Chapter 3 – Raison D'etre
Tired, sweating and battle fresh, Hermione left Harry and the Minister, along with the rest of Order to tend the injured, round up the fallen Death Eaters and try to fix the mess that was Hogwarts.
She had more important things to attend to…
Hermione strode out of the Great Hall with purpose; reminding herself of Snape with the determination in her stride, if I was wearing robes, they would be billowing; she smiled to herself at the comparison and wondered if the man himself would agree. Maybe I'll show him the memory.
She looked for a deserted spot: an alcove, an abandoned corridor, anything; it wouldn't do to let anyone see that the anti-apparition wards were disabled, not with so many Death Eaters still present. It took her almost fifteen minutes of dodging and ducking various obstacles in her way as she traversed the ground floor – not one, not two, not three but four house elves popped in front of her during that short span of time to ask if she needed anything; blasted little things; I can almost sympathise with Lucius Malfoy's treatment of Dobby; the little fuckers never leave you alone, a pang of guilt washed through her when she realised her own thoughts, "sorry Dobby," she muttered.
She had ducked behind one of the winged boar statues to avoid a fifth house elf; this is trickier than the bloody battle. Hermione sighed from her hiding place and waited for the elf – Winky, by the looks of her stumbling – to disappear.
"My dear, I shall forgive this momentary lapse of forgetfulness considering your urgency to reach Professor Snape, not to mention what you've just been through but the Transfiguration classroom is deserted and only thirty metres from your current location." Rowena Ravenclaw's voice rang softly in Hermione's head.
Hermione peeked around the stone back of the winged boar to check she was alone; Winky had vanished and she saw no one else but…
"Homenum revelio", she cast the spell to only extend to the confines of the corridor she was in; a single, small, red ball of light popped out of her wand and circled the tip before dissipating. She was alone.
I might as well just disapparate from here.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Miss Granger. Fenrir Greyback is heading this way. Make your way to the Transfiguration classroom, girl." The slightly patronising drawl of Salazar Slytherin caught her inner ear. While she appreciated the warning, she could practically hear the sneer. And I get called a bloody know-it-all.
She disillusioned herself and ran.
"You have done wonderfully, sweetheart. Now, go take care of your man." Helga cooed as Hermione reached Minerva McGonagall's classroom.
'My man? He's not my man!' Even in Hermione's head, the protest sounded feeble but she wasn't quite ready to admit all of her motivations for saving the dour bat of the dungeons.
She turned the handle on the door - which in her fifth year she had morphed into an archway and back again for her O.W.L.S. practice – and stepped inside, slammed the door shut and erected her strongest anti-werewolf ward; powered by the founders, the door glowed gold. Hermione hated that such wards were even allowed but she was grateful for it in that moment.
"Now, now, Miss Granger; we all know as well as you do that Severus Snape is possibly the only wizard worthy of affections from a witch such as yourself. I would have qualified too of course, if it were not for my centuries old demise." Godric sounded very sure of himself as he flirted and Hermione giggled.
"Godric, behave" chastised Rowena and Helga unanimously. "Honestly, it's like he's still fifteen years old sometimes." Rowena continued.
'I'm flattered, sir.' Hermione thought to the dashing patriarch of her Hogwarts House to which Salazar responded with a scoff. The witches in Hermione's head chose to ignore their male companions and Hermione heard Rowena's voice continue sternly in her mind…
"Now, as powerful as we are, even in this form, we are unable to breach the boundaries of Hogwarts, my dear; our existence on this plane is bound to the castle and therefore, once you disapparate, you leave us behind."
"I understand." Hermione nodded, but proceeded to speak aloud. "It has been an honour and a privilege to have you with me. I shall think of you all often, especially when I am here. And thank you." It felt silly hearing herself address an empty classroom but she owed them her vocal gratitude and praise.
