Cellular Feats of Strength

"Absolutely no way. It's just not possible."

"Oh come on, we absolutely could! We carry oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nutrients all over the body! It's not impossible!"

It was a pleasant day in the body. No germs were attacking, nutrients were coming in, and everything seemed to be going well.

During their break, Red Blood Cell AE-3803 and her senpai, AA-5100 ran into White Blood Cell U-1146 and his three friends. The six cells began talking, and soon they found themselves in a fierce battle of beliefs.

It started because U-4989 accidentally knocked over the oxygen boxes on a cart. When he was reloading, he casually remarked that the boxes were heavy, and that he couldn't imagine carrying them around all day. From then it spiralled into an apparently controversial question: who was stronger, erythrocytes or neutrophils?

"Then why don't you help out when germs attack?" said U-2626.

"Because we have no training, no weapons, and a responsibility to focus on getting oxygen to where it needs to go," 5100 responded, pointing at 2626 with her glucose cone.

"Besides, if we had to carry the same equipment around as you guys, we wouldn't be able to deliver as much oxygen. It would just get in the way," 3803 pointed out.

U-1146 nodded. "Yes, that does make sense."

"Oh come on! Don't take their side!"

"I don't even see the point in arguing about this. We are different cells with different rolls. Both of our roles are necessary for the health of this world. Why bother arguing about who is stronger?"

"Because it's fun!" U-4989 responded.

U-2626 turned to the only member who had been silent so far. "U-2048, what do you think?"

U-2048 looked around at the group. "I mean, yes, erythrocytes carry those boxes around all day. But I mean, is it even really a question? Just looking at you guys physically, erythrocytes are smaller than neutrophils. Plus, you guys can only digest glucose, but neutrophils get nutrients from various sources, and we have mitochondria to turn it into energy much more efficiently. You guys don't have mitochondria."

AA-5100 crossed her arms. "Neutrophils also have nuclei, so you'd think you'd be smarter than this. The reason red blood cells don't have any mitochondria, or most other organelles, is to make room for lots and lots of hemoglobin. Which is for carrying all that oxygen around!"

U-2048 narrowed his eyes. "Alright, Miss Hemoglobin, you're on. Why waste any more time talking about this, when we can test it right here, right now? Let's have a little competition, you and me."

AA flipped her hair with mock pompousness. "Oh-ho! I like what I'm hearing! how shall we compete?"

"Arm wrestling. It'll get right to the heart of the matter."

"Okay, okay, this is all well and good. Should we have a forfeit? After all that's been said, I'm not sure I'm satisfied with just being crowned the champion."

"Bold of you to assume you'll be the champion."

"Bold of you to assume I'm assuming. I know I'll be the champion." AA tapped her chin. "Okay, how about this. When I win, you'll have to put one of your uniforms in the wash with the erythrocyte uniforms, then wear that uniform for a whole day. I think pink will be a very pretty color on you!"

"Ooo, you're evil. Okay. And when I win, you'll have to have Dendritic Cell take a picture of you holding a sign saying 'White Blood Cells are the Best Blood Cells."

"Deal." AA held out her hand, and 2048 shook it vigorously.

"Shall we sit down?" asked 2048, indicating a nearby table.

"Sure. I'm itching to start."

The two cells sat across from each other at the table and took off their right gloves. AA took off her jacket, and 2048 rolled up his sleeve. They placed their elbows on the table and clasped hands.

"Just making sure we're playing by the same rules, no lifting your elbow from the table, you must force the back of your opponent's hand to the table, no standing up or using two hands. Good?"

AA nodded. "Fine with me. Let's get this show on the road."

U-2048 looked to 1146. "Give us a countdown?"

U-1146 shrugged. "Sure. On your marks…"

U-2048 looked back at his opponent.

"Get set…"

Both cells leaned forward, tense to begin.

"Go!"

Both cells immediately started pushing against each other. At first, there was no visible change in their hand's positions. After a few seconds, though, AA's hand gave way just a tiny bit.

No! she thought. Redoubling her efforts, she grit her teeth.

However, it was no use. Bit by bit, her hand went further and further down, until finally she could stand it no longer. Despite putting all of her energy into it, her knuckles rapped the table.

"Yes! I win!" shouted 2048.

A dark aura surrounded AA. "Are… you… KIDDING ME?!" With a rage-filled grunt, she kicked the table as hard as she could.

SMASH!

U-2048 stopped celebrating and stared in shock at the table they were just sitting at, which had flown across the room and shattered into pieces just from AA's kick. He suddenly felt clammy as he realized the implications of that. He had never seen anyone with such a powerful kick.

AA fixed him with a stony glare.

"Oh, right. We actually don't use our arm strength to lift the oxygen. We lift with our legs. It's healthier that way. That combined with spending all day, every day walking all over the body…" AE-3803 giggled, "…well, I guess it makes sense for erythrocytes to have better leg strength than arm strength!"

U-2048 gulped. "Um… you know what, let's just agree that each of us is best suited for our own roles, and there's no need to compete… just like 1146 said, heh heh…"

Author's Note:

Remember to keep your back straight and lift with your legs when lifting heavy objects! This is a healthier way of lifting things that greatly reduces the risk of injuring your back, which is extremely painful! Your cells are looking out for you!