I left Grillby's not long after Sans, when the stench of alcohol alone was enough to leave me feeling scattered and woozy. Before I skipped town, I made sure to ask one of the monsters which direction would get me out of Snowdin the quickest.
"Following that there river with the chunks of ice floatin' in it downstream will getcha' to Waterfall," answered a horse with bright green hair slicked back between his ears, rocking a thick pair of shades even though there was no sunlight to block. "If you're lookin' to get to the Capital, then that's the way to go, kid. And make sure when ya get there to tell 'em we don't need any more city slickers round' here. It's crowded damn well enough as it is!"
...City slickers? What would that make you guys, snowball lickers? "Thanks, I'll be sure to let them know," I agreed to his request, more or less to get him off my back. As I left, I heard him toss around another idea behind my back.
"On the otha' hand, I'd love to see some city slickers slip on their butts!"
Setting off on the edge of town, I spotted a huge chunk of ice bobbing up and down in the water and moved to follow it. But not before I stopped to cast one last glance at the skeleton household, wondering if Papyrus had finally perfected his spaghetti sauce recipe. And another thought deeper in the back of my mind: if I would ever see it's colorful array of lights again, the warm glow that resonated within nearly every building in town. For possibly the last time, I bid an icy fair well to Snowdin.
The "skies" were much more clear in the stretch where I had fought Papyrus, without a single speck of snow floating around in the air. I pressed forward until the trees started to disappear, the calm sound of rushing water grew just loud enough to echo around me, my feet met with solid ground instead of the squishy uncertainty of snow, and a thick rocky roof began to stretch overhead. Things started to get a lot more claustrophobic pretty quickly, although I honestly couldn't have cared less. As long as I didn't have to drag my feet through three hundred inches of snow anymore, I was happy.
...Maybe not "happy," more like "mildly content," but as long as I never had to see, touch, or hear about another snowball for the rest of my life, I was mildly content.
"Starting to see why they call this place Waterfall..." I muttered to myself, noting the river flowing beside me again and the many, many clear streams of water falling from cracks in the stone ceiling. While the muffled cold of Snowdin still fluttered around like a flurry of moths, the cave I found myself in felt moist and damp. The air was heavy, and every wall was glistening with the same shine as grass in the morning dew. I was almost reminded of the narrow caverns of the Ruins, except this area felt much less developed. More natural. With a subsequently much more "natural" and uneven floor that I was prone to trip over constantly. I told myself I'd just need to adjust to treading on something like this, although it didn't help much to keep my temper under control.
The cave finally opened up a little bit, just when I was getting so heated I could've lit the place on fire. I squeezed through the gap into the wide open chamber, where something immediately caught my eye. Another sentry post sat on the other end of the room, identical to the others strewn about Snowdin. Only difference was the pudgy-face comedian sprawled across the counter top as if he couldn't be bothered to hold himself up, guzzling down a bottle of ketchup like a complete cow.
Somehow, I'd already run into Sans again, after seeing him maybe ten minutes ago at Grillby's. I resisted the urge to gag at Sans' serious drinking problem and began making my way over to the skeleton, if for no other reason than he was already on the path forward.
"Yo! Are you sneaking out to see her, too?"
Dammit, why do I have to recognize that ear-rupturing voice? I groaned, turning towards the shrill cry reluctantly. Sure enough, it belonged to that monster kid with the spikes running down his head, the very same one who sounded and twitched like he was on a constant sugar-high. The one who, worst of all, had no arms, so I'd have to be completely conscious of every single insult I threw at him, which was never any fun. Maybe it was best for my sanity to try and hold a normal conversation for once.
"To see who?" I asked, genuinely clueless.
The kid narrowed his disturbingly huge, piercing eyes at me accusatorily, as if I hadn't gone out of my way specifically not to make fun of him. "Aw c'mon, don't play dumb! You know who!"
