Hi! We're back! With more sad shit! But we're well over the hill, and nearly at the end. Only two chapters and an epilogue left!
Warning for more violence and hospital stuff.
Also Happy Paddy's Day.
...
Logan had become a widower at 28. Eduard was sure that was the age he would die.
Logan didn't hear from Eduard in a week. The long hours he spent at Reilly's side, stroking their hair as they slept, gave him time to think about it. And Hunapo. Eduard and Hunapo. The loves of his life. Could he have lost them both within days of each other?
"You know, I never thought, out of us, Huna would be the first to go," said Lyubov, drying her eyes. Logan glanced up from Reilly's sleeping face, eyebrow raised.
"Not that I thought about it," she added quickly, "just… well, I always assumed-"
"You can say me, it's fine." Logan didn't like this conversation very much.
Lyubov made a face. "Well, I thought there might be a chance you'd get a sports injury. Or maybe an STD. No offence."
"I was with Huna since fresher's year!"
"You expect me to believe you two of all people never organised a threesome?"
"Bold of you to assume we stopped at three." He decided not to mention his perfect threesome involved his dead partner and Lyubov's maybe-dead ex boyfriend. Or that they'd almost tried to make it actually happen. Until then, the conversation had been a good - if weird - distraction from all that.
They fell into silence as Logan stroked Reilly's hair. It was coarse, like his, and curly, like Hunapo's. Their face was all Hunapo, though, and it hurt, looking down at them. The bruises were fading now, yellow kisses on their cheeks. The hospital's sheets were thin, completely failing to cover up the worst part of it all. Their legs were cut off a little above the knee. They'd been completely shattered. It was the only option.
The police still couldn't find who did it; they'd driven off after crashing the car and destroying Reilly's family and life. Nobody had seen the number plate. All Logan could tell them was that it was blue.
All he could remember was Hunapo fiddling with their seatbelt as they pulled out of the school car park, and a second later, their unseeing face inches from his, sprawled out on the hood. Somewhere behind him, Reilly had screamed. He still heard it, raw and boiling, like they couldn't even process the amount of pain they were in.
It lasted hours.
He looked back up at Lyubov.
"I'm going to get him outta there," he said.
"You are? You going to go with the plan or-"
"Fuck that. I'm going over there and I'm doing to Gunner whatever he's done to Eduard. Right now."
"You sure that's a good idea?"
Logan shrugged. "No. But I'm not gonna wait."
She hesitated, then nodded. "Alright. Go raise hell. Get him back."
He hadn't set foot in the place in years, and, until a week ago, he hadn't seen Eduard in almost as long. He'd heard the horror stories, from Hunapo and Lyubov and Tino, but nothing had prepared Logan for what had come shuffling into the hospital ward.
And, chances are, he would be in a worse state now.
Gunner's bike wasn't locked up to the fence. That was how Huna could always tell if Eduard was alone. Taking that as some sort of reassurance, he knocked at the door and braced himself. No answer. None of his calls to Eduard were going through. But he had to see him.
When they were eight years old, Eduard had been grounded for a month. He couldn't remember why. A bad mark, or maybe he'd talked back to his parents. Or maybe even used Australian slang by accident; that was usually enough to make his former dad nearly evaporate in rage.
Why couldn't Eduard ever get a break from these kinds of people?
It was, at the time, possibly the worst month of Logan's life. After a lot of missing him, he had managed to climb in through his bedroom window. They'd hidden together for hours. His parents never came to check on him, even when Logan heard the clinking of plates and cutlery from downstairs. Eduard didn't seem bothered that they were eating dinner without him, and had for a few days now without saving him any, just glad he wasn't still locked in that cupboard in the dining room. Once his parents had found out he was claustrophobic, it became a favourite punishment of theirs'.
There was one open window upstairs. Maybe it could have fit him if he climbed up there. He was strong, he could pull himself up on top of the porch and then it'd be easy. But he was very aware that he was not, currently, eight years old. He wasn't sure how sturdy the roof was, but he was not a light man.
But he had to get to Eduard.
He tested one of the beams holding it up, elbowed it as hard as he could. It didn't wobble. That was reassuring, but he wasn't out of the woods yet.
He took ahold of the drainpipe and tried to pull himself up, but only succeeded in tearing it down. He attempted - quite ineffectually - to put it back.
"What am I doing?" he muttered to himself, "Fix your own fucking drain, you slimy cunt."
He tried again, just about managing to get a grip on it, but he couldn't pull himself up. He fell down again and again, until he decided he needed another approach.
Wide window to the living room.
Big decorative stone on the ground.
Hardly subtle, but it wasn't like it mattered. Gunner wasn't home. He threw it through the window. The glass shattered easily and he took a moment to applaud himself on his arm. He used the drainpipe to bat away the stubborn shards of glass still fixed in the window pane and stepped inside.
Their house looked so normal. He didn't know what he'd been expecting. Darkness and broken crockery and the distant screams of the tortured. Fire and brimstone. He walked through the room silently. Gunner wasn't home, but he still listened out for him, still clutched the drainpipe - though he wasn't sure it would be much use in a fight - as he tiptoed up the stairs and checked every room he passed, opening each door as silently as he could until he found the bedroom.
Eduard had his back to him. He was lying so still. He didn't turn his head to look. Logan wasn't quite sure if he could. He wasn't quite sure he was breathing. He lay there perfectly still. A statue. A corpse. Logan dropped his drainpipe.
"Eddie?"
He tensed. Logan let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.
"Eddie, it's me."
He was silent for a long moment.
"Logan?"
"Logan."
"Can't be here." His voice sounded wrong.
"Neither should you, to be honest."
"Go."
"Not without you."
He still hadn't moved. Logan stepped around the bed and sat down next to him on the floor, face to face. He was covered in bruises and dried up blood and his mouth was slightly open. He was missing at least one tooth. His lip was burst. But worst of all was his eyes. They looked right through him. The whites were red, filled with blood, and his glasses were nowhere to be seen. He looked a little dead. But he was alive. And he was here. That was all Logan could ask for.
He didn't touch him, remembering how he'd frozen up at the hospital, but he gently rested his hand on the mattress next to him. "I missed you."
"Go home."
"Come with me."
"Can't. He'll-" Eduard winced. It was hurting him to talk.
"I won't let him."
"No."
"When's he coming back?"
He shrugged.
"Can you move?"
He shrugged.
"Can I help you up?"
He hesitated. Then he nodded and let Logan prop him up on the bed's headboard. He grimaced as tears streamed down his cheek. One of his arms fell limply next to him, at an angle, and from Eduard's whimper, Logan guessed several of his ribs were broken.
"Where are your glasses?"
He nodded toward the bedside table.
Logan picked up the mangled remains of his glasses. Only one lens was still intact.
