Chapter song: Swelling by Sarah Jaffe
When I woke up the next morning, I was met with Nebula standing over me staring at me like I was some strange creature who both intrigued and disgusted her. I stared back at her with a similar look on my face, blinking lazily as I became accustomed to the light. I sat up yawning and scratched my head, which made Nebula's face scrunch up even more in distaste.
"Is there a reason why you're here?" I asked, becoming increasingly annoyed by the looks she was giving me.
"Ronan requires your presence," she said through pursed lips as she watched me rub my eyes.
"Well you can tell him I don't want to see him," I said bitterly as I crossed my arms. It was way too early in the morning to deal with Ronan right now. Plus, I was still pissed off by what he did to me yesterday.
"I am not a messenger, Terran. You have five minutes," she said loudly as she stood over me. She honestly looked like she was going to hurt me if I didn't comply.
I angrily threw back the sheets, glaring at Nebula while doing so, and grabbed the one-piece suit. I also noticed a new pair of black boots that appeared to be my size. I grabbed those too and continued storming into the bathroom. After brushing my teeth and getting dressed, I was ready in exactly five minutes as instructed. When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw her standing by the large door waiting for me, looking annoyed as always. She opened the door and walked into the hallway without saying a word.
I had to jog to keep up with her as she walked unreasonably fast through the complex hallways. Finally we stopped when we reached a large, heavy-looking door. As I stood there slightly out of breath from jogging, Nebula typed something into the control pad which caused the door to slide open, and proceeded to push me inside. I turned around to say something cheeky to her, but the door was already closing.
I turned around to see a large dining table in front of me, brimming with plates of delicious-looking food. My stomach growled hungrily as I eyed a tray of luscious fruit and pastries. I subconsciously licked my lips as I walked towards the table, not even bothering to look around the room.
I eagerly picked up a plump fruit that looked like a plum and felt my mouth water in response. As I bit into the fruit, I felt its juice run down my chin and I groaned in pleasure at the delectable flavor. When I was done I quickly picked up an oval pastry that was drizzled with something sweet. Just as my teeth bit into the pastry, I happily discovered it was filled with a cream that tasted like chocolate.
"Oh my god," I whispered as I closed my eyes, savoring the heavenly familiar taste. I started slowly licking the sweet, sticky glaze off my fingers.
"Do you always eat like this?" Ronan asked loudly, sounding slightly annoyed. I immediately started choking on the pastry at the sound of his voice, completely caught off guard.
I looked up to find Ronan sitting at the head of the table, leaning back in his chair with his hands tightly gripping the arms. His eyes burned with something I did not recognize, and his mouth was slightly turned down as he watched me. He looked frustrated, but I had no idea what I had done to make him that way.
"I - I didn't know you were already here," I said as I cleared my throat and sat down on the opposite side of the table. I stared at the food now suddenly feeling disappointed.
"You may continue," he said authoritatively from across the table.
"I'm full," I said frowning at him. Truthfully, I was nowhere near full and the food in front of me was begging me to devour it. I stared longingly at the tray of pastries sitting before me and I swallowed as my mouth began salivating. The action did not go unnoticed by Ronan.
"Eat the food," he said, starting to become irritated. He leaned forward in his chair, his eyes becoming heavy with impatience.
Reluctantly, I started picking food from the other trays and placing them on the empty plate in front of me. Soon my plate was full of pastries, fruits, and a few other foods I wasn't quite familiar with but they looked tasty. Before I could even enjoy the food, I began thinking about yesterday, and my appetite quickly diminished. I sat there staring at my plate scowling and picking at the food. I could feel Ronan's eyes on me the entire time.
"Your childish sulking is testing my patience," he said angrily after a few minutes of silence.
"Oh, I'm sorry! I was just thinking about yesterday - you know when you almost raped me. How rude of me," I said harshly, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I stared at him defiantly as his eyes widened at my outburst. I could see his nostrils flaring with anger as he sat there staring at me.
"I never should have resorted to such primitive methods," he said bitterly as he looked down at the table. "And for that I apologize," he said resentfully, his gaze drifting back to my face. Obviously he wasn't used to apologizing, because he honestly sucked at it.