I crossed my arms. Lets see how he reacts to being torn off his high horse. "Listen kid, do you honestly think I have any reason to prolong a conversation with you by acting like an idiot?"
He shuffled back and forth on his feet, looking more dense than the rocks surrounding us. "Huh?"
"Exactly. So lets have it, who are you talking about?"
At first, the monster said nothing, taking his sweet time to process my last sentence. Eventually, he snickered. "Heh, not bad, other kid!"
"Spill it!" I demanded.
"Alright, alright, fine!" he agreed. "I came out here to see Undyne!"
"The captain of the Royal Guard?"
Now it was his turn to give me the "are you freaking kidding me?" stare. "No, Undyne the baker. Of course the captain of the Royal Guard!"
I gulped internally. So, Undyne was patrolling Waterfall. Probably snooping around, tracking down any signs of humanity like it was her job or something. Now I was glad the monster kid had decided to call out to me; otherwise I might have stumbled right into her clutches, completely unaware she was even in the area. If the rumors I'd heard floating around Snowdin were true, she wouldn't be a total push-over. Might be best to keep to the shadows for now, at least until I knew if she really kicked ass or not.
"Man, she's the coolest..." murmured Monster Kid, not even looking my way anymore.
"Gee, I couldn't tell by the way you won't shut up about her," I interjected, nearly reaching over to flick him in the snout. "Any idea what I should watch out for? Just to know when I've found her, of course," I added quickly.
He spun back to me, literally looking as red as a tomato. I didn't need to know what was flashing through his thoughts. "So you were sneaking out to see her?" he asked smugly.
Damn, not bad, kid. "Okay, ya got me. How can I find her?"
"Easy! She'll be in a big suit of armor on patrol, so you can hear her footsteps when she's nearby," he explained, adding in a few stomps to really drive his point home.
Suit of armor, huh? This toy knife might not make the cut anymore, but hopefully the tough glove pulls through...
"I'm gonna go look for her up ahead!" squealed Monster Kid, rushing past me and out of the room. But not before tripping over his own feet, and with no arms to catch himself, he landed face down on the ground with a loud, echoing SLAP following soon after..
I actually flinched, solely from how painful that looked. "Yeesh. You okay, kid?"
Thankfully, he hopped up without even letting the injury slow him down. "Yep, I'm fine! Happens all the time! Oh, and don't tell my parents I'm here!" Then he disappeared deeper into Waterfall.
God, talking to that kid was exhausting! Every word that rocketed out of his mouth felt like it was being shot out of a cannon at breakneck speeds. He had given me some sound advice, though, so maybe running into him again wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
"Yo! Are you sneaking out to see her, too?"
...Huh? Sheesh, I didn't mean right this second!
"To see who?"
"Aw c'mon, don't play dumb! You know who!"
My face pinched. What the hell was going on? I hadn't become so infatuated with Monster Kid that my mind felt the need to replay the conversation we just had, had I?
"Listen kid..."
No, it was definitely coming from outside my head. My eyes darted around the room looking for the source of the sound, but the only two people left were Sans and I, and he was still deep-throating his bottle of ketchup. In fact, the only other thing in this room besides the sentry station was that weird flower...
...Wait, that flower! A tall flower painted with the same light blue color as the ocean - or at least what I had seen of it in pictures - wearing six wrinkled petals like a necklace. The sight for sore eyes rumbled a little bit in time with the voices fluttering through the room. I started to make my way over to it, and with every step, the familiar voices grew louder.
"Kid, I literally just got done teaching you about echo flowers, and you're still gonna stand there looking all mystified?"
I did my best to block out the passing conversation (ever listen to your own voice on a recording? It sounds pretty out-there.) and nodded to the skeleton. "You stalking me or something, funny guy?" I accused him playfully. "Feels like I'm starting to see you everywhere."
Sans shrugged. "I could say the same thing to you, kid." He gestured to his mess of a work station like it was as glorious as the Taj Mahal. "This is just another one of my humble sentry outposts."
