SAILOR MOON: 1987
(DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO COME UP WITH A DIFFERENT WAY EVERY STORY TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT NAOKO TAKEUCHI CREATED SAILOR MOON, OR THAT THE ONLY THINGS I OWN ARE THE THINGS I CREATED, OR THAT THIS IS MY ALTERNATE UNIVERSE VERSION OF SAILOR MOON CREATED AS A TRIBUTE TO THE WORK OF NAOKO TAKEUCHI?) (P.S.: I SHOULD ALSO MENTION THAT THE LYRICS QUOTED ARE FROM "VENUS", WHICH WAS WRITTEN BY ROBBIE VAN LEEUWEN.)
EPISODE 19: SEVEN GREAT BEASTS #6: AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE
JANUARY 9, 1987
SAILOR SOLDIERS HQ, 6:00 PM
"This meeting will be brief," Artemis said.
"Artemis and I decided that we should all have code names," Luna said. "He and I included. We decided to let each of you decide your own code names. Since Artemis and I already decided on our names, and I'm a lady, I'll go first. You all know the superstition that says it's bad luck for a black cat to cross your path, my code name will be Bad Luck Charm."
"My code name is Gato Blanco," Artemis said. "It's Spanish for white cat."
"Since my superhero name is Golden Hawk," John McCoy said, "I'll be Big Bird."
"Usagi is the Japanese word for rabbit," Usagi Tsukino said, "So I'll be Bugs Bunny."
"I'll be Space Needle," Ami Andersen said. "Since I'm from Seattle."
"I'll be Red Bow," Mina Webb said. "You might have noticed the red bow I'm always wearing in my hair."
"I'll be Marvin," Rae Hinowski said. "Since he's a Martian, and I'm Sailor Mars."
"Call me Sparky," Mary Ann Kino said. "Since my powers are lightning based."
"I guess that's it," Luna said.
JANUARY 16, 1987 7:30 PM
RUBY'S DINER, ORANGEFAIR PLAZA, FULLERTON, CALIFORNIA
John McCoy was more surprised than anything at the kiss. He had just gotten off work, and had gone to Ruby's, to get a bite to eat. He was going to sit at the counter and have a burger, onion rings, fries, and an orange cream shake. In and out, get home, and listen to some music before bed. At least, that was his original plan. When he arrived, his friends Mina Webb, Rae Hinowski, and Ami Andersen were there, along with Mina's cat, Artemis. "Hi girls," John said, when he saw them.
"Hi John," Rae said.
"Hi there John," Ami said.
Mina didn't say anything, she grabbed John by the head, pulled him in, and gave him a kiss. It wasn't an earthshattering kiss, but one that John would remember for the rest of his life.
One of the reasons John would remember that kiss was one of the wrong reasons. What he didn't know was that Usagi Tsukino, John's best friend and girlfriend, had just shown up, along with her cat Luna, and had seen the kiss. "You pig!" Usagi said, and slapped John across the face.
"What did I do?" John asked, dumbfounded.
"Don't give me that," Usagi said. "You know exactly what you did."
When Usagi said that, John suddenly lost his appetite. He went to his car, and went home, where he lay on his bed, listening to music. "What did I do that was so bad?" John said to himself. "Mina kissed me, I didn't kiss her. It's not like I expected to have her plant one on me like that. I was just as surprised when Mina kissed me as Usagi was when she saw it." He then noticed a draft in the room. "That's funny," he said. "I don't remember opening the window"
"That's because you didn't open the window," Luna, Usagi's cat, said.
"Great," John said. "Usagi can't bring herself to tear me a new asshole herself, so she sends her cat. I'm sorry to get you in the middle of all this, Luna."
"Usagi didn't send me over to tear you a new asshole," Luna said. "Usagi doesn't even know I'm here. She just seemed upset at you for some reason, and I was hoping to find out what got her panties in a knot."
"A goddess from a mountain top," John said. "Burning like a silver flame. The summit of beauty and love."
"I don't get it," Luna said.
"It's a clue to why Usagi's mad at me," John said. "It's the opening lines to a hit song."
"That still doesn't tell me anything," Luna said.
"The song's by a band called Shocking Blue," John said, "although Bananarama had a huge hit with it last year. The song's called Venus."
"Okay," Luna said. "Still doesn't click."
"As in Sailor Venus," John said.
"Mina?" Luna asked.
"Yeah," John said. "Earlier tonight, I went to grab a bite to eat after work, and out of the blue, Mina kissed me. Usagi's mad because she just happened to see it. Believe me, I was as surprised as Usagi was when Mina kissed me."
