A/N – It's been great to see a couple more reviews for the last chapter, if you guys could keep that up, it would mean everything to me. Your reviews, thoughts and advice are what keep my stories moving, or else I feel like I'm writing for no one. Many thanks to Judging. All Day Every Day, SerenTheWitch and Guest for reviewing!
Chapter Seven – Africa by Toto
Trudging through the entrance hall, we were met by some (pretty good-looking, even my emo arse had to admit) guy who was probably a few years older than us. Twenty-five, twenty-six at a push. He introduced himself as a worker for a charity that specialised in sending clothes to disadvantaged countries. He asked us each to grab a bin bag that was on the floor and follow him to the main hall.
"Okay, so all these clothes have been donated by members of the public," he told us with an 'I'm such a good person' smile, opening the hall door and gesturing to the gigantic pile of clothes in the middle of the room.
"Holy fuck, that's a lot of clothes," I muttered. This was gonna take us for-fucking-ever.
"We need to sort them before we ship them out to Africa," Charity Guy continued.
"Just another day in paradise," said Alisha with derision.
"Yeah well, I'm sure the people receiving them will be really grateful for all your hard work," said Charity Guy, that infuriating smile never wavering.
"Yeah, they should be! They're getting a new wardrobe," Alisha retorted, dumping her bin bag in the pile, as did Nathan, Kelly and Curtis.
"That's so fucking wrong, man," I laughed, tossing my own bin bag as hard in the direction of Clothing Mountain as I could. It didn't occur to me that the bag wasn't sealed until what seemed like every last bit of fabric in that bag were also sailing through the air. Charity Guy gave me a really weird look, like he was expecting an apology.
I sighed heavily; good-looking or not, this guy was definitely gonna get on my tits before the end of the day. "Shit. My bad, dude."
"It's...it's fine. Now, these are the categories they need to be sorted in to," he carried on his speech. "It's children's clothes, shoes, coats, that kind of thing. Okay, so if you've got any questions, just ask."
Nathan thrust his hand into the air. Oh God. "If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?"
Before Charity Guy had a chance to reply, I interrupted with, "The shark, obviously. Haven't you seen Jaws? Those motherfuckers would rip a bear apart!"
"Yeah, but sharks haven't got any legs. They'd be fucked on land!" Nathan argued.
"No way," I insisted. "I bet if sharks put enough brain power into it, they could use their fins as legs. Bears can only swim in shallow freshwater, not the ocean. Ergo, shark over bear."
"Pfft. You are so wrong," Nathan snorted. He pointed at Charity Guy. "You're the only person who can settle this. Bear or shark?"
There was a silence as Charity Guy stared at the two of us in what I assumed was disbelief. Or confusion. Or just plain WTF. "If anyone's got any relevant questions, just ask." Alisha giggled at him. Charity Guy turned to go, before looking back at me and Nathan and saying, "If it's on dry land, I'd bet on the bear."
"No way! It'd be the shark! You're in denial!" I shouted after him as he left. He didn't turn back. "Pussy." However, not one to skip over what I consider important details, I had noticed Alisha staring after him with a look that just screamed that she thought he was hot and was possibly considering ways she could ride him like a Harley. Personally, though I had already admitted he was good-looking, I had turned myself away from muscled up blondes a long-arse time ago, and do-gooders like him made me want to pull my teeth out. Give me a skinny dark-haired bad boy any day.
Now where could I find one of those…? I thought with a smile, watching Nathan launch himself into the side of the pile of clothing the second the doors closed behind Charity Guy, followed by Alisha and Curtis and Kelly. Sure, why not. I joined in and started burying my way underneath one of the other lumps of miscellaneous fabric, trying to ignore the fusty kind of smell. I closed my hands around some kind of fabric and tunnelled back out again.
As I emerged back into the light, I realised I'd grabbed a pair of tan coloured plus-size woman's control knickers. Who the fuck donates that to a continent where 'plus size' was the equivalent of about seven stone?! I almost dropped them, but I grinned to myself, coming up with an idea.
Hehehe, prank time.
Nathan now had his back to me, rooting through a different pile. As quietly as I could, I snuck up behind him and pulled the knickers down over his head, the crotch covering his eyes, nose and most of his mouth.
"Argh! I'm blind! What the fuck?!" he shrieked, reaching up and yanking them off his face as I screeched with laughter. "Bloody hell, Blake! You nearly gave me a fuckin' heart attack!"
"Who's the panty sniffer now?" I giggled.
"Oh you are so payin' for that one!" he grinned. Quick as anything, he jumped at me and picked me up as I protested loudly. He swung me around a few times before releasing me and sending me flying through the air. Though I was screaming as many profanities I could think of to start, as soon as I hit the pile of clothing with a weird huffing noise, I had to burst out laughing.
