Hi! I'm Ellie, I'm 16 and this is my first story. I really hope you like it!! I obviously don't own Harry Potter or anything you might recognise from the series, I only own my OC.
Enjoy!
My past has tasted bitter, for years now.
So I wield an iron fist.
Grace is just weakness.
Or so I've been told.
I've been cold, I've been merciless.
But the blood on my hands scares me to death.
Maybe I'm waking up, today.
I'll be good, I'll be good.
And I'll love the world like I should.
I'll be good, I'll be good.
For all of the times that I never could...
Severus Snape woke up on the 1st of November 1981 and wished he hadn't. How could he go on now? All of it, every day, every hour, every second of being with Lily flashed through his head, causing his headache to worsen. How could he go on now he knew he would never see her red hair caught in the sunlight, or the way her hands moved through the air when she got excited about a new spell, or see those emerald green eyes look into his onyx ones and see right through the azakaban worthy walls he always had up? Although he could see those same emerald green eyes just on the face on James Potter, it would never be the same.
Harry Potter. That's the reason he was still in this hellhole that people would call 'his life'. That's why he was still fighting for this pitiful existence he'd been so graciously gifted. Well, even if everything else was lost he still knew one thing, fate hated him. And for good reason too. Who doesn't hate him? Severus Snape, forever taunted and called names throughout his 'life'. Boy, freak, Snivellus, evil, unnatural, Devils child, ugly, Death Eater, slimy snake... There were only two people in his life who hadn't hated him or used him and both were dead now. Even his current friends, if they could even be called that, where all Slytherins and used him from time to time. Lucius was probably the closest he'd get now to a true friend. And while Lucius was a good man who regretted joining the Dark Lord almost as much as himself, Lucius truly hated muggles and, consequentially, hated muggleborns to a certain degree too.
Severus hauled himself out of bed, he was never one to give up. Not even when he wanted nothing more than too close his eyes for the last time and sleep forever, he couldn't. Lily's child would need him. And he would help. No matter how much the boy would infuriate him by breaking the rules just as his blessed farther had. He would save the child from harm if he could. In the hopes that when he did finally die, Lily might be willing to listen to his apologies. Maybe it would help if he got out his guitar. His lips twitched at the thought of anyone finding out he could sing. He was just the greasy haired slimy snake, no one would think he could actually hold a tune if he wanted. He wasn't good, by any means, but he was decent. And funnily enough music had always been an escape for him. It seemed to know exactly what he was feeling, even if he didn't know it himself.
Last night he was so overcome with grief and the shock of losing Lily he'd apparated to Spinners End instead of back to Hogwarts, but as it was a Sunday and as he didn't have patrols he could have the day off. He took a quick a shower and threw on a black turtleneck and some black slacks. He opened the window and made his bed, and slipped his wand in its holster. He then made his way into the kitchen to make some breakfast. He ate his cornflakes in silence. Once he'd finished them he placed the bowl in the sink, he would wash up later, and headed upstairs to grab his guitar from under his bed, he hid it there incase Albus or Lucius came over for something. It was unlikely but better safe than sorry. He sat down on his desk chair and strummed the guitar strings until the words came along.
When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful.
Everything hour spent together,
Lives within my heart.
And when she was sad,
I was there to dry her tears.
And when she was happy,
So was I.
When she loved me.
(--:--)
Holly woke up and immediately knew something was wrong. Firstly, she was not lying on her soft memory foam bed in her small, messy room. She was lying on something hard and wet. She felt something tickling her cheek and shot up, her head regretted that immediately, due to her low blood pressure. Her vision swam for a few seconds and then she could see that she was lying in the middle of a field. Huh, that's weird. She swore she got an Uber back home with Chelsea and Ashley after midnight. Maybe they got out and she ended up passed out here? Speaking of Chelsea and Ashley where were they? Don't say they ditched her in this field! Rude. At least she still had her iPhone 7 with her. She pulled it out her hoodie pocket and checked the time. 8:34. Well, at least she still had a long time before night time took over once more.
She looked around her to see if she could see anything nearby, a village or town would be great. She was a little worried but she knew that she had maps or her phone and if she found a road and followed it she'd eventually reach a sign, she would've FaceTimed Ashley or Chelsea, but she didn't want to bother them and if they didn't make it back home either then she'd be worried about them too. So she headed towards a large town in the distance, a lot of smoke was rising from the chimneys making the town look kinda spooky, but Holly had few other options so spooky-town it was. As she was walking she pulled her airpods out of her pocket an pushed them into her ears. She opened Spotify and connected them and pressed shuffle on her liked songs.