"Have you tried calling Usagi to explain?" Luna asked.
"Yeah," John said. "Her brother said she couldn't come to the phone. She probably doesn't want to talk to me ever again."
"You don't believe that, do you?" Luna asked.
"Okay," John said. "I'll give her a couple days to cool off. I mean, it's not like I was totally making out with Mina, it was just a kiss."
"A kiss is bad enough," Luna said.
"I know," John said. "Like I said, Mina caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting her to kiss me. Now that I think of it, I can see why Usagi was upset. I mean, if I walked in on her kissing some other guy, I'd be upset myself."
"So you see things from her point of view," Luna said.
"I guess," John said. "Even though I didn't actually do anything wrong, I still feel bad about it, especially the fact I kind of liked it."
"You liked it when Mina kissed you?" Luna asked.
"I know," John said, "Usagi's my girlfriend and all, and I love her, but we're kind of not officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean, we've kissed, and been on a few dates, I've told her I love her, and I'll leave it at that."
"Say no more," Luna said. "Anyways, I'll make sure to tell Usagi what actually happened. Don't worry, I'll just tell her Mina kissed you, and leave it at that."
"Thanks," John said, as Luna left.
As Luna left, John went to close the window, and saw Mina Webb standing in his driveway. "Mind if I come up?" Mina asked. "I need to talk to you about what happened tonight."
"I'll go get the door," John said.
"Not necessary," Mina said, leaping straight up, and landing on the ledge directly underneath his bedroom window, doing a flip before landing.
"How did you do that?" John asked.
"Please," Mina said. "It's only 10 feet straight up."
"I bet you could slam dunk on everyone in the NBA," John said.
"Nah," Mina said. "I'd be too afraid of breaking a nail."
"Anyways," John said, "what did you want to talk about?"
"What do you think?" Mina asked.
"The proverbial 800 pound gorilla in the room," John said.
"If that's what you want to call it," Mina said, as Artemis, her cat, entered the room.
"When you kissed me," John said.
"I'm sorry," Mina said. "I didn't even think Usagi would see me kiss you and jump to conclusions. But I think you at least deserve an explanation why I kissed you."
"Now that we're on the subject," John said.
"Do you know I've had a crush on you since my first day at El Dorado?" Mina asked.
"No," John said.
"It's not your fault," Mina said. "Until my parents pulled me out of Rosary, I'd never went to school with boys, Rae and I always went to all girl schools. In fact, you're probably the first male friend I've ever had. I realize you have a girlfriend."
"Had one," John said. "Usagi was pretty angry about the whole thing."
"And I'm sorry her anger was directed at you," Mina said. "Shit, how could I have been so stupid?"
"What do you mean, stupid?" John asked.
"I thought if I kissed you, I would get the crush I had on you out of my system," Mina said. "I'm such a fucking idiot."
"Just because you sometimes do stupid things doesn't mean you're an idiot," John said. "Me, I've probably done enough boneheaded things in my life to write a book."
"John," Caryn Frehley-McCoy, John's mom, said as she came into his room, "phone."
"Thanks, mom," John said.
"Hi Mina," Caryn said, noticing her in the room.
"Hi John's mom," Mina said, sheepishly.
John went downstairs, and answered the phone. "Hello," he said.
"I hope the two of you are happy together," Usagi Tsukino said. John could tell from her voice she was crying.
John was going to say something, but before he could, he heard the click of Usagi hanging up on him. He briefly considered calling her back, but he not only forgot what he was going to say, but realized that if she was willing to talk to him, their conversation would almost immediately turn into an argument John did not want to have. He decided that he would rather give it a couple days for her to calm down, to let cooler heads prevail.
"Was that Usagi?" Mina asked, when Jake got back to his room.
"Yeah," John said. "She said she hopes you and I are happy together."
"How did Usagi find out I was over here, anyways?" Mina asked.
"Luna left just as you got here," John said.
"I thought I saw a black cat when I got here," Mina said. "Dollars to donuts, she told Usagi I was here. Man, when I mess up, I do it big time."
"I just hope one of these days, I can salvage my friendship with Usagi," John said. "I also hope it's worth salvaging."
"I should go," Mina said. "I'm afraid that if I stayed any longer, Usagi's going to think you and I...'
"If she's going to think we did," John said, "why not you and me have sex?"
"You're not serious, are you?" Mina asked.
"No," John said. "We'll probably both regret it."
"You're right," Mina said, as John walked her to the front door.
