Ever since I was a little, clueless kid, I had found it hard to believe there was anything past the sky. Now that I was older, I wasn't oblivious to the existence of space or other solar systems and galaxies or any of that crap, but the dim sky blues and the murky grays the atmosphere projected always seemed so...final, like the wall of a prison cell. But here, in the Underground, the feeling was only amplified to be more constricting, as if it were tightening the noose around my neck. I was looking upwards at a sky I knew with utmost certainty ended, one that remained dark as twilight, unmoving and unchanging.

I hadn't realized it until now, but the moment I left the Ruins, the world randomly felt the need open up and stop looking like the Underground, from the surplus of trees and snow to the sky itself. The very top of the cavern wasn't a low-hanging ceiling nearly scraping the top of my head anymore, but an ocean of dark-blue towering far above me. The first time I noticed it, my thoughts actually wandered off the cold. It almost felt like a replica, an attempt at reconstructing the sky I'd come to know on the surface. And no, that didn't make me feel any less trapped.

Sure, it was at least more spacious than the caverns I'd explored, even with the mixture of tall jet black and evergreen trees packed so tightly together you could've mistaken them for a massive fence at first glance, but that didn't change anything. It was still a hindrance, and not to mention a cheep knock-off of the real sky.

I sighed and kicked at the snow in frustration. Fake. It all felt so fake, like a washed out painting, or a mirage in the desert. An illusion the monsters had created with their magic doo-dads and the what-nots and the bippity-boppity-bullcrap. If I stared hard enough at the haze, my gaze pierced the blue apparition, and the stalactites ducking beneath its shadow became clearer than day.

Something else about it was tugging at my thoughts as well. Why would they go to the trouble of making their world look as much like ours as possible? It came off as pathetic, like they had accepted they would never return to the surface, and figured mimicking it was their next best option. If you had the potential and freedom to use your fancy magic and make the sky look like anything you want, why not make it something you couldn't find anywhere else? Why not give it its own identity, like a solid blood red or pink polka dots with white stripes or any combination of colors you could think of? Why-

"-Ow!" I yelped as something hard smacked into the back of my head, nearly knocking me off my feet. I recovered my balance quickly, despite the weight of the snow at my feet pulling me down, and spun around to find out what the hell had hit me. It may be about time for me to stop thinking so much and actually focus on the creatures relentlessly trying to kill me.

"You're gonna regret...that..." I trailed off, eyes widening. My mind was having trouble comprehending the monstrosity sprawled out before me. How the actual living hell did I not notice this abomination while passing by it a minute ago?

"Ice puns are snow problem, you know!" it cried, launching waves of crescent shaped projectiles at me.

I was almost too stunned by its appearance to react. The best words I could come up with to describe it were 'snow chicken,' and even that didn't do it much justice. It stood a few yards back at about the same height as me...assuming that...thing jutting out of its beak was actually a part of its face. It was either that, or a terrifying mask shaped vaguely like a snow-flake. Pile all that on top of the body, legs, feathers, and talons of a chicken with teeth that looked sharp enough to tear my head clean off, and you got...whatever the hell this thing was. Oh, and a pun somehow even worse than Sans', which wasn't exactly an easy feat.

I side-stepped the new and improved friendliness pellets as they whizzed past my face, moving fast enough that I felt cold wind rush by as the air split behind them. Thank the big snow chicken in the sky they weren't real razor blades, or I'd be sprawled out on the ground, painting the snow red. Once I'd finally begun to get over how strange it looked, I scowled at the beast, grabbing the Almighty Stick and toy knife.

"..." Dammit, why was I having such a hard time coming up with an insult to start the fight? Maybe this thing was such a mess they all seemed way too easy or obvious. Or it's big, beady eyes nervously eyeing me up and down were cutting off the blood flow to my brain. I eventually settled on something simple, and, coincidentally, the first coherent sentence that popped into my head; "Ice to meet you, but I must be...snowing...now."

...

...

Alright, new theory. Let's just attack him...her...it, whatever, and then never speak again. Please.

I ran at my attacker, extra careful to duck under and jump over his flurries of projectiles instead of rolling as usual, solely to keep from flopping around in the freezing snow. Once I was close enough, I took a running leap, launching off of any traction I could gather from the ground, and whacked it across the beak with the brunt of the stick.

I expected some kind of grunt or cry of pain, but since the universe didn't feel like being normal right now, that didn't happen. Instead, KFC's new winter mascot let loose something between a squeal and a shriek from its beak.

"W-what'd you go and do that for?" It squawked, flailing its wings around wildly, like a chicken without a...oh, right.