"You're a sentry for Waterfall, too? Thought you hated work."
"Yep, and two jobs means twice as many legally-required breaks."
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Of course. How stupid of me not to think of that sooner." Clearing my throat, I asked, "So, if you see Undyne, you'll ring me up to warn me, right?"
Sans rapped his fingers on the table, as if debating whether or not to take me up on my request. "I dunno...what's in it for me?"
"...Seriously?"
"I'm just screwing with ya, kid." Placing his hand over his chest, he promised, "I'll call if I see or hear anything...fishy."
I frowned. "Was that a pun?"
"Maybe."
"Never mind," I sighed. Leaving Sans to his "work," I set off in the direction Monster Kid had scrambled towards, catching the first few words Sans and I had shared echoing behind my shoulder.
The next room greeted me with a massive, you guessed it, waterfall that spilled across the path forward. I started to look for a way around it, since getting wet with the dauntingly cold air hanging overhead would freeze me like a human ice cube, but it was no use. There was no wall on the right side of the cave, I noticed, and nothing but an inky black abyss waited below, where the water vanished without a trace. Curious, I kicked a small pebble over the edge sand dropped to my hands and knees, listening for a splash.
It never came.
"Dammit. How did Monster Kid get through here?" I wondered aloud, rising back to my feet. Unless there was some secret passage hidden around here, the only way forward was through the gushing water. The other side was easily visible from here, so it wasn't too far across...
I tested the water with my shoe. Surprisingly, the force of the water couldn't even begin to move it anymore than I could move the cave wall by ramming my face against it. Didn't feel too deep, either.
Reluctantly, I dropped into the flow of water, which to my dismay rose up just over my crotch. As I had expected, the freezing temperatures nipped at my legs and...other features like mosquitoes, probably making the hairs stand up at a ninety-degree angle, but it beat the agony of standing around, twiddling my thumbs. So I began wading across the path, face permanently pinched in a look of pure, undiluted discomfort.
"Great idea again, me," I chastised myself. "Don't backtrack five feet and ask the shortcut wizard if he knows another way across." My ramblings were briefly interrupted by a violent shiver erupting in my body. "N-no, let's do the sensible thing and jump into the below-freezing waterfall and wade through it. Sh-sheer brilliance."
I was about halfway to the other side when I heard a loud splash behind me. I glanced backwards to find the source of the noise, surprised to see a hunk of rock slowly being pushed down the waterfall, eventually toppling over the edge. Another splash rang out to my side, followed by another. And another.
I turned my gaze upwards and went wide-eyed. "Oh...oh, SHIT!"
While the speed of the water hadn't been enough to knock me off balance, the boulders tumbling down from above certainly would be. I ducked backwards to avoid being hammered, only to have a few more splash behind me, each bigger than my entire head. Had they not been there a few moments ago when I was entering the water, or was I actually just that oblivious?
Who cares?! Just go!
I began hobbling forward at mach-speed, lifting my legs as far out of the water as possible. It proved more difficult than I had expected; the rapids had gained a surge of speed, now tugging at my ankles like the icy cold hands of the un-dead. The rocks began falling faster, leaving splashes in the water that sounded more like explosions that blocked out every other sound. Veering away from the falls lessened my chance of being crushed, but made it likely that one of the swept up rocks would knock me off the cliff side. Neither option sounded very promising.
Vaulting over another stone, I aligned myself to be far enough away from the falls so I wouldn't be pelted with water and rocks alike, but not so close to the drop-off so I could avoid being pushed over the edge. I hoped.
C'mon, only a little bit further...
I was no more than a body length away from solid ground when a particularly fast boulder charged from just outside the corner of my vision and rammed into my side. I grunted as the wind was ripped from my lungs, and my legs came out from under me. Before I could so much as scream, my whole body was shoved underwater.