"Dickhead!" I reached up and seized hold of the cuff of his jumpsuit, pulling as hard as I could to yank him down next to me. Now he was the one laughing, slapping me with a nondescript piece of fabric as I fought back with a holey West Ham footie top. We scuffled for a few seconds before collapsing back into the clothes, out of breath but still full of laughter.
"Get a room, fuckers!" Curtis called at us, before suddenly shoving Alisha so hard she toppled over into the pile with a shriek. Get a room? Oh come on, there was no way I was being that obvious. I was not flirting with Nathan Young. I wasn't! It was banter! Light-hearted banter! Nothing that serious...was it? No. I'd just choose to ignore that butterflies-in-the-tummy feeling I got the second Nathan had picked me up.
"You're one to talk," I shot back at Curtis, gesturing between him and Alisha, who was dusting herself down.
"Don't be a baby," Alisha said with a grin.
"Hey, check this out!" said Kelly suddenly, pulling a pair of SpongeBob pyjama bottoms over the top of her jumpsuit.
"Beautiful, dahling," I said quickly, rolling to the side and scrambling to my feet. Scanning around, I reached into one of the piles and pulled out what looked like an actual ballerina's tutu dress. I pulled it down over my head and twirled around in a circle, feeling like a princess. "Swan Lake, motherfuck-ARGH!" Attempting a pirouette, I caught my foot on a rouge t-shirt and slipped, landing headfirst in the pile of clothes Nathan had started looking through.
"Very graceful, B," he commented, unearthing a ski boot and laughing. "Skiwear, classic. Try walkin' ten miles to the well in these!"
"Yeah, it's well practical to send them to Africa," I said sarcastically. "Who the fuck donates skiwear to a country completely devoid of snow?"
"Twats," he said simply, unearthing a pair of matching ski goggles and pulling them on. "Hey, hey, hey! Who am I?" He proceeded to make a noise like someone had thrown a Chihuahua into a blender. When he'd finished, none of us had a clue what had just come out of his mouth. "Come on! Okay. Alright, alright, I'll give you a clue: I'm an annoying cunt!"
I snorted. "Well that don't take a lot of working out."
"Funny," he retorted. "I'm Bono!" he said as if it was obvious.
"Ah yes, every Irishman's – and vegan's – true idol," I sniggered. "And possibly one of the most overrated musicians in history, just ahead of Phil Collins."
He sighed. "Oh dear, Blakey. We clearly need to educate your taste in music even more than I realised."
"Hey!" I protested. "My taste in music is-" I was interrupted by the front door opening and some rando girl in a leather jacket and baseball cap walked in, accompanied by Sally.
"Who's she?" asked Nathan, as if we had a clue.
I was surprised when Kelly answered, "This girl I had a fight with. I've gotta do some 'restorative justice' bollocks with her."
I smirked, "Have fun. Those sessions are shit. They tried to get me to have one with my ex after I dropped that bowling bowl on him, and they had to end it ten minutes in because I tried to throttle him with the stupid Tory-lookin' tie the fuckhead was wearing."
Kelly could only look at me like I was completely mental whilst Nathan gestured at Sally and said, "Hey, hey. Bono, yeah?"
"What?" was Sally's confused and totally bored reply.
"I'd just ignore him if I were you," I said blandly, rubbing at my left temple.
Nathan dropped his arms in a frustration and said, "I don't know why I bother."
"Then don't," I suggested. Sally told Kelly to go into the probation office, and Kelly very unwillingly did so, standing up with a huff just as Charity Guy came back into the hall.
Alisha was holding up a really pretty white and red-polka dotted dress against herself, and Charity Guy grinned at her and said, "Suit's you." As he walked away again, I saw Alisha give him a seductive smile. Curtis apparently noticed too, as I watched him throw the trainer in his hand to the ground in irritation.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at Alisha's expression. I had truly begun to like the girl and we could possibly even end up as friends, but I swear to God, every single guy who had walked through the community centre doors was automatically attracted to her. Granted, yes, she was beautiful, but her parading around like she was queen of the fucking world was the reason she probably rubbed a lot of people up the wrong way, myself included on many occasions. With a defeated sigh, Curtis turned his attention back to the shoe table. Poor guy. I felt for him. Him and Alisha would have made a proper adorable couple.
"Uh oh," Nathan muttered to me. "Looks like the breaks have been pulled on that Shag Train."
"What a charming image," I muttered back, pulling a pair of rollerskates out of the pile. "Hey, check out these!"
"Ah, nice one!" Nathan exclaimed, ripping them out of my hand and pulling them onto his feet.
"Hey! I wanted those!" I whined like a little girl.
"Don't shit yourself, Blakey. Look." He also held up a pair of skates. "What size are you again?"
"Er…an eight," I admitted, blushing slightly.
"Fuckin' hell, your cock would be massive if you were a bloke!"
"Nathan. You are sick."
"So today's your lucky day, Bigfoot," he joked, handing the other skates to me. "Voila, size eight."
"Funny," I said sourly, putting them on and very shakily standing up.
