Being left to babysit Eric, maybe I should change my mind. After all, his mom wasn't even home, so what was I doing thinking that I could get along with the kid who fed me my parents?

"Thank you so much for babysitting little Eric, Scott." His mom said to me. "All his other babysitters won't come back."

And I knew why.

"That's okay." I said. "I don't realize how lucky having a brother is since I never knew I had one, so I want to see what it's like."

Because at least I was getting charged.

"Well, alrighty then. That sounds lovely." She had said. "I'm going to a party. My number is on the refrigerator if anyone needs me. Eric's snooky time is nine o clock sharp. If he gets cranky, then rub his tummy. And don't mind the cat."

"Okay." I said.

Rub his tummy? Even if I was going to do that to Eric, I wouldn't.

While I was ordering pizza, Eric was sitting on the couch like a fat tub of lard watching television. The cat was meowing and pretty much did that all the time during the night.

"Okay, muffin. Mommy's leaving now. You do what the babysitter tells you, okay?"

"Okay." Eric said as he flipped the channels.

"Be good." She said.

"Right." He scoffed.

What a spoiled brat. His parents weren't dead like mine were. Yet he was taking everything for granted. Wait. I remembered what his mother had told him, that he had to do what the babysitter told him. His mom had given him kisses before she left which he did back in return as I tried to hide my laugh.

"Bye, kids." She said.

Then his mom left. And I was alone with Eric.

"So, Scott." He said to me while he was on the couch and I had walked up to him. "I suppose you've already gotten back at me, right? Heh."

"Yeah, yeah." I lied. "I just want to put it in the past."

"Great. Me too." He said.

Then, unexpected, I punched him into the wall.

I heard an, "Ow!"

It had left an impact on the wall and paint had fallen off.

"Alright, Eric. Listen up." I said to him.

He turned around to face me, scared.

I continued. "Now that your mom is gone, I'm in charge. I don't know how you treat your other babysitters, but when I'm babysitting, you're nothing but a fat piggy."

His mouth opened wide. "You can't hit me, Scott. Besides, I thought we were past this."

"Well, I lied." I told him.

Then I hit him again. I sent him into the wall again. Because there could always be more revenge.

There was a ring on the door next and I went over to go get the pizza.

"Here's your pizza, Eric." I said to him after I had shut the door. "My girlfriend is coming over, so you better not do anything that will make me want to snap you in half. Okay?"

"You're sure doing something that makes me want to snap you in half." He said under his breath.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Heh. Nothing." He said nervously. "I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Scott. Besides, you're not allowed to have people over while you're babysitting me!"

"Well I do." I said. "And you better not tell her anything about that time at the chili con carnival. And I am, because I'm in charge of you, little piggy."

"Fine, fine." He huffed. "I won't say a word. And goddammit, stop calling me that!"

After I got out of the mental hospital, and came back to South Park, I had avoided Eric at all cost until his mother called me and said she needed me to babysit him. That she wanted to tell me she was sorry for lying to us and Eric about who his father was, because maybe if he had known then this whole thing wouldn't have happened, because all he wanted to know for a period of time was who his father was.

Now he wished he never knew, because problems were starting to arise in the house again, but the stupid asshole deserved it. He was the devil, after all. I couldn't believe I was half-brothers with a devil! Oh God. He started chewing on the pizza then, while I wondered if his fat little but deserved it. How could he eat as if he deserved to?

I was waiting for my girlfriend to come over. I was calling her on the phone until she arrived.

"Stupid little piggy." I said to her through the phone. "You're not gonna believe this! One time, my brother bought pubes from a guy and glued them onto his face because he thought you didn't have to grow them yourself!"

She laughed. My girlfriend was also a ginger, and it wasn't because gingers belonged to each other or anything, but because it was hard for ginger guys to date other races. I didn't know why, but all because Eric Cartman started a rumor that gingers had no souls. I did have a soul, because it wasn't like I wanted to eat my parents.

"Hey! I need to use the phone!" I heard Eric whine from the other side of the house.

"Hold on one second, babe." I said.

Then I went over to Eric and put his underwear over his head.

"Hey! That's what my other babysitter did!" Eric whined.

Yeah, I know. I got the idea from her." I laughed.

"Wait, Shelly told you to put my underwear over my head?" He asked.

"Maybe." I laughed again.

"Well, I'm gonna get you, Scott. Mark my words." He said. "I thought we could be friends, brothers, even, but I guess not."

"Yeah. I guess not." I said.

Eric went back to watching the TV, because what else was a fat kid going to do? I walked over to him and gave him another punch. It was easy to beat up Eric, because he was more of the manipulative type instead of physical abuse.

"Hey! I was watching the TV!" He whined.

"I don't care." I said.

He was watching the TV while my parents were still dead. Then the doorbell rang. Must be my girlfriend.

So I went over to answer the door after I made sure I didn't have any food in my teeth after eating the pizza and sure enough my girlfriend was standing there.

"Hey, babe." I said.

Eric had walked up to the door next. "Who's this?" He asked.

"That's my boyfriend." The girl said.

"Oh my god. There's two gingers in my house now." He said.

"Yeah, so get over it." I said. "Little piggy said gingers have no souls, but we do have souls, don't we, babe?"

"Yes." She said.

"Dude." Eric said. "You're not gonna like it when my mom finds out your girlfriend was invited over! Then she'll get mad and you'll never babysit me again."

"Well, is Shelly still babysitting you?" I asked.

"Yes." He said.

"Then I've got nothing to worry about, piggy." He said.

"Okay, seriously. You're pissing me off." He said. "There just better not be any action in my house. Yuck. How long have you guys known each other?" He asked.

"Two weeks." She said.

Then we kissed as the chubby looked at us.

"Beat it, Eric." I said to him. "You call your mom on us and I'll just get revenge."

"Yeah, well, what you did wasn't as worse as what I did." He said.

"What does he mean, babe?" She asked.

"Nothing, babe." I assured her.

Then we went over to the couch and I played the guitar in front of her.

Eric came up to us and took a picture.

"What the-"

He cut me off. "Haha! This is what I did to my old babysitter when she had her boyfriend over. Now when my mom sees this picture, she's not gonna invite you over again!"

Now I need to get rid of the picture.