My better judgment was clouded and replaced with a primal urge to survive. I found myself thrashing about in the water, gasping for breaths that wouldn't come, banging my knuckles and elbows on the rock that was steadily forcing me over the edge, until I was sure the water was stained red. A river of blood and earthy tomb miles underground was appearing to be my resting place. I couldn't think, couldn't fight, couldn't struggle anymore, until a single, calming presence overshadowed every other feeling. It spoke a single word.
Breathe.
Talking its advice, I focused on pushing my head above water and took in one, long, deep breath that I didn't have time to hold in. But it worked to clear my thoughts, to better grasp my current situation. I finally grabbed hold of the slippery attacker practically dangling me over the edge, and wriggled out of its grasp. With my legs hanging out in mid-air, I climbed up against the current, rolling out of the way of one, final rock. Chilled to the bone, exhausted, and barely able to hold in a breath, I seized my opportunity to escape. Although I had no memory of how I'd gotten there, I found myself back on my feet, mere inches away from safety.
I dove for it. I landed hard on dry land, gasping and sputtering like a flounder out of water, but I had made it.
"Next time, I'm asking Sans for another damn shortcut," I muttered bitterly, making no move to get back on my feet for a good while. Eventually, the way my knuckles were scratched up and bleeding, and my thoroughly soaked clothes urged me to get up and keep moving. I needed to find a bit of monster food to patch myself up. Unfortunately, I hadn't thought to take any with me heading out of Snowdin, even though I certainly had the pockets for it...
...Crap, my pockets.
First I fished out my phone, which somehow still turned on fine despite being completely submerged in water. Second, I pulled out the snowman piece I had promised to keep with me. The jar was cracked open like a skull, obviously, but only a small piece of the glass had been knocked out of place. Most if not all of the snow remained, and only a little water had seeped in, so it remained in more or less good condition.
"...I'm here with my daily report..."
I lifted my head at the familiar voice, almost a whisper, and stuffed the jar back into my now heavy pockets. This time, I listened more closely to distinguish it from the hushed waterfall.
"Uhh...regarding that human I called you about..."
Papyrus. What the hell was he doing here? Shouldn't he be back in Snowdin, setting his house on fire in another attempt to cook a decent bowl of spaghetti? It took me a second, but I spotted the lanky skeleton, or at least the top half of him, above me on a higher section of Waterfall, surrounded by thick stalagmites jutting upwards like man-made columns.
"Huh? Did I fight them?" asked Papyrus carefully, as if trying not to step on any toes.
My lips had just begun to form the words, "Paps, who are you talking too?" but I quickly silenced them. Another figure stood beside Papyrus, one I hadn't noticed, I concluded, because they blended into the dimly lit cavern so perfectly.
A knight, seemingly larger than anything on the planet despite standing just barely taller than Papyrus, clung to the darkness cast by the cave like a spider to its web. Their armor was nearly as black as the space around it, chiseled like a statue with steel-tipped-boots and a huge helmet carved into a toothy grin rivaling that of a jack-o-lantern. Like Grillby, they radiated a sense of strength and superiority in the way they proudly held up their shoulders, although theirs felt much more...hostile. She could be ready to leap into the heat of battle at any moment.
Little bit intimidating, if you could believe it.
"Y-yes! Of course I did!" Papyrus had tried to sound triumphant, but in the presence of this knight, he couldn't help but sound withered and defeated. "I fought them valiantly!"
As Papyrus started to brag to his superior, I decided to take the opportunity and stay out of sight for now. I ducked into a thicket of tall grass that clearly hadn't gotten much water, feeling dry as the crusty desert earth. They cracked and rustled under my feet every time I shifted, a dead giveaway if the pair stopped talking, but it was too late to jump out now. I had fully committed to my incredibly crappy hiding spot.
"W-What?" the skeleton knight choked. "Did I capture them...?"
I bit my lip, resisting the startling urge to defend my bony friend. What good could I do for him down here, anyway, besides shifting his companion's attention to me instead and screwing us both over? It was best just to stay hidden for now.
