It was a lovely sunny day in the town of Royal Woods, and the bank teller was at the bank doing his job. "Next!" he called out. He then saw Lola rushing to his desk, causing him to say, "Oh no!"
"Hey James!" Lola greeted. "How's my favorite money man?"
"Lola, what can I do for you?"
"The new Blarney cards come out today!" Lola smiled. "So I need to take out some money."
James groaned, "Let me see your bank book."
"Sure thing, James," Lola smiled, taking out her bank book.
"Nice bunnies," James said, looking at the book.
"I know," Lola responded. "It's so embarrassing." Then she whispered, "I wanted the one with the kittens on it."
"Right," James said, pulling out Lola's money. "Here you are, dear."
"Thank you," Lola smiled. She then checked out the card. "James, this one is wrinkled. I couldn't possibly give this to Blarney. It simply won't do."
"I don't think they go directly to Blarney, Lola," James stated. "But here. Try this one," he said, handing Lola a dollar.
Lola sniffed the dollar and said, "This one smells funny."
Yolanda, one of the customers, then called out, "Come on! Would ya hurry up?"
Then a robber called out, "Yeah! Some of us have withdrawals to make, you know."
With that, all the customers started to complain about the fact that Lola was holding up the entire line.
"Well, I'll have you know that this is for Blarney," Lola explained. "And I am not leaving until I have money that shows him the proper respect." Before Lola could say another word, she got kicked out of the bank. "Whoa!" she cried out.
With that, all the customers cheered, happy they weren't dealing with Lola holding up the line anymore.
Later that day, Lola and Lana were at the comic book store.
"One, two, three, four..." Lana counted.
"Hey, Lana," Lola greeted. "Are you counting up your change for a pack of Blarney trading cards?"
"No, I'm thinking about buying this book on counting," Lana told Lola. "Three, four. What's gonna happen next? FIVE? Holy super happy fun time! This book's good! I'll take it! One, two, three..."
"One pack of Blarney cards, please," Lola said to the comic book dealer.
With that, the comic book dealer gave Lola a pack of cards.
"All right!" Lola cheered.
"Not so fast!" the comic book dealer suddenly said. "Where's my dollar?"
Lola handed the comic book dealer a dollar and said, "Here you are, my good sir!"
"Here you go, my dear," the comic book dealer smiled.
"Seventeen..." Lana said.
"So shiny and smooth!" Lola yelled, rubbing the card against her face and smelling it. "Oh!" she smiled while opening the pack of cards. "Ooh! Blarney's bubble powered wheelchair from season 12! And his foot! Holy cow! It's the dentures that Blarney used to pop a bubble in episode 402! Wow! These must be the most valuable cards in the whole world! I'll treasure them forever!"
The comic book dealer then laughed, "Those cards ain't worth nothin! I wouldn't even put them cards near the spokes of my bike! If you wanna see the card I'm talkin about, check this one out! This is the super rare platinum hologram animated talking card: number 54."
Then a voice said, "Blarney says..." Then Blarney started doing a dance.
"Buy more cards!" Blarney suddenly yelled.
"There are only 5 in existence," the comic book dealer said.
"How much is it for just this one?" Lola asked.
"This one's just a display," the comic book dealer said. "If you want the real one, you'll have to buy as many packs as you can and hope you get lucky."
Lola then bought another pack and said, "Oh, I have a good feeling about this one. Come on! And it's... not there." She then threw the cards and bought more. She checked them out and said, "No." She then continued until there weren't any cards left. She then whined, "I'll never get card number 54!"
"Ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred!" Lana counted. She then whined, "I hate counting! Just give me what he's having! Let's see what card I got. Is this a good card, Lola?"
"No, it's just another..." Lola began.
The voice from earlier then said again, "Blarney says..."
Then Blarney yelled again, "Buy more cards!"
"Card number 54!" Lola yelled. "That's the best card there is!"
"It sure does a good job, alright," Lana said, flossing her teeth with the card.
"AAH!" Lola shrieked. "Lana, you're picking your teeth with it!"
"I'm preventing gingivitis," Lana told her sister.
"Lana!" Lola yelled. "That's the ultra rare number 54 talking card! It's really valuable and there's only 5 in existence! Do you understand why you need to take care of it?"
"Yes, ma'am," Lana said, continuing to pick her teeth with the card.
The twins both walk out of the store.
"I can't let anything happen to that card," Lola said. "Blarney will never forgive me! Lana, watch out! You almost tripped on that crack!" Lola then put a tiny seat belt on Lana's hand. "Whew!" she said. "Now watch where you're going!"
"Alright," Lana said. "Thanks, Lols."
Then a bus drove towards a mud puddle on the road next to them. "Lana! Look out!" Lola yelled as she jumped in front of Lana to avoid mud hitting the card, getting covered in mud in the process. Then a log of mud slid out of her mouth. "That was close."
Lana giggled, "Lola fly!"
"Lana, this is serious!" Lola cried out. "You're carrying precious cargo now! You can't wander aimlessly around like you've been..."
