Kjetil - Norway
Estelle - nyo Cameroon
Manya - Wy
...
Warning for yet more depictions of abuse, both emotional and sexual.
Also this chapter is butt-numbingly long, but we hope you enjoy!
Eduard was 16 when he had his first kiss.
He and Gunner had become vague friends through English, but as it turned out, they went on to be in the same A-level Maths class too. He and Logan weren't doing any of the same subjects, though they'd gotten into the same sixth form, so he quickly latched onto Gunner as the one familiar face in any of his classes. He liked Gunner. He was funny. Gunner got him to sit with his new friends, and though he felt a little like an intruder, he supposed he knew, after how school went down, to take what he could get. And after five years of getting called 'bowlcut' in the corridor, he was glad of the protection. As it turned out, one of them was Eduard's cousin - he knew Tino went to the sixth form, but they moved in different circles before now- and the two had quite a bit in common. It was nice to know not everyone in his family was awful.
Bit by bit, he came to be a part of the group. He got to know them all: Tino's aggressive music taste, Kjetil's plethora of mythology facts, Berwald's tendency to give his coat to whoever didn't have one (or just Tino). Most of all he got to know Gunner. He already knew enough from English, of course, but as they got closer, he found he only got kinder the more you talked to him. He was fun, a bit of a party animal, reckless, and always, of course, the man in the spotlight. Just like at their last school, everyone and their grandpa knew him somehow. Eduard walked down the hall with him and he'd acknowledge about a third of the people he walked past - a nod for him, a smile for her, a little compliment for someone's new haircut. He was also very much out, which made Eduard wonder if he could get away with it, just for a moment, but after giving it a moment's thought he decided that was a terrible idea. He wasn't Gunner. Nobody could hate Gunner.
It was the last period on a Friday- Maths- and Eduard was working through his questions, talking them through with him.
"No, look, it's 120 metres," he was patiently explaining, "You have to add that bit, too."
"Ohhh." Gunner wrote his answer in. "Fuck, you're smart."
"I just study sometimes."
"Yeah, yeah, alright, dad." He grinned at him. "Hey, uh, Ed?"
"Hm?"
"Do, uh, d'you maybe wanna go to McDonald's after class?"
"Sure, but I don't think Kjetil's in around this time and Tino's got-"
"No, no," he chuckled, "Just you and me. I'll pay."
"Well, I'm not passing up free milkshake."
"Good. I need to, uh, need to talk to you."
"That doesn't sound ominous at all."
"It's nothing bad, promise."
Eduard smiled. "Good. Come on. Work."
After class, they took their detour to McDonald's. Gunner bought them each a milkshake and some nuggets and fries between them. They sat out by the window. Logan passed, holding hands with a girl from his PE class. He'd mentioned her - Estelle was her name. She was on the girls' football team. He'd told himself he'd moved on from Logan a million times - it still ached to see him with other people. He decided it was better to get his mind off it.
"So, what's this thing you need to talk to me about? The suspense is killing me."
"Right, right, the… yeah." He cleared his throat. "What's your opinion on, uh… on boys?"
Eduard raised an eyebrow. "That's the thing you've been leading up to? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, just… what is it?"
"I am one."
"Yeah, but, like, romantically."
Eduard's chicken nugget froze in mid-air. He tried not to dwell on that sort of thing. It made him feel wrong. "Oh. Uh…"
"No judgement," he quickly added, "Obviously."
"I-I don't- I don't really- y'know, like-"
"Are you straight, is what I'm asking," Gunner clarified. Come on, Eduard wasn't that socially inept. Usually.
"Yes. No. I don't know." Eduard thought for a moment. He could trust Gunner, couldn't he? "No. I don't think I'm gay either. But I am into boys, yes. Romantically." It felt weird to say out loud. Kind of a weight off. "Please don't tell anyone," he quickly added, "Please. Nobody knows yet. Hell, I barely do."
"Hey, it's cool, I won't. Any particular guys?"
"No," he lied, "Nobody."
"So." Gunner ate a fry, just to give himself another opportunity to stall. "if I were to, say, ask you out…"
Eduard blinked. That was not the direction he was hoping this conversation would head into.
"It's- sorry. You can forget I asked, if you want, just… well, I like you. Kind of a lot. I've liked you about since last year."
Eduard thought about Logan and Estelle, walking down the road hand in hand. He really didn't have a chance there, did he? Maybe it was time he moved on for real.
"I like you too." He held his hand under the table and smiled at him. "Kind of a lot."
Gunner kept trying to hold his hand all the way home.
At first, Eduard would simply move his hand away, ball it into a fist so it was impossible to hold properly. He tried to put some distance between them, but Gunner closed the gap.
"Please," he finally piped up when Gunner tried to force his hand in his. "Not in public. Not yet. It's kind of... scary."
Gunner nodded and let go, but he looked pretty upset about it. Eduard felt a stab of guilt at that, but he was so utterly terrified of being outed. Of someone seeing him and hurting him or telling everyone or his parents seeing. Even the thought made his throat tighten.
But Gunner liked him. A lot. He should try to be a good boyfriend if he was going to do this. Boyfriend. He actually had a boyfriend now.
"It's okay," said Gunner, "I like you. I don't wanna hurt you."
"My parents aren't home," he said quickly, "you could, um, you could kiss me goodbye."
Gunner perked up at that. "I'd like that."
So, when he got home, Eduard checked the whole house for any sign of parental presence, then made them both coffee. Gunner sat in the kitchen watching him bustle about. They didn't need to talk, but Eduard did catch him staring whenever he glanced back, and blushed. It was nice, domestic, even. He could get used to this.
He passed Gunner his coffee and sat next to him. He glanced at him shyly, and Gunner stared back.
"You're so pretty," said Gunner, "I've wanted to kiss you for ages."
"Well, here I am. Go ahead." Eduard was on the verge of panic. This was really happening. What if he did something wrong? What if he messed up and Gunner got grossed out and didn't want to talk to him again? What if he lost his friendship with not only Gunner, but the whole gang? And he told them all just how bad at kissing he was and how he didn't know what to do and was weird and they all turned against him and-
And then Gunner's lips were on his.
Eduard's mind went blank for the first time in his life, and before he could even acknowledge what was happening, Gunner was already pulling away. He smiled lovingly at him.
"I liked that," he squeaked, and Gunner snorted.
"We can do it some more if you like." His hand snaked up to the back of his head, and he pulled Eduard closer. Their second kiss lasted longer, Gunner sucking on his bottom lip gently. Okay, that was something you were supposed to do. He could do this. He could kiss back. He wasn't going to mess this up. A few kisses later, and he was starting to get the hang of it.
Completely red in the face now, Eduard sipped at his coffee, occasionally glancing over at Gunner and smiling. Gunner massaged his neck slowly, and Eduard shivered.
"Wanna go upstairs?" asked Gunner, trailing a finger over his ear. Eduard shook his head quickly.
"Woah, let's not get too ahead of ourselves," he yelped, swatting his hand away, "come on. We just got together."