"Let's roll. Get it? Roll? Cuz we're on rollerskates?" Nathan said, gesturing me to follow him to the wall he was leaning on.
"Never make that joke again. And what are we doing, exactly?" I asked him, still extremely unstable on the skates, almost falling arse over tit precisely twice and I hadn't even attempted to move yet.
"This." Nathan pushed himself away from the wall and grabbed my hand so I was rolling along beside him without moving my feet. After a few seconds, I picked up enough confidence to skate by myself, but kept hold of Nathan's hand anyway. There was no denying it, I looked like Bambi on ice.
As we approached the windows to the probation office, Nathan pulled me to him. He slipped one arm around my waist so and stuck out our holding hands in a ballroom dance-style.
Out of nowhere, Nathan opened his mouth and began to make a noise like an opera singer. A tone-deaf opera singer, mind you, and I couldn't help but snort at him. We peered into the window as we glided past, trying to have a nose. Kelly looked absolutely bored shitless, and the other girl looked like she was in a right strop, although Kelly did grin when she saw us.
"We got her to laugh, so I feel like our work here is done," I said with a cheeky grin.
"Good Samaritan deed for the day completed," Nathan agreed. "Back to Mount Fabric we go." As we tried to turn around, Sally yanked open the office door, making us both jump and almost lose our footing.
"Both of you, take the rollerskates off!" We didn't move. "And the goggles," she added to Nathan. "TAKE THEM OFF!" The sudden shout made me jump so badly that I completely lost my balance in those pissing skates and toppled to the floor with a startled yell. Because I was still holding Nathan's hand, of course I dragged him down as well, causing him to landing in a heap on top of me.
"Shit! You okay?" he asked, concerned. His arms were either side of my head, his green eyes staring into my brown ones and our mouths just inches apart. My heart was hammering in my chest. Could I...should I...? No. No, I couldn't. It would ruin everything.
"Can't feel pain, remember? I'm fine," I reminded him, quickly shoving him off me - probably more violently than needed - so I could sit up and unclip those skates.
"Ow! You might not, but I fuckin' can!" he protested, rubbing the back of his head as he too sat up and removed his own skates.
"Poor baby," I said with an eye roll, hooking my arms under his armpits and hauling him to his feet. "However will you cope?"
"I'm sure you're like eighty percent less sympathetic towards me since we got banged up," he grumbled as we walked back to where Alisha and Curtis were. Alisha had put on a silver minidress and climbed onto one of the tables, and Curtis was wearing a white top hat and carrying a cane. Both of them were laughing again. Hm, maybe things with them would be okay.
I picked up a silvery-white blazer and threw it to Nathan. "Hey, this is so you." He stuffed his arms into the sleeves and struck a John Travolta Saturday Night Fever pose. I laughed at him and decided to wrap a full sized fur coat around my shoulders. This was the most fun we'd had the entire time we'd been on community service.
"YOU SLUT WHORE!" A sudden scream came from the probation office and Sally appeared, shoving the girl in the leather jacket out of the room towards the door. I didn't miss the very bloody nose that girl was now sporting, no doubt courtesy of a Bailey Special – a headbutt clean to the face.
"SHOVE OFF, YA TWAT!" Kelly yelled, and the next thing I knew, I was wiped out by a plastic chair sailing out of the office door and colliding with my chest.
"Motherfucker!" I grunted as I hit the linoleum floor with a dull thunk sound. Rolling over, I shoved the chair off me and just sat there, watching the drama unfold as I tried to get some air back into my lungs. If there was one thing I'd noticed since developing this power, it was that trauma – to the chest or otherwise – now seemed to leave me much more breathless that it ever had before.
Kelly came storming out of the office herself, glaring after the other two. "I was try'na be nice!" She glowered at Nathan, Curtis, Alisha and I before turning and stomping from the hall.
I think that went pretty well," Curtis said flatly.
I couldn't help but snigger. "I told her that restorative justice was a shit idea," I input in a sing-song voice.
"I'm so fuckin' bored, man," Alisha moaned, yawning and hopping down from the table. "We deserve a break, right? I'm going outside. You coming?" she added that end part to Curtis, who gave her his 'sexy look' and the two of them headed out the door without a single look back at Nathan and I.
"Maybe I was wrong," noted Nathan. "Looks like the Shag Train is rollin' straight into Fuck Station."
"Seriously, will you stop saying that?" I said. "You sound like an up-and-coming serial rapist." I shucked the fur from around my shoulders and dumped it on the COATS table. The two of us stayed in the hall for another twenty minutes, mindlessly throwing clothes at each other and trying to get a bit more done, which wasn't much given it was just the two of us at this point.
Eventually though, I stood up and stretched. "Jesus, my legs are dead, and if I spend anymore time staring at clothing, I am gonna lose it. I'm gonna go find Kelly. You coming?"
