Reset then Restart
"Shiro-Zangetsu" / "hollowfied vizards"
"Zangetsu-Ossan"
"Other people's zanpakuto talking"
"People mind talking to their zanpakuto"
"The average hollow speaking"
"Tensa Zangetsu"
Chapter 13, For we must continue forwards,
Forward, block, stab, dodge, slice, repeat. Over and over and over, ignore the clothes stuck to our body from drying blood. Ignore the faces of the people you may have spoken to here or there, given training tips to, knowing that they were going to be sent to there deaths not long afterwards anyways. Hold those dear to you as they breathe their last breathes. Listen to the words they give you before they leave. Never mentioning the increasing nauseous smell of death and decay.
Who was it this time? The girl that had just left the academy and should be training to become a seated officer, maybe a lieutenant or the one you had been so close to you consider them family.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Wake up.
Check the time, 1:47am. He flopped back down onto his bed breathing heavy breathes trying to get the buzzing in his ears and his spinning head to stop so he could get up and change, his clothes soaked with the sweat of yet another nightmare.
Looks like another trip to Urahara's or he could just stay here and sit awake on his bed. Getting up he tried to balance himself on his shaky legs feeling weakness try to threaten him to sit back down. The rest of the world was silent, some rays of moonlight filtering through his curtains. After a change of clothes he left his body on the bed looking at his starry ceiling.
It had been a project with Shinji, Love and Rose. The four of them had painted his ceiling to look like space with many bright stars and colourful galaxies. He personally liked it, many of his spiritually aware friends had been surprised when he had stated that he wanted it painted like that when they had asked. It had been an attempt to cheer him up out of one of his bouts of depression, his entire room had been repainted, given a new carpet and all furniture replaced with things that were new and expensive. Everyone had given some money towards it.
At least he had a desk chair now.
Getting out of his body he jumped out of the window, Akira was still with Urahara and would be for the rest of the week. Once he had found out how interesting the living world was compared to the realm he was forever stuck in he became determined to stay as here as long as possible. It was an amusing sight to watch Urahara panic around someone he didn't know how to act around.
But back to the sleeping problems. Plans were to go out and violently murder some hollows then go and bother geta-boshi with his life problems.
"King ya don't normally go botherin' others wit' ya problems when ya can help it so wha's te difference wit' geta-boshi?"
"You witnessed what happens when i didn't talk to anyone, I promised you didn't I? Well I don't break a promise. The least I can do is go talk to the candy scientist if it eases your minds." Both Zangetsu's had given their opinions on Ichigo's lack of relying on anybody multiple times. They had shoved the proof out into the open where it couldn't be ignored and told him to stop being an idiot.
"Ya don't change do ya?"
"Only a little. I'm most certainly more violent than I was before for one." As proved by he hollow he just pushed his arm through, shattering the mask and covering Ichigo in the contents of it's head. More darn blood as if he hadn't seen enough of it.
"This fucking stuff is everywhere! Kill a hollow, blood, Your friends are killed, more blood. You have a friendly spar, still more god damn fucking blood! For the love of all things holy why?"
"Ya di' just shove ya han' through its head... Anyway ya can't say anythin' until ya see te state ya inner worl' is in."
"My inner world?"
"Considerin' ya ain't paid us a visit for te last 15 years all I ca' say is tha' it's pretty fuckin' bad." Which he would just have to take Shiro's word for, after that incident he refused to go into his inner world and see what chaos had been unleashed in there.
On the edge of his senses he realised that someone was standing under one of the parks trees. Even without the glowing hair and eyes being there the man was still easily noticeable to Ichigo considering how easy it was for him to sense his friend. "Ichi what are you doing?" A new habit of Tsuki's was calling me Ichi. At least he hadn't called him berry-tan. Yet. Not that Ichigo could complain he got away with calling him Tsu.
"Violently killing things. Then going to Urahara's."
"Well that's enough killing for today I think. We are going to Urahara's now." It seemed that I didn't have a choice in the matter as I was promptly dragged to the small candy store.
