Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

Italics represent symbiote and host communication.

Chapter 6: Thinking

For the first time in a long time his mind was quiet. Cordesh had not emerged since he had shown Kirinian the memory. Kirinian was afraid, terrified in fact, he wanted to ask so many questions and yet he was afraid to ask those questions. No. He wasn't afraid to ask those questions, he was afraid of the answers, afraid of finding out what was truth and what was a lie. But mostly he was afraid of trusting Cordesh, would the symbiote merely trick him once more into believing he was trustworthy before turning on him?

He stared down at the contrasting mane before him, the white and black was a visual reminder of his inner turmoil. Was he to trust or to hate? Staring at the mane he realised that he already had the answer to that question. He could learn to trust Cordesh again, perhaps he already was coming to trust the creature again. But he couldn't put his absolute trust in the creature, he could not bear it if he was tricked once again. He realised now that he had been testing Cordesh, he was being as arrogant and angry as he could to make Cordesh angry but instead of becoming angry the symbiote had accepted the attitude. Perhaps he was being hasty in his judgement of Cordesh.

"Howdy."

Kirinian glanced up startled at the sound and saw the rider canter past. The human did not even know who he was but for some reason there was some unspoken law here, everyone was to be friendly to each other. Perhaps that law needed to be used in most if not all battles. He could not forgive but he could be friendly, at least he could try to be friendly, after all was he not just as bad as Cordesh for behaving like he was?

'Do not judge lest you be judged.' He had read that in the human's bible. If the sentence was true, by judging Cordesh he was condemning himself.

Perhaps…Kirinian paused, unsure where his thoughts were going but slowly realisation came upon him. Perhaps I have been too hasty. I have been cruel and heartless, perhaps I should have listened to reason before judging as quickly as I did. He had not even listened to Cordesh, would not even let Cordesh speak. He was better than that, he was not like that evil Cordesh. He should have listened to both sides before making such a choice. I have behaved no better.

You were scared and I deserved it. Cordesh answered softly. My actions were evil, it matters not that there was reason behind my actions, I should never have behaved as I did. I deserve you anger and I deserve you hate. You are right I deserve much more than your hate, I deserve punishment. I do not blame you, nor should you blame yourself, you were right to judge me, I know I would have done the same if I was host and I had suffered the same treatment. Do not torture yourself like this.

And there it was…the proof that the Cordesh he had once known was there. Was Cordesh telling the truth, was that evil version of Cordesh an act? I'm scared. He confessed quietly. Why didn't you…why did you hide it all from me? If it was true, why lie? I don't want to…

You don't want to believe me and I can understand that. I know it's hard to believe but the traitor is a telepath, if word had gotten out that there was a spy, if I had told you…It was better you remained oblivious. I know it doesn't seem it, but I did what I did to protect you, if they had known I remembered then they would have killed us both. I'm sorry Kirinian, I truly am.

I…Kirinian could not work out what way was up or down. His whole perception of the situation was being challenged and he did not know what to do. Did he believe Cordesh or did he not? I can't...I am not sure I believe you, but…I will help…I won't cause trouble anymore.

You were never any trouble. Besides I deserved every word and every thought you sent to me. But you…you never deserved any of the words I spoke to you, never. Cordesh told him passionately. I cannot undo my actions but I want to try and…well I don't want forgiveness and I'm not asking you to forget, but I want you to remember the good times we had. I want to go back to those times beloved. I know…I don't deserve it, but if I die again I want to remember the good times.

Die again?

Once we return to the Tok'ra they will recognise us as the shol'va, the dead traitor. Once there I will deal with the traitor and confess, I will then leave you and die, for it is all I deserve. Until then allow me this one thing, allow me to remember the time we were happy.

I…Kirinian was stunned, he was not aware Cordesh had planned to die, he thought that Cordesh had planned to re-join the Tok'ra and re-take control of his body forever. He could never imagine Cordesh taking his own life but every emotion and feeling he was getting from Cordesh told him the para…symbiote was honest, but he could not trust those feelings, he had been tricked before. I…I need to think on this.

Of course you do. Cordesh replied, clearly aware of Kirinian's thoughts. But you need to know Kirinian that I am more than willing to die and if the traitor was not a threat I would have killed myself the moment I realised you did not want me. But I promise you now, that I, Cordesh of the Tok'ra will not remain in an unwilling host, once the traitor is dealt with I will kill myself. Cordesh's words were meant to be reassuring but they just made Kirinian doubt himself even more.

