Just in case I can't get another chapter out until the New Year, and in the wise words of Hotteaforme,
"fuck it, it's Christmas!" LOL You have her to thank for this update, she talked me into it.
I'm running close to the wire with edited chapters and I won't be bothering my team over the holidays, so updates may slow a smidge just until the new year and the holiday madness is over. So, in the meantime, here's a kind-of-big chapter. Buckle up, it's a little bumpy ;)
Chapter Twenty
Edward
"There you are!"
Grinning over the bar at Renee as I set down the glass I was cleaning, I can't help but ask, "Where else would I be?"
With a distinctly Arlo-like roll of her eyes, Renee shakes her head and fishes through her purse. "I just wanted to drop this in for you. It's been sitting in Charlie's office for days and it's driving me nuts."
Taking the envelope from her and peeking inside, I see that it's the cheque for the party I catered at In The Bay a few weeks back. I'd forgotten all about it, to be honest.
"Thanks, Rae. I'd forgotten."
Tucking it into the lockbox under the bar, I offer her a grin. "You look great this morning, by the way. New hairdo?"
Touching her hair, she snorts. "More like plane hair."
"Oh, that's right. You flew in late last night, right?"
"Right. Those late night flights always leave me looking a mess."
She doesn't have a hair out of place and her clothes look fresh off the hanger. She definitely doesn't look like someone who spent half the night on a plane. "Nah, not at all. If I didn't know better I'd have no idea you've been up all night travelling."
Reaching out to lightly poke my arm, Renee snorts. "Yeah, yeah, you big smoothie, you. I know I look a state. The boys already told me I look 'messy' when they video called this morning. They're coming by for dinner tonight, aren't they?"
Smirking, I nod. "I believe that's the plan, but it's under consideration at the moment. She's not sure how the pup will handle it."
Shaking her head with a smile, Renee admits that she's excited to meet Max. I can't deny that I am, too.
Of course, I don't admit that I fully intend to see Bella tonight whether she stops by for dinner or not. If she doesn't come, I'll see if she's still awake when I head home and call round to meet the new pup and sneak a kiss or two, if she's willing.
"Thank you, EC." Sighing, she cocks her head at me. "Are you all right? You seem...different."
Straightening up and resuming my sweep of the glasses, I shake my head. "I'm fine." With Renee, having a good deflection tactic is key. "How are you? Looking forward to a few days in the big city?"
Part of Charlie's birthday present to his wife was a three-day break in New York, but they had to wait a little bit for a few staffing issues at the hotel to be resolved before they could take off. They're leaving some time today or tomorrow, I believe.
"It's just a flying visit, three nights and we'll be coming right home. I am looking forward to a bit of down time with Charlie, though. He's been so busy recently, and with Bella and the boys coming home, it's all been a bit manic." Wryly, she adds, "I still expect we'll end up paying a visit to the Long Island hotel. The renovation is a bit behind and Charlie wants to know why. The contractors can't ignore him if he's standing right in front of them."
"I see." Of the six hotels Charlie has spread over the country, the one on Long Island always seems to be the thorn in his side. Which, when I think about it, is pretty ironic considering it's the closest out-of-state hotel he owns. All the others are much further west.
As Renee's cell starts ringing in her purse, she rolls her eyes and steps back toward the door. "I'd better get going. That's probably Charlie wondering why I'm taking so long. Take care of yourself and we'll see you next week for brunch as usual."
"Take care, Rae. Make sure Charlie spoils you, and don't let him spend too much time in Long Island. You both deserve the down time."
With a cheery wave and a promise to keep her husband in line—a promise I have no doubt she'll keep—she's gone, leaving me in the peace and quiet of an empty restaurant. Well, not totally empty. Jones is out in the backyard taking his lunch break while we have nobody in, and Kelly is upstairs. Glancing at the clock, I see she has a good half hour before her shift starts. Hopefully things pick up after that, because it's pointless having the extra staff in otherwise.
That said, with Bella and the boys possibly coming by later, I won't close the restaurant even if we are dead.
I'm looking forward to Bella seeing the new menu too much.
~ oOo ~
Luckily, it does pick up as the afternoon winds on. We get a couple of reasonably big parties in for a late lunch as well as a few stragglers and an elderly couple who've been coming every week since I opened.
