THE FOLLOWING IS A DISCLAIMER: By now, you should have figured out that I didn't create Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon was created by a pharmacist from Japan named Naoko Takeuchi(yes, she did become a licensed pharmacist. Google it.). Everything in this story I own is the stuff I created. The only gain I get from this story is the joy and relaxation I get writing this stuff, I don't make any money off it.
SAILOR MOON: 1987
EPISODE 7: JAEDITE
NOVEMBER 29, 1986
DOWNTOWN FULLERTON, CALIFORNIA 9:30 AM
As Bear was pouring the coffee, someone started pounding at the door to his "palace". "Bear!" a man in his late 20s, who was out of breath from running, said.
"What is it, Candyman?" Bear asked.
"Trouble at Jackrabbit Slim's camp," Candyman said, between breaths. "Someone's roughing him up bad. From the looks of it, he's one of those Four Lords of Hell they're talking about on the grapevine."
"Call the others!" Golden Hawk said, putting his mask back on. "Tell them to meet us at Jackrabbit Slim's place."
"Maybe some other time on the coffee," Bear said, joining Golden Hawk, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Venus, and Artemis, as they went to Jackrabbit Slim's camp. "Meet us at Jackrabbit Slim's camp," Sailor Venus said.
When they arrived, a young, androgynous looking man, with long strawberry blond hair, wearing a military style uniform with the pants tucked into his boots, and a cape attached to the coat, as well as eye makeup and earrings, was holding Jackrabbit Slim by the throat, ,just like Darth Vader held Captain Antilles by the throat at the beginning of Star Wars. "Where is it?" the man said. "Where is the Legendary Silver Millennium Crystal?"
"How the fuck should I know?" Jackrabbit Slim asked.
"I have it on good authority someone else is looking for the Crystal, as well," the man said. "Who is it? Tell me, and your death will be quick, clean, and painless."
"I'll tell you who it is," Jackrabbit Slim said. "His first name is Nunya, his middle name is Damn, and his last name is Business."
"Let him go!" Golden Hawk said.
"Who said that?" the man said.
"I did," Golden Hawk said.
"And who the hell are you?" the man asked.
"I stand for baseball, I stand for rock and roll, I stand for apple pie, I stand for Disneyland," Golden Hawk said. "I am the modern day heavy metal urban vigilante for the 1980s. I stand with Sailor Moon, and the Sailor Soldiers, and anyone who wants to harm the innocent has to go through me. My name is Golden Hawk, and in the name of everything that is awesome and wicked cool, I will kick your ass."
"And my name is Jaedite," he said. "I am one of the Four Lords of Hell, the sons of the Prince of Darkness himself, Satan. I live to serve my mistress, Queen Metalia, and seek only to see her take her rightful place as absolute dictator of the Universe."
"I stand for love and intelligence," Sailor Mercury said. "I am Sailor Mercury, and in the name of Mercury, douse yourself with water and repent."
"I stand for love and beauty," Sailor Venus said. "I am Sailor Venus, and in the name of Venus, prepare to meet your fate."
"I stand for love, I stand for peace, I stand for truth, justice, and the American way," Sailor Moon said, as she, Sailor Mars, and Sailor Jupiter, along with Luna, arrived. "I am Sailor Moon, the Pretty Soldier of the Moon and protector of the people of Earth, and in the name of the Moon, I will punish you."
"I stand for love and passion," Sailor Mars said. "I am Sailor Mars, and in the name of Mars, evil will go down in flames."
"I stand for love and courage," Sailor Jupiter said. "I am Sailor Jupiter, and in the name of Jupiter, you'll ride the lightning."
"Now put my friend down!" Golden Hawk said. "He doesn't have the Legendary Silver Millennium Crystal."
"You want him, you take him!" Jaedite said, throwing Jackrabbit Slim at Golden Hawk, who caught him.
"Anything broken?" Golden Hawk asked.
"My back hurts like hell from when he slammed me against the wall," Jackrabbit Slim said. "He also kicked me a couple times, I think I may have a couple cracked ribs. And I hit my head as well, I may have a concussion."
"I'll take care of him," Bear said. "Candyman, go to Kelly's Bar and call an ambulance for Jackrabbit Slim."
"On it," Candyman said.
"Looks like your left shoulder is dislocated," Bear said. "I'll set it for you. "I should warn you, it's going to hurt like hell, but unfortunately, I don't have anything to give you for the pain."
"Just give me something to bite on," Jackrabbit Slim said.
"Bite this," Golden Hawk said, grabbing a .22 caliber bullet from a pouch on his belt, and putting it between Jackrabbit Slim's teeth.
As Jackrabbit Slim bit down on the bullet, Golden Hawk held him down, one hand on his shoulder, near the joint, the other on his arm, near the shoulder. Bear drove the heel of his hand down, hitting the joint as hard as he could. Jackrabbit Slim screamed through clenched teeth as his shoulder popped back into place.
"No matter," Jaedite said. "He'll meet his end when Queen Metalia takes her rightful place as ruler of Earth."
"Only person meeting his end today is you, Jaedite," Golden Hawk said.
