What was she supposed to say to him? Beth froze in place, her keys still in hand as the sun beat down on her shoulders. If recognizing his voice had been difficult, it was nothing at all compared to the confusion she felt when they finally locked eyes. The Rick Grimes that Beth knew was always clean-shaven, his blue eyes bright, hair kept short, above the collar, what deputies were required to keep - a fact Shane had told her. She was positive she'd never seen him without a smile. After being away at college for a few years Beth had grown somewhat accustomed to coming home in the summers and seeing how everyone had changed, but even that didn't quite explain the man in front of her.

Rick's beard was graying, his hair was long enough to see the beginnings of curls she'd never even know he even had, and the smile looked like it was taking more effort to hold than the cardboard boxes that were tucked under his arm. What could age a person so quickly? Beth regretted the thought because the answer stole the air from her lungs - Shane.

"Hey," she finally managed to get out.

"Hey," he nodded. "I was just walking by, seen you get out of your daddy's truck. Thought I'd…"

Beth just nodded, both of them standing there awkwardly. There was no reason she shouldn't be cordial to him, Rick had done nothing to her or her to him, he'd always greeted her and her family with a smile, yet it still felt off.

"I'm sorry about your dad, by the way," he went on. "I know me and Lori haven't reached out or anything but-"

"It's fine," Beth assured him. "I understand."

The silence after her statement was awkward and Beth wondered if she'd too much. Was she supposed to know about his and Lori's struggles? Did he know Shane would've told her? The town was small and it talked but Beth had never been good at gossip and being able to remember what was an open secret and okay to acknowledge in public, versus what was a well-kept secret and only to be whispered about behind closed doors.

"Well, he was a good man. I'm sorry, he is. I-"

"It's fine. I know what you meant. And thank you."

When he failed to either speak or move Beth realized she wouldn't get off the hook so easily.

"Still packing up, I see," she said, motioning towards the boxes with her head.

"Yeah. This is the last of it, actually. Had to wrangle up a few more for the things we needed to keep out but we'll be heading out tomorrow as soon as the sun's up."

She couldn't reason why but her stomach turned. Rick had always been important to their close-knit community and he'd' be missed but Beth knew it was more than that. It was Shane...and the baby he so sorely wanted. When the sun rose on the next day, Lori Grimes would be leaving the state, taking any chance Shane had of meeting his daughter with her. Beth's father had raised her to be polite but her loyalties were torn - did she wish Rick well? Did she tell him good luck?

"Well, drive safe," she settled for instead, just wishing the conversation would end.

And for one beautiful moment, she thought it would. Rick shuffled his boots - what was it with men and their boots? But instead of stepping away he only stepped closer, his voice dropping, growing more serious.

"Shane's still at your place?" he asked.

Lying crossed her mind. But it would've been pointless. Of course, Rick knew.

"Yeah."

When he took yet another step closer, Beth felt her defenses go up, preparing herself for his next words.

"Beth, just...just be careful, okay?"

"Why?" she asked, knowing damn well what he meant. But how far would he go?

Rick glanced down for a moment, repositioning the boxes awkwardly. Beth knew he was thinking of how to phrase it. Hershel had always referred to him as a thoughtful man and Beth knew whatever came out of his mouth, he'd mean every word of it.

"Look, I know right now he seems like the best friend you could ever have. More, actually."

When he looked off towards the side just to huff at the idea, Beth realized how very well informed Rick had become. She felt her cheeks flush at the realization, made even worse when he softened his voice and continued on, like he needed to soften the blow because he knew Shane wasn't just in her house, but her bed too.

"I know you feel like no one would ever have your back like he does, right? You'd trust him with your most intimate moments, with your life...or in my case, your wife."

It was at that moment she started to hate Rick. What he was saying would've made her squirm no matter the situation, but it was made worse because he clearly knew what Shane had become to her. But her discomfort seemed to matter little to the man in front of her, whoever this man was, it wasn't the Rick she knew. And knowing Shane had attributed to it, that there was even an ounce of truth to Rick's words just made her hate him more.

