A few weeks before Christmas, Donna leaves the city after a big fight with Harvey and they're both struggling to survive without each other. Post canon.
...
Harvey wakes up to the annoying sound of his alarm, he's still consumed by sleep and once again he reaches for the space beside him, only to find it empty, like every goddamn morning.
Her kisses and caresses were definitely a better wake up call.
He's not a sap, he's never been one, but lately he finds himself fighting tears everytime he opens his eyes only to be reminded that she's not there anymore.
Donna has always been the one person he couldn't bear to lose. That's why he kept her at arm's length for thirteen years, and right now he thinks that unfortunately he was right to do so, because when he finally let his walls down, when he finally had her, he did indeed lose her.
It's been seventeen days since she left him, since she said she needed time and left to visit her parents.
He looks at their picture in her nightstand, they look so happy, so in love. And he still is, as in love with her as he's been since… When did he fall in love with her anyway? He's pretty sure it happened in that bar, the day he met her and their destiny was sealed in that handshake that would change his life forever.
He misses his wife, there's no denying that, but he also misses his best friend, the one person who knows him inside out, the one person that always calls him on his shit, the one person he can't live without. Scratch that, he can, he's actually surviving without her, but he doesn't want to, he needs her.
Just like oxygen, she's the source he needs to keep on breathing and it's so hard to breathe in the emptiness of her absence.
He sits up, wills his feet to touch the cold, hard floor as he rests his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands and just like every morning he prays to whoever is listening to bring her back to him.
This is the exact same reason why he never let anyone in before, why he never fell in love before. He saw the way love could destroy a person when his parents' marriage failed. He saw the way his dad was devastated by his mother's betrayal, split between hating her and loving her so much.
And Donna would never betray him, he knows that, the reasons for her leaving had nothing to do with that, and everything to do with the fact that he couldn't keep her, he couldn't be the man she deserved, and he always knew he could never be good enough for her, but goddamn it did he try. He wanted to be that man so badly.
He lifts his head up and reaches for the frame of the happiest day of his life. Their wedding day.
"We never should have left Seattle" He says softly, recalling where everything went wrong.
…
"What do you think?" He asks hopefully, trying to read her but failing miserably.
"It's a great opportunity, Harvey" She says, but he can see she's hesitant.
"We don't have to, just like when we came here, we won't do it unless you're one hundred percent on board, Donna" He reassures her and she smiles, walks over to him and stands between his legs as he's sitting on his desk.
"I once told you I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, and I meant it. If this is what you want, I want it too, and I'll support you" She eases his worries and he squeezes her waist. She rests her forehead on his and they smile at each other lovingly.
"Do you have any idea of how much I love you?" He whispers the question and she tightens her hold on him.
"I think I may have some idea, but a reminder from time to time always works too" He kisses her then, soft and sweet and letting the feeling of their joined lips envelop him. He loves to make out with his wife but these small, sweet kisses mean more to him than he can say, because it's not only about passion between them, they do have that too, of course, but it's more about love, about support, and having her always by his side is something he'll always need, he'll never stop needing her.
They break their kiss but keep their arms around each other. "We should go home then, so I can properly show you" He teases and she chuckles as she drops one last kiss on his lips before separating from him.
…
When Mike presented him with the opportunity of opening a branch of the clinic in New York, Harvey was thrilled. Excited to take the rails once more and be in charge of a firm that worked to help the people he spent so many years fighting against, the good people that fought against the corporate douches he defended for so long.
Donna was by his side, as she always was, and they were both pretty excited to go back to New York.
When they told Louis about it, their friend couldn't be more thrilled at the prospect and even told them about how there was a whole empty floor on the building waiting to be rented. Mike and Harvey talked about it, David Fox had actually taken a liking to Donna, and she got them a rental lease that they couldn't reject, way too good to miss.
So they moved back, and Harvey thought life couldn't get better, he was married to the love of his life, back in the building he partly considered his home for so many years, a couple of floors below Louis, Alex, Samantha and Katrina. And in a way it felt just like the old times, but better because now he also had a wife to go home to.
Little did he know, that would be the beginning of the end for them.
He forces himself to take a shower and afterwards heads into the kitchen to make himself a coffee.
"Black, two sugars, splash of vanilla" He mutters to himself as he fixes his beverage, as if repeating her words would make him feel closer to her.
He's a mess, he knows he can't continue like this for too long. He grabs his phone as he sits on a barstool, his lock screen displaying an image of happier times, reminding him of how he had everything, and now he has nothing but an empty cold condo with the absence of the love of his life filling every corner.
…
"Can you at least pretend you're enjoying this?" She asks with a grin as he rolls his eyes.
"I am enjoying it, I always enjoy spending time with you, I just don't enjoy the pictures part" He defends himself and she leans on her toes to quickly kiss his lips.
"Come on, Harvey, just one more selfie and I'll release you from this torture, I promise" She compromises and he nods.
"Alright" He agrees and positions himself behind her as she lifts her phone to snap the caption with Central Park's lake in the background.
