Chapter 54: Bridges Burnt
Dedicated to Miss Linden Winter for being such a dedicated and astute reviewer. You are great! Are you still around? I miss you! 3/2020
Bridges Burnt
Sage stared heatedly at the worn, old leather case, mastering the emotion that it was bringing to the forefront of his mind. That leather case held within it his entire life in the future and much of the past too, the past well before him but still connected to him. Feeling rather warm, he remembered that he had not opened the case in almost a year. Almost a year had passed since he had found out that his death was written.
He sat down in the armchair by his bed and stared at it further, the fire in the fireplace flickering and creating strange shadows in his field of vision. A deep sigh escaped him.
Almost a year… A year lost…a year spent trying to get back what I let slip away…a year spent trying to repair the damage of that damned case. Now I must master it again. Open it, talk about it.
So many things had changed for him during that year, and he would never be able to go back. The future was coming at him full blast now. He could feel it strongly within himself. He was beginning to think that those feelings were a part of having prescience, as it was supposed to be almost a sixth sense. There had been two choices for him about how to live his life with the knowledge of the prophecies, and he had gotten rid of one by testing it. Passively waiting for the future to come had not worked well at all. It had started that downward spiral; believing that there was nothing he could do about the future and that it was all written down already.
His choice now, the only one left to him, was to actively meet the future head on. At some point in time he had a startling realisation. Simply because his death was written down did not mean that there was nothing of worth he could do. It did not mean that he should lament his misfortune and live everyday as if he was attending his own funeral. He had an important part to play in the future, an important part to play in the lives of others.
One thing was not written, and that one thing could change. That one thing depended upon him, and it was not something to take lightly. It was the future of his Uncle, of Hermione, of Draco, and of Amanda. He furrowed his brow deeply. It was also the future of many other people who had entered his life along the way and left something with him…Professor Lupin…Ron…Dumbledore, even though Sage was mad at him…the man at the ministry that had been nice to him all those years before…even Harry.
He should have realized it from the beginning. He should have felt the worth of all these people and their future, but he hadn't, not really. Surely he had not wanted them to die and it upset him to know that they were going to die, but he had ultimately been consumed by the fact that he was going to die.
And if he was going to die, then nothing really mattered. He was going to take no memory with him about what he did or did not do when he was dead. That particular thought, that thought of nothingness had been what did it to him.
Now, he knew better, he felt differently. Although he had known it then too, in some way, he knew now for certain that there would be nothing he would not do in order to keep Voldemort from murdering his Uncle. Nothing would keep him from killing Voldemort to save his Uncle. If he had to torture himself with training day in and day out and never sleep, he would be strong enough to at least ensure that and keep his promise.
If he was going to die because of the man-thing that murdered his father, then he was damned sure he was going to put up one hell of a fight and take Voldemort down with him.
And Hermione…All he had to do was look at her soft, honey brown eyes to know that she could make him feel that same way. When he was at his lowest, she was still there fighting to hold onto him, but he was invariably stronger and had shoved her away. Now he appreciated all her concerned looks, all her questions, all her doting, because she alone realized how hopelessly lost and upset he was. She was the only one that did not expect the world from him, all she had expected was for him to trust her like a friend, to talk to her. She cared about his emotional well-being when everyone else seemed concerned about his behavior…
He could have gone to her when his Uncle was angry with him or yelled at him or even hit him, but he didn't because he wanted to protect her. But what could he have possibly protected her from in the state that he was in? Nothing at all. All along, she could have brought out of him what he had needed to see in order to change. If he would only have allowed her in, she could have brought out something for him that he could have used to be stronger, to protect everyone he cared about.
In the end, he had to see, experience it in a mirror. IN A BLASTED MIRROR! For the sake of the Gods…in a mirror. How utterly stupid, how utterly conceited of him. If anything how could he have not known that a little pain and a little discomfort always makes one stronger! The little pain and discomfort he would have felt talking to her would have been nothing compared to what he had lived in for months. MONTHS!
He cocked his head to the side, still staring at the case.
Well, it had not all been the mirror. It had been Merlin. And seeing his Uncle so upset…so thrown to the edge…so desperate to help him. Desperate to to do something.
Now he was desperate to do something. He was going to actively go after something he wanted in his future, and he was going to do it now. Before he lost his nerve.