"I knew that man my whole life. For decades, since we were kids. He was every bit my brother, thicker than blood. And hell, maybe he doesn't even mean to do what he does but Shane just ruins things."

"No-", she tried to interrupt but it was pointless. Did Rick notice the keys in her hand had started to jingle, did he realize her hands were shaking?

"Beth, I'm just tryin' to look out for you. I know your sister's gone and your dad, well-"

"No."

She said it louder than she meant, dropping her voice afterward in case of any curious ears walking by.

"No Rick, you don't get to pretend this is some noble crusade and you're looking out for me when my dad can't."

"That's not what I'm doing."

"Then what are you doing?"

"I've just..I've been where you are. A year ago I would've stood here and defended him just the same. I'm just trying to warn you-"

"I don't want it," Beth told him, her anger rising. "I don't want your warnings and I don't need them. Shane isn't-"

"But he is."

Her heart was pounding in her chest but she barely noticed. All she could focus on was the hatred in Rick's steely blue eyes, his jaws clenched- a broken man that had once been beautiful.

They both stood frozen, neither of them daring to speak, a stalemate if there ever was one. Just as Beth started to believe he'd talked himself out, he spoke again, his words trying to cut deep but Beth refused to bleed.

"He'll hurt you. It's what he's good at."

"So that's it, huh?" she asked. "This is how it's gonna be? You smear his name to anyone he speaks to because you're hurting, yet all the while you get to ride off into the sunset as the good guy, right?"

"I didn't do this."

"No," Beth agreed, shaking her head. "You didn't. But don't act like your hands are clean."

When he just stared at her, Beth went on, suddenly hating herself too. She had no right to say it, but it needed to be said, and he wasn't the only one that could cross lines.

"That's not your baby, Rick."

She was watching him the moment he froze, when his temples throbbed and he opened his mouth just to shut it again, when his eyes went from anger to hurt.

"What will you two do when she's born and she wants to know why she doesn't have your blue eyes? Or why her nose doesn't match anyone else in the family photos or her blunt mouth either, for that matter? What about when she's eight and Carl finally lets the family secret slip? Or were you gonna tell her the truth all along? Will you follow it with a lie? Tell her that her daddy didn't want her? That you were the noble man that stepped in to raise her, that-"

"Enough."

He spit the word out and Beth knew she'd pushed too hard but taking out her anger felt good and she couldn't stop.

"You know he doesn't deserve this. He fucked up once. He ruined your family and now you're doing it to him. Will you tell that little girl that? You think she'll understand?"

Finally, he took a few steps back, refusing to meet her gaze. Beth was positive she'd never felt more vindicated but with it came shame, shame at talking about things that were far too complicated to pin on one man - as she'd just done.

When Rick finally did look towards her, Beth could see the tears in his empty eyes and his mouth struggling to form words. Was that how he'd looked when he found out his best friend had been screwing his wife too? And had Shane felt as small as Beth or had he simply ran and hid at the farm? Beth hated herself for the thought but even more she despised herself for reaching for the handle of the truck and stumbling inside before Rick could say another word.

The groceries were forgotten, just like her appetite, and the ride home was much slower than the journey there had been.

As she pulled down the dirt road leading to the farm, Beth felt worse instead of better. Time had done nothing to ease her anxiety or racing heart though she had managed to fight back tears - a small accomplishment. If she was sad, she cried. If she was mad, just the same. Anxious, happy...too much of anything always made the tears come and Beth hated it about herself. When she walked towards the front door, she assured herself at least it was something, at least no one inside would see, maybe she could take a deep breath and pretend she'd never made a fool out of both herself, and Rick.

"Beth honey, where's the groceries?"

She had the screen door halfway open when Patricia spoke. Beth hadn't even noticed the other woman sitting in the rocker as she'd approached the door nor had she even thought of the food she was supposed to be bringing home.

"I...I didn't get anything," she answered, taking a few slow steps until she lowered her body into the chair next to Patricia.

"What's wrong? You forget your wallet?"

Beth almost smiled - almost. If only it were that easy.

"No."

"Well, you look like you've seen a ghost."

Beth had seen a ghost. The ghost of Rick Grimes - murdered by his best friend.