"We are going to drag blood onto geta-boshi's floor. Again."
"Whatever he can clean it."
"Good point he's lazy."
Tsuki gave a small laugh at this, "Exactly my point Ichigo. Lesson one from the soul king, never do what someone else wants and always make other people do your bidding."
We both heard the clack of those wooden sandals on the floor and the snap of a fan, "What's this about me being lazy? And you have gotten blood all over my clean floor!"
"Bath."
Wait what was he going to do? I looked over my shoulder at him to attempt to work out the intentions of the child like King. I didn't succeed. I soon found out though as he pulled of his thick winter haori Kisuke had gotten him for the cooling weather and slung me over his shoulder. Even if he was child sized he still managed to do that. Then proceeded to where the bathroom was and threw me in a bath full of hot water and bubbles.
Here I was expecting to be frozen but nope. Just a nice warm bath with bubbles. And a bath it was. As to allow many people to use it at once Kisuke had made it big enough to fit ten people and its pipes were connected to the healing springs below to allow for healing without going down into the basement to do so.
"When was the last time you washed. And not those one minute ice cold showers you have to preserve the huge amounts of water your allowed to use but an actual warm bath lasting for more than five minutes. Your hair is beyond greasy and you reek." He did not look happy with me at all.
"Like... five years ago? Not including the time I spent without my memories... twenty or so years." More unimpressed looks from both Kisuke and Tsuki this time.
"Well first you will enjoy your bath. Then you will go into your inner world. Lesson two from the soul king, STOP NEGLECTING YOURSELF!" Never had I truly seen him angry on a subject that was not my adventures in war or Aizen and Yhwach. But to say that Tsuki was pissed would be a great understatement. "The last time you chose to eat properly of your own free will?"
Ichigo looked down at the water that was becoming increasingly more interesting. "Fourteen years..."
Tsuki carried on in this direction of prodding with my skills in self care. "When was the last time you actually did something for yourself just because you wanted to?"
"Twelve years... Give or take, could be longer."
I received a whack round the head, Kisuke looked more than mildly concerned and was probably plotting how to change that. Tsuki had already planned though as he suddenly jumped into the bath and started a fight, with bubbles.
"Oi don't leave me out!" Shiro materialised and jumped on both of them.
Kisuke looked increasingly more lost,"I'm not sure if this is a bath or a war zone." I threw the soap bar at him.
"Score! One point to me I hit him in the face!"
"Oi aibou is laughing!" And I was. It was rare but I was, I could feel the lightness in my heart and the slight ache in my chest for laughing so much. Here I was clothes soaked, covered in bubbles and laughing like the child I looked like. God if it didn't feel nice to just have some fun for once.
"Look Ichigo I know that you still need to train but at the moment there is no war going on. Have fun. Stop being depressed. The future will not change for the better if you walk towards it broken. Spend some time to heal for heaven's sake." Woah a sudden speech from Tsuki! But he was surprised. No one had told him that he could stop, that he could breathe and do his own thing. Not even my own spirits, it had never even come across our own minds. It felt wrong to decide it myself but if someone else was to tell him then... It didn't feel so bad. Zangetsu had been stunned into a silence just like my own and all three of us just stopped. We sat there completely still and reevaluated what the hell we were doing. Because Tsuki was right. Even though Aizen and Ywatch was alive they currently wasn't going to act. I was safe. Just for now nothing was going to try and kill me, no need to look out for his friends reiatsu every night to see if they were under attack.
Because they wouldn't be. Not yet.
"Hey it's ok." Ichigo then realised that he was crying. All of a sudden it hit him, everyone was alive. No one was currently fighting in that dreaded day in and day out battle that we called war. Akira put his hand on my shoulder to break me out of my thought, when I looked I saw that he was being honest. I looked to Kisuke he nodded at me. For the first time since his invasion into Seireitei to save Rukia he properly relaxed.