As she approached the identical rows of terraced houses, jamming out to 'I Can Only' by JoJo and featuring Alessia Cara, she noticed a river that looked like it hadn't clean for centuries. It looked like she'd stepped back in time thirty years back to the 90's or something. Ok now she was a little more worried, she debated calling one of her friends but decided against it, she should find out where she was first. She did pull out her phone to check Google Maps however, it said she was just North-East of Leicester. How on earth did she get there? She swore she was only in Harrogate which was only half an hour away from her house. Maybe Chelsea had said the wrong thing when calling the Uber up? That was probably it. Chelsea does forget things a lot more when drunk, who doesn't?
She eventually reached the entrance to the town and finally found a sign. It said "Welcome To Cokeworth" in chipped lettering. Wow, Holly thought, really welcoming. The name Cokeworth sounded familiar and she realised that it was the town her favourite Harry Potter character, Severus Snape had grown up in. She had thought it wasn't real but acording to the sign in front of her it most definitely was. She continued on, whilst she was here maybe she could find Spinners End, she thought jokingly. That is until she crossed the fifth road and came face to face with 'Spinners End'. Okay, this was super weird. There's no way Spinners End was an actual place...right? She stared at the small sign and blinked wildly at it, somehow hoping it would disappear if she blinked hard enough. But no, it was still there. Mud stains, bent post and all, as if mocking her.
"Okay, this is super weird" she muttered to herself. She decided to head down the street, I mean, it's not like she could walk away now! She had a split second thought that maybe she was dreaming, she pinched herself harshly. Ouch. Nope definitely awake. As she cautiously headed down the street and approached the the third house on the right she heard a voice. She paused her music half way through Running With The Wolves by AURORA and listened closer. It was a masculine voice, she would guess it was a guy but she didn't want to be so insensitive. It was 2020, you can't assume people's gender like that. She recognized the words they were singing though. 'And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears' he was singing When She Loved Me from Toy Story 2, and she would know, she loved the Toy Story movies, especially as a child. When he finished the first verse something complelled her to sing with him. And ever since her 16th birthday, two years ago exactly, she had promised herself to always trust her gut. She took the airpods out and sang along.
Through the summer and the fall,
We had each other that was all.
Just she and I together,
Like it was meant to be.
And was she was lonely,
I was there to comfort her.
And I knew that she loved me.
(--:--)
When Severus heard the soft female voice floating in from the window, in perfect synchronization with his own, their voices mingling together in a perfect harmony, for a second he thought it was Lily. Somehow singing with him from the grave. Until he realised that was an idiotic thought to have and that it was obviously some random girl singing outside. Though how she knew the words he was going to sing he hadn't a clue. He hesitantly moved the curtain and moved his gaze across the view till he caught sight of a young woman, maybe 17-18 years of age, around 6"2 in height quite slim and she was dressed in some weird green hoodie with writing he couldn't make out from here, she was also wearing a pair of black shorts over some black tights and some rainbow painted shoes. She had a necklace on that looked as if it was choking her and a few colourful bracelets around her wrists.
She was also carrying a rather large, green, over the shoulder bag. There was something in her hoodie pocket as well if the rectangular shaped bulge was anything to go by. He looked up to her face and found she was staring at him like she'd seen a ghost. She had blue eyes, the colour of the sky on a summer day, dark brown hair that only just brushed her shoulders, it also had one streak of hair that had been dyed pink at the root, purple in the middle and blue at the end. Her nose was small and button shaped and she had a rather round face that vaguely resembled a monkey. He decided he should probably go down and introduce himself. He closed the window and swiftly made his way out the front door. As the door shut behind him it made a loud sound in the silence that most of Cokeworth was constantly under. She jumped at the unexpected notice and turned to him. He made his way towards her and gestured for her to explain why she was on his property.
"Sorry, Sir. I don't know why I did that. I just couldn't help it, I love the Toy Story movies. My name is Heather Ortiz but everyone calls me Holly." She looked a little flustered and sounded like her mind wasn't really on what she was saying.
He held out his hand and said " Nice too meet you, Heather. My name is Severus Snape-" She sucked in a sharp breath an then started laughing. Not just light laughing either she was almost in tears because she was laughing so hard." I'm sorry, is something funny? " he asked politely.
"Oh, you almost had me there," She exclaimed" Severus Snape, my arse. And the Cokeworth sign an the Spinners End ones too! Did you plan this?!"
