Chapter 25: Snape Thinks Back on Another Time

Severus Thinks Back on Another Time

The Professor listened to Draco's footsteps retreating before he paced a few steps and then stalked over to Sage. Sage would have tried to move away if he had been able, but instead he just looked, bleary eyed, at the man expecting to see flames in his eyes. He would be in such trouble for this, he had compromised their situation completely. How could he have been so stupid? Nausea was mounting again. He was surprised when the flames were not there in his uncle's eyes.

"Are you all right?" The Professor asked putting a hand on Sage's shoulder. Sage shuddered.

"No, sir" He answered bitterly, pulling away. Laying his head on the garbage bin as the Professor kneeled down next to him.

Severus grabbed Sage by the shoulders and pulled him up off the garbage can.

"I did not want to hit you. I had to because of Malfoy."

"S'ok, I understand. I was pretty numb by then anyway after all that magic."

Severus's mind was rolling, Lucius Malfoy. Lucius who thinks he is the beacon of Slytherin Malfoy. I would have none of my Slytherins turn out to be the likes of him. Then his thoughts changed tracks. He's lucky he managed the focus, or else Lucius would have given him an Unforgiveable or two, or three, at once.

A few moments of silence passed before Sage looked up, "I don't feel so good." He wavered, looking as if his upper half might fall onto the floor as well. "I'm really cold, and, er, shakey."

"That was a lot of wandless magic, sustained for quite awhile for someone who has not been doing very much magic. You've been sick?" He asked, smelling quite strongly what was sitting in the trash bin a few feet away.

"Yes, sir."

Still holding Sage's shoulders, to keep him from falling headfirst on to the floor or into the bin, the normally stoical Potions master stated, "I'm proud of you, Merlin knows you had every reason to just let Draco suffer and yet you helped him. Lucius may be stupid, but he has fairly strong magic, and for you to hold him like that at this point was impressive. Perhaps you are strong enough to beat this. And apparently you and Draco have worked out your differences, he seemed rather appreciative. You could well have made yourself a good ally during this. Not very characteristic of a Gryffindor," Severus added in a mocking tone.

Sage's vision swam. Did he just hear his uncle give him an all out compliment? He must be hallucinating. Then again...

He looked up and answered, "You know as well as I do where I belong and why I am not there, sir."

The Professor felt Sage's whole body shaking with cold and hoped that he was not going to have another vision, especially after what the last one had done to him. He suddenly remembered the way he had felt when he stalking into Sage's rooms a week or so prior, trying to prove the Granger girl wrong, but she hadn't been wrong. Sage was so white that he looked as if he might have been dead, his eyes were open, but he wasn't moving or talking. Blood had been dripping down the side of his mouth, across his face. Sage must have managed to scratch or claw at himself during the vision, without the potion that temporarily paralyzed his limbs, because he had bleeding gashes all over his chest and arms.

In fact, Severus remembered exactly how he felt. It hadn't mattered how angry or aggravated he had been with Sage, he had felt devastated, perhaps even a little afraid. Afraid that he had failed his older brother again, afraid that he had failed Sage, himself, and the wizarding world that was unknowingly dependent upon the boy.

Most of all he had felt a pain in his chest and a constriction in his breath that he had not felt since his brother and Lily had died. He had thought he had lost something that important again. Seeing Sage lying there on his bed, alone, looking as if his life had ended so prematurely made Severus feel like Sage was still a little boy. It had been one of the worst experiences in his life when he had first seen Sage have a vision, shortly after Severus's mother had taken him in…

The boy was bright, Severus could not doubt or dispute that, and pleasant. No matter how mad his sister-in-law had ended up, she had stayed sane enough to bring Sage up properly with respect to manners and propriety. The seven year old boy conveyed the stature of his family quite well. Jace would have been proud of him.

It had only been about a month, and Severus was coming to find some pleasure in his trips home, nightly, to teach Sage. There were no rules or guidelines with what he did with the boy, and he enjoyed that academic freedom. Being with Sage was not trying, like it was teaching potions at Hogwarts, it was relaxing, almost enjoyable. Sage was smarter than many of his students there.