"Where's the-"
"Face."
"What?"
Logan glanced back at him. Sure enough, there were little shards of glass embedded in his skin. He flinched when Logan tried to touch a particularly big piece, the size of his thumbnail, but Logan took it out of his cheek gently.
"Jesus Christ."
Eduard refused to look him in the eye. "Should start using contact lenses," he whispered, trying to smile.
Logan just looked down at the piece of glass in his hand. Covered in blood. Some of it dried, some of it straight out of Eduard. He'd cut deep. Right through his cheek.
"When did he do this?"
"After Huna. On and off. Mostly on."
He was going to kill him. He was going to kill Gunner with a goddamn drainpipe if he had to.
"What day is it?"
"Thursday."
"How long-"
"A week. A week and a day."
"The funeral-"
"Doesn't matter."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
Eduard took Logan's hand. "Should've been there."
"Don't like to think of what he'd have done if you'd gone." Logan rubbed his hand gently, tracing circles with his thumb. There was a ring on his finger. He looked between it and Eduard's face and joined the dots.
He nodded. "About a month."
Logan tried to slip it off his finger, but he clenched his hand into a fist.
"Can't take it off."
Logan glared at the ring. "I'm not leaving without you. You're not coming back here."
"He'll find me. He did it before. He'll kill me. Both of us."
"He'll kill you if you stay here."
"He'll stop once it's out of his system."
"Except it keeps coming back into his system. He likes hurting you, and he's gonna find another non-excuse to do it. And then what?"
Eduard shrugged. "I don't know, he'll probably shove me in a microwave or something. Who cares?"
"I care!"
"Care about something else. I can't go."
" Please . You're my best friend. I love you."
Eduard blinked at that, face unreadable for just a moment.
"Just go before he comes back. I'll be fine."
"You have your own glasses lenses in your face."
"Deserve it."
"For what? Being a good friend? Losing someone you cared about?"
"Being a terrible fiancé," he mumbled, "not s'posed to leave without telling him. He-" Eduard faltered. "He was worried."
"Sounds like he's the terrible fiancé," said Logan.
The rattling of keys in the front door made Eduard squirm and close in on himself, and Logan look for a weapon. The drainpipe would be too light to do the damage he was hoping to inflict. The lamp! It had sharp, metal corners and would hurt him more!
"Hide!"
"Not a fucking chance."
They could hear him downstairs. Footsteps. Footsteps. Then muffled shouting.
"Ed! What the fuck did you do to my window?"
He was coming up the stairs. Eduard was frozen on the spot. Logan snatched the lamp off the bedside table and stood between Eduard and the door.
He looked back at him, some vague attempt at reassurance. He'd never seen him so fucking scared in his life. Eduard shook his head, but Logan stood his ground.
The door burst open and Gunner stormed in.
"What the fuck are you playing at, you-"
He blinked.
Logan punched him across the face.
Gunner went flying, smacking into the wall and, for a moment, he seemed to forget where he was as he processed just what the hell had happened. Then he got back up. He made a start towards Eduard.
"Ed, you fucking-"
Logan punched him again. And again. He couldn't even be bothered using a weapon; he just wanted his fists in Gunner's face.
"Don't talk to him!" he yelled, "Don't you fucking look at him, you piece of shit! I will end you!"
Gunner wiped blood from the corner of his mouth.
"Don't tell me what to do with my fiancé!"
"He's more than your fiancé! He's a human being, not a goddamn punching bag!"
Gunner shoved him away. "He's fucking dead, is what he is!" Eduard whimpered, and Gunner shot a glare his way. "I'll find you. You know I will. He can't guard you forever, and when he looks away, I'll get you. I'll fucking destroy you-"
Logan punched him in the stomach. "You're never seeing him again!"
He glanced at Eduard. He was paralysed. Every shout and hit had him flinching like he was on the receiving end. Logan grabbed Gunner by the hair and charged out of the room into the hallway, kicking the door shut behind him. He didn't let go of him before he'd smashed his head into the wall. It wasn't the only bruise in the plaster.
"You enjoying this?" He punched Gunner in the throat. "Not fun, huh? Not so brave when a bigger guy does the same to you, fucking shitcunt! Bet you feel really fucking powerful now!"
He threw him to the ground, kneeling straight on his chest. Fists flew at his face, leaving burst lips and what would quickly become black eyes. Gunner tried to push him off, grab at him, but Logan wouldn't budge. He grabbed his throat and squeezed, throttling him like a jar with a stiff lid. His thumbs dug into his throat as Gunner gasped for breath. He was going red. Logan was aiming more for purple. He wasn't even totally sure what he was saying to him exactly. Profanities, presumably. Everything was a little red.
He kneeled on Gunner's barely-conscious body, grip tight, frozen. A voice was wrapped around his fist, a voice he'd loved with all his soul. A voice with the worst accent but the biggest heart and brain.
But now wasn't the time for that voice. It didn't belong in a place like this.
He was going to kill him. He promised himself he'd kill Gunner, make sure he wouldn't hurt Eduard again.
But he'd also made a promise to Hunapo.
He let go of his throat and stood up.
"A better human being than you told me not to be an idiot. That's the only reason you're alive."
Gunner just tried to get his breath back.
He kicked him in the ribs for good measure, then went back into the bedroom.
"Are you alright?"
Eduard shrugged. Logan rummaged round for a suitcase and began throwing clothes and anything else that looked remotely important to Eduard into it. Then he grabbed a laptop from the bedside table and put it in a rucksack. He couldn't pack the desktop, but he could at least get the essentials. He didn't know what Gunner would do to Eduard's stuff. Then he helped Eduard into a jacket and hat.
"Can you walk?"
He nodded. Logan helped him up slowly. He was limping, clutching his side as his eyes swam with tears.
"Just my ankle," Eduard muttered, "pushed me down the stairs."
"I've got you."
Eduard just nodded and limped onward, Logan acting as his crutch. He paused in front of Gunner's body.
"Ed?"
Eduard stamped his good foot onto Gunner's stomach, half-leaning on Logan. He landed kick after kick, over and over, until he collapsed forward, too quickly for Logan to even catch him. He crumpled like a puppet with cut strings, hitting his head on the wooden floor.
Logan pulled him up and onto his back. He was fragile, but at least he was too unconscious for it to hurt him. He could call an ambulance, but he didn't want to wait for one. He wanted Eduard - and frankly himself - out of this house as soon as possible. Gunner was on the ground. He wouldn't be getting up for a while.
He carried Eduard out of the house and bundled him into the car, tilting the seat back for him. It was a rental, of course - he'd had to scrap the old one after the accident. It was in pieces. The new one was pretty fancy. Much quieter, much faster, and the radio actually worked. He hated it.
As he strapped Eduard in, he grumbled something.
"You awake?"