"Tha's... fine? Ta stop? Can we?" Shiro was near on silent, one of his rare moments of being afraid to act. It was then that both Akira and Kisuke looked pissed. Even the hollow of the three felt this way.
Unknown to Ichigo the two vowed to make sure that nothing like this would ever happen again; soul society would never bring a child into their own wars. Anyone who dared to do anything to Ichigo would suffer a slow and painful death.
"Yes, you can relax. Do your own thing because no one is going to stop you." Then Kisuke surprised me further when he sat down behind me and started the slow process of brushing through and washing my hair. It felt nice as Kisuke massaged his head at the same time. "You have such nice hair but you always end up with blood in it." While Kisuke was massaging his head he came across many knots even after brushing it that were shown every time the man's hands abruptly stopped because they got stuck. "Do you even brush this?" A small amount of curiosity hidden in his voice.
"Sometimes. Takes up time that I could be using to do other things."
"Like the moping I found you doing?" Tsuki often seemed to find his pain amusing.
"I wasn't moping! I was keeping the hollow population down to respectable levels."
"Right of course."
"Tsu?"
"Yup."
"Where did you learn sarcasm."
"Shiro."
"I can tell."
After the bath which included many more jabs at Ichigo's skill at looking after himself they sat around the table while Ichigo went into his inner world for the first time since Rukia's death.
Feeling the common and well known sensation of falling stop he opened his eyes and was shocked at the difference but not surprised at the fact that it was in fact different. Standing on the side of one of his inner worlds many skyscrapers the wild blowing his long hair over his face he looked around at all the changes. Many of the buildings had fallen down reduced to piles of rubble and glass, tall spires of steel protruding from the ground. Those that had not fallen were lined with thick branches of ice the once calm area's of water that had once laid at the bottom had been replaced with raging rivers of blood, the metallic smell of death assaulting my nose, they crashed against the skyscrapers attempting to knock them down. Covering his entire world were thick blankets of snow. The sky was night with thick near black clouds that spread above him causing thunder and lightning, but no rain.
There was only one area in his inner world that still had its previous calm. That was where his worlds replica of the Kurosaki clinic sat. Around the building was a ten meter thick dome of reiatsu and ice that would only open to let him pass through.
Within the dome the clinic looked like it would on a winters day with slowly falling fluffy white snow from the small amounts of white clouds at the top, the pond of water was clear and the blood river did not reach into this space.
"Yo aibou." Shiro was doing his usual energetic wave (I swear he was more Shiba than I am) and Zangetsu-Ossan did his polite nod.
It seemed that he had found a pole to stick into the ground within the safety bubble as he was currently stood atop it. Within the bubble was his inner worlds only tree and Ossan was under it like the tree loving person he was.
"Has she woken up?" Moving to a different subject as no one wanted to address the elephant that was Ichigo's mental state.
"Not yet. She has been placed within the houses guest room." Ossan said sorrowfully, everyone knew that Zangetsu-Ossan and Sode No Shirayuki got on very well.
Sode No Shirayuki had been in his inner world for the entirety of the fifthteen years he had not been.
Rukia had died to save his life.
Rukia had died giving away a part of her own soul to Ichigo.
Rukia had died without her Zanpakuto.
15 years Ago, Ichigo,
"KARIN! YUZU! DON'T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING TO THEM!" Ichigo was begging them, Aizen to just leave his sisters alone. Not that he would but at this point anything would be better than this.
Aizen smiled his cruel empty smile at me and spoke, "No. Ichigo you will watch as I remove everything which holds you back." He then ordered Nnoitra to act.
First Karin who was screaming for me to just run, leave them there and run. He couldn't move at all. His sisters body broken with the bones of her neck protruding through her skin. Hollow eyes looking back at him, accusing him. Then Yuzu with her sweet smile that was like her mothers, told him that at least she would be able to go join those that we had lost.
"Hey Karin had been so guilty and depressed about Toshiro, she can apologize like she wanted to now."