"Well...no."
At that point, the knight spun towards its underling and stomped angrily on the ground, creating a pounding sensation so loud it put Papyrus' normal shouts and cries to shame. I noticed a bright red feather jutting out of the back of its helmet whipping around as its head turned to stare at Papyrus, the only discolored part of its outfit. My heart leapt into my throat, and didn't make any move of settling back down.
"I tried very hard, Undyne, but in the end...I failed."
So that's Undyne. That towering hunk of metal was the head of the Royal Guard, possibly my biggest threat to getting out of here alive. It made sense that someone as menacing as her would fit the role of leader pretty well, and the thought of fighting her one-on-one, mano-y-mano...lets just say I wasn't thrilled at the idea. Anymore than I would be hurling myself off another cliff.
Well, you know what they say: the bigger they are, they harder they fall. Just like my other favorite saying: the more combat training your opponent has, the more likely they are to drill you a new asshole.
"W-what?" Papyrus cried. "You're going to take the human's soul yourself?"
Had Undyne said anything else? Even when she was pissed off, she still managed to conceal her voice so well I couldn't hear her. Oh, and the whole "going to take the human's soul yourself" part was pretty hard to glance over, too.
After that, I had expected Papyrus to back down in defeat, figuring nothing he said could sway his commander's decision. Instead, he continued to surprise me. "But Undyne, you don't h-have to destroy them! You see..."
It was no use. In his efforts to defend me, Papyrus was immediately shot down. I saw Undyne shoot him a stare deadlier than any weapon either of them could pull out, and he started to stumble backwards. Another minute disguised as an hour past with me standing by the sidelines, watching with my eyes bulging out of my head. Eventually Papyrus sighed and spoke again.
"...I understand," he chattered solemnly, hiding his mouth beneath his scarf-cape thing.
NO, no you do NOT understand, I thought.
"I'll help you in any way I can."
NO, no you will NOT help her in any way you can! I bit back the urge the scream at the skeleton who'd virtually agreed to sell me out on the spot. Please be lying to save your own skin, Paps. I definitely don't need any more enemies down here.
...Shit, he doesn't have any skin, does he?
Without another word, Paps ran off back in the direction of Snowdin. I waited "patiently" for Undyne to move on for her patrol as well, only made harder by irritating cuts on my knuckles, elbows, and...knees, I realized. My skin looked like it had a nasty run-in with the pavement after a bad mess-up on one of my free-running outings. The stinging pain was nothing I was unfamiliar with, but that didn't mean I was glad to have it around. I glanced again at Undyne's shadowy form, which hadn't moved an inch since Papyrus left. What, had she fallen asleep on duty or something?
"...Screw it, I'm going for it," I whispered to the blades of grass encompassing me, moving out of the bush and back on the way forward. But the damn bush was so noisy...every move that I made I couldn't help was being broadcasted to the entire world.
Almost there, just a couple more steps...
CRRRAAAAAAACK!
Without warning, the loudest tree limb ever snapped beneath my foot. For a split second, I acted naive enough to hope Undyne magically hadn't heard the nuclear explosion I'd set off. But the very next split second, Undyne jerked to life, wasting no time to start marching towards me.
My heart stopped, but time seemed to be flowing in double speed. Thankfully, the hamster wheel powering my brain hadn't rusted all the way through. Dammit, do I bolt or try to disappear in the bush? Fighting was out of the question, I barely had a chance of even denting that armor, but at the same time it might weigh her down enough for me to slip away. Or she might charge me down like a frigging elephant and drown me in the waterfall before I could even realize, "Whoops, I got myself killed! "Maybe next time, jackass!"
What if she hasn't seen me yet? If that were the case, I'd probably be better off staying put, hiding behind my shield of flimsy pieces of grass. But if she had seen me...
...So hard to think when you're concentrating on how sweaty your palms are...
