Prompt: Kate Beckett is having a breakdown at her mother's grave
It was a cold and frigid winter night, the air was brisk and chilly, the wind strong and sharp, violently slicing through the thin layers of her clothes, making her entire body shiver.
She quickly adjusted the scarf around her exposed neck with her trembling fingers, trying to prevent herself from getting cold. The air was really frosty and sharp, abusing her trachea by each intake of a breath, leaving a burning sensation in her lungs.
The weather was much more bearable in the city, Kate had sighed, but she had no intention to go home anyway. She wanted to be here, she needed to be here.
Kate was out in the cemetery now, basically at the middle of nowhere. There were no large trees or tall buildings to shield her fragile body from the bitter cold. She was chilled to the bone, barely able to move her fingers, barely able to feel her digits, but she didn't care.
Her mind was focusing elsewhere.
She was kneeling in front of her mother's grave, tracing the golden, fresly caved letters on her thombstone with her barely moving, numb fingers.
"Mom," Kate had whispered, sobbed into the cool early night air with silent tears in her eyes. Her words were barely audible, the strong howl of the wind muffled her broken, desperate voice.
It's been only a few weeks since her mother had died, since her entire life had fallen apart. They were suppose to have dinner that night, when some bastard ruthlessly took her life away. Her mom had been stabbed, murdered in an abandoned allyway. It was unfair. Life was unfair.
It's been a few weeks since that happened, since her mother had been ripped away from her forever, and she was still a mess, unable to move on, unable to make piece with anything. It was like a bad joke, like a never ending nightmare.
If only she could spend at least one more day with her mom, if only she could laugh and cry with her just like always, if only they could argue and fight again, if only she could bury herself deep into the warmth of her embrace, into her soft and comfronting, motherly arms!
But there were no soothing arms around her anymore, whispering sweet promises into her ears, there is no joy in her life, all she can feel is numbness, soulitide and grief. Her only company is the four walls at home, and the harsh and bitter reality.
Her mom is gone, and so is her life.
Tiny snowflakes suddenly started falling from the sky, dancing in the strenghtening wind. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold back tears, but they kept falling anyway. Kate knew it's time to go home, before the snowfall turnes into a blizzard, before she freezes to death, but again... What's the point to go home anymore? To watch her dad drowning her pain into alcohol? To be surrounded by nothing but the four walls and the never ending silence?
It was late evening already, her dad was most likely drunk by now, like he is on every single day since Johanna had passed.
Kate couldn't tell what was worst. Loosing her mom, or watching her dad spending his entire day in a bottle, slowly letting himself swallowed up by alcohol.
Kate is trying so hard every day, to talk her dad out of drinking, but he wouldn't listen. He says she is just like her mom, he says she reminds him too much of Johanna. He doesn't even support her decision about quitting at her current university and joining the police academy.
Kate knows it's just the effect of alcohol, just the drink talking, she knows her dad doesn't mean anything he says, but still... it hurts. Hurts so bad.
She had lost both of her parents at once. Well, maybe not the same way, but there is no one at home waiting for her anymore, no one she could talk to, no one who would understand, no one she could rely on.
As the harsh reality suddenly hit her she bursted out in tears, tracing her freezing fingers along her mother's thombstone one more time, silently pleading her to came back. Kate knew it's pointless and silly, but there was nothing else she could do.
A lone teardrop rolled down her face, followed by another, freezing on her cold cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them away anymore.
"Whyy?" She bursted out into the howl of the wind, burying her tearstained face into her bare and red, chilly hands.
Kate was unable to hold back tears anymore, they were flowing like a river, harder and harder by each passing second. She was lonely, sad and broken, slowly consumed up by grief. All she could feel was pain, sorrow, and emtiness.
The snowfall had slowly grew heavier and a strong gust of wind suddenly slammed into her, violently whipping across her face, almost knocking her off. She could barely see the row of thombstones in front of her anymore. Kate was trembling like a leaf now, her entire body was numb, aching from the bitter cold, but she didn't care.
Maybe it's better this way, she had sobbed, heaving into a couple of deep breaths, tasting the bitter cold on the tip of her tongue. She had nothing to wake up for anyway, no one to life for anymore.
Yes, it's gonna be better this way, she had taught, assuring herself with a slight nod as the cold was slowly seeping into her bones, numbing all her senses, dulling all the pain.
Kate was barely aware of her surroundings, laying face down on the snow covered grass, when she suddenly felt a gentle hand on her shoulders. Someone was dragging her up, shaking her awake.
"Hey Miss, you okay?" A gentle but worried, unfamiliar voice broke through the haze of cold, slowly reaching to her senses.
Kate hummed something in response, her voice foreign even to her own ears. She then slowly blinked her watery eyes open, curiously taking in her surroundings, when her teary gaze suddenly landed on someone. It was a stranger leaning above her, a ruggedly hansome, young man. His brow was furrowed in concern, which somehow she had found adorable.
