Oh my aching everything.
I tried to sit up, only to have my spine screaming in protest. A forced gasp escaped my lips. It wasn't just my back. Everything was burning, from my arms and legs to my chest and neck.
My first instinct was to scream, but I barely had enough breath to form a measly, "D-dammit." I must've broken something. Or, more likely, every single bone left in my body.
My second attempt went a little bit better. I managed to sit straight up without emptying my stomach or blacking out. Not a bad start.
Now for the hard part.
I winced as I leaned forward, trying to push myself onto my feet with my hands on either side of my thighs. The pain had subsided just enough for me to stumble up, my first mistake.
Foot.
Definitely.
Broken.
I cried out, nearly falling backwards over myself. I might as well have planted my right foot directly on a shard of broken glass, or called over a ravenous wolf to begin viciously gnawing it off. The immense pain forced back memories of the first and only other time I had broken a bone. Way, way back when I was in Kindergarten, my friends and I had been tossing a frisbee around after school. I failed a catch, as usual, and for some reason one of them felt that the whole world would come to an end if they didn't pick it up before me. Five seconds later, they had taken a running leap and crushed my arm against the ground with their knees when I went to grab it.
Not particularly pleasant.
Back in reality, my weight automatically shifted to my left side. Luckily, that foot seemed perfectly fine. Well, luckily might have been a bit of a stretch. I felt anything but lucky at that moment.
Then a thought struck me, one almost as terrifying as the situation itself.
Where the hell was I?
Just enough light bled into the room from above for me to get a good look around, not that there was much to look at. A quick 360 pivot revealed I was in a small, nearly empty chasm with thick jagged stone jutting out towards me, forming a make-shift wall. The only potential exit was a claustrophobic dirt path running further into the...cave, maybe?
Well, it was either a cave, or a really detailed movie set. No cameras, green screens, or Pitts in sight, so probably not the latter.
My eyes widened when I finally looked skyward. If I had stumbled into my own Indiana Jones set, it was trying pretty damn hard to be convincing.
The light had been pouring through a gaping hole in the stone, hundreds...no, maybe thousands of feet above me. Could've been twenty and I still would've been screwed, those extra thousands just added insult to injury. Had I...
...Had I survived that fall?
Yep, I see no possible problem with that theory, Einstein. Even as I scolded myself, my doubts had already began to waver. How the hell else would I have ended up down here? Obviously, I just climbed down here in the middle of the night, decided to lay down for a quick nap, and woke up with half the bones in my body shattered. Yeah, sure, that made enough sense, at least compared to the alternative.
C'mon, think! But that was so much harder with your brain pulsating painfully every other second, as if someone were trying to drill into the side of your head. I remembered standing right on the edge of a bottomless pit, the wind howling in my ears. Night time, maybe, 'cause it was nearly pitch black and freezing cold wherever I was. A name materialized itself in my head.
Mt. Ebott.
It was famous in my town, not necessarily as a tourist attraction, but more of a folk tale we told the little kids to scare the crap out of them.
...Er, that was my reason, anyway. Parents usually spread the story around to keep their children from scrambling up the mountain and hurting themselves. Apparently, anyone who climbed it was never heard from again. So basically every generic "don't touch that!" and "don't go there!" legend ever told, only now it didn't seem like much of a fable.
All of a sudden, I started to feel really, really lucky again. There's no way I had survived that fall. Unless this was hell, although I was always pictured it with more face-melting flames licking at the rocks.
This is real. This is happening. I didn't especially feel like standing around any longer wondering how I was still alive. What really concerned me was making sure I stayed that way. And that meant finding a means out.
There was no visible way back up the chasm I'd tumbled down, aside from trying to scale the razor-sharp rocks. Which, factoring in the height, plus my current condition of, "ouch," left me with approximately a negative five out ten chance to get out of here that way. And still no idea whether any help would arrive after that.
Another surge of pain lurched through my body, starting from my foot and rising through to my mouth to be let out in a series of ragged coughs. I was in doubtlessly more pain that I'd ever been in before. I didn't even feel strong enough to call for help. Not that anyone would be able to hear me from all the way down here, let alone know where to start looking for me. Or care enough to search at all.
"Son of a-!" I attempted a yell, and immediately regretted it. My stomach tried to stab itself as I hacked out another cough. Who knew yelling sucked so much when even breathing hurt? "Only one way out, then..." I muttered to myself, turning back towards the path carving further into the mountain. I didn't have any reason to believe it actually lead anywhere, but it wasn't like I had a ton of other options. Aside from curling up and dying, of course, but I wasn't quite that desperate yet.
Right as I began my first step, or half-shuffle, more like it, I was met with the crisp sound of leaves shifting beneath my feet. It stood out since it was pretty much the only sound I'd heard besides my grunts of excruciating pain and hollow breaths.
I glanced down, discovering it wasn't leaves, but...