...If she had seen me, it was game over either way. I dropped back further into the bush until there was hardly any trace of me left. Peering through the frond, I spotted Undyne looming over the top of the wall, not even ten feet away, her glowing yellow pupils trained directly on me from underneath her haunting helmet. I felt something grip my internal organs as she outstretched her hand, and with a few crackle and sparks of light, materialized a glimmering blue spear with a tip seeming sharp enough to cut through steel.
Well that looks like fun.
Without a single sound besides the clanking of her armor, the captain of the Royal Guard reared back, ready to throw her spear at a moments noticed.
I was doomed. I should've ran. I was such an idiot. But now it was too late. Why did I let me convince myself to stay put? All I could do now was stay perfectly still, eyes wide open in fear with sweat and water dripping down my face like rivers of tears.
Undyne looked to the left, then turned her gaze to the right...
...
...I let out a silent breath of relief. She was still searching for the source of the sound, of any movement in the bush, but found none. Huffing, Undyne banished the spear in her hand and vanished without a trace. I waited in total silence until the sounds of her footsteps disappeared, and allowed myself to calm down.
"Holy shit..." was all I could muster after that encounter. First the damn rocks had almost killed me, and now this. What would I do if I ran into her again? Fight, I guessed, unless I had a clear means of escape in the best-case-scenario. Until then, I had to deal with the crushing feeling of dread looming over me and continue forward into Waterfall. Eh, nothing I'm not used too anyway...
As I stepped out of the thicket, now HEAVING sighs in a vain attempt to soothe my nerves, another rustle followed me in the grass. I whipped around, fearing Undyne had somehow snuck up behind me, only to see the little Monster Kid stumbling out of the bush behind me.
"When the hell did you get here?!" I squeaked, unable to sound anything but terrified for the time being.
The kid seemed oblivious to me, wearing the biggest smile I think I'd ever seen on anyone up until that point. "Yo, did you see the way she was staring at you?!" he cheered, literally hopping up and down with glee.
Like she wanted me dead? Might've missed that part, whoops.
"That...was...AWESOME!"
"No, seriously, how and when did you get in that bush?" I insisted.
"I'm SOOOO jealous!" the kid continued his rant.
"The. Bush. Right there. How did you get there?" Am I slow talking out of frustration to a little kid? God, I'm old.
Monster Kid finally mustered up the decency to pay me some attention. "That's what I'm saying, dude! I was there the whole time!"
I blinked. Had I seriously missed the little bugger sitting right next to me the entire time I was cowering — I mean, strategically hiding — from big, bad Undyne? Either this kid was a master of stealth, or I was a master of stupidity. Probably both.
"What'd you do to get her attention...?" he trailed off, ending his stream of rambles with a nervous chuckle.
That's right, he doesn't know I'm human. "Heck if I know," I muttered. "I was just minding my own business, eavesdropping on important conversations, the usual."
Monster kid uttered another chuckle. "Same." Glancing over his shoulder as if he were expecting a third figure to jump out of the thicket, he added, "You hear that part about a human hanging around here? Crazy stuff, right?"
I hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Terrifying."
"B-but hey! I'm sure Undyne will catch it! Why don't we go watch her beat it up!" he suggested, rushing past me without waiting for an answer. Not before tripping, face-planting, scrapping himself off the floor, and turning around to assure me be was okay. Again. "C'mon! Let's go!"
"You keep falling hard like that, and your face will stick to the pavement for good." I waved him off. "Go on ahead, I'll catch up."
Monster Kid paused mid-step. "O-okay!" he said at last, before scampering off. Just like that, I was alone again.
...Something about the way he had said "it" was gnawing at me. As if I were some dumb, stray animal being hunted down. As if me making it this far was just some string of dumb luck, as if I were dealt a perfect hand. The kid didn't even know it, and he might as well be spitting in my eye.
Exactly. He didn't even know it, and it should stay that way. Let it go.
Alright, back on track, I was about to see if I could find my way out of Waterfall without drowning in anymore waterfalls...