SAILOR MOON: 1987
NAOKO TAKEUCHI, THE CREATOR OF SAILOR MOON IS NOT ME.
EPISODE 29: SAILOR EARTH
MARCH 8, 1987
SAILOR SOLDIER HQ, 6:30 PM
"So what do Usagi Tsukino, Ami Andersen, Mary Ann Kino, and Usagi's cousin have to do with this secret?" Molly Hogan asked, as the pizzas arrived.
"Because the secret John, Mina, and Rae want to share with you," Luna said, "Usagi, Ami, Mary Ann, and Chibi-Usa are also involved."
"John, did your cat just say something?" Molly asked.
"No," John said.
"I'm not John's cat," Luna said.
"I'm John's cat," Artemis said. "My name is Artemis."
"And I'm Diana," she said. "I'm their kitten from the future."
"And I'm not actually Usagi's cousin," Chibi-Usa said. "I'm the daughter she and John are going to have in the future."
"Did anyone bother checking the expiration dates on those bottles of Yoo-Hoo we were drinking between sets?" Molly asked.
"I know you've heard of Golden Hawk, Sailor Moon, and the Sailor Soldiers," Usagi said.
"Yeah," Molly said. "I mean, who hasn't?"
"Pretty Soldier of the Moon, Make-Up!" Usagi said, transforming into Sailor Moon.
"Pretty Mercury Soldier, Make-Up!"
"Pretty Mars Soldier, Make-Up!"
"Pretty Venus Soldier, Make-Up!"
"Pretty Jupiter Soldier, Make-Up!"
John disappeared, and almost immediately reappeared, transformed into Golden Hawk. "I am the heavy metal suburban vigilante for 1987. My name is Golden Hawk, and in the name of all that is awesome and wicked cool, I will kick your ass!"
"Holy shit!" Molly exclaimed, as Luna noticed the symbol for Earth momentarily appear on her forehead.
"I don't believe it either," Luna said.
"You don't believe what?" Molly asked.
"You're one of us," Luna said.
"One of you?" Molly asked.
"Don't tell us Molly is a Sailor Soldier," John said.
"I'm just as surprised as anyone," Luna said.
"How can I be a Sailor Soldier?" Molly asked.
"We don't know," Artemis said. "Osakanaru, the Guardian Princess of Earth, sacrificed herself during the final battle."
"Or so we thought," Luna said. "I just saw the symbol for Earth on your forehead.
"You mean," Molly said, "I'm one of you?"
"Looks like it," Luna said, materializing a transformation pen in Molly's hand, topped with the symbol for Earth. "Hold the pen up, and say "Earth Power, Make-Up!" to transform."
"Might as well do what the nice talking kitty-cat says," Molly said. "Maybe if I do, this dream may start to make sense, or something. Earth Power, Make-Up!"
"I don't believe it," Luna said, as Molly transformed. She wore a costume similar to the ones worn by the other Sailor Soldiers, but in maroon with teal as an accent color.
"Is everyone else here having the same hallucination?" Molly said, looking at herself in the mirror. She wore a costume similar to the ones worn by the other Sailor Soldiers, with maroon collar, tights, and sleeves, teal neckerchief with maroon clasp and teal boots, and the gem in her tiara was maroon, and her fingernails were polished maroon. "This is a lot to take in for one day," Sailor Earth said.
"Tell me about it," John said, transforming back from Golden Hawk. "I've been fighting alongside the girls from the beginning, and I still don't know exactly where I fit into things."
"You just took our battle as your own," Luna said. "Encountering you was serendipity. As far as we know, the only thing connecting you to the Moon Kingdom was that you were host of one of the Seven Great Beasts that were sealed inside the fragments of the Legendary Silver Millennium Crystal."
"But that doesn't mean you're any less a part of the team," Usagi said, transforming back from Sailor Moon. "We know we can always count on you when the going gets rough."
"And you've been training me in how to be a hero," Chibi-Usa said, transforming from Sailor Chibi Moon. "You taught me being a hero is more than having powers, putting on a costume, or kicking bad guy butt. You taught me that a real hero does what he or she can to make the world better than when he or she found it."
"A lesson you taught all of us," Ami Andersen said, transforming from Sailor Mercury.
"But that doesn't mean you don't kick bad guy butt," Mina Webb said, transforming from Sailor Venus.
"You have been at it longer than any of us," Mary Ann Kino said, transforming from Sailor Jupiter.
"That's what you brought to the table in the beginning," Rae Hinowski said, transforming from Sailor Mars. "Experience."
"But until you girls came along," John said, "I just went against bank robbers, muggers, and common street thugs. Not monsters, great beasts, or demons from Hell, just your average, garden variety street trash."
"Even when you were a great beast yourself?" Artemis asked.
"Don't remind me," John said. "I know I have Red Tail under control now, but I don't like the fact Zoicite tried to use me for his own evil ends. Anyways, I may have taught all of you how to be true superheroes, but I got something from each of you. Usagi, you've never shown me anything but kindness, even when, as Nick Lowe sang, "You gotta be cruel to be kind". Ami, you show me wisdom beyond your years. Mina, your love for life is more infectious than chicken pox. Rae, whenever I felt like I didn't really belong, you've been there to remind me that I do. Mary Ann, you remind me that when life knocks you down, you get up, dust yourself off, and get back in the scrap. Chibi-Usa, whenever I look at you, I'm reminded that I have a bright future ahead of me. And Molly, you not only made me a better guitarist, but you also taught me it's not about how talented I am, but how playing makes me feel alive."