"Where's Shane?" Beth asked.

"Last I saw him he was out back cleaning that old grill up. Now tell me what's wrong, you don't look well."

With a sigh, Beth finally spoke. She knew she couldn't keep it to herself nor did she want to, not really.

"I ran into Rick in the parking lot at the store before I could even make it inside."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah. And God, he looked so...sad. Just sad. I turned around expecting to see Rick, you know? Even though I had no idea what I'd say to him."

"Well, what did you say?"

"Nothing at first, he said hello. I said hello. He said he was sorry about Daddy, I told him to drive safe tomorrow," she actually laughed at how absurd it sounded. "I didn't know what else to say about them leaving."

"That's not so bad."

"He tried to warn me about Shane, Patricia."

"Maybe you just read him wrong."

"No, I mean he literally tried to warn me about Shane. Those were his exact words, multiple times. He got all close and serious and he just kept telling me to be careful and I...I said the worst things back to him."

"You probably felt defensive, you were caught off guard and defending someone you care about. Who wouldn't? Rick shouldn't have approached you like that, it's not his place."

"Patricia...I told him that baby wasn't his."

"You ain't telling the man anything he didn't already know."

Finally, Beth glanced at her friend and shook her head.

"No. I was cruel, I said things that weren't my place to say. And...he's just hurt. Maybe he was out of line and I know I don't need his warnings but, he's just a broken man. And I made it ten times worse. I pretty much accused him of being just as bad as Shane. Rick's just trying to pick up the pieces and do what's right after what happened to him - after Shane happened to him."

"Ah," Patricia said with a knowing sigh. "I see now what this is about."

Beth didn't need to ask what Patricia meant, she'd hear it soon enough. Not that she was even sure she wanted to.

"You're afraid Rick's right."

"No." The objection passed her lips so quickly Beth knew it was true, a small part of her relaxing as she went on. "I know Shane didn't mean to hurt Rick. I know he hates himself for it more than anyone else ever could. And I don't think I need to be cautioned against him, at all, really."

"But?" Patricia asked, nodding her head along, willing the word's from Beth's mouth. "There's definitely a but coming."

"But, I don't know. I've heard about what Shane did - straight from the horse's mouth, mind you. But it's hard to connect the Shane I know as the person that...did that. Who screws their best friend's wife?"

"People make mistakes."

"He's a homewrecker."

Tears sprang to her eyes the moment she'd spoken the word aloud. Beth hated the label and she knew it would've hurt Shane. But it didn't make it any less true.

"He is," Patricia agreed. "And if you choose to be with him, that run-in with Rick will be the first of many. Small towns move on to new gossip but they never forget. Women in church will whisper, your friends will judge him and you by extension. And if they don't hate you, they'll pity you, because they'll think he strays from you too. His mess will be yours."

"I know he's better than that."

"Beth, good men do bad things sometimes. You gotta make peace with it and look forward, not back."

Beth just snorted. It sounded ridiculous.

"Really? Name a good man you know who screwed his best friend's wife."

At first she thought Patricia hadn't heard her. The older woman grew quiet and just rocked, staring out into the fields. But judging by that distant look in her eyes, Beth knew Patricia was crafting the perfect reply. She almost pushed, almost asked again, Beth's curiosity was getting the best of her.

And curiosity always did kill cats.

"Do you remember me always saying that your daddy saw a little bit of himself in Shane?"

"You said it once and I-"

Did Beth's heart stop beating or had it simply dropped into her gut? Her mouth snapped shut, she stopped rocking, and she was positive her ears were ringing.

"Well, there you are. That's the name of a man I know. Hershel Greene," Patricia replied, her voice full of apology.

"No." For the second time that day, Beth found herself blindly objecting to the person beside her. Surely Patricia was mistaken or she was hinting at something else, maybe Beth was understanding her wrong. "Daddy wouldn't-"

"He did, sweetie," Patricia told her, using the same soft voice Rick had used. "And trust me, I would know."

"No, he wouldn't," Beth spat back. "Whoever told you that is lying."

"Beth-"

"Daddy took his bible seriously, Patricia. He wouldn't have."