"Yeah, sure. I am dyin' to know what happened," Nathan replied, taking off his blazer, and the two of us set
Kelly was standing around in the entrance hall, smoking and looking severely pissed off. When she saw us coming, she dropped her cigarette and stubbed it out before going into the locker room. We followed her in, Curtis catching up with us outta nowhere. Was it me, or did he look slightly traumatised? Naturally I looked around, but there was no Alisha.
"Praaaise restorative justice!" Nathan sang after Kelly.
"I was only sayin' that the lad she used to go out with was a dick!" she said defensively. "I was only bein' nice!"
"Oh yeah, you were bein' lovely," Nathan said sarcastically. "Right up until you threw the chair at her!"
"Cheers for that, by the way!" I said jokingly, pulling my jeans from my locker. "Can't wait to see the bruise from that! Next time, give a sister some warning!"
"Shit, yeah, sorry Blake," she apologised, but she was smiling. Couldn't deny her that, it had been funny. "Swear I wasn't aiming for ya."
Suddenly, Curtis slammed his hand against his locker and irately exclaimed, "You don't be doin' that shit around me!" I turned to look at him, and saw Simon standing by Curtis, a weird expression on his face. Curtis gave him a curious look. "You been in here all day?"
Simon grinned oddly at him, "Yep."
"And? Did anyone come in?" I asked urgently. "Did anything happen?"
With the creepy little smile still on his face, Simon replied, "No, nothing. No one came in."
Nathan gave a gasp and sardonically said, "That's an anti-climax!"
I elbowed him in the ribs. "Stop being a dick. It's not his fault that nobody decided to come in and leave another threatening note for us. At least I can sleep peacefully tonight." Nobody seemed to disagree with me, and the five of us continued changing back into our casual clothes without many more words being said.
By our standards, this had been a relatively successful, calm day. If I ignored the office equipment assault, that was. I was reflecting on a few things as I drove through the estate on my way home. Maybe the notes in Curtis and Nathan's lockers really were just pranks. Unless whoever it was had overheard our conversation this morning to leave Simon behind. No...no, that wouldn't be it, if someone had overheard us discussing someone's invisibility then we'd all be locked up in the mental unit, and believe me, I was not going back there again. The people I'd had to talk to during group sessions during my two-week stay were fucking fruitcakes.
Turning down my estate block, I began to notice my car was making the strangest grinding sound. Every time I changed gear, it sounded like the gearstick was dragging against the engine or something, I don't know, I don't know how cars work! What I did know, however, was that smoke certainly shouldn't have been beginning to pour out from under the bonnet.
"Shit!" I cursed to myself, managing to park up and scramble out of the car, gripping my head with my hands. "Shit!" I wrenched the bonnet open and immediately choked on the excess smoke that blew out in the summer breeze. Oh brilliant, this was exactly what I needed. So much for a calm and relatively successful day.
A blocked engine radiator. Apparently I hadn't been taking as good care of the Polo as I thought. A panicked phone call to my dad that involved me telling him my car had blown up had then resulted in him driving over himself to see what the problem was. Of course, dearest darling Jason Harper was no mechanic and had absolutely zero idea what the fuck had happened, so then it was him calling an actual mechanic and telling him that my car had blown up.
Anyway, the short and short of it is, my engine was backed up with a load of fluid and shit and was gonna be out of commission for the next few days at the garage. My dad, bless him, was sweet enough to pay whatever the bill would be given that I was completely unemployed. Still, I wasn't exactly happy about not having a car. Sure, my legs worked, but I'd grown very a custom to being able to zip around the estate in a matter of moments, not the half an hour it would now take to bloody get anywhere.
As it was, I had no option but to be up bright and early the next morning to begin my walk to the community centre. It was a lovely day, as much as I hated to admit it. Maybe the sunshine and fresh air would do me some good. I was in relatively good spirits, taking in deep breaths to take in the crispness of the air, kicking up stones with my scuffed old Doc Martens and just generally appreciating the all around quietness of the estate at this hour.
Turning away from the suburban streets, I headed down a dirt track surrounded by trees that served as a decent shortcut. It also involved me having to walk past the flyover. Between the dead bodies we had stored there and last week's, ahem, revelation that took place beneath it, that lump of concrete was rapidly becoming my least favourite place on the estate. Now I found myself wishing I had my car back even more.
As I approached the flyover, I saw Simon walking a few metres ahead of me.
"Simon!" He turned around hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure he'd heard me. I waved to him and jogged to catch up to him. "Hiya!"
"G-good morning," he said, sounding almost surprised that I'd talk to him, putting his iPod in his pocket. "How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine. You?"
"I'm well, thanks. I thought you normally drove to the centre?"
"You would be correct, however my darling car decided to have a bitch-fit last night and will now be un-driveable for the foreseeable future."
"Oh. I see." There was a somewhat awkward silence in which I sort of regretted catching up with him. Then he pointed to my t-shirt. "I didn't realise you liked Batman?" He voiced it as a question.