No reply. Apparently not.
Logan started the car. He made his way toward the hospital and away from the house. Eduard came to at some point along the way.
"Logan?"
"You alright?"
"Where are we going?" The total lack of answer to Logan's question was probably justified.
"Hospital."
"We have to go back."
"No."
"He'll hurt you."
"He's not doing shit."
Eduard didn't say anything, but he definitely didn't believe him. The two of them just sat where they were and stared at the road. The silence was excruciating.
Hunapo was dead. Eduard could have been. Reilly was never going to walk again. Gunner had broken Eduard down into some shell of himself, over six whole years. In the light of day, he looked even worse. There was blood in his hair. Clumps of it had been torn straight out. His skin was all white and red and purple. The glass in his face still shone in the light. He should have done this a long time ago. Years ago. He should never have let Gunner near him in the first place.
The road began to blur.
It was his fault Eduard was… could he still…
Logan's pulled over as his face crumpled, and he rested his forehead on the steering wheel to sob. He should've acted sooner.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Eduard's voice was as wobbly as his. "It's okay, I know."
He rubbed Logan's back. He could feel his hand shaking.
"I should be getting you to the hospital."
"It's fine. Take your time."
He had a point. He'd been living with who knows how many injuries for a week now. Probably some of them for more, from before Huna died. A few minutes probably wouldn't do much.
Neither was sure how long they sat there. Eduard always cried so silently. You wouldn't even know he was crying if you looked away. Logan sobbed until his throat felt raw, halfway to screaming, but Eduard just stared at his knees, his shoulders trembling. He put his hand on Logan's shoulder and just barely squeezed it. He quieted a little. His cheek rested on the back of his hand.
Everything was crashing and burning. Hunapo was dead. Reilly would never walk again. Eduard was a shell. But he had his hand on Logan's shoulder and Logan had his cheek on his hand. When everything else was going to shit, they could still hold onto that. They had each other and he'd never let go of him again.
Logan reached over and took a bottle of water out of the glove box. He held it out to Eduard, but he shook his head.
"You sure?"
He nodded. Logan took a long drink himself. He half-emptied the bottle.
"Fuck."
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Just… everything. All of it. Fuck. "
Eduard nodded. "Yeah. Fuck."
"I should… get you to the hospital. Sorry about the… y'know, the delay. I just need a minute"
"I can handle it."
They sat in silence for a moment. Eduard's good hand touched Logan's face. He thought for a second that he was being affectionate. It took a moment for him to realise he had a scratch there. Gunner fought back hard.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, "He… that doesn't look good."
Logan shrugged. "I wasn't expecting him to go easy."
"No. He doesn't really do that."
Logan grimaced. "I missed you."
Eduard nodded. "Sorry."
"Not your fault."
"Except it is."
"It's not."
Eduard sighed. He didn't believe him, but neither of them had the energy to get into it right now. Logan started the car and got back to driving.
"How are the kids?"
Logan almost laughed. It was so normal of him to say. Like they'd bumped into each other on the street.
"As to be expected. Harry's piece of shit school wouldn't give her more than a day off for the funeral, so I've been calling in sick for her instead. I mean, fuck's sake, it's only Year 6 SATs. She just lost a parent." He immediately felt embarrassed, complaining about this to Eduard's face after all he'd been through. "Anyway. She's at Tino's."
"You and Tino talk?"
"Yeah. A lot, actually. He really cares about you. We all do."
"All?"
"Me, him, Lyubov, Hu-" He paused. "Huna."
"I'm sorry."
Logan shrugged. "We were all making this plan to get you out. More legally than how I did it. Kind of got… put on hold."
Eduard wasn't sure how to feel about that. Not good. "How're you holding up?"
"Could be better. You?"
"Well, as distractions go…"
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
They drove in silence for a while, both of them staring at the road. When Logan glanced over, Eduard had slipped out of consciousness again. His head lolled against the back of the chair. Logan had to check he was breathing at every red light. It was approaching rush hour. Maybe he could have timed this better. Still, not far now.
The moment he'd found a parking spot, Logan scooped Eduard up like a baby and bolted into A&E.
"Come on, mate, stay with me," he muttered, "Stay with me."
He was light, but he was fragile, and his height made him so cumbersome. He was getting used to carrying around Reilly (they were almost as spindly, but also not yet 4 feet tall, even less now that they'd lost half of their legs) but he hadn't held Eduard like this in a long time. But he'd always been able to carry him. That much he was sure of.
"Please," he sobbed at the desk, "my friend is hurt! He's not breathing too good and he's been beaten pretty bad."
The woman at the desk nodded. "Name?"
"Eduard Mets." Logan took a breath. "He might need a gurney. He's unconscious but he's a bit on and off."
"We'll get to that, don't worry. Date of birth?"
"24th of February. 1987." He rattled off more pointless information. Couldn't they see it was an emergency? He tried not to let his impatience show.
"Okay, well there's a forty-five minute waiting time-"
Logan glanced down at Eduard. Foam dribbled out the side of his mouth and his limbs twitched and spasmed in his arms. Probably not the most reassuring of developments.
"Can it not be that long?" he asked, voice unusually high, "I think he's in trouble."
The receptionist nodded, just as Eduard threw up on himself. He jerked his limbs, and it took all of Logan's strength to keep hold of him.
"Whe-" he tried to speak, but all that came out were unintelligible mumbles. His eyes rolled, and it looked like he was about to choke on his own tongue.
"Stay with me," Logan whispered, clutching him as a doctor lowered him onto a gurney. He followed him through a set of doors, the same ones they'd taken Reilly through last week. "Stay with me, mate, please. I can't lose you too."
He survived what turned out to be a brain haemorrhage, but that didn't mean a smooth road ahead for Eduard. Any of the fractures he'd lived with all week could still get infected; the fact that he had been strangled several times meant stroke, organ failure, blood clots and death were still very much on the table; and, after everything he'd been through, and everything he'd have to live with, there was a chance Eduard would just give up. He looked about ready to fall apart as it was.
Logan hunched over in an orange plastic chair, watching Eduard, as Harry, feet up on the seat next to her, played on his phone. A doctor was with him, checking up on him.
"What are his chances?"
"I'd say 50/50. Is he a fighter?"
"He's the bravest guy I know. And the strongest. But no, he's not a fighter."
Logan watched him sleep, and watched him stare into nothing. All he had to do was pull through, then he could rest for as long as he liked. There was nothing to fear anymore, and Logan would fight everyone in the universe before he let Gunner near him again. That said, in Ed's condition, Gunner might be the least of their issues.
Logan had never felt the urge to pray, despite everything that had happened. While he wasn't quite the firm atheist that Eduard was, he wasn't exactly religious either, and usually it was either too late, or he was busy trying to find the solution himself. But now, when he felt like a spider under a jar, waiting for the unknown to decide his fate, he'd take what he could get. He'd not even known he was doing it at first, but it took Harry by surprise.