"And why do you think that is? Ain't nothing that will push a southerner towards Jesus quite like guilt. Now, him and Otis may not have been quite as close Rick and Shane but, you get the idea."

Beth's heart had finally started to beat again, hard, all the blood pounding to her face to make her cheeks redden with anger.

"It was you?"

"It was," Patricia admitted frankly, like the years had eroded away the shame.

The day felt like it'd been going on for hours but the sun was still high in the sky, making Beth sweat, although maybe the lack of oxygen contributed too. She tried to imagine the man upstairs doing what Patricia claimed had happened and her mind just went blank, refusing to believe it. She'd still been wetting the bed at night when her mother had passed away, Beth barely remembered her, but she couldn't believe anyone would've hurt that woman. She'd had blue eyes, just like Beth's...just like Rick's too. And imagining them full of the same pain as his made the tears Beth had been blinking back finally come.

"Did my mom know?" she demanded, not caring anymore that she was yelling at a woman twice her age.

"No. No one ever found out. Maybe we were lucky that way."

"Lucky?" Beth couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Sweetie, I know it's a lot to swallow. But things weren't the same back then. People married out of duty. I learned to love Otis but it wasn't…" she never finished the thought, just powered on, telling Beth more things she never wanted to hear. "And you and Maggie were late in life babies, you know that. They struggled to conceive and that does things to a marriage. We weren't proud of it."

Beth thought about all the times she'd checked in on her dad to see Patricia passed out next to him or reading him romance novels. Had Patricia wished those stories were about him and her?

It felt like there was a brick sitting on Beth's chest and the Georgia humidity wasn't helping matters. She felt like she would've clung to anything to steady her world again, was that how Rick had felt?

"Does Maggie know?" she asked, finally lowering her voice.

The fight was going out of her, replaced by grief. Grief over losing the vision she'd always had of her father. Beth knew she'd never look at him the same way again, no matter how ailing he was.

"No one knew, Beth. Until you."

"Then why are you telling me? Now? While he's about to die?"

"I just thought it'd help," Patricia sighed, realizing her mistake too late. "You can't say your daddy wasn't a great father, Beth. Or that he wasn't a good man. He made some mistakes but if you'd never known about it you never would've been able to tell. I thought it might give you some clarity."

"Well, it didn't," Beth said, standing up to get away. She couldn't stand to look at Patricia any longer. "You know though? I think Rick might be onto something. Maybe it is for the best that daughters never learn the truth about their fathers."

Before Patricia could reply Beth had already gone inside, letting the door slam behind her.

The sun was scorching Shane's arms but the cold beer took the edge off. Judging by the state of their grill he was positive no one at the Greene farm had cooked out since Beth had been in high school but he'd worked tirelessly anyway, until it was sparkling clean and in working order. He could handle grill problems, he was used to it. No matter how many times he'd given Rick advice, the other man had never listened, and more often than not Shane had found himself in their backyard every other weekend repairing the damage that Rick's negligence had caused. The memory stung but Shane's chilly Miller took the edge off that too.

The alcohol hit an already grumbling stomach hard and after making sure the propane tank had fuel, Shane headed inside, positive Beth should've returned.

"If you've got the meat, I got the heat," he said, finding her staring out the kitchen window with her back towards him.

The loud burp that followed his statement wasn't his most charming moment, but still, he walked over and placed his hands on Beth's hips, placing a quick kiss on her shoulder.

When he felt her body tense Shane assumed he'd spooked her and kissed her again.

"Sorry," he whispered. "The grill's ready though, whenever you are."

Shane heard the sniffle before she turned around, still tense. Beth's eyes were red and watery, her cheeks blotchy, and Shane didn't need a badge to know something was wrong. But he could certainly thank it for not panicking.

"What's the matter?"

"There's...there's no dinner."

"Okay, that's okay," he assured her, knowing that wasn't the reason behind her tears. "Beth, look at me."

He didn't go on again until she'd met his eyes and nodded along with him, but her body was still frozen, completely unresponsive to his gentle hands.