"You're right, sorry," said Gunner, "we can, um, we can-"
"Play scrabble?" Eduard suggested. Nothing could kill the mood better than him being needlessly competitive. And showing off his unreasonable vocabulary.
Gunner didn't look like he wanted to do that at all, but nodded all the same.
Now that Gunner has passed the ultimate test: seeing Eduard be dangerously competitive over the smallest thing and not dumping him, it only made sense that he introduced the guy to Logan.
They'd arranged to meet at the park, and Logan sat on his favourite bench to wait: the one in the hill with the view of the pond and the little crop of trees behind it. On that cold February morning, he'd wrapped Harry up in the warmest clothes she had, and she struggled to toddle about in her lilac snowsuit. She touched the snow with her bare hand, and her face screwed up in disgust.
"See, that's why we wear gloves," Logan stuffed her hands into the mittens she'd thrown onto the ground five minutes earlier. Although Harry didn't much like the cold, she wasn't too happy about the mittens either, and threw her doll as far as she could in protest. "Yeah, same. One day I'll take you to Oz. You'll love it there. It's so hot and sunny, and you can see all the animals. And fight them. Strong, strong baby."
He rescued her doll from the snow, then lifted her up so she was on his lap. "You're perfect, d'ya know that? You should know that. I'll tell you every day." He kissed her forehead. "I love you; don't ever doubt that."
He gazed across the park. "Look! Uncle Eddie!"
He let Harry down, and she took off across the park like she was fleeing a bear, arms stretched wide to hug him the moment they touched. She was squealing happily as he drew nearer, then uncle Eddie and his new friend disappeared above her head, replaced by the snow she fell face-first into.
"Harry!" Eduard ran forward to pick her up, brushing snow off her face. Harry didn't look too happy, and her lip wobbled as she contemplated crying.
And then she decided to.
"Oh dear, Harry no it's okay. Just a bit of snow." He lifted her up with all his very minimal strength, and kissed her frozen nose.
"How come she gets a kiss in public?" asked Gunner jokingly.
"She's cute." Eduard bounced her gently until she stopped crying, and by that time Logan had joined them, dragging Harry's pushchair and a massive shoulder bag behind him. It always baffled Eduard just how much a tiny baby could need, but he'd not had many experiences with kids. There'd been Allirea, but he'd never actually travelled anywhere with her. He'd also not watched her grow up as much, not like he had with Jem. And Logan. He needed to visit the Coopers more.
"Hey!" he gasped. "Good to see ya; you must be Gunner." He took Harry back, scooping her into his arms, and he saw Gunner and Ed link pinky fingers. His heart sank, but he tried not to read too much into it. It was nothing. Eduard hated any form of PDA and Logan knew that. They'd talked about it. He knew he'd get embarrassed at even holding hands with someone in public, but was that all speculation? And if so, why was he holding hands - or fingers - with this guy?
"That's me! Hey, I think I've seen ya around. I was gonna ask if you were they guy who got someone pregnant, but…" He glanced at Harry. Logan set her down and she hid behind his leg.
Eduard flushed at that. Logan blinked.
"Just a joke," Gunner nudged him, and in some - admittedly petty - show of strength, Logan made sure to flex before his hand touched him. "But seriously, you did get someone pregnant."
Logan glanced at Eduard for some form of explanation. He just avoided eye contact.
"So," Gunner clapped his hands as they all sat together on a bench, Eduard wedged between them, "Eddie tells me you're his best friend."
"Yeah, you his friend too then?" All Eduard told him was that he really wanted them to get along, needed to, even. He was willing to put in the effort if this guy was. They must've been close, but surely...
"Boyfriend."
Eduard froze. " Gunner ."
"Hm?" It dawned on him. "Oh. Oh, shit, sorry, I forgot, I- you didn't know?"
Logan shook his head. He didn't take his eyes off Eduard. He looked terrified. What was Gunner thinking? Surely he had told him not to say anything - Eduard was careful with his secrets.
"Might have, maybe, kind of, not told you. I'm sorry. I'm still figuring things out, I just-"
"I'm pan."
Ed blinked. "What?"
"I like guys too." Logan smiled at him. When things got too much for Ed, Logan could calm him down with just that smile. "No judgement here."
"You do?"
"Yeah, loads. Don't… I haven't really told anyone either. I mean, mum and dad, but that's all."
"Good to know." Eduard couldn't help but laugh with relief. All this time he'd thought he didn't have a shot with Logan, but now-
Now he still didn't. Because he had a boyfriend. Obviously. Plus Logan probably would've said something by now, right? Right? Logan could get anyone - why settle for gangly, awkward Eduard, if he was going to risk outing himself by dating someone? Even his own parents didn't want to spend time with him.
"How long have you been seeing each other, then?"
Gunner put his arm around Ed's waist. Logan clenched his fists a little tighter round the handles of the pushchair. "All weekend, we got together Friday."
"Over McDonald's. Very romantic."
Gunner shot him a stony look.
"Sorry. It was actually really sweet."
Logan blinked. Was Gunner the only one allowed to make jokes?
Eduard hastily changed the subject. "How's Estelle?"
"Still won't believe I'm letting her win our football matches. You know, to be gentlemanly."
"Are you now."
"Oh, fuck off, not you too. And I'm still pretty sure she's dating me for Steveo. And also that he's trying to steal my girl. They're stealing each other. He just lies across her when we're trying to snog, and he keeps sitting when she tells him to. Old cunt never does that for me."
"Oh, poor you."
Logan laughed at that, and Eduard joined in. "How do I compete with someone that cute?"
"I'm sure you'll think of something."
Harry whined and Logan picked her up again, bouncing her gently.
"Can I hold her?" Gunner asked suddenly.
Every inch of Logan wanted to tell him to fuck off. He'd rather hand his daughter over to her maternal grandfather than this guy. Gunner really rubbed him the wrong way, and he didn't want the guy touching his child. But he didn't want to cause a scene, and he didn't know how to voice 'I have a gut feeling that you're a prick ' to someone without offending them. Not that he ever cared about offending people before, but he didn't want to embarrass Eduard.
"Sure," he croaked. Gunner prized Harry from his arms, and the child immediately screwed up her little face and started bawling her eyes out. He felt a flash of pride at that, but tried not to look too smug. Instead, he smiled apologetically.
"Sorry. She's a little cranky today. Aussies and the cold don't mix at all."
"You mean she didn't get my Estonian cold tolerance by osmosis?"
"Apparently not." Logan laughed. "You need to come over more." He held Harry up to his face, pouting. "She misses her uncle Eddie."
He thought he saw Gunner's lips tighten. Might've been the light, though.
"I've got studying to do. Uncle Eddie's got to get into Cambridge or he'll be uncle deaddie."
Harry pointed at him. "Eggy," she replied sagely. He hoped she never learnt to pronounce his name properly.
Eduard took her off him and kissed her forehead. "That's right!" he cooed, "Uncle Eddie's mummy and daddy are gonna kill him if he doesn't get into one of, if not the most competitive university in the country! Yes they are! He's gonna be a Cambridge graduate or a desecrated corpse! Those are his only two options!"
"Please stop telling my daughter about your daddy issues, she's one. She doesn't know how to help you."
