So we back in the mine.

12:47 AM - A Morgue near Delhi, India

A mysterious package was left on the doorstep of the morgue. It was a regular-looking cardboard box, double-wrapped in duct-tape and stamped with a single ampersand. The nightguard on watch walked up to the package in question and took it inside to review the contents. Quickly slicing open the packaging, the guard peered inside to find…

"LARTE!" A tall, bloody man emerged from the parcel, eyes bloodshot, with a large wound in the middle of his chest, screaming bloody murder. Speaking of blood, the liquid was pooling inside the box and soaking through the bottom, creating an ever-growing puddle beneath the guard's feet. Being used to dealing with cadavers, the guard wasn't squeamish at the sight of blood. What did scare the living daylights (or nightlights in this case) out of him was the fact that said cadavers usually arrived at the morgue, you know, dead. So in a panic, the guard brought a small handgun to bear and shot the "corpse" several times. 6 times in the body, twice in the head. 6 hours later, the man would awaken once again with a shout and scared the nearby surgeons attempting to perform an autopsy on him. So in another panic, one of the surgeons stabbed the tall man in the neck with a scalpel. It was a long day at the morgue.

Meanwhile - The Rereaders' Lair

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!"

"GODDAMMIT!"

"OH JAH!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Another day in the lair. There was yet another argument, once again concerning the holiest of holy maidens, Orsola Aquinas. What was it about? Well her cup size, of course. You see it all started when one of them, wearing a red cloak, made an off-handed comment about how he would love to be smothered in Orsola's 'double-Ds' and that her 'dragons' were perfect. Of course, one of the others spoke up, screaming about how she was 'an E at the very least. I wouldn't be surprised if she was bigger!' Things escalated when another decided to back up 'Red' by pulling a stone shiv on 'E', and everything else went from there. Luckily no one suffered any major injuries, save for shattered pride, and things went back to how they were after a quick clean up.

"The One Above God? That is what I hear it is called."

"Hey, doesn't Kamijou translate into 'The One Above God' or something like that?"

"Yeah. I mean, the word for 'God' is in his name."

"Speaking of Kamijou…" Everyone's heads turned to face the source of the voice.

"Oh no…" The rest of the room sighed instantly.

"Hear me out! You know how Kamijou is our supposed 'protagonist' of this story, right?" This degenerate said. Emblazoned on his cloak was a Yagatarasu, the famed 3-legged raven. Raven feathers also decorated various parts of his cloak as well. There was also a patch of a pigeon somewhere on the article of clothing, but this particular rereader had that covered over, quite poorly, with a piece of cloth. The rest of the readers tentatively nodded.

"Then this poses the question…"

Silence.

"Why isn't there more hentai of him?"

Silence.

"I mean, look at him! He's the main character! Wouldn't it be fun to see him get it on with the rest of the guys?"

Silence.

"Personally, I'm more a Tsuchimikado guy myself, but I have to say I'm partial to Accelerator too! But we're also forgetting about Stiyl. And Aogami. And…"

Throughout the world, various members of the male gender felt sharp, stabbing pains directed at their masculinity. Some reacted violently, while others quietly sobbed, while one particular blue-haired felt a feeling of ecstasy fill him. Meanwhile, the air around the rereaders started to shriek as the aura in the air began to tighten. The blood roared in their ears as "Raven" continued his rant. It kept knocking. And knocking. And knocking. And pounding. And knocking. Let it in. Let it in. Let. It. In.

They couldn't take it anymore.

Rushing the ranting nutcase, "Red" proceeded to grab a machete from within his cloak and stab the offender several times, who despite the literal fountains of blood pouring from several gaping wounds continued to laugh in a last form of martyrdom. If he was to die, he would educate the world of the wonders of Touma x Tsuchimikado doujins! Needless to say, death came in the form of a powerful downward strike of Red's machete.

And the water went still.

Shaking the blood from his weapon and sheathing it, the group proceeded to pick up and drag the corpse into the corner of the room, leaving a messy trail of red along the floor. Sighing, one of the members, who wore a fashionable top hat instead of the usual garbs, merely snapped his fingers, and the blood and other viscera on the ground quickly disappeared. That's when Raven's corpse slumped down again, rearranging a pile of boxes next to him. The shifted objects revealed a hidden compartment dugout in the side of the wall. Out of curiosity, one of the degenerates padded over to the compartment. His cloak was very basic, except for a large eye sewn onto the area where his forehead would be. Wrinkling his nose at the dead body lying in the corner, before jamming a small knife in the space between the covering and the rest of the wall. Prying the portion of the wall out of the space, the rereader looked around before tensing up. He turned around slowly and walked off to the other side of the room while shaking his head. The poor guy had seen too much.

Stepping up to the challenge of revealing the truth, Red drew his machete once more and peered into the compartment. Reaching in and grabbing a half-open bag, what was revealed was a small brown sack containing several thin books, more along the lines of pamphlets. Reaching in, Red pulled one out to reveal… the half-naked body of Accelerator, Academy City's number 1 Esper. The air grew tense, so tense that you could practically reach out and take ahold of it. Suddenly, a yell emanated from the corner of the room, as Raven's corpse slowly forced itself to a standing position.

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" He yelled as a wave of killing intent washed over the other occupants of the room. Black flames erupted from his back and various items nearby began to singe just from being in the same area as this demonic beast of BL doujinshis. Gripping his machete with trepidation, Red prepared to charge when a wave of dark energy impacted him in the chest, sending him flying into the wall. Raven positioned himself protectively over the pile of doujins, the black flame purposefully avoiding singeing the hallowed texts of the forbidden fruit.

Everyone in the room prepared for mortal combat.

The Lair - 7 hours later…

"I AM LARTE!" A tall, bloody, Indian man burst through the door.

"Hi, Larte." Came the reply from everyone else. They were all lying on the ground, bruised and bloody, except for Raven, who was crying over a little pile of ashes.

Larte shrugged. Just another day in the rereaders' lair. Sighing to himself, he settled down in a chair and grabbed a book with a large number "6" on it. It always came back to reading. It always did. And none of them would ever complain.

I honestly didn't expect to write another chapter, but my… fanbase has been asking for another chapter. And another one. And another one. I'll put out a serious Raildex fic eventually, but that'll be in a bit. Once I finish NT9…

And just for context, yes this is inspired by real events. All of this is for the sake of humour and making fun of Anand.

I'm so sorry.