He's supposed to be looking at the camera on her cell phone, but she's far more interesting, so he looks down at her beautiful face as she smiles ahead while she captures the moment.
After snapping the picture, she looks at it and smiles "Perfect" she announces and he keeps his eyes on her.
"Indeed" He comments, not referring to the picture she's showing him at all.
She takes his hand as they continue to stroll down the park. She sends him the picture later and he doesn't hesitate when he sets it as his new lock screen's wallpaper.
…
He hovers his thumb over her name in his contacts list. They haven't talked since she left, she was very clear when she said she needed time away from him to be able to think clearly, but he misses her so much, so he decides to call anyway.
It rings a few times but she doesn't pick up, her voicemail will have to do.
"Hey" He starts and pauses to clear his throat "I just um… I wanted you to know that I miss you… And I know you said you needed time, so I'm gonna give you all the time you need, but I just need to hear from you, and know you're okay… Just in case you're wondering, I'm not okay, I'm dying here Donna, I don't know how to live without you, I don't want to learn how to either" He takes a deep breath and tries to keep his tears at bay. "I know I'm being selfish for asking you this but please Donna, please come back to me" He begs and he hates to sound so desperate, to admit that he needs her so badly that he's not above begging her to return "I don't mean to rush you into anything, but I just need to know you'll come back at some point, that you haven't given up on me, because I love you so much that it hurts Donna" He chokes out his love declaration and hangs up because the pain is too much, and now he wishes he hadn't sent her that message, but it's too late, so he finishes his coffee and leaves their condo.
It's snowing outside, Christmas is only two days away and he recalls how much he used to hate the holiday's spirit until he and Donna got together and she made him love the decorations and gatherings with their friends and family. This was going to be their fourth Christmas together.
They spent the first one pretty much naked in bed, having recently moved to Seattle gave them no time to organize a trip to Boston, and with Mike and Rachel leaving for New York to spend Christmas with her family, they were left in charge of the clinic. The second one they celebrated it With Mike and Rachel at their home. Last year they went to Boston to visit Marcus and the kids for Christmas and spent New Year's with Donna's parents. And this year… It was supposed to be the first year they would spend Christmas as a married couple in New York, the city that saw them fall in love, surrounded by their friends and families.
When did perfection go wrong?
…
'The perfect marriage doesn't exist, Donna'. Her mother had said in a comforting tone, but she's wrong, because she and Harvey were perfect, they were perfect for three whole years, until they decided to move back to New York and build a clinic from the ground.
They went to Seattle because they didn't want to fight for the corporate giants anymore, but also because they wanted to have more time to themselves, more time to spend together, and life was perfect while they were there. They never left the office after seven, they no longer worked long hours, never missed having dinner together, except when she and Rachel had a girl's night or Mike and Harvey had a boy's night. They continued their weekly date night tradition, they made love almost every day, argued over silly things that were always quickly solved, mostly not to bore themselves and because the make up sex was so damn good.
Everything was perfect, until Harvey took Mike's offer, and became once again the man in charge.
That meant long hours, no more weekly date nights, missed dinners at home, no more sex all the time, just to mention a few things.
And Donna loves New York, she actually really missed the city, mostly she missed Louis and Lucy along with her other friends. She was so happy to come back home, but if she had known that returning would mean losing Harvey all over again, she wouldn't have left Seattle.
She and her mom are having breakfast when her phone starts ringing and his smiling face appears on her screen.
"Donna, he's your husband, you can't ignore him forever" Her mother advises when she notices the hesitance in her daughter.
"I told him I needed time. I'm still not sure if we can come back from this, mom" She admits in a remorseful tone and Clara sighs, hating to see her daughter suffering so much.
"Do you still love him?" Her mother asks and Donna's eyes fill with fresh tears, she's so tired of crying all the goddamn time. It's all she's done since she left their condo a few weeks ago.
"There's no way to shut my love for him off, mom, that's always been the problem with Harvey. No matter how much I try not to, loving him comes naturally for me"
"Marriage is hard, sweetheart, I'd know. But I also know that man loves you so much, that he would die for you in a heartbeat"
"I know that, but I don't need that, I just need him… And after the things we said the last time we saw each other… We're great at loving each other but we're equally great at hurting each other, and I hate it"
Clara smiles sadly at her daughter, walks towards her and kisses her forehead
"You should at least listen to that" She says as she points towards the notification on her phone that shows she had a new voice message. "I'll be in the garden if you need me"
She's crying uncontrollably by the time she finishes listening to his desperate message. The urge to run to him and comfort him is too strong, the pain in his voice a knife that cuts through her chest. So she lets herself feel his pain as her body rocks with sobs for the man she loves more than life itself.
…
"I'm so sorry" He apologizes as soon as he enters the condo to find his wife with her arms crossed and a glare that would have anyone running scared.
"Save it" She snaps as she moves towards their bedroom, not in the mood to talk to him but he catches her wrist and spins her around so she's facing him.
"I tried to make it on time, I swear, but Josh needed to run his strategy by me, we need to win this case Donna, it's important" He explains and she rolls her eyes and pushes him away.
