December 1895
"Nessarose, my dear," Frex greeted lovingly as Nessarose entered the front door. "I have missed you so much these long few months."
He leaned over to hug her and Nessa was struck by how his hug felt so comforting but at the same time so wrong. And almost instantly she realized exactly how dangerous being in this house was going to be to the changes she had been working so hard on.
"You must be so tired after such a long trip. Why don't you go freshen up?" Frex said, patting Nessa gently on the shoulder before straightening up and turning to Elphaba. "You. Go with your sister. Assist her in getting ready."
"Father, please," Nessa said unthinkingly. "I can freshen up on my own."
That look, that coldness that Nessa had started to recognize in the memories she had dug up from far back flashed in her father's eyes. But it was not his hand that settled on her shoulder in reassurance.
"But you would appreciate assistance, wouldn't you?" Elphaba suggested.
Her tone was one of energy and vibrance Frex expected from his elder daughter when discussing Nessa's care, but the way her fingers dug into Nessa shoulder indicated her true meaning.
"I mean… I guess I do?" Nessa said slowly, looking up at Elphaba.
She looked back to her father just in time to see the coldness melt away. It was replaced with the warmth she was so used to. It made her insides feel funny.
The way he looked at her. So… loving. Like he truly had her best interests at heart.
Did he believe that?
She had been so preoccupied with the fact that he had been so controlling of her and that his manipulation had made her herself manipulative that she hadn't even stopped to consider that perhaps he didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing.
Nessa continued to consider this all the way into her bedroom. But the door snapped shut and Elphaba turned on her before she could even begin to think about it deeper.
"You can't do that," Elphaba hissed, her voice urgent but quiet enough not to be heard beyond the door. "You can't turn him down like that or you'll cause trouble."
"I'm just changing. I don't need your help to change. I don't want your help to change," Nessa said quickly, dropping her voice to match her sister's. "And I certainly don't want to change in front of you."
"That part doesn't matter. You just have to say yes, okay? Whenever he asks you if you want help or he tells me to help you, just say yes."
"But I don't need your help," Nessa repeated. "That's part of the-the…. the, oh I don't know, manipulation? Control?"
"Yes, but it's also part of the balance. You can't change just one thing and think nothing else will change. What you do affects him which affects me."
Elphaba dropped onto Nessa's bed and laid back. She stared up at the ceiling of Nessa's room, so bright and clean compared to her own overgrown closet next door.
"That's something you need to consider as you go through working on all this," Elphaba continued. "All of this goes the way it does because… well, because that's the way it does. It's not just about you. It's about all of us. It's about me too."
Nessa considered this for a moment before she leaned over to untie her boots and unlock her leg braces. Carefully, she set them aside before opening the wardrobe.
Elphaba could just make out the contents of Nessa's wardrobe from where she lay on the bed. Had it always bore such a resemblance to Galinda's wardrobe? Had there always been that many dresses in such bright colors?
Elphaba's heart gave a jolt as she thought about Galinda and Fiyero. Surely, they had reached the Vinkus by now. What were they doing without her?
Kissing, Elphaba supposed.
The thought of Fiyero and Galinda kissing sent another jolt through her heart, this time far more painful than the first.
She figured it was because she may be jealous. That she may be wishing that one of them was kissing her, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out which one.
"GIRLS!" Frex shouted from the hallway. "Is something wrong? What's taking so long?"
"Just another tock-tick," Elphaba shouted back.
Both she and Nessa, who was returning from the bathroom having changed from her uniform into a simple purple dress, could hear Frex huff from beyond the door.
"Better get going," Elphaba muttered before glancing at Nessa. "Are you ready?"
Nessa nodded and allowed Elphaba to hold the door open for her. The following return down the short hallway seemed to last for eternity.
"Wonderful, wonderful," Frex sighed as Nessa (and Elphaba) took their places at the long wooden dining table. "I figured we would eat in here to celebrate the occasion of your return. I had the cook prepare all your favorite food and a special dessert too. All for you, my dear."
Nessa mustered her most sincere smile, which Frex did not buy.
"Is something wrong?" Frex frowned. "You seem unhappy."
"Oh… Oh, no!" Nessa said quickly, shaking her head. "I'm… I'm very pleased. And grateful. Very grateful."
Frex didn't appear any more convinced, but the arrival of the cook prevented him from pressing further. By the time the clatter of plates and dishes being set on the table died down, he had moved on.
"Now," he began between bites of chicken. "I want to hear all about your classes. Did you enjoy them?"
"Yes."
"How do you think they will affect your rule as Governor?"
Nessa took a bite of her dinner to buy a moment's consideration.
If she were to answer honestly, she would tell him that she really didn't want to be the Governor of Munchkinland. It had always been his plan for her, not her own, and as she worked on changing her behavior and making her own choices, she had decided she did not want to rule over anyone for any reason.
But she couldn't say that.
In any other family, it would be because she didn't have an alternate plan, or even an idea, in mind. But in this family, if she said that, her sister would bear the brunt of her father's anger.