"Nonsense. Nothing wrong with talking to babies about desecrated corpses."
"If her first word is "dessicated" I'm fighting you on the spot for turning my daughter into a fucking nerd."
"Desecrated. Dessicated is what you do with coconuts."
"Nerd."
"Bitch.
Gunner put his arm around Eduard, and he was stunned to find the guy grimace and wiggle out of his grasp.
"Babe-"
"Not out here, please. You know that." Eduard looked like he'd very much like to disappear. Gunner looked like a kicked puppy, but said nothing. Logan just glared at him.
"Honestly," he sighed, shaking his head at Logan, trying to get the guy to agree with him. Logan continued to glare at him. He just grimaced and leaned back in his chair, fingers interlaced behind his head and legs in two different time zones. "Tough crowd."
Logan tried to make eye-contact with Eduard, but he just fussed over Harry, determined to look at no one else.
She gripped his finger, grinning. "Eggy!"
"So, what do you think of Gunner?"
There were very few things that could tempt Eduard away from studying, but Layla's baking could usually do the trick. Logan and Eduard were sprawled out on his bedroom floor, making their way through a tin of homemade caramel shortbread. Logan was playing FIFA, which he insisted technically counted as revision because he was taking P.E., whilst Eduard was leafing through the guy's biology textbook with mild disgust. He considered himself a man of science, but he hated biology with a passion. He was a physics guy. Also, his dad was a doctor. His mother's job, he couldn't help getting invested in, but out of spite, he decided against giving a fuck about biology. All someone had to do was mention cells and he would pretend to barf.
Logan made a face. "Not gonna lie, the guy's a colossal prick. You could do better."
"He's nice!"
"He's friendly . There's a difference." Logan wrinkled his nose, accidentally letting in a goal. "He just… doesn't seem like a good person. There's something slimy about him, something two-faced. Even Harry could see it. Hell, I trust Harry's opinion more than my own."
Eduard raised an eyebrow. "She's a baby."
"Kids can sense these things. So can animals. I bet Steveo wouldn't like him either. I bet even the frogs wouldn't."
"That's superstitious bullshit. She can barely walk, that doesn't give her psychic powers."
"Mum told me. Remember that teacher Jem wouldn't go near? Every time she saw him she would burst into tears and hide? And remember him getting arrested a few years later? Kids know."
"That's coincidence. Or maybe she saw something. That's not proof."
Logan rolled his eyes. "Look, just… keep an eye on him. And if he does anything shitty, you drop him and tell me so I can fight him."
"Please don't fight him."
"I will if he does anything to hurt you."
"Which he won't. Fucking hell, Logan, can't you just be happy for me? It's actually hard for some of us to get asked out, so don't try and ruin this."
"Fine," Logan raised his hands, relenting, "fine, I'm just saying. If you need me, I'll be here for you."
"Yeah, I know."
Gunner seemed to have misinterpreted the idea of "coming over to study". Eduard's timetable was stuck up on the corkboard over his desk - Thursday after school was Maths and he may as well make sure Gunner got some work done too.
Gunner had other ideas, and lasted all of twenty minutes before making them known. He put down the textbook he was half-reading, got up from his bed and kissed Eduard's neck. "Exams aren't for months, babe. Take a break."
Eduard tried to pull away. "Gunner, we're supposed to do 5 hours independent study a week per subject, minimum. That's 5 hours Physics, 5 hours Computer Science, and 10 hours Maths. Get some of your hours done."
"You're the only one who actually does that and you do about twice that. C'mon, just-" His hand rested on Eduard's thigh. "-take a break."
"I can't." He knew where this was going. Gunner joked about it constantly - especially with their friends. Often about Eduard. It was just banter, he knew he didn't mean anything by it, but he had to admit it was embarrassing - it even creeped him out a little. He felt guilty for thinking that. This was his boyfriend - he was supposed to like him, right? Supposed to want to… to do things. Even if his reasons for dating him might have had ulterior motives. That made him feel guiltiest of all. He couldn't fault him for his jokes when he was the one using him to get over Logan. Maybe he should let him. He owed him, after all.
"Come on. You'll like it." His hand was creeping slowly inward. Eduard felt his breath on his neck. "We can get back to work right after, promise."
"My parents are downstairs."
"Keep quiet then."
"I've never done it before."
"First time for everything." Gunner was apparently past subtly tiptoeing his hand between his thighs. He fully grabbed his crotch, gently, but roughly enough to make Eduard yelp.
"Gunner!"
"Nothing'll happen, it's fine. C'mon." He could feel his lips on his neck as he spoke. "You've been teasing. Making me wait too long."
"You'll live."
"Not if you keep looking that fucking beautiful. Please?"
"Take your hand off my balls, Gunner."
"Do you not like me or what?"
There was a pang of guilt. "Of course I like you, I just-"
"Just what?"
Eduard caved. "Nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry."
"It's cool." That damn kicked-puppy face suggested otherwise.
"We can… like, we can do stuff if you want. Just, not too far. And not too long. Short break."
"That's fine." Gunner kissed him. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to."
As he kissed back, raising himself out of his chair and falling back into his bed, he considered telling him that they already were. Instead he let Gunner pin him down by the wrists, legs wrapped around his waist, and get to work bruising his neck with hickeys. Nobody would question him wearing turtlenecks for a week. He did that anyway. Gunner glanced up at him and smiled.
"See? It's not so bad."
Eduard just nodded. He was anxious, to the point of being genuinely scared. His skin crawled on every inch that touched his.
"Not once you get into it." He took both of his skinny wrists in one hand and pulled Eduard's shirt up bit by bit until it was crumpled on his floor.
"Yeah, it's good," he lied, willing something to intervene. Like a plane engine crashing into his bedroom, Donnie Darko -style.
Just as Gunner was unzipping his jeans, his salvation came in the worst form possible.
His father barged in. "Eduard, have you done your-"
He froze. Eduard froze. Gunner rolled off of him, awkwardly doing his fly back up. Anton gave him a sharp look he didn't quite know how to respond to.
He looked at Gunner for, well, something. Anything. Help? Reassurance? Instead, he took one look at Anton and ran out of the room, pushing past him as he ducked out the door. Thanks. Real brave, Gunner.
Now he was alone with his dad, and absolutely terrified. He grabbed his shirt with shaking hands and yanked it on, not noticing it was inside out and back to front.
"Come downstairs," was all he said, with that calm voice that made Ed shiver.
With heavy, shaking legs, he followed his father downstairs into the sitting room. Anton was already sat next to Eliisabet, whispering in hurried Estonian he was too stupefied to follow. Once he was done, they both looked right at him with poison in their eyes. They could have been guarding the gates of hell. They fixed their eyes onto him. He was being dissected, held under a microscope, like a specimen.
"Obviously, Gunner isn't welcome in this house anymore."
Eduard nodded. He couldn't lift his eyes from the carpet.
"Your work is your priority, you can't waste your time with him."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise to us . You're the one throwing away your future. And you're too young to be fooling around with other boys."
"I'm 17."
