SAILOR MOON: 1987
(THIS IS THE PART WHERE I MENTION SOMETHING ABOUT HOW NAOKO TAKEUCHI CREATED SAILOR MOON, AND I ONLY CREATED WHAT I CREATED, AND I DON'T MAKE ANY MONEY OFF THIS) I SHOULD ALSO MENTION THAT THIS STORY USES PART OF THE SONG OF THE WITCHES FROM MACBETH, BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, WHICH I USE UNDER THE FAIR USE DOCTRINE.
EPISODE 20: SEVEN GREAT BEASTS #7: JACKRABBIT SLIM
JANUARY 29, 1987
EL DORADO HIGH SCHOOL, PLACENTIA, CALIFORNIA 12:15 PM
"Just three more semesters to go," John McCoy said, "and we'll be out of this place forever."
"Speak for yourself," Ami Andersen said. "Remember, I'm only a sophomore, all of you are juniors."
"Oh yeah," John said. "And also the fact Usagi and I are the only ones of us who've been here since the first day of freshman year.'
"And would you believe Mina, Ami, Rae, and Mary Ann all started here within a week?" Usagi Tsukino said. "First, Ami and Mina, than a week later, Rae and Mary Ann."
"Anyways," John said, "End of the semester means one thing. Three day weekend."
"Amen to that," Usagi said.
"Does anyone think it's strange I don't really enjoy three day weekends?" Ami asked.
"Yes," John and Usagi said in unison.
"I don't know why," Ami said, "but I'm one of those strange creatures who actually enjoys learning."
"Speaking of learning," John said, "Thanks for agreeing to have your lesson today instead of tomorrow."
"Not a problem," Ami said.
"I'll see you over at Mina's later this afternoon," Usagi said, giving John a kiss."
"Okay," John said.
"What's going on?" Ami asked, as she and John got into John's car.
"Tomorrow is Sister Betty's birthday," John said, as he pulled out of the parking lot. "At least, it would be if she were still alive. To honor the occasion, Mina, Rae, and I are going to make a huge batch of beef stew for the homeless. Usagi found out, and she volunteered to help us make it, and serve it."
"Need another volunteer?" Ami asked.
"Sure," John said. "In fact, we'll go there right after your lesson."
"What time is my lesson, anyways?" Ami asked.
"Whenever we get there," John said. "You're my only lesson today, and they have enough people on the floor, so I told Dianne I would be there whenever I could. Since you brought your guitar, and I have my Explorer in the trunk, we don't have to stop at home to pick them up. But I did want to grab something to eat on the way. In N Out okay?"
"Sure," Ami said.
After lunch, they went to Cavern music. "Grab your guitar and meet me in room 3," John said. "I'll be there in a minute."
"Okay," Ami said.
"I already called your mom," John said, when he arrived for Ami's lesson. "I told her you were helping us make beef stew for the homeless."
After Ami's lesson, she and John went to Mina's house, stopping on the way at Smart & Final/Iris, where John used the payphone outside to call Mina, to see if she needed anything. John and Ami went in, and bought disposable bowls, plastic spoons, napkins, a large bag of onions, several cans of beef broth, and several food service sized cans of corn.
When John and Ami arrived at Mina's house, Usagi, Rae, and Mary Ann were there, along with Julie and Traci Brewster, the twin sisters who shared the identity of Yumemi Yumeno. Julie and Traci were wearing matching outfits, light gray cropped T-shirts and slim cut jeans tucked into slouch socks, along with white leather high tops with Velcro straps around the ankles. The cut of their T-shirts showed off not only toned abdominal muscles, but also the band of flesh that joined the sisters to one another. "Sister Betty was our aunt," Julie said.
"When Usagi said you were making beef stew for the homeless to honor her birthday," Traci added, "we insisted on helping."
"I can't think of a better way to honor her memory," Amanda Webb, Mina's mother, said. "If you need any help, I'll be in the next room."
"Thanks, mom," Mina said, putting on an apron. "Now I got an apron for everyone, put yours on, and let's get to work."