"If you don't mind," Artemis said, "I think I'll stick around for a bit and have a man to man talk with John."
"I'll leave the window cracked for you," Mina said, as she left.
Meanwhile, back at the Tsukino residence, Ikuko had poured Luna a saucer of cream, when her communicator went off. "Gato Blanco to Bad Luck Charm," Artemis said, using their code names.
"This is Bad Luck Charm," Luna said.
"Just letting you know that Red Bow just left Big Bird's place," Artemis said. "You might want to let Bugs Bunny know all they did was talk. I'm going to stick around for a bit and talk to Big Bird."
"Ten-four," Luna said. "Out."
"Tell you what," John said, as he looked in the refrigerator for something to eat, "When it rains, it pours."
"Women," Artemis said. "You ever thought about, you know..."
"Pitching for the other team?" John asked. "You're right, gay guys don't have woman troubles. But from what I've heard from some gay acquaintances, they have just as much drama as straight guys, it's just their drama involves other men."
"I guess you're right," Artemis said.
"Besides," John said, "I don't think I could be gay. Don't get me wrong, I have a couple gay friends, but the idea of me getting intimate with something that has a penis repulses me."
"Some people would think that would be a homophobic thing to say," Artemis said.
"I have my reasons," John said. "And we'll just leave it at that."
"Okay," Artemis said.
"Anyways," John said, "I'm starving, and since I missed lunch, I'm going to order myself a pizza." He called Domino's, and ordered a medium pizza with double pepperoni, with anchovies on the side, and a 2 liter bottle of Dr Pepper. When it arrived(29 minutes and 43 seconds after John hung up the phone), he devoured the whole pizza, opeining the can of anchovies for Artemis.
MEANWHILE, USAGI'S BEDROOM, THE NEXT MORNING
After Luna(and Artemis, who came over after finishing the anchovies John got him) explained what exactly happened between John and Mina the night before, Usagi managed to cry herself to sleep. "Good morning," Ikuko Tsukino, Usagi's mother, said, coming into her bedroom.
"What's so good about it?" Usagi asked, still half asleep.
"Oh yeah, that," Ikuko said. "Luna and Artemis filled me in on what happened. She told me you saw Mina Webb kissing John."
"You mean John kissing Mina," Usagi said.
"That's not the way Artemis saw it," Ikuko said. "He saw the whole thing, Mina definitely kissed him."
"But he didn't have to enjoy it," Usagi said.
"Way I see it," Ikuko said, "now that you know what really happened, the one person you should be upset at is Mina, not John."
"I bet he hates my guts right now," Usagi said. "He probably doesn't want to speak to me ever again."
"That's not the impression I got when I talked to him last night," Luna said, as she came into the room. "He values your friendship more than anything."
"This is Marvin," Rae said over her communicator. "Anyone know where Big Bird is? His car's in the driveway, but his mom and dad say he's not there."
"This is Space Needle," Ami Andersen said over her communicator. "I saw Big Bird leaving his house about 20 minutes ago, on bike."
"This is Bugs Bunny," Usagi said into her communicator. "I have an idea where our feathered friend is, I'll go look for him."
"Thanks," Rae said.
"Now if you'll excuse me," Usagi said, "I need to get dressed."
A few minutes later, Usagi had gotten dressed, and went to Gilman Park, a local park that partially surrounded a local neighborhood. She went to a treehouse in one corner of the park. "Hey John," Usagi said, "I know you're here, I can see your old bike. Mind if I come up, I want to talk to you?"
"It's a free country," John said. "Actually, I'm relieved you want to come up."
"Why's that?" Usagi asked, as she climbed up into the treehouse.
"I was afraid you would never want to speak to me again," John said.
"Whatever gave you that idea?" Usagi asked.
"When you called last night," John said. "You said you hoped Mina and I were happy together, and hung up before I could say anything."
"I was upset," Usagi said. "I saw you and Mina kissing, and jumped to conclusions. I never even considered it was her kissing you. But now I have the whole story. I also realize we never really defined the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. At least, not as it applies to us."
"I've been thinking about that, too," John said. "Which is why I'm breaking up with you."
"You asshole," Usagi said.
"We've been friends since we first met," John said. "You owe me at least a chance to explain myself. The only reason I'm breaking up with you is so that we can start over again. I want to be your boyfriend, but not the way we were. I want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend in more than just name only. I want to be more than your friend who's a boy. To be honest, I really don't know what I want, but I'll know it when it happens."
"I don't really know what I want, either," Usagi said. "Let's find out what we want together."