"You're too young to know," Eliisabet repeated, slowly, like he was a child, or a cashier who scanned her things a little wrong.
A rare flash of defiance possessed him. "No, I'm not. I know I'm not. I've known a long time." He looked up at them, looked them right in the eyes. "I knew when I watched Star Wars with Logan and Harrison Ford came on screen. I knew when I saw two guys kissing on the bus and thought that could be me. I knew in the boy's changing rooms and in the cinema and when I looked it up a few weeks ago on the computer and properly figured it out. I'm bisexual. I like boys and I like girls and I really like Gunner. He's my boyfriend. He has been for a while."
Eliisabet rolled her eyes. "Oh, really? Well, that's lovely."
Just that turn of phrase made his little act of rebellion feel like a childish tantrum. He felt smaller and smaller the harder she looked at him. He averted his eyes again. Why did he say that?
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I won't invite him over again."
He couldn't focus through the ensuing lecture. They were disappointed, he was letting himself down, he'd heard it all before. There were worse things on his mind. He didn't know why his hands were still shaking. He nodded and apologised until they let him scuttle off to his bedroom with his tail between his legs. Logically, he knew he should call Gunner, but instinctively he called Logan. He didn't know why. He wasn't involved in all this. Still, when he answered the phone he felt a little safer.
"Hey, mate, what's up?"
"Nothing, nothing, just, uh…"
"You alright?"
No. He wasn't. His parents knew his worst secret, Gunner couldn't come over anymore, and even with the interruption, he felt wrong somehow - violated and ashamed. He didn't know why. He had let him, after all. But his wrists ached where he had grabbed them and he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd almost done.
"I'm… yeah, I'm all good. I just wanted to talk, that's all. How's Harry?"
There was a pause when he wondered if maybe Logan hadn't bought it. That scared him. He didn't want to explain what he and Gunner had done. But then Logan launched into some anecdote about her and, though everything had gone to shit, Logan's voice was almost enough of a comfort.
Eduard loved Gunner, he really did, but there were certain things they disagreed on. That was normal. Everyone disagreed on one topic or another. He just wished Gunner wouldn't be so opinionated about it. Just like he wished Gunner wouldn't try to kiss him in public.
"I'm just saying," he was telling him, opening a beer and leaning against his window, watching the children playing below in the park across the road, "he's already ruined his ex-girlfriend's life. I wouldn't let him ruin yours too. I mean, what kind of dad gets his friend to look after his kid?" Eduard just focused on his work, trying not to think about what he was saying, but he couldn't. Logan was his best friend.
"He's a good father. Better than mine, at least."
"Because good dads have kids at 16. My dad had me at 18 and he was shitty, nevermind some stupid kid like Logan. But I guess you don't understand what that's like."
"I know what shitty-"
"So you're suddenly an expert on shitty parents?"
"You've seen-"
"C'mon, babe, you've got it easy. I mean, they aren't ideal, but they got you that computer, didn't they? And your dad didn't fuck off before you were born?"
Eduard didn't reply, turning his head to the ground. He had a point there. His parents were cold but at least he hadn't grown up without a dad like Gunner had. What was he thinking, trying to compare experiences like that?
"See? You don't know what you're talking about. Why defend him?" He tried to ignore Gunner, but he wouldn't stop. "He's just irresponsible, y'know? And he keeps trying to muscle in as well. Like, he can't see you all the time. Is he jealous or something?"
Eduard didn't have the energy to argue back.
"How has his kid not been taken into care yet?" Gunner continued, "he can't look after her. He can't look after himself. What would he know?"
"He has his parents to help," Eduard tried.
"Good for him," said Gunner bitterly. "I don't like him, though. He's not good for you." He began pacing the room. "He's a bad influence, I can tell. You want to go to uni, right? Get into Cambridge? Somehow ?"
"Yeah."
"Then stay away from him, promise?"
Eduard stared at him, open-mouthed.
"Look, it's gonna be hard enough trying to study and see me without him elbowing in. I don't trust him. He's loud and stupid and I don't think UCAS are interested in babysitter jobs, so why should you have to spend time with his kid? He can find someone else to take the fall. Or maybe he'll knock someone else up and they can get stuck with him. At least Estelle had the sense to leave him."
"Didn't he and Estelle break up because her family was moving back to Cameroon?" He remembered Logan being really upset about it, but they all agreed it was for the best.
"Yeah, moving to get away from him."
"What? Because people move to another continent over that? Gunner, he's my best friend. I've known him forever; you can't just expect me to stop seeing him."
Gunner rolled his eyes. "I'm just trying to help you. Giving you my boyfriendly advice. But fine, if you think you know better, go for it."
"I will."
"Just looking out for you. I'm sorry."
Eduard supposed he'd won the argument, but he couldn't quite shake the feeling that he'd lost. It was the guilt. It always seemed to rear its ugly head with Gunner.
He didn't let it go. He asked, pleaded, begged and guilt-tripped at any opportunity, wearing Eduard down until he finally said he'd think about it. And then brought it up again and again until Eduard finally promised to see less of Logan, because Eduard thinking about it wasn't enough. Wasn't going to change things. But he knew Gunner wouldn't be happy until he'd cut the boy from his life completely. It was the same as Gunner convincing Eduard to sleep with him, but this time he couldn't just lie back and pretend to enjoy it. He either broke a promise to his boyfriend, or broke his best friend's heart and shattered a 12-year bond that had probably saved his life.
So, ever the problem solver, he did the noble thing and ignored Logan. That way he wouldn't break his promise, but he wouldn't have to say goodbye to him either.
"Wanna come over?" Logan asked, sitting cross-legged on the sofa. He watched Allirea trying to fit Harry into one of her old princess dresses, with little success.
Even if Jem's old clothes had been in any fit state to be worn, Allirea wouldn't have touched them. She liked pretty things, and the few clothes Jem hadn't torn to shreds and covered in dirt - her nicest dresses - were used for exploring, or painting, or doing anything mucky.
Harry, on the other hand, had to make do with Allirea's old dresses. Not that Layla hadn't knitted her a billion other outfits too.
"I'm sorry," came Eduard's voice. "I've got to study."
"Again?"
"Well, we kinda learn new things each lesson."
"I know, I know, it's just… you've been busy all week. I miss you, mate."
"Yeah, they're cranking up the pressure. Both teachers and my parents. And my place is just… quieter. Some other time, though. Gotta go."
"Oh. Alright, see you soon."
After a month of barely seeing Eduard, Logan realised he was ignoring him. He didn't answer his calls at all. At school, he never left Gunner's side - either that or he was too busy studying to talk.
Logan couldn't stop worrying about him, neither could he shake the feeling that he'd done something to upset him. Was it something to do with Gunner, or had Eduard started listening to and agreeing with his parents' distaste for any member of the Cooper family.
So Logan decided to pay him a visit. He wasn't scared of Anton and Eliisabet, not since he'd been a child.
Anton wasn't happy to see him at all, and it took all his diplomacy to be allowed to see Eduard. He looked at him like he was something he'd stepped in at the park, if Anton were inclined to ever visit such a place. But after being made to feel like the smallest, stupidest person on earth, Logan finally escaped to Eduard's room.