...Flower petals. Unrealistically golden, luscious flower petals, somehow in full bloom despite their unfortunate living conditions. At first, I figured they had to be fake, but as I bent over to feel them with my fingertips, despite my back's protests, they definitely felt...alive. Breathing. Like all they've only ever had one major function in life; to grow taller, and were hell bent on sticking to it.
I scoffed.
Lucky bastards.
Aside from that, they felt both soft and springy, like a bed and mattress. I'd bet anything those were what broke my fall.
...And didn't show even one sign of me smashing into them. Not one dent or dead flower, even after cushioning my thousand foot fall. So either I didn't fall, or these things were freaking mutant flowers.
I limped over them carelessly. If they didn't die earlier, then nothing could kill them.
Without a cast or crutches or anything to support my limbs, I basically had to drag my injured foot along with me. Felt like someone was hammering it with every step I took, but I soldiered on. To my surprise, the path actually went somewhere. It turned off to a separate hallway lined with...shaped marble columns! Finally, a sign of intelligent life, or at least life good enough with their hands to function properly. Maybe I wasn't alone down here. Maybe all of those bullshit stories surrounding Mt. Ebott were just that; bullshit stories.
I stumbled into a dimly lit claustrophobic room with a chilly atmosphere hanging over it like a thick fog. The only thing in sight was a lonely looking flower with golden pedals lining it's ashen head.
My pained groans ground against he stone, echoing off the dusty cavern. Stumbling again, I threw a hand against the wall to hold myself up. It was so impossible to keep moving. With no help in sight and my oh-so-fiery charisma slowly dying, I figured there wasn't much time left before-
"Howdy!"
My body reacted before my mind could. I spun towards the voice and leapt away from it and the wall at the same time, landing on my injured foot and sending waves of agony rippling up my leg. It was all I could do to keep from passing out as I crumpled to the floor.
"Oh, sorry, did I scare you?"
My vision was going dark around the edges. I tried to locate the source of the sound, but the only thing in here was that damned flower...
Wait...
I mentally slapped myself.
The flower had a face.
And it was frowning at me.
"Are you hurt?" it asked, eyeing my pathetic form up and down. Its mouth curled in time with each word that resonated through the room.
"I dunno, do I look like it?" I grunted sarcastically.
It narrowed its eyes. "It's kind of hard to tell...could you stand up so I can get a better look?"
I honestly couldn't tell if it was sarcasm, or if I was on the verge of death talking to a dim-witted wannabe sunflower.
"No." I spat. Had I hit my head when I fell? Maybe this was just some bizarre hallucination. Or I was already dead and I had been right in assuming this was hell.
"Hold on, I think I can heal you."
Think?
"Well, if you're gonna do it, now would be good!" I yelled, my lungs screaming in protest.
Suddenly, the pain subsided, flowing out of my body in a river of relief. Whatever that flower had done, it'd done it well.
My muscles were still a bit stiff, but I climbed to my feet regardless, hugging the wall for support. I flexed my foot out and back just to make sure it worked again.
"Finally." I said, turning my attention back to the talking flower. His frown had been replaced by a huge ear-to-ear grin (or petal to petal, I guess), and his eyes flickered with light.
And without the pain to distract me anymore, I realized the absurdity of my situation. I'd survived a well over a thousand foot fall, granted with major injuries, stumbled into a pitch-black cavern, and got magically restored to normal by an animate flower.
Animate. Freaking. Flower.
Forget hell, this was far worse. Far, far worse. I might as well have stumbled into a cruel retelling of Alice in Wonderland.
"So, uh, you're a...figment of my dying imagination, right?" I asked casually, as if I'd been asking my neighbor if I could borrow some sugar.
It shook it's head softly. Which, for him, basically meant violently swaying his whole body.
"Sorry, it was rude of me not to introduce myself right away, but I got distracted when you fell over..." it apologized in a high-pitched sing-song voice you might hear from a children's cartoon. Or those annoying little girl characters in every anime ever. I'd only ever heard bits and pieces, but...come on, I was right. "I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower!"
I smiled. My patience was...already wearing thin with this one. "Flowey, huh? Creative name."
"I know, right!? I thought of it myself!" he stated proudly.
What a tool.
"You know where this is, golden & gray?"
It took him a moment to ponder my question, or to realize I was still referring to him. "Hmm...you're new to the Underground, aren'tcha?"
I frowned, jamming my hands in my pockets. I had prepared some stupid witty comeback, but scrapped it, figuring it would just go right over his head. "Yeah."
"Golly, you must be so confused. Someone ought to teach you how things work around here!"
My posture stiffened instinctively. I didn't like the sound of that.
"I guess little old me will have to do."
Definitely did not like the sound of that.
"Uh, hold on there short stuff..." I protested.
"Ready!?" It blurted out. "Here we go!"
Oh god.
At first, nothing seemed to happen. I anxiously stared at the ground, waiting for some kind of giant vine-of-death to pop up and skewer me like a kebab.
