Chapter 4: Steve, yer a Dumbass!

Roses are red

I can't rhyme

Violets are blue

I still can't rhyme

-Steve

I liked to mine in my spare time. Sure, it was dangerous, but one of the perks that Notch gives His Elites is the ability to always Respawn, which was basically a free get-out-of-jail card for when people died, and people in this line of business tended to die a lot, which wasn't something everyone got to say, I guess. I mean, unless you got killed by a God or someone with a God-Essence weapon - the standard issue weapon for people who work for the Aether, because everyday swords just weren't up to dealing with extraordinary nasties.

The bit about Gods is pretty self-explanatory.

That still didn't stop us from losing our stuff, though. That could get annoying. To me, there's nothing quite like the thrill of finding a diamond. There's also nothing quite like the shock of mining the diamond while standing on it, and then discovering that it was sitting just above a pool of lava a millisecond before falling into the said lava, either.

After narrowly escaping from the murderous librarian, I set off to the nearest mine. I always had my diamond pick in my Inventory, so I didn't need to go back for it. On the account of the said murderous librarian, I thought it'd probably be best if I stayed out of sight until evening.

I got halfway to the city gates before I realized that I didn't know where the mines were. In fact, since I've never come to Sylder before, I didn't even know if they had a mine.

Oh. That could be kind of a problem.

Fortunately for me, the solution to said problem came running up to me, huffing, red-faced, and clanking like an explosion in a tin factory.

I recognized him as the guard from last night, the one that talked to me. He was clad in full iron armor, and had a sheathed iron sword clipped onto his belt. He was also coloured a disconcerting shade of red, probably owing to the fact he had just run up a hill in full iron armour.

"Excuse me, sir." He wheeze. "I'm, ah, supposed to be your guide. I, only just found out." Then he added:"My name's Leon, by the way."

I was happy. Considering the fact I got a cool bedroom that I could mess up however much I liked (the size of the bed!), then there was the room service, and now I had a free guide as well. Notch may not be the best at navigation, but he sure knew how to plan a holiday.

"That was actually the best news I've heard all day." I grinned at him. "Can you show me the way to the nearest cave system?"

"Oh, you mean the mines, sir? Sure, it's this way."

"Lead on! And please, stop calling me sir. It makes me feel old." With that, I set off after my new guide.

"This is the Sylder mines, s- I mean, Steve."

We were by the entrance of the apparent "Sylder's one and only mine". It sure didn't look like it. A mine, I mean. There were old signs all over the place, and it didn't look very well looked after.

I told Leon what I thought.

"There's not many miners around here." He explained. "We buy our ores from other kingdoms."

Well, that only meant that there was more stuff in there. No miners means more ores for me.

Also more Mobs. No miners meant more Mob attacks for me.

I waved aside the thought. It wasn't like I could actually die permanently.

"Do you want to come? Or you can just go and I'll find my own way back. I don't really mind."

Leon's eyes widened a fraction.

"No, I'll come. I've never been in a cave before."

I shrugged vaguely, mind set on diamonds and oblivious to the world.

"Okay then. I have a spare pick if you want it."

Leon took it with shining eyes, making the thirty-something year old suddenly look like a kid at a party.

My own pickaxe was a thing of beauty. Crafted carefully out of the clearest diamond, layered with the most expensive enchantments as I could afford. Leon gave it an admiring look.

"You must be pretty good, eh?"

"Oh, yes," I said proudly.

We went through the entrance and found a little cavern, already stripped of ores. There were a few little tunnels here and there, no doubt made by the other miners.

"So, where do we go now?" Leon asked.

I ignored him, focusing instead on the fluttering feeling at the back of my mind. It grew into a slight tug.

Where?

I felt around a bit.

Aha.

There.

I suddenly started digging a staircase downwards as fast as I could, with a confused Leon trailing behind me.

I dug through the last block of stone and dropped into a cavern, with a still confused Leon at my side. We found and mined a few veins of iron, lapis, and coal ore on the way down, but that wasn't what I was looking for.

What I was looking for was right there, across the pool of lava in front of us, gleaming in the warm light of the magma.

Leon gaped at it. "Diamonds! But how did you find them so fast?"

"I've always been able to feel where diamonds are. I don't know why, though." I scratched my neck with the hand that wasn't holding the pickaxe. "It's just something I'd been able to do, y'know? Used to show it off to the kids at home, it freaked them out a bit, but then I was the coolest guy around."

Leon murmured something I didn't hear in reply.

A zombie came up behind me and I casually skewered it with my pickaxe before kicking it into the lava. It groaned a bit before bursting into flames and being consumed. All this while Leon continued to stare at the diamonds.

This went on for a while before I became impatient and bridged towards the diamonds. I'd almost reached them before an arrow zipped out of nowhere and-

Hit me in the shoulder, knocking me right off my bridge.