He knocked on the door politely, and came in to find Eduard buried under a pile of homework, at his desk and looking ready to collapse. He always was a hard worker. He'd always admired that, seen him as some whip-smart genius, with all his timetables and careful notes and infinite array of highlighters. He didn't look like that now. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week.
The older Logan got, the more he understood just why his mum was so protective of him. Right now, he just wanted to wrap him in a blanket and give him hot chocolate and tell him it was okay to just stop working himself to death for five seconds.
Eduard glanced at him with tired eyes, and a whole lotta fear. Then he turned back to his work.
"I'm busy," he mumbled guiltily.
Logan sat on the bed. "Ed, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. I just want to actually pass these exams."
"This isn't studying, this is insanity. Have you been eating?"
Eduard shrugged.
"Sleeping?"
Another shrug. "Sleep is for the weak."
"Ed, this isn't funny."
Eduard bit his thumbnail. He didn't take his eyes off his desk. "Logan, what are you doing here?"
"Checking up on you," he gave a shrug; "I haven't seen you in ages. I've… I've been worried, man."
"I'm fine. Just got work to do."
"Mate, I don't know how much work you're doing, but whatever it is, it's not 20 hours a week. You're wasting away in here. "
"I'm fine."
"I've found things lost under my bed that were more fine than you." Eduard briefly remembered the snails Logan had kept under his bed as a child in a plastic box. He'd intended to keep them as pets and study them, but all he'd really learnt was to put air holes in the containers. He'd stuffed the suffocated snails back under his bed and left them there for months, out of shame. At least he'd kept Harry alive. Maybe. He hadn't actually seen her in months.
"Come on," he continued, softer, "this isn't healthy."
"Logan, look at my face." He swiveled his chair to face him with a stony expression.
"Wha-"
"Just look at it."
"Okay."
"Look at it hard. Study it. Memorise it." He couldn't not study it. His eyes were bloodshot, lined with bags. He looked even paler than usual. Last time Logan had seen a face like that, he'd been shooting at it in a video game. "Now, please tell me just what about my face makes me look like I asked for your opinion?"
Logan blew a raspberry at him.
"Very mature. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone."
"Ed-"
"Go, before I start talking about the quadratic equation."
"You wouldn't."
"I would. I know far too much about it." He gestured at his Maths textbook.
"You know a lot," he agreed, "so much. Like why you've been avoiding me, for example."
Eduard dropped his pencil. "I- I haven't."
"I just want to know. Genuinely, mate, I'm not mad. I just want to know. Did I do something?"
He shook his head quickly. "I told you. Just work."
"Ed, you're a great liar, but you're my best friend. Don't think I don't know when you're hiding stuff. Just… please. I miss you."
"You can have other friends, why can't I?"
"Ed, this isn't about Gunner and that lot. You don't have to be right here with me all the time. But you're straight-up ignoring me! You won't answer my texts!"
"Well maybe I don't want to!" Eduard never raised his voice. He never even got angry. "Maybe I want to balance studying and my boyfriend, and you elbowing in at every opportunity isn't helping! Maybe I have better things to do than waste time with some loud, irresponsible idiot who can't even take care of himself, let alone his kid! Just… find some other babysitter, Logan."
Logan flinched like he'd been slapped. Eduard was as horrified at what he'd said as he was.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"Oh fuck off, Eduard." He got up and stormed out of his bedroom.
Eduard just stared at his slammed-shut door in shock. He didn't want to fight him. He didn't even believe himself. Why did he say that? What was happening to him?
He couldn't even muster the energy to get back to work. He just curled up in his bed, wrapped himself in his duvet, and cried.
The summer holidays were lonely without Logan. They hadn't gone this long without seeing each other since they'd met. Most days, Eduard holed up in his bedroom, looking through the next year's work and getting as ahead as he could, or went out to Gunner's to spend the day with him. Somehow, that was lonelier. Still, he was nice - they went into town to get lunch or watch a film or get some stationery shopping done. Gunner often bought him things, if he had the money - he was sweet like that. Eduard ended up getting a part-time job at the CeX on the high street, not just for work experience but to return the favour from time to time. Things were good between them, as long as Eduard didn't start any arguments.
Still, the incident months ago, on Eduard's bed with the textbook abandoned on the floor, wasn't the last of its kind. After a while, Eduard had learnt to just make the best of it - it didn't creep him out so much anymore. Sometimes he actually wanted it. Surely that took away any right he had to fight back - Gunner wasn't a mind-reader, after all. How was he to know?
He wanted to see Logan badly. And not just him, but Jem and Allirea and Harry and Mr and Mrs Cooper too. He missed homemade dinners and people asking about how he was feeling or what he'd been up to besides schoolwork. He missed their noise and jokes and how they cared about him. He missed being cared about. His parents were as bad as ever and as nice as Gunner was, he couldn't exactly talk to him the way he could to Logan's family. He didn't trust him the way he trusted them.
But after what had happened… he couldn't face Logan again.
It wasn't until the school year started again that they were able to talk. He'd longed for it and dreaded it for the last six weeks. He hid away from him where he could, detouring to avoid walking past the table he always sat at. The conversation was inevitable, but he'd put it off as long as he could.
Jem was there to meet him after class, glowering at the door from where she was standing, waiting for him to step out. Although he'd managed to avoid Logan all day - telling himself he would get round to apologising at some point, he swore - there was nothing he could do against an angry, 15-year-old, flannel-butch force of nature. She grabbed him by the ear and dragged him down so they were face-to-face.
"Alright, what the fuck did you do?"
"What?"
"To Logan, idiot. What did you do?"
"Jem, I didn't-"
"He's been heartbroken all summer, moping around saying you'd had a fight and you hated him."
"I-" He saw Logan hovering awkwardly by the school gate, looking quite unsure if he should intervene. Eduard wasn't sure if he wanted him to. "Jem, don't get involved."
"I wouldn't have to if you weren't being such a huge cunt."
"This really isn't your battle to fight."
"Make him fight it, then!" She pointed at Logan, who waved awkwardly. "Fucking apologise to him or I'll break your jaw until you can't talk at all!"
Eduard had play-fought with Jem enough to know that she definitely could and probably would. He gave a resigned sigh, stepped past her, and joined Logan at the gate.
"Can I buy you a McDonald's?"
He blinked. "Really odd way of saying sorry."
"Shut up and let me buy you a McDonald's. This isn't the place for it."
He looked out at the torrent of kids leaving the school gates. Gunner was there, with some of his friends. He shot Logan a poisonous look, then proceeded to glare at the back of Eduard's head.
"Nah, yeah, fair point. Let's get out of here. Jem!"
She looked back at him.
"Me and Eddie are getting McDonald's. You can get home alright on your own?"
She gave him a thumbs up, picked her bike up off the fence she'd left it leaning on, and rode off, Year 7s screaming and jumping out of her path. She even twatted a couple of the slower ones out of the way.
"HURRY UP, YOU LITTLE SHITS!" she bellowed, ringing her bell repetitively. Eduard couldn't help but laugh.
"She'll be running the Tour de France in no time."