Severus would never admit it, to anyone, but he felt connected to Sage, he sympathized with him, perhaps even understood him. He remembered that years ago, before Jace's death, he had taken to his brother's son and how well the baby seemed to like Severus as well. But Severus had been a different person then… Still ignorant about what he had gotten himself involved in with the Dark Lord…He had cared for his family then, a family that did not include abuse or rebuke or blame. When he was a young man, he had been capable of a lot of love, even though he never called it that, really. He never even knew that was what people called what he was feeling, love. His connection to his brother was like Jace was an extension of himself. They had bonded through, and depended upon each other through, the worst childhood imagineable. In some unconscious way, the two of them had wanted to create a family that would not have any of that, for the baby and babies to come.

Now Severus was haunted by memories of the things that he had done, that he could never forgive himself for, and no one else would either. He was forced into solitude because of what he had become: a spy for the Order of the Phoenix. He became the person he had to enact. He was forced into bitterness and isolation because of the death that surrounded him. Everything he had ever cared for was taken away from him. The young man who had discovered a new family, had lost all of it in an instant. Jace had been murdered, Sage had been taken away, Sybein went mad, and his mother fell into depression. Jace had been like a son to her too. Then Lily was murdered. That had been the final straw for Severus. Why attach yourself to something when it will only be taken away? Why allow yourself to get hurt? Why let anyone care for you when that could mean a death sentence for them? No, one thing was for sure, as a spy he could have nothing, he could not even have himself.

So he pushed these strangely reminiscent feelings for Sage down, deep within him. Knowing that he, Severus Snape, did not need anyone and would not get hurt again, because he was incapable of those feelings anymore. Life had ruined that for him, he had ruined that for himself.

He taught Sage well, going slow enough to not overwhelm the boy, but fast enough to challenge him and be demanding of him. Severus thought it best to learn that early on, life was quite demanding and Sage could learn how to deal with that now. Tonight they were practicing Levitation, and Sage had managed to levitate a book using a gesture and using the incantation. Severus was pleased how well the boy was picking up on wandless magic. He watched Sage critically, telling him to move the book around, but not speaking as to break the boy's concentration, yet.

"All right. Well done. Set it back down then," Severus said.

Sage, watching the book intently, his brow furrowed in concentration, brought his hand down. All went well until the book slammed onto the table between the two of them.

Severus, who had been watching the book's movement, looked to Sage with words about breaking focus on his lips. But, Severus abandoned those words when he saw the look on Sage's face. Something was wrong. His face had gone white.

"Sage, what is wrong?"

When no answer came, the blood began to pump faster through his veins. Worry.

"Sage?"

The boy was beginning to sweat now, a tranced look on his face. Then without any warning whatsoever, the boy fell over onto the floor like a sack of potatoes, knocking his head on the leg of the table they had been sitting at.

Severus jumped up. Sweat forming on his own forehead. His jaw dropped open and he himself almost fell over when the boy's body started shaking violently, his limbs flailing about wildly.

"Merlin!" He exclaimed, loudly.

Pictures and screams invaded Severus's mind of muggle children and muggle-born children being tortured by Death Eaters, screetching wildly, right in front of him and there had been nothing that he could do to help them. Guilt swept over him, bile rose in his stomach. He pushed it down.

A groan from the floor brought him back and he sunk to the floor next to the boy, not entirely sure what he should do.

His mother was suddenly by his side, looking down at him with sad eyes.

"These are the visions," she said quietly, placing a hand on her son's shoulder. "There is nothing you can do Severus. It will pass. They only last a few minutes."

A sudden urge overcame him and he would not simply do nothing, he had done enough of nothing in his life when he had watched horrors like this before. He would not allow this to happen to his nephew. He grabbed the small boy around the middle and pulled him up into his chest, trying very hard to hold down the kicking and jerking arms and legs. The muscles in the boy's body were all twitching wildly, which felt like squirming snakes against his body.

"He's in pain," Severus stated, chokingly. He had never imagined anything like this happening to someone in his family. He had not been prepared. Just like he had not been prepared for Jace's murder at the hands of the Dark Lord.

His mother squeezed his shoulder. Why hadn't she told him, warned him?

"Why doesn't he cry out?" He wondered out loud.

"I don't know Severus. He had been having these for years. He must feel that it's the only thing about them he can control. His mother never helped him, she ran from it, she left him alone. The poor thing. He flinches about being touched, Severus, like he is not used to it."