He could be in his twenties, Kate had assumed quickly, observing his features. She was still a bit disoriented, but as the numbness had slowly began to fade she had realized that the man had put his arms around her slender, freezing body, and pulled her closer, holding her tight against his own, broad chest.
Kate leaned further into his side without even thinking, relishing the warmth of his body. He was a complete stranger, yet he could provide her with so much comfort, with so much love.
His caresses were tender and soft, and the feel of his body against hers was surprisingly comfronting, filling her with long lost warmth.
"Thank you." She mumbled into his embrace after a brief pause, still shaking from the bitter cold. She then slowly gazed upon him, risking a glance to observe his beautiful, handsome features one more time. He was charming, oh so very charming, especially the way his lips curved up in a warm, tiny smile. She liked that a lot.
Unable to help herself, Kate smiled upon him in response, locking her gaze with his, and when their eyes met, she felt an unexpected flutter in her stomach. His gaze was intense, so intense, like he would see right through her. His eyes were blue like the cloudless sky, deep like the endless ocean, shimmering bright like sapphire. She would gladly drown into them anytime.
His gaze held her captive for a moment too long, for much longer than she would have expected, momentarily making her forget all of her problems.
The kind, unfamiliar man then slowly reached out, running his smooth fingers through the tousled curls of her hair, brushing away a few, cottony snowflakes clinging to her honey brown tresses.
She was such a beautiful, young woman, he had thought to himself, studying the line of her face, skimming his fingers along the curve of her cheekbones. She was stunning, very stunning, but there was also so much pain, so much sadness hiding in the depth of her beautiful gaze.
She had propably lost someone very close to her, he could tell that for sure, by the look on her face, by the the darkening shade of her gorgeous, hazel green eyes.
If only he could do more to help her! If only he could wrap her into his arms and never let her go! They didn't even know each other, but he was already amazed by the depth of her strenght. This young lady was intriguing, in way he didn't even know was possible, and she deserved better. So much better. Thank God he found her in time, he had thought to himself. He was the graveyard security guard, and he was ready to go home after his shift, when he noticed something crumpled on the ground. The snow was falling heavily, he could barely make out what it was, but as he had approached, he could clearly see that it was a person, most likely a woman. He fastened his steps immediately, bypassing the row of thombstones, rushing forward to help her before the falling snow would cover her entirely.
"What's your name young lady?" He asked in a low voice after a brief pause, interrupting the pieceful silence, bringing his own, reeling mind back to the present.
"I'm Kate." She stammered hesitantly, her voice almost wavering.
At first she wanted to say Katie, her parents always used to call her by that, but then she remembered it's time to leave that name behind. It reminds her too much of her mom.
She then slowly flickered her swollen, teary eyes back to him, unsure what to even think of this man. Sure, he was nice and all, but still... he was a complete stranger. And Kate Beckett had never felt comfortable with talking to a stranger.
"Kate," he echoed, enjoying the sound of her name rolling off of his tongue. Such a beautiful name, he had thought, flashing her a warm smile.
"I'm Rick by the way." He then introduced himself quietly, not wanting to scare her away. "And you shouldn't be out here in this weather Kate, is everything okay?" He asked quietly, seemingly concerned.
Her entire face crumpled at his question, unwanted tears welling up in her beautiful, hazel green eyes, and oh God no, did he scare her that much?
"Hey, it's okay." He whispered into her hairline, cradling her crumpling frame into his arms, rocking her gently. "It's gonna be fine."
"My mom," Kate weeped on a broken sob, ignoring his last comment. She slowly tore her gaze away from him, staring at the freshly made thombstone in front of them. He followed her devastated gaze toward the grave stone, trailing his eyes along the golden letters caved into it. Johanna Beckett.
He felt his heart sinking. He didn't even know her, this beautiful young woman kneeling in front of him, but he was already damn sure about one thing. She didn't deserve this. No one did.
He wanted to say something, how sorry he is, how much he would love to help, but he knew it's pointless, he knew it wouldn't lessen the pain, he knew it wouldn't solve anything, so he only placed his hand onto her shoulder, rubbing up and down the lenght of her spine, offering her a silent comfort.
Goosebumps erupted on her skin at his touch, and despite the freezing temperatures, a sudden feel of warmth washed over her entire being, lessening the pain, the all consuming grief.
Kate slowly turned toward him, locking her eyes with his. They were close, too close to each other, she could feel the heat of his breath dancing across her skin, the sweet scent of his cologne filling her nostrils, making her entire body flutter of... what excatly? What was this sudden feel of comfort washing over her? Why did she suddenly felt so attached to him?
