Chapter 2: A Letter To Hermione

"Dear Hermione,

I'm sorry I did not get to say good-bye to everyone before the summer holidays, but I was not particularly able. I'm sure that you are curious about what happened. I'm alive, which I am not sure is completely good. I got suspended from Quidditch for a year, grounded for the entire summer, and I had to clean up the glorious mess we made. Knowing you, you have a few words of wisdom and reproach for me. Which brings me to my difficult purpose in writing this letter to you.

When I came to Hogwarts, I was a different person, and people were so quick judge me according to some of my less desirable characteristics. I was too happy to drive them away, too happy to be left alone. Alone where I was secure. But, you did not do those things the others did. To this day I do not understand why, because I was a horrid git to you. You gave me the chance that nobody else did. You, literally, slapped me into reality. I am grateful for that, but I don't believe I deserved it. You might have been wrong about me. I don't think you will care for me too much after reading this letter. I think my true nature is to be a 'high and mighty, manner, pureblood git'.

Because of this, I want to apologize for what happened that night. Everything I did was considerably irresponsible and inappropriate. What we did, we should not have done, or, rather, I should not have done it to you. Had we not been under the influence of numerous things, it never would have happened. Our minds were not with us. We both have better sense than that. That kiss was a mistake, and I'm sorry. I just don't know if I am really capable of that kind of emotion. I just cannot pretend to be something that I am not.

-Sage"

Sage folded up the letter and sealed it in a midnight blue wax. The parchment easily folded within his fingers. Aries nipped at his fingers as he did so, he was eager to fly. Sage wished his life was so simple. He wished he were an owl. His mind was so cluttered.

He tied the letter to Aries and watched the owl fly off jubilantly. He thought about the letter. He wasn't prepared for what had happened. It scared him, everything about it scared him. It was not that he did not like the kiss, because he had liked it. His mind was too full to deal with anything more and that kiss could bring implications that he was not ready to deal with.

His life was already difficult to deal with.

He needed her to just be there, even if he wasn't up to sorts, as he as sure he would not be in too good of a temper anytime in the near future. Nobody could go where he needed to go in the future. Nobody should have to deal with the implications of what he was.

He pushed his black hair back out of his face. He knew that her mind had not been in the right place, and he wanted to make things right for her. She did not need an attachment to someone who had little emotion to share. She did not need him, and he wasn't good for her. He could not be selfish knowing that it would only hurt her in the end. It did not matter what he wanted. He was dead already.

Hermione sat by the window in her room, looking out over the treetops. She had left Hogwarts for the summer and she felt incredibly alone. She had never had so many people around her constantly, and now she missed them all. She missed Harry and Sage. She was so confused about him. He was so mysterious, sometimes bitter, sometimes stoical, always reserved, always quick with sarcasm, and incredibly hard to read. Sage was a challenge. Harry and Ron were simple next to him. Nothing about their friendships had she ever questioned. Harry and Ron would always be there.

Her emotions about him confused her. It was so easy to feel hurt by him, but there were moments she truly enjoyed his company. So many things about him irritated her or made her want to change him, but there were other things that she found alluring. Her own thoughts that night when they kissed felt foreign. Did she really feel that or did she just think that because of the smoking. Did she really find his hair silky, his arms strong, his smell comforting? Or was it all a lie created by alcohol and drugs. Did he do all of that on purpose?

Never had she ever thought she would receive her first kiss from him. She had never thought about kissing him. Why had she kissed him, or had he kissed her first? Would he ignore it or would he want more because of it. Her stomach was doing flip-flops. She wasn't ready for this, for these confusing thoughts. She liked him, that she knew, but did she like him like that? Did she even know him that well? Did she know him enough to know if he was genuine or just in it for himself? Her mind was reeling. She kneaded her hands together.

Aries had begun tapping his beak on her window before she jumped out of her reverie and noticed him. Elation rose up inside of her. Elation? She didn't feel like that when she got letters from Ron and Harry. She quickly untied the letter from Aries, too quickly.

She shook her head as she read, mentally chiding him for getting himself into such trouble. She smiled. She did have a few select words to say to him about being irresponsible.

Her brow became more and more furrowed as she continued to read. I stopped sounding like Sage, well, it sounded more like Sage had when he first came to Hogwarts. It sounded to her like he was trying to push her away. Did he just kiss her for fun? Her heart felt like it was about to stop. What was wrong with him? Had he just been acting the whole time? She picked up a quill from her desk and pulled out a piece of parchment.

"Dear Sage,

What you wrote does not sound like you at all. What's wrong? I don't believe that you really think you are a bad person. I don't believe that you are what you were when I first met you last year. You are not the same person anymore. I also don't believe that you have no feelings. You have emotions. Don't deny yourself that.

I'm not upset about the kiss, so you do not need to apologize. It was not your fault. Your friendship means a lot to me. I'm worried about you, about the way you sound. I hope that you are all right. I hope that this isn't all because of your uncle, Sage. He must have been so mad at you about what happened. You should not let that push you down. Don't let him force you into being something he wants you to be and that you are not. Regardless, you are not going to push me away.

Best, Hermione"

Sage frowned at the response. She wasn't even angry. He clenched his teeth, his jaw firmly set. He took up his quill and wrote quickly before he decided he couldn't do it.

Hermione slammed the piece of parchment down on her desk after she finished reading.

"Hermione-

This has nothing to do with my uncle. He did not and is not forcing me to be something that I am not. I allowed you to do that to me, and I cannot be what you want me to be anymore. Neither of us needs that. As to the last line of your letter. We'll see if you feel the same way when we return to school."

She covered her face with her hands and felt them suddenly covered with hot tears. What happened to him? Why was he acting like this? She did not understand why she wasn't mad. She didn't understand what she was feeling. If he could be such an asshole, why did she even care about him. Why did it matter? Perhaps she simply did not have the understanding or the experience to know what is was she was feeling, because she certainly did not recognize it.

Then again, neither did he.

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