"Hm?" I looked down at the symbol emblazoned on my off-shoulder t-shirt. "Oh, yeah. I love Batman. Anything DC, really. I've been a big fan since I was like, nine."
"I'm- I'm a fan too. I bought my first comic when I was seven," he replied.
"Really? Who's your favourite character?"
"I don't really have one. Maybe Mister Freeze. Do you?"
"Of course. I've always loved Harley. You know, Harley Quinn?"
"The Joker's girlfriend?"
"Yeah, her. She's amazing. But I didn't see her in The Animated Series until way after it aired, so before Harley it was Catwoman. God, I wanted to be Catwoman so badly but I'm so bloody clumsy that that could never happen." As if on cue, I got my foot caught under an exposed root as we headed down the dirt trail and tripped, landing flat on my face. "Fuck. Everything." I scrambled to my feet, dusting mud off my skinny jeans.
Simon laughed quietly. "I guess I can see where you're coming from."
"Hey!" I shoved him lightly in jest. "I'll have you know that-" I was interrupted by what sounded like heavy machinery. Or tractors. Simon and I rounded the first pillar of the flyover and were confronted with the sight of a load of builders with spades, jackhammers and even fricking bulldozers. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!
"Oh shit! Ohhhh no," I hissed, tightly grabbing Simon's hand out of shock and fear. "Are they digging where we buried the probation worker?!"
"I think so. Ow!" he cried in pain, pulling his hand out of mine. He had several crescent-shaped indents in his palm; I hadn't even noticed I'd been digging my nails into him, let alone that hard.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" I said frantically.
"It's fine, don't worry about it," he said quickly, before hurrying over to the nearest builder. "Excuse me!"
"Yes, son?" said the builder good-naturedly.
"What are you building here?" Simon asked him.
"It's an environmental monitoring station, lad," said the builder. "It measures the carbon monoxide levels. Why do you ask?"
"Oh. It's just this- this thing we're doing at uni," I answered quickly. "A report on the local area. Thanks, sir." I grabbed Simon by the arm and dragged him away. The second we were out of earshot I rapidly said, "This is bad. We need to get to the community centre. Now." and the two of us took off at a much faster pace in that direction.
"Please let everybody be in one place, please let everyone be in on place," I prayed as we got to the community centre about ten minutes faster than normal, extremely out of breath.
"It'll be okay," Simon promised me, just as a tan-coloured sedan swerved round to a stop in front of us. The driver's door opened, and of course it just had to be fucking Sally who got out.
"Well my morning just keeps getting better," I mumbled, raking a hand through my hair. What had I done in the last 18 hours that had pissed off God so much? It was because I nicked that Oasis t-shirt from the charity pile, wasn't it.
"Hi!" Sally said cheerfully, and I couldn't help but notice that she was directing it solely at Simon. Insert classic, 'What am I, chopped liver?' gag here.
"Hi?" Simon sounded dumbfounded as to why she was paying him even a fleck of attention.
"Nice shirt, that colour really suits you," she complimented him.
"…B-blue," was all Simon said as I stood there with my mouth almost agape. What the fuck was going on?!
"Are you okay?" Oh and now she was playing the concerned card, although she did also turn to look at me. "And you, Blake? You both look like you've seen a ghost."
With A+ comic timing, both Simon and I pulled the most unconvincing, teeth-baring smiles at her at exactly the same time. Believable, no, terrifying, yes. And lucky for us, terrifying enough that Sally let us go, the two of us hurrying past her into the building.
As we burst through the doors, there was nobody in sight. We checked the entrance hall, the main hall, the locker room, hell, I even checked the girls' toilets. Nothing.
"The roof!" Simon suddenly said.
"Good call," I replied, heading up the stairs that lead to the roof.
When Simon and I shoved our way through the roof door, sure enough, there was Nathan sitting in one of the chairs glaring at a wine bottle, his fingers pressed to his temples. Curtis was also there, reclining back on the lounger, his arm over his eyes.
"Okay, we have got one mega motherfucker of a problem!" I announced to the two of them.
"Will you shut up!" Nathan said snippily. "I nearly had it!"
"Alright, bitch boy, chill your shit," I retorted.
"What's he doing?" Simon asked Curtis.
"He's tryin' to smash the bottle with his mind," replied Curtis, sounding bored. Needless to say, Nathan started jabbing his arms at the bottle and making constipated noises in his attempt to go all Carrie White on it. Curtis sat up and stared at Nathan in exasperated disgust. "I think he's gonna shit himself."
Nathan's face was becoming more and more annoyed, until he flung his leg out and knocked the bottle flying with an angry cry of "Bullshit!" The bottle hit the concrete and smashed into smithereens at my feet.
"You done?" I said, using the same bored tone Curtis had used earlier. "Now will you please shut the fuck up and listen to us?!"
"I've got a power, I know it! I can feel it in my balls!" he insisted, not shutting the fuck up, not listening, and instead grabbing at his gonads. Charming.