Before Lola could finish her sentence, Lana said, "What?" She was walking into the pool.
"The card!" Lola shrieked as she jumped into the water and stopped the card from going underwater as she picked up Lana as she sunk. She carried her to the other side, and then put her down. "Lana, why'd you just walk into the pool?"
"Lola, you can't always expect my usual brand of stupidity," Lana told her sister. "I like to mix it up. Keep you on your toes." She then fell from a construction site and almost landed on fire.
"AAH!" Lola shrieked as she jumped into a crane, saved Lana and dragged her back to the Loud House. "Here we are!" she smiled. "Home sweet home! And nothing happened to the card."
"Good job, Lola," Lana smiled. "Now just let me get my keys." She then pulled out an ice cream cone. "Nope." Then she pulled out a key. "There you are. I knew you were in there somewhere."
"The super rare Blarney trading card!" Lola shrieked. "Where is it? Where is it? Dear God! You didn't put it in your pocket, did you? It's getting all bent up! Bent up!" She then started to wail, "Bent up! Bent up! Bent, bent, bent, bent up!"
"Jesus!" Lana yelled. "Don't get your dress in a pink knot, Lola. I don't even believe in pockets. I keep everything I need right in here! In the folds of my butt." She then pulled the card out of her butt. "You seem to be pretty fond of this little thing. Why don't you just keep it?"
"You mean..." Lola sniffed. "You'd give me your most valuable possession?"
"I'd give you my most valuable possession," Lana smiled. With that, the twins hugged.
"You're the best twin ever," Lola told her sister.
"I'm the best twin ever," Lana repeated. "But can you do me a favor?"
"Sure sis," Lola said. "Anything for you."
"Do you mind if I hold onto it?" Lana asked. "Just for today?"
"Sure, Lana," Lola sighed.
"Good," Lana said. "'Cause Dad changed the lock again."
"Lana, wait!" Lola yelled. "Let me call a locksmith."
"Oh, I don't need any locksmith," Lana said, picking the lock with the card.
"Uh, Lana? Don't ya think that maybe you shouldn't..." Lola began.
Lana then grunted, causing the door to open. "This card is fantastic!" she said. Her stomach then began to growl. "Breaking and entering sure makes a tomboy hungry. Why don't we eat some dinner. Then I will give you your card." She then grabbed a barbecue grill and said, "EEW! This barbecue's really filthy. But this'll take care of it."
"No Lana!" Lola yelled. "Let me clean it!"
"Now, now, Lola, I know you wanna help, but you're just a princess," Lana told her. With that, she scraped the grill with the talking card. "There! Nice and shiny!" Lola's lips began to quiver and her eyes were wide in shock. Lana then used a stick to scrape the card like a match. While the card was smoking, Lana blew on it until it was on fire. She burned the charcoal rocks with it. Lola was not happy.
"Lana!" Lola yelled. "The card! It's on fire!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Lana said. "I'll take care of it." She then spit of the card to put the fire out. "There!" she said. "Good as new!"
Lola looked at the saliva on the card and said, "EEW!"
Lana then started to flip burgers with the card. "Dinner is served," she said as she put 2 cheeseburgers on the card. As Lana ate her cheeseburger, Lola grabbed her burger, but the melted cheese was stuck to the card, so she pulled it off, getting cheese all over it. A bubble in the cheese bursts up and pops, destroying the card's talking feature.
Blarney then garbled as the card broke, "More cards..."
Lana then burped and said, "Oh! Pardon me! That hit the spot!" She then wiped her face with the card like it was a napkin, getting cheese all over it. "Hey!" Lana said. "Look at that!" She was watching the sun set over the horizon. "Sundown already? Well, you can have your card now. I hope you get as much use out of it as I have."
Lola started to whine about her card as it started to short circuit.
Blarney then said one more time, "More cards..." Then the card disintegrates into a pile of black dust on Lola's hand as the music from the card warps down.
Lola then whined, "It's ruined!" She then ran around all over the yard crying about the card.
Lana walked up to her twin and asked, "Lola, what's wrong?"
Lola sniffled, "I'll never have Blarney card number 54, the special talking one!"
Lana hugged Lola and said, "Sure you will!"
"No!" Lola yelled. "I spent all my money, and you bought the last pack! So there's no more left in Royal Woods!"
"Well how about these?" Lana said, grabbing 4 trading cards.
The announcer then said, "Blarney says..." Blarney then did his dance on all 4 cards.
Then on all 4 cards at the same time, Blarney yelled, "Buy more cards!"
Lola then whispered, "Number 54!" Then she yelled in excitement, "Lana, where did you get these!"
"Well, that pack I bought was full of them!" Lana told her sister.
Lola then made one last sniffle as she stopped crying and said, "May I have one?"
"They're all yours, sis," Lana told her. "See ya tomorrow!"
That made Lola feel better, so she said in a happy tone, "Wow!"
"Lola, can I borrow one of those cards?" Lana asked. "We're both locked out again."
THE END!