecting him to follow.

Merlin just lay there a moment letting himself pull his fracturing mind together as he stared up at the stars disappearing in the sky. Slowly, and painfully, Merlin got to his feet and searched the faces of those around him. The sound of swords clashing was rough on his nerves. The shouting of thousands became a loud rolling thunder in his ears that blended together to become a chatter of white noise.

Merlin caught a glimpse of three familiar faces, but one of them was out of place. Merlin found it hard to contain the smile that spread across his face however as he spotted his friends.

Gwain danced around the battle field as if this is what he was born for. He was magnificent in his technique , strategy and strength. Gili was next to him wielding his own sword, but he didn't use it as much as Gwain opting to use his magic. Gili's eyes flashed bright shimmering gold and a man who tried to sneak up behind Gwain dropped dead to the ground. But the third person...she should not even be here.

Gwen fought like any other knight. Brave, strong, and reckless. She face a man twice her size. She blocked each strike with perfect accuracy, her brother, gods rest his soul, had taught her well. She was good, but the giant man was better. Horror filled Merlin as he watched Gwen tripped over a severed arm... she was forced to drop her sword in order to catch herself and not stab herself. The large man advanced on her and Gwain and Gili were to busy with their vicious opponents that they didn't see the queen go down.

Merlin was forced to act. Something inside Merlin surged forward past Morganas hold and allowed him to move towards the Mercenary. In just a few loping strides Merlin snagged the Mercenary by the back of the neck. With a flash of gold Merlin used his magic to boost his strength and tossed the man away from Gwen. He didn't care where the man landed, just long as it was away from the queen.

"Merlin," Gwen breathed a sigh of relief.

"Are you okay?" Merlin forced past tense lips. Gwen nodded absently, her eyes glued to him. Merlin offered her his hand to help her up, but another hand intercepted and knocked his away from her.

Once he had dispatched the man he was fighting, Gwain sprang away from Gili, knowing he could handle the others, and rushed forward to help his queen. He knocked aside Merlins outstretched arm and put himself between Merlin and the queen. His sword held defensively in front of him.

"No, My lady, that's not Merlin. Not anymore." Gwain said sadly.

"But,"

Gwain shook his head. "Come, my lady." He put some steel in his tine this time, signaling there was no arguing about this.

Gwen hesitated a moment, her gaze roaming over Merlin once last time, taking him in as if she hadn't seen him in years and would never see him again after this.

"My Lady...Guinevere, we must go." Gwain pressed when she didn't budge. She shook her head. She didn't want to leave him. Merlin looked so lost. So alone and...and scared.

"Go, Gwen." Merlin urged. He strained to get the words out. Gwen flinched at her name on his lips and the desperation lacing each word.

Suddenly Gwen was charged by a long sorcerer. Merlin glanced from Gwen to the man and back to Gwen. "Please," Merlin begged. He gave both Gwen and Gwain on last look before he gave his attention back to the sorcerer. He barely registered the dark armor and red dragon on his breast before he set his magic out. Without waiting to see if they were gone, Merlin flung out his hand and with a single word sent the sorcerer flying back over a group of men, the sorcerer was dead before he had the chance to hit the ground.

Merlin turned back just in time to see Gwain tugging Gwen away, Gili right on their heels as they disappeared into the thickest part of the battle.

o0o

Morgana fumed. She looked down at he dead sorcerer at her feet. He may have been only a mercenary but he was valuable. Merlin had just openly defied her again, and killed one of her men. No, his men, because Emrys was leading this army, not her. He had agree to take on this task and he was already letting more of his people die. Morgana stalked him, her long strides eat up the space between them.

Merlin felt Morgana near her rage and heat burned him the closer she got. He turned to confront her, but she didn't' slow. Her name was on his lips when suddenly a sharp pain blossomed in his side.

Morgana didn't stop in her stride. She pulled out her dagger, braced for the echo of his pain and shoved the dagger into Merlins side. She knew it wouldn't kill him, but it will irritate him and make it even more difficult for him to fight her, and the satisfaction of seeing him cringe made it worth the shared pain.

Merlin gasped when the long sharp blade entered his body. Merlin looked down at the dagger, only half the blade had entered his flesh. He looked at Morgana, his mouth pressed in a firm line to keep his pained cry trapped inside him. As soon as their eyes met Morgana slowly shoved the blade all the way to the hilt. He bit the inside of his cheek to try to keep quiet and tasted blood, but he couldn't help the groan that came from deep in his chest.

"Don't fuck with me, Merlin."

Morgana stepped back and took the dagger with her. They gasped at the same time when she gave the dagger a hard tug, both feeling the same shocking pain. Merlins knees bucked. Morgana left him there kneeling in the cold bloody slush.