"If you don't mind," Julie said, to which Traci added "My sister and I brought our own apron." The twins put on what turned out to be two aprons, stitched together into one apron made for two. Mina wore a red apron, which matched the bow in her hair, Rae wore a frilly apron that would some 50s sitcom housewife would wear, Usagi wore an apron decorated with pictures of rabbits, Mary Ann wore a pink gingham apron, Ami wore one that said "Eat your heart out, Donna Reed", and John wore one that said "Kiss the chef". Working together, they peeled and diced potatoes, diced onions, peeled and chopped carrots, and browned the meat, as well as adding canned corn(along with the water it was packed in) and beef broth to the pot, as well as seasoning(just seasoned salt), and a couple teaspoons of flour, to help make a thick gravy.
Once everything was added to the pot, Usagi grabbed a large spoon and started stirring everything together, as Mina turned the heat on. "Double, double, toil and trouble," Usagi said as she stirred, in her best witch voice. "Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Fillet of a fenny snake, in the cauldron boil and bake; Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg and howlet's wing, for a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
"Did I just hear Usagi quote Shakespeare?" Rae asked.
"Why does that surprise anyone?" Usagi said. "I memorized it for a school play in the 8th grade."
"Just remember what we're here for," Mina said.
"Yeah," John said. "We're doing this for Sister Betty. I know not everyone here has even met her, but we all know what she meant to a lot of people in this town. Doing this for the homeless is the perfect way to honor her memory, and everything she stood for."
As the stew simmered on the stove, everyone removed their aprons, just as Nick Webb, Mina's father, came into the kitchen. "I really appreciate what all of you are doing," Nick said. "I've known Sister Betty since I was a child, she's always helped those less fortunate than herself. I remember something she said, she didn't do it for the reward, but because it was the right thing to do. Now you two," he said to Julie and Traci, "I understand you're her nieces, correct?"
"Yes," Julie and Traci said in unison.
At that moment, Nick realized he was staring at the band of flesh that joined Julie and Traci. "You'll have to pardon my staring," Nick said. "It's just that..."
"We understand," Julie said, "We're kind of used to people staring at us."
"Staring comes with the territory when you're Siamese twins," Traci added. "We get it all the time."
"You're not upset?" Nick asked.
"You're curious," Traci said, to which Julie added "Most people have never seen Siamese twins in the flesh before."
"Just out of curiosity," Nick asked, "Have you two ever met another pair of Siamese twins?"
"Yes and no," Julie and Traci said in unison.
"We knew a pair of brothers in high school who were born joined at the abdomen," Traci said.
"But they were surgically separated before we met them," Julie added.
While they were making stew, Mina's parents went out and got pizza and soda for everyone. They got several pies with double pepperoni, as well as several bottles of Dr Pepper, which all the girls(as well as John) liked.
"I'll see you in the morning," John said, after they ate, and cleaned up the kitchen.
"You're not staying over tonight?" Mina asked.
"Let's just say I'm not the kind of person who usually gets invited to girls sleepovers," John said.
"Come on," Artemis said.
"If it makes you feel any better," Amanda Webb, Mina's mother, said, "I'll set up the spare bedroom for you."
"And we already called your parents," Nick said. "We told them it's okay for you to sleep over here, even though you're a boy. We just ask that you stay out of Mina's bedroom after 11."
"Come on," Artemis said. "Do it for me. It's an all-girls sleepover, I'm going to need another guy to talk to, and Mina's father is working graveyard tonight."
"You talked me into it," John said. "But I have to leave for a while, I need to run home and get my pajamas and toothbrush, and some clean clothes for tomorrow, and I wanted to get in some SLS tonight."
"SLS?" Amanda asked.
"Street Level Surveillance," John said. "In other words, I wanted to go out on a short patrol."
"I'll go with you," Artemis said.
"Fine," John said, teleporting to his house. He returned a few minutes later, with an overnight bag. "Ready to go, Artemis?" he said, as he transformed into Golden Hawk.
"Whenever you are," Artemis said.
"Anything can happen," John said. "So while I'm gone, I want you girls to stay on those pretty pedicured toes of yours."
"Uh, I never do my toes," Ami said. "Just my fingernails. But I know what you mean."
"I don't know if your parents let you use them," Amanda said, "But could you please not use smoke pellets in my house?"
"I only use them for show," Golden Hawk said. "Or if I need to hide when I transform. But everyone here already knows I'm Golden Hawk."
A few minutes later, Golden Hawk and Artemis were in the downtown area of Fullerton, more precisely, the area where the homeless population lived. He made his way to an RV on blocks, where his friend Bear lived. "Hey Golden Hawk," Bear said, "I just put a pot of coffee on, want a cup?"