"It's a surprise she isn't already." Logan smiled at him, and for a second Eduard could pretend everything hadn't gone to shit, all courtesy of him.
They walked down to McDonald's on the high street. They caught each other up on their summers - or rather, Logan told Eduard about his grandparents' visit from Australia and Eduard tried not to think about his own dismal six weeks - but something was missing. There was a gap between them, a canyon with a rickety bridge. He was making small talk with a classmate he barely knew, not talking with his best friend. Eduard needed to fix things, and desperately.
He bought them each a McFlurry, a burger, a large fries and a drink (Coke for him, Fanta for Logan), then took a seat in a booth.
"Just got paid," he offered, by way of explanation.
"You've got a job now?"
"Mhmm. CeX, just across the street there."
"How is it?"
"Fine."
"Good."
They settled into silence. They could always do that, without any awkwardness, just enjoy each other's company without saying a word. Now it felt wrong. It hung in the air, clanky and awkward. Logan eventually had to break it.
"Mate, are you gonna actually talk about this thing, or are you gonna buy my silence and pretend to forget it ever happened? Because you kind of said some really shitty things."
Eduard ate a fry to stall. He didn't know what to do here.
"Ed? Will you fucking talk to me?"
"I'm sorry. Really sorry. I just- I can't stop thinking about what I said, and I want you to know I didn't mean even a word of it and-"
"I know you didn't. I don't care. I mean, fuck, it hurt, but what hurt more was that you said it. That wasn't the Ed I know. That wasn't you at all, was it?"
He shook his head.
"I don't give a fuck about what you said."
"You do."
Logan laughed. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. It hurt like a rounders bat to the balls. I hope you know I'm super pissed off with you."
"You have a right to be. You're not really acting it, though, are you?"
Logan shook his head. "Nah. You wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"Because you're my best friend. And I fucking hate you, but I love you, and that wasn't you talking. I just want to know what Gunner did."
"Why do you always assume it's Gunner?"
"Am I wrong?"
Eduard opened his mouth to protest, but just sighed and sipped his coke. "He doesn't like you."
"No shit."
"He reckons you're bad for me."
"Bad for him, more like."
"Logan, he really doesn't like us hanging out. I know, it sounds dumb, but he has his reasons."
"What fucking reasons?" Logan's voice rose. "Why's he get to say who you can hang out with?"
Eduard couldn't look him in the eyes. He stirred his coke with his straw. "Just… we can't see each other anymore. You understand?"
It dawned on Logan how dangerous Gunner really was. How much power he had over Eduard for him to just give in like that. He didn't want to know how he'd scared him into the shell that was his best friend.
"I understand. But can we not, I don't know, sneak around? Keep it away from school, obviously, but you're still my best mate. I don't want to lose you over him."
Eduard hesitated, but he nodded, swallowing though his mouth was completely dry. "Yeah. We can try."
Learning to pretend sure came in handy at times. He could pretend to be the perfect, obedient son, the perfect, obedient boyfriend, and now he could pretend he was just visiting a relative. That was why he was taking a different bus home.
When Logan asked again, a week later, he told him he and his parents had moved. Anton wanted to live nearer to the hospital he worked at. It was fine. Nothing was wrong.
Logan didn't buy it. Eduard could lie to his parents - he'd had to - and he'd slowly molded himself into what Gunner wanted, but he could never lie to Logan. They knew each other too well. He also didn't like how Eduard had somehow gotten even thinner, even paler. He didn't eat at lunch. He looked completely miserable, like he'd lost the will to live and carry on. When he asked Tino about it, the boy mentioned he'd stopped caring about handing in work or revising for exams. He said he'd even fallen asleep in Computer Science.
Of course, nothing could've prepared Logan for what he saw when he decided to follow him. It wasn't easy - Logan was about as discreet as a parade of screaming elephant drag queens - but Eduard didn't notice him until he'd shuffled through the front doors of the shabbiest hotel Logan had ever seen. The glass in the front door was held together with brown tape, the steps leading to it decorated with takeaway boxes, and when he stepped inside he found the carpet was more stamped-in gum than actual carpet. What was he doing here?
"I thought your parents made more than this? Or is this your new job?"
Eduard yelped, jumping like a scared cat and wheeling round with wide eyes. "Lo- what are you doing here?"
He shrugged. "I was worried about ya."
Eduard was looking anywhere but at Logan. "I'm fine. I'm fine. Just… please leave."
"Nope, no way. Eddie, come on. Talk to me. We could always talk, right?"
He glanced at his shoes. "Not this time. Please, just go."
"Ed…"
"Logan, please." His voice was thick, and he hid his eyes behind his sleeve.
"Do you live here?"
He froze. "I-" He bit his cheek, then turned and ran down the corridor. Logan cursed and sprinted after him.
For the first time in his life, Eduard regretted all those doctor's notes he'd forged to get out of P.E. (if he wasn't in the same class as Logan, it just wasn't worth it) because he only managed to make it halfway to his room before Logan caught up.
"Eduard Kalev Mets, don't you dare run away from this," he grabbed his arm, and Eduard yelped.
"Get off!" He tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but couldn't find the energy. The run had taken everything out of him and he swayed as a rush of dizziness threatened to topple him.
Then it did.
Logan caught him before he hit the floor. "Oh fuck, Eddie!"
"I'm fine, I promise," he mumbled, "just… a dizzy spell. I'm fine. Don't worry."
"Which one's your room?"
He bit his lip, mind whirring, before finally relenting and handing over his keycard. "025."
Logan half-carried him to his room and set him down on his rock-hard mattress. He fished out a packet of sweets he'd been grazing from all day and handed them to him. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing, which was what he suspected Eduard had been subsiding on.
Everything he owned was either in a suitcase in the corner, or the cardboard box next to it. His keyboard was folded up and left in its box, leaning on the wall. Logan spotted the planets Layla had painted for him, as well as his rock and all his books and clothes. Every present the Coopers had ever gotten him was in that little box; his parents had never really bothered to celebrate birthdays or Christmas that way.
"Ed, please. Just tell me what's going on. Be honest with me."
Eduard took one look at him and burst into tears. Logan hugged him - not as tight as he usually did. He looked like he could just snap, or crumble into dust if he squeezed too hard. He let Eduard cry himself hoarse, until he had no more tears left to cry. Then they sat there in silence.
"Hey, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I've got you."
"I- Gunner made this… this plan. That we'd drop out, defer all our offers, live together somewhere close by. It was stupid. It was a stupid fucking plan, and I actually tried to tell him it was. I tried to tell him there was no way. I mean, I have to go to university. It's not optional. But he wouldn't listen, obviously. He never listens. He had it all figured out. Every time I tried to say it was a bad idea, he just shot me down. Or got upset. He was trying so hard and I was just shitting all over it , he said. And I was just setting myself up for disappointment, trying to get into a top uni, anyway. I didn't have a chance against the rest of the country. So I agreed. I told my parents."
At that point, he got choked up again. Logan handed him a plastic cup of water on the bedside table. "It's okay. Take your time."