I couldn't help but stare at him as I became lost for words. His apology was awful but it was also completely unexpected, and I wondered why he even bothered. He's supposed to be a monster. Monsters don't apologize when they hurt people – they devour them without a second thought. Clearly there was an ulterior motive behind his words, and I was not going to let my guard down.
"You are sorry," I scoffed disbelievingly as I continued to stare at him with doubt. My head slightly tilted to the side in disbelief and curiosity as I looked at the man before me. I was becoming utterly confused by his contradictory actions.
"I will not repeat myself, Terran. This topic is closed for discussion," he said as his brow deepened and his mouth turned down in a scowl.
"But you," I started to say.
"I said ENOUGH," he roared from across the table, slamming his fist down.
His unexpected explosion of fury startled me so badly I dropped my fork onto the floor and jumped back in my seat, staring at him with wide, surprised eyes. I continued to sit there staring at him with my mouth drawn tight, not sure what he was going to do next. Only when he removed his fist from the table was I able to relax, and only then did I notice I had been holding my breath. I took a deep breath and slowly I began eating again, carefully avoiding his gaze as I did so. After ten minutes of tense, awkward silence, I timidly looked up at Ronan and dared to ask him a question.
"Ronan," I said questioningly as my fingers nervously picked at the pastry on my plate.
"Go on," he said slowly, his mouth turning down into a frown.
"Why did you hate the Xandarians so much?" I asked, looking back down at my plate. I didn't want him to think I was trying to start another fight, but I felt like I deserved to know why he destroyed an entire planet.
"The Xandarians and my people, the Kree, were at war for one-thousand years," he said as he leaned back in his chair. The serious tone of his voice caused me to look up at him as I became genuinely intrigued, and I patiently waited for him to continue.
"They murdered my father. They slaughtered my people. They assumed themselves and their paltry gods superior, and tried to hide their murderous acts behind a wretched peace treaty," he said, his face contorted as if the thought repulsed him.
"However, my government and my people do not forgive so easily. Their culture was an abomination to the galaxy, but at last we are cured of the Xandarian plague," he said triumphantly as his eyes glowed with pride.
"Oh," I said after he was finished. After hearing his explanation I really didn't know what else to say. His motives for destroying Xandar were valid and I could understand his desire for vengeance. It still wasn't right what he did, but I could now see why he did it. I continued sitting there at the table, quietly picking at my pastry while Ronan watched me.
"So… are you going to let me go now?" I asked hopefully, although I was pretty sure I knew the answer.
"No, you are my prisoner," he said nonchalantly as his eyes closely regarded my face.
"Why?" I asked with exasperation. "I haven't done anything!" I exclaimed.
"You are guilty of stealing and destroying Kree military property," he answered seriously. His baritone voice filled the room as he spoke, causing me to slightly tremble with fear.
"You're just finding a reason to keep me here," I retorted as I stood up and leaned forward on the table with my hands. From this position I was finally able to look down at Ronan and it felt invigorating to be the one looking down instead of always looking up. Ronan's eyes turned dark as he sensed my newly founded confidence.
"As the Kree Empire's Supreme Accuser, I cannot let your actions go unpunished," he said as he raised himself up, silently reminding me that he could easily squash me. "You will serve your time as my attendant. Your training begins today. Outside, you will find Nebula waiting for you," he said looking down at me from across the table.
"No," I said shaking my head. "This is bullshit! I'm not going," I yelled angrily as I stomped towards the door. Within seconds I felt a hand roughly turn me around and push me against the wall. Ronan's right hand tightly held my jaw and tilted my head backwards so I was looking up at him.
"If you do not go, you will regret it. That is a promise," he threatened while he tightened his grip.
"What, are you going to rip my clothes off again?" I shouted as tears rolled down my cheeks. I really resented myself for always crying when I'm angry.
"You are naïve if you believe that is the worst thing I can do to you," he said with a sneer. I felt one of his fingers on the left side of my face slowly move upwards. As I stood there looking up at him, I noticed he was closely watching a tear roll down my face, and his finger gently wiped it away. The tender action brought back the memory of his hand brushing against my cheek last night before I fell asleep.