As Sage walked into the common room, Ron looked at Harry and said, "Checkmate, again."
Hermione looked up from her large book and chuckled at the look Harry gave Ron.
The red-head smiled broadly, ignoring Harry's annoyed expression. He looked up and saw Sage, his eyes getting bigger.
"Oi! Sage, want to play a game? Harry's just lost again."
Sage swallowed and cleared his throat while he walked up to them. He was certain that he looked apprehensive.
"No, er, maybe later."
"Oh, all right then." Ron said, looking back at Harry.
Sage tried to smile, but it was rather thin-lipped.
"Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few minutes, Hermione," He said, looking down at her.
At this statement all three of them looked at him in shock. Apparently Hermione had told both of the boys exactly how she felt about Sage.
Her eyebrow arched and she half frowned, "Why?" Git!
She almost seemed to smile at Sage's reaction to her question. He was clearly at a loss for what to say.
"Because," was the only thing he could manage to think of to say to her. Now that was pathetic!
She snorted at him and looked back down at her book.
Ron was still staring at him.
There was no way he was giving up that easily, even if he had to beg in front of Gryffindors. Well, perhaps he would draw the line at that…
"Please," he added hastily, feeling rather stupid in saying it. Just say yes, damn it! This is embarassing enough.
"Fine, then," she said, closing her book and getting up. "What do you want?" Her heart clearly was not in the statement, however, and that gave Sage some hope.
"D'you mind if we go in my room?"
He shifted his weight to his other foot.
"Er, all right," She said. What is up with him? What does he want to talk about that has to talk about it in his room! Could he…? No…Hermione that isn't going to happen!
She eyed him suspiciously after she had seated herself in his chair by the fire. He was standing, looking at her intently, but not saying anything. She frowned lightly as he started to pace by his bed, intermittently looking between her and a leather case of sorts.
Finally, he stopped, and his blue eyes targeted in on her eyes, his face steely with resolve.
"There is something that I wanted to tell you about. I'm hoping that it will help you understand-." He stopped abruptly, his brow furrowing. "No, it isn't really like that… I just think that after everything, you deserve to know."
She felt her cheeks tighten in interest and confusion. Something is very wrong with this…
"But first, I just wanted to say that I have been a real prat, and you did not deserve to be treated the way that I treated you. Perhaps after I say what I need to say, you will find it within yourself to forgive me. I'm just hoping that I have not ruined everything that you have tried to be for me, forever. You are a good person, Hermione, and I trust you, and I want to show you that."
Have I entered an alternate dimension! He simply does not even sound like the same person…She thought. I mean, he is being nice, and he looks like he cares, and he is apologizing…But he has been such an ass, who is to say that this isn't an act?
"Sage, what is this all about," She asked, hastily.
He sighed, "It is about this leather case…" He put his hand on it lightly, then added, "It's about my life, and my Uncle's life, and your life, and the lives of many other people."
She shook her head, seeming to get frustrated. "I don't understand."
"You are the smartest girl I know, in time, you will."
"Stop being so elusive!" She snapped. What's he on about! Can't he just act all strange around his girlfriend and leave me out of it?
"This case is hundreds of years old. It holds within it scores of documents about the past and the future. The case has been passed down from Magi to Magi since Merlin, and it is within this case that Merlin left his prophecies, guarded by his line and guarded by magic that would only let a Magi's eyes read them."
"Merlin," she said, quietly, an inquisitive look crossing her face.
Sage nodded, his face very impassive, "The headmaster gave me this case last year, hoping that I would be able to learn something about myself from it, but he never expected me to learn what I learned. You understand…or you must understand…Merlin's last prophecies concerned a time of great struggle where a Dark Lord would again threaten the world and someone would be needed of Merlin's line to combat him. This person would bring together the blood of the Light, the Dark, and the Balanced through the blood of three great wizards: Fawkes, Nag, and Merlin himself."
"That time is now?" she asked, her face worried.
Nodding again, "Yes, it is. There were a number of prophecies in Merlin's last document. The first was that a wizard would be born of the Light who would rid the world of the Dark Lord for a time-."
"Harry?" She said, her desire to be correct strong in her voice.
