Colonel Grey and the lieutenant hardly had time to react before the dog pounced on the lieutenant's back, knocking him flat. The dog grabbed his shirt collar between its teeth and shook it violently. Carter snatched the dog by the scruff of the neck and attempted to pull it off the officer's back. Gomer, leaning over his shoulder, tried to coax the dog away.
"Grady, please stop!" he pleaded.
"Sergeant, get that dog off!" demanded the colonel.
"Somebody shoot it!" yelled the lieutenant.
Seconds later, the dog ripped open his uniform from top to bottom. Gomer finally managed to drag the dog away, though it still clutched a piece of the uniform in its mouth. Carter began to help the disheveled lieutenant to his feet but was quickly brushed off.
"Get your hands off me!" the lieutenant snapped, "Imbecile! I thought I told you to get rid of that mongrel! Obviously, you cannot obey a simple order, so I advise you to head back to your quarters and start packing for an overseas trip to the front lines! And before you do that, you are to take this dangerous animal behind the barracks and shoot it! Am I clear?"
"Oh, no sir!" Gomer pleaded, "it wasn't the Sergeant's fault, it was mine. I'm the one who brought this dog on the base in the first place and if I hadn't done that, none of this would've happened."
"Then you're assuming full responsibility for this, Private?"
Now it was Carter's turn to cut in.
"Excuse me, sir, but that's not entirely correct. You see, when Pyle brought this dog on the base, it was my duty to get take it to the pound, which I never actually…"
"So, you did disobey an order!"
"Well, sir…"
All three began talking at the same time. Finally, Colonel Grey, who had been watching the scene quietly, raised his arms and yelled,
"Gentlemen, that will be all!"
When everyone had grown quiet, he began.
"I believe we ought to settle this situation in a more private location. Pyle, if you'll just find something to tie that dog up, we'll take this matter to my office."
"Yes, sir," Gomer sulked.
"And get my uniform out of that slobbering mouth!" demanded the lieutenant.
Gomer nodded and tried to grab the piece of fabric from Grady's mouth, but the dog refused to let go.
"Come on, Grady, we're in enough trouble already."
To his surprise, the fabric tore further and a folded piece of paper hit the ground. The lieutenant ducked to snatch the paper up, but Gomer reached it first.
"Well, I wonder what this could be?"
"Give me that, Private," the lieutenant snarled.
Gomer started to hand the paper over, but not before Carter noticed something odd about it. He grabbed it from Gomer's hand and folded it open.
"It's a receipt," he remarked, "from Jerry's Army Surplus Shop for a marine uniform and a set of lieutenant's bars."
"Give me that receipt, Sergeant!"
The lieutenant tried to make another grab for the paper, but Carter avoided him and passed the receipt to Colonel Grey, who also looked it over.
"Yes. Lieutenant… you know I never did learn your name."
The lieutenant cleared his throat for a moment before replying.
"Um…Ames, sir."
"Yes, well Lieutenant Ames, why would you find it necessary to purchase these items from an army surplus store?"
"Well…my uniform was ruined during a training exercise, sir, and I needed a new one quickly."
"Then why go all the way to town when you could've easily acquired these things right here on the base?"
While Lieutenant Ames struggled for answers, Grady dropped the remainder of the uniform, allowing Gomer to sift through the pockets.
"Shazam!" he exclaimed.
"What? What is it?" asked Carter.
Gomer pulled out an identification card with a face matching Ames' but a very different name. Carter looked it over.
"Colonel," he said, "That escaped convict you mentioned the other day, what was his name?"
"I believe it was Jonathan DuBois. Why?"
As Carter handed the colonel the id card, Ames made a quick dash across the compound.
"Stop him!" shouted Colonel Grey.
Immediately, Grady broke from Gomer's arms and sped after the escapee, pouncing on his back and knocking him flat long enough for the MP's to reach him. Colonel Grey chuckled.
"Well, men," he said, "I believe you've caught yourselves a crook!
(-)
About an hour later, the police arrived to reclaim the captured prisoner. Before they left, one officer approached Gomer, who stood by the barracks with Grady sitting at his heel. Of course, Gomer had no shortage of words when asked about the incident.
"Well, sir," he began, "it all started when this dog, Grady, follered me on the base. I don't know how he knew it, but he just knew that Lieutenant Ames wasn't a lieutenant but was actually a criminal. So as soon as he'd seen 'im, he just took off and pinned this feller down. Now Sergeant Carter and me, we didn't know any better, so we pulled Grady off of 'im. But Grady went right on tryin' and tryin' until we finally understood who this feller was, and that's when we called you."
The officer chuckled.
"It seems you have a fine dog there, Pyle."
"Well thank you sir, but in all honesty, he ain't mine. In fact, when this is over, I may have to take 'im to the pound."
"What? A fine, intelligent dog like that?"
"Yessir, on account of I don't have anywhere to keep 'im."
"I'll tell you what? Let him come with us! With a little training, I'm sure he'd make a fine police dog."
"You mean it? Well, thank ye, sir! Thank ye. Thank ye. Thank ye!"
Not long after, the squad cars rolled away. The last car held a dog who hung its head out the backseat window with glee. Gomer gave his four-legged friend a goodbye wave.
"So long, Grady! Hope you catch plenty o' criminals!"