"Excuse me?"Severus was very confused right now, why would she think he was joking? And why did she think the signs where his doing?
"Well you certainly play the part of Severus. You look like his spitting image, what with the black hair that frames your face, the black eyes and the crooked nose, and you certainly sound a lot like him. Is he your favourite character? He's mine!" She sounded excited now, like she'd figured something out about him and he didn't have a clue.
"I don't know what tripe you have gotten in you head. But I really am Severus Snape an I don't appreciate my identity being questioned by you!" He was starting to get angry now, why she so adamant about him not being himself? This young lady was confusing him an awful amount.
Holly was about to tell him to stop messing with her because the joke was up but she caught his completely serious expression and had the gut wrenching thought that maybe he was actually Severus. "Wait...you're not joking are you?"
"Of course not! What on earth would make you think I was joking?"
"You don't know? But how? You were one of the most important characters? Aren't you supposed to be dead?! It's 2020 not 1990!" Holly was seriously losing her mind. Had Ashley given her some drug and now she was completely tripping?? 'Cause she sure felt like she was!
"2020! Miss, are you feeling alright? Did someone give you a foreign substance?" This was officially the weirdest day in Severus' life.
"I'm thinking maybe my friend Ashley did at this point! And why where you so shocked when I said 2020? Please don't tell me I've somehow become Superman and gone back in time!"
Severus had no idea who Superman was but this woman seemed to be having a bit of a moment so he asked her if she would like to come inside. She accepted and he took her inside and sat her down on his sofa.
"Would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Maybe some juice?"Severus asked.
"If you have it could I have some orange juice please?" Holly didn't really like any hot drinks. Tea, coffee, hot chocolate. She'd never liked them, and probably never would.
"Of course, I'll be right back" He exited the room and Holly took a deep breath an took out her phone again. The time now said 9:05 so she'd been walkin for about half an hour then. Great. She opened Snapchat to check if she could still see where her friends where. Yep Ashley was in Northallerton where she lived and Chelsea was in a little village called Dalton where her elder brother, Jack, lived. Whilst she was apparently in the middle of some nightmare. She usually had nightmares about getting lost, but, meeting her heroes? Not exactly. She was just putting her phone away again as Severus, maybe-not-Severus, entered the room again but this time with a glass of orange juice in one hand and a mug of something in the other.
She took the glass from his outstretched arm and thanked him for his hospitality. She was about to take a sip from the glass when she jokingly asked him "It's not got a calming draught mixed in right?" When he heard the question, Severus almost choked on his, presumably, tea.
"Well, yes but only a mild one. I didnt know you were a witch" Holly stared blankly at him over the rim of her glass. "What. " she responded dumbly.
"You heard me correctly so I presume you are not a witch then." Holly shook her head once his statement processed itself. "How about you start by telling me the date?" She questioned.
"Of course, it is currently the 1st of November 1981."
"1981! But it can't be! When I woke up yesterday it was the 31st of October 2020! How on earth could I have gone back in time 39 years!" What! This didn't make any sense! How could it be 1981! What about her phone? Surely that would have broken had she gone back in time! And what about Ashley? And Chelsea! What about her parents and her sister, she wasn't fond of them but she still cared! And what of her cat Sage? An what of her pet snake Eli? And what of her German Shepherd called Reagan? Who will feed them? Who will let them out and show them love? And what about her life? What about her job at the Starbucks on the motorway 5 minutes away from her house? And what of her dreams? Her dream of being an actress? Or wanting to be an artist? Or running her little horse riding farm in the countryside? Was she expected to just give that up?
She didn't realise she was hyperventilating but Severus did, he quickly grabbed her glass and gently coaxed it to her lips. She swallowed a little an then some more. Eventually she was calm once more.
"I don't have any answers yet but I will help you get them, I promise." Severus told her, an he meant it. He was intrigued by her presence here. He would help her.
"Thank you, Severus. I think I'll explain a few things for you first though. To give an idea of why I reacted the way I did when first hearing your name." Good, he'd forgotten about that but he did want answers for it. "Go ahead"
"When I was around ten or eleven I read these extremely popular books it was 2013 and there was 7 books in the series and eight movies because the last one was so long it has to be split into two. Over 120 million copies of the first book sold. And thats only the first one. And there are so many people who have only seen the movies. It made history. It was written by a woman named J.K.Rowling. These books where titled the Harry Potter series."
