Heya, just to warn you this has lots of mentions of self harm, doesn't really get saucy at all but there are hints. If you're into far TOO MUCH SAUCE you should check out another fix I wrote called 'The Lake '. It's drarry too. I got this idea from someone else but can't for the life of me remember. if it was you please do let me know!*

I was 12 when I first found it. I was searching through Snape's books, to try and find some potions to practice. I had a love of making potions and I wanted to try everything, even the potions i couldn't possibly make. Sectumsempra, I had no ideas of the consequences, or even what it was, but the mystery of it interested me.

I was 13 when I first used it. It haunted me for years, I wanted to know what it was but I did not want to risk it. I stole some flobber worms from Hagrid, the easier option, I did not want to hurt anyone. The flobber worm died on my dorm room floor, it's oozing blood sliding over the wood. I dream about it sometimes.

I was 14 when I mastered the spell, how to control where it targeted and how deep it cut. I still had no way of healing the helpless creatures I had put through the torture. My eyes had clouded over time, the sparkly grey of 11 turning to the dark storms of a 14 year old murderer with a count rate of 47. I was scared of myself just as I was scared of the world.

I was 15 when I found the cure, the healing spell that notted the cuts back together, sewing up and healing the wounds, leaving nothing but silvery slits.

Vulnera Sanentur, the cure, came in useful, allowing itself to heal other cuts and scabs, thought it never fully fixed my life.

I was 16 when I first used Sectumsempra on myself, allowing deep cuts to slice open my inner thigh and then heal it, moments later. I became addicted to the pleasure of allowing my blood to drip down my leg, to the scarring it pain that I put myself through.

I was 17 when he entered the bathroom, when he found me crying and chocking over the rusted sink. I couldn't deal with my father, voldermort, the task that I had to complete. He hit me with the same curse I had used on myself barely half an hour before then. I had been so low I didn't heal my cuts, just letting myself lose countless amounts of blood. But it had been a stupid thing to do, I had lost too much already. I should die from this and it's more than I deserve. Snape arrived just in time, I had been too weak to heal myself. The dread of realising I would not die hit me fast, leaving me with the realisation that in fact death would be so much better than this.

I was 17 when Snape carried me to Madame Pumphrey's hospital wing, laying me down and stuffing a chocolate biscuit into my mouth. I heard him whispering to her, asking advice, what it is he must do. I did not quite catch what she had go say. It seemed like hours when Madame Pumphrey bustled over with fresh pajamas and I could finally change. As I looked down I realised my legs were painted thick red and black with blood, Snape not realising my thighs were cut too. I left them the alone, enjoying the feeling of safety that they showed me.

I was 17 when I had my first kiss with a breathless curly haired freak who had just tried to kill me. Harry had come to apologise, to say things and make amends. I didn't expect him to kiss me or for me to enjoy it. I didn't expect him to cast a silencing charm and close my bed curtains. I didn't expect him to pull down my pants and run his hands over my bleeding thighs, even though I had told him not to, begged him not to look.

I was 17 when Harry grabbed his wand to cast Lumos and saw the massacre of deep slits that covered both of my upper legs. He stared as I cleared away the blood and healed the slits, adding them to the gallery that was my legs. He spoke words of comfot at he sat in between my things, stroking my hips and kissing my chest. His words were like poison in my viens. I had known for years that I needed to torture myself in a new way, that it wasn't giving me enough pain. The shame of my family and it's name could quench my thirst.

I was 17 when I gave my body up to Harry Potter.