"We've got a problem!" Simon tried to get through to him instead.
Nathan totally ignored him as well and turned to Curtis. "It's like a soft…vibratin'. You get that, yeah?"
Curtis raised an eyebrow at him and tersely said, "No."
"They're gonna dig up the bodies!" Simon and I exclaimed at the same time.
Nathan looked at us sharply and Curtis moved round in an actual sitting position. "What are you on about?" he asked.
"They're building an environmental monitoring station under the flyover!" Simon elaborated.
"They're building a what?" said Nathan moronically. "That sounds made up, are we supposed to know what that is?"
"It's to measure the carbon monoxide from the flyover! When they dig the foundations they'll find the bodies!" Simon's voice dropped to a whisper.
"Look, what it is isn't important!" I snapped. "What is important is working out what the fuck we're gonna do about it!"
Just then, the roof door open and Alisha sauntered out, looking a bit ruffled. "Hey, the probation worker's looking for all of you. She's spazzing out 'cause you lot are all, like, AWOL." All four of us looked between each other, unsure who should break the news to her. "Why you all acting like retards?"
I sighed. "Alisha, there's something we need to tell you."
"We need to move them!" Curtis quietly informed us all twenty minutes later as we sat in the main hall sorting through the clothes again.
"Oh, a couple of questions," Nathan whispered, adjusting the sports bra he'd put on over his jumpsuit. "How? Where? Are you out of your mind?"
"If we leave them there, they'll find them!" Curtis spat.
"Oh, whereas diggin' 'em up and walkin' around with 'em, that's a real low-risk strategy!" Nathan hissed sarcastically.
"Well what do you suggest we do then, Mr All-Knowing?" I whispered angrily. The two of us had barely spoken today and when we had, we'd been doing nothing but getting irritated with each other, a telltale sign we were both stressed out and both refusing to admit it.
"Well, why doesn't he -" Nathan made whistling noises and twirled his fingers around to indicate going back in time. "And stop us killing the probation worker in the first place?!"
"You show me how it works and I'll do it!" Curtis snapped, clearly irked. There was a slightly awkward silence in which Nathan seemed to actually realise he was wrong for a change.
"Guys. Please stop," I said wearily. "Arguing ain't gonna solve shit, and I'm including myself in that."
"We need a car." Simon brought us straight back to the issue at hand.
"Have you got a car?" Nathan asked him.
Simon shook his head. "No."
"Great, maybe we should call a cab!" Nathan said with disdain. "Better make it a seven-seater!"
"Nathan, what did I just say?" I warned him.
"Didn't realise you were my mum now," he sulked.
"Didn't realise you'd taken extra strength dickhead pills this morning," I shot back.
"Well where's your car then?!" he demanded. "I don't see you rushing to be productive!"
"Oh yeah, because informing everyone that our arses are half a metre of dirt away from a prison cell isn't productive at all!" I said heatedly. "And just FYI, my car's in the garage! It's fucking useless at the moment, kinda like you."
Nathan opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by the front doors opening and Kelly walking in, seriously late, even for a young offender. She looked different to how she usually did. Though she was still wearing pink trackies and a blue shirt, her hair was down, a cap was clamped down on her head and a pair of sunglasses were firmly over her eyes. It was a look that just screamed hangover from hell.
"Kelly? Are you alright?" I asked her, concerned.
"'M fine," was her quiet reply.
"Where've you been?" Alisha questioned her.
"Had to go doctor's" she said shadily, adjusting her sunglasses.
"Yeah? Well while you were gettin' your smear test – BIG SHOCK! We found out the bodies are about to be dug up!" Nathan hissed to her.
"They're building an environmental monitoring station under the flyover, right where we buried them, shock horror," I explained tiredly, rubbing at my forehead where I felt a headache coming on in the worst way.
"Sounds like bullshit, right?" said Nathan.
"Can you steal a car?" Alisha asked her abruptly. Curtis turned and asked her the same thing.
"Will ya all fuck off?" Kelly said hotly, storming over to the SHOES table and pushing a load off so she could sit down.
"Alright, touchy," said Nathan. "Come on, look!" He stood up and planted his hands on his hips. "We're a bunch of young offenders and not one of us knows how to steal a car? That is pathetic!"
"Yeah, well to be honest, I've had better things to do with my life than learn how to hotwire a car," I replied coolly, standing up as well and flicking a skirt at him.
Alisha also stood up and butted in with, "Look, I'll borrow my dad's car!" Nathan clicked his fingers and pointed to her in agreement.
"'Cause you're banned from driving, so that makes sense, right?" Curtis said derisively.
"Oh, you're like a whiny little bitch!" Alisha snapped at him. Christ, there must have been something in the water making us all at each others' throats.
"Guys, guys, guys, come on!" Nathan said, clapping at them before moving to stand between them. "We need to work together!" He put an arm around each of their shoulders. "Think of it as a team buildin' exercise, huh? I'm feelin' this! Are we feelin' this?"