Severus gasped. Lily's child had his own book series? How? Why? This was such dangerous information. If she knew the future of the magical world, it could tip the side of the war when the Dark Lord came back. If he got his hands on Heather here, the light side would be screwed. She was in incredible danger just by telling him this. Though better than him than someone like Albus or Lucius. Or, Merlin forbid, the Dark Lord himself.
"I actually have a couple with me now, I've got the first one 'cause I'm rereading the series, and the sixth one 'cause that's my favourite one. The numbers correlate to the year Harry is in Hogwarts." Holly reached into her bag to pull them out but Severus harshly grabbed her wrist before she could.
"Don't show them to me woman! This knowledge is extremely dangerous! This could ruin lives! And you still haven't explained how you knew what I was singing. I don't know what this Toy Story is but I've never heard of it." He let go of her wrist and gave her a look to explain this plot hole.
"When I was younger, around 9 or 10, I loved the Toy Story movies. The song you were singing is from the second film, it's where one of the toys is singing about her old owner. I actually have it saved on my phone, give me a second..." She pulled her phone back out and opened Spotify once more. She searched into her songs and clicked the one she wanted. As the song started she turned back to Severus.
When the girl reached into her pocket and pulled out the rectangular shaped object he saw earlier he was intrigued by its function, he leaned forward slightly to see the phone better. He knew what phones where of course, Lily had one in her house when they were kids. Merlin, her name was like a punch to the gut. But he couldn't focus on Lily now, he had to figure this situation out first. When he heard the soft unmistakable note of a violin coming from the phone he did a double-take, phones could play music? It had been almost 40 years but to be faced with such advanced technology form the future was astounding.
"How does that even work? Shouldn't it be malfunctioning, even just a little bit?" He asked her, blown away slightly.
"That's what I thought but everything seems to be working. Maps is ok, so is Snapchat. Even Safari is working! Hang on, I'm going to see if YouTube works. So you'll hear the start of a jacksepticeye video,"She opened YouTube up and, sure enough in her subscription feed jacksepticeye had posted a video. She clicked on it and his classic intro started playing. "Well, I guess YouTube works as well."
"In those stories, how much of me is in them?" Severus questioned. He didn't like the thought that this random stranger, and millions more in the future, knew intimate details of his life, it unsettled him.
"Well, you're in everyone of them. But you're not a main character so it's mostly dialogue rather than learning about you as a person. But as you were my favourite character so I went above and beyond to learn about you. So I know a lot. Enough to know you are probably extremely uncomfortable with me knowing so much. But you exactly change that. Unless you feel like dooming the light side by getting rid of my knowledge?" Holly knew that Harry actually killed egghead in the end but Severus didn't know that and she wasn't place in Slytherin for nothing.
"The light side loses? Oh Merlin... Well than I thank the fates for bringing you here, we might actually win then." He would be worried about revealing his true alliances to her, but due to the books, the chances were she already knew. He would also have been worried about her mentioning his death earlier, but he wasn't stupid. He knew he wasn't going to make it out of this war alive. He was a double agent, it was to be expected.
"Yes you are lucky to have me." It wasn't said in a cocky way, she just knew she could now save lives. Cedric. Sirius. Dobby. Remus. Tonks. Colin. Fred. Moody, even. Maybe Dumbledore too, if he was good. Holly had her doubts about Dumbledore's reasons for doing things.
Severus was about to reply to that comment when he noticed the writing on her hoodie and her bag. It was basically the same thing. They both stated she was on the Slytherin quidditch team. But hadn't she said she wasn't a witch? "Don't tell me the muggles made clothing and accessories to capitalize off of those books." Severus stated dryly.
"Yep, they did. I've also got a pencil case at my house an a total of 6 Harry Potter shirts. And several cups. 2 mugs, a glass and a plastic one I keep on my desk with some basic drawing tools in. I've also got a backpack that's Slytherin and I even made my own posters out of calendars that weren't useful anymore. I'm definitely not the biggest Harry Potter collector out there but I get stuff if I can." She should stop referring to it as her house as she'd probably never be going back. She'd never be going back. She'd never see Ashley or Chelsea again. Or Sage. Or Eli. Or Reagan. Or her parents. Or her sister. She'd never be a bridesmaid. Or an aunt. Where they even still alive? Or did she erase everything to happen in the next 39 years just by coming here?
"You're crying," It wasn't a question, but a statement. Severus had never been good with crying people. Or emotions in general. But he knew when people were crying you were expected to comfort them somehow. He got up and sat down next to her on the sofa. "Why are you crying? Maybe you should talk about it?" he asked as gently as he could.