Jones and Kelly man the kitchen like a well-oiled machine while I cover the bar. New Kid and Oliver keep the customers happy with their winning smiles and can't-do-more attitude—well, mostly. One diner complains about her burger being too spicy, so New Kid ratchets up the charm and comps her drinks, which mollifies her.
As afternoon sails into evening, the clouds part outside and it's warm enough to open the yard. There's a deck out back with a few picnic tables and a large, extendable awning which juts out from the building for days when the sun is too hot. A family of four comes in and requests an outdoor table, their little dog happily curling up on the deck at their feet.
One of my best decisions to date was making the yard dog-friendly. When it's nice out, we get a lot of customers stopping by with their pooches for a drink and a burger. I had to lose a little of the restaurant space to create a corridor for people to use in and out—I don't want dogs in the main area for obvious reasons—but it was worth it. Plus, it gave me the cork board polaroid wall, which people love.
It's fast approaching six and most of the tables are full inside when Oliver cracks up.
"What?"
Pointing toward the front of the store, I see what he's already spotted. I can't help but laugh, too. Bella and the boys managed to snag a prime parking spot right out front, which gives me a great view of them as they climb out of her new car. But they're not alone.
"I thought you said it was a puppy? Shit, that thing is huge already!" New Kid laughs.
Oliver snorts. "That is a puppy. Saint Bernards start off big and grow quick."
I can't help but chuckle, unable to take my eyes off Bella as the admittedly quite large puppy tows Bella toward a fire hydrant to cock his leg, then Jaxson, Finley, and Arlo run full-speed at the front door, leaving their mom being pulled along behind them.
I'm already at the podium with four menus in hand when Arlo stretches on his tiptoes to peer over the top. His toothy smile widens, Jaxson and Finley skidding to a stop behind him.
"Hey, Edward! Guess what we got today!" Before I can even open my mouth, he tells me the answer—not that it isn't pretty obvious anyway. The panting, furry beast of a puppy is right behind him with a frazzled Bella hanging onto his leash. "A dog! We got a dog."
"I see that," I laugh, opening the little gate that leads to the back. "Come on through. I saved your favorite table, but you've got the yard all to yourself for now, anyway."
Rather than run behind him, Bella drops the leash and shakes her head as she follows me out into the sun, her new dog chasing her sons. "So, you decided to brave it, then?"
"Oh yeah, and we Swans don't do anything by halves, as you can see," she says, gesturing at the puppy. His face is already not far off being level with Arlo's. "He literally bowled Arlo over at the shelter and it was insta-love."
Sitting sideways on the picnic bench the boys claimed as their own the first time they came out here, it's easy to see the relief on Bella's face. Although there's something else…
"You're not as taken with him as the boys?" I guess.
"Oh, no! It's not that at all. Max is just...not what I expected. A puppy is like a full-time job, and he's a big puppy."
Snorting, my gaze flicks over to the boys and Max again. Arlo is showing him the big water dish and the patch of grass at the end of the yard while Jaxson and Finley hunt for the toys I keep out back for visiting dogs.
"...and this is where you gotta go potty, okay?"
Bella and I both laugh at the sloppy-tongued smooch Max gives Arlo in acknowledgement.
"I think he'll settle in with you just fine. You'll forget he's new to the family in no time."
"Probably," Bella admits with a small smile. "Anyway...what's on the specials board today? I forgot to look on the way through, but I'm starving. The boys are, too. We've barely eaten today."
An unexpected sliver of nerves slides through me as I reach for the menus on the table. "I think you might be more interested in the new addition to the burger menu, but I could be wrong."
Garrett thought it was hilarious when I insisted he learn a new recipe on the fly, and he laughed his ass off when he saw the new menus yesterday—the newest burger, in particular. He said "If this doesn't give you the kick up the ass you need, I don't know what will." Fuck knows what he was talking about. He's gotten all thoughtful and thinks he's wise since having Ivy. Honestly, I'm still not even sure what made me do it.
But then a wide, beautiful smile lights Bella's face and that's why. That look right there. I'd do almost anything to keep that right there.