He took a long drink, then a moment to breathe. "I mean, they weren't happy. Obviously. They'd be disappointed if I didn't get into Cambridge - hell, I'd be disappointed. I mean, that's not just their ambition. I wanted to get in too. But to not go at all, to not even apply for a place, that's… I mean, it's unacceptable. So they chucked me out."
"Jesus."
"I can just afford this place, with my job, if I work extra shifts and don't eat too much." Or barely at all, by the look of him. "It's fine. Mostly asylum seekers and other homeless kids. It's only temporary, anyway. Until Gunner gets us a place."
"And you couldn't move in with Gunner now?" Logan suspected the guy would just love to have Eduard living with him, completely under his thumb. At the very least, Eduard wasn't there. Then again, at least Gunner would feed him. Hopefully.
He bit his lip. "He'd… it would be like I was criticizing his plan, y'know? I know how dumb that sounds. It's not… I just didn't know how to tell him and now it's been weeks and he'll get mad I've been lying about it. He doesn't suspect anything. My parents don't let him come over anyway."
"Couldn't you stay with your cousin?"
Eduard shook his head. "He'd tell Gunner. Or let it slip out. Or he'd find out himself and I'd have to tell him everything. And anyway, I couldn't do that to Tino or his parents. I didn't want to be a burden, y'know?"
"And you didn't want to stay with me for the same reason?"
He nodded. "And, if Gunner found out…"
Logan stared at him for the longest moment. "Eddie, be honest with me. Did he hit you?"
"No."
"Are you scared he'll hit you?"
"He wouldn't. I don't think he would. But he'd be mad, if he found out I'd broken my promise."
"He doesn't have to know," Logan said softly.
"He'll find out! He'll wear me down until I give in." Then he added in a small voice: "he's good at that."
"Like getting you away from me?"
He nodded. "And letting the shit he does go. And… and kisses, in public, even when nobody knew. Course, everyone knows now. You've seen the walls in the boys' toilets. And… and, uh-"
"And what?" Logan had a sneaking suspicion of what he was about to say. It made him feel sick to the stomach. Eduard didn't have it in him to say it, but the look in his eyes confirmed it all.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Logan did. Logan wanted to know everything Gunner had done and he wanted to kill him over it. Instead, he held Eduard to his chest and let him cry on his shoulder.
"It's okay. It's okay, I'm here, mate. Do you wanna stay with us?"
"I- I can't. He'll kill me. Or you. I don't know."
"He won't fucking touch you if I have anything to do with it. Jem too. You know she's taken up kickboxing? And regular boxing. She'll knock seven shades of shit outta him."
"Are you sure it'll be okay with-"
"With Layla fucking Cooper? You think my mum'll let you stay anywhere else if I tell her?"
Eduard laughed shakily. "I miss her."
"And her prawn curry, right?"
He nodded, then blushed at the rumbling in his stomach.
"So stay with us! Come on. We've always got room for you."
He sighed, watching as Logan got up and started packing his things..
"I don't have any other options, do I?"
"Absolutely not."
It was a testament to just how long he'd been avoiding the Coopers that he didn't know Layla and Logan Sr had had another baby.
Allirea was sat on the sofa, brushing Harry's hair, whist Harry herself ran a tiny, plastic doll's hair brush through baby Manya's fine, fluffy brown hair. Layla had knitted her her own blanket too, bright blue with dolphins. Manya stared up at Eduard with a bored expression, dribbling slightly.
"Hey," he gave the three girls a sheepish wave before Layla appeared in a whirl of bushy hair and he found himself enveloped in a hug.
"Eduard!" her voice was caught between a cry and a wail, "oh thank heavens you're okay! Logan sent me a message saying what happened and there's some chicken in the oven so get unpacked and settled in, then you can have some proper food."
Eduard hugged back, burying his face in her hair. "I've missed you, mum."
Layla pulled away with a teary smile, holding his face in her hands. "Eddie, why didn't you tell us? You're always welcome here."
Eduard looked away. "I didn't want to bother you."
"You silly boy," she told him sternly, waggling a finger in his face, "My house is your house."
And with that, Eduard was crying again. He went back into her arms, mostly to hide his face in the crook of her neck, even if he had to bend almost to a 90° angle to do so.
"I'm sorry. I just really missed you."
She rubbed his back. "It's okay. I missed you too, Eddie."
He felt something brush against his leg, and looked down to find Harry clinging to his shin.
"Hello." He couldn't quite muster the enthusiasm he probably should have had for talking to small children.
"Eggy!"
"You miss me too?"
Harry nodded, aggressively enough to give a lesser infant whiplash.
"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere."
"Sit yourself down," Layla lead him to the sofa. "Loggie will take your things upstairs. Would you like some tea? Coffee?"
"Coffee sounds nice," he croaked. Harry climbed onto his lap and gave him a hug. He stroked her hair, turning to Allirea.
"Another Cooper, huh?" he nodded at the baby.
"This is Manya." Allirea carefully lifted up her sister. "She was born last month!"
"She's so tiny," he smiled at the baby, who continued to stare at him, as babies were often wont to do. They often did it on public transport, and he didn't care for it one bit.
"That's because she's a baby, Eduard," she pointed out, in her condescending 5-year-old way.
"She sure is."
Layla came bustling into the room carrying a tray of chicken drumsticks, pasta and a pot of coffee. "Here, eat up! There are donuts waiting for when you're done."
Eduard thanked her, then tucked in. He tried to keep polite about it, keep his manners, but he was so desperately hungry he wolfed the whole thing down like a starving child eating properly for the first time. Which he was.
Afterwards, he spent the evening curled up on the sofa, eating donuts and snuggling up to Steveo and the babies, laughing and joking with Logan and Jem, and he couldn't remember feeling happier. Logan snuck them each a beer from the fridge. When his dad caught him red-handed, he just handed him a big packet of crisps with a wink.
"Do you think I should break up with Gunner?"
It had been a while since the two of them had shared a bed, but there was nowhere else Eduard wanted to be right now. It was just like when they were kids, though there was a desperation in how Eduard clung to his friend, a yearning for warmth and comfort and someone who wouldn't hurt him.
"Absolutely," Logan whispered back.
"But-"
"He's abusing you. Like your parents were, but this time you aren't depending on him for food and shelter and stuff, so do it before he starts trying to control that too. Drop him like the sack of shit he is."
"He's not all bad."
"Do you enjoy being with him? Like, most of the time you're with him?"
"Course I do. He's my boyfriend."
"Let me rephrase. When was the last time you looked at him and thought " yeah, this is a good guy who consistently makes me happy" ? Like, honestly."
Eduard was silent for a long moment.
"That's the bare minimum. He doesn't love you. If he did, he'd be supporting you, not trying to control you."
"He scares me sometimes," Eduard admitted, "Don't think I loved him either, not really. Not from the start. I just wanted… something. Someone, I guess. Is that bad?"
"Who cares? He's the one that did what he did to you."
"But if I was just using him like that, how am I better than him?"
"Did you ever make him do something he was uncomfortable with? Ever guilt him into changing? Nah. You're just a kid who didn't know better," he bit his lip, "who didn't feel like you could say 'no' at any point."
