Daniel looked pale and small in the infirmary bed. Jack sat on the bed next to his, elbows resting on his thighs and his chin caught in his hands, watching intently as nothing happened.
He rubbed his eyes. He rubbed his hands together. He fidgeted and shifted his weight and wished like hell there was something more he could do rather than just sit there. He slid off the bed and started pacing a well-worn pathway around the beds, pausing at the foot of Daniel's. He rubbed the back of his neck. Finally, he grabbed onto the metal folder that held the patient chart, intending to flip it open to read what he already had memorized. Instead, he found himself slamming it against the table so hard that it knocked things off with a clatter.
Janet handed off the chart she was holding to one of the nurses and quickly moved over. "Colonel? Everything alright?" she asked with concern.
"What kind of dumb ass question is that?" Jack snapped back, pointing a finger at the bed that contained Daniel. "My friend is lying here on his deathbed. I'm fine." As always, he resorted to sarcasm as a way to vent his emotions and irritability.
"We're working on the problem, sir." Once more Janet found herself falling into the formality that kept her position from becoming emotional. Jack wasn't the only one who wanted to rail and shout against the situation. She just couldn't afford to do it.
Jack slammed the chart again, his voice raised so loud and sharp that Janet felt herself step back involuntarily. For a brief moment, she saw a flash of what she had assumed based on his medical history and rumor. There was a darkness there in him that was always shielded but for a flash it came to the forefront and for the first time ever, she was scared of him. "I don't want excuses!" he shouted.
One of the guards posted around the base stepped into the infirmary and Janet waved him off. She swallowed back the fear and kept her voice level.
"Colonel O'Neill, if you don't calm down right now, I will have you removed from my infirmary. Is that clear?"
Jack's shoulders slumped as he leaned forward against the table and took a steadying breath. "I'm fine," he said, his voice lower, more controlled.
"Sir, I'd like to recheck your dopamine levels."
He heard her words but it took a moment to make sense of them. A pain was shooting through his brain in a terrible headache and he was having trouble holding back an overwhelming and unwelcome urge to cry.
Jack O'Neill did not cry.
He rubbed his eyes and smashed his palm against his forehead as if that would help with the pounding headache. "It's happening to me, isn't it?"
Tentatively, Janet reached a hand out toward him. "Let me find out. Please."
He rubbed at his eyes again and his face remained momentarily scrunched up with a series of conflicting and overwhelming emotions. It was the sense of loss inside that he recognized, though. He needed something and he wasn't sure what it was. But he needed it now. He brushed past her and moved to a bed with Janet hot on his heels.
As they ran the tests, Jack felt his brain hammering against the inside of his skull. The infirmary lights were too bright. The sounds were too loud. Even the texture of the blanket and his BDUs seemed too scratchy, too much for him. He felt like there were spiders and lightning just below the surface of his skin and he didn't know if he wanted to run until he could sweat it out or if he wanted to curl up under a blanket in the dark and just sleep for a month.
He hardly even noticed when General Hammond and Dr. Frasier came in to check on him, realizing it only when he heard her speak.
"Whatever's causing this actually accelerates neural activity in the brain and causes a dopamine-like effect in the body," she offered by way of explanation.
He knew it. "Kind of like drugs," he mumbled.
Janet closed the folder. "Only as long as you're on the planet. Shortly after you returned, neural activity begins to decrease and depression settles in. Blood work confirms it."
"Does the boy carry any immunity we can use to our advantage?" Hammond asked her.
"No," Janet said with a shake of her head. "His blood work came back the same. I don't think he'll be able to leave the planet without experience the same narcotic withdrawal symptoms."
"But Colonel O'Neill was only on that planet for a little over an hour."
"Yes, sir, but this addiction appears to be almost instantaneous," she explained.
Jack groaned and tried to roll from his side to his back, but found it was a bad idea so he stayed put for a moment and braced himself. "You're telling me I'm addicted to that place?"
Janet couldn't think of a better way to put it so she didn't even try to correct him. For all she knew, he was right. "The intensity of your mood swing into depression seems to be proportional to the time you spent on the planet. All we can do is hope that your exposure wasn't long enough for your symptoms to get as bad as they did with Daniel and the others."