"You added my burger to the menu! You...Edward, that's so cool!"
It took me a while to decide what to put as the description on the menu, but I know it by heart now.
The Bella Italia.
Succulent beef patty cooked in rosemary oil and seasoned with oregano, parsley, and optional chilies. Our delicious homemade tomato, red pepper, and basil ketchup comes standard, and a healthy dose of mozzarella and a toasted ciabatta roll pulls it all together to give you the perfect taste of Italy.
"You did all the hard work the other day, I just had to make it sound as great as it tastes in as few words as possible."
The sheer delight and surprise on Bella's face is reward enough for how much of a pain in the ass it was to redesign the menu, but it's even more worthwhile when she throws her arms around my shoulders and presses a hot, discreet kiss to my collarbone. "This is great, Edward. Thank you."
"It's not a problem," I croak, clearing my throat and forcing myself to remain chaste with my placement of my hands. They take up residence at the small of her back even though I'm itching to run them lower.
My smile spreads wider when she waves the boys over to show them the new item on the menu.
It wasn't easy switching up the menu with such a quick turnaround, but the look on her face, that beautiful smile, is why I did it anyway.
"That's so cool, Edward! Can I be on the menu?"
Snorting and running her fingers through Finley's wavy 'do, Bella shakes her head. "I'm not on the menu, kiddo. The burger I invented is. There's a difference. You wouldn't want to eat Momma, would you?"
No, but I would, I think, my eyes telling Bella the same thing. She shakes her head infinitesimally but I can see the smirk playing on her lips.
"I don't know, Bella. He could be tasty, but I'd need to test him out before I can cook and sell him." I don't know what comes over me, but Finley is off the bench and in my arms before I blink.
I've tipped him up and playfully nibbled his belly before I can consider what I'm doing and who I used to do this with. His peals of surprised laughter and the shocked look in Bella's eyes when I glance up at her is a reality check.
My smile slips from my face as a chill runs through my veins.
"Gah, Dada! Don't eat my belly! Gosh, your beard tickles!"
"Whoa…" Finley breathes when I quickly right him, setting him back on his feet and taking a sharp breath in.
My stomach rolls, old memories flooding to the surface.
"Ahh, sto-op!"
Skinny little arms flail around, a bony elbow narrowly missing my face.
"But you're so tasty! And someone ate half my breakfast this morning. Maybe they should eat their own in the future," I tease, the sun hot on my back but not half as warming as the toothy smile aimed my way.
"But I d-don't want to!" Willow's squeal is so high-pitched it almost hurts my ears, but I'm used to it. I never thought I'd get used to girly screams, singing at all hours of the day and night, hair bows just fucking...everywhere.
Now, I don't know what I'd do without it all.
"Please, Dada, s-s-stop! It tickles!"
Smirking and nomming on her belly some more, I mimic, "But I don't want to!"
A loud sigh from the doorway curbs my grin, but only slightly, and puts an end to my girl's giggles.
"Are you two done? Dinner is on the table."
Carefully setting my world back on her own two feet, I blow out a breath and rub my belly. "I'm sorta full. I don't think I need dinner after all."
I'm on the receiving end of a pretty harsh stink-eye, but its power is negated by the cheeky smile battling its way onto Willow's face.
An all-too-familiar ache returns to take up residence in my chest. How did I not notice that it had eased, even if just for a little while? That ache...it's all I l have left of her. It reminds me that I had her, even just for a handful of precious years.
Finley's smile falters as I take a few big steps backward, but it's Bella's expression that kills me.
Understanding.
Of course, she knows where my mind just went—where it always goes when I let my guard down and relax the shield around my memories.
"I'm…" Sorry. Broken. Not sure I'll ever be able to be the man you deserve.
Her eyes are shiny but tell me she knows. She knows and she's sorry, too.
Her face tells me it's okay, so I do what I always do. I take the easy out. I run. I hide.
I forget.
~ oOo ~
A couple of days later, I tuck my sunglasses into my hair and find myself genuinely smiling as I watch three familiar faces appear in the sea of people spilling out of the airport.
"Jas!"
