Hello me hearties!
Reviews responds at the end. Sorry I forgot to add them after Aquarius. XD
Below, for your reading pleasure, newest part of "Scutum", enjoy!
Scutum, or the unexpected reactions of a troubled heart.
In which nothing is as it seems at first.
Part 2
The Walk
The bed was made after she forced herself to get up and do some chores, shower and dress. Hopping on top of the cover she sat comfortably, preparing to surf the net. To distract herself from tempest raging in her mind since yesterday.
Thoughts coiled in her head all night, simultaneously tightening and releasing pressure over Helena's heart. Bane was alive. He was a short walk away, a distance she could scale anytime she wanted. He came for her, to be with her. It was everything she wanted. More even, since he was silently watching over her through all the years. Vigilant but careful, he never let her feel pressure other than concern of a friend.
All that while he planned to destroy a whole city, after keeping its occupants hostage for few bitter winter months, exposed to elements and cruelty, and oppression. Men, women, children alike.
Death was indiscriminate, but his pragmatism and casual way he talked about it rung discord in Helena's brain. How could one be both loving and murdering? Focused on subtleties of academia and brutally murdering scientists?
She spent unnecessary hours trying to find in her mind arguments against him. Every single one felt hollow. Bane was a child of circumstance he was born into, molded by violence, later excelling in a cutthroat mercenary environment he was an autonomous part of. Tied by honour or sentiment he worked for League of Shadows, destroying and tainting the world… but what was the difference between him and some shady businessman who funded those kinds of operations? Where was he worse from people ordering abductions, assassinations, assaults? How were his sins comparing to presidents ordering their troops to invade foreign countries, supposedly for peace and upholding higher moral values?
Ultimately, Helena knew Bane was at the very least a murderer. Probably objectively could be qualified as mass murderer. She couldn't find in herself an ounce of honest to God fear over that fact. What she needed was an explanation, reasoning, validation.
Above all, she wanted to make sure he was done with his mercenary work for good.
If only he'd spent all those years and resources towards his research. At fifty there was still some time left for him to leave his mark on the world, a different one he had scored already over the years. Maybe he could bridge the gap between his disposition and what the world made him become, maybe he could reconcile merciless machine of destruction with intricate tool of discovery.
After all, many inventions came to life from dusts of war.
Helena was still the most interested in Bane the person. The man behind now non-existent mask.
How would he be without everything he built so far? No people to govern over, no tasks to complete, no places to conquer. Peace and quiet of retirement crushed many men before him. Would he be like Napoleon, a genius tactician reduced to moping around an island he was confined to, no light in his eyes anymore? Would he become gluttonous and complacent?
All she needed to do to find out was simple - let the man do what he wanted.
But damn, he always got his way. This didn't feel right to just let him slide into comfort of a relationship, without a hitch, hindrance, without second thoughts.
She wanted nothing more herself...
Chime announced new email. She wasn't in the least interested in anything but her neighbourhood friendly mercenary, but obsessing over Bane had to stop. And for that she needed distraction. An email would do.
Was it a commission? A friend with news on their kid? A request from LinkedIn? Some horribly disfigured person asking for money for a medical procedure?
No such luck.
'I read your emails.' the message said simply.
Another chime.
'All three hundred sixty four of them. It took a while.'
Helena stared at the screen. Laptop could use some cleaning; the edges were darkened with grime. Fingerprints smudged the dark plane of glass. She focused on them instead of words displayed below.
'One might think you were worried about me.'
"Oh, you fucking dick!" she growled.
'Contrary to what you might have thought, I took care of you to the best of my abilities and possibilities. This land for instance, along with everything on it would be yours in the event of my death. There is a hefty sum to go with it. The notary is obliged to assist you in any legal matter you might encounter.'
'Also, there is the small subject of your concessions. Who do you think gave Herr Schmidt your contact info? '
'Also, there is another plot of land in Italy, and apartment in London. A mansion in Kashmir. Summer houses in Chile, Namibia, Mongolia, and Argentina. House in Louisiana. Pick any if this place doesn't suit your needs.'
'Also, you might want to reconsider your comment about being indebted to me. You're welcome to follow my suggestion as for the interpretation of this whole situation.'