Even more so when he broke down crying.
"Dad?"
He put his arms around her. She leaned up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She'd always considered him so sturdy. He cried, of course he did, when dogs died in films or way back when she was little and Reilly was born, but not often. He'd cried at the funeral and he'd cried since.
He hadn't stopped, really. It scared her.
"What do you mean you don't remember Uncle Eddie? You've known him since you were a baby."
Reilly shook their head. "Don't know him."
"Guess you were pretty small last time you saw him."
"I remember him," Harry added, scoring points as siblings did.
"Yeah, because we visited him yesterday. Anyway. Ed. He's my friend and he's in hospital too."
"Was he hit by a car too?" asked Reilly.
No, a police officer . Logan shook his head.
"But what happened to him?"
Logan hesitated. This was a hard thing to say to kids, and he didn't want to freak them out. "It's a secret."
"Why?"
"Because it's some secret grown up thing I'll explain when you're older."
The kids started to protest that, and Logan tried to tune them out. "Alright. I need the toilet, I won't be long. You two behave. Harry, you're in charge."
Harry flashed Reilly a smug grin. "We'll be good."
"Good." Logan stood up and left the kids to it. The moment he was out of earshot, Harry leaned in close to Reilly.
"A secret! Do you know what that means?"
Reilly's eyes lit up. "What?"
"It means he's been doing secret stuff! He's a spy!"
"A spy? " It sounded cool, but Reilly wasn't stupid. They knew a thing or two from the month they'd spend refusing to watch anything but Spy Kids , and they were pretty sure they were all American.
"Yeah! Definitely! They're a thing in real life, Cassandra at school said so, even here. And when we were visiting him, Dad was talking about how he was all strong and brave and cool. Like a spy!"
Reilly gasped. "He's a spy! It makes sense!"
"Yeah, obviously it does, 'cause it's true !" Harry smiled in her smug older sibling way.
For the first time since the accident, Reilly looked excited, looked like the happy, curious six-year-old they were supposed to be. Even the beeping hospital equipment and wires and tubes and horrific injuries were at the back of their mind, for once. Their dad knew a real life spy!
"How'd he go in the hospital, then?"
"Doing spy things. He probably got beat up by bad guys or something. He had all these scars on his face, I bet they did that."
Reilly nodded with eyes full of wonder and a wide mouth. "There must have been so many! Or, like, the biggest, scariest bad guy ever!"
"He probably fought really bravely and won in the end but he got beaten up bad, like in all those films," said Harry.
Reilly looked at her in amazement. "He's the coolest man on earth!"
Lyubov was already crying before she came in, with two thermos flasks and something wrapped in an old tote bag under one arm. She put them down carefully on his bedside table.
"Eduard!"
"Lyubov."
She wiped her eyes and settled in the orange plastic chair by his bed. "Are you okay?"
"Oh yeah. Totally."
She sighed. "Ed…"
"Sorry."
"No, it was a dumb question."
"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, Shevchenko."
"How can I not?"
"I can handle myself."
"But you don't have to. I'm here."
"I know. And… thank you." He glanced at the flasks, searching for a way out of the conversation. "What's with the stuff?"
"Soup and bread. Thought you might want to escape the horror that is hospital food."
"What kind?"
"Borscht. Dad's recipe. The bread is too. Dad's, I mean. There's no beetroot in the bread."
"Thanks. He does make good soup and bread."
"There's a lot there, it should last you a while. Can you get a doctor or something to warm it up?"
He hesitated.
"Do you want me to get them to?" She was all too familiar to Eduard's aversion to asking for things. She was no better, after all, not unless someone else asked her to do it.
"Please."
"Will do."
Tino, thankfully, didn't bring any of his cooking.
He sat down on the chair at his bed and handed him a card. He'd scribbled over the "birthday" on the most whimsical "happy birthday" card he could find and written "brain haemorrhage" above it in black Sharpie. Tasteful.
"Hey, scarface. Lyubov been in?"
"Yeah. And Logan's parents. They're in town for a while with the girls. Taking care of Logan through all the Huna stuff, you know?"
"Hence the feast." He noticed most of it hadn't been touched. He would've said something, but he knew Eduard too well. He needed a break from the worrying.
"How's work?"
"Fine. The captain needs a little convincing on the Gunner case. I've got more eyewitnesses than I can count, but you know how cops are. If it's not weed, it's not worth throwing away an officer for."
"I feel so safe and protected by our law enforcement."
"Yep. To serve and protect. He could get away with murder. Then again, so could I." He grinned at him. "Now that's an idea."
Eduard tried to laugh. He managed a smile, barely.
Logan was the biggest regular, naturally, usually with Harry in tow.
Her card was a collaborative effort between herself and Reilly, which meant that half of it was elaborately drawn flowers and the other was an unintelligible mess of macaroni and glitter glue. It took pride of place nearest his bed.
The first chance she got away from Logan, Harry leaned in conspiringly, holding her chin between her hands.
"Me and Reilly figured it out."
"Figured what out?" He couldn't help the sudden wave of fear, even if he couldn't for the life of him tell what exactly they had figured out.
"The spy thing! We know you're in the MI5!"
He blinked. "The spy thing?"
"It's okay. We're not gonna blow your cover. Dad said what happened is a secret, so we'll keep it zipped."
He looked at her oddly, then decided he may as well indulge her. "Right. That spy thing. You got me."
"I knew it! What happened?"
"I, um… classified."
"I won't tell!"
"Sorry. Classified information."
"Give me a clue!"
He bit his lip, trying to make something up. He'd never been much of a storyteller. "There were ninjas."
"Really?"
"Mhmm. Bad ninjas. Mafia ninjas."
"Is that why you're in hospital?"
"Yeah, the leader one beat me up."
"What was his name?"
He said the first name to come into his head. "Steve Buscemi."
"Really?"
"Yep. But we took him down. It's all good."
"You did?"
"With ease."
When Logan came in, Harry shot back up, acting conspicuously innocent.
"What're you two whispering about?"
"Harry here managed to figure out I'm a spy. I told her about the ninjas. And Steve Buscemi."
Logan bit back a laugh. "Wow. You figured it out all on your own?"
She beamed with pride. "I did."
"Very smart."
"Thank you."
"I ran into Eliisabet last week," Layla mumbled to Logan as they both watched Eduard sleep. "Gotta say, she's not aging well. Anyway, I told her about Eddie. Well, I told her he's in hospital, if she wanted to see him."
"She hasn't," Logan replied, "or at least, not while I've been here."
"She hasn't," muttered Eduard, blinking his eyes open slowly. Layla winced.