"Of course it is, I'm sorry for believing putting up our Christmas tree together was important too, how stupid of me" She repplies with sarcasm dripping from her tone and Harvey sighs. It's become a tradition of sorts since they got together, and it's the first time he's missed it. Rationally she knows it's really not such a big deal, but it still feels like it is.
"Of course it's important, nothing is more important to me than you Donna, I'll make it up to you, I promise" His tone is careful, and she knows what he's trying to do, he's trying to get her to cave in with sweet words, and she normally does, but lately she's too tired of arguing and repeating the same pattern. She gets mad, he says he's sorry, charms her into forgiving him, she does, he promises he'll do better and he fucks up again. And she's fed up with it.
"Whatever Harvey" She whispers as she leaves him standing there, cursing and trying to find a way for her to forgive him for disappointing her once again.
…
Just like she told her mom, loving Harvey is not something she can easily turn off, and you'd think love is the main reason you stay by someone, but even if it's a very important reason, it's definitely not the only one.
She knows Harvey loves her, knows he's suffering probably as much as she is right now, as well as she knows he's not dealing well with her absence in his life, he never has. And it terrifies her to think that if he had panic attacks when she went down the hall, he's possibly drowning in depression now that she's a hundred miles away.
She decides to go for a walk downtown, the fresh air helps her to think clearly and decide if she should call him, or drive back to New York and tell him she loves him and that she doesn't want to be apart from him either.
"Donna!" A voice calls behind her and she turns around to find Mark Meadows walking towards her.
"Mark, hi" She says in a surprised tone. She hasn't crossed paths with the architect since he invited her to his hotel room for a night of passion that never was.
"Hi" He says back as he takes her in "Are you visiting your family for the holidays?" He asks and she nods.
"Yeah, how about you?" She asks back and he smiles at her.
"I live here" He says matter of factly and she chuckles.
"Yeah, I know, sorry"
"Are you okay? You look like you could use some coffee" He observes and she nods, running her left hand through her forehead, the gesture causing disappointment to appear on Mark's face. "Unless you have to go back to your fiancé" He adds and Donna shakes her head, taking a look at her ring as she does.
"Husband" She clarifies to Mark's defeated form "And I don't. Harvey's in New York" She explains and this causes a faint smile to appear on his mouth.
"Shall we, then? I still remember where your favorite coffee shop is"
She should say no, she knows she should, she's married and even if right now things with Harvey are not okay, she loves her husband, and she knows she shouldn't accept having coffee with her ex-boyfriend who happens to hate her husband since in Mark's eyes, Harvey's the reason they broke up all those years ago in the first place.
"Mark, I'm not sure I should–" She starts but he cuts her off.
"Donna, it's just coffee, it's okay if you don't want to, but I promise I won't try anything, you just look like you need someone right now. Someone who's not such a big fan of your husband" He's referring to Clara, who once made sure to highlight in front of him what an amazing guy Harvey is.
"Yeah, I could use some coffee" She finally agrees and they walk side by side in silence towards the coffee shop.
She orders a skimmed milk latte with vanilla and whipped cream and Mark chuckles, remembering how she likes her coffee as sweet as she can get it.
"So… You married him" It's the first thing he says when they sit at a table in the coffee shop "Can't say I didn't see that one coming" He adds and Donna nods, running a strand of hair that's fallen from her messy bun, behind her ear.
"I sure did" She confirms in a flat tone.
"And it didn't work out?"
She snaps her head up at him "I'm not getting a divorce if that's what you're wondering, Mark" She snaps at him and he looks down.
"I'm sorry Donna, I didn't mean to imply anything, it's just… You don't look like someone who's happily married and I know he can be–"
"What?!" She interrupts defensively, her natural instinct to protect Harvey rearing its head in a heartbeat.
"Selfish Donna, he can be a selfish, self absorbed asshole… He has no idea how lucky he is, he never has"
"He's a good man, Mark, and we've been so happy, he can make me so happy…" She trails off with tears pooling behind her eyes again.
"Then what are you doing here on your own two days from Christmass without your husband and having coffee with your ex, Donna?"
She glares at him "Not that is any of your business, but we had a fight, the biggest we've had since we got married, and I needed to get away"
"You deserve to be happy Donna, I've always wanted that for you, and I've regretted letting you go for years. So, if you love him, and I know better than anyone that you do, and if he makes you happy, fight for him, like I should have fought for you"
His words take Donna by surprise, never thinking she'd hear them from someone who despises Harvey so much. She knows that even if Mark blames her husband for their relationship ending, it wasn't Harvey's fault, it was no one's fault really, just the fact that she's only ever loved one man in her entire life, and she'll never love anyone else that way, she doesn't want to.
"Thank you, Mark" She says sincerely as she stands and walks away from him.
…
"Stop making excuses! I'm so goddamn tired of hearing your excuses every single day!" She yells angrily, and she's never yelled at him like that before, never had been so furious at him before.