"Hey, wait," I muttered abruptly, causing him to look down at me curiously. "You...you were in my room last night... I remember your hand on my cheek! Quit coming in my room when I'm fucked up," I said indignantly as I pushed his hand away. He straightened himself up and looked down at me with his chin held high.
"Your imagination fills your head with absurd fantasies," he smugly replied. "Now go. Nebula is ready to begin your training," he said more forcefully. His fists tightened at his sides when I remained standing there staring at him defiantly with my hands on my hips. As he took a step forward, I caved and held up my hands in surrender.
"Fine, I'll go," I said, not even bothering to hide my irritation. I casually stepped around his body without even glancing at him and continued towards the door. My body grew hot as I felt his eyes burning into my back as I walked away.
When the doors closed behind me, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and silently cursed myself for the mess I had created. If I had never stolen that ship I would be free and on my way home right now. No, I actually didn't believe that at all. Ronan still would have found a reason to keep me here, but I wasn't entirely sure why he wanted me around anyways. I've been nothing but a problem for him since I arrived, so why hasn't he killed me? Why is he wiping my tears and stroking my face? I know I didn't imagine that. He was acting like he cared for me, but that couldn't possibly be true.
Just then Nebula appeared from around the corner, swinging her hips and smirking as she swaggered towards me. She didn't stop as she walked by me, so I took that as my cue to follow her. I shuffled along behind her as she led me through the dark hallway, only stopping when she stopped. We stood in front of a glass door that looked into a room which was lined with padding on the floors and walls. It reminded me of my childhood days when I used to take gymnastics lessons. She led me inside and stopped in the middle of the room.
"Shouldn't I be learning how to like answer the phone or clean laundry? He said I was going to be his attendant," I said unsurely as I looked around the room. Nebula stared at me as if I was speaking a foreign language.
"Ronan doesn't need a maid – he needs soldiers," she said while slowly circling around me. "You will first be trained in hand-to-hand combat and then we will move on to weapons," she said sounding bored.
"I'm not much of a fighter," I said quietly, not liking the way she was circling me.
"We'll see," she said sarcastically. As she finished speaking I saw her move, and then suddenly I was flat on my back looking up at the ceiling.
"What the fuck," I gasped as I slowly stood up rubbing my back.
"You must toughen up if you want to survive. You're not on Terra anymore," she said smugly as she began circling me again. I remained still as I tried to anticipate her next move.
I heard her before I actually saw her move. I quickly ducked down to the floor as I felt her leg fly above my head, and made the mistake of standing up too quickly as her other leg kicked me right in the stomach. I doubled over, grabbing my stomach as I felt a wave of nausea, and glared at Nebula who was giving me a taunting smile. I straightened back up and felt myself breathing heavier from the rage that was building inside me. Again, she began slowly circling me. However, before she could attack me first I decided to make the first move.
I dove for her waist and brought her down to the ground with me. We began rolling around fighting for dominance, until finally Nebula ended up on top with her knees pinning my arms to the ground.
"You would be dead right now if this were a real fight. What are you going to do? THINK, Terran," she said angrily as she slapped me across the face.
I lifted my legs up in the air and wrapped them around her neck, pulling her backwards off of me. With my arms free I was able to stand up and get into a defensive position. Nebula walked towards me smiling as she examined my body language.
"Turn your body more to the side. The less surface area you have exposed, the less likely you will get hit," she said jeeringly.
I promptly turned my body slightly and placed my feet shoulder-width apart, with my left foot in front and my right foot turned sideways. Nebula positioned my fists so that my left hand was in front of my chin and my right hand was pulled back in front of my right shoulder. She then began showing me how to throw punches, jabs, and kicks using my entire body. After almost two hours of practicing on the wall pads I was sweating and breathing heavily.
"You've learned the motions. Now try to hit me," she said seriously, but her eyes twinkled with amusement. She walked to the center of the room and stood there with her arms at her sides, waiting for me to come at her.
As I approached her she remained standing there with her arms at her sides, not even attempting to get into a defensive position. It was actually kind of insulting how unthreatened she was by my presence. I quickly threw my right fist towards her face, but only met air. She was standing at my side smiling.
"You flinch too much before you move. You need to be unpredictable," she said constructively as I turned to face her.