"I'm just sad over the fact I'll never get to see my friends again. Or even my family. I'll never get to witness my sisters wedding or meet my niece or nephew if my sister wanted kids. I'll never get to see my parents grow old. And watch as they realise all the mistakes they made as parents. I'll never be able to teach my friends kids swear words and watch my friend go mental. I'll never get to prank my friends, or play matchmaker with my friends and their crushes. I'll never have another shift at Starbucks and serve someone the wrong drink, or misspell someone's name on their Mocha cup. I'll never pop down to the local Tesco at 6am because I need milk an then have to wait whilst they open. I'm going to miss out on so much because I'm here."She wiped the tears off of her face just for them to be replaced with new ones. She took several deep breaths. And then she had an idea.
If she could watch YouTube videos and listen to music, maybe she could FaceTime her friends? It was a foolish thing to hope for, but she couldn't help it. She loved her friends more than life itself. They'd rescued her from her family when she was 16 and they'd been inseparable ever since. She pulled out her phone and frantically opened the app. She clicked on Ashley's name. It rang for a few seconds that felt like hours to the grieving girl and then Ashley's face appeared in the screen. Holly sobbed her relief and something told her this was the last few moments she was ever going to have with her friends.
"Holly! Where'd you go? Are you ok? Did you get hurt?" Questions where flying from Ashley's mouth a mile a minute and Chelsea's worried face joined her own in the screen.
"I'm fine. Why what happened? Are you in a hospital?" Holly thought she recognised the pale blue walls behind then from her trips to her doctor and phsychologist.
"Yeah we are, we were in a car accident. Turns out the Uber driver from last night was high as a kite and he crashed us into an oncoming car. We're alright though. Apart from my broken wrist, and Ashley's shattered knee cap. We made it out with only scratches and bruises. We we're really lucky. The driver wasn't as lucky, he hit his head on something and gave himself brain damage. He also shattered one of his legs when the other car made contact. Everyone else in the other car was fine as well. Karma was only getting the driver yesterday." Chelsea explained, holding up her bandaged wrist to the phone.
"Look, guys I'm really sorry but I haven't got long left. I've only got like 10% battery left until my phone dies so I'm going to have to be quick. I love both of you so much, remember that you are worth the world and that you shouldn't have to change or suffer for anyone. Always strive to be happy, but don't be upset when you have a bad day. Stay together, protect each other. I'll be ok, I know someday I'm gonna be with you again. Don't worry about me. Live your lives to the fullest and do things you've always wanted to do. And if you have any kids that their Aunty Holly loves them. Tell my sister to be happy, and not to listen to anyone else, to go for her dreams with no hesitation. Tell my parents that I love them even if they didn't care enough to know how much, and that I'll be seeing them soon. I love you both, so much,"She was crying again. She could feel the tears pouring down her cheeks. " Look after Sage, Reagan and Eli between you and show them the love I would've if not more. And look after each other."
"Holly? You sound as if your going to be killed! Are you ok?! Is someone threating you?" Ashley sounded urgent and Holly could see the panic in her eyes even if she was trying to hide it. Chelsea was already crying her eyes out too. At least Holly wasn't the only one emotional. Ashley had tears if her eyes, but refused to let them fall, ever the Gryffindor.
"My friend, I'll say it clear. I'll state my case of which I'm certain." Holly recited.
Ashley and Chelsea gasped. They knew what that meant. One of Holly's favourite road trip songs was My Way by Frank Sinatra. "And more, much more than this, I did it my way," They recited back to her. Ashley was crying as well now. "We love you too, so much." Chelsea nodded frantically.
"Shall we..." Holly asked. "Yes." They both replied in unison. Voices wavering. And they sang. All three. Together, through everything.
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, to few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step, along the byway
And more much than this
I did it my way
Yes there where times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I've faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think, I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no not me
I did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he' has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
As the screen went black Holly let out a cry. They were gone. She'd never see them again. But she still had one thing to do before she could break down. One more line.
Yes it was my way
And as the last bit of her heart broke into two she broke down on Severus' sofa, in a town that didn't exist in a completely different time to everyone she'd ever loved.
Not gonna lie, I cried so much at the end. I hope you liked it! This took 3 days to write so hopefully I'll have chapter 2 done in less than a week. For reference the songs were I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young, and the song this story is named after. When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan from Toy Story 2 and finally My Way by Frank Sinatra. Also mentioned was I Can Only by JoJo and Alessia Cara. I love all the songs mentioned in any and all chapters of this story and I recommend you listen to any that capture your interest! Thanks for reading ️