Infuriating. He danced around important subjects, never leaving any information that could link him to his true identity, all the while conscious of Helena's awareness of the double meaning of his words. Playing her knowledge against her.
Closing her eyes to think she exhaled slowly, ignoring pings of notifications coming from the computer. Well, for one Bane did put enormous effort into tricking her. Then again, it was all to make her comfortable and content. He never talked her out of her numerous affairs. Instead, he made sure she was well provided for, either by his own commissions or those of his friends. As control freaks go, he was actually quite caring and generous.
Okay, now he was agitated too. Five messages in span of around five minutes.
Very unlike Bane.
Helena glanced over the emails, more ranting with "also" as a starter, and hit reply on the latest one. If they were to discuss anything it certainly couldn't happen over monitored emails.
'Let's go for a walk. Meet me at mine in five.'
She sent it and closed the laptop. Not wasting time immediately went to put on her boots and warm jacket. She was finishing with laces when Bane appeared on the pathway to her cottage. Well before the time she gave him.
She thought he'd look out of place, the memory of his imposing silhouette from Armenia still etched in her mind, but he was irritatingly casual to a bystander. If not for the scars one could think this was just an ordinary man, past his prime but still fit. Dark jumper with turtleneck hid most of his markings, the sleeves long enough to cover his hands down to base of thumbs. Washed down blue of baggy jeans blended with grey sneakers. The only spot of colour was scarf tossed carelessly around his neck.
Helena could have sworn he magically shrunk over the years. Once she thought he was a giant. Now, as he stood politely by the glass door to the terrace waiting for an invitation in, she saw he couldn't be taller than her latest fling. Which put Bane from realm of fantasy back into cozy normalcy. Unnerving. Dangerous. He was anything but normal, average or ordinary.
She stood up and gestured for him to come in.
"Since it's all yours I don't see why you're sticking to formalities," she observed, sliding her hands into warm jacket. It was still chilly out.
"It's your home. I'd hate to be impolite."
Helena only hummed in wonder. Bane watched as she tucked scarf and hat on, zipped up and put gloves on her hands.
"Are we going far?"
"Don't be so amused. I was always amazed how you'd burn up even in the middle of winter." They went out to the terrace and Helena immediately congratulated herself choice of wardrobe. Despite the sun, cold wind pinched her cheeks with unpleasant gusts. "We might take a turn around the beach?"
Bane nodded and they started, silent for the short walk down to the sea. He followed Helena down wooden steps through budding foliage, across the tarmac and down to the sandy patch by the water. Only then he stepped up a bit to catch up and stroll shoulder to shoulder.
"I like your hair like this," he gestured vaguely towards her messy bun.
"Dishevelled?"
"Long. But the disarray is quite charming too," he admitted.
"Thank you. I like you with your hair on better too."
The weather was nice, even though gale from over the sea tossed their scarves around carelessly.
"You know, I don't think we ever went anywhere together like this. Always either you or I was one step behind, trailing along."
"Technically you're wrong, since I carried you around once or twice. Almost the same."
"I disagree. That's hardly comparable to walking together."
"Perhaps."
"I'm worried, you know." She sighed. Bane waited patiently for a follow-up. "You turn up all of a sudden after all this time and I have to remind myself of everything you are."
"Do you?" He sounded genuinely interested.
"No, I really don't." Helena laughed dryly. "But it feels wrong to just pick everything up and start anew."
"Why?"
"Well, you're a mass murderer. Maybe not exactly, since the bomb exploded safely away from Gotham, but you confirmed yourself you wanted to blow everyone up."
"Does it matter to you?"
Fuck.
"Maybe."
"Helena."
He knew her too well, had her thoughts, intimate and private, on display for him for years.
"How do I even call you now?" she spat angrily, furrowing her brows in impotent frustration.
He only chuckled. "Tony."
Nose wrinkled in comical display of distaste Helena sneered.
"Don't be ridiculous. It doesn't fit you one bit."
"It's my name."
"I get it, your alias should be like a second skin, yadda, yadda…"
"No," he interrupted. "You don't understand. That is my real name."
"It is?"
"Yes."
"But you were born in prison." Like that would be the explanation to everything.
"Every penal institution keeps meticulous records."