"Prick," Alisha spat, jerking away from him. Curtis did the same, angrily throwing the t-shirt he was holding into one of the piles of clothes, leaving Nathan awkwardly standing there.
"You should be one of them motivational speakers," I told him. "You'd make shitloads of cash!"
"Funny thing, I always wanted to do that," he shot back. "By that, I mean makin' shitloads of cash. So Blakey," He draped an arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. "You feelin' the team buildin'?"
I grinned at him, silently cursing my inability to stay angry with him for more than a few hours. "Sure I am, Nate. Let's rock this shit."
"Right, I'm not being funny," I said much later that evening. "But how the fuck are we all meant to fit in there?" It was half nine at night, and I was staring at the car Alisha had brought for us to move the bodies. It was a five-seater and there were six of us, eight when we got round to unearthing our maggoty friends.
"It'll work," Alisha said confidently. "Somehow. So what are we gonna do with the bodies when we dig them up, anyway?"
"We…weigh 'em down and toss 'em in the lake!" replied Curtis with certainty, handing Alisha a bundle of blankets and rope to put in the boot.
"Yeah, we do that, and you know what happens next week?" said Nathan, chucking in a spade. "The council are all like, 'let's drag the lake'. So predictable."
"Yeah, so we bury them somewhere else," said Alisha, opening the driver's seat door.
"Oh, but enough with the diggin' and the buryin' already!" Nathan whinged.
"You come up with somethin' then!" said Curtis, sounding irritated.
"We boil them in a bath of sulphuric acid, serial killer-style!" he proclaimed.
"Won't work," I said bluntly. "The acid will dissolve the corpses but leaves behind a gunk that still has bits of bone marrow and other DNA in. If someone found it then we'd still get done for a double homicide. Just look at John Haigh. Sure he got away with it for six years but the cops got him eventually." I tapped my nails on the roof of the car as something in my head clicked. "Oi! Where the fuck am I sitting?!" During my murderous monologue, Simon, Curtis and Kelly had all taken the backseat, Nathan shotgun and Alisha obviously driving. Oh this was not gonna be comfortable.
"I fucking hate this," I griped a few minutes later, sat in the footwell of the passenger seat between Nathan's legs. He'd shoved the seat back as far as he could get it – almost crushing Simon's legs in the process – but I was still crunched up with my chin resting on my drawn-up knees.
As usual, no one paid attention to my complaints. "We could store them in the community centre until we decide what to do with them," Simon suggested.
"Oh great, the community centre!" Curtis sneered. "Because they have a special room for storing rotten corpses!"
"Don't be fucking sarcastic, Curtis," I snapped, feeling a weird closeness to Simon after our chat this morning. He was beginning to feel like a real good mate. A twitchy, wide-eyed, real good mate.
"There's a disused storeroom upstairs," Nathan said absent-mindedly. "I've got a key."
My mouth set in an immediate grimace. Oh good one. I wondered if he'd realised he'd just basically revealed he was homeless.
"Why've you got a key?" Kelly asked curiously. To be honest, it was a minor miracle she'd never heard Nathan or me thinking about it.
Silence. A lot of that seemed to be happening over the last few days. But eventually, Nathan spoke, "I nicked 'em because I'm livin' in the community centre, okay! Happy? Big secret revealed!" There was yet another silence in which Nathan let the news of his homelessness sink in to everyone, before he gestured around me at the dashboard. "This is a sweet ride!" Alisha grinned at him and started the engine before pulling away from the community centre.
Okay, so I now knew how mass murderers in movies felt when they were about to be discovered. Digging is uncomfortable, tiring and messy. By the time we were about three foot into the grave, I was sweaty, exhausted and my jeans were coated in mud. And the smell…urgh, the smell.
Imagine dog shit, dead fish and soured milk all mixed together with a stick wrapped in PE socks that haven't been washed in seven years. That's what it smelt like. It was the officially foulest thing that had ever come into contact with my nostrils. And I'd had to change my little brother's nappy when he had diarrhoea. Not exactly the greatest task for a ten-year-old to do.
"Ah, man! It stinks!" groaned Curtis, pausing his digging and recoiling from the stench, his arm over his nose. "We must be getting close."
"And the prize for the most obvious comment of the night goes to Curtis Donovan!" I said sardonically, leaning on my spade and applauding him. He was about to reply, a narked expression on his face, but was interrupted by Nathan bending over and retching into the half-emptied grave.
"Please don't be sick!" I pleaded. "If you puke, I'll puke! I had lasagne for tea and nobody wants to see that make a reappearance!"
"I'm fine!" he moaned, straightening up and continuing to dig. "I'm fine…" As he thrust his spade back into the dirt, there was this sickening squelchy-crunchy noise…something that vaguely sounded like metal hitting flesh. "I've got somethin'!" He used his spade to dust off whatever it was, and flipped it over. The 'it' in question turned out to be the probation worker's now-severed hand.