"We are always here, Miss Granger. The walls, the grounds, each room, each corridor; every statue, doorway and turret has our essence, our magic weaved into it. Even Rubeus's hut was created by our magic. Never fear that we do not watch over our little corner of the magical world, sweet girl. And you are our defender. It is we, who owe you thanks, Hermione Granger. Go tend to your patient, my dear, and take with you our love, gratitude and respect." Salazar finished.
There were no more words to be said. Hermione was overwhelmed; the Founders of Hogwarts, the greatest witches and wizards who ever lived – except perhaps, Merlin - those who ensured her a magical education centuries before she was born, those who provided her a location to find best friends, the people responsible for recognising her bravery and intelligence, her ambition and her loyalty; they were praising her mission, urging her forward. No matter what anyone else said about her saving Severus Snape, she no longer cared; she had the backing of Hogwarts royalty and nothing, in her mind, came as a higher authority.
Smiling widely, Hermione closed her eyes, pictured very clearly in her mind the Shrieking Shack and turned into the void between herself and her quarry.
When Hermione cracked into existence, three feet outside the Shrieking Shack, outside her own wards, she stumbled the landing, falling flat on her arse. I'm so glad the Founders did not witness that; talk about embarrassing. In truth, the disapparition away from them had left her somewhat light-headed and she'd struggled to hold onto her destination in her mind and keep from splinching herself.
Head in her hands at the mortification of still not being able to apparate smoothly, she did not see the slightly hunched woman in a blood-red velvet cloak approach, apparating into a hastened stride without stopping; slowing only as she reached the young witch whose head hung low. Hermione was contemplating her next move; what she would need to do, and what she would need to say to Severus Snape.
The first hint of the stranger's presence was when Hermione saw worn dragon-hide boots standing just before her. Hermione froze. Just a minute to myself, is that really too much to ask?
The stranger cleared her throat.
"No it isn't. Not too much to ask at all."
"Legillemency? Really? That's very rude to perform on someone you don't know. It's bad enough when it's someone you do know." The young witch groused.
"I did not use Legillemency; nasty, intrusive vein of magic that it is. I used a memory; my memory. And believe me when I say, I do know you. Very well, in fact." The stranger's tone was even but friendly, genuine and in a way Hermione couldn't place, familiar.
She looked up to meet the eyes of… "OH. MY. GOD."
Relief flooded the not-so-much-a-stranger's face, and voice.
"I see you recognise me. Good. That saves at least thirty minutes of trying to convince you who I am. Even with your brilliant mind as it is, I was not looking forward to that."
"How are you here?" Hermione asked quietly.
"Muffliato" the all too familiar now, voice whispered wandlesslessly. "I am here because in the future you work with that brilliant, pig-headedly stubborn, gorgeous man in there," she gestured to the shack, "…and successfully recreate a much improved version of the time-turner. It now works similarly to apparition. For mere hours of time travel it works the same way but Severus' contribution is a set of potions to increase each turn to represent a day, week, month or year. An hour ago, I was in the year 2019."
Hermione's eyes widened but she was still feeling very sceptical and not willing to give an inch, which might allow this person to take a mile.
"That is an amazing story. I do not quite believe you though. If you really are me from the future then you will understand my scepticism after what I have just been through."
"Of course. I can offer you proof."
Reluctantly, young Hermione nodded.
"The first proof I have is a spell. It's actually been around since the Founders day; it may actually have been one of Salazar's; he did enjoy playing with timelines. It was actually he who sent me back to this spot. After bringing them back on this day, they never descend back into spirit form. I won't tell you too much about that; you need to enjoy the surprises as they happen for you." Older Hermione smiled at her former self knowingly and continued. "The spell is to prove that a wand is meeting itself at a different point in its own timeline. And to prove the spell is genuine and does as I say it will, you can witness my second piece of proof…"
21st century Hermione reached into her cloak…
Finally, remembering why she was here, Hermione cleared her throat and stood; speaking for the first time in this odd exchange with determination and purpose: "I really don't have time for all this. I need to get to Snape. I said I'd be there as soon as the battle was over."