"Even ones where people are treated like animals?"
"Yes, even those. I know exact time and date of my birth, names of my parents, my weight, height, and credentials of doctor who cut the umbilical cord. No different from any other person." Looking down at her he snorted inelegantly. "You thought it was all savagery and dirt?"
"It sounded like it."
"Nazis treated people like inferior beings, which didn't stop them from recording every name anyway."
"Point taken. Still, Tony just doesn't suit you."
He chuckled again. "What would then?"
"...Bane."
He laughed.
"But we can't keep using that name, what if someone overhears?" she continued, oblivious to the way he stared at her in amazement. Whether she realized, the decision was made, and she already acted upon it. "I could always try calling you 'babe'. " She winked at him. "Sounds almost the same and is culturally acceptable. Alas," theatrical sigh escaped her, followed by slight shaking of her head, "that would imply a relationship closer than what we have."
"How do you mean?" Bane furrowed his brows again. Maybe she knew exactly where she stood and only played with him?
"Well I don't really know you. I thought once I had you all figured out," rueful smile softened her gaze for a second, when she recalled one conversation they shared, "but in reality I don't know how to reconcile everything I know about you. You're like three different people to me now. Bane the terrorist, Tony the scientist and this unnamed man who said yesterday he loves me."
No, she wasn't sure what she wanted, Bane thought. She was figuring it all out still.
"It's too much, all at once. Two days ago I was mourning your death. Yours and Dorrance's!" She huffed a small scoff. "And now here we are. But enough on that. What did you mean when you said you want me to go away with you?"
"There are people who know your name and your connection to me never was a mystery. I wanted to take you somewhere where we could both have a fresh start."
"But I like it here."
"It would be safer that way."
"You assumed I'd just pack my things and go because you say so?"
"Yes."
"How typical." There was some disappointment in her tone, but she was surprisingly stable otherwise. "How about this. Stay here with me. Let me get to know you. Then we'll see."
The proposal was risky at best. Unwise.
"For how long?" Bane found himself asking to buy some time.
"I don't know. As long as it takes, I guess."
"It's not a game, Helena. "
"I'm not playing games with you… pal."
"Pal?"
"I have to call you something!"
"How about 'mate'?"
"Tsk, tsk, you try to sneak double meaning in there?"
"Never," he winked.
But his smirk faltered into a disappointed scowl.
"I imagined this to be different," he admitted towards the sea.
"Well, it's real."
"It is," he agreed.
No matter what happened next he knew he'd never let her go now. Even if she would keep him perpetually an arm's length away. Just being together like this, walking down the beach, was doing wonders to his battered soul. For the first time in years he felt good. Even despite aches of his body and discomfort the conversation brought along.
The smile he gave her when he turned back threatened to overpower weak March sun. She didn't see it, observing rolling clouds, swimming deep into her own thoughts.
He faltered. That was his mistake in the past. He was too focused on his own musings to take into consideration she had ones of her own. Valid point of view, vector of actions she took. He would do well to listen to her more carefully this time. What he wanted could be different from what she needed...
"How did you get here, anyway? After you've been hit by a rocket back in Gotham."
The reply was automatic, he had other things on his mind, but he was glad she was interested in him still.
"There was a lot of commotion that I missed, since I was unconscious for the most part. I ended up in a bunker, been roughly patched up. Transported around the city to avoid detection, then out with a smuggling tunnel. Spent most of those two months on a vessel at sea." And in a hideout that was tropical mansion in Bahamas. Details, details, details. Helena didn't have to know everything, at least not all at once.
"And you magically healed yourself?"
"No. There was a professional who took care of me."
"So, the League of Shadows just let you go?"
"No."
"Are you going to volunteer any information without me explicitly asking for it?"
"Probably not. It's not who I am."
"Go figure," she chuckled.
Bane resisted an overwhelming urge to gather her close and kiss that sound away. He hadn't had a chance to kiss her yet. How did that omission even happen?
"Okay, so what about your primary occupation then?" she continued, unaware of his inner turmoil.
"I'm an astrophysicist."
"I'm being serious here, friend."
He was taken aback.
"Is it really so hard for you to call me by my name?" Do we have to negotiate everything too? He thought. Do you still want me? Why won't you accept me for who I am now instead of who I was?