"I'm sorry, Eddie. I thought she should know, and show up."
"Doesn't matter." Seeing his parents again was the last thing he needed. "They'd just twist it around anyway. It's my own fault, they were right, men don't get abused, et cetera ."
Layla nodded. "Sometimes I just don't want to believe they're like that, but…"
"You know what they're like."
"I'm sorry, Eddie. I just wanted to think they've changed. That there's some parental instincts, deep down."
"They don't have any. Doesn't matter."
"It does. You deserve better."
Eduard touched Layla's hand. "I have you."
She teared up at that. "You're such a brave boy. Why is it that the whole world seems to be out to get you?"
"Some people aren't built to be happy."
"Nobody's meant to be unhappy, dear."
"Explain me then."
"You got unlucky."
Eduard forced what was barely a smile and shook his head. "If you say so."
"You're going to be happy from now on," Layla continued, "you're safe and free and we'll all be here for you, help you get better."
"I'm fine," said Eduard, "there's nothing- I don't think I'm gonna get better." She was trying, but the promises sounded empty to Eduard's ears. Like she was talking to someone else.
At least by now she knew not to touch him without warning. He appreciated that, he really did. Even if he didn't necessarily deserve it. She held out her arms and, after a moment's thought, he gave her a tentative cuddle. "Yes you are, son," she mumbled into his hair. "It might take some time, but you're free from him and can recover now."
"Recover?" he looked at her strangely.
"Yes, recover. Get back on your feet. Maybe, one day, find someone who treats you the way you should be treated."
"With contempt." He tried to laugh. Tried.
"With love and care and understanding ." Layla stroked his hand, "like I promised I would give you. And I know I haven't been there for you, lately, but I never stopped loving you like you were my own son."
"It's not your fault I never visited. You've got actual kids to take care of."
"I think you might be a little more in need."
"Really? How old is Manya now? Six?"
"Ten."
"That long, huh?"
Layla nodded grimly. "Yes, too long. You had to put up with- with that horrible man." She looked on the verge of bursting into tears, again. Eduard didn't know why she was so upset. He loved her more than he'd ever loved his own mum, but she had her own children. Her real children, who were worth crying about. "I'm so, so sorry. I should've done something. Marched in there and let him know he doesn't treat my little boy like that."
"Fighting Gunner isn't like fighting Eliisabet. He'd have hurt you. Badly. I couldn't forgive myself if that had happened to you, mum."
"Maybe so." She smiled at Logan. "I suppose we're all lucky he's so fucking reckless, huh?"
"I suppose so. I mean, he saved me." He touched Logan's hand. "Thanks. I… thank you. Sorry you had to deal with him."
"Mate, I've wanted to deal with him for ages now. Since I met him."
"That long?"
"He was a cunt then and he's a cunt now," Logan realised what he said and winced, turning to Layla, "sorry mum."
"No, no, he is."
Even Eduard nodded at that.
"And you'll never have to deal with him again," Logan assured him, taking Eduard's hand gently. "I promise."
Eduard bit his lip. Gunner would come back for him. He'd hurt him and hurt Logan. Maybe even Mr and Mrs Cooper. Maybe even the kids. He'd come right to the hospital and drag him back home and kill him. Any safety was temporary. He'd hurt everyone around him if he pretended otherwise.
As Lyubov walked into the office, she could really see Eduard working there. Lines upon lines of software developers tapped away at desktops on IKEA desks, chewing on pencils or drinking paper cups of coffee, not saying a lot to each other. A couple looked up at her. She had to remind herself that they were software developers, and thus not very accustomed to women. And the only ones with massive honkers like hers they'd probably seen were from hentai.
"Uh, excuse me?" Maybe she should have had taken Tino's offer to do it for her. He could get people to listen to him easily. Plus he was like a software developer-whisperer. He spoke fluent Reddit. "Excuse me?"
A couple people looked.
"Does anyone know Eduard? Eduard Mets, blond, skinny, glasses?"
A guy with a weak attempt at a beard, a shirt that said "declare variables, not war" and a questionably-aged anime girl for a desktop background narrowed his eyes. "Name rings a bell. He barely comes in, though. Works from home."
"Fucker's invisible. Like that bitch from The Incredibles," added the guy to Mr Shittybeard's left. "I mean, sure, yeah, he codes well but nobody knows him."
"Yeah, even his commenting's shit."
"No idea what he's doing," he agreed, "Bit of a mess."
"I mean, respect to the guy, he's a good programmer, but if he was any more standoffish-"
"He's in hospital!" Lyubov snapped.
Shittybeard and his friend blinked.
She counted off on her fingers. "Brain haemorrhage. Broken arm, ribs, jaw, ankle, and wrist. Missing teeth. Blood loss. Scarring. Very nearly got a neck hematoma. Still not off the table, actually." She willed herself not to tear up. Why couldn't she just argue without her eyes betraying her? "His boyfriend beat him half to death. Been doing so for years; not that anyone bothered to check up on him." She slammed a card on his desk and forced herself to take a breath. "Will you please sign this for him?"
Shittybeard blinked at her, then tentatively signed the card. "Sorry."
His friend nodded, not meeting her eye, and took it off him to sign his own name. "Yeah, sorry. You think he'll be alright?"
"I don't know," she admitted, "Nobody does."
By the time she left, the signatures wouldn't fit on the inside of the card, leaking out onto the back. She wasn't sure she'd done the right thing in telling them. Maybe she should have kept her mouth shut.
When Eduard was finally deemed well enough to leave, Logan was there to pick him up from the hospital. Eduard told him a hotel room would do, but he was having none of that. Eduard was living with Logan again and there was nothing he could do about it.
Eduard couldn't help feeling relieved at that, on top of overwhelming guilt. He didn't want to be alone, but he didn't want to take up space, not when Logan had his own problems.
Logan had put a camping mattress in Reilly's room for the time being, just until they got discharged and Logan's parents left the living room futon to go home. It was a space he could hide from the noise and movement and recover. It was a little corner where he could find peace, even if everything in Reilly's room was horrifying.
It was bright orange, for starters, and if he bothered to open the curtains, the colour would probably give him a headache. In a corner, a doll was wearing a Furby's skin, stood underneath a Shrek poster that stared at him no matter where he stood. Reilly really seemed to like Shrek, actually, judging by the many Shrek toys they had. As well as an extensive collection of toy lobsters and crabs, bees, and minions, worst of all. There was even a box of bee corpses under their bed, staring blankly at him as he lay on the mattress trying to sleep. Eduard decided he'd made the right call when he'd taken a step back from being in their life.
Eduard had to smile at the tanks of bugs and lizards, though, just like Logan used to keep, and the lights above the lizards were warm enough to emulate human warmth, without the added stress of physical contact.
He never thought he'd see the day where he'd stop craving human touch.