"Oh," the older witch laughed, "He'll be out for days yet. Complete exhaustion and magical depletion take their toll. He will need you, a lot, but we have time." The older witch said, seemingly amused and perhaps a little nostalgic, as she retrieved from her cloak an almost grey, very thread-bare, beaded bag, with at least half of the beads missing.
Hermione gasped.
"Ok. Fine," the young witch said, more resigned, more mollified by the sight of her aged and dilapidated extended handbag. Still though, she let out an exasperated sigh at being defeated.
"Oh my, I forgot how stubborn I used to be. I see you recognise the bag; it has just always held too many memories for me to give up for something new." Definite nostalgia this time.
"I am not stubborn. I'm just usually right. What is this proof about the spell to do with a wand timeline?" impatience was starting to show through; she really wanted to get to Snape.
"Ah, there is that impatience I never seem to lose. It's good to remember I was always blessed with that." She laughed. "Ok, I just need a few more seconds."
The thirty-something witch pulled her wand from the bun of slightly greying chestnut curls perched on top of her head and pointed it at the bag, summoning a very ancient, leather bound book.
Hermione gasped when she saw the wand of her future self. It was definitely the same length of vine; it looked a little longer and very well used but she recognised the small knot in the wood, 4 inches from the base. Just below the knot, the base was wrapped in gold, with three animals cut into the metal, making it look like a stencil… a lion, obviously; an otter makes sense; and a doe? Hmmm…
"There is no need to look so shocked; I know you haven't come to the realisation yet but it won't take too long. Especially now you've seen it confirmed on your wand. The other decorations, well, more surprises for you." She said with a chuckle, flipping through the pages of the summoned book. "This is the diary of Salazar Slytherin from the year before Hogwarts was born. And here," she pointed, "…here is the spell you are going to perform."
Hermione looked at the offered page where the slightly aged finger of the older witch's left hand was pointing. No wedding ring, she thought sadly and her face dropped providing evidence of her thoughts before her eyes flicked back to the spell.
"That is the 'why' of my being here, but we'll get to that soon enough. Do you understand the spell?"
Hermione nodded.
"Ok. Well then…" Thirty-something Hermione raised an expectant eyebrow.
"Please don't do that. I don't like my face morphing into a Snape-gesture. It's creepy."
Thirty-something Hermione laughed whole heartedly; "You'll get used to it." She said very matter-of-factly as she held out her wand.
Hermione held up her wand and aimed it and its aged and adorned future; the two points met and a golden glow emanated from the spot between them.
"Say the spell."
"Temporum Paradoxica" the young witch breathed.
"Let it go." Thirty-something Hermione said as she released her own wand.
Hermione uncurled her fingers from her own wand and watched with wonder as it stayed in the air; rising in fact to meet the other.
The effect was amazing. The golden glow shifted, expanding to encompass both wands, it was beautiful magic. Both wands suddenly moved in unison, emulating the first three spells they had ever produced; probably at Ollivander's hand, Hermione thought. Each spell released from the wands was made of thick blue smoke, sparkling with bronze flecks; the spells of a Ravenclaw. The next spell released was shockingly different, a pure white smoke, formless but flecked with iridescent light and Hermione realised it was from the day her wand chose her, not technically a spell, just a burst of energy. The next ten spells were also of white smoke and iridescent light. Hermione remembered reading The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1, and practicing. The next, and last white smoke spell made the young witch burst into tears at the memory; the day she met Harry Potter on the Hogwarts Express, the day she fixed his glasses with 'occulus repairo'.
From there, the wand glow showed every spell in a rich red, pluming smoke, glittering with golden flecks; it cycled for about fifteen minutes through all the spells Hermione had ever cast; the red smoke turning to dark burgundy at the darker spells that she had needed to use throughout the war. When the cycle reached her latest spell, this spell, Hermione's wand ceased moving but remained in the glow as the other continued.