"Hey Bugs Bunny, this is Marvin," Rae said from Usagi's communicator.
"Big Bird's safe and sound," Usagi said into her communicator. "We can't really tell you where we are, but I can tell you that he and I are currently in the process of making up."
"Good to hear," Rae said. "Marvin out."
Meanwhile, in another part of the park, Christine Reynolds had brought her two children, Michael and Emily, twins who had just turned 8, to the park, to play. As Michael and Emily were playing, Zoicite appeared, causing Emily to let out a high pitched scream.
While John and Usagi were in the treehouse, they heard Emily Reynolds's scream. "That's not good," Usagi said.
"Let's go check it out," John said.
John and Usagi ran to where the scream was coming from, transforming into Golden Hawk and Sailor Moon, respectively. When they arrived, they saw Zoicite. "The shit just hit the fan," Golden Hawk said into his communicator.
"Michael, Emily," Christine said, "get behind mommy. And as for you," she said to Zoicite, "Don't you dare harm my children. My grandfather used to breed dogs, and he taught me one thing about them. You harm the pup, you deal with the bitch. Lay one hand on either of my children, and you're going to find out just how much of a bitch I can be, whatever you are."
"My name is Zoicite," he said. "And you have nothing to worry about, I give you my word I won't harm either of your children. It's you I'm after."
"Leave them alone!" Golden Hawk said.
"Is this the part where you go into your spiel?" Zoicite asked.
"I don't really feel like giving you the whole thing today," Golden Hawk said. "So I'll just cut to the end, and say in the name of all that is awesome and wicked cool, I will kick your ass."
"And I suppose in the name of the Moon," Zoicite said to Sailor Moon, "You will punish me."
"Pretty much," Sailor Moon said.
"And here's the part where I unleash the beast," Zoicite said, pointing the Black Crystal at Christine. A hole opened in her chest, and the Orange Rainbow Crystal came out of it.
"Leave my mommy alone!" Michael said, throwing a baseball at Zoicite, missing him, but distracting him long enough to cause him to stop the beam, causing the Orange Crystal to fall to the ground, where Emily picked it up.
"You two are lucky I gave your mom my word I wouldn't harm you," Zoicite said, as he disappeared.
"But I suppose he didn't say anything about their mother," Sailor Moon said, as Christine was transformed into an anthropomorphic Hell hound.
"Please don't harm that thing," Emily said, to which Michael added "Whatever it is, it's still our mommy."
"We won't harm it," Golden Hawk said, grabbing his tonfas, and channeling energy through them, as if they were blaster rifles.
"I thought you said you wouldn't harm my mommy," Emily said.
"I'm not," Golden Hawk said. "Let's just say my blasters are set on stun. I just need to subdue her, so Sailor Moon can turn her back into your mom."
"I believe I can help with that," Sailor Mercury said, as she arrived on the scene. "Mercury Fog Surround!"
As the Hell Hound was surrounded by a fog that impaired its vision, Golden Hawk fired several shots, which stunned it, leaving it vulnerable to Sailor Moon's attack.
"Moon Healing, Escalation!" Sailor Moon said, firing a beam of white energy at the Hell hound, turning it back into Christine Reynolds.
"What happened?" Christine asked, as she was transformed back into herself.
"A long time ago," Golden Hawk said. "the Queen of the Moon sealed seven great beasts in the Seven Rainbow Crystals. Those crystals were reborn into seven people. Well, six people and a cat. You were the host of one of those crystals, as was I."
"Is that what the bad man wanted?" Emily asked, showing Golden Hawk the Orange Rainbow Crystal. "That came out of my mommy, when my brother threw a ball at the bad man, I grabbed it."
"Good girl," Golden Hawk said.
"Emily," Christine said, "Please give the nice man the crystal."
"Okay mommy," Emily said, putting the Orange Rainbow Crystal in Golden Hawk's hand.
"Thank you," Golden Hawk said. His palm glowed white, and the crystal disappeared."
"What did you do?"Christine asked.
"I put the crystal someplace where Zoicite can't find it," Golden Hawk said.
RAINBOW CRYSTAL SCORECARD
YELLOW-SAMMY TSUKINO
BLUE-GOLDEN HAWK
RED-KATIE "SCARLET" O'HARA
GREEN-GOLDEN HAWK(TAKEN FROM ZOICITE)
INDIGO-GOLDEN HAWK
ORANGE-EMILY REYNOLDS
UNTIL NEXT TIME...
OUR NEXT EPISODE: SEVEN GREAT BEASTS #7:JACKRABBIT SLIM