For a moment, I had trouble deciding whether I was angry, or confused all over again. "The hell are you talking about!?" I demanded, settling on angry, and discarding my promise not to speak again. "You attacked me!"

"I didn't attack nobody!"

For the second time in two minutes, I was left nearly speechless. Why did stupid people always feel the need to challenge the obvious? "You beamed me in the back of the head with...whatever the hell that was. Don't try and lie to me, mother-clucker, or the next one's going right down your throat!" I yelled, shoving the Almighty Stick right in his face for him to get a good look.

Was I overreacting a little bit? Probably. Did I care?

Hahahahaha, good one.

Meanwhile, the grim reality of the situation finally seemed to dawn on Snowchicken as a sullen look overcame his...for convenience sake, lets keep calling it a face. "I-I just wanted someone to listen to my jokes, you know...?"

I blinked awkwardly. The sheer stupidity of that statement caused, yet again, a malfunction in my brain. This dude was a walking brain-cell-popper. "So you tried to beat me unconscious!? Dude, the creepy stalker freaks usually take at least a week before they start kidnapping."

"I ain't no kidnapper!" He protested, stomping the ground in frustration. "It's just...you know, whenever I try my out puns on anyone else, they make fun of me and walk away." It gazed at me...longingly? Way to turn this situation even creepier than it already was, dude. "I figured, you know, since you're new around here, you might...you know, listen..."

"You know?" I added obnoxiously, turning to leave. Could you blame me? I didn't exactly ask for this sap's entire life story, and it clearly wasn't worth my time.

"But then, I thought to myself," he babbled on. "'No way Snowdrake, you're crazy! He'll just ignore you!'" Well, at least he got that part right. "You gotta keep a captive audience, you know?" It stumbled along beside me, staring into my soul, practically begging for attention. Naturally, I didn't even glance his way. I was trying my absolute hardest not to hear him, yet I couldn't resist the urge to fire back.

"You could've just asked, you know," I said calmly.

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yeah." I smiled at him. "I would've said no, but you still could've asked."

He shot me a look as if I'd told him his grandmother was in the hospital and did a complete one-eighty, sauntering off back the way we came. I planted my feet in the snow for a moment to watch him go. His head hung so low that his beak actually scraped against the powder, but I still didn't pity him in the slightest. After all, he did just try and use force to keep me as his captive audience...

...So, if I wasn't concerned with him getting a chuckle out of someone anytime soon, why couldn't I peel my eyes off him?

The answer hit me like a friendliness pellet to the face.

I cupped my hands together and called after him. "Hey, Snowdrake, hold up a sec!"

The instant my voice assaulted his eardrums, he spun around and his expression lit up in fireworks. Sucker probably thought I was calling him back for an encore. "Yeah, what is it?" He said, trying and failing to mask the excitement in his voice with annoyance.

I skipped right to the point, practically interrogating the poor bastard. "You said the only reason you attacked me was to get me to listen to your dumb snow puns, right?"

The fireworks in his eyes fizzled out without a bang, leaving only the smoke and disappointment. "Oh...uh-huh..." he mumbled.

Interesting. "So...there's no way in hell you were looking to take my soul?" I asked casually.

"WHAT?!" It screeched, shattering the otherwise silent forest. I slammed my hands over my ears. The scream was so loud you could visibly see the pine trees' needles rustling. "Where did that come from?! You think I'm some kind of...of...of soul thief?"

Well that certainly snapped him out of it. "...So you don't know I'm human..." I muttered under my breath, too quietly for him to hear. No, that's impossible. They'd notice my...

I glanced down at my chest, eyeing the glowing red heart popping out of the front my hoodie. My soul. None of the monsters I'd seen wore their heart on their sleeve like I did, so I figured it would just be a dead giveaway. A neon sign glowing on the side of a skyscraper in Vegas, screaming, "HUMAN! HUMAN!" to any monster looking for a tasty snack. I knew for a fact they could see it, too. After all, Toriel had made that god-awful heart pun when we first met.

Actually, forget about the Soul, shouldn't they already know what humans looked like if their entire race was hunting for them!? Sans at least seemed to have that down, and Snowdrake over there was at least intelligent enough to crack a pun, so what was the deal? Granted, Sans was supposedly a sentry on the look out for humanity...

"Forget it!" Snowdrake scattered my thoughts, flapping his wings in the single most irritating fashion possible. "I'll take my puns elsewhere! I ain't taking insults and accusations from somebody who don't know the first thing 'bout comedy, you know?"

With, that, he turned and started to stomp off.

"But you said everyone was giving you shit for your jokes!" I protested, but he'd already disappeared behind the nearest evergreen. Good riddance, I guess? At least the trees couldn't complain when his ice puns crashed and burned...and melted.