"Lobo the Oracle to Gōrudenhōku," Gregory Wolf said over John's communicator.
"This is Gōrudenhōku," John said.
"I sense something about to go down at Meltebeke Volkswagen," Gregory said. "I don't know exactly what yet, but I do know whatever it is will require the services of the Sailor Soldiers."
"We're on it," John said.
"When did Gregory Wolf get a Sailor Communicator?" Usagi asked.
"He didn't," John said. "He must have used his precognitive abilities to figure out that I have my communicator patched into my CB radio. I don't really know him all that well, but I know if he thinks something's serious enough for him to give us the heads up, we need to check it out. Anyways, for the benefit of anyone who isn't familiar with the location, it's on the corner of La Habra and Harbor, across the street from Pic-N-Save and Arthur's Coffee Shop, kitty-corner from Burch Ford."
"Pretty Soldier of the Moon, Make-Up!"
"Mercury Power, Make-Up!"
"Mars Power, Make-Up!"
"Venus Power, Make-Up!"
"Jupiter Power, Make-Up!"
"Pretty Soldier of the Future Moon, Make-Up!"
"Earth Power, Make-Up!"
"Let's Rock and Roll!"
They found themselves in La Habra, behind Meltebeke Volkswagen, arriving just as a black 1965 Volkswagen Beetle pulled into the driveway of the house on the corner, behind a burger place. A teenage male, wearing a courtesy clerk uniform from Hughes Market, got out of the car, just as something streaked across the sky, and landed nearby. "Hey you guys," he said to the team, "whatever that was, by my best guess, it landed in the vacant lot on La Habra, next to Stop-N-Go."
"Thanks Jeff," Sailor Venus said.
"How did she know my name?" Jeff said, as Golden Hawk teleported to the lot, while everyone else ran.
"How did who know your name?" a woman, who was Jeff's mom, asked.
"Sailor Venus," Jeff said.
"Which one is she?" Jeff's mom asked.
"The blonde with the red bow in her hair," Jeff said.
"Nah, it can't be her," Jeff's mom said. "Or could it be...?"
Meanwhile, at the vacant lot, Golden Hawk and the Sailor Soldiers arrived, and saw a small spacecraft, resembling a rocket from a 1950s science fiction TV show, had landed. The spaceship raised itself on telescoping landing legs, and a pair of aliens appeared from the bottom. Although both aliens were completely nude, Golden Hawk and the Sailor Soldiers were unable to determine whether they were male or female, due to the fact they showed no outward physical characteristics of male or female, and didn't have any external genitalia, and were the same height. In fact, both had straight hair cut to just above shoulder length in identical styles. The most unusual thing about the aliens was the fact they were joined to one another back to back, from shoulders to waist. The only physical difference between the two of them was that one had teal hair, the other had fuchsia hair. Although they made what sounded to Golden Hawk and the Sailor Soldiers to be nonsense sounds, it was obvious the aliens were arguing with one another. Sailor Mercury pressed her right earring, and her right ear was surrounded by a blue plastic capsule, with a small microphone coming out of it. She made noises similar to the ones the aliens were making, and the aliens ceased their argument, and Sailor Mercury began having a conversation with the aliens, in their own language. She mostly had a conversation with the teal haired alien, the fuchsia haired one occasionally saying something. After about a minute, Sailor Mercury materialized a small QWERTY keyboard on her left wrist. She inputted some information, and after a few seconds, something appeared on her visor. She said something to the aliens, which they accepted. They both took turns shaking Sailor Mercury's hand, got back in their spaceship, and blasted off.
"What just happened?" Golden Hawk asked.
"You're not going to believe this," Sailor Mercury said, "but they got lost trying to find the Harinan Cluster. I just told them to turn left at Saturn, and it's just a couple parsecs past Jendel. Good thing I had a universal translator, those things come in handy sometimes."
"I'll say," Golden Hawk said. "If you have any more of those universal translator doohickeys, I want one for myself. Just imagine if we had come in guns blazing, we would have wasted a couple innocents who just stopped to ask for directions. Chibi Moon, that's your lesson for today."
"I get it," Chibi Moon said, as they teleported back to their headquarters. "Ask questions first, shoot later."
"If they shoot first," Golden Hawk said, transforming back to John McCoy, "don't hesitate to return fire. But always let the other guy make the first move. Sure, I admit sometimes I act like an alpha male and get all macho violent and hyper aggressive, shooting first and asking questions to the survivors later, but only when the situation warrants. Personally, I prefer to solve my problems without having to resort to violence. And another thing," he continued, looking at Mina, as everyone transformed back into their civilian identities, "as far as secret identities are concerned, the operative word is secret. Be very careful what you say to civilians. You're all surrounded by auras that protect your secret identities, but if you say the wrong thing to someone, you know, like calling someone who has never seen us in the flesh before by name, if that person were to have two or more functioning brain cells to rub together, they might put two and two together and figure out your identity. Yes, Mina, I'm talking to you. So how do you know Jeff anyways?"
"He's my cousin," Mina said. "I trust him, he won't go blabbing it all over town. But, just in case, as soon as I get home, I'll have my mom call his parents."
UNTIL NEXT TIME...
OUR NEXT EPISODE: THE MAKING OF A HERO