I tried twenty more times to hit her, but every time I never actually made contact with her. Apparently I was giving myself away before I even made a move. Thirty minutes later I was feeling extremely frustrated and panting with exhaustion. Nebula was also becoming irritated because I still hadn't achieved a single blow.
"You're getting slow," she said as she continued circling me like a shark. I stood there and wiped the sweat off my brow while I watched her circle around me. I put my hands on my knees and leaned over as I became suddenly dizzy.
"Pathetic," she spat, stopping in front of me.
I lunged forward and swung my left fist forward to jab her in the face, which she immediately blocked. I followed up with an uppercut with my right fist, which she also managed to block. It wasn't fair how fast she was.
"You are-," she started to say, but I miraculously cut her short.
Just as she began circling me again, I unexpectedly landed a sidekick to her face, which caused her to stumble backwards a little bit. I started laughing proudly as I watched her look at me in shock. I fell down to the floor feeling completely drained and closed my eyes as I tried to catch my breath.
"It's about time," she said sarcastically as she stood over me. "That's enough for today," she said roughly pulling me up by my arm. I winced at her tight grip but didn't argue because I was too exhausted to care. She continued holding onto my arm until we reached my room five minutes later.
When I entered my room my nose was filled with the mouthwatering scent of steak. I walked over to the tray on my nightstand and lifted the lid to find a thick, juicy piece of dark meat. There was also a green vegetable that looked like okra and some kind of succotash that consisted of unfamiliar vegetables and fruits. I swiftly sat down on my bed and began eating the hearty meal. The meat obviously wasn't beef, but it was surprisingly tender and tasted amazing. The green vegetable tasted sweet and very similar to corn. The succotash was unexpectedly tangy and reminded me of mango salad.
I stood up smiling, fully satisfied from the meal I had just eaten, and contentedly rubbed my stomach. I started walking to the bathroom and began stripping my clothes off as I went, leaving a trail of garments behind me. I stepped into the tile shower and turned on the waterfall showerhead, closing my eyes as a wall of water came flowing down on my face.
Being Ronan's prisoner honestly wasn't the worst thing that could happen to me; I ate delicious food, I had a soft bed, and my bathroom was basically a mini-spa. I missed my family and friends though, and I wondered if I would ever see them again. I also missed things I never thought I would miss such as internet, television, and music. I smiled as I remembered the fact that I could create music anytime I wanted to. I closed my eyes and began singing one of my favorite songs, enjoying the way my voice echoed in the shower. I was not a good singer by any means, but showers always made me sound somewhat decent, and there was no one around so I didn't care.
You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
You think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you
I opened my eyes when I was done and smiled sadly to myself. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer as memories of home filled my mind. I quietly cried in the shower while I finished washing off the sweat and grime from earlier today. Never in my life had I ever been so exhausted before. It wasn't just the fact that I was physically tired, but my mind and soul felt drained as well. I felt like I was nearing a breaking point and soon I would fall off the edge. It took every ounce of power inside of me to hold myself together. I tiredly stepped out of the shower, wrapped myself in one of the silky towels, and began brushing my teeth at the sink.
I walked out of the bathroom with my eyes half-closed, looking down at the floor. I was so overwhelmingly tired I couldn't wait to just collapse on the fluffy mattress. When I was five feet from my bed I saw a large, black boot which made my heart immediately start pounding. My gaze drifted upwards to find Ronan sitting on the edge of my bed, silently watching me as he stared at me inquisitively. My hands instinctively tightened their grip around my towel, but I continued staggering towards him.
I stopped when I stood right in front of him, placing myself in between his parted knees, and stared at him for the first time at eye level. I was so tired of feeling afraid and at the moment I was on the brink of a mental breakdown, so I really just wanted to be left alone. I could feel the lump in my throat growing as I suppressed the sobs that begged to escape me.
"Whatever you're going to do, just do it," I said quietly with half-closed eyes. I felt my eyes betray me as they filled with tears. Would I ever stop crying?
"I haven't come to hurt you if that is what you're implying," he said irritably as his brow furrowed.
"Then why are you here?" I asked, closing my eyes as my voice slightly cracked. As I felt my bottom lip begin to tremble, I started to turn away, but Ronan prevented me by grabbing my upper arms.