"He didn't know better either."
"He did. You don't do what he did accidentally. It was, well, it was all calculated, to get you on your own, break you down." Logan took his hand, gently squeezing it. "Invite him here. That way you'll have all of us to back you up if he tries getting pissy. It's completely your choice, though."
Eduard bit his lip. "You don't need to-"
"I want to. I want to kick his ass."
He knew Gunner was mad at him from the moment he opened the door. He said nothing about it, though, and after a stiff greeting and a kiss Eduard couldn't be bothered to wriggle out of, his demeanour completely changed. He put on his brightest smile as he introduced himself to the Coopers, laughing and joking until he realised not one of them was laughing along. Layla was managing a polite smile, but both Logans and Jem were looking like they were trying not to glare with too much disgust. Harry had hidden behind Allirea until both left the room.
He was starting to see the signs, all the little red flags Layla had explained to him. Even with his facade, he now looked like a monster.
In turn, Logan noticed how Eduard changed when he was with him. The light was gone from his smile, he seemed to wither. He was scared. He seemed to shrink back, to something Gunner would not see as an equal but rather his personal slave or pet.
"So," Gunner clapped his hands, hoping to diffuse the awkward atmosphere. It didn't work. "Eddie, what d'ya wanna talk to me about?"
"Not here," he mumbled.
"Man, you gotta speak up."
"Not here," said Eduard, louder.
"You can use my music room," suggested Mr Cooper, like they'd planned. It would be okay. This was going to work.
Eduard led Gunner outside, to the shed Mr Cooper had turned into his new music room, after giving up his old one to turn into a bedroom for Allirea and Harry. As soon as they were out of the family's earshot, Gunner exploded.
"What are you doing with him? Staying at his fucking house?! I told you, babe, I told you not to hang around with him! He's not good for you! Why are you so fucking useless with the most basic thing I ask you to do?"
Eduard had expected the outburst, but it made him flinch. He shrank in on himself like a telescope. He couldn't do this. "I'm sorry."
"It's just, like, you don't even care what I have to say! I'm your boyfriend and you're showing me all this disrespect! What, do you like him more than me? You don't give a shit about your actual boyfriend but you'll happily spend all the time in the world with some retarded slut and his stupid family?"
Something snapped in Eduard. A sudden flash of resolve, all the motivation he needed to stand up for himself. "Yes! I like him more than you! He's my best friend, and you're some guy I started dating because you asked me to!" He couldn't quite believe he was saying what he was saying, but he couldn't stop. "He's nice. He cares about people. He cares so much and you don't give a shit about anyone but you. He doesn't try to control me, or mould me, or hurt me. He's my friend. And he always will be. You can't change that. We're over, Gunner. You and me, we're done."
He was silent for a second. He looked down at the floor. Then his eyes flicked up to Eduard, shining with tears. "Please. I can change, we can make this work, give me another chance."
"I've given you so many fucking chances."
"I love you. I love you so much, I don't think I could live without you."
Eduard shook his head in disbelief. He half-laughed.
"I'm being serious! If you leave me, I have nothing. I'd end up killing myself. You want that on your conscience?"
Eduard almost folded at that. What if he did kill himself? What if he really loved him and genuinely couldn't live without him? No, Layla told him Gunner might say that.
"Then get help," he said, "but don't try to guilt-trip me into staying with you. It's not gonna work this time. I know you, Gunner. And I wish I didn't. You're actually a pretty awful person."
He didn't know what he was expecting. Maybe that he'd be an adult for once and walk away. Maybe that he'd go on guilt-tripping him.
Certainly not that he'd slap him across the face.
Eduard cried out in shock. His left cheek burned and his glasses were left askew.
"How can you do this to me, Ed? I try so hard and you just-"
They were interrupted by the shed door slamming open and Logan lunging at Gunner. "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM! DON'T LAY A FINGER ON HIM! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU HEAR ME? I WILL-"
Logan's parents ran in after him, pulling him off, with Eduard's help. Once he was breathing right, Layla took over. She grabbed Gunner by the collar of his t-shirt and pulled him down to her height.
"Get. Out. Of my. House."
Justly terrified, Gunner backed out of the shed and made a run for it, leaving Eduard with his family. Logan put his hand on his shoulder.
"You okay?"
Eduard gave him a look. "Were you eavesdropping?"
"No. Well, kind of." He nodded at the window. "I just wanted to make sure he didn't hurt you. Or wear you down again. Didn't think he'd actually hit you with all of us just over in the house, but… wow. Sorry, though."
"No, no, I guess it was needed."
"Sweetie," Layla stroked the back of his head, "want us to call the police?"
"No, that seems more trouble than it's worth." He shrugged. "Doesn't matter, anyway. I'm free, right? He can't hurt me anymore."
She wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry you had to go through all this, baby."
He shrugged. "All in the past now."
Logan was going to tell him. He was going to tell Eduard he loved him and he was going to show him how a proper boyfriend treated him. He was going to keep him safe and happy and make sure no one else hurt him. He was done watching people walk all over Eduard, treat him like a tool or maggot, telling him he was worthless.
"I don't think I was meant to be loved."
Eduard's voice came out of nowhere, so small in the surrounding darkness. They were clinging to each other again, partially to stop themselves falling out the bed, and partially because Eduard was still shaken over the day's events. His face still stung, and he wasn't looking forward to his next maths lesson, but Logan couldn't have been more proud of him.
His words were unexpected, though.
"You are," he whispered back, kissing the top of his forehead. "And you are loved."
"But Gunner, and my parents- I mean, they're my parents and they didn't even-"
"Fuck 'em. They don't deserve you. You're brilliant, Eddie. And now you're away from all these horrible people, you'll be able to see it. You can see why I… why we all like you so much."
"I don't think I'll bother with relationships, though. Not for a while. Don't wanna risk more of… whatever the hell that was."
Logan's heart sank, but he nodded. Eduard was right. Of course he was; he needed time for himself, to do things just for him and heal . "Yeah, do some self-care and stuff. Treat yourself. We'll be here for you and help get you back on your feet. Get you into uni and you can put it all behind you."
"I don't have a chance at uni now," he sighed, "I didn't apply."
"You can still get in, through clearing, right? I'll help you with the application. You shouldn't be wasting your time stuck in this town when you can do anything. Whatever you want, you can do it because you're amazing. I mean, you're a fucking genius. Mr Predicted-Straight-A*s, remember? You still are, aren't you?"
He nodded, then thought about it for a long while. "Fine, but you gotta apply too." He remembered Logan mentioning he wasn't going, despite wanting to do marine biology for years.
"You know I can't. I gotta look after Harry."
"Take her with you. We can explain to the uni and you can balance it all and get help and I'll be there with you. Like, our timetables will probably be different so we can both do the school run."
Logan raised an eyebrow. "She's two."
"She not in school yet?"
"Do you not know anything about babies?"
"Apparently not. Still, you have all summer to teach me. You know, before we both go to uni."
We're really sorry to Denmark fans - we actually really love him as a character but... yeah. If you want to imagine it's not him but some random douchebag, that's fine!