My eight-years-younger brother flashes me a grin as he waves and turns to say something to his wife, whose gaze pops up from their son to scan the crowd. She, too, looks happy when she spots me. "Hey, big brother," Jasper says when they reach me, one of his gangly arms coming around me as I pull him in for a back-slapping hug.
"Hey, brother. How were your flights?"
He's complained, many times, that they have to get connecting flights when they come down from Utah. I think they stopped in Dallas this time for a couple of hours.
"Long," he sighs, winking at his son as he whines for my attention.
Crouching, I ruffle my nephew's hair. "Hey, Matty. Did you enjoy your plane rides?"
He shrugs, pushing his dark blond hair out of his eyes. It's grown a lot since they were here in June. It reminds me of Arlo, which makes my chest hurt. I miss the cheeky little boy. "It was okay. It felt like forever 'cause I was excited to get here and see you, Uncle Ed."
Groaning quietly, I look up at my brother who is now wearing a shit-eating grin, because it's his fault his son is now calling me 'Ed,' a nickname I've hated since Jasper was a toddler and it was all he could call me.
As it happens, Matty likes calling me 'Uncle Ed' a whole lot. He peppers me with questions all the way from Jacksonville International to Jackson Bay, starting or ending almost every sentence with the much-hated nickname. If he weren't so cute I'd totally tell him to knock it off.
There's also the little matter of his inquisitive mother who is very likely going to be on my case soon enough. She's probably dying to ask why I was evasive when she wondered if we'd be getting Bella's boys together with Matty for a playdate. Matty is homeschooled, which gives them the freedom to travel when Jasper can get the time off work, but it also means he doesn't get to spend as much time with people his own age as most other kids. When she asked if the kids she's seen on my Facebook page will be around for Matty to play with, I fobbed her off with a story about Bella being busy with the new puppy and new house.
I know Alice, though. There'll be questions. She was curious enough about Bella and the boys to call me and ask about them after Kelly tagged me in pictures of us in the Burger Co. backyard. I didn't even know Kelly had taken them, but she caught the exact moment Bella looked up at me after seeing her burger on the menu, her face lit up with her stunning smile. But that was before...
Before it all went wrong.
As we drive past her house on the way to mine, I sigh and try to push thoughts of Bella and the boys from my mind.
My time and attention is going to be dedicated to Jasper, Alice, and Matty while they're here for the next two days, and that's it. I had to bribe my team to work longer shifts during our busiest season because I want to spend time with my brother and his family, so it needs to be worthwhile.
~ oOo ~
"Man, that was good," Jasper groans, sitting back in his seat and rubbing his stomach.
I can't help but grin, twisting my whiskey glass between my fingers on the tabletop. "You're welcome, little brother. You can do some laps in the pool tomorrow to work it off."
"Fuck off," he snorts, shaking his head with a wide, slightly crooked grin. We both inherited Dad's slightly lopsided smile, only Jasper got Dad's blond hair and blue eyes as well while I got Mom's green eyes and red-brown hair.
"Language at the table, Jas," Alice sighs, though we both know she's fighting a losing battle now Jasper has indulged in a whiskey with me. He's a lightweight, always has been.
"Yeah, Daddy," Matty chimes. "You're not supposed to cuss."
"Sorry, champ. I'll get you a dollar tomorrow."
Pleased with the addition to the loot he's already earned through listening to Jasper and I watch a Jacksonville Gators match this afternoon, Matty grins. My brother isn't all that into soccer, but I've supported my closest MLS team since I moved out here. The Gators are doing well this season thanks to a couple of new signings. Their new striker, Brody Weller, has given them a great boost despite being the youngest on the team at twenty-one. I'm looking forward to seeing his progress.
"Why don't we get you all ready for bed, huh?" Alice says with a smile, all of us eyeing Matty as he yawns big and wide, leaning his head on his folded arms on the table.
"Okay. Can I have a story before I go to sleep?" Alice has barely agreed before he adds, "Can Uncle Ed read it to me?"
I see her eyes widen, her mouth moving to make an excuse for me, and cut her off. "You sure can, buddy. Give me a sec and I'll be up, okay?"
"Okay." He crawls into his dad's lap for a hug and kiss before giving his mom the same treatment and trooping up the stairs.