The gold laden wand kept showing spells for forty more minutes and its owner watched for the tell-tale smoke of the spell she cast before her 't'apparation' (time apparition) into the past– an 'expelliarmus'. It was her time turner, her life and her mistake from the past that she was correcting but Severus had not agreed with the decision of messing with his past too and she had had to use the disarming spell. She was doing this for his own damn good.
The smoky Expelliarmus finally showed itself, followed by her Muffliato and the Accio to retrieve Salazar's journal from her bag. As the last smoky spell dissipated, both wands drifted back to their owners and the golden glow faded away.
The two witches stood in silence for a few minutes, staring at each other.
"I have one more piece of evidence if you would like it?" the older witch offered carefully.
Hermione trusted the other witch was her future self but was unwilling to turn down more proof, just to be sure. "Please."
Thirty-something Hermione opened her cloak, reached to her waistband and clutched the silk of her emerald blouse, pulling it free of her black jeans. Lifting it slowly towards her chest, she revealed to her younger self the purple star-burst scarring of Dolohov's curse from the battle with Death Eaters at the Department of Mysteries.
Hermione nodded again and the older woman covered midriff. "I believe you."
"Good. Perhaps we should sit. I know this is a lot to take in but there's more."
"More?" Hermione asked incredulously, her eyebrows shooting into her hairline.
"Yes, more. The reason I'm here in fact." The older witch said as she sat on the grasses and gestured for her younger self to join her.
"Oh right. Of course." Hermione sat, tentatively and smiled a little.
"Well now, where to begin…"
"At the beginning?"
"You sound like Severus"
"I had a good teacher for that" she chuckled.
"Quite. Okay, the beginning. I'm not going to pull my punches with this, there's no point; you need to be told straight. So, here goes… we, more specifically me right now, are in love with Severus Snape."
"What?" I think my eyebrows are staying in my hairline for this whole conversation.
"I see you are not quite convinced. At least, not on the surface." She gave the younger witch a knowing smile. "In hindsight, which is what I have now, I know I was already in love with Severus by the age you are now. It is what prompted me – us – to save him. I remember trying to justify it in so many other ways, which I know you will do for some time still, even with this conversation; I know my own mind."
"This is crazy."
"Please let me continue…"
Hermione nodded, again.
"It has taken twenty years for Severus to allow me into his life romantically, to allow himself to act on his own love for me, to finally get over his self-loathing and guilt; but since he did, we have become inseparable. The perfect yin and yang, we challenge each other intellectually, make love with the wildest abandon, as if we were both still teenagers and we are in the deepest of loves that even Albus Dumbledore would be unable to describe."
"Why so long?" Hermione asked. She didn't quite believe what she was being told but she was curious.
"I honestly would have been content to stay the way we are; even after all the years we missed by avoiding our love for each other. It has made me cherish what we have now so much more."
"But…?" Hermione encouraged.
"But… there is still such sadness in him; something I have been unable to put my finger on, unable to heal. We have worked together closely for years but we only began our courtship eleven months ago. The thing is last week, I finally found out why he put his feelings off for so long, why he still struggles to feel like I will love him eternally. We had Lucius and Draco to the house for dinner…"
Hermione scoffed.
"You actually become quite good friends but I'll let that develop without giving you future knowledge; it's too much fun for you to know what's coming.
Anyway, after dinner, Draco and I stayed in the living room to go over his latest research while Severus took Lucius into the kitchen for cigars and firewhiskey. After half an hour or so, Draco and I were feeling the need for a drink too so I went to pilfer the bottle from them."
She paused, her eyes welling up a little with tears before she took a deep breath and continued.
"I heard them talking about our relationship and I really hadn't meant to eaves drop but he gets so closed off about his feelings and I really was just after a little insight. After a minute or so I heard Severus say it… the reason he had kept himself away from me so long was that he couldn't give me children."
Hermione gasped, and watched herself from twenty years in the future nod as though she understood that gasp completely before continuing.