"And I'm fucking tired of coming home only to fight with you, Donna! Because that's all we ever do these days and I'm fed up with it!" He yells back.
"Oh, you're fed up with it? It's your goddamn fault we're always fighting!"
"Why do you have to always blame things on me like that?! It's always the same with you"
"I don't know Harvey, maybe because I'm tired of having a lousy husband"
"What did you just say to me?! I do everything for you! For us! And you just can't see it, you say you love me the way I am, that you'd never want to change me and it's all bullshit!"
Angry tears threaten to fall from her eyes but she keeps them at bay, not wanting to cry in front of him when she's as angry as she is hurt.
"I never wanted to change you, Harvey, but that's no excuse to leave me on my own every goddamn night. I can't even remember the last time we had sex!"
He looks at her with indignation on his face as he throws his arms in the air "How do you want us to have sex if you start barking at me the second I cross the threshold, Donna?!"
"Because you're never here! I'm the least of your priorities and I should have known this was going to happen eventually, but I really thought you weren't that emotionally unavailable asshole anymore, I was obviously wrong!"
"And I thought you no longer were that insecure woman whining about her boss not paying her attention either, so maybe we were both wrong!"
The moment the words leave his mouth he regrets them, but it's too late.
"I wasted thirteen years of my life waiting for you, and if you think that makes me insecure and whiny then I never should have agreed to marry you"
"Donna, I–" He tries in a softer tone, realizing he totally screwed up.
"Don't, just don't" She manages to say without bursting into tears as she walks past him and out the door.
…
She returns home a few hours later with a clearer head and a decision made.
"I need some time away, Harvey. I'm going to Connecticut" She announces as she walks towards their bedroom to pack some stuff.
Harvey follows her and panics when he sees her grab her suitcase.
"Donna, listen, I know I crossed a line and I swear I didn't even mean that, I was angry and I can be such an asshole when I'm pissed, and I'm so sorry, but please do not leave me" Tears start running down her cheeks at his apology, because she knows he means every word, but she's also so tired of fighting. She wants to believe they can survive this, but she's not so sure anymore.
"You're always sorry, and it's simply not enough anymore" She doesn't look at him as she speaks, she can't. So she keeps putting her clothes into her suitcase.
"It'll be different this time, I've learnt my lesson, okay? I'll call Mike and tell him we want to go back to Seattle. We can be there by New Year's and everything will go back to normal" He insists as she keeps trying not to break down in front of him.
She turns her head towards him and sighs "It's not about that, I don't want to go back to Seattle"
"Okay, then we'll stay here. Give me a few weeks and I can find someone to manage the clinic here" He insists and how she would have loved to hear those words from him a while ago, before she felt beyond the point of no return.
"I still need this Harvey, so please stop" She tries to keep a steady and firm tone, she needs him to know she means it, her decision is made and there's no turning back now.
"Look at me, please" He gently grabs her shoulders and urges her to turn around, when she does, he presses his forehead to hers and closes his eyes, breathing her in. "Don't leave me… Donna, please" He begs softly and she lets out an involuntary sob.
"Are you really willing to put my needs before yours?" She asks in a whisper and he nods.
"Yes, of course I am" He replies in a heartbeat.
"Then please understand I need this Harvey, and let me go" He steps away from her, the hurt in his face an image she won't ever be able to erase.
"You don't… want us anymore?" He asks with a pained expression.
She sighs and shakes her head "It's not that, Harvey, I do want you, us, but I need to get away from everything for a while, and I need you to please understand and respect that"
That is not what he expected to hear and she sees the moment his demeanor changes, he's pissed the fuck off and she knows, even before the words leave his mouth, that he's going to hurt her, she knows him better than he knows himself, it's always been that way.
"I should have known you were no different. You wanna leave? Fine!, but if you do, don't come back Donna!" Deep down she knows he doesn't mean it and his words have the sole purpose of hurting her, like she's hurting him. But they cut through her skin anyway, like a thousand knives.
"Goodbye then, Harvey" She closes her suitcase and walks past him and out of their home.
…
He almost had a panic attack the moment she closed the door behind her. He also almost ran after her, but he didn't… His stupid pride is something he constantly tries to work on.
On the way home from work, he looks out the window, he can see the lights and ornaments decorating the city, a reminder it's that time of the year, the season to be jolly. But all he sees is her absence. It's not Christmas without her, it's not a life worth living without her.
"You're doing anything special tomorrow boss? Mike and Rachel will be in town, right?" Ray asks and takes Harvey out of his thoughts.
"Tomorrow?" He asks absentmindedly and Ray nods.
"Tomorrow is Christmas eve. Is Donna returning in time from her trip?"
The reminder of the date does nothing to ease his mind and the reminder that after believing he'd never spend another Christmas alone, he'll have to face tomorrow and the day after that in solitude after so long, crushes his heart.
"Donna's still in Connecticut, but she'll hopefully make it back for New Year's" Harvey simply explains.
"She loves you Harvey, so I'm sure she will" Ray says in a more serious tone, dropping the facade and letting his boss know he's well aware of the situation.