Moments later, I shook off the strange encounter, and found myself trudging forward again, following the only marked path I could find. I didn't dare start running, worrying I'd space out again and sprint headfirst into a trap.

For some reason, the idea that the majority of the monsters may not even know I'm human chipped away at my remaining brain cells. Were my enemies that really that incompetent? Could I just waltz forward and be back "home" in time for supper? On the other hand, maybe I was wrong, and Snowdrake was just one in a million. On the grotesque third hand, he may have been a spy, and was heading back to organize an ambush. I urged myself to be a little more aware at that thought, since by this point, anything was possible.

And if the first were true and only a handful of them could tell the difference between a human and a rock with googly eyes, I could always try and milk some help out of 'em.

"...As I was saying about Undyne..."

Oh god, was that Papyrus' voice? Already? I couldn't help but mutter; "Speaking of incompetence..."

I slowed down until my steps were nearly silent, or as silent as they physically could be with the constant aggravating sounds of ice crunching beneath my feet, and crept up beside the nearest tree.

...Then the needles starting digging into my face and I canned the idea of stealth, throwing myself out into the open with an annoyed grunt. What's the worst they could do to me anyways? Have Paps scream at me till I fell over dead?

Yikes. I shuddered. On second thought, maybe I should've stayed hidden.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum, or Sans and Papyrus (yes, in that order,) turned to investigate the sound. I stared back at them confidently, almost chuckling the look of shock corrupting Papyrus' face, and the...static nonchalant expression on Sans' face.

"S-S-S-S-SANS!" His hand shot out and latched onto Sans' shoulder like a crane, yanking him around so their backs were turned to me.

I rolled my eyes as Papyrus' not-so-quiet whispers floated over. "Oh my god! Is that...A human!?" He whipped back around, teeth chattering with anxiety. I smirked back at him and waved, half hoping for and half dreading another one of his freak outs.

...Wait, why the hell were they peering around me?

"Uhhhh..." Sans muttered, sounding even more brain-dead that usual. "Actually, I think that's a rock."

"...Oh."

I dropped my hand to my side and let out a grunt of frustration. Figures they'd enjoy staring at rocks so much. After all, family had to stick together, right?

Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yelled; "Over here, ass-hats!"

That finally got their attention. Papyrus' gaze shifted over to me, and his face somehow turned an even paler shade of white than usual.

"OH MY GOD!" Yep, should've stuck to sneaking around. His voice was actively pounding the shit out of my ears. "Is...is that a human?"

"Yes." Sans said confidently.

"OH MY GOD! Sans, I finally did it!"

Did it? Congratulations, you successfully looked at a human for the first time. "Yeah, but that was just the easy part!" I argued, staring the two down like it was high noon in the wild west.

Looking at the two skele-bros side-by-side, they couldn't have seemed less related. Next to his brother, San's slouch only seemed more intense, and he was already only half Papyrus' height. Sans mumbled everything while Papyrus shrieked at the top of his...lungs (maybe?), one dressed like a confused cosplayer and the other managed to crawl out of the house looking semi-normal, etcetera, etcetera. The only similarity I could think of off the top of my head is their uncanny ability to piss people off. Even then, that might just be a me thing, and the hell did I know?

"Undyne will..." Papyrus ranted, so infatuated with himself he ended up ignoring my comment entirely. "I'm gonna...I-I'll be so...POPULAR!"

I eyed Sans, looking as apathetic as possible. "Does he need help?" All the poor skeleton could offer back was a shrug.

Papyrus cleared his...spine, before shooting me a determined glare. "Human!" He began, pointing a bright non-threatening gloved hand at my face. "You shall not pass this area!" Striking a 'heroic' pose, he added; "I, The Great Papyrus, will stop you!"

Meanwhile, I was pretending to check my fingernails, drilling it into his skull that he didn't intimidate me in the slightest. "Right. And then pigs will fly, double rainbows will flood the skies, and I'll give a shit about anything you're screaming at me."

Papyrus looked totally stumped. "Eh...what did the human say?"

Once again, Sans was ready to step in an answer for him. "She means that you don't scare her."

"WHAT?!" Papyrus and I shouted in unison. Whatever the hell was pissing him off, I was fuming over the 'she' and 'her' part!

"If that was not enough to frighten you, may I add that I will then CAPTURE YOU! YOU WILL BE DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL! THEN. THEN!

"...I'm not sure what happens next."

I shook my head. Worry about that later, we need to finish putting this kid to bed. "Oh, the capital, huh?" I teased, making it sound as important as possible. "And you're gonna roll out the red carpet for me, too, I presume?"