"Yes." He said, forcing a smile. "And the time that the Dark Lord was gone was supposed to be the time during which the person of the three bloods would come to power in a sense-."
"Harry!" She exclaimed, getting overly aggitated.
"No, though most would probably think that, but I am getting to that. The next was that there would be a man to help, er, the One, to train him and to look after him. This man was to be of an ancient line associated with the Darkest of magics, a decendant of man called Nag, which is ancient eqyptian for 'The Snake'. This man was to reject the Dark Lord and cleanse his line of being associated with Dark magic. Lastly, we come to the One."
He closed his eyes, the furrow appearing on his face again, and put his hand up to his forehead for a minute.
"The prophecy said that the Dark Lord would rise again when the One was older and that he would ultimately fully return. The two were prophecized to all be relatives of the One."
Sage found his mouth to be utterly dry, and this was extremely difficult to talk about. He avoided her eyes, not yet ready to let someone else into his. Slowly he sat down on the bed and heaved another large sigh.
Hermione stared at him, puzzled. She could not help but wonder why he was telling her this and why it looked as if he had not told anyone else. Surely if it was this important and it bothered him this much, he would have told Mandy?
Then her mind shifted gears again and began to focus, academically, on what he had said. The first person was Harry. Then there was a person who was to train the person who had to combat the Dark Lord….Hmmm, he did not say who that was… Then there was the One himself…And they all were related.
During her silence, she had started to stare into the fire, trying to figure things out in her mind while Sage sat there within himself.
Sage looked up at her, and a small smile crossed his lips as he saw the look of concentration on her face. It brought her eyebrows together slightly and made her lips a bit pouty too. Perhaps this would all end up right.
Suddenly her eyebrow went up and she turned to him, her mouth wide open.
"Merlin! It's you, isn't it?" Her mouth suddenly clamped shut and she put her hand up to her mouth. After a few seconds she said in a voice slightly above a whisper, "You are supposed to fight Voldemort. You're the one Merlin talks about…"
"Yes," he answered, quietly. Then he said in a slightly stronger tone, "I always knew you were clever."
She saw the look on his face and interpreted it, "There is more?"
He snorted slightly and nodded again, an ironic kind of half-smile passing over his face and then disappearing. "Of course there is more. When is there ever not more in my life," he said sardonically. He exhaled, "You should hear it for yourself."
His movements slightly jerky, not fluid like usual, he undid the latches on the case and took out a yellowed piece of parchment.
Hermione frowned, finding her chest tightening up. His face had been slowly losing its impassivity and was now looking tired and pained. She was certain that nothing but something absolutely horrible could make him show such emotion openly.
His breathing was even faster when he began to read.
"The One, he will be a great Magi, a Sage to rival my powers. He will be tormented his entire life. The closer he comes to the Light, the more he will be tormented by his demons and the Dark. He will stand in the Last Fight. The triad will begin with him, united by their shared blood, but he will stand alone before the fight ends. He will be expected to do, on his own, what took over one hundred wizards before him during the last reign of darkness. He will be witness to death, destruction, and grave loss and it will all touch him with the worst pain known to mankind."
He stopped for a brief moment, a tormented look coming over his face as he looked down at the parchment in his hands. He knew that he could not let her know the entire thing, that he was certainly to die. It was too much. He could not do that to her.
"During the Last Fight, as one side falls, I cannot see which, he will in all probability lose his life. If he shall rise over darkness, all those male born of his line will share his gift. As darkness falls, the Phoenix shall rise and all will be saved."
When he looked up at her, he saw tears falling down her cheeks, her eyes very red. The parchment fell from his hands as he went up to her.
"I should not have told you," he said quietly, putting his hands on her shoulders, "Are you-."
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" She shrieked, jumping up and backing away from him. "Why are you telling ME this? Why don't you go put this incredible weight on your girlfriend! I don't need to hear this from you as some pathetic excuse for why you don't want me, or why you have been acting this way!"
"It isn't some pathetic excuse," he said, feeling hurt. A prophecy concerning his life was pathetic in her eyes? "I wanted to tell you. I needed to tell you, Hermione."
"Haven't you had enough of playing with my emotions! 'Here Hermione, let me reach out to you, but then pull away because I have a girlfriend or because I have decided to be a bastard today but this prophecy explains why I am a bastard.' Did you tell her this?"