Harvey nods and they both fall silent after that.
…
He lays awake in bed, once again recalling their last argument and those hurtful words, the distant memory always causing his chest to tighten. He's used to the sensation by now, so he sits up, drinks water and tries to breathe steadily until the tightness passes.
Why does he always have to be such an asshole when he's angry? Why did he say those things to her if he didn't even mean them?. He thought he was way past all his fears and insecurities, he thought he'd left them behind the moment he knocked on her door with the promise of forever in his eyes, but he obviously hasn't, and he keeps making the same mistakes, and now he probably lost for good the one good thing in his life.
He checks his phone for the hundredth time only to find he has no messages or calls from her. She either heard his message and ignored it or she didn't even hear it, and he honestly doesn't know which is the worst case scenario.
He leaves his phone on his nightstand and prepares for another sleepless night.
…
She scrolls through her phone, her camera roll filled with happy memories and pictures of him, of them together, of them with Mike and Rachel.
She misses him terribly, and they both said things they didn't mean the last time they saw each other. Harvey's first instinct when he feels cornered is to fight back with all he's got, he attacks, he's always been like that, but she's not a client, or his secretary anymore, she's his wife, and she wonders if maybe she's the one in the wrong for believing it would be different with her, for believing he was finally ready to be the man she needs.
And to be honest, he was the perfect husband for the first three years of their marriage, it's in the last six months that a wedge has been driven between them, and she wishes so badly that they can get past it.
She can see from her window the reflection of the Christmas lights coming from the neighbors's houses and this is one of her favorite holidays, Christmas is the time of the year she looks forward to the most, and Harvey has been so supportive of it since they got together, she knows he's always been somewhat of a scrooge but she also knows he actually came to enjoy the season in the Cristmasses they spent together.
…
"A little bit to the left" She instructs and he follows her every command, wanting to please his wife in every possible way "Perfect" She says once he's successfully placed the Christmas tree top.
She steps back and admires their work "So? Is it okay?" He asks with a grin tugging at the corner of his lips and she nods.
"Come here" She instructs and he walks towards her, puts his arm around her waist as they admire their perfectly decorated Christmas tree together.
"I think we did a pretty good job" He comments and she lifts her head to look at him with a bright smile.
"We sure did" She says back, capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. "Thank you, Harvey. I know you don't particularly love all this stuff and I appreciate you doing this for me"
"You don't have to thank me Donna, we're in this together now, I enjoy doing these things with you. I didn't before because I had no one to share it with, but being with you changes everything, it makes everything better" He confesses and she feels tears pooling behind her eyes as her chest bursts with love for her husband.
"You make everything better too. I love you, Harvey"
He smiles down at her and kisses her "I love you too… Does this mean I've earned a few hours of being naked in bed with my wife?" He breaks the moment with a joke and Donna laughs and nods.
"Oh you have, Mr. Specter" She confirms seductively.
He lifts her off the ground and she wraps her legs around his waist "Good, I'll make sure you sleep like a baby tonight after I'm done with you, Mrs. Specter" She giggles against his lips as he carries her to their bedroom.
…
"I'm leaving Harvey, there's no one left and I'm done with that report you asked for" Josh, his associate, announces from the doorway of Harvey's office.
He looks up at the kid and nods "Thanks Josh, see you on Monday"
"You're not leaving?" The young lawyer asks with curiosity.
"I still have a few things to finish here, so I'll stay a bit longer"
"Okay, merry Christmas Harvey, and send my regards to Donna" Harvey gives him a tight lip smile, everyone at the firm thinks Donna had to take an unexpected trip to Connecticut for a family issue.
"Will do, thanks"
"Hope she makes it back soon" He adds and Harvey tries not to snap at the kid who seems to fail to read the room and realize it's time to leave his boss alone.
Harvey only nods and that makes Josh take the hint, cause he simply walks away.
He sighs and goes back to his paperwork, immersed in it for a few more minutes before he can see someone coming towards him from the corner of his eye. He looks up and sighs.
"You're gonna make me beg you to come to dinner again or will you finally accept?" Louis asks as he takes a seat in front of his friend.
"I have work to finish Louis, and I'm not in the mood to celebrate anything" Harvey replies without looking up from his files.
"She would kick your ass if she could see you right now, you know that, right?"
That makes Harvey look up and glare at his friend.
"Well, she's not here. So…" He trails off and goes back to his task.
"It's Christmas eve Harvey, Sheila made plenty of food and Lucy misses her favorite uncle, come on, don't make me beg anymore"
"Tell Sheila I appreciate the invitation and tell Lucy I'll come by tomorrow with the presents Santa left for her, but I'm not coming tonight, I already have enough self pity to endure all of your pity too"
Louis shakes his head and stands "I was so happy for you when you took your head out of your ass, but you can't even bring yourself to go after her, and it makes me wonder if you actually deserve her at all"
Harvey snaps his head up and gives his friend and former partner a murderous look "Get the fuck out of my office, Louis" He snarls and Louis turns and leaves, muttering a 'Merry fucking Christmas' behind him.