"SANS! The human still refuses to make any sense!" he barked, stomping his feet in annoyance. This time, he didn't even give his brother a chance to respond. Instead he whipped around to face me and chanted; "In any case, continue...only if you dare!"

I choked out at a sigh of relief as the maniac ran off cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West. Fingers crossed he'd melt if I tossed a bucket of water on him.

With him gone, I turned on Sans. "So what the hell is with this 'she' bullshit?"

Sans looked completely clueless. "What?"

"Oh nothing. Except I'm a dude." I said indignantly.

He raised an...eye socket at me. Christ, remembering skeleton anatomy and all the laws of physics being broken was beginning to get mentally taxing. "Really?"

"Yes!" I insisted, feeling my face grow flushed against my will.

He scanned my body from head to toe, eye sockets glowing with disapproval. "...Keep telling yourself that, bud."

I prepared to launch into a rant defending my appearance, but cut myself short. Arguing with Sans didn't seem very worth it. I had a feeling I couldn't change his opinion, no matter how much I berated him with mine.

He must've noticed my defeat, because he kept talking with the same smug expression. "Anyways, you could probably already guess this, but you really won't have to sweat any of the traps my bro can throw at you. Especially with me here to keep an eye socket out for ya."

I nodded. As if I need your help. "Whatever, just run ahead and make sure your brother doesn't trip and bust his skull open on a...pebble, or something."

He winked at me, once again obliterating any knowledge I had about the anatomy of a skull, and sauntered off to chase after his brother.

Once he'd vanished deeper in the forest, I let out a loud, contented sigh I'd been holding in since approaching the the two not-so spooky scary skeletons. They were admittedly exhausting to 'talk' to. Every insult, threat, or whatever the hell Papyrus thought he was talking about I threw back at them felt like a mountain I had to climb over, with nothing but my bare words. Still...there was some joy to be found in poking fun at people who rarely understood the joke. It was like gambling away expired coupons, they're weren't really any repercussions no matter which direction it headed in. Even battling Sans for victory over the pun and insult wars was a hurdle, but not one...too agonizing to jump. At least, compared to 'Papyrus the Mighty,' or whatever he'd called himself before.

I followed after Sans and Papyrus' footprints in the snow, as if I had any real choice. I might as well be Dorothy with my ruby-red slippers glued to the yellow brick road, except with no dog, scarecrow, tin man, or lion to keep me company. Just two annoying animate skeletons who showed up whenever they felt like it, and of course the Almighty Stick. Not that I was complaining about traveling (for the most part) alone. Toriel's advice and her constant worrying had grown tiring before long when I journeyed with her, and even though I had looked forward to reuniting with her further down the road, I wasn't exactly exuberant at the idea of her following me around, or hell, just hanging around others in the first place. It was more so the mind numbing boredom and tedium than anything else making me wish someone else would show up.

God, who else but me could stumble into a nest full of weird undiscovered monsters, constantly fight for their life, and somehow come out feeling bored? Maybe I was spoiled after getting attacked straight out of the gate, so now every moment of downtime felt like coming down off a sugar high.

Of all things, a bland signpost the color of mud managed to break up the monotony. "Absolutely no moving..." I read aloud. Well, that's one less rule I have to follow today. Unless they left a teleporter lying around, in which case I'll gladly oblige.

Going back to my usual affair of ignoring strange signposts left out in the middle of nowhere...actually, scratch that, I usually read them the first time passing through...

So going back to my usual affair of ignoring strange signposts left out in the middle of nowhere after reading them, I took one step farther in the snow-

"-Did something move?" came a shady sounding voice.

I tensed up. Hey, would ya look at that. Something.

A shack almost identical to the two I'd passed, the first for Sans and the second, I presumed, for Papyrus, stood in front of me. Apparently the skele-bros weren't the only sentries stationed around here.

The slim head of a dog emerged from the opening, eyes sharp as a dagger, and staring straight at me.

I didn't even have enough time to move before he spoke again. "Was it my imagination?"

My hand rested uneasily on my pockets, fingers clenched tighter than a clam shell. The hell was it waiting for? And invitation to come slaughter me?

He jumped out of the post feet-first, a slender anthropomorphic dog, skinnier than a toothpick after a run in with a piece of sandpaper, with a short sword in each paw. A bead of sweat admittedly ran down my forehead at the sight of the blades. They looked sharp enough to kill, way more threatening than any other weapon drawn at me, even Toriel's fire or - god forbid - Snowdrake's puns.

"Because, if something did move..." he continued in a low, steely tone. "For example, a human...I'll make sure it NEVER moves again."

Just as the last bark was spat from his mouth, he leaned back on its haunches and leapt at me, the tip of his swords pointed right at my throat.