Except he still did, just not as much as he feared it.
He was a mess and he didn't know why Logan was bothering. He couldn't even eat half the time. He barely talked. He shut himself away and waited for himself to do everyone a favour and rot away.
Gunner would come get him, sooner rather than later, even if he could try to get better. He was in danger. And by helping him, Logan was putting himself in danger too. God knows what he'd do to him. Sure, Logan was stronger, but Gunner was still capable of doing a lot of damage. And what if he really wanted to hit him where it hurt? What if he pulled the kids into it? That would be his fault. Another in a long list of fuck-ups. He didn't deserve Logan, much less his help.
He looked at Reilly's empty bed. The kid deserved better.
Quietly as he could, he pulled himself up and wrapped Logan's hoodie around him. It was big and grey and came halfway to his knees despite their near-identical heights. He'd lent it to him, just until he went over to Gunner's to pick up the rest of Ed's stuff. It smelt just like Logan: his aftershave, and that fruity shower gel Layla used to buy them. If he was going to die wearing anything, he was glad it was that.
He pulled the hood over his head and opened the door as quietly as he could - he was more than used to sneaking around now. The hallway was lit only by a lamp in the corner, throwing all the mess into long shadows.
He stepped out of the room, eyes on the door, when he heard a sob coming from the master bedroom.
Logan was awake.
He knew he should just go, ignore it and get out and face his fate, but he couldn't leave his best friend. He tiptoed to the door and cracked it open. He was facing away from him, curled up in a ball. He didn't see him until he knocked.
"Ed! Shit, sorry. You alright?"
"I'm fine," he lied, "Do you want me to go?"
"Do you want to?"
He shrugged. He didn't know what he wanted anymore.
"...Alright, fine, please don't go."
Eduard slipped onto his bed, letting Logan hold him close. He told himself it was fine. Logan wasn't going to hurt him. There was no need to be afraid. He almost felt safe, for the first time in a long while, before remembering this would probably be the last time he'd see Logan.
He whispered into his hair. "I miss them, Ed."
"I know."
"I loved them."
"I know."
He couldn't have been more useless at this if he tried. What was he supposed to say? Hunapo was dead. There was no bringing them back. He let Logan cry on his shoulder and kept his mouth shut. He was trembling, every sob shaking his body. He looked smaller than he'd ever been.
"I love you," he whispered, "Sometimes I feel like you're the one thing keeping me upright."
"I'm a mess," he pointed out.
"Maybe. Maybe we both are. But I like having you here. You're my best friend." He stroked his hair. "It's good to have you back. I'm so, so sorry I didn't do this sooner."
"It's fine."
"I wanted to charge in there and kill him. But I figured I should be smart for once in my life, y'know?" He chuckled bitterly. "That sure worked out wonderfully."
"Logan?"
"Hm?"
"I know I'm not exactly the most helpful person you know. And I know you've probably heard this far too many times. I know I have. But if you need me I'm here." Guess he wasn't leaving just yet. He could stick around, until Logan was feeling better. Gunner was probably biding his time anyway, waiting for an opportunity.
And yet, in Logan's arms, he almost felt safe. It was like they were 12 again, and Eduard was staying in Logan's bed, using the fact that it was a single bed and they were growing boys as an excuse to cuddle up to Logan. Purely platonic, of course. Friends huddled up together. If one of them fell off, they both did.
This was just the same. No romantic intent. Best friends, holding on tight, because nothing else made sense. Logan's tears soaked through the hoodie, freezing Eduard's shoulder, but he didn't mind. Maybe they needed to help each other.
Maybe he should stay around. Just for a while. Just for Logan's sake, until he didn't need him.
Because who would need Eduard for that long?
"Hey, Eddie, I got a surprise for you!" Logan tried to make his whisper sound as excited as possible, knocking on the door gently. He put the box he had under his arm on the ground next to the bed. "Since Gunner's in custody, I went and picked up your stuff for you."
Eduard nodded. "Want me to start looking for my own place?" It was about time, too. He'd only been there a few days, but he couldn't help feeling like a horrendous burden.
Logan blinked. "Not what I was getting at. I- look, now you don't need to go back there. We can start working towards getting you your own space. Maybe here, since we're looking to move Reilly downstairs. Maybe I should look for a place with a downstairs bathroom too, if you'd be okay with another move."
"Why would you want me to come with you?"
Logan knelt down in front of him and stroked the back of his hand with a finger. "Eddie, of course I do. You're my best mate. You're my family."
"You'd have enough to worry about, moving with two kids."
"It wouldn't be for a while anyway." And it would probably be somewhere smaller, too. A lot smaller, now it was just Logan working.
"If you need money-"
"You keep your money, it's yours."
"But- I could-"
"No, no, it's yours."
He opened his mouth to argue, but he didn't want to be annoying. Eduard's money was not for him; that's how it went. And what would he have to spend it on anyway? He wasn't planning on staying alive much longer, just until Logan could manage without him. Logan needed it, to find a new place accessible to Reilly, and if Eduard was coming too, surely he should contribute.
Unless he was lying, which of course he was. Eduard wasn't a part of the family, certainly not in the long term.
He began rifling through the box.
"That toaster isn't mine," he mumbled, "it's Gunner's. He'll get mad if we steal it."
"Who paid for it?" asked Logan, "like, whose card?"
"Mine, but-"
"Then it's yours. I got the feeling everything in that house is, legally, so took anything reasonably nice. No use him destroying it all in a temper tantrum, if anyone bothers to pay his bail."
Eduard hesitated. "The left slot doesn't work. I'm just… forewarning you." It hadn't since Gunner had tried to bash him over the head with it. Logan didn't need to know that. "But it's a good toaster. Very sturdy."
It was nice to have his desktop back too, and the gaming PC Gunner had insisted on Eduard buying for him, but never let him use. It was better than Eduard's, so on Logan's suggestion, he transferred all his files onto it and started using it for himself. He decided it was his own little act of defiance. Like a battle trophy. Logan asked if he wanted to sell his old one, but he gave it to Harry. He didn't quite want to let go of it yet. Anyway, he owed the Coopers a lot.
Even with his possessions dotted about the house, Eduard still felt like he didn't belong. Like he was a guest, and an overstaying one at that.
Even though he was the one under interrogation, Gunner still looked in control.
Even though one eye was puffy, his nose broken and he was missing a tooth, he looked at Tino like he could eat him alive if he so desired.
Tino knew this would be tricky; Gunner was a police officer, and knew what was coming. He knew how this would work and just what Tino might try, to get him to confess. He didn't know if 24 hours would be enough to break him.
The interview hadn't started yet, though Tino made sure Gunner was already being recorded as they waited for the second officer to come back from their toilet break.
"You think you're gonna get a confession outta me, huh?" Gunner smiled brightly, like this was all a holiday to him.