…
He has no idea how long he has been working on this case, and he's honestly too tired to continue, but he's dreading going home, because he feels her absence so much more when he's there, surrounded by her stuff, by her pictures…
He stands and looks out the window, he can see the snow falling down, the whole city covered in it. Donna loves the snow, he thinks, as he wishes they were curled up on their couch, drinking a hot cup of coffee with vanilla as they watch the snow fall from their floor to ceiling windows.
These last few weeks he had to endure seeing the whole building decorated with Christmas lights and ornaments, every office of the clinic has some kind of decoration, every one except for his. Donna was supposed to decorate it, but she didn't get to, and he wants nothing to do with the festivity if she's not there to celebrate it with him.
"I knew I'd find you here"
He freezes and his body goes rigid, a shiver runs down his spine at hearing her voice again after nineteen long days and he's afraid to turn around and realize his mind is playing some kind of trick on him, and she's not actually standing behind him.
But he needs to know anyway, so he slowly turns around and sighs in relief when he realizes he hasn't gone mad. She's right there, standing in front of him, and all the things he's been wanting to tell her since she left suddenly get stuck in his dry throat as he can't seem to be able to formulate a single word.
She looks so beautiful but in a terrible shape at the same time. Dark circles surrounding her beautiful hazel orbs, proving that just like him, she hasn't gotten a good night of sleep in a long time.
"Donna" He breathes out and yes, her name is all he his lips muster to conjure, too shocked, relieved and happy to see her, but at the same time too afraid to say anything else, after the last words that were spoken between them, he's terrified to say the wrong thing and blow it again.
"I know it's been days and I don't know where we stand, but I got your message, and I just…" She trails off and he can see she's trying very hard not to cry.
He realizes he has a decision to make, wait and see what else she has to say or give in to his instinct and take her into his arms. And he's always been one to trust his instincts, so option two it is.
He takes a few long strides forward and wraps her whole frame in his arms. She immediately relaxes into the hug and clings to his waist as she buries her face on his neck and starts crying.
"I'm so sorry Donna, so sorry for all those things I said, I didn't mean them, I don't know why I said them, but I could never mean them. I love you so much"
She cries harder and he repeatedly kisses her shoulder as he holds her tighter.
"I know, and I'm sorry for leaving like that, I've been a wreck, I can't live without you either Harvey, I don't want to, I don't ever want to" She says between sobs and he nods into her shoulder.
"You won't have to, I'm here, and I'll do anything to fix this Donna, anything you need"
She pulls away and frames his jaw with her hands while she shakes her head "Harvey" She whispers "You just can't see it, can you? All I need is you, that's all I've ever wanted and all I've ever needed. I just need my husband back"
"I'm right here, and I'm never going to neglect you or our marriage again, I swear Donna, if you give me another chance, I'll do it right for good this time, because now that I really know what having you and losing you feels like, I don't ever want to feel that way again"
Even if it felt like he lost her when she left to work for Louis, back then she wasn't his to lose, but this time she was, she was his and they had everything and he jeopardized their happiness, their marriage, by once again being an idiot. Donna leaving made him open his eyes and he will now make sure to never let anything like this happen again.
"You promise?" She whispers the question and he nods.
"I promise"
"Good, because I love you, and I don't want to ever feel that way again either"
He considers replying but enough has been said, so he looks down at her inviting lips and closes the remaining distance between them so he can kiss her after what feels like an eternity, and in all true, it has been at least two months since he's really kissed her.
He enjoys the feeling of his lips on hers first, getting reacquainted with kissing his wife after the longest weeks of his life. But she soon gets eager for more as she opens her mouth and begs for entrance to his mouth. He complies, he can't ever deny her anything and they get lost in that passionate, searing kiss. He strokes his tongue softly against hers as his fingers entangle in her hair while she holds him close, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist.
Things heat up pretty fast and before they know it, their hands are everywhere they can reach, eager to feel contact with the other's skin after so long.
It's Donna who pulls away first, gasping for air "We should go home" She breathes out.
"It's Christmas eve, there's no one left in the building but us. I'll take you home if you want me to, but I'm not sure I can wait that long to have you" He confesses and his words cause something to unleash in her, because the next thing he knows her eyes turn a shade darker and she pulls him in for another kiss while she starts unbuttoning his pants. "Eager, are we?" He teases and she glares at him.
"You haven't properly fucked me in god knows how long, so just shut up and take your clothes off" And just like that, her retort causes their emotional moment to be broken and they're back to being Harvey and Donna.
"Oh, I'm gonna fuck you properly alright" He says with a smirk as he fusses their lips together once more while he pulls the zipper of her dress off as she continues to try to get rid off his shirt, their lips never losing contact.
They end up on his couch, she straddles him and it's fast and messy and passionate, they'll have plenty of time for slow love making, right now all they need is to satiate their need for each other, to feel whole again.
"I missed you so much" She mumbles against his lips as she rides him and frames his face with her hands.
"I missed you too" He replies before claiming her lips again.
They reach their climaxes together and he buries his face in her neck as he tries to breathe properly.