"Great, all those years of just saying no." At least Jack still had enough of himself left to slip into sarcasm, a fact that both Dr. Frasier and General Hammond found hopeful. He finally felt solid enough to roll onto his back, his hands rubbing at his eyes again.
Hammond lifted his chin a little. "Jack," he said, the single word bracing O'Neill for bad news. "I tried to recall Major Carter and Teal'c. They haven't responded and I can't risk sending another team."
Before he could finish, Janet and Jack's attention become focused on a strange new rhythm to the beeping of the machines attached to Daniel. The urgency in Janet's step gave away more than her face.
"What's that?" Jack asked as he sat up, seeing Daniel shaking slightly in the bed. It was more movement than he'd shown in hours. Adrenaline and fear overrode any sense of pain or discomfort that Jack had been experiencing.
"His EEG is sporadic." She tore her gaze away from the monitor and looked over at Jack. "This is exactly what happened to the members of SG-5 before they died. Sir, you're going to have to take him back to the planet."
Despite the worry that settled into his gut, Jack couldn't deny the sense of thrill that came with her words and the sense of rightness that came with the thought of returning to the planet and to the light.
Jack threw his jacket back on and shoved his feet into his boots with lightning fast movements. His boots were barely laced when the infirmary staff had Daniel's gurney ready to go and they raced down the corridor toward the Gate room. "Once you're there I'll need you to send me his vital signs every-" Her words cut off as a beeping became frantic and then stopped. "He's coding! No time to resuscitate, let's go!" she commanded as they finished their mad sprint to the Stargate.
The Stargate was already active and waiting for them when they tore around the corner, a nurse already pulling out the IV as Janet detached him from everything else. The gurney ground to a halt and they didn't even slam on the brake to hold it steady as Jack ripped the mask off his face and threw him over his shoulder into a fireman's carry. He ran up the ramp and through the wormhole.
Coming out the other side, Jack inhaled a deep breath of the air and gently dropped Daniel onto the floor, carefully cradling his head as he laid him down. He wasn't quite sure why, but he had expected Daniel to magically take a breath as soon as they passed to the planet's side, but he still wasn't breathing and there was no sign of a pulse. He hadn't saved him just hours before from jumping to his death only to lose him now.
"Daniel. Daniel! Come on, come on. Dammit Daniel, let's go. Come on!" he begged, pleaded and shouted before turning his head. "Carter! Teal'c!" he bellowed as loud as he could, shaking Daniel and even slapping at his cheeks to try and wake him up.
Carter and Teal'c did not appear, but Loran did. He stepped slowly around the corner and moved closer. Jack looked up at him. "Where are my friends?" he asked Loran.
"With the light," the boy replied as if there was nowhere else they should be.
"Get them for me, will you?"
Loran hesitated. "They won't come," he informed Jack.
"Well try!" Jack shouted.
Loran stepped back, startled by the snappish tone and volume. He turned and ran off.
Jack watched after him for a moment before something drew his attention to the floor. Daniel made a slight motion, he was sure of it. Suddenly he made the faintest groaning sound and Jack knew he was starting to come to. They had pulled him back from death's grasp once again.
Once he was satisfied that Daniel was breathing, even if he was not yet awake, Jack left him to go find the missing members of his team. He found Loran standing just outside the light room, looking guilty. "I'm not allowed to go in there," he told Jack as he passed, storming by.
"For God's sake," Jack muttered angrily. "Carter!" he called to her as he approached. She didn't respond. She was standing perfectly still, just staring at the light. Jack grabbed her and spun her around, shaking her almost violently. "Carter, wake up!"
She looked dazed. "You're back, sir. When?" Her voice was unsteady, like she had just woken up from a dream state.
Jack didn't respond. Instead, he reached over and slapped Teal'c on the arm a few times to get his attention. "Teal'c! Teal'c!"
Slowly Teal'c turned his head toward Jack. "Come on," he said with a nod of his head toward the door. "Outta here. Right now." He felt his eyes start to veer back to the light and forced himself to turn away.
Teal'c and Carter trailed along behind him and he didn't look back, but he was growing more and more sure that they were both looking behind them at the light.
When they emerged into the Gate room, Daniel had managed to sit up at the edge of the platform, arms crossed over his knees, his head down. He looked exhausted, but at least his skin was showing signs of color coming back. "Daniel Jackson," Teal'c greeted him in surprise. Carter smiled as she spotted him. Loran lingered in the background, not wanting to interrupt the reunion of who he assumed was the sick friend they had been so worried about. He recognized the man from his earlier trip to the planet. He seemed smart and kind. Loran was glad he wasn't dead.