Tossing back the last of my drink, I studiously ignore Alice's curious gaze on me. I already know, without her having to tell me, that she's shocked because I never do story time.
Story time was Willow's favorite time of day. She loved pretending to read along with me.
I swallow hard. "I'll be back in a few. Help yourself to anything. There's dessert in the fridge if you're still hungry."
Tired from his long day, Matty is already halfway out when I lower myself to sit on the edge of the blow-up bed on the floor in the guest bedroom. "Sleepy, buddy?"
"Nope." I might believe him if he didn't follow it up with another big yawn.
I chuckle, tucking him in. "Sure you're not. So, which of these books are we readin'?" He's got a little stack of three next to his pillow. I hold them up, nodding when he points to the one with a cartoon dragon on the front. "Okay, When A Dragon Comes To Stay, it is."
I don't even get halfway through the book before Matty is snoring softly, but I read to the end anyway, making sure he's all tucked in with his stuffed dragon within reach before heading downstairs to face the Spanish inquisition.
Alice and Jasper have relocated to the family room, so I head there after refilling my glass, deciding on a whim to just bring the rest of the bottle with me. It might be necessary.
When I sit my ass down in my recliner, I realize Jasper isn't far behind his son. His eyelids are drooping as he stares at the TV.
"So. The girl in the pictures. Bella, is it?"
Talk about not beating around the bush, Alice.
"What about her?"
My sister-in-law breathes a soft laugh, tucking her feet under her on the couch. "Who is she? You said she's your friends' daughter?"
"She is."
Alice's eyebrows lift a little; she's getting annoyed at my short answers. She doesn't know that she's poking a sore spot right now. I haven't seen or spoken to Bella since my hasty retreat on Saturday. She's waiting, giving me space, but I think I'm almost ready to close the distance. I just hope she won't have written me off by then. She's already been more than patient with my hot and cold routine.
I'm ready to let the embers glowing between us burn bright. I'm willing to risk being engulfed by the flames if it's with her.
Sighing, I rub the back of my neck and offer her a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry. I'm not in a great mood at the moment. Burger Co. is insanely busy and with Tan off with the baby, it's been rough."
Alice doesn't believe me, I can tell, but she nods and follows the change of topic. "How are they doing, Tanya and the baby?"
"Good." I smile a little wider, pulling up Tanya's Facebook page on my cell to show her a couple of photos of Ivy. The most recent picture on Tanya's timeline is of all four girls on the sofa, Ivy in Jessica's arms, Callie and Irina on either side of them.
"What cute little girls."
I nod, agreeing. "They're great, all of them."
"You're really good with kids, you know. You avoid them, but you have a way with children that makes them adore you. Matty never shuts up about his 'awesome Uncle Ed.'"
Even as a grin splits my face, I'm wincing inside.
Yeah, I have such a way with kids I left Finley staring after me on Saturday because of my own ridiculous hang-ups. That's just great.
"We missed you on the Fourth. Your mom expected you to fly in," Alice says next in her seemingly relentless search for conversation. Jasper is now catching flies beside her, so I can't rely on him to save me.
"I never said I'd be there." My voice comes out too gruff, too blunt for polite conversation. Clearing my throat, I frown down at my drink. "She always assumes, but I've told her I can't just up and leave Burger Co. on one of our busiest holidays. Probably the busiest, actually."
"You know she just misses you, Edward. She feels guilty that she's so far away, we all do."
I hear her unspoken 'now you're alone' but choose to ignore it.
"I think she still holds out hope on you coming back to Utah," Alice admits after a too-long silence. "She's always talking about how you used to love the snowy mountains and all the changing seasons."
It's true, I am fond of the snow-capped mountains that I used to see through my bedroom window back in Salt Lake City.
But I love the sound and smell of the ocean just feet away from the bottom of my backyard. I love the warmer weather year-round. I love this town and the people and the way I feel when I stroll down The Boardwalk with the sun on my face and the sea breeze filling my lungs.
Willow was born here. She only ever lived in this house. She took her first steps on the beach right outside our back gate.
And Charlie and Renee are here. Garrett, Tanya, the girls…
Bella and the boys, too.
I could never leave Jackson Bay.