I opened my mouth to let out a not-so-manly shriek-

And landed on solid ground with a thump.

I opened my eyes and found myself back on my bridge, unharmed except for my bitten tongue. I looked around and found a cloud of Ender Particles where I used to be.

"Astounding! You threw that Ender Pearl so fast I didn't even see it!"

I kept my mouth shut and just smiled at him. There was absolutely no need to tell Leon that I had Enderman Mob Affinity and had just accidentally teleported, risking deportation in the process and probably another restraining order. I couldn't teleport on purpose if I wanted to, anyway.

I hurriedly mined the diamonds before I could get hit again, and we got out of the cave system.

The lingering pressure of eyes on the back of my neck followed me all the way out of the cave.

Something lurked in the back of the caves. It was very good at lurking, because it had a lot of practice over the centuries. The shape watched the miner and his companion leave the caves.

It didn't know why it teleported the miner away. Not because he interested it in any way, even with the faint touch of purple in his aura that declared the presence of an Ender mage. It was simply because it didn't get interested in anything nowadays, and hadn't got interested in anything for a very long time, period. Maybe it was because he looked like a carbon copy of Itself. Or maybe... because he looked like them.

It derailed that train of thought before it got very far. Nothing good ever came of going down the memory lane, especially not that particular alley.

It went back to his previous question. So why did it help the human? The miner would have Respawned anyway, and it had never really liked humans as a species anyway.

It promptly decided to decapitate him if it ever saw him again. It saved the effort of having to think about it.

It was rudely interrupted from its thought by the sound of footsteps.

It opened its eyes and found itself back in the little cave that it had decided to sit down in. It was pitch black, but being who, and what, it was, it could see perfectly.

And so could the mobs.

It listened to the echoes bouncing off the cave walls, building a picture in its mind. Six zombies and three Endermen, all headed its way, and all of them armed.

It flew up to the cave ceiling and hung there, defying gravity. It listened again.

"He's here somewhere, I smelt his scent."

"Lead us to him, brother. Let us destroy the Destroyer."

The entity waited patiently. Devoid of glee, devoid of fear, devoid of all feeling that may have distracted it, had it still had the capability to experience them.

The gang of mobs burst into the cave and raised their weapons, looking around for their 'prey'.

But they never looked up.

"All for nothing." It sighed as it dropped silently into their midst.

The group spun around as one of the zombies slumped, and then collapsed into a pile of neatly diced cubes. The others looked around frantically for the attacker, only to look back and find the remains of another of their fellows littered haphazardly on the ground. One Enderman attempted to teleport out. It dissolved into a shower of purple particles and never rematerialised again.

And then there was only one left.

The entity landed gracefully without a sound. There was a soft, almost silken sound as a pair of slender swords vanished from its hands.

The last Enderman backed away as the figure advanced

"Didn't even get blood on my sword. How nice is that?"

It had a voice like quicksilver. Honey-smooth and silver-tongued, and a current of poison running underneath.

"What, what do you, what do you want?" The Enderman stammered, trembling.

Its eyes seemed to bore through the Enderman's mind and out the other side. They were pale, pupil-less, and they glowed luminescent silver.

"I want to know why you want me dead." The being said softly.

The Enderman stared back defiantly, all traces of fear gone.

"Because you are a monster and a pretender, and not one of us would rest until you are dead and gone!"

The entity was silent. For a moment, it seemed to be staring intently into nothing.

"Interesting. Dirac, is it?" It spoke after a pause."Ninety-five years old, young for an Enderman. Thirty-three years ago, you watched as almost the entire generation of Endermen, creepers, and undead stormed a fortress in a forest in an attempt to kill its sole resident. You went with the mob all the way into the throne room. And then you ran. You have been running ever since. And today, along with the last of those who had run from the fortress that night, you tried to stop running."

The Enderman snarled. "You made it up."

"I would be a poor god indeed if I couldn't read minds."

"You're no god. You're weak. You bled. Gods don't bleed." But there was a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

The entity flashed him a false friendly smile that had way too many teeth in it.

"It's called ichor, my dear friend. And gods do bleed, just not very much, and not for long. I could show you, if you like."

It summoned a blade and made a small incision on a wrist. Blood welled up and dripped down onto the Enderman's shoulder, hissing and burning as it landed.

The Enderman screeched in pain.

"Stop! Please!"

It tilted its head slightly and widened its eyes in a sickening imitation of childish innocence.

"Ah, silly me. I forgot to mention one of its properties. Ichor has a rather... unpleasant effect on mortals, I'm afraid. Like lava on wood."

The bleeding stopped as the wound healed itself, glowing faintly in the process. Herobrine reached out and caressed the Enderman's cheek with deceptive gentleness, then walked away.

The Enderman screamed as it melted from inside out.