"I hope so," said Tino flatly.
"Well you're right."
"I'm sorry?"
"I did it," He shrugged. "Whatever charges you have? I did it." He stood up and shoved his face right up against the recording device. "I fucking did it! I controlled every little aspect of his life, I cut him off from his friends and family, and when he stepped outta line, I beat him. Sometimes with my fists, sometimes with my belt, or whatever was nearest. And just to make sure he knew who was boss, when I'd beat him into submission, I'd also fuck-"
"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it !" cried Tino.
"What's wrong?" he grinned, "you don't wanna hear about it? He liked it more than he let on."
"No he didn't!"
"You're right. He didn't. He cried. The first few times he begged me to stop, but after a while, he gave up fighting back. Just lay there. Accepted it. Shame. I liked grabbing him by the hair and smashing his face into the floor. Made me feel powerful."
"Why are you telling me this?" Tino whimpered.
Gunner leaned back in his chair. "It's nice to talk, friend. I haven't been able to tell anyone this. And it doesn't matter if you know. Doesn't matter if the whole station knows. There's nothing you can do."
"I'm going to make sure you get the maximum sentence," he spat.
"Somehow, I don't think that's gonna happen. I'm a good officer. I'm a good guy. They love me around here. And someone higher up, I don't know who, they'll make you drop your case. Bound to. Evidence will mysteriously disappear. They'll return Eddie to me on a plate and apologise for the inconvenience." He gave him an innocent smile. "That's justice, Tino."
"Then I'll blow the whistle," he said, "I'll expose you and this entire case and anyone who tries to stick up for you."
"Go ahead. They'll tell you you're too close to this. You're his family , you're getting protective . He's clouding your judgement . Eddie isn't even the one pressing charges: it's Cooper."
"He'll testify against you. Just like I will."
"It'll never come to that. See, here's how it'll play out. I'm released, given a full apology, and I finally get to press charges of my own, against Cooper. Assault isn't legal, Tino, in case you've forgotten. Neither is breaking and entering. Then we all go over there, Cooper is inevitably killed for "resisting arrest", and Eddie is mine forever." His smile fell. "And when I get him back, I'm gonna break every bone in his body. He'll be begging for death after that, but it'll never come. Don't cross me, Tino. It won't go well for you or him."
Tino glared at him poisonously. Is it police brutality if the other guy's also police? Because he wanted to smack Gunner in the jaw.
"Tell me I won't get away with this, so I can reply with "Oh? But I already have." Go on. I've always wanted to say that."
Tino hoped he looked calm, and not like he was about to cry. He rang the doorbell and took a moment to compose himself. Deep breath. Everything would be okay.
Harry opened up the door. "Tino. You alright?"
He nodded. "Is Eduard in?"
"Guess."
"You're right. Dumb question. Can I see him? Him and your dad?"
She nodded and held the door open for him. "He's a bit fragile, but he'll be happy to see you, probably."
He wouldn't, Tino thought, not once he told him the news, but he followed her into the house. Logan was on the couch, watching the ads on the television with the fiery concentration of someone unable to process a word of whatever was being said.
"Logan. How're you holding up?"
He didn't look away from the screen. "Yep."
"Thought so." He sat next to him on the sofa. "I need to talk to you and Eddie. It's about Gunner."
And with that, he had Logan's attention. "What the fuck's he done now?"
He glanced at Harry. "Where's Ed?"
"Upstairs." He got up. "C'mon."
Logan led Tino up the stairs. He'd had photos upon photos hung up on the stairway, school photos, holiday photos, family Christmas cards. Half of them were gone, the older ones only commemorated with ghosts of frames and holes left by the nails that used to hold them up there. Not one picture of Hunapo remained.
Logan knocked gently on Eduard's door - Reilly's, technically.
"Eddie? It's Logan. Tino's here too. Can we come in?"
"Yeah." His voice was barely audible, but Logan seemed to hear it. He cracked the door open and the two of them stepped inside.
Eduard was curled up on the floor mattress, hugging his knees and staring at them with wide eyes. He looked like a caged animal.
"Can I sit?"
Eduard nodded. Reilly's bed creaked under his weight. Logan sat on the floor.
"How you been?" asked Tino. Eduard shrugged.
"Right." He waited to see if he said anything else. Eduard just glared at nothing. "Eddie, I need to ask a favour of you."
Eduard looked at him.
"I need you to come in to the station and make a statement. I'm trying to build a case against Gunner and I need your help. And photos of your injuries, for evidence. You… if it goes to court, we'll need you to give evidence there, too."
"What? No. I can't face him," he whimpered, "you know that. Please."
"We're not gonna have a strong enough case unless you do," sighed Tino, "you're the one he hurt, not Logan. We need you to stand up to him, or there won't be enough evidence to do anything about him."
"So that's it," he shrugged, "he walks."
"No? We have to bring him down, or Gunner's free to try and get to you, or move on to another victim."
Eduard squirmed; he didn't want someone else to go through that.
"And if he's found innocent, he's coming after Logan. Gonna accuse him of all sorts of things," he glanced over at Logan, "some you've actually done. And others… well, for some reason , the police will be more inclined to believe Gunner."
"And?" Eduard swallowed, "what happens to the kids? To me?"
"Harry and Reilly have their grandparents, and you have your parents," Logan assured him. "He can't put the entire Cooper family in prison. Can he?"
"I'd like to see him try," said Tino.
"But he'll come after me, right?" Eduard picked at the skin on his hand, "take me back." Beat him. Kill him, probably. If he was lucky. And maybe hurt Mr and Mrs Cooper, and their daughters and grandkids, to do so. Sheltering Eduard was dangerous, and not worth it whoever you were, but especially with children.
"Ed, I'm not going to lie to you. He might, if he's feeling brave," said Tino; "he always was an arrogant cock. But, well, he's clever, too. Calculating. He'll try, if given the opportunity."
Eduard nodded. First thing someone had said he really agreed with.
"But you could ruin him. Take him down. It's within your power, you just need to… push through it, I guess. But Logan and I aren't going anywhere. We're with you. It's going to be okay."
"Seriously, we're not gonna leave your side," Logan gently took his hand, "if… if you go to the station - when you're ready - we'll both come with you."
Eduard looked between Logan and Tino, then sighed. "I don't want him to get away with it," he mumbled.
"So you'll come?" asked Tino. Eduard nodded, already shaking.
"I'll get you some ice cream when you're done," Logan told him.
"I'm not the kids. Ice cream isn't going to help."
"I'll buy you a…" Ed didn't drink alcohol or coffee. Or really eat. "I'll give you a hug. If you want one. And you won't have to do anything big for a while. I'll do the washing up or something. Sort out your laundry. Am I hitting on anything here?"