"All the information was so… important, that it's hard to pick certain parts out."
Nessa could feel his eyes boring into her, but continued to avoid eye contact by continuing to focus on her food.
"Of course. That's why I picked them," he said finally. "But there are some topics that are more important than others. You're probably just tired of thinking about them. Exams have just ended after all. Once you've had a few days to rest, you and I can discuss the finer details of your class work and its effect on governing in my study."
He flashed Elphaba a look of disdain, as if the reason he and Nessa had to meet in his study was because of her presence in the house, but she was so used to the looks that it barely registered.
"What I would like to know right now," Frex continued, "is how suitable your lodgings with Madame Morrible were. How was her compartment? Did you have any issues?"
"Yes, actually," Nessa replied before she could stop herself.
Both Elphaba and Frex stiffened.
"What was wrong with them?" Frex asked in a tone much darker than before.
"Well, for one, I wish you would have told me that I was to live in her compartment," Nessa stated, setting down her fork. "We were - I mean, I was under the impression that I was to live with Elphaba. That she would be the one to… assist me."
The last two words felt nasty on her tongue. These past few months, she had worked so hard not to use them, not even to think of them, and here she was saying them aloud.
"I had planned on that at first, yes," Frex admitted. "But in discussions with Madame Morrible about your class schedule and needs, we determined it would be much better for you to share her compartment. She would provide much better assistance than she would."
Frex jerked his head down the table where Elphaba sat.
Elphaba barely registered that comment either as she was too busy wishing she sat closer to Nessa and could give her chair a swift kick.
"But, sir… I mean, father, I would have preferred to live with Elphaba-"
"Has Madame Morrible not been accommodating?"
"No. I mean, yes, she has, but I just meant that-"
"So, you don't need assistance?"
"I didn't say that," Nessa spat, losing control of her tone for the first time so far during this visit. "I do on occasion, but not as often as you think, and Madame Morrible's quarters are much further away from the classroom buildings and other dormitories-"
"So, Madame Morrible has not assisted you as much as you need?" Frex offered, narrowing his eyes.
"Madame Morrible does not assist me!"
There was much more that Nessa wanted to add to that thought, but she froze wide-eyed at the words she had let escape. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, both her sister and father had frozen in the same second in the same way.
"What do you mean Madame Morrible does not assist you?" Frex said angrily. "That was part of our contract. She was supposed to assist you as needed."
"And she has," Nessa added quickly. "As needed, yes. But she's away a lot. Her butler Ralf will assists me when she's not here-"
"Nessarose, if I wanted your care to be in the hands of a Rat butler, I would have boarded you with Elphaba."
Elphaba knew full well that the comment was meant to be an insult, and she would surely be punished for Nessa's anger later, but there was a dark part of her that was thoroughly enjoying how angry Nessa was making their father.
"I can have it arranged that you live in a solo room in the dormitory towers," Frex growled. "If you want to live alone that badly, then we can have it arranged."
"Father, I didn't say that," Nessa cried frustratedly. "I just meant that… I do want assistance. Sometimes. But I can do more on my own than you give me credit for and- and… Honestly, I just wished I would have known about it before I went to school."
Nessa broke eye contact with her father, both breathing hard. She returned her attention to her meal and consciously relaxed her fists, which she had been clenching so hard that her knuckles had gone white.
Though neither Elphaba nor Nessa would look at him, they could hear Frex's seething anger in the violent stabs of his fork on the plate as he resumed eating.
Nessa fought back both her guilt at what this would mean for Elphaba later as well as the bubble of anger she had not realized had grown so big over the last few months.
"Do you want assistance or not?"
"I want to assistance somet-"
"Do you want assistance or not?"
"Father, I want help somet-"
"IT IS A YES OR NO QUESTION, NESSAROSE," Frex roared. "YES OR NO?"
Frex's fist came down hard on the table. Every plate jumped, silverware clattering against the polished wood.
Both Nessa and Elphaba flinched hard.
Immediately, Frex's whole demeanor changed. The expression so full of rage transformed instantaneously into one of remorse.
"Oh my dear, dear Nessarose," he said softly, rising at once to attend to his youngest daughter. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I just care about you so and I want you taken care of."
Nessa said nothing. She stared at her father and forced herself not to flinch again as he knelt beside her chair and stroked her arm.
"It- It's alright," Nessa lied. "It's- It's okay."
Frex hung his head in shame and Nessa found herself patting the hand laid on her shoulder reassuringly.
"I… I am very tired," she squeaked. "I think I just want to take a bath and go to bed. If that's alright with you."
"Of course, my dear," Frex murmured. "Yes, yes. Whatever you want, my dear."
"Elph- Elphaba?" Nessa said softly, turning from her father to her sister. "Will… Will you come draw the bath for me?"
"I need to speak to your sister," Frex muttered. "You retire to your room and your sister will be along shortly."
"No," Nessa responded firmly. "I want Elphaba with me. To… assist me."
Frex considered her for a moment before he gave her a soft smile.
