February 8, 1978

James and Lily were doing rounds. The castle was always quiet this time of night, as they walked together down the corridors.

"James, how many deer related jokes do you have?"

"A staggering amount!" James said already bent over laughing.

"Merlin's beard James, get it together." Lily laughed at him.

"Alright, alright, I'm good."

"Good!" Lily laughed.

They continued around the castle checking everything to make sure it was all right. James had been doing most of the talking and Lily didn't mind, but now there seemed to be a lag and Lily felt that she should fill it.

"Hey James," Lily tried to think of a question that stimulate conversation that she didn't already know.

"Yes, my love?"

"What's your biggest fear?" It wasn't a bad question, but it wasn't great either. James was a Gryffindor, Lily wasn't sure he would even admit to being afraid of something.

"I guess it would probably be not being able to protect the people I love. I don't know really though. I don't really like clowns, they're rather creepy."

Lily smiled. "Yeah clowns are pretty bad."

"Alright, how about you then, what's your biggest fear?"

"I don't know." Lily thought a minute, what scared her? Well, failing at life was a big one, but everyone was afraid of that. "I really don't know. I mean spiders kind of freak me out, but I wouldn't say they're my biggest fear."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

They walked in silence for a bit and then Lily realized that they'd finished their rounds and were at Gryffindor tower.

"Pigfarts." James said and cracked a grin. "Who comes up with these?" He said as the portrait swung open and they entered.

"I have no idea." Lily said honestly.

February 9, 1978

Lily heard cold maniacal laughter echoing in her head before she saw anything. Then as if the lights had been switched on she saw him. James was on the ground bleeding and bruised and the cold laughter was coming from a hooded figure.

"Crucio!" The figure cried. James screamed and twitched. He was being tortured. Lily had to help him, but as she reached forward she was met with the abruptness of bars. She looked around. She appeared to be in a sort of cage. James screamed again and Lily whipped back around to look at him. She grabbed the bars of her cage and screamed "No!" over and over as James screamed in pain. She tried to reach him through the bars, but he was so far away…

Then the cage and James vanished and Lily saw Petunia. All around them clips from Petunia's life played, but in every single one Lily wasn't there. Not even in the childhood ones. There were empty places where Lily should have been.

"Petunia, what's happened what is this?"

Petunia wouldn't even look at her.

"Petunia!"

"Freak!" Petunia whispered staring scathingly at her before disappearing along with the slips of her life.

In Petunia's place sprung a hospital room with only one patient. Lily walked slowly toward the patient and with a gasp she realized it was her mum.

"Mum, what's happened?! Why're you in the hospital?!"

"Lily dear, I love you… I'm going to see your father.." She coughed. Oh no, Lily thought.

"Mum, what have you got, what is it?" Lily sat next to her mum and gripped her hand.

"It's Lung Cancer dear, but it's okay Lily, it's okay because I'm going to see your father again…"

"Mum!" The heart monitor beeped slower and slower. Lily felt her mum's hand go limp in hers and the monitor was silent. The silence was deafening.

"Lily.." Lily turned and in the doorway James stood. He looked a little strange but Lily rushed into his arms.

"James, she's gone…. My mum…"

"Oh Lily…"

Lily sobbed into his shoulder. But then he had pushed her back and she didn't recognize the look on his face.

"Lily, I only came to tell you that our relationship has been a lie. Now that I got you I have to tell you that it has all been revenge since you turned me down the first time. I was mad I vowed revenge. And now I have it." He smiled and Lily had never seen this smile. "Goodbye Evans."

"James…" but Lily couldn't say anything because her tears had clogged her throat and she felt like she couldn't even breath. She sunk to ground crying softly.

The hospital vanished around her and the high, cold laughter returned. All around her, looking down at her were masked and hooded people.

"Crucio!" They said together and Lily felt a pain she had never felt before and screamed and writhed in agony.

"Mudblood…" someone said. Lily watched in horror as the word appeared in deep gagged lines of blood on her arm.

She looked up tears clouding her vision and saw Severus.

"Sev.. please." She lifted the arm that didn't have "mudblood" carved into it and reached toward him. But he didn't take it. He looked down at her and again she couldn't recognize his face.

"Mudblood." He spat. And the word on her grew deeper and more blood poured out of the cuts.

Then they were gone and all she could hear, over and over, louder than a stadium full of people screaming, were James' screams, Petunia saying "freak, the monitor beeping, and Severus saying "mudblood". It rang in her head and Lily sobbed and clutched her ears curling into a tight ball trying to escape the pain.

And then just as quickly as it had all started the noises ceased and a silence rose around her. Lily's eyes flew open and she saw her fourposter in the semi darkness and felt the tears covering her face and pillow. Lily pulled the covers off her arm and saw that mudblood had not been carved on it. She sighed and she felt her breath catch.

Lily pulled the covers over her head and sobbed silently into her pillow.

o0o

"Lily wake up, breakfast will be over in ten minutes!" Mary called from Lily's right.

"Erm…" Lily groaned and rolled over.

"Get up!"

"Go on without me, I'll be down soon." Lily mumbled.

"Fine." Lily heard her four roommates step out of the dorm and the door snap shut.

Lily lifted a hand and touched her cheek. It was still wet and puffy. She knew what she saw was dream. Knew that it would all probably never happen, but she still shook in fear.