"Holy shit Donna, that was…" He trails off, not being able to form coherent words.
"Amazing…" She finishes for him and he nods.
"You're amazing" His tone is soft and so full of love. She smiles down at him and kisses him softly.
"I love you, Harvey"
"I love you, Donna" She nestles herself into his embrace, happy to finally be back in his arms.
…
"I ran into Mark yesterday and we went for a coffee" He gets a bit startled by the way she breaks their silence. They're still on his couch, laying in each other's arms, the building's central heating and Harvey's trench coat on top of them keeping them warm, as they have yet to get dressed.
"I don't know how to feel about that to be honest" He says, afraid to say the wrong thing.
"However you want to" She tilts her head up to look at him.
"I know nothing happened because I trust you, but…"
"It bothers you" She finishes for him and he nods.
"Yeah, it does, but you're here, so, it shouldn't"
"It's okay that it does, it would bother me if you went for a coffee with Paula"
"I wouldn't" He replies in a heartbeat, making her feel terrible for accepting Mark's invitation in the first place. "Hey" He calls softly and she looks at him again "I'm not angry about it, I don't particularly like it, but I get it. You needed someone to talk to other than your parents. And you're telling me about it, which proves it didn't mean anything"
"Who are you?" She asks with shock in her face and he chuckles.
"Being on the verge of losing you changed the perspective of things for me. Nothing matters more to me than you and our marriage, Donna" He confesses and she feels her heart skip a beat at his words.
"Well, you're right, it didn't mean anything. And he actually encouraged me to come back and fix things with you"
"Did he, now? Never would have expected him to, since the asshole made you choose between me and him"
She chuckles and runs her thumb through his chin "Lucky for you, he did"
"Lucky for you, Paula did too" His comeback earns him a glare and he grins at her. "There was never a choice to make, and I've told you this before. It was always you"
"There was never a choice for me either"
"Promise me we're never gonna fight like this again" He pleads as he looks into her eyes.
"Not like this, but we should fight from time to time, the make up sex is so good" She suggests and he laughs wholeheartedly.
"Okay, I promise to leave the toilet seat up and eat your ice cream a few weeks from now"
She lifts her finger and points it at him "You will not touch my tubs of Chunky Monkey unless you want to face a premature death, Specter"
He smirks and quickly pecks her lips "Wouldn't dream of it, Paulsen" He retorts.
"It's Paulsen-Specter" She reminds him.
"Of course, of course, Paulsen-Specter"
They can hear footsteps approaching and before they can do anything about it a familiar voice fills their ears.
"Alright, Harvey that's– Holy shit!" Mike exclaims as he turns around and covers his eyes with his hand "In the office?! Really?!" He exclaims.
"What the fuck are you doing here on Christmas eve anyway?!" Harvey exclaims back as he and Donna sit up.
"What does it look like?! I came to find you" Mike retorts while keeping his back to them.
"Give us a minute Mike, will you?" Donna requests and Mike doesn't hesitate as he exits Harvey's office.
They look at each other and erupt in a fit of giggles as Donna puts her underwear and her dress back on. He helps her lift the zipper while he drops a kiss on her shoulder and starts dressing himself.
Once they're both presentable they call Mike back into Harvey's office.
"I'm really sorry Donna, and I swear I didn't see anything" He tells the redhead who only smiles at him.
"That's okay Mike" She reassures him. "I um… have to use the restroom" She says next as she exits her husband's office, leaving the two lawyers on their own.
"Like I said, I came to find you" He tells Harvey "We were all at Louis's and he told me about your conversation, I came to drag your ass to his house so we could all have dinner, I didn't want you to be alone, but you clearly weren't…"
Harvey chuckles and shakes his head. "I appreciate that Mike, but right now I just want to go home with my wife"
Mike nods, understanding all Harvey needs right now is being close to Donna.
"I understand"
"Mike" Harvey starts and rubs his forefinger under his nose "I guess I'm gonna have to talk to Donna about this first, but I want to step down. I can't run this firm on my own anymore, it almost cost me the most important person in my life, and I can't let that happen again"
Donna returns in that moment and she stands beside her husband as he puts his arm around her waist, kissing the side of her head.
"You won't have to" Mike says.
"Have to what?" Donna asks curiously.
"Step down" Harvey answers and she looks up at him as realization hits her.
"Oh" She simply says.
"Rachel and I decided to come back to New York. We're thinking of starting a family and all our loved ones are here so… You can step down or we can run it together, just like we did in Seattle"
Donna's grin widens as she steps out of Harvey's arms to give Mike a warm hug.
"That's wonderful news, Mike" She whispers as he holds her tightly.
"It is, Mike" Harvey confirms "I'm gonna talk it over with Donna and let you know"
Mike nods "Of course… Well, I won't interrupt your reunion any longer. I'll see you guys tomorrow for lunch?" Harvey looks at his wife and she gives him a small nod.
"Yes, you will" Harvey replies.
"Merry Christmas, Paulsen-Specters" Mike says with a teasing tone, clearly happy to see his friends back together and happy.