It takes a moment for me to realize that I said it aloud. Alice smiles wistfully. "I know. This place is your home. I've known you for a long time, Edward Cullen. This place suits you much better than Utah ever did, and your mom would see it if you gave her a chance."
I knew the conversation would end up here.
"Alice…" I warn gently. I don't want to get mad at her. We've had a great day and we still have tomorrow to look forward to.
"She cares about you, Edward." Rising from the sofa, Alice nudges Jasper awake and carries her empty glass through to the kitchen as he mumbles his 'goodnight' and heads upstairs. She returns to me, leaning over to plant a kiss on my cheek. "Talk to her. Really talk. She loves you so much, I don't think you even realize."
Her gaze softens as she rests her hand on my shoulder, blowing out a long breath as she mulls over her words. My heart thumps harder at the look in her eyes, because I know that look. It's the one people wear when they're about to bring up Willow.
"We all lost Willow that day, Edward, but it hit none of us more so than you. We all miss her and wish she was still here, but your mom...she's grieving for more than just her granddaughter. She's mourning you, too."
Alice leaves me with a parting "goodnight, Edward." I don't want to think about her words, so obviously they're the only thing I can think about.
When I crawl into bed a little later, the light of the moon streaming through the gap in the drapes, I frown at the ceiling and ponder Alice's statement.
She's mourning you, too.
My first impulse is to say that she never lost me. I'm right here. But I know, deep down, that it's bullshit.
When Willow died, a huge part of me died with her. My chest aches almost constantly as if it's missing crucial components and my thoughts are never far from my bright, beautiful, funny little girl. She was my absolute world. Her smile lit up my life and her giggles were music to my ears. Sometimes, when I dream, I can still hear her laughter. It haunts my sleep and leaves my waking hours painfully quiet, no matter what I do or where I go. This house is full of her infectious joy, the rooms still holding her toys and books exactly where she left them.
It's a museum. A shrine to a life I haven't lived for six years, a life Willow will never return to.
And Alice is right about something else, too. It wasn't just me who lost Willow. It was Mom, and Dad, and Jasper, Alice...Matty never even got the chance to meet his only cousin. Alice wasn't even pregnant with him yet when Willow died.
And then there's Kate.
As usual when my thoughts turn to my ex-wife, I'm left with a bitter taste in my mouth and a sense of betrayal that hurts more because she was my best friend first, my lover and then wife, second. When we got married right out of high school, fresh-faced and full of plans for our future, I never saw us ending up where we did even before Willow was taken from us. It's easier to admit now, after six years and countless hours of soul-searching with Kendra, that Kate and I never would have lasted forever. We were both too selfish, both too caught up in what we wanted as individuals. I wanted a life here in Jackson Bay with Burger Co. and a family. She wanted a penthouse in the city and a husband whose arm she could hang off for all her hoity toity charity benefits. We're vastly different people on completely different paths in life.
And of course, one of us was fucking somebody else for almost the entire marriage.
~ oOo ~
Alice's words stick with me throughout a restless night of very little sleep.
When Matty traipses, bleary-eyed and rubbing his face, into the family room the next morning, I'm dialing my parents' house phone. "C'mere, buddy," I whisper, patting my knee. Climbing up in his dinosaur pajamas, Matty snuggles against my chest and yawns into my t-shirt just as Mom picks up.
"Edward, this is unexpected! Is everything okay? Did Jasper, Alice, and Matty arrive all right?"
"They did, they're all good. Matty's right here, do you want to say 'hi?'"
"Oh, I'd love to. Put him on."
Matty mumbles a few words to his Gamma before passing the phone back and huddling back against me. I can't deny the feelings of warmth and comfort his sleepy embrace stirs in me. It reminds me of Arlo napping across me when I watched him and his brothers the other night.
It makes me want to run down the street to their house and beg forgiveness for acting like a tool.
I don't, though. Instead, I start my day off by attempting to mend bridges with my mom.
"So, uh, Mom, I was wondering…" I pause, blowing out a breath through my nose. Will I regret this? Probably. Am I going to do it anyway? Yes. "I was wondering if I could come out and visit when I take my break after the summer. It'll be late September, probably—"
"Oh, Edward, honey, that would be wonderful! Will you stay with us, or at a hotel?"