"Sure," Golden Hawk said. "I know I haven't been around as much lately, but things happen."
"I heard," Bear said, as they went inside, and Golden Hawk removed his mask and put his hood up, sitting with his back to the door. "I heard this Zoicite character sort of found the Legendary Silver Millennium Crystal he was looking for."
"The crystal was divided into seven fragments," Golden Hawk said. "Each fragment held one of the Seven Great Beasts, and the fragments were reborn into seven people. Actually, seven people and a cat."
"That doesn't add up," Bear said. "Unless one of the crystals was reborn into Julie and Traci Brewster."
"How did you know?" Golden Hawk asked.
"Their father is Sister Betty's half brother," Bear said. "I've met them a few times, they used to help their aunt when she came out here. They're kind of cute, the fact they're Siamese twins notwithstanding."
"Think you can do me a favor?" Golden Hawk asked.
"Sure," Bear said.
"Some friends and I are making a big pot of beef stew, just like Sister Betty used to make," Golden Hawk said. "Since we don't have school tomorrow, we're going to be serving it around 11:30, in front of the Mission."
"A lot of people are going to be happy to hear that," Bear said. "I'll get on the grapevine in a few minutes, you should expect a big turnout."
"That's what we're hoping for," Golden Hawk said.
"I should have known you're a cutie patootie underneath that mask," a light skinned black woman in her early 30s said, as she poured Golden Hawk a cup of coffee, and poured herself one. She was tall and slender, with brown eyes, and black hair that was streaked with purple. She was wearing a heather gray sweatshirt worn off the left shoulder, Capri length slim cut blue jeans, and white canvas slip-on sneakers.
"Hi Ashanti," Golden Hawk said. "Good to see you."
"Good to see you," Ashanti said, giving Golden Hawk a hug. "So Bear," she said, noticing Artemis, "when did you get a cat?"
"Artemis is actually with me," Golden Hawk said. "He belongs to a friend of mine."
"Haven't seen you around as much in the last couple months," Ashanti said. "Not since you cast your lot with Sailor Moon."
"But I still make it out here every once in a while," Golden Hawk said.
"So what brings you to the Palace today?" Ashanti asked.
"A cup of the best coffee in the 714," Golden Hawk said. "As well as some good conversation."
"You mean, you want to know if anything's going on," Bear asked. "Things have been a little quiet and problem free around here lately. And I don't know if you've heard, but Candyman is no longer with us."
"I'm so sorry," Golden Hawk said.
"Don't be," Ashanti said. "He's not dead."
"He moved to Arizona last week," Bear said. "His mom lives in a suburb of Phoenix, one of her friends hired him for a good job."
"He'll be living with his mom for a while," Ashanti said, "but that's just so he can save up some money. From what he said, the job he got pays well."
"That's good," Golden Hawk said. "Anyways, Ashanti, I don't know if you heard me tell Bear, but some friends and I are making a big pot of beef stew for tomorrow, like Sister Betty used to. We're going to be serving it in front of the Mission at 11:30."
"Haven't had beef stew since that Zoicite creep murdered Sister Betty," Ashanti said. "You can bet your ass I'll be there. And I'll be sure to pass the word around. You should get a pretty big turnout."
"That's what I'm hoping for," Golden Hawk said, as he finished his coffee. "A big turnout."
"Anyways," Bear said, "Everything's pretty calm around here."
"It could just be the calm before the storm," Ashanti said.
"That's what I'm afraid of," Golden Hawk said. "I hate to drink and run, but my gut's telling me to check in with Jackrabbit Slim."
"It's good to see you again," Bear said.
"Don't be a stranger," Ashanti added.
Golden Hawk went to Jackrabbit Slim's campground, where Jackrabbit Slim was lighting a campfire. "I'm about to make some s'mores," Jackrabbit Slim said. "You want one?"
"Sure," Golden Hawk said.
"Just give it a few minutes," Jackrabbit Slim said. "I want to have a nice roaring fire to roast marshmallows in."
As Jackrabbit Slim lit the campfire, Zoicite showed up. "Zoicite!" Golden Hawk said. "The shit just hit the fan," he said, into his communicator.
"That's Zoicite?" Jackrabbit Slim asked. "That Nancy boy? So what are you going to do to me, Zoicite, hit me with your purse?"