"Of course, my dear. Of course," Frex said, nodding, before his head snapped in the direction of Elphaba. "Elphaba. Go draw a bath for your sister."
"Yes, sir," Elphaba replied, out of her chair before Frex could finish his sentence.
Nessa let Elphaba wheel her away in the direction of the bedrooms.
Once there, she managed to tell Elphaba that she didn't really mean for her to run a bath but rather to get her out of their father's grasp and suggested Elphaba sneak back to her room through their connected bathroom.
Elphaba opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to decide otherwise. Instead, she just nodded and left Nessa be.
She still ran the bath though. Nessa could hear the water running shortly after Elphaba left the room. Her natural instinct was to be frustrated at having her directions ignored, but a calmer voice in her head rationalized that Frex was listening for the sound and it was safest to let the water run.
The bath water was very nearly cold by the time Nessa decided to get into the bathtub.
It had been designed and built especially for her by one of the top architects in all of Oz. Deeper than a typical bathtub, it had been fitted with a special door and had a seat hewn from the stone.
She drained it and refilled it with hot water, the wet stone cold against her skin.
As the water rose over her feet, it occurred to her how unique this bathtub really was. It had been expensive, that she knew, but her father had always told her that he would never spare an expense to make sure she was taken care of. And though she knew that money had not been invested in Elphaba in the same way, that didn't take away from the fact that they had money to spare.
How many other fathers out there wished they could do that for their children? To be able to spare no expense on them?
She had never before considered that. Really considered that.
How many children, how many people, used a wheelchair like she did across Munchkinland? Across all Oz? How many may not use a wheelchair but were disabled nonetheless?
Could they get what they needed? What did they do if they couldn't?
The water rose to her waist and Nessa reached to turn it off.
The steam coiled and spun off from the water. She traced her finger through the wisps as they floated before bringing her hand to her forehead.
She had never argued with her father like that before. Never. And never had he ever been so angry with her. That anger was usually reserved for Elphaba.
Nessa buried her head in both her hands.
How could she have before just sat there and let that happen? How could she have not defended Elphaba before? When Elphaba had always done so much for her?
Water dripped down Nessa's face. She was unsure of whether it was bath water or tears. And she honestly didn't care about the answer.
What she did care about was Elphaba. And it pained Nessa that after her bath, she chose to lay in bed instead of go comfort her sister as Elphaba would have done.
"How are you feeling?"
Nessa raised her head from the pillow.
Elphaba hovered near the door to the bathroom. She was dressed in her nightgown, her hair falling over her shoulder in its typical braid.
Nessa adjusted herself into a sitting position.
"Fine. How are you?"
"Fine," Elphaba replied, shrugging.
"Elphaba, I'm sorry. I didn't listen to you," Nessa apologized, rubbing her temple. "You told me not to say anything. To just keep it the same, to just keep things like normal, and I didn't do that. I'm so sorry. He's- He's going to get mad and take it out on you and I should have seen that and stopped but-"
"You stopped him. You might not have done what I asked, but you did stop him," Elphaba said softly. She took a seat at the foot of the bed. "You brought me back here with you without being asked to. That stopped him from doing what he usually would. That's new. And that's just as good."
Ice dropped into Nessa's stomach.
"Is that how it …" Nessa said quietly. "Is that how you've always felt? That scared of him?"
"Eh." Elphaba shrugged again. "I got used to it eventually."
"But is that how you felt?"
Elphaba let out a sigh.
"Yes."
"I'm so sorry, Elphaba," Nessa wept, her words almost lost in her tears. "I am so, so sorry. For so long, I didn't pay attention. I just let it happen and I am so, so sorry. I should have listened to you. This time and all the times before."
"I appreciate your apology."
Nessa buried her face in her hands once more and let out a shudder.
Elphaba automatically pulled a blanket over her exposed legs. She ran a gentle, green hand over the blanket, smoothing out the wrinkles even long after the wrinkles were gone.
"You're incredible."
Elphaba stopped stroking Nessa's legs and looked up at her. At the look on Elphaba's face, Nessa's expression grew worried.
"Did I say something wrong? I'm so sorry-"
"No, no," Elphaba said quickly, shaking her head and resuming the soft strokes. "It's just… not what I expected you to say."
"It's true," Nessa said softly. "To go through that your whole life and to end up kind. To still care about things and people and… and me. You're just so strong. Incredible."
"Thank you, Nessa."
Nessa gulped and nodded. But her chest continued to heave and tears continued to fall.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't stop-"
"It's okay," Elphaba reassured. "This is normal. It happens to me sometimes. It really hits you afterwards when you're away from it. When you relax."
Elphaba climbed onto the bed and crawled on the far side of Nessa. She nudged Nessa into lying back down and then wrapped her in her arms.
They laid like that for a long time.
Nessa sobbed into Elphaba's chest as Elphaba rubbed her back. They both wondered how many times Elphaba had done this alone and both promised themselves they would never let that happen again.
"I think that if there is a god out there, some kind of deity that controls the universe," Elphaba murmured. "I think they made us sisters on purpose. They put us together because they knew we were going to go through some shit."