Severus heard her, but it sounded faint and distant. His entire body felt pained. His muscles ached and he strained to hold the boy close to him and as still as possible.

Then, as soon as it had happened, it passed. The jerking went to quaking, then to quivering, and then to slight shaking.

After a minute the boy's eyes fluttered open and Severus would not forget anytime soon the look of fear on the boy's face when he opened his eyes. He jerked up and made a feeble, but direct, attempt to get away from Severus, moaning in surprise at the pain in his body. His mother had been right, the boy was not used to being touched, and he understood that, but inside of him he was not going to allow Sage to grow up afraid of touch like he had. Afterall the boy was in pain, should he not be comforted? Severus wasn't sure, but some strange instinct told him not to let go.

"Calm down. It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

Sage looked at him with a face full of both fury and skepticism, but finally surrendered to a sense of safety at being in Severus's arms. He was too tired and hurt to fight it.

Strangely, Sage relaxed.

He must be in pain if he is giving up that easily after that look of horror he gave me. Severus thought.

Severus made a move to get up so that he could sit on the couch with Sage, but Sage yelped at the unsuspected move.

"Dunmove sir! Hurts!"

Severus froze.

"All right then, let me know when I can move you off the floor."

But it never got to that point, Sage passed out before he felt able to be moved. Severus tried to keep his breathing regular, but he couldn't, and his heart was beating out of control. The boy's body still shaking and quivering intermittently reminded him of so many things he never wanted to remember. He had seen this happen so many times before. Even though he knew it was not true, Severus felt as if Voldemort was doing this to Sage, like Voldemort was trying to get rid of Sage just like he had murdered Jace.

The young professor pushed those thoughts out of his head, condemning himself for his weakness in dwelling on them. Slowly, he stood up and carried Sage over to the couch and sat down on it, still holding the boy.

Strangely, he hadn't really begun to think of this boy as the infant he had held so long ago. He didn't think of this boy he was teaching as his nephew, but it was. Now, he finally felt it, this was the same Sage that had been carted away from him years prior.

He looked down at the passed out seven year old, laying on him in the fetal position, his head resting lifelessly on the arms that supported him. He had grown so much it was not difficult to disremember that this was the boy whose nappies he had changed, the boy who had pulled on his trousers crying shrilly 'Unnle Sev! Up! UP!', the baby that had known nothing of the world other than that of his loving family. But that family was no more. His father was murdered and his mother took her own life. Now what did he have left of that family? Nothing really, an uncle who was not the same man anymore, not the same man with biting sarcastic humor and a sly smile. No, now he had no more sly smiles, he had traded them for evil smirks and glowers. His sarcasm had no more humor. No, the child had no happy family left, perhaps that was why the boy had turned out the way he had. Severus had already labeled the boy as reserved and cynical. Unfortunately, the last years of Sage's life had probably had as much pain and misery in them as had Severus's and Jace's younger years.

Severus sighed, there was very little he could do for him. He was not sure if he was capable of handling the responsibility of teaching the young Magi, much less of raising one. That last part he avoided.

The head on his arm, lifted up slowly. Severus looked down to see the boy aimming a questioning stare at him.

Severus raised his eyebrow in return.

Sage squirmed and tried to sit up. With one hand, he pushed the boy back down.

"Don't move, you'll only hurt yourself. Don't be thick."

The seven year old glared at him through a curtain of black hair, uncertain of what to make of the situation.

"No one has ever, er, done this before, sir," he said as his body involuntarily shook.

"Done what? Helped you when you are in pain?" Severus was slightly shocked at his nephew's statement. It was hard to believe that Sybein had never done anything to help her son.

"Yes, sir," he answered nodding slightly.

"Would you rather it stayed that way," Severus asked blandly.

It was Sage's turn to lift up his eyebrow, but his face shifted into a wince as another shudder went down his body.

"No, sir, I suppose not."

"You can call me Uncle Severus, Sage. You don't have to call me 'sir' always."

"I thought you just wanted to be my teacher, sir?"

"Well, I am your Uncle too Sage. We have to be very serious when I am teaching you, but what happened tonight is not the same."

"I don't know you," he answered narrowing an eyebrow.

"Perhaps you will in time."