Nnoitra cut of her head and threw it at the ground in front of me, more blood. Again and again. Yuzu's blood this time, sticking his fringe down to his face.
"Now get up Ichigo, fight, do you worst. Realise that you will never win just like those around you have."
I looked up at him his words just distant echoes in the back of my mind.
"Eh?"
"ICHIGO KILL HIM! TAKE THEM ALL APART AND THROW THEM INTO HELL! HOW DARE THEY TOUCH THEM! LAUGH AND SMILE AT US! REMOVE THEM SO THEY ARE NEVER SEEN AGAIN!" In my mind I heard my hollows collapse and sudden whine of pain. Why? Didn't he want to destroy everything I ever cared about? I then realised what the cause was for the hollows whining and rocking back and forth within my mind. He was trying to keep his instincts in check.
"Hey king please... do something." Was he in pain? Ichigo did not register the crashing within his mind and the panicked calls from Zangetsu as his inner world started to fall apart.
Black started to crawl across my vision, his hollow was losing the battle with his instincts but Ichigo could not bring himself to care. He had failed. He embraced the loss of control with a happy sadness, he did not want to be able to think and watch what had just happened before him.
"It's ok just let go of it. Im tired hollow. No... let me call you Shiro."
"Ok. Thank you."
He closed his eyes and welcomed the darkness.
When he opened them again Aizen was gone and the small amounts of body left near Ichigo was guessed to be Nnoitra. His eyes felt heavy and every movement was slow and sluggish.
"Ichigo!" He slowly turned his head towards the source of the sound.
"Rukia?" She stopped when she saw what was near me and gave a small gasp putting her hand to her face. Rukia had started crying, she had been close to the twins.
He took a few steps towards her and collapsed, his legs not able to handle his weight any longer. Each limb was filled with numbness and shaking.
"ICHIGO! Are you alright? Let's get you to the forth!"
"Rukia there dead! He killed them in front of me, Yuzu was so peaceful. They told me to run!" He was crying and laughing, covered in blood of others put together with how he was acting he could only guess that he looked like an entire new level of insane.
Warm arms wrapped around me and I felt a familiar pressure in my chest. "What are you doing?"
"Shhh, it's ok. Do you forget? Our spirit ribbons have been stitched together with our powers from that very first day, I can sense what is going on within your soul. If you keep this up you will die." What was she doing. Wait... NO nonono not her please not her. Her black Shihakusho started to fade to white.
"Look after her for me will you, I know that you are no longer capable of loving someone but know that I love you Ichigo, win this for us will you? At least tell them I died fighting, I would not want you to suffer because of my own choice." She raised her hand to my face and placed her forehead against my own her cool temperature felt nice against the feverish heat of my own body. She gently brushed her hand through my hair pushing it back so she could see my eyes. "Goodbye Ichigo."
With that she became still and I felt Sode No Shirayuki join Shiro and Zangetsu, patching up what was left of my soul. The sky mourned the loss of three souls so kind, rain hitting against my face as I once again lost those close to me, this time someone who had been guest in my own soul. A perk from once handing me her powers.
"RUKIA!"
Present time, Ichigo,
Shaking his head of such thoughts Ichigo continued to look around.
Sode No Shirayuki was the cause of the great amounts of snow and ice present. She was the one who had stopped his soul from completely falling apart putting herself into a comatose state. There was a chance that Shirayuki would never be able to be wielded as a zanpakuto again considering how she had been torn from her wielder causing damage to her very core. Ichigo didn't even know if she would ever wake up.
Ichigo had never told anyone the cause of Rukia's death. He felt like a coward.
"King don't." A common reminder. Don't. Don't think about those things. Don't save that person we will die, don't stop moving forwards.
He hated the word.
"Has she gained any reiatsu at all since coming here?"
At this Ossan perked up a bit, must be good knews then. "Yes she has. A few years ago she had only been losing reiatsu but the energy released from the time travel seems to have done something. Since then her reiatsu level has been slowly increasing."