Was it love? Or something else? Her confused, reeling mind was thinking hard, trying to make sense of it all, but all her thoughts had vanished when he gently touched her face and swiped his thumb along her cold cheeks to wipe away the remnants of the salty moisture still lingering there.
His touch didn't last long, and yet it was like a soothing balm, healing all her broken pieces, mending her shattered heart.
"Let me take you someplace Kate," Rick had whispered against her skin, her broad hand still caressing her face. "Someplace warm and safe."
His voice was low and sincere, soft and caring, like a flicker of hope in the all consuming darkness, and she swears she saw a tiny sliver of light peeking through the thin layers of snowclouds when he suddenly brushed his lips along her cheekbones, just barely grazing the corner of her lips. The flesh of his bottom lip was tender, warm and loving against her cold skin, making her entire body tingle with anticipation.
She didn't know why, she didn't know how, but she felt connected to him, in a way she never felt to anyone before. It was a beginning of something new, she could sense it in the air, she could feel it on her skin, she could taste it on her lips.
She trusted him. Kate had no eexplanation why, but she had trusted this man with all of her being.
"Okay, let's go." She nodded with a silent sigh after a brief pause, and before she could protest, he curved his arm around her slender body, helping her to get up.
Standing on her wobbly legs she laced her fingers with his, and much to her own surprise, their joined hands fit together perfectly, like they where made for each other. Letting out a silent gasp of delight and relief she clutched her own fingers tighter with his, letting him lead the way out of here and together, slowly step by step, they wandered out of the cemetery, out of this misery, away from the all consuming pain, and without even realizing it, they slowly walked into a new life.
It's gonna be hard, so very hard. There will be tears, lots of it. You will wonder why, what did you do to deserve this. You will know it wasn't your fault, that you had no control over this and yet, you will be angry, and you will blame yourself. You won't want to wake up anymore, you will say there is no point. People will keep telling you that time heals, but you will disagree. And you will be right. But deep down you will hope, with all your remained strenght and energy, that maybe, yeah maybe one day it will really get better.
Johanna always used to say that life never delivers anything we can't handle, but Kate never believed it. She knew she will never get over her mother's death, she knew she will never be able to move on, she knew nothing will be the same anymore.
Kate had never fathomed her lips to lift again, but time had passed, days turned into weeks, months into years, and the pain, the grief, the endless feel of emtiness had somehow lessened, became more bearable.
Well, at some point it was always there, the lingering sadness, the touch of grief, a void which can never be filled again, but as the time had passed, her life had slowly gotten better.
Her dad gave up on on drinking six years later, all because of her. He wanted to be a better man, a better father, he wanted to be there for her only daughter.
Kate had eventually became a cop, a homicide detective, the best one in the city. Her entire adult life was defined by grief, but she never gave up, she never let go, and after fifteen years of trying, struggling, fighting and almost dying, she eventually solved her mother's case, she finally arrested the bastard who ruined her family, who ruined her entire life.
It was a long and bumpy road, but with Rick by her side, it was worth it all. He was always there for her, supporting her, believing her.
Rick quit his job at the cemetery shortly after they met. He started writing mystery novels, and joined the NYPD as a consultant to gain some research for his next book, which had eventually turned into a whole series. The story was obviously based on the love of his life, on the hottest and most badass cop he had even met, on Kate Beckett.
They started as friends, but their love grew stronger by each passing second, by each passing day, and after years of being together, loving and fighting, denying and hiding behind unseen walls, Kate had finally married him. She was in love with him since the beginning, yeah, but since her mother had died, it hadn't been easy, especially to start new relationships. However, Rick was always there for her, he was always understanding, ready to wait for her as long as she needed, and Kate was thankful for it, oh so very thankful. He was the best man she could ever hope to get married with.
It was winter now, cold and frigid, just like it was nearly twenty years ago, when they met at the cemetery in front of her mother's grave. She was standing on the very same spot now, with a daughter by her side, and with two boys in her arms. Her husband, Rick was there too, arranging some flowers on her mother's grave.
Kate took in a deep, refreshing breath, and gazed upon the cloudless sky. The sun was pale, barely visible, yet its golden rays filled her with so much warmth.
"Thank you mom," she whispered into the cool afternoon air, letting out a heavy, contented sigh. "Thank you for giving them to me." She then lowered her gaze down, back to her little family. Kate had learnt to treasure every single moment in the past few years, especially since their kids were born, and she already knew that when a door closes, another one opens, and for the first time in so long, happy tears were streaming down her face.
A/N: It was hard to focus on writing this fic, so many bad things are happening lately, and I lost my little dog a few weeks ago, who was just less than a year old. He was more than just a pet for me, my hert breaks for him. :(( But I needed the distraction, so I kept writing. I hope you guys like this little story I wrote, and I hope that you all are doing well. :)) Hopefully until next time, bye! :)