"Yes. Now stop evading the question."
Her sincerity put him in his place.
"They thought I was dead, but are probably looking for me."
"Why?"
"They expect me to lead them. Expected. Now they probably want me eliminated."
It came out more bitter than he intended, resentment towards Helena bleeding out into his words.
"Would you stay alive as long as you did, if that was really their objective?"
Bane stopped dead midstride.
"Well, your men are League's men, are they not?"
"They are loyal to me." The argument sounded childish even to his own ears. But he knew that to be true.
"Maybe they just let you retire with dignity." Helena reasoned, offhand remark offering no comfort, only brutal honesty backed by cold logic. That was a hard blow. The realization he might have been let go of consciously, as a courtesy for years of work. As a reward for his sacrifices.
"You could step up and lead them different path, right? But you chose to come here instead."
Action as clear to interpret as a written resignation.
"What happened to the people who cared for you when you were convalescing after Gotham? The ones who smuggled you to safety?"
"They work for the league still, or went into hiding."
He never stopped to think about what happened to them. Some leader he was.
"I still don't understand how you are up and about so fast after major injury."
"That drug I was taking, the one the mask was for. It had many purposes beside the main one. One side effect was vastly improved self-healing ability of my body," he supplied absentmindedly.
He didn't leave them, they abandoned him. A general no longer needed. Broken soldier sent back home to put himself together, too incomplete to be an asset again.
"Cool."
Helena's amused voice brought him back to reality.
Wasn't that what he wanted? To be left alone, to live in peace?
If the League let him go, as she suspected, he had nothing to escape from. He could just stay here.
"Plus I was cared for by the person who concocted it. She is real magician with organic chemistry," he finished his previous thought out loud.
"Isn't magic an undiscovered science?"
"Indeed."
This time he made sure she saw his happy grin. Relief pooled in the pit of his stomach and he started different kind of plotting nearly instantly.
Again, why didn't he kiss her yet?
oOo
Bane stopped at the threshold waiting for Helena to permit him entry. She scoffed and waved him in, aggravated with his attention to formalities.
"Do it one more time and I will legitimately treat you like a vampire. With your accelerated healing and all." She warned half seriously.
"That was Venom. Don't have it anymore." He vaguely gestured around his bare face.
"Oh. Mere mortal like the rest of us puny humans."
"Quite so."
He followed her downstairs to the kitchenette.
"Take a seat," Helena threw over her arm as she busied herself with the stove. There was still enough soup for the two of them, and she could make some grilled cheese to go with it.
Warm chest pressed to her back and two big palms splayed over the counter on each side of her. Bane leaned in to peek over her shoulder.
"What are we having?"
"Chunky tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Do you like them with mustard?"
"I don't know."
"I'll make two kinds then. Fried in butter or baked?"
"You decide."
"Mustard ones will be fried, and I'll make plain baked too, then."
"Sounds good," he rumbled and turned back to sit at the table.
Silence stretching between them was cozy like a blanket, invaded only by sounds of Helena working, heating up pan and oven, layering cheese over toasts and checking on soup back on the stove. Bane just watched her sprawled in the chair like in the old days, listening to her absent-minded humming. Skylight in the corner let some of pale sunlight in, but it hardly reached the counter below and rest of the room. Helena worked under cold spotlight stretching under upper shelves over the working station. The oven emitted warm, yellow light, a counterpoint to almost medical detachment of grey planes of steel shelves with their cold blue of led lamps.
This was it. The feeling of rightness washed over Bane, the familiarity of place and situation, ridiculous since there was nothing he could attach himself to. But he did find himself at home. Sitting in a chair and watching Helena like he did so many times before.
It was right, somewhat. He was complete.
"You make me satisfied. That's why I came here. You make life simple. There is something that's just enough, without much fight, without much arguing. You allow me to just, be," he said, recalling a rant interested same subject years past.
To think she knew what was best for him even back then.
"This is the first time in your life no one expects anything of you," she mused, mulling over his words while she ladled the soup.
Bane only murmured in agreement, waiting for anything more she might add.
Twin bowls clunked softly on wooden plane of the table, followed by plates Helena set gently with a smile.