She couldn't get out of bed, it was too much, it kept ringing in her ears all the sounds of her nightmare.

"Lily?" Marlene said tentatively.

"Yeah…" Lily muttered back.

"Lils, you missed breakfast and arithmancy, are you alright?"

"Tired, I didn't sleep much." Lily hid her face in her pillow.

"Okay, hey…" Marlene sat on the edge of her bed and reached over to oat Lily's back. "Let us know if you need anything… We're headed to Muggle Studies." Marlene's weight released the bed and Lily heard her friends whispering in concerned voices about Lily's state.

"Something happen with James?"

"I don't think so, they were fine yesterday."

"Yeah, maybe she failed a quiz?"

"Nah, she's done before and didn't result in this."

"Well what should we do?"

"Don't know she's still pretending she's just tired, let's just let her be for now, we'll check in after lunch."

Lily heard them shut the door quietly behind themselves and their feet receded down the stairs. She sighed and rolled over. It didn't help anything to stay in bed all day, but it felt like there were a sack of bricks sitting on her chest and she couldn't muster the strength to get up.

She rubbed her arm where "mudblood" had been carved in her dream. It had felt so real…

o0o

Lily pretended to be asleep when her friends came in to check on her after lunch.

"She asleep?"

"I think so, but she may be pretending to avoid talking to us."

"Let's let her be. She's smart enough to miss a whole week and still be top of the class."

"Yeah, but what are we going to tell James?"

"Do you think anything will satisfy him. He won't be happy till he sees her himself."

"Well he can't come up here and we can't haul her downstairs so that's not going to happen."

"It's James, he can make it happen to see her."

"Too true."

They left quietly and Lily found it odd that she didn't feel even a little hungry.

o0o

It was around three in the afternoon when the door to the dorms burst open and James came flying in on his broom looking very threatening. Lily sat up bolt right at the sound.

"Merlin's pants James!"

"Lily! Are you okay?" James dismounted and rushed over to her bed.

"Fine, I'm fine. You're not supposed to be up here."

"You don't miss classes unless it's something important." He looked at her sternly. "What's wrong? You haven't been out of here all day!"

"I've said I'm fine what do you want?" Lily asked slightly annoyed.

"I want a reason that you've been up here all day, I want it from you. Look at me and tell me you were just tired." James' eyes burrowed into Lily's own.

"I was tired." Lily said evenly and stared right back at James.

James shook his head. "Lily I know you, you come to class even after we've been out all night doing rounds or you've been studying up late. You still come to class when you're tired. Why are you lying, and why didn't you come out today?"

Lily looked at her arm and rubbed the spot where it had been mutilated absentmindedly. James waited patiently at the edge of her bed.

Lily didn't know what to say, if she told him her dream he would feel guilty or angry or both. She didn't want him to go beat up Severus or Petunia or anything.

"I just had a nightmare." Lily acted embarrassed.

"What kind?" James asked seriously.

Lily played up the bashfulness, and mumbled, "Spiders," and looked down.

"Whatcha mean?" James asked cocking his head to the side.

"Well…" Lily looked down. "Everything in the school had just turned into spiders and they were everywhere."

James looked at her, looked directly in her eyes. "Spiders are bad, but you would've at least come to breakfast." James said slowly, after a minute.

Lily sighed, this was the trouble of surrounding yourself with people who knew you too well.

"Lily please tell me what's the matter, I can't help you if you don't tell me." Lily looked down and when she looked back up through slightly teared eyes James was still looking at her. "Please."

"No James, you don't want to know. I don't think you should know." Lily said finally. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, but they were silent.

"Lily, come on. What's so bad that you can't tell me." James tried for a small smirk and Lily lost it. What was so bad, huh, James being tortured and telling her he didn't really love her, her mum dying, her sister erasing her and calling her a freak, being tortured and having "mudblood" carved in her bloody arm!
"Alright James Potter, you want to know?! Well I'll tell you then!" She yelled. She was sobbing now as she told him, growing softer as she spoke, her whole nightmare. By the end she was sobbing and had to wipe her eyes.

Instead of saying anything James moved so they were sitting next to each other and put his arm around her and held her as she cried.

"Those are my worst fears, James…" She mumbled into his chest.

"It's very scary." He said calmly. "But Lily, none of it was real. I'm here, I love you, I haven't been tortured. Your mum never smoked and she doesn't have cancer. Your sister hasn't erased you. And you've not been tortured."

Lily nodded. "I know."

"Lils," he rubbed circles in her back, "I love you." James kissed her head and hugged her closer.

"I love you too." Lily tried to say, but the words got caught in her throat.

James stood and walked over to Lily's record player and put on a record.

Hey Jude came on slow and soft and James offered his hand. Lily laughed and got out of her bed and took his hand. The weight felt lifted from her chest. James danced her around the dorm both of them laughing and smiling.

When the song ended James turned the record player off and looked at Lily.

"Feeling better?"

"Much." Lily smiled at him.

This was exactly why Lily loved James. He hadn't tried to tell her to get over her silly dreams, hadn't gone into a rage to defend her. He had just tried to make her feel better.

A/N: Sorry this was another kind of sad one, but hopefully the end makes up for the sad dream. Let me know if you liked it!