He stared at her, his blue eyes looking even wider than they were because of his black eyelashes. His cheeks were pink and his hair was in his face slightly.
"No, I did not tell her this, because we are no longer together. Don't you see, Hermione, that's why I am telling you this. I broke up with her because I can only see her as a friend, a friend who kept me company when I was not ready to talk. I broke up with her because I realized that what I was feeling for her was not what it should be…Because I realized that I had those feelings for someone else."
"What?" She said, suddenly looking as if she felt out of place. His statement had completely jolted her out of her thoughts as she had been completely unprepared for that coming out of his mouth.
"After I figured it all out, my Uncle had talked to me about what that meant for my future. How Voldemort would use my friends as weapons against me. How he could get to me or get control of me through them. He warned me that a time would come when I would need to break apart from all of my associations in order to protect them, to protect myself. I could not look at you, or anyone, for that matter without seeing horrible things happening to them because of me." His voice was so exasperated and emotional. Everything was slipping away.
There were no more reservations. All the things that had consumed his mind for all those months were spilling out. "I saw people dying, Hermione, a lot of people. Everytime I went to sleep at night for a few months, all I saw was death and blood and torture! Most of it I think was nightmares, but with my abilities, I do not know if any of it was real. It all could have been prophetic dreams and it scares me. Earlier this year all I saw for myself was a horrid death and nonexistence, oblivion. I felt like nothing was real, that everything was some sick illusion that I was trapped in. How many times did I push away thoughts of last year or of the party last year, because I thought that I could not have any of that ever again? Do you know that I had myself absolutely convinced that I did not care?"
Tears were now openly streaming down her face as she stood there frozen by his door, not having any idea what to say. Her body was shaking with the shock she felt as everything he was saying.
"And I pushed you away because of it. I pushed you away because I was weak, and scared, and self-concerned. But, I eventually realized that I couldn't do that anymore, and it was too late. Too late because you had given up on me. You hate me… But, I could not stay with Amanda, knowing how I felt about you…"
Her tears had come to a grinding halt, as she stood staring at him, her eyes blinking furiously. She was kneading her hands, which were quivering, together furiously. For once in a great while, Hermione was at a loss for words and her mouth was hanging open slightly.
All sorts of emotion swirling around inside of him, Sage felt his last opportunity coming to a quick close. He was unsure of how she felt, or how he had effected her. All he could tell was that she was upset and that she was crying because of something that he had said. There was only a small glimmer of hope left, because he thought he felt that she might be feeling both happy and sad at the same time. He was hoping that she was just simply overwhelmed and that hope was clearly making his heart beat faster than he had ever remembered. He clenched and unclenched his fists, his breaths fast and shallow.
No longer able to fight the urge any longer, he walked up to her and put a gentle hand on her cheek, wiping away some of the tears with his thumb. His heart beating so fast it felt as if it might just stop, he leaned down and kissed her, his lips finding a perfect space with hers, as they had been parted in shock for the last few minutes already.
The feeling that he might just pass out hit him when she kissed him back, putting her arms around him tightly.
Then a minute after it had begun, she pulled back abruptly, glared at him, and slapped him with amazing strength clear across his shocked and deprived face.
He blinked a few times, and he almost began wondering what had happened, when she smiled at him slightly with her cheeks still flushed, and jumped back against him into the most furious hug he was sure he had ever received.
A/n
Thank you to those of you who reviewed the last chapter. I know it was in the middle of the week, so that was great.
VD – The sex talk will have to come in the next fic because I know have quite a life planned for it. I am glad that you thought it was sad like the movies with the music and tissues. I cried too!
Elalien – Exams in the first week! Ahhhhhh! Yes, there will be another story after this. I am so glad that you liked everything in t he last chapter and thought it was a tear jerker. I cried too if it makes you feel better. I am honored that my fic was the first to get yo in that way. I had hope the chappie would be sad!
Anonymous – No name yet? That's okay, I still enjoy your reviews. I am glad that you enjoyed the chapter! I hope that you like this one too. Let me know.
Linden – Woohoo it's done! I will make this short bc I know you want to read it. You know how much I love your reviews. They are so helpful and mean a lot to me. So, was this all you expected?