"Tuck in," she encouraged Bane, sipping soup with a muffled sigh of satisfaction.
"How barbaric," he noted, smiling over bite of toast.
"Cutlery is useful, but not always necessary. This is much better at warming one up after a stroll," she defended herself, glancing coyly over rim of the bowl before she set it finally on the table. "Besides, isn't it nice to wrap your hands around something warm and pretty?"
"I had in mind something else than clay," he smiled. She didn't pick up on frivolous tone he used. Too soon still? "This is my new favourite thing. This soup." He practically inhaled half of it in one go. "If I knew how good you were in the kitchen I would have you cooking along with copying."
"You don't get to joke about that!" She huffed in mock annoyance.
"Why not?"
"I'm supposed to be traumatized over the subject, you know."
"Are you?"
"Not over this one, no." There was enough between them to leave open the possibility of working through myriad other things other than the fact she was abducted and imprisoned. "So, did you have anyone? Over the years?"
Surprised look he sent her was a gem, the unguarded way his lips opened a bit taking off at least a decade of strain off his face.
"There were women," he admitted.
"Anyone long term? "
"No," he furrowed his brows, leaning back in the chair. "You know how difficult it is to meet anyone not professionally interested in my person, in my line of occupation. They were all paid."
Helena nodded with a hum, not in the least put out.
"I expected as much."
"Last one was few years back," he said quietly, munching on his toast, eyes turned down.
It wasn't like him to be embarrassed, so what was it?
"So this is the first time in your life you're allowed to just get to know people, develop healthy relationships, without complications over work."
That wasn't a question. She said it like she only needed him to confirm something she thought about long and hard, before they even started this conversation.
Bane didn't like the look of resolve on her face. Not one bit.
"Where are you going with this?"
"I think we both should give each other ample time and space to work this situation over," she said, a decisive nod punctuating her conclusion.
"Explain."
"Perhaps it is not me you're in love with, but the idea of this life that I lead. The peaceful life you want to have. Perhaps I'm in love with the memory of you, more than the actual person."
He couldn't argue otherwise immediately, which in itself gave him pause.
"What then? How do you want to proceed?"
"We have the basic covered already. Let's get to know each other. You have your cottage, I have mine. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to broaden your circle of friends."
With some effort Helena could pretend she didn't notice how he seethed across her.
"Which reminds me, Grace and Graham will invite me over for Easter, am I allowed to say you're here?"
"Yes," he hissed.
"Would you like to come with?"
"I don't know," His eyes were impassive, but his jaw was set so hard he barely opened it to speak. "My thanks for the meal," he nodded and turned to the stairs.
"Are you gonna sulk because I want to deal with this situation like an adult?"
"Am I allowed to?" He sneered.
"Do what you want. I know I can take care of myself and just live on my own. Can you?"
He turned at the bottom of narrow staircase, straightening up to look down at her. No more a scientist she walked with over past hour.
"Helena, you will do well to remember one simple truth about me. Whatever you or I would like to think, I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions." His voice was quiet, but gravitas of words seeped to her in powerful confident waves, strengthening their message. "And my decisions over past decade proved that not only am I capable of taking care of myself, but also of you, and a very complicated military operation, all at the same time." His eyes narrowed, conducting the anger he felt. "Now for the solitary living, the whole point of me being here was to avoid it. I've been alone most of my life. But I understand your fears. You won't hear from me again, until you ask yourself for my presence." He nodded in farewell. "Goodbye, neighbour."
So, for reviews, I'll go in order of appearance:
Adarya: Aquarius is for you, so no thanks needed. :) Pleasure of writing it was all mine, mwhahahahaha!
Nameless Guest #1: I hope I'm keeping up decent enough work, do tell how you feel about it!
Emmanon: Thank you! I am writing more! I loved "The Scientist" as well! :D
Nameless guest #2: Yeah I did, I can't stop myself once the text is finished. Ask my Beta, she makes fun of me. i was supposed to wait with todays update... But i just couldn't!
Splendiferous7: Yay! I'm so happy anyone is reading that! So excited to get a review! You wouldn't believe how happy i get with that blue email icon!
Kay: I think i get you, girl. there you go. enjoy. Go play with it if ya like. ^_^