"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked, making sure her eyes stayed on him. "That's all you gotta do, okay? Just tell me."

Finally, he saw it - the moment the life came back to her eyes, when she wasn't just looking at him but seeing him, yet her body still refused to yield to his.

Shane expected her to say something about Hershel. He knew he hadn't been outside for long but maybe he'd missed something, maybe she'd gotten a bad report from Denise. Maybe her sister had called with bad news. Hell, maybe she ran over a cat on her way to town. He'd seen people cry over less. But her next words were nothing at all what he'd expected though it explained why she removed his hands from her hips, forcing space between them.

"I ran into Rick at the store," she answered, her voice cracking.

"Oh." It was all Shane could manage to say before he had to force his lungs to take a deep breath, preparing himself for a big blow.

"We talked."

"Okay, you talked."

It was Shane's turn to remind himself to nod and focus, trying to push away the creeping feeling of dread he knew all too well, especially when Beth crossed her arms over her chest, closing in on herself.

"Shane, he's just so...broken."

"He is."

"And I...I stood there and defended you to him."

"Beth, no." He stopped his sentence long enough to come closer again, to place a hand on her shoulder and try to reassure her. "You don't need to defend me to people. That's not your-"

"Please," she begged, pulling away again but only before forcibly removing his hand. "Shane, I can't right now. I just can't"

He knew he'd lost the war. He'd had women push him away plenty of times, almost always deserved, but it was the first time Shane had ever flinched from the chilly hands and ice cold stare.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"I was awful to him. It brought out the worst in me. He's never did anything to me and I just...I thought I knew what I was talking about, I thought I had the right to make him feel worse. He's just doing his best."

"I know."

"Do you?!"

He hadn't expected quite so much venom in her voice, so much disgust. The shock stole away any reply he'd been about to form on his lips. Shane had thought Beth of all people knew him better than that but clearly the assumption had been wrong. It didn't feel fair that he could spend weeks with her, changing the only mind left that maybe hadn't rushed to judge him, and Rick could undo it all in the course of a few minutes.

Shane also knew that train of thought only validated her anger. Rick was the one that had woken up in a hospital to find his wife pregnant by his best friend and Beth was the one out there fighting Shane's fights for him, all the while Shane stood there feeling like they were being unfair to him. It was infuriating, made worse because he had no real way of directing that anger at himself. Instead, it just bubbled up in his chest, boiling to get out.

"I don't know what you to say," he finally admitted. "I don't know how to make this right."

"You can't."

Her tears were gone and that was somehow more frightening. An emotional lashing he could take but once people grew calm and collected and were still angry, Shane knew that was when they meant what they said.

"And you know what? I came back and I wanted to forget it happened, you know? And I'm talking to Patricia and-"

"Stop," Shane interrupted, throwing up a hand.

"Will you let me finish? Please?"

The desperation behind her blue eyes almost made him reconsider. Almost. She looked like she wanted nothing more than to hand him the bandaid that would fix whatever wound Rick had caused but Shane knew there were somethings that couldn't be fixed, no matter how skilled his hands were.

"No," he answered, rubbing a calm hand over the back of his head before giving a shrug. "I don't need to hear it, Beth. You don't need to say it, I get it. It's comin' through loud and clear. You bit off more than you chew, it's okay. Hey, it was only a matter of time, right? We couldn't go on pretendin' to play house forever."

He knew he'd pushed too hard, but old habits were hard to break and he'd had a cruel mouth for over forty years, especially when he was angry. Even if he didn't mean it and wanted to take it all back, it felt good to take a bit of the pressure off the valve that was building inside of him.

She was supposed to object though, maybe look like the words had stung. Instead, it was her next words that wounded him. Beth wasn't supposed to agree.

"Yeah," she nodded crossing her thin arms again. "I think you might be right, Shane."

The silence that followed was louder than the argument had ever been and he knew what she'd say next, he didn't have to hear it.

"You should go," she told him. "Please. Please go."

And he'd never been able to say no to her, this time was no different. Shane simply nodded and grabbed his keys off the counter, heading out before he had a chance to wish she'd ask him to stay - a wish he knew wouldn't come true.