I…I don't know what to do. He thought.

You don't have to do anything. Just get the money and get us to Egypt. I will do the rest. Cordesh assured. Now, we need to hunt, yes? The shop keepers pay much for animal pelts, meat and hearts.

Yes, we need to hunt. Kirinian agreed quietly accepting the change in subject. But I also need more than a few dollars for meat and pelts, I need to earn a few hundred at least.

What do you plan to do? There are not many people who will pay that much money.

Some people pay quite a lot for horse training. Kirinian replied. Bonnie told a few people of my talent and I've been asked to pay a visit to the Armadillo stables to show them how I work. If I can impress them I might be able to get a regular job with good income. He explained.

What a good idea. You'll be doing something you love as well as earning the money you need. Cordesh commented proudly. Impressive.

I thought so as well. I'm hoping I can find alternative means as well. I was thinking of things like riding lessons for the human's kids, maybe even tours and perhaps becoming a messenger. I'll take whatever job I can.

I would suggest having a look inside the stores, from what I've seen they often have posters and the like up, they might give you a hint for your next job. I've seen coach drivers. Perhaps you can take part time work doing that? I'm sure many people use the 'stage-coach' and it would be a very reliable income.

I'll just have to see how this interview goes. Kirinian replied quietly, Cordesh hummed approvingly and they both went silent, but unlike before it was a comfortable silence. Two wrongs don't make a right.

What makes you say this?

I…Kirinian hesitated. Sometimes…perhaps…revenge isn't always the answer.

Okay…Cordesh replied clearly confused.

I…It's strange, I should be glad that…Kirinian huffed unsure what to say. I'm not sure I want you to…

Die? Cordesh asked bluntly. It is what I deserve.

I know it is, but…I don't want it to happen. I don't forgive you but…it feels wrong to let you die. If…If what you say is true then we need a serious talk and I…I have a lot to learn. Kirinian stated, his nervousness and fear was clear in his voice. Don't get me wrong, I can never forgive you! But I think I can come to understand why you did what you did…there must have been alternative solutions BUT I accept that you made a choice to protect you kin.

I don't want forgiveness.

Good! Because you're not getting it! But…I want to understand. I need to understand. You owe me that much.

Of course. Cordesh agreed.

How did you know about this telepathic spy?

Because we were punished, when I began to remember I acted kindly towards you and helped you remember. We were sent to Apophis in the guise of a mission and then I forgot and became the traitor once again. It was not hard to work out what had happened, for I spoke to no one about my realisation and neither did you, only someone reading our minds would know the truth.

That doesn't prove that there is a telepathic spy.

Ah, but I have not finished. I remember it all now and I remember Apophis telling me that I was not allowed to remember that I had to forget. He demanded that a stronger memory block be used upon me, but clearly it failed. Still, this telepathic traitor is a good spy, the can hear everyone's thoughts and therefore place suspicion on everyone else. We must take out their telepathic ability if we are to pull this off.

How many times did we remember and how many times were we brainwashed?

At least four times. Cordesh replied. At first, I thought Apophis was just checking and updating his handy work, but the third and fourth times we were brainwashed I knew something else was going on. You see Kirinian, we never, and I stress never, spoke to anyone about our returning memories and yet each time we ended up in Apophis's clutches. Each time it was the council that sent us meaning…

Meaning the telepath is close to or is on the council. Kirinian stated swallowing loudly. Which means the council will be more eager to trust them than us, the so-called traitors.

I am not going to go up to the council and tell them immediately. I am going to try and deal with the traitor and if I die in the process…no one will miss me. My name will be remembered with hate, but…at least the Tok'ra will be safe once more.

But what will they do about me?

Once they realise I'm dead and that I have controlled my death so you aren't poisoned, you will return to being the innocent host. They will most likely ask you to be host again or they will take you home. You can have the life you've always dreamed of. You can have a family and die happily when your time comes.

I…

Our talk will have to wait until later, you have almost reached Armadillo, I will relax into a dormant state so you can concentrate better. Before Kirinian could answer the symbiote withdrew. Kirinian had wanted to say more, had needed to hear more but Cordesh was right, he had to work first. He'd demand more answers when they had more time.