""Oh I am going to enjoy this," Zoicite said, pointing his black crystal at Jackrabbit Slim. "Alex Phillips, or, as they call you on the street, Jackrabbit Slim. You have something I want."
"Like I told that faggot Jaedite before my friends wasted his pansy ass," Jackrabbit Slim said, "I don't have the Legendary Silver Millennium Crystal."
"Actually, you kind of do have it," Golden Hawk said. "Part of it, that is."
"Golden Hawk is correct," Zoicite said. "Although you weren't aware of it until just now, you possess the Violet Rainbow Crystal."
"Violet Rainbow Crystal?" Jackrabbit Slim asked.
"Eons ago," Golden Hawk said, "Queen Serenity of the Moon Kingdom split the Legendary Silver Millennium Crystal into seven Rainbow Crystals, and in each Crystal, she sealed one of the Seven Great Beasts of Hell. The Rainbow Crystals were reborn into seven people. Actually, seven people and a cat."
"That doesn't add up," Jackrabbit Slim said.
"The Indigo Rainbow Crystal was reborn in a pair of what you would call Siamese twins," Zoicite said. "Two sisters who were born physically joined to one another."
"I am the Pretty Soldier of Love and Justice," Sailor Moon said, as she arrived. "I am Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"
"I am Sailor Mercury, the Pretty Soldier of Love and Intelligence, and in the name of Mercury, douse yourself in water and repent!"
"I am Sailor Mars, the Pretty Soldier of Love and Passion, and in the name of Mars, you will go down in flames!"
"I am Sailor Venus, the Pretty Soldier of Love and Beauty, and in the name of Venus, you're going down!"
"I am Sailor Jupiter, the Pretty Soldier of Love and Courage, and in the name of Jupiter, you'll ride the lightning!"
"I am Golden Hawk, the Heavy Metal Suburban Vigilante of the 1980s, and in the name of all that is awesome and wicked cool, I'll kick your ass!"
"We done with the introductions?" Zoicite asked. "If so, let's get this over with."
"Get what over with?" Jackrabbit Slim asked.
"This," Zoicite said, pointing the black crystal at Jackrabbit Slim. A beam of energy was shot from the black crystal, opening a hole in his chest, and the Violet Rainbow Crystal came out. Before Zoicite could do anything, Golden Hawk grabbed it. He then grabbed a pellet from a pouch on his belt, and tossed it to the ground, which caused him to disappear in a puff of smoke.
"Guess we're on our own," Sailor Mars said.
"I wouldn't say that," Golden Hawk said, as he reappeared in a puff of smoke. "I just had to put the final Rainbow Crystal in a safe place for the moment."
"Let's do this," Sailor Moon said, as Jackrabbit Slim was transformed into a green anthropomorphic rabbit in a space suit, similar to Jaxxon from the Star Wars comics published by Marvel in the late 1970s.
"Sorry to have to do this, friend," Golden Hawk said, unsheathing his tonfas, and channeling energy through them, firing at what was Jackrabbit Slim, "but I have to do what I have to do. And if you can hear me in there, I just want you to know I have my power levels dialed pretty low, you can say I have my blasters set on stun. I don't want to harm or kill you, just slow you down just enough for Sailor Moon to turn you back into yourself."
"Moon Healing Escalation!" Sailor Moon said, pointing her Moon Stick at the large green rabbit, and firing a crescent shaped beam of white energy at it, turning it back into Jackrabbit Slim.
"I believe it's time for me to make my exit," Zoicite said.
"I don't think so," Golden Hawk said, holding all 7 Rainbow Crystals in his hand. "I'm guessing whoever you work for doesn't tolerate failure, and if you show up empty handed, it might end up being the last thing you ever do. But if you were to show up with all seven..."
"Metalia will reward me for my success," Zoicite said.
"That's why I have a little proposition for you," Golden Hawk said. "You and me, one on one, mano y mano. If you accept, there's only one rule."
"And that is?" Zoicite asked.
"Whoever dies first," Golden Hawk said, surrounding the Rainbow Crystals in a force field, "loses. I put an enchantment around them, so only you or I can touch them, but only if one of us dies. If you accept, you can't lose."
"How do you figure that out?" Zoicite said.
"Either you die or you take all seven crystals to Metalia," Golden Hawk said. "Either way, you'll escape her wrath."
"I accept your challenge," Zoicite said.
UNTIL NEXT TIME...
OUR NEXT EPISODE: DEATH MATCH