"What is wrong?" he asked seriously as he held me there. At this point I couldn't speak so I remained standing there softly shaking my head.
"Silvia," he warned, gently shaking me. The sound of my name on his lips was both alluring and saddening, but I had no idea why. I shook slightly as tears began escaping from beneath my closed lids.
"Tell me," he said assertively, his voice growing rough with impatience. When I opened my eyes I saw him staring at me, but he didn't look angry like I thought he would. He looked confused and frustrated, and that is what caused me to lose all control.
"I'm so tired," I said in a high, strained voice. I began crying and hid my face in my hands. "My life isn't supposed to be like this. I was about to graduate from university with honors. I was supposed to get married and have kids," I said emotionally. "I miss my family and friends. I'm so alone here," I cried as my body became racked with sobs.
I didn't care if I appeared weak in front of him because he'd already seen me at my worst. There was nothing else he could do or say to me to make me feel any worse than I did at this moment. I continued standing there in front of him crying until I eventually calmed down enough to uncover my face. I looked down at the floor rubbing my eyes and nose, feeling embarrassed now over my emotional scene. I slowly looked up at him and found him staring intensely at me, like he wanted to say something but couldn't. His mouth was slightly parted and his eyes were filled with something I couldn't place. Perhaps pity or shame, maybe even disgust, but I didn't quite know.
He stood up and turned around, pulling the sheets and comforter down on the bed. He then turned around to face me again and guided me into the bed without saying a word. I eagerly climbed into the bed looking forward to the escape sleep would offer me. As I pulled the comforter over my body, I reached underneath the sheets and pulled my towel off of me. I didn't care if he knew I was naked. I preferred sleeping this way and I didn't give a damn what he thought. I saw him smirk as he sat back down on the edge of the bed next to me, and I suddenly remembered he never answered my question.
"Ronan, why are you here?" I asked quietly as I looked up at him. He stared at me for a few seconds until his hand reached towards my face and I felt him pull a strand of hair away from my eyes. His expression was serious, but detached, as his mind was obviously transfixed on something else.
"Ronan…" I whispered, my heart fluttering. Why was he acting like this? I thought he hated me – he always acted like he did. This was the same man who broke my finger, knocked me unconscious, and made me his prisoner.
"I heard you in the shower," he said, suddenly looking away. "I thought something was wrong," he muttered, and I instantly felt my face turn red with embarrassment. That bad, huh? I thought as I cringed slightly. I've never let anyone listen to me sing before, and his response was exactly the reason why.
"Did you compose it?" he asked somberly as he stared straight ahead.
I sat there waiting for him to look at me again, but his eyes remained locked on the wall in front of him as if he were lost in thought. He looked like he was thinking about something that troubled him, and I suddenly had the urge to hold his hand. Wait, why would I want to do that? Of course, I was not going to do that because I knew it would be crazy. I shouldn't even be thinking about him like that anyways – he was my captor and I was his prisoner. My feelings of loneliness and isolation were clearly clouding my judgment…right? I mean, there was no way I could have any sort of feelings for the man – not after everything he has put me through…right?
I stared at him with wide eyes, mortified by the thoughts I was having.
As he turned to look at me, his facial expression transformed from calm to alarmingly confused, with his eyebrows drawn together as he studied my face. I realized I must have looked absolutely crazy staring at him with my eyes wide and my mouth hanging open. I quickly closed my eyes and relaxed my face as I pulled myself together.
"No, I didn't compose it," I said, quickly remembering that he asked me a question. He continued to stare at me skeptically while I fiddled with the bed sheets. I dramatically yawned, hoping he would take the hint and leave me alone before I did anything I would regret. My heart fluttered in my chest as he stood up and frowned down at me, looking like he was trying to figure out what just happened.
"Goodnight," I said, overly cheerful. At that moment I really wanted to slap myself across the face for being such an idiot. His eyes narrowed at me questioningly before he silently turned and strode out of the room.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
What are you doing, Silvia?
As promised, I have updated only 6 days later! The reviews definitely motivated me, so keep them coming! :)
Only 11 days into the story and I already have 6 chapters. I think I'm a little obsessed.
Things between Ronan and Silvia are becoming complicated. What's going to happen? ;)
BTW - the song Silvia was singing is called "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars - check it out!