That moment had marked the beginning of something that had lasted the last nine years. Severus could be cold and harsh and sarcastic, but the moment Sage had a vision, it was as if the boy was seven years old again. He could not watch the boy suffer and do nothing. It was during those times, when Sage was in the most unspeakable pain, that Severus was a good uncle.

Sage stirred slightly and Severus came out of his flashback from the past. He shook his head clear and realized that he was in the same position he had been in the memory. He was still holding one of Sage's shoulders and the Sage had either fallen down onto him, or he had put him there unconsciously, because Sage was undoubtedly passed out or sleeping against Severus's arm. He questioned whether he should wake him or not, but before he was done decided Sage woke up and sat up, looking rather disorientated.

"Did I pass out?"

Severus raised an eyebrow, "That is the only explanation I can think of."

"I think I am going to be sick again, sir."

Severus backed away and stood up, "Certainly not on me. My night has been horrid enough." He pulled the garbage can back in front of Sage.

"Why do I feel so, ugh-."

Severus raised his wand and moved Sage's hair out of the way of his mouth so that he wouldn't have dinner all over his hair.

"You're in such a horribly physical and mental state, your body cannot handle that kind of power very well. It would be like running a Maratron, Mathraton, Muggle race, without eating or training," Severus answered pulling him off the garbage can once more.

"I'll empty the garbage can later, sir."

The Professor shook his head, "Sometimes I believe you forget the breadth of spells you know, or even that you are a wizard." He pointed his wand at the trash can, letting Sage's hair fall back into his face and muttered, "Evanesco."

Sage raised an eyebrow at him wearily. "I'm lucky I can see straight at the moment, sir."

Severus reached down a long arm and offered Sage and arm up. Sage took it and was hoisted up with ease, feeling more than a bit dizzy about standing.

"Come on then, some anti-nausea potion will do you well, I believe. Then some tea and a bit of food, since you have such poor eating habits to start and just lost all your dinner."

Sage looked quite drunk trying to find his footing and before they had made it three steps out of the office, Severus had to grab Sage by the back of his robes to keep him from falling over.

PLEASE LEAVE ME A NOTE IF YOU ARE ENJOYING IT!

MCMish – wow, 100, great. Thanks for your great review. I never thought of how similar the Harry – Snape thing in OotP and the Sage – Snape thing in this. Now I do kind of see it, but being compared in any way to JKR is shocking! I am not worthy, by no means. Hee hee. Anyhoo Thanks for reading and reviewing, you always say more than just good job and that makes it helpful and inspiring. THANKS.

VD – I am glad that you liked it. Sorry about your sickness, normally you are so fast to review, I knew something was up. I understand how you wanted to plow through what you missed, I am the same way with stuff. Let me know if this was a surprising chapter or not. I forgive you, by the way. ;-)

ShadowyCat – You were right about Sage not being in for as much trouble as he thought. I think you have a great intuitive sense for the way that Snape sees things. If I had the time to delve into the real inner working of his mind more than I have, I would feel a lot more confident, unfortunately it's hard enough to get the inner workings of one Snape, especially when you created him. Fireplace, hmm, I never remember with these punishments if someone has done them before, if I read them, or if I came up with it. Hee hee, if you know who wrote it first, let me know so that I can credit them. For all I know it was probably you! (wouldn't that be funny!)

Sibyl Snape– Were you shocked with this, I know you thought that Sage would be in a lot of trouble? Thanks for the reviews and I will do my best about Amanda. We'll just have to see, as of the moment Sage doesn't want to recreate the couch experience with anyone. Perhaps you could persuade him otherwise? Hee hee

Fire Pendent – glad you like the fic! Hope to hear more from you. If you can't tell Snape is my Fac character too. ;-)

Elalien – Well, the day came when Sage finally did something that made Snape as close to happy as Snape comes, for awhile at least. Unfortunately, what will happen when Sage has to talkto Severus about what he talked to Dumbledore about? Dum Dum Dum. (insert dramatic music).

Carpathia – NBC huh? I'll write for whoever will take me. Hee hee. Sorry about the cliffy! I am glad that you picked up on the sympathetic look, it was very important. Lucius definitely won't forget what happened, but Draco won't either. You'll see about that soon as well. I need to read OotP again too. Can't wait to hear from you again.

If your name isn't here, I haven't gotten a review from yuou yet, sorry! Your name will come up. I promise. I try to answer everyone!