"Oops," he said, looking completely grossed out.
My stomach churned violently. "Yep. Here comes the vomit…" I turned away from everyone and was sick quite loudly, but luckily it neatly missed my shoes. There were several noises of disgust around the group, but I didn't really give a fuck. I wiped my mouth on my hoodie sleeve, pulled some gum out of my pocket and popped it in my mouth and looked apologetically at the others. "Sorry about that."
After my little incident, the boys it would be best for me to stand to the side with Alisha and Kelly and hold one of the torches. The boys kept digging…and it seemed like it took forever. But eventually, the bodies of the probation worker and Gary the Gangster were completely unearthed, and the sight of their decomposed corpses very nearly made me puke again.
Thankfully, so I wouldn't have to go anywhere near the bodies, I volunteered for the task of re-filling the grave, and so did Nathan. As Simon, Curtis, Alisha and Kelly all helped wrap the bodies in the blankets, the two of us quietly chucked the dirt back into the hole, the only noise being the scraping of the spades, until Nathan spoke.
"You alright now Blakey?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" I frowned.
"Well, I haven't heard you make any sarcastic comments to me or anyone aside from Curtis in the past hour, nor have you hit me. Plus, y'know, the whole -" He mimed me being sick. "I'm worried about ya."
"No. I'm fine. It's just I'm allergic to the smell of decaying corpses," I shot back.
"Seriously?"
"No, not seriously, you twat," I sighed, shaking my head. "What about you? Are you okay?"
"Oh yeah, I'm havin' the time of my fuckin' life. This is totally how I envisioned my community service – buryin' my probation worker."
"I know right? I can guarantee this is the kind of thing that will get me in a dumped in a place like Arkham Asylum," I commented.
"What the fuck you on about?" Nathan raised an eyebrow at me.
"It's the mental asylum in the Batman comics. No? You've never heard me mention it before? Seriously? Anyway, that's not important, nor is it what I meant. I mean, in the car, you seemed real bummed out."
"I don't exactly relish in the fact everyone knows I'm homeless," he replied.
"Yeah, I guess so. But maybe it's better that everyone knows?" I said softly. "You don't have to bother lying about it now."
"Yeah, but do we all really need to be that intimate with each other's lives?" he retorted. "No. I don't think so. Not so big on the sharin'! Sometimes I don't even like that you knew." By now we'd finished filling in the grave, and he huffed away in the direction of the car, still carrying the probation worker's detached hand.
"Alright, Mr Sensitive," I called after him, dragging my spade along the floor as I really couldn't be bothered to carry it. "Sorry I mentioned it!" I dumped the spade in the boot and went and sat in the passenger seat of the car next to Alisha.
"You feeling okay now?" she asked me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Except that I'm now really, really hungry," I answered.
"Good. I don't want puke in my car," she said.
"I thought it was your dad's car?" I joked. Suddenly, something landed on the windscreen with a nauseating splattering sound. "Holy fucker!" It was the probation worker's hand. Ick.
"Jesus!" gasped Alisha.
Nathan appeared in front of the glass and picked up the hand. He waved it at us and shouted, "Sorry!"
"Prick!" I yelled at him, putting my hand on my chest and trying to slow down my heart rate, as it felt like my heart my burst through my torso.
"For fuck's sake," Alisha grumbled, flicking on the ignition. My door suddenly open, causing my heart rate to rocket back up again. "Come on, Blakey, back on the floor," came Nathan's voice.
"Can't you just sit in the back?" I groaned. "I'm comfortable here."
"I called shotgun!" he complained.
"No you didn't!" I affirmed, folding my arms.
"Well, I'm callin' it now," he said. He suddenly lunged and grabbed hold of one of my legs and pulled, trying to physically drag me out of the car.
"Fucking hell, Nathan! Get off me!" I shrieked, gripping onto the seat. At this point my legs were hanging out of the car as he pulled me. My nails were scraping against the nylon seat and I was totally aware of the fact I was losing.
"For fuck's sake, will ya both just get in the fuckin' car!" Kelly exclaimed angrily. In the few seconds I was distracted by her, Nathan managed to yank my leg hard enough that I flew out of the car, landing in a heap just outside the door. He laughed at me and practically jumped over my head to get in the car.
"Oh you really are a jackass, aren't you," I said sourly.
"Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me, B," he smirked, patting his knees. "In you get."
"I hope you choke on that Marmite sandwich I made you," I pouted, reluctantly resuming my crunched up position in the footwell. The sooner we got back to the community centre to stash these rotten fuckers, the better. No crime was worth this amount of pins and needles.
A/N – Please review! I loved the feedback on my previous chapter so to beat that would be amazing! Xx Gee xX
Chapter Seven Playlist
Here's To Never Growing Up – Avril Lavigne
The Anthem – Good Charlotte