"I already said I'd do it, okay?"
"I'm not bribing you! I just want to help. And I want you to know we're with you."
Eduard nodded. "Well. Thanks, I guess."
Logan reached over and squeezed his hand. "Hey, I'm a witness too, right? I saw him try and attack you. I'll be giving out evidence right next to you."
Another nod. "Okay… okay, together- we- want to go now?"
"Sure thing."
Eduard staying in Logan's bed became a nightly routine, that in turn became a more permanent sleeping arrangement when Reilly came out of hospital. Little by little, Hunapo's belongings disappeared into the attic. Eduard's clothes stayed in his suitcase. Neither was quite ready to put them in what used to be Hunapo's side of the wardrobe. As insistent as Logan was on vanishing all evidence of them having existed in their house, he couldn't quite bring himself to fill up the blank spaces they had left.
Except in his bed, apparently. Not that anyone considered Eduard any sort of replacement - they'd shared beds so many times before, after all. And it was only convenient. It was here or the living room, and they needed that room for other things.
But really, who were they kidding? When either couldn't sleep, or woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare, the other was there, whether awake or not, to keep them grounded. Even if Eduard couldn't lie with his back to him, even if Logan couldn't touch him too suddenly, he was a comfort to wake up to.
All throughout uni, coffee had kept Eduard functional, and Logan still made him cups, left them on the bedside table. Eduard didn't touch them, though. He didn't like the heat, and - from what he said - Logan could guess why. He'd seen the pink blotches on his cheeks.
Gunner seemed to have ruined every aspect of his life. Eduard wasn't allowed anything anymore.
Reilly couldn't feel their legs. They supposed that made sense, since they weren't there. But it was weird. Legs weren't really something you felt , not really, but once they were gone, you felt them not being there.
Except sometimes they did feel them. Sometimes they would go to pick a scab on their knee, and their hand would slip through nothing. Some nights in the hospital they would go to sleep and they'd be there , except they'd be crushed. Not between the cars, like in real life, but in monsters' jaws or by giant clanking machinery.
Reilly would feel their legs sometimes. They'd wake up in their bed with the gross soap smell and the boring sheets with them still hurting. They weren't scared, obviously. That was silly. Reilly didn't get scared, not really. Other kids at school got scared of spiders and dogs and dark rooms, but not them. Reilly didn't get scared. But they woke up crying, with their breathing not really working and their leg still hurting, and they didn't like that. They couldn't even sit up properly. They screamed for their parents, but one of them wasn't in the hospital and one of them wasn't anywhere anymore.
There'd been a nice nurse there, at least. Dr Adnan kind of reminded them of their dad. He had the same big smile, and every time the bad dreams happened, he'd be there with water for them. He'd talk to them until they felt better. When they went home, Harry helped make him a card, like the one they'd made for Eduard.
Being in their own bed helped a little. For a few days, they thought maybe the dreams had stopped. It would make sense, wouldn't it? The doctors made them better, so their legs were gone properly now. Getting to sleep was hard, but at least there were no more nightmares. Up until the night they came back.
They woke up crying. Their sheets were damp with sweat and their hands wouldn't stop shaking. A month ago, they could have gone down the hallway and climbed into their parents bed. Now they had to stay in bed; they had no choice. They could yell, but Dad always was a heavy sleeper.
Still, of course, that didn't stop them. They propped themself up on their arms and shouted for their parents - for both of them, even if they knew full well the monsters had swallowed one of them and they weren't coming back.
Finally, someone tiptoed into their room and knelt at their side. Light footsteps. Skinnier than Logan and taller than Hunapo. Eduard.
He sat on the floor by the bed and switched on the nightlight.
"Hey. Are you okay?" His voice was always soft, almost too quiet to hear. Harry said that he had to be quiet, for sneaking around the evil ninjas. The theory checked out.
Reilly nodded. "Mhmm. I'm fine." Eduard had beat thirty bad guys bare-handed. He wouldn't get it. They felt embarrassed, crying about their dumb legs and nightmare.
"Bad dream?"
Reilly hesitated, then nodded.
"Do you… do you want to talk about it? You don't have to. But you can."
"I… there were monsters. Eating my leg. Like the car crash thingy, but… but, like, they were monsters."
"Do the dreams happen a lot?" He was smiling, but not in a happy way.
Reilly nodded. "All the time in hospital. Now a bit less, but…" They gestured vaguely.
"But they still happen."
"Yeah."
He helped Reilly sit up and passed them the glass of water on their bedside table that Logan filled up for them every night. They drank the whole thing.
"They started when the crash happened?"
They nodded.
"Not fun, is it?"
They put the glass on the bedside table. "It's scary."
"I know."
They sat in the silence of the room for a moment.
"Ed?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever get scared?"
Eduard nodded. "Oh yeah. All the time."
"But you're a spy!"
He laughed. "I know. It's a scary job."
"Not for you. You can do everything. Daddy said you're all brave and stuff."
"He said that?"
"All the time. He's always like "Ed's so cool and brave and I'm so proud of him" and whatever."
"Really?"
"Yeah, Harry said he said so when you were in the hospital. And then on the phone he's like "Ed's taking things one day at a time but he's getting stronger". So if you were already really strong and now you're even stronger then why are you so scared?"
Eduard nibbled his lip. "He says the same stuff about you, you know."
"Yeah, but I never fighted ninjas."
Eduard nodded. "Maybe. But you've still done some very scary things."
"I'm not scared ."
"Yes you are. And that's okay."
"...Okay, sometimes. But I'm not scared now . It's just when I have bad dreams."
Eduard stroked their hair. His hands were colder and bonier than their dad's, but it was a comfort in the same way.
"You know, Reilly, when scary things happen, sometimes they can carry on happening, in your head."
"What d'you mean?"
"Well, bad dreams like yours happen to a lot of people. Sometimes if you get in a car accident, or you're in a war, or… or someone hurts you a lot, sometimes your head keeps playing it back, over and over again. In dreams, or even in the day time. And it can make you scared, or sad, or angry."
"Is that why you get scared?"
"Yeah. And sad. And angry."
"At the ninjas?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes at myself."
"Why at yourself? You're cool!"
"I don't know. It doesn't matter. My point is, things don't always stop being scary after they finish happening. But you have Daddy and Harry and… and me."
"Does it ever stop being scary?"
"I think, after a while, it does. And until it does, we'll help it be less scary. Do you want me to get your dad?"
"Can I sleep in his bed?"
"Why don't we ask him?"
Eduard scooped Reilly up, trying his best to carry them down the hall to Logan's room.
"Eddie?"
"Yes?"
"Do you think I could be a spy?"
"Oh, yeah. Definitely. The spy agency would be lucky to have you."
"Even though I don't have legs?"
"Of course! You'd be the best spy."