"I was beside myself. I should've known from his past, from what he's been doing for the last twenty years in your time, he's a selfless bastard, never putting himself first. Naturally, I confronted him later; how could I not. I wanted to reassure him that he was more important to me than having children; as long as I have him, my life is enough. He told me what happened, eventually; turns out it was a curse thrown at him from an attack years ago; about three years ahead of your time now, when you start working together. It attacked his fertility; the attacker shouting out something along the lines of 'So there's never another greasy haired git in the world'. We've been fighting ever since; I tried to convince him I was happy with just the two of us; I tried to assuage his guilt but he knows me, better than anyone. He knows how desperately I want children, and he does too. All those years teaching, he never got to teach one of his own and it breaks him apart. After everything he's done, everything he's been through, he deserves the best of everything; he deserves anything and everything he wants."
"Oh, Severus" Hermione said, tears in her eyes. "What can I do? I didn't save him just so he can live a life of regret and sadness. I have to fix this."
"I was hoping you would say that. Severus is a proud man and will not give in easily. This is going to sound very sneaky and very underhanded; think of it this way, Severus is a Slytherin, he'd appreciate it if you were doing it to someone else. This is necessary; it is also extreme but know that it is for Severus' own good; he needs you. Do not give up; do not let him push you away. He will try, repeatedly, and with all his usual scorn and venom. You cannot give in to his temper and self-loathing; show him that you are going to be there for him no matter what. As for the attack, I never got a specific name from him of the attacker but he did let it slip it was a Weasley."
Hermione went deathly white at that.
"The easiest way to begin, other than nursing him through these next few weeks and getting his name cleared is going to be to seduce him. I know, I know, it sounds terrifying at the moment but trust me it will be the most thrilling part of the rest of your life, being with him. Get closer to him over the next year or so; start with small flirtations, so he knows you're at least interested but give him enough time so he doesn't feel like a cradle snatcher because even in twenty years from now, that joke still bothers him. As I said, he will keep pushing you away but that is a defence mechanism and it can be overcome with desire.
As for children, that is up to you to decide with Severus once you get a relationship started, but know it is one of his deepest secrets, his desperate wish to be a father; guard it closely, even from him until he shares it. He cannot know I was here."
"Are you staying for a while or are you going back? I have so many questions."
"I suppose it doesn't really matter with time travel but I should go. You have all the relevant information and I don't want to risk changing anything in a negative way. Trust yourself and trust him to come through, eventually. Love him, love him for the man he is and the man he wants to be, make him that man and let him love you; make him your raison d'etre – you always did want one, right? He will be possessive, annoyingly so, which you will fight against because it drives you insane but it's just his way; let him love you and you will be happy for the rest of your life."
Hermione nodded.
They stood and embraced.
"Thank you" Hermione said as she watched the older witch fish a time turner from her neckline before accio'ing a vial of orange potion. She pulled the dropper from the vial and let one drop fall onto the egg-timer pendant necklace. Returning the vial, she held the pendant and looked at her younger self.
"There is no one else I could ever trust with this kind of knowledge. Occlude it so he doesn't find it. Good luck and goodbye."
She turned into the void of time and vanished back to 2019.
Hermione, alone once more and with a host of new information to process, straightened her shoulders, turned to face the Shrieking Shack and marched toward the love of her life, whether he likes it or not.
A/N: I know, I know, I'm mean. I've delayed them getting together again but this little bit of story fell into my mind and I loved it. I'm very wary of doing time turner stories, especially sending Hermione to the past but this felt much more acceptable to me. I promise Hermione makes it to the shack eventually.
Now, I know exactly how I'm going to make things develop between our lovebirds but at this point in the story, Hermione doesn't and she's going to wrack her brains for ways to seduce the Bat of the Dungeon. What I would like from you, my rabid readers, is suggestions on what she might try. To not drag the story out too long, I will use my favourite two suggestions as failing attempts before the thing she does for the plot. Suggestions in the review section please – can't wait to see what you come up with.
Please favourite, follow and review if you're enjoying the story. More to come soon.