Grinning at the ecstatic tone of my mom's voice, I breathe a sigh of relief and sink deeper into the couch cushions. "Whichever is easiest. I can probably talk Charlie into getting me a room at his hotel if it's too much trouble for me to stay with you guys."
"It's not too much trouble. No trouble at all, in fact. We'd be happy to have you come and stay with us. You can even have your old room."
Mom's too-fast chatter is a sure sign that she's happy and excited, which relieves me. Honestly, after how strained things have been between us in recent years, I wasn't sure she'd want me to come out, let alone invite me to stay at their place. We haven't been close for a long time, but I hope to rectify that. I want to try to mend things.
I listen to her jibber jabber on for almost a half hour before Matty is awake enough to request French toast for breakfast. "Listen, Mom," I interrupt gently, thankful for the excuse to cut her off. Baby steps, and all that. I don't need to hear about every single thing she's done in the last week, although it is nice not to be listening to how disappointed in me she is or battling our way through awkward silence, for a change. "Matty's hungry, so I'm gonna have to go feed him."
After requesting a follow-up call to confirm travel plans nearer the time, 'or as many calls in between as you like,' Mom tells me she loves me and hangs up the phone.
Swooping Matty up into the air with a sudden burst of energy, I find myself grinning. "Well, buddy. What do you say...do you want to be my sous chef?"
Giggling like a mad thing, Matty nods and clings onto my arms, but it's obvious he trusts me not to drop him. I can't help but remember the new nerves in Finley's features as I swung him through the air before not-too-gently putting him down. He trusted me, I could see it, but I damaged that trust with my disappearing act.
"Yes, but put me down, Uncle Ed!"
"Yes, Sir."
As I set Matty on the counter and start pulling ingredients from the cupboards, I make a vow that I'll make sure Finley, Jaxson, and Arlo still have faith in me the way they did before I walked away from them.
I'm determined to be a man worthy of their trust, a man worthy of them. Before I lost Willow, I was that man. I can be him again.
I just need to find him.
First and foremost, I need to share a rec (or three) with you. If you haven't seen already, staringatthesky has written two amazing, complete Emmett x Rosalie AH fics—Where the Heart Is and its sequel Where The Heart Is Now—and has just started posting the third story—Love Beyond. It's angsty and heart-wrenching but has all the makings of what I'm sure will be a new all-time fave for this angst-loving reader. I'll drop the summaries for all three below, but PLEASE go ahead and check them out. Even if you aren't into the heavy angst, you can read and enjoy the slightly lighter first two stories. They're beyond stunning. Let her know I sent you and leave her some love :)
Where The Heart Is: Because sometimes family is what you make it, and home is where the heart is. Emmett knows his life isn't perfect. Home is chaotic, school is a mess, and his little sister Alice keeps wetting the bed. But they have each other and they're getting by okay...until one day they're not, and amongst all the changes Emmett has to learn what makes a family and what makes a home.
Where The Heart Is Now: Because sometimes family is what you make it, and home is where the heart is...and even when you grow up it doesn't always get simpler. A sequel to Where the Heart Is, where it's ten years down the line and Emmett is learning a whole lot more about love and what exactly can go into making a family.
Love Beyond: Because sometimes the unthinkable happens. Married to Rosalie, busy with babies, Emmett's life is full of the family and love and laughter he had always longed for. Happy and contented, he's only looking forward until the day tragedy strikes and the centre of his world falls away. A story of love and loss, and what happens then.
If you want to see pictures of the Jackson Bay crew and snoop on my inspiration for Jackson Bay, I have a Pinterest board called 'Under The Willows' and my account is under the same name as I am here.
As always, huge thanks to my wonderful team of ladies who call me on my bull and point out when I'm being too liberal with my 'it's fiction' excuse. annaharding, LizziePaige, ThatSoAlex, Anakinsmom, and LadyLoonie, I love you all dearly. And I love each and every one of you who reads, reviews, and recommends this little tale of mine. Come friend me on Facebook - Ciara Shayee Hill - to chit chat with me and see the visuals I create to go with each chapter.
If I don't 'see' you again before, I'm wishing you all a wonderful holiday season! xo