"See that heart?"
Now that he'd pointed it out, I couldn't believed I'd missed it in the first place. An eight-bit scarlet heart had sprouted out from my chest where my actual heart would've been.
Okay, new theory. If I wasn't dead, and I wasn't dreaming (and this sure as hell didn't feel like a dream) then someone must have slipped LSD in my whatever-the-hell I had last to eat. I probably stumbled to the mountain in a state of confusion and tumbled on down here, and now I was having those flashbacks.
Then again, why did it all feel so real...
"That is your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!"
"...Culmination? Fancy word there, Flowey." I said.
"Thanks!"
Alright, if this explanation didn't end in another thirty seconds, I was bailing. I couldn't stand it when my insults went ignored, it felt way worse than getting one back in return. 'Cause at least then, I knew I'd struck a nerve.
"Anyways, your SOUL starts off weak, but can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV."
"What's LV stand for?" he continued, apparently reading my 'what the hell are you babbling on about' expression. "Why, LOVE, of course! You want some LOVE, don't you?"
Something about his emphasis on the word 'love' rubbed me the wrong way. Even if it meant what I'd been brought up to believe, tampering with love wasn't exactly something I did too often. Especially with retarded flowers.
"Nah, I'm...I'm good." I murmured, shifting towards an opening on the opposite end of the room.
He gave me a quizzical look. A very, very, very unsettling quizzical look. "Really? C'mon, let me share some with you!" He stuck his tongue out at me and winked, sending a white speck of pollen flying across through the air. I continued nonchalantly half-stepping towards my means of escape, or at least away from his ear-bleedingly obnoxious voice. I'd rather shove a fork in my ear than listen to him anymore.
"Down here, love is shared through... Little white...'friendliness pellets.'"
Aaaaaaand that was my cue. Any 'white pellets' Flowey was sharing weren't anything I'd be touching anytime soon. "Yeah...you can keep your 'friendliness pellets' to yourself." I muttered. Aside from being...incredibly disturbing, none of his explanation was making any sense. 'Gaining love' through absorbing 'friendliness pellets' made about as much sense as stuffing your face to get better at cooking.
For Christ's sake, who the hell planted this flower in a dark, isolated cavern anyways? Was it literally only to get the flower out of their hair?
"Oh, trust me, you want as many of these things as you can get!" Flowey exclaimed. Was he rolling his eyes? "Here!"
Before I could protest again, Flowey launched his pellets in my direction. I sighed, not defeated, but just...well, done with Flowey's shit. Maybe it would be easier just to accept his incredibly creepy gift. If it would get him off my back sooner...
I cupped my hand out to grab at the first one to near me. It hovered in front of my face, gently shifting side to side as it fluttered to the ground, like a snow flake-
"AH!"
My spine snapped with a stomach-churning crunch as I was thrown against the wall. I gasped, crumpling to the floor like a rag doll, signals flying every which way in my head trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
Shrill, sinister laughter echoed through the room, screeching into my ears, taunting me. I rolled my head over to try to locate the sound, fighting the urge to lose consciousness. It was hard to tell through my blurred vision, but Flowey's face had completely transformed.
His mouth was lined with razor-sharp teeth like barbed wire, and he was cackling hysterically, as if I was the funniest thing in the world to him.
"You idiot," he whispered, gazing menacingly at me.
That's when it hit me. I had been tricked.
By a freaking flower.
"In this world, it's kill or be killed," he continued. I tried to say something, but all that came out of my mouth was the gurgling of blood and a few croaks.
"Why would anyone pass up an opportunity like this?"
I couldn't even muster a come-back. My mind was losing the battle to keep consciousness. The remnants of my adrenaline fought to keep the pain from coursing through my body, but failed. I was at the mercy of my killer.
I was the tool.
Another stream of those hellish white pellets surrounded me, cutting off my already nonexistent escape path.
There was no emotion to Flowey's voice as he spoke again. "Die."
The pellets were closing in. I closed my eyes, losing myself in the malice of Flowey's demonic laugh.
Goddammit, this wasn't how it was supposed it was supposed to end. I counted down to my final moments. Three...
Two...
One...
...
...?
...Wow, those pellets sure are taking their damn time.
My eyes fluttered open again. If I could move, I would've shot up in surprise. The bullets had vanished into thin air.
The devil-flower had returned to his semi-normal state, a confused scowl plastered on his face.
"Huh? Why are you not dead?"
As if on cue, a bright red fireball came blasting out of the wall, knocking Flowey across the room. Under different circumstances, I would've been confused and scared out of my mind, but everything felt so agonizingly sluggish and distant. A dream.
Now it really felt like a dream.
Footsteps padded over in my direction. Next thing I knew, I was staring at two over-sized furry white feet and the bottom of what looked like some kind of skirt.
"What a terrible creature, torturing such a poor, innocent youth..."
That was the last thing I heard before blacking out.