"Woul' ya look at tha', 'e spoke many words withou' it bein' a speech or in riddles!"
"So he did." Ossan wasn't the most talkative of people and usually spoke in what Shiro had dubbed his riddle speech.
"How long had my inner world been in such a state?" He could guess to an exact time but he wanted confirmation.
"Since i' started ta break. It's scary ta think tha' we would be a lil more tha' unstable wit'out Shirayuki."
A sentiment that was shared between all three of them.
"Well I guess we could try some kaido on her?"
Ossan nodded happily.
Tsuki,
He was concerned. Still. Probably would be for the rest of Ichigo's life. His friend was absolutely crazy pulling weird shit all the time. But he did not like seeing what Ichigo had been doing, something that he had noticed was how violent Ichigo got when he was upset and frustrated. This could include his friends if it got to bad so it had to be dealt with quickly. Sometimes his allies managed to tip him a little to far; there was many shinigami that had died to his hand.
There was also those very faint almost unnoticeable lines on his body. It was probably something to do with the time travel, Tsuki could only hope that it wouldn't become to visible before Rukia's arrival.
Ichigo's absence from his inner world was shown by his shifting and slight groans at stiff legs. Small streams of moonlight come in through the window, his eyes reflected an icy blue.
"You was in there a while, is everything alright?"
Ichigo seemed a little uncomfortable and looked very tired, sadness creeping into his eyes once again. Despite this he shared anyways. "I'm fine, it has just changed a lot is all. It was strange."
"Makes sense you change and your inner world will to."
"I know. Just feels weird." Ichigo seemed honestly uncomfortable at the change, it was understandable as Tsuki could guess that the change would not be subtle and would probably be a little jarring to witness. "It seems that even my inner world has a thing for blood." Ah that was probably why. Ichigo had seen a god awful amount of the stuff.
Akira couldn't say that Ichigo hated blood it just reminded him of things best left forgotten. Ichigo huffed and got up, made tea, paced around the room, sat back down and thumped his head against the table. Twice.
"Your going to damage your head Ichi."
"Shut up Tsu. My head is already damaged."
"What happened?"
He huffed again and looked at me keeping his chin rested on the table. "Shirayuki still hasn't woken up."
Shirayuki? He searched his memory for a Shirayuki. Ah young Kuchiki's zanpakuto, Sode No Shirayuki. But why would Ichigo have her?
My confusion must have shown on my face as Ichigo quickly explained the circumstances. "At one point during the war when... uh... my sisters... well. Ya know. Well my inner world started to fall apart." Ichigo then sat up properly and took a deep breath his voice shaky,"Rukia's cause of death was not from an attack but from saving me By placing Shirayuki in my soul it stopped my death but... it killed her." At the end of his explanation Ichigo placed his head in his hands and sobbed.
Akira was never good at knowing how to act with other people's emotions. He just took a random guess on what he should do and sort of... awkwardly hugged him. It worked and Ichigo seemed to calm down a bit. Tsuki knew that Rukia and Ichigo had been close, best of friends Rukia had probably loved him but she knew that Ichigo had long ago forgotten how to love. The only type of love he knew was his love for family and his zanpakuto spirits. But that was all.
"What have I just walked into?" Kisuke wandered into the room confused as to what had happened between the two. It was not everyday that you say a time traveler break down crying in your living room being confronted by the Soul King. Only Akira and Ichigo.
Tsuki turned and glared at the man, "Nothing is happening here, ignore us." He then gave Urahara a dismissal by waving his hand slightly.
"Yoruichi! Where are you I have been dismissed from my own home!" The speech was accompanied with a very Shiba looking flailing of arms and running about. It seemed that what Urahara was doing was working as Ichigo started to laugh.
"Hey we don't need you to start acting like goat face now!"
"Stop being depressed then!" Urahara pointed his closed fan at Ichigo.
"Ok I can at least try."
Rukia no! I managed to make myself sad. Why do I do this.
See ya in the next chapter! -Luna