"Tough talk," Jaedite said. "But do any of you have the stones to back it up?"
Golden Hawk responded by getting a running start, placing the end of his staff on the ground near Jaedite, using it as a pivot, and delivering an enziguri kick to the back of Jaedite's head. "I'm actually the only one here who has stones at all," Golden Hawk said. "In case you haven't noticed."
"The only human with stones, that is," Artemis said, leaping towards Jaedite and scratching his face with his claws.
"That hurt, you walking fleabag!" Jaedite said. "Worst of all, you scratched me. You marred my perfect face, damn you." Jaedite fired a blast of energy from his hand at Artemis, who was barely able to avoid it, but still got caught in the explosion.
"How dare you attack my cat," Sailor Venus said.
"He scratched me," Jaedite said. "He drew first blood," he added, feeling the scratch. He looked at his hand, and saw a couple drops of blood. "He literally drew first blood."
"You injured my friend," Golden Hawk said. "You broke his back, cracked a couple ribs, dislocated his shoulder, and gave him a concussion. You also busted him open, so technically, you drew first blood. But that doesn't matter. You have besmirched the air with the foul stench of evil long enough."
"You claim to be a son of Satan," Sailor Moon said.
"Say hi to your dad for us," Golden Hawk said, "Because we're about to send you back to Hell."
"Everybody give him your strongest attack!" Sailor Moon said, removing her tiara, as if to throw it. However, instead of throwing it, she removed her brooch, and combined it with her tiara, causing it to transform into a scepter, which was topped with a crescent moon.
"Mercury Ice Spear!" Sailor Mercury said, creating a spear of pure ice, which she threw at Jaedite.
"Venus Last Kiss!" Sailor Venus said, kissing the tips of the index and middle fingers of her right hand, and blowing the kiss at Jaedite.
"Mars Inferno Finale!" Sailor Mars said, as a flaming sword appeared in her hand, she shot fire from the sword at Jaedite.
"Jupiter Ultimate Thunderclap!" Sailor Jupiter said, channeling lightning through the lightning bolt on her tiara, and sending lightning at Jaedite through her fingers.
"Moon Ultimate Helation!" Sailor Moon said, pointing her scepter at Jaedite, firing several crescent moon shaped beams at him.
As the Sailor Soldiers launched their attacks, Golden Hawk combined his tonfas, and placed his staff on top. He held the weapon in both hands, and channeled all his energy through it, the energy becoming a blast of energy. His attack hit Jaedite at the same time all the Sailor Soldiers' attacks hit him.
"You may have won this battle," Jaedite said, as the attacks hit him, "But Metalia will win the war..."
"One down," Golden Hawk said, as Jaedite was utterly destroyed.
"Three to go," Sailor Moon added.
MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER DIMENSION
"They destroyed Jaedite," Nephrite said. "I say, let's go there now, and avenge our brother."
"No," Kunzite said. "Not yet. Those who protect Earth will be expecting it."
"But we need to avenge Jaedite," Zoicite said.
"You will do what Jaedite would have done if he were in charge," a voice said.
"My queen," Kunzite said, kneeling. "Metalia, what is your bidding?"
"You will have your opportunity to avenge Jaedite," Metalia said. "But you will wait. Jaedite may not have been my most competent general, but he is right about one thing. Patience can be a powerful weapon. You will have an opportunty to defeat Earth's protectors, but for now, we sit tight. Let them think we've given up, let them forget us. Eventually, they'll get complacent, they'll let their guard down. That is when you strike, when they're unprepared, when they least expect it. We'll hit them when they're not looking, and crush them until not even their dust is left. But for now, like I said, we wait.
AN HOUR LATER, TEAM HEADQUARTERS
There was a bulletin board in the team's headquarters, on that board was a piece of typing paper, divided in 4 sections. In each section was written the name of one of the Four Lords of Hell. John took a marker, and crossed out the name of Jaedite. "Us one, them nothing," John McCoy said.
"But there's still 3 of them left," Usagi Tsukino said.
"And we don't know when they'll make their next move," John said. "It could be in the next five minutes, it may not happen for six months."
"You really think they'll wait that long?" Ami Andersen asked.
"I wouldn't put it past them," John said.
"Makes sense to me," Mary Ann Kino said.
"Me too," Mina Webb said.
"That's the strategy Adolf Hitler used in the early days of World War 2,": Rae Hinowski said. "Take over a couple countries in quick succession, then sits on his hands for a few months. Planning, strategizing, but most importantly, making the rest of Europe think he's nothing more than a paper tiger, that his bark is worse than his bite. Once the rest of Europe not under German control lets their guard down, he strikes. Boom, boom, boom, takes over country after country. John's right, I wouldn't put it past the three remaining Lords of Hell to let us think they're all bark no bite, and wait for us to let our guard down."
Exactly," JUsagi said. "And I have a new order of business to bring up. This is something that's going to come up eventually."
"What's that?" Ami Andersen asked.
"Revealing our secret identities to our families," Usagi said.
UNTIL NEXT TIME...'
OUR NEXT EPISODE: SLICE OF LIFE