"Yep," Jack said as he plopped down next to Daniel. "Had to bring him back. It was the only thing that was going to keep him alive." He didn't mention that technically, Daniel was probably dead for a few moments. He tried to blame it on the fact that he'd lose the pool if he admitted it, but deep inside he knew it was more of a relief than it should be.
Carter tried to make sense of things. Jack had just left. "Sir, how long were you gone?" she asked uncertainly.
"Few hours," Jack said as he slumped there on the platform, the knot of tension starting to ease up and unravel from his shoulders and his gut. He wasn't sure if it was being back at the planet or if it was Daniel's apparent recovery or both. "Hammond tried to contact you."
"He did not," Teal'c mentioned flatly.
"He did." Aside from Daniel who was still curled into himself, they all turned toward Loran who stepped further into the room. "I heard his voice."
"Where were we?" Carter asked, confused and uncertain.
Loran motioned over his shoulder to the light room. "In there."
She turned to look at Jack who fixed her her with a stark expression. "I- I can't explain it, sir," she apologized.
Jack wasn't surprised. "Well Frasier thinks we're all addicted to something here that alters our brain chemistry," he explained before pointing two fingers harshly toward the hallway. "And dollars to doughnuts it's that damn light."
"Oh, I don't see how that's possible," Carter protested with a shake of her head. The light wasn't dangerous. It was beautiful. It was entrancing. It felt good and right. Besides, it was just a light.
Jack glanced over at Loran who tried to school his expression and failed. He pointed at the boy. "Hey. You knew, didn't you?"
Loran looked guilty and shook his head, face scrunching up like he was almost ready to cry as he mumbled a protest.
"That's why you're not allowed in there!"
"My- my father said I was too young," Loran stammered.
Jack wasn't convinced, but he didn't have time to grill the kid more. Sam's brain, now clearing itself of the swishy aftermath of the light, had kicked into science mode. "Sir, if it's the light itself, then how did Daniel recover just by arriving on the planet?" she pointed out as if she was trying to stick holes into his theory.
"I don't know, Major, but I want you to find out." Using her rank instead of her name, Sam knew Jack was still biting back his anger at the situation. He never like feeling even the slightest bit helpless and helpless was exactly how he felt right then. It was supposed to be an easy mission for them and a weekend off for him. He had plans. He had sleep to catch up on. He had beer to drink and he was missing out on all of it to be stuck on a stupid planet with a stupid light. "Otherwise we're stuck here indefinitely and that's not acceptable."
He lurched to his feet and started to storm toward the hallway. "Ah screw it. We're shutting that thing off," he decided.
As he passed Loran, the boy called out a quiet, "No!" in protest and Jack stopped long enough to turn to him and point. "You stay here," he demanded as he continued on. Loran stepped out of the path of Carter and Teal'c, torn between following Jack's order and chasing after them to stop them before they could enter the forbidden room.
"What are we looking for, sir?" Carter asked as they passed the threshold.
Jack kept his eyes on the device, trying not to watch the play of light that washed across it. It was like a liquid made of light, glowing from the inside like nothing he had ever seen before. It swirled and danced and he fought to keep his attention away from it. "The off switch," he called out, reminding himself as much as her. He lifted a hand to the device, watching the light as it interacted with his hand, almost like the glow was an organic living thing that wrapped itself carefully around him. "Alright, if we can't shut the uh, the thing off," he drawled out, his voice slowing as he became more engaged with the light, "We'll…"
He barely heard Teal'c's shout of his name. It was like the word was on the outskirts of his brain and it was so easy to ignore it, to fall into the glow and let it envelope him and wrap through his brain. Somehow he managed to yank himself out of it and stepped back. "Aw man, that thing's dangerous."
He was now convinced that the light was somehow responsible for everything that was going wrong. And he knew the longer they spent with it, the worse the aftermath would be when they returned to Earth. Somehow they had to make it stop.
Carter circled the base of the device. "My guess is the control mechanism is somewhere inside this pedestal," she theorized. "If we focus our attention on that, we should be alright."
Jack nodded. "Let's get to work, then."