"Merry Christmas, Mike"
Harvey turns to his wife once again when Mike leaves his office and puts his arms around her waist.
"We should go home, I'm sure I have some shitty Thai leftovers in our fridge"
"You ordered shitty Thai without me?" She asks surprised and he nods.
"Made me feel closer to you" He replies with a shrug of his shoulders.
"I drank a glass of scotch every night because it reminded me of you. I think my mother was actually concerned I had developed a serious alcohol addiction"
He laughs and it's the most wonderful sound she's ever heard, she missed the sound of his laugh so much.
"God, we're a pair of idiots, aren't we?" She nods and leans up to kiss his lips softly.
"We sure are. Now take me home Specter, I'm not done with you yet" He grins and leans down to kiss her one more time before taking their coats and leading them out of his office.
…
Donna looks outside through the big glass walls of their bedroom as the snow keeps falling and she takes it all in. She's so thankful to be back home for Christmas, so happy to be reunited with the love of her life.
"We should get going" Harvey says behind her and his voice takes her out of her thoughts.
"You don't have to step down" She says instead, her back to him as she continues to stare out the window.
"We don't have to talk about that now, Donna. Let's just enjoy Christmas with our friends and we can discuss that after the holidays"
She turns around to face him "I just need you to know that you don't have to give up your job for me, I don't want you to do that" She insists and he sighs as he walks towards her.
Once he's standing right in front of her he drops a soft kiss on her lips and puts his arms around her waist.
"I know that, and I'm not giving up anything. I'll consider managing the firm with Mike, alright? but nothing matters to me more than us Donna, these past few days have been hell, and I told you yesterday that I don't ever want to feel like that again. I meant it when I said that when you're with me, my chips are always up" He smiles at the huge grin that adorns her lips at the reminder of his vows. "You're all I need Donna, you always have been… So, let's settle for this; I'll give managing the firm with Mike a try, but if it still takes more time from us than we're willing to give, I'm stepping down"
She nods and places a soft kiss on his lips "Alright, I can work with that" She agrees.
"Good… I love you" He replies softly.
"I love you too"
He closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling of hearing those words from her again, he'll never get tired of it.
…
They're all gathered at Louis's home, Lucy stealing everyone's attention, especially her godmother's who's missed her terribly these past few weeks. Donna got so used to being around Lucy since they came back to New York that almost three weeks without seeing her feels like an eternity. Harvey simply watches them interact, loving the way Lucy hangs to every word her godmother tells her as they play together.
"Harvey" Louis says as he comes to stand beside his longtime friend "I'm so sorry about what I said yesterday, about you not deserving Donna... I didn't mean it, and I'm very happy you guys are okay"
Harvey nods and claps Louis's back "I know, I'm sorry too, for the way I've behaved these past few weeks, it's been hard, but we'll be okay"
"I'm certain of it" Louis simply says with a nod as he squeezes Harvey's shoulder and walks by him.
"Why don't you just ask her to have your kids instead of staring at her with that longing look?" Mike teases, earning himself a glare from his best friend.
"Shut up, Mike" He simply retorts.
"Well, soon enough and hopefully I'm gonna give you another godchild, so it's only fair that you return the favor"
"Don't you have a father in-law to bother with your annoying comments?" Harvey asks sarcastically as he points towards Robert with his head.
"No, actually bothering you it's way more fun"
"Mike, stop messing with my husband" Donna says with a smile as she approaches them and Harvey wastes no time as he pulls her into his embrace, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.
"Saved by the Mrs." Mike teases with a smile as he walks past the Specters and towards his wife.
"Can we leave already?" Harvey whispers to Donna's ear and she chuckles.
"Not yet" She simply replies as puts her arms around his neck and he hides his face between her neck and shoulder.
"But Lucy has already opened her presents" Harvey complains. "And I want to go home so I can open mine" He drops his voice an octave lower as he fidgets with the zipper of her dress.
"No" She warns as she pulls away and points her finger at him. "We'll toast with our friends and then we can leave"
"But Donna, we have to make up for three weeks" He whines and she chuckles.
"You're such a baby. We had to make up for twelve years once and we did pretty well if you ask me"
"That we did" He agrees as he drops another kiss on her lips.
"Guys! come on, we're about to make a toast" Mike calls behind them so they can all gather around the dining table, where each is holding a glass of champagne.
"To new beginnings, growing families and more holidays together. Merry Christmas!" Mike says as he raises his glass and they all mimic him.
"Merry Christmas!" They all echo at the same time as they clink their glasses.
"Merry Christmas, Donna" Harvey says, only for his wife to hear the words as he looks into her eyes, the usual glint in them back in place.
"Merry Christmas, Harvey" She says back as she rubs her nose against his.
A moment later, they are all sharing hugs and he returns them as best and quickly as he can without taking his eyes off his wife for a second and simply enjoying being here with the woman he loves more than anything.
He thought this year Christmas would lose all